Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Relationship:
Oh, this memory still hurts but is continually healing. I was approached by a DDS unsolicited with the offer of a job (I am a dental hygienist). A christian DDS who had devotional time before each day and was active in volunteer dentistry as I was. I left a long standing office and good relationships to work for this DDS. I walked into a very “prickly” new staff. In short, my wallet was stolen in the first few weeks, (I was accused of losing it), went away with DDS and two staff for computer training (weird room arrangements) and my Dad died unexpectantly while at training. Upon my return, one week later I was called by DDS and fired, no legitimate reason given. He and I had prayed together, talked about how great God is, and I know God lead me to this relationship and then “BAMB” sucker punched. Lots of other details in between, but short story too long already. God is good. Healing is ongoing. Trust is fragile
RELATIONSHIP.
Another woman/friend in our church became intimately involved with my husband.
I have forgiven them and both marriages were somehow able to survive that trial even though she was sure he would leave me for her. It was terribly painful for our children because they had been close and were old enough to understand what happened. They were troubled by all that transpired. It took a long time for them to forgive their father.
Our families cannot continue as friends. Neither of the marriages could survive our spending time together as couples. I can forgive but I don’t think I could ever be comfortable with her being around my husband nor do I think her husband could be comfortable with my husband being around his wife.
I spoke with our pastor and his wife who offered their support. Though we tried to keep this from church members for the sake of unity in the church body, our friends that found out about that situation struggled with her being my close friend at the same time she was involved with my husband. It caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. Some did leave that church, which pained me.
My husband and I ended up changing churches a couple of years later when we helped one of our other pastors start a new church. We do visit our old church on occasion and still have many friends there, but our time of worship is much deeper in our current church. Our current church introduced me to Beth Moore studies.
God is good. He used that time in my life to draw me closer to Him. In his brokenness, my husband did not know where to turn and started reading the Bible and praying. A couple of years later, he found Christ.
The love of Christ surpasses all earthly circumstances. The Lord uses all things for His purposes, especially the painful things.
RELATIONSHIP. Wow, how I wish I could have been in LR this weekend to hear the message! I need it!
I was in a close friendship with our lead pastor’s wife. We were in Bible study together, and our families vacationed together. We truly loved the whole family and believed that we were called by God to come alongside them with love and encouragement as trustworthy, supportive friends that they could be real with, have fun with and grow deeper in Jesus with.
Everything was great until the church started making changes in the women’s ministry leadership. The two women who had been leading for seven years were stepping down. My friend went from singing my praises to crucifying me behind my back because she wanted the position and had to eliminate any perceived threats to her being able to step into the position. It was a surreal experience to go from being someone’s confidante, prayer partner, trusted and supposed beloved friend to out of nowhere suddenly becoming their enemy.
She went to extremes to crucify my reputation: lying, dismissing and discrediting me. Excruciating betrayal. Not only did I have to accept that our friendship was a lie, but she also went out of her way to keep me out of women’s ministry leadership which is a God-given passion of mine and sincere burden of my heart. I confronted her in love, but she denied, twisted and manipulated everything to her advantage.
As God would have it, He moved her family a few months later to a another church in another state, and our church slowly unravelled over the course of the next eighteen months. A long two-year path of destruction due to dysfunctional and prideful leadership.
The wounds inflicted by the Body of Christ run deep and they threaten and shake our faith and our callings on a deep level. I’m still healing from the whole awful nightmare, and God used it to get me into seminary…something I’d been considering for five years. I knew that I had to go deeper in the Word and in the Lord in order to survive the painful ordeal. I’ve learned so much about the ugly reality of spiritual abuse that permeates many of our churches today. And that just because someone is in church leadership/church staff does not necessarily equate to being spiritually and emotionally mature. Jealousy, insecurity, selfish ambition, self-centeredness are killing the bride of Christ! God help us and have mercy on us!!!
Most of all, I’ve learned that Jesus is enough. More than enough. Praise You Lord. My hope and sincere prayer is that God will fully heal and fully redeem the awful mess and that He will one day use it for good in the lives of others to Jesus’ glory.
