Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Relationship
I’ve had this happen twice that come to mind easily. Two different women that I considered to be spiritual mentors at two different times for different reasons.
The first was a result of her own sin, her sin removed her from being in a place where I would see and interact with her, but it was also difficult from the standpoint that she had counseled me through a time where I was being accused of doing what turns out she was actually doing (separate situations, I wasn’t taking the blame for her actions, they were different situations, just the same behavior that I was being accused of, she was engaging in). The relationship has never been reconciled, I have forgiven for sure, and considered reaching out to her, but never have.
The second situation was much bigger and much more personal and really involved fissures with a whole church that I had deeply invested myself in – the mentor was more a casualty of the whole experience. I drew attention to a situation where I was being wronged pretty majorly, as in could have pressed legal charges. The church ultimately decided to help the person who wronged me – which I am all for – the thing is they allowed things, and “helped” this person in a way that made it impossible for me, my husband, and my extended family to stay (and the church was aware of that as they made their choices). I felt majorly abandoned by the church, and we’re still trying to pick up the pieces and learn to trust the concept of church/church leadership again. We’re trying to plug in at another church, but it’s a slow process, and a struggle to invest again, kind of like when you have a bad romantic relationship, and you are afraid all men are like that. That’s where we are with church leadership. We know it will be worth it, we know the church is important – we’ve worked at churches…. but it’s still a difficult process. It’s been about 7-8 months and I think it’s still too early to say if any of those relationships will be mended, for certain they will never be the same, and I think for the most part they will remain severed.
I also want to add one little note, that although the situations I shared were around other’s wrongs, I’m certainly not perfect, I’ve wronged too, those were just the first things that came to my mind.
Relationship
I’ve had 2 close relationships broken –
the first was with a couple my husband & I were friends with. I was leading Bible studies that she came to, while (we – husband & I) also working in a Sunday school dept. that her husband was in charge of. They asked to have lunch one day, and told us that they could no longer support me in the Bible study area because they felt that based on 2 words from Scripture that I was walking the line of being a false teacher. They cut us out of their lives. We now have a tenuous relationship with them, where we only talk about our children and grandchildren.
The 2nd was with a friend, who didn’t like my “take” on cursing in the work place…I agreed with her mother (and Scripture), and within 10 days, I was no longer her friend. She cut me out of her life completely.
I was terribly hurt in both of these situations initially, but have come to believe that God has taught me valuable lessons about Him, what He wants from me and who I am in Him, NO MATTER WHAT the situation.
RELATIONSHIP – When I started working on my PhD, I found it very difficult to find friends, especially Christian friends, since virtually all of my coworkers rejected Christ outright. I finally met another female grad student and for about a year and a half we were the closest of friends. But over time, it began to break down, despite my attempts to repair the friendship. There were misunderstandings and jumping to conclusions on both sides, but even when we tried to talk all these out, inevitably she would pull away and assume the worst about how I felt, despite my telling her how I actually felt. After four years of that, we finally agreed that we couldn’t stay in this cycle and made a break. A year later, we are in touch a little, but it’s nothing like the friendship that I thought we had. I still love her and care about her, but we don’t have that same bond any more, for which I am very sad.
Please change my last sentence -whether to weather in my post about relationship. Thank you!
Relationship. After posting, I realize it still hurts to simply say someone used my Lord, my love for my King to get close to me only because of my earthly possessions. And to me, none of the fame or wealth or social status matters without Jesus.
Relationships
My relationship that was broken was with my former business partner and friend of over 17 years. We were not friends in the beginning, but grew to be friends and she grew closer to Christ over the years. Her spiritual life was up and down and it kind of drove me crazy with how up and down she good be. She would become very negative and always suspicous of everyone. I finally figured out how to buy her out of the business and thought we might still be friends afterwards, but the negativity and nastiness came out just after the transaction was done. I apologized for causing her any un-necessary grief and she did the same, but the friendship has been broken. I sometimes wonder if that was God’s intention or if I should try to restore it. I felt like he was telling me over the years that we should seperate, but still question it.