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:25-26
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35
Amazing Little Rock event…got my “word” and made my succinct goal! Thanks again Puden!
RELATIONSHIP. Friendship. Met at church. Both had lots in common and bonded quickly. Both had wounded childhoods. Were the best of friends for 8 years. Bound together at the heart. This was a relationship were we encouraged one another, cheered one another on, etc. However, looking back I do see indirect and passive aggressive jealousy and competition (on both sides) within the friendship. There was a point I shared some truth with her about things taking place (truth several other people approached me with that they had observed). Had BIG blowup!!! Both have forgiven one another and moved on, but don’t speak unless we come in contact with one another.However, we are both very kind and cordial (although surfacey) to one another. This happened 1 year ago. It’s been hard getting over the friendship. God has been gracious and merciful by providing me with Godly friends (I think the same for her too)
Hello Puden, I was truly blessed and enlightened by the message God had you speak . I went through a gut wrenching divorce(!!!) a little over two years ago and I’m a living testimony that no scheme of man or enemy can pluck me from his hand. My then ,husband wanted my faith , he wanted to go back to our worldly ways before we had become servants of our Lord Jesus. For the sake of trying to save our marriage I almost did but praise Jesus and two dear sisters praying for me my eyes were open to what the enemy was after. Sadly we divorced and I am raising a precious 9 year old son. That is my ministry to raise my son to be a man who has a purpose in Jesus.We still hurt but my gaping wound has been healed ,sadly my son who is named Samuel hurts. I love on him and pray over him and can see how Jesus is healing him to.I also have a son Andrew who is 24 struggling with addiction and I have been battling with this also. He has completed two rounds of in- house rehabilitation. When I said battling I mean a mean ugly on my knees and in Jesus powerful name go to battle for my son’s soul battle. I have been able to set boundaries led by the Holy Spirit and in doing this I’ve had the protection for my home. He does not live with me and knows I love him and also knows the boundaries and this has made him make choices for the family that loves him. As of now he says he doesn’t believe in God , Son and Holy Spirit even though he was saved at 14. I still believe he will come back.I am still blessed beyond words. When I left Saturday from Little Rock I had dinner in Hot Springs where he lives and he looked so good and I got to love on him. Moms still love to hug on there little boys even if they are a foot taller and men.God put me on this path to minister to other moms. Beth please pray for God strength and healing in my boys and all us single moms raising future husbands and dads to be men of God. I will pray for you and your team as you honor our Lord by speaking and teaching us how to carry our cross to victory in Jesus.God Bless You and Family…..Robyn
Relationship: When I was a teenager I had a close friend who attended my church. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. We drifted apart; I was single she was married. When I got married I asked her to sing at my wedding. She said yes, and called me two nights before the wedding and said she would not sing. Her husband told her it was wrong, so she sang anyway. We didn’t speak for about 3 years. I found out that she was hurt over something that didn’t even happen the way she thought it had. She has drifted in and out of my life since then, and I always feel hurt and betrayed because I don’t understand why. At this time I have decided I won’t ever let her come in again, yet she is on my mind quite a bit. it is a hurt that I don’t know if it will ever go away and I have wondered if I need to try to talk it over with her before I give up.
Relationship:My dearest Beth Puden, My heart is overflowing with joy. I attended the Little Rock Living Proof. It was my 3rd LP event. It was meant for me. I am dealing with broken relationships in my workplace. I must admit. I somewhat resemble Denver the dog. Your words were straight from God to me. It was like we were sitting at my kitchen table sharing coffee. Thank you for showing me God’s healing. Everytime Satan rears his ugly head, I repeat, “I left the hurt and sin in Little Rock”. Thank you for helping me to find a succient goal. “To fall crazy in love with God’s Word again” I love you Beth Puden” Praying for your ministy! Sabrina Puden
Relationship~
I have experienced this with a sister in the Lord who just happened to be my blood sister as well. It was an awful experience, one that I would never want to relive, but one I have learned so much from. She is my oldest sister (in a family of 10) and I am #7. She was more like a Mom than a sister. When I got married, and our relationship needed to shift, I pulled away and she became overprotective and controlling. We both handled it badly. Hard feelings were on all sides. Our mutual ministry was severed. It was a horrible testimony. Now, 15 years later, we have been able to forgive each other and move on. We are no longer close, nor do I expect us to be. I have learned that just because you forgive, doesn’t always mean that the trust come back, and that’s ok. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is keep your distance from a relationship that pulls you away from Godly order in your home.
The last sentence in this paragraph is something I needed to hear!
Rhonda
Gilmer
Psalm 27:13 (New King James Version)
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
RELATIONSHIP: when 1st son jumped out of nest to military i was devastated by lack of support from whom i considered my best friend. had been there for her over & over. when approached, she made light of it. lightbulb on! realization hits how unhealthy friendship is. i was more upset with myself for the blinders I had apparently been wearing than with how she treated me. i ended relationship with immature expectation that I could maintain my close relationship with her kids (who were younger). She said no. Devastation again. Fast forward 15 yrs. We end up at same church. She seems more gentle, more humble than I remember. Where has life taken her? Where has it taken me? Long story short? We served together on praise team for women’s retreat last Oct. and God is busy not mending but re-creating in our lives. Never thought it would have ended. Never thought it would be re-made (I don’t say restored because it needed a makeover big time). God…a Miracle-Worker.
LP Little Rock! I’m going on year 2 of being a new mom. No doubt it has brought joys and a new work load into my life. Being a working mom has been harder than I ever imagined. I put on the back burner my bible studies and have tried to spend all my time away from work with my family. This also meant I was not having anything to do with “community” in the church or anywhere else. I was not a hermit but I’ve been quilty of being very sheltered this past year.
This weekend in Little Rock I felt God telling me to be specific in my time away from family. I know that God wants me to continue my spiritual growth and that I can be a working mom and continue my spiritual growth. I am a member of MOPS and that is encouraging. (minus the whole “stay at home mom” atmosphere) I’m going to pray and seek God’s will for my time away while growing in His word. I feel the need to start a Bible Study in our church and i’m going to pray to make the right choices.
Thanks so much for this GREAT time in the Lord in Little Rock!!
Relationship: A few years ago, I was very involved in a ministry. I was living a very performance oriented lifestyle because that’s what I had been taught that “good Christians” do. Through a number of circumstances and the normal storms of life that inevitable come, I was no longer able to “perform, do and give” up to the standards. I thought that those I considered to be friends would do the “help carry one another s burdens” thing. How wrong I was. It was through that painful experience that I came to understand how man centered my life was rather than being God centered. God doesn’t need us to perform. He longs to live His life through us–not to build our kingdom and our resume, but His. As hard as that experience was, I would not trade it for anything as God changed my whole view of life. I have likened that experience to gold in a crucible. It was hot and hard, but I did not lose anything of value and gained a great deal of value as I have a better understanding of what it means to walk with Christ here and now. Walking and working are not the same things–although you do work sometimes when you walk with Him.
RELATIONSHIP:I first met J when I was in elementary school because we attended the same church. We both committed our lives to Christ and started attending a Christian school together in the 8th grade. We were the best of friends, opposite but alike. We were always together but each had other friends. Our families were intertwined. During high school her parents divorsed and she practically lived at out house. Neither one of us ever has a serious dating relationship in high school and were known as the “nuns” but we didn’t care. We both went to different colleges but always kept in touch and returned to our home town for holidays. She was my maid of honor but she picked someone from college to be hers but I was still in the wedding. We did at times experience some drifting but both of us moved back home after we were married and became very close again. All I can say is what other people were seeing…they said she controled me and I loved her more. Oh how I loved her. Neither of us had a sister. I loved her children and she loved mine. She walked with me through cancer and death of my mother and she was an amazing friend. She is the best friend I have ever had and the worse. I’m trying to stay meaty š We spend most holiday’s together, lived in the same neighborhood, attended the same church. About 6 years ago my husband says we both changed but went in different directions. The Lord began to convict me that I needed to walk away from this friendship because it was toxic. Every mentor I had at the time told me the same. She had during this time developed an “inner circle” so she called it that I wasn’t in but I always said she should be able to have her friends and we were more like sisters but it hurt. Of course I didn’t walk away at first but the Holy Spirit made the situation hot and I finally began to with draw until we didn’t talk. You have to know that we talked multiple times a day. Next to the death of both of my parents it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was bleeding for many months and it took me well over a year to….one day I looked at my husband and said I think I’m over her and he said I think you are. I heard you say recently that a friend who never shares “secrets” is maybe not a good friend. I was always sharing secrets. She never once asked me what was wrong. I kept wanting to talk to her about things but every time I sought counsel from people who knew us both they said no. I always thought we would renew our friendship. I see her often at church and so miss her children, however we do not have a relationship but now that I’m passed the whole thing it was key in my freedom in many areas. I will love her forever but I feel like I don’t even know who she is. I am now 43.