Little Rock…
Chrissie, 50, Biggest Concern
Since I have arrived at the half way point or more than half way point in my life, my biggest concern is, Am I doing what God designed me to do? Is He pleased with my life? I want to make sure that when I arrive in heaven that He says “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I don’t want Him to say, “you did good, but watch this DVD, because this is what I really had in mind.”
Thank you for your faithfulness to teach the Truth! Love you sweet lady. Praying that you rock the house in Little Rock this weekend.
Little Rock
My name is Teresa, age 53, married. The biggest struggle I am having right now is what to do with my church. I have been a member since I was 14 year old. The leadership has disappointed to the point that I’m not sure what to do about it. The situation was very personal. So, I’m just waiting on the Lord to give clear direction. This is probably not huge to many but it is HUGE to me.
Relationship- I had a ten year friendship with a friend that began in seminary and lasted through the early years of marriage and young children. We have severed the relationship calling it a change of “season”, however I think we would both say it was painful to end it. She would say I didn’t put in as much effort as she did, yet would say she worked too hard and “set up the expectations of her efforts”, as well as saying I changed in my theology (we used to be able to lovingly debate concepts) and personal goals (stay at home, return to school, fitness). I would say that I matured in my theology, did attempt to challenge myself in personal goals, but was hurt by her not going on the journey beside me, or maybe challenging me if she was concerned. We both had different cultures to deal with (me in the military and her in the church world). I would say I “may” have been able to give more, but gave what I could. I ultimately felt put a box, pushed away, and considered not worth the investment anymore. I wish we could have pushed through the difficulty of life and personal growth.
RELATIONSHIP
My Dear Beth:
I have a relationship story you should hear. My BEST friend of 25 years, (we shared all our Bible studies, children’s births and just day to day activities) knew I was in trouble and deeply in sin. She came to me and said if I did not stop this sin, she would go to our church ministry and bring forth the sin. I assured her that I would stop, but I didn’t. I wanted to so badly, but the lure was stronger than my will. I can truly tell you I NEVER thought this would be me. I know better. I have done all your studies! I read When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. I read it so I could help others, not that I thought that would be me. But sadly, it was. Well, she saw that the sin was continuing, and after much prayer she went to the church pastors. I left my church and the inappropriate relationship, and spent a year despising her for the shame and embarrassment she had caused me. I was now exposed to the entire city. Especially since she had walked that same walk many years before. During that year, I was so mad and ashamed of myself for what I had done, I barely had the will to live. God never left me, not ever, but He did have consequences for me. About a year and a half later, after my BFF had made several attempts to contact me, we decided to meet. This was the most horrific thing that had ever happened in my life, but it was my sin. My Lord helped me to see that she was actually being the best and most biblical friend to me in following the order of stopping a sister in sin. We got together and talked, cried and hugged. She is again my very closest friend, and I thank her for the deep and painful decision she had to make in standing by what she knew was right and exposing my sin. I went before my church leaders, prayer leaders and teachers to publically confess and ask for forgiveness. How freeing that was. I did that because I was a church employee at the time of my sin and wanted the chance to express my sorrow, but to tell them “Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow” P.S. I contacted Travis C (a friend of mine) and told him about my sin, and helping me “Break Free” from the shame and guilt, he told me that God loved me and to hold my head high and press on! 8 years have now gone by! Looking forward to seeing you in LBK, TX this year! xoxoxo
Thank you so much for sharing.
What a powerful testimony! To publicly confess your sin is an amazing act of courage. I applaud you. Also, to recognize your friend’s part in restoration demonstrates great maturity. I hope you get to see this comment. I know God will use this act of obedience for His glory.
This is not as significant as a mature relationship, but maybe will help your research. Last year I went to Deeper Still, and the weeks before I put a lot of effort into connecting with Siestas, especially on Twitter. I met many of them there. What bothered me is that I asked a couple different people if I could sit with them and they gave me vague answers and one avoided me. I told myself that maybe they didn’t want to be around me because they knew I had been sick the day before. I found out later that they all had reserved seats. God gave me other sweet people to sit with, it just hurt me because why can’t we be honest with each other in the body of Christ?