Well Beth, I thought I was the only one that had suffered the hurt of losing relationship with Christian family and friends. I ask myself everyday how could someone that loves Jesus be so evil. Can’t wait for the James study.
Relationship:
After many examples came to mind I thought I would share the one where I was at fault. A good friend and I were out shopping. It was a moment of complete pride, insecurity, unfulfilled desires, and a host of other sins rising into the perfect storm. I said something entirely out of my sinful nature hurting my friend deeply. I apologized and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished them unspoken. But the damage was done. The friendship sadly, was never the same again. The Lord has taken us different directions and now I only know tidbits about this friend that I thought I would always have a wonderful friendship with, a friendship once filled with the fruit of the spirit and sparks of iron sharpening iron. It is still a sad loss and a great reminder to climb into my prayer closet before going shopping when I feel my sinful nature rising up.
When I said “the one where I was at fault” please don’t misunderstand and think I mean the only relational fall out where I am at fault. Just wanted to clarify.
Relationship
I had what I thought was the best sister-in-Christ relationship possible with our pastor’s daughter. Our families went on vacations together for years and our children grew up together. Her father came to my home and touched me in a very inappropriate way. I was devastated. He was a father figure to me. I didn’t want my friend to find out, but I could not force myself to look at his face every Sunday, so we had to leave the church. To make a long story short, this all came out in the open through a series of events and my friend did not believe that her father could do such a thing. She still does not believe it even after many women from that church, past churches, and his workplace of many years came forward to say that the same thing had happened to them. He had been doing this for many, many years. I wouldn’t have believed it either, if it had not happened to me. Our relationship of many years has ended. She has never been willing to even discuss anything about it. Our whole family has been affected and I have really struggled to get past this. I still miss my friend that I shared everything with. By God’s mercies, I have been able to forgive, even though I have never heard the words from this man that I long to hear, admitting what he did and how he destroyed our friendship. God turned everything around for me and took one of the most horrible, hurtful times in my life and brought much good from it. Prayers that I had prayed for years were answered as a direct result of this sorrow and God opened doors and used me in ways that I had never dreamed of that have brought honor and glory to Him. Believe it or not, I would walk through this time again,if I had a choice,to experience what God has done in my life during a terrible, terrible storm. It is an awesome thing to experience God’s power! Romans 8:28 is REALLY true—I’ve experienced it firsthand!
Relationship: It has to do with facebook…..and when my dear christian friend and I disagreed….. She immediately deleted me as a friend. The rejection felt like junior high school. I had not felt such pain in a relationship since receiving those little notes in junior high that said “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” After several confrontations….nothing was resolved. It has been nearly two years. Just this week, the Lord did a work in me, and began to heal me of the hurt. He let me know that I had tried Biblically to restore the relationship.
The relationship has not been restored. But I am still hopeful. The Lord can heal broken relationships. I will trust in Him. I surrender the right to have her as a friend.
Beth-
I attended the Little Rock conference and it was just what I needed! I have been dealing with a broken relationship for a few months and thought I was at least moving past the grief part, though not all of the anger…during the first worship session it all started playing back in my mind…I tried to pray it out so I could concentrate and that ended up being the subject for the weekend. I know you share from what the Lord gives you for each conference and it was amazing to see how many people, myself included NEEDED to hear this message!
RELATIONSHIP
I became friends with my former employer mostly because we shared the same faith. She opened up to me a lot about many personal things, I was a little more careful. However, as time went on I got really close to her and shared very personal things. I feel like the lack of a sister in my life may be part of the reason that I get so close to friends. Even though we had only been friends for about 3 years she was my maid of honor about a year ago. About 7 months later her husband of many years admitted that he’d had an affair and she left him and stayed in our home for almost 2 months while seeking a divorce and picking up pieces. During that time…she desparately threw herself at men on the internet and wherever else and was lying to cover it up. I continually encouraged her to slow down and to seek counseling, etc. She said I was judging her, etc. Finally, at the advice of my husband, I just stopped. Stopped trying to call her, to fix her, and just waited. I was devastated that she did not call me at all. A few weeks later she announced on the internet that she was engaged!! I felt so betrayed and foolish for having trusted her so much. Many family members and friends of mine told me later that she was controlling and that she was not like the person I thought she was. I have cried more over this than I would want to admit, but with God’s grace and the truth of His Word I am moving on. Praise God for your message in Little Rock-was amazed to see so many people dealing with similar issues.
RELATIONSHIP.
Yes, I have been betrayed by a woman that I considered in my heart a sister. I honestly believe God did bring us together. We are both single moms. We did everything together. I did my book talk in English class tonight over your book about Insecurities and why I choose that book. It was about this situation. My dear friend, my sister who looked me in my eyes and told me she loved me and was glad God put us together was sleeping with the man I loved – not once by twice. Talk about losing my mind. Two betrayals by the two people I was closest to. I lost two of my best friends instantly. The blow was twice as hard. The Lord is restoring my heart, mind and soul. It is only because of Him that I have totally forgiven them both.
Relationship:
Yes, I experienced a break in a relationship with a Christian sister. Despite prayer…prayer..more prayer and an open dialoge we went our seperate ways. The issue was that my past was more than she could fathom and it weighed her down. I am set free and living in victory, but I can’t change events in my past and they made me who I am today. I don’t hide them very deep and sometimes it’s to much to think about for another “sister”. I miss that freindship down to my toes and I feel sad when I see her at church. This is how God needs it to be right now. We are no longer friends in any sense of the word, but I will never forget or regret that relationship. God has a plan for it all and someday I’ll get to see what that is.
Met in church…kids the same age…did Women’s ministry together for several years…homeschooled our kids together…then she just up and told me I had a problem and proceeded to not only leave our friendship but also our church…I was bewildered and hurt to say the least…that was about 7 years ago and she has recently crawled back into my life…i say crawled, but it’s more like creeped, slowly…we’ll never be the same, but i still love her and i know there was a reason God brought her into my life when He did.
RELATIONSHIP…
I am not sure if you are still reading these- I’m new to your blog. (BUT am addicted to your Books and Studies- Thank you for your faithfulness to the Lord’s call on your life!!) ok- here goes…
My broken relationship with another believer is actually with my very own mother. Honestly the break- the chasm actually stems from what I call “a flavor”- not a foundationaal issue. We both believe Jesus is the Messiah- and our vehicle to enter the throne room- but she believes worship and obedience are one thing and I believe it is another. Beth- it is raw still and it’s been over 10 years. She was fundamental in the forming of my faith and her split from those believes has knocked me to the concrete of my foundation more times than not. She is holding a gruge for me not following her footsteps… while I forgive her words- she wont relent in her message to “get me to follow” and it is starting to wane on our relationship. I beg of the Lord to mend what is broken in all the ripples of this break. (sorry if I got too wordy or long…)
Relationship:
Beth I am currently a 20 year old studying your Book of David “A man after God’s Own Heart” with about 5 other women 45-90. It has been a real treat to meet with them and you every Wednesday for the past six weeks we have done it! I have been struggling for a year almost to the day to let go of my strongehold. He is the most handsome 26 year old man I have ever met and my boyfriend for 2 years. We met by the grace of God and throughout our relationship I could see God working in us. None the less it came to the point I realized it was a relationship I needed to give up. On week five of your study (alomst a year to the day past when I should’ve released my strongehold) sure enough God used your sweet voice to express to me God would not wait any longer I had to let go of him, the relationship, and my strongehold of two years that night and no later! Sure enough I cut all ties with this boy (probably the single hardest thing I have done thus far in my young life) and I am now focussed on the Lord as my Savior, King, and ONLY strongehold! I have no idea what the future holds for me or him but I do know that my future holds great things with the Lord and I thank you for using/sharing your incredible gift to speak Gods word with me the night of March 30, 2011!