Relationships
About 10 yrs ago now, we were in a family crises with our daughter, at the time our Church was going through a hard time and I was losing some of my health. Those who we thought were our friends Christians, deserted us, ones we had told some pretty intimate stuff to, who we thought would pray with us and stand in there with us and through the pain of a wayward daughter, who basically fell off the face of the earth.
We were left with nothing but the pain and facing the consequences of what our daughter had done.
We had one thing left and that was our faith, and believe me I hung onto God with all I had, I was determed I was not going to lose Him as well.
God is good even when we dont see through the emotional pain at the time.
RELATIONSHIP.
The relationship especially close to my heart at the moment is one where the pieces still seem to be falling and I am trying to see if it is mendable or not.
We were close. Our significant others were closer. (I was married, she was dating.) Satan trapped her boyfriend with a very strong addiction. And not only did it cause a rift in their relationship and all four of our relationships, but it almost cost my husband his job (as he is a minister, and they were sponsors in the youth group). For the year and half that her boyfriend was in rehab and going through the healing process, both physically and spiritually, our friendship was broken and it broke my heart. I hated to let our friendship go, but it was tearing me apart. I was allowing Satan to trap me with negative thoughts all the time. However, they are now married and our friendship seemed to be getting better. We would hang out again. Do dinner together etc. Until consequences of his past addiction seem to have broken our relationship yet again. It seems like just when things were going better, they fell apart again.
At this point, I am praying that God will show us all whether we need to go our separate ways or if we can get through this. For me, the worst part is they live just around the block from us… something I would have dreamed of two years. But now we can’t go anywhere without the reminder of the broken relationship.
RELATIONSHIP
my first christian friend was the wife of our sunday school teacher. he and my husband became close friends because of a hobby they shared weekly, so naturally, the wives followed suit. long story short, she became jealous of a young couple that joined our church, and also shared the same hobby. she ignored me for most of a year, even while we were practicing music for sunday worship, except when i could do something for her then she would talk to me. when i asked if i had upset her, she always replied no, i’m fine. situations arose at our church, so my husband and i decided to move on, and God opened my eyes to the controlling, conditional friendship i had with this woman. i was torn apart by that, but knew that God was in control. after the pastor of that church betrayed what i had confided in him, she called me and i verified that what he said was true, and that she had been controlling. she asked for forgiveness and i accepted her apology and forgave her. but she didnt want to be my friend any longer. as i sought counsel from Christian friends, i felt like i was in 4th grade, sending her a note asking her “Y” or “N” did you want to be my friend. i miss our relationship like nobody’s business, yet i know that God is in control, and pray for her often. we will see each other again this summer, and i am praying all will go well. i know that our friendship will never be the same, but i hope we can at least be on speaking terms. God is good and i love Him and still love her too..
Relationship. Yes, several years ago my best friend and I had a parting of ways (and to this day don’t know what actually happened). It lasted about a year and then the Lord brought us back together and we have been best friends since. Our friendship has lasted 19 years!!
RELATIONSHIPS:
I was part of large, clique-y kind of congregation. I wasn’t a part of anyone’s clique and ached for friendships. Several other young moms, like myself, had mentioned how hard it was to “plug in” and feel apart of this type of congregation–everyone was so divided into their little groups. I hosted my first ever home Bible study (it was A Woman’s Heart) and invited 11 women to join me. Six accepted the 11 week challenge. We studied, visited, and shared over the course of the 11 weeks and I felt sure that I had me a core group of girl friends. Skipping to the end: a clique had formed from my Bible study group and once again I was excluded! OUCH.
In a “final straw” moment I faced off with the ring-leader of the new exclusive group. She said, “you are putting way too much into a friendship, that honestly, just isn’t there.” I bawled for weeks. To answer your question, how did it end: I am “friendly” with those girls, not friends. In moments when our lives intersect- I pleasantly get through it, smiling the whole time- but anxious to get the heck out of dodge! My family no longer worships at that church. It just wasn’t a good fit. We worship somewhere else and so you know there was a happy ending: Through that, I learned that God, alone, is all I need. He prepared me through that study for a prunning that reminded me to stop looking for something in other people that He ALONE can quench.