Relationship:
My father has been a preacher his whole life… he really had resembled God’s love in everything… always loving, caring, and understanding… a beautiful family of 7, 5 children (including me), and my mom… a church family that was growing in love… it was beautiful, and pretty close to perfection. Then, we were all bind-sided when he told my mom he wanted a divorce after 26 yrs, left the ministry, and is living outside our beautiful home. It’s been a few months since any of us have seen him, and the pain of losing a loved one is beyond understanding. There has been no mending relationship for us yet, but I pray God will find a way. And, will work on his heart and restore the man we once knew. (Miracle on its way! I know this.) š
Relationship.
Yes, some years ago. She asked me to be her prayer partner. We agreed to meet once a week for breakfast and prayer before work. My prayer life and faith were deepened and enriched by our weekly fellowship. I always wanted a sister and it seemed that I had now one, in Christ. Then it all fell apart. She started cancelling at the last minute, with vague excuses. I felt hurt and wondered if I had done or said something to offend her. At last she admitted that she had asked me to become her prayer partner because she’d had a falling out with her old prayer group. She was now back with them and didn’t have time for me anymore.
Relationship. Dear Ms Beth, I would so love to hear what you have in store for us on this one. After reading a lot of the comments, my heart breaks for all the hurts and tears that had been endured by our siestas. My husband works in our church, and through the past few years we’ve seen many of our friends leave the church for another congregation. I’ve been brought up in church and my parents are still attending the same church we’ve attended for the last 26 years. The only reason I left was because of a move to a different country! I’m just not used to this ‘phenomenon’ of people changing churches. I’m hurt every time, some times more than most. The last ‘big hurt’ happened a year ago, when a really close friend left. She’s been struggling for years in some areas and we were there for her and her family, every way we could think of. Finally, breakthrough came, we celebrated and the very next week ( it felt like) her and her family felt led to leave. I know people leave for various reasons, I just don’t want to feel abandoned, betrayed. I KNOW for a FACT that’s I’m speaking from my own wounded-ness, I just want to stop hurting, and the only way I can think of is to stop caring. I know that’s not the answer. I’ve prayed, forgave, think I’ve gotten over it, just to find out that I’ve not. We don’t really have a relationship any more, she hasn’t tried and I haven’t either. I really need breakthrough in this area.
Re:RELATIONSHIP
Darlin Beth, hope it’s not too late as I’m just seeing this. My husband and I were baby Christians when we became very “tight” with our young Pastor and his wife. Our children were friends, the Pastor mentored my man and we even went on trips together. After 12 years, there seemed to me a “shake down” in the church…people leaving, sides taken. Trying to stay “above the fray” seemed futile as my desire to walk in truth and minister in love was intact. This seemed to be viewed as “rebellion” to leadership and our relationship was never the same. We tried to work it out through meetings but the damage was done. We left the church but am delighted to report that our God used it for good in our lives!!!!