Relationship- In the middle of my senior year in college I met and began dating a guy that I had no business dating. At the time I was sure that he was my future husband. I was a senior at a Christian University and did not have my M.R.S. Degree yet so thought this must be the right man. No amount of wise council from my best friend (or anyone else for that matter) could derail me from dating this guy. Sadly she and I spent the last half of our senior year with a huge rift between us. The day we graduated she told a mutual friend that she hoped that our ceremony was the last time she would ever see me. As only God can orchestrate the details of our lives we both got teaching jobs the following school year not only in the same school district but in the same building. What an awkward moment for both of us when we ran smack dab in to each other on the stairs the day we moved in to our classrooms. From that awkward start God began working on both of our hearts and brought us to a place a few months later of confession, forgiveness and healing. What a beautiful thing! Now 20 years later we both are so thankful for what God did in our lives! (As a footnote…I eventually saw the light and broke it off with that guy and several years later met and married a wonderful Godly man.)
Relationship- After moving to a new area, I became friends with the wife of my husbands cousin. At first things seemed great. As time went on and we had kids the dynamic of the relationship changed and came to a head two summers ago, we (my husband and I) were put in a situation where we had to confront her about something, it was not received well and she told me I should have chosen her over the judgement of my husband and his family, then proceeded to tell anyone who would listen… it was a hard, hurtful time. The relationship will no longer be what is was, it is a surface relationship now. Things were said about my son then, who is now diagnosed Autistic, that can be and have been forgiven…that I now know I have to guard my heart and my son’s heart. I thank God everyday for the support of my husband through all of it, he supports me but is also loving enough to call me out on my own stuff too!
Relationship
I had a very dear friendship with a gal in my church. She and I really “clicked” and became very close. My husband was an elder and the elders made a decision concerning mission support of another friend of hers, who was devastated by the decision. My friend immediately became very defensive about the decision and held me, in some way, responsible. She cut me off immediately and that was on the eve of traveling together with some other ladies to a weekend retreat. She spoke maybe 5 words to me the entire weekend and not only did we ride together, but roomed together–as per previous plans. I didn’t sleep a wink the whole weekend and was brokenhearted. I wrote several notes to her concerning the issue and tried to talk it out, to no avail. I prayed earnestly about it and decided I wasn’t going to give up easily. I was persistent in maintaining our friendship–be it one-sided–sending cards, initiating conversation, remembering her birthday and those of her children–all the while asking God to restore our friendship. Slowly, over time, she began to respond in return. Our relationship was restored eventually–she never directly apologized. She moved out of town when her husband was transferred and our friendship continued on a different level. She initiated the arrangements for a summer job for my son with her husband’s company and he lived with them for the summer. She treated him as her own and he considers them family!! We are as “best friends” as we can be living a distance apart!! God is good and gave me my heart’s desire in that restoration!
relationship:
A sibling and I were extremely close, especially in recent years when we worked side-by-side to care for our parents in their final years. We sometimes lived together for weeks at a time, beginning a whole new relationship since being all grown up. We are both grandmas now and have not been close or spent time together without spouses, children and grandchildren at family gatherings. Then my beloved gay child got married last summer and my sibling and entire family followed their convictions to not attend. The words we shared became harsh and horrid. When I tried to make amends, the split seemed permanent. But God was not finished. I do not know what He has done in their hearts, but He has certainly been working overtime in mine. When we were together this past weekend for a family wedding, and seeing each other for the first time in a very long time, I wrapped my arms around each of them and loved on their necks, Beth Moore style, and poured out love and love and love. Because of Christ, we left that place on Sunday, just 3 days ago, with healing. I cannot stop jumping up and down with joy, knowing that He is truly the God of reconciliation, grace and mercy. I cannot predict what is next or how this will play out, but what seemed lost forever is now being restored.
oops…don’t hold it against me, Beth, but I did not follow you instructions on here when I wrote on page 2.
I think I mis-read everything, not only that__ I was still trying to work things out with my sister. I’m sorry.