I just moved from one state to another. I had just recently given my life to Christ, 7 months before that. We had and still have no extended family here. I found a church home. And soon after, another woman and I became almost instant friends. Did everything together and talked on the phone all the time, 3 and 4 times a day, livin in the same city. We supported each other (too much, I think looking back) She moved to another city and I would always go visit her. Things were not so smooth in her marriage but we were a support for each other. Then she started harpin on my man. It became picking at my realtionship as hers got worse. Then it became heated between us. I talked with her and I tried to approch it that we as Christians should be building each other up not tearing each other down and apologized and asked for forgiveness. She didn’t accept it, and preceeded to become very ugly and hurtful in her comments to me. We stopped talking and years later she was heavily on my heart. We were always close that way. Always new when something was wrong with each other. I called to see if she was ok, and sure enough someting was going on. She said she had written me a letter but never mailed it. But that is all that was said about the letter and the way things ended between us. She preceeded to tell me the issue she was having and the call ended and we have not talked since. I miss that close friendship and have not ever really had another one like it. I long for one but am yet guarded still 9 years later.
RELATIONSHIP:
It may be too late but this is so therapeutic for me.
I broke up with my best friend. I was asked to intercede in prayer for her in a very precarious situation. I did. Oh, did I pay for it.
Everything we had shared in the past became like a twisted version of the truth. I often had to “pull a Beth” and tune out her words because they were so hurtful and untrue.
This was a friend I had prayed with, sinned with, was accountable to. And now it is was like we were speaking different languages. On top of that, the Lord had made it very clear that I was to shut up. I had to work very hard not to defend myself. I have cried bucket after bucket of tears on this one. I have learned to be “transformed by the renewal of my mind” in that when I start to mediated on how much I miss my friend and how badly I am hurt, that it is a call to prayer.
The wounds are real and deep, but not infected and He has hedged the bleeding. I have begged God to not let this scar be any less than perfectly renewed skin with no thickness where the wound is. The secret is to love her more deeply in Christ. I will love her on my knees and weep over her pain. I miss her and everyday I choose to love my enemy in prayer.
My best friend and I were like family. We talked numerous times a day about anything and everything. We were both newlyweds, and thankfully, our husbands liked each other too! The four of us were having a blast in our newly married lives when my best friend’s beloved father died suddenly. It rocked her world. We were there for them in the way we best knew how to be there when one day she stopped returning my phone calls. I kept trying, but soon I realized that I wasn’t what she needed or wanted right now. I was devastated, shocked and confused. Two and a half years went by with no contact. I heard through the grapevine they had their first baby, but he was being rushed in for surgery. I knew I had to call her and reach out. From that point on, God healed whatever was broken between us. I’m still not sure why God allowed us to be separated during those difficult years for her, but am so grateful for reconciliation and reconnection. We’ve never discussed the details of that break. Maybe one day we will, but for now we are enjoying raising our kids together and talking on the phone a million times a day.
This is pretty late but I can’t seem to get past the nudge to post about a painful relationship with a Mentor who was in church leadership with me. For almost a year after the relationship ended I was just numb. Then all the emotion set in and messed me up for a while longer. When I saw your survey I knew it was time to let God finish His work in my heart. Here’s the result:
No Friend of Mine
I saw you and had stars in my eyes.
You were just what my heart imagined.
Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with.
Someone to know who I really am.
But you aināt no friend of mine.
Sure you opened your arms and pulled me
Close but it was only so when you
Pushed the knife in, it would make a clear
Cut through the very heart of my being.
āCause you aināt no friend of mine.
Maybe Iām just a loser. Maybe
It was all of my own invention.
Maybe I owed a little payback,
Or just a bit of humbling from one
Like you, who aināt no friend of mine.
Now Iām crying out to the God of
Justice and laying out my complaint.
The hurt, the pain, the ugly black truth
Of intentional ruse. Who to blameā¦
But you, who aināt no friend of mine.
Then the Word creeps in and over and
Through, telling me pray, pray for you!?
Requiring more than I can do. Yes,
Christ forgave me when I was like
You, who aināt no friend of mine.
Now Iāve cried a thousand, thousand tears.
But none like those my Savior shed
To wash away hate and break the curse,
So I can choose life, choose to bless, yes,
Even you, who aināt no friend of mine.
Aināt no friend of mine who has loved me
Like the God of my salvation. And
No friend of mine has ever died so
I could go on living. Aināt no friend,
Aināt no friend of mine, like Jesus.