RELATIONSHIP: {First I have to tell you how much I enjoyed the breakdown of your sitcom characters. :)}
The “fissure” in my relationship with my best friend of many years {since 9th grade} happened around 7ish years ago. Storms had been brewing but to try to sum up as best as possible–for many years we had seemingly been on different paths. She and her husband fell out of church after our previous church closed and our Pastor stepped down due to his leaving his wife for another married woman. My friend and her husband were Youth Pastors at the time. They are still not in church. My heart still aches. But this is not altogether the entirety of the breakdown although it did and does have a great deal to do with it. God is faithful! Still, they are the unchurched Christians. Often I felt censored in our relationship in the name of judging. I kept silent and often felt uncomfortable and not at liberty to speak my mind. We rubbed each other wrong without saying a word. I hated where she was going and in hindsight, probably should’ve spoken up “in love” and with His leading. Open rebuke is better than secret love. But I remained silent for the most part and felt like exploding. I knew the time was coming that I separate myself from her/them at least for a season. He confirmed that many times. A breaking point came. The details over the “why” and “what was said” really doesn’t matter. It happened. I do recall her saying, “is this about church?” And truthfully, in part, it was, although not altogether. Different paths. Some of the readers may be shaking their heads right now and I would understand. I knew I need to withdraw for a time. I also see now that had I not been so afraid to step on her toes the Lord may have been able to use me more effectively.
I don’t know how long the strain took place but during that season the Lord did what He does with His people. He opened my eyes to my own ugly.
On my blog {insertgracehere.com} I copied a story He gave me one night about my precious friend and our relationship. It’s called The Tattered Little Dolly. It’s a story of how I brought her to Him so often and asked Him to work but until I fully surrendered her and backed out of the way, He couldn’t. I had my hold on her asking all the while to work. I made her my own work, my own project. With blinded eyes I tried to make HER see the light. How sad. But once I let go He did something wonderful! IN ME!!! He caused me to see my own reflection and my own tattered state. And then He was able to go to work.
Where are we now? Well, He’s still working. *smiling* I sent her my story several years ago after He gave it to me. She and I were on better terms then but still the closeness was missing. She called me crying. She knows I’ve posted it on my blog. God is still working. They are still not in church. And my heart still aches for them. I trust Him in their lives and trust Him in mine. She is HIS work, not mine. I want to be free to love her and that means living my life of falling down and getting back up with His help. In Jude His Word says to save some with love and some by snatching them out of the fire. {PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying they are not saved. NOT AT ALL! I am just saying, the pointing back to the Savior to restore where they have been wounded.} His Church is His idea. He wants us to work together. But again, the point to this story is trusting Him and letting HIM do HIS work. If we will just remember simple Truth! The logs in my eye were not seen for the twigs in hers. I don’t want to be that way. I want to LOVE! HE has to do that through me. And that means loving enough to speak the Truth IN LOVE when He leads and to keep silent at other times He leads.
Relationship: One year ago I suffered a tremendous and heartbreaking friendship split with another believer. This person was a person that I thought would be my best friend forever. Our families were intertwined…my children and her children were family to each other…she knew me like no one else AND we had the same heavenly Daddy! But, something happened and I don’t really know what it was….she broke off the friendship and cut me out of her life with no explanation. Oh how I have grieved for this loss in my life. Lisa Whelchel’s book, Friendship for Grown-ups, was a lifesaver for me.It helped to know that other people had gone through similar break-ups. Although it seems fairly common for women to have friendship breakups, no one talks about it and therefore no one knows how to help you through it. My husband even asked me one day as I was crying once again over this friendship loss, “Are you EVER going to be over this?” to which I responded, “I really don’t know if I will ever get over this!”. Slowly God has healed my heart and He has given me lots of clarity regarding this situation. I still miss my friend every day but with God’s grace and love my heart doesn’t ache as much anymore. For this, I am so grateful. Thank you Jesus!
What occurs to me while reading through these is that I wonder how much of this is spiritual warfare. The enemy wants us to think the worst and he fuels lies in an attempt to sabotage our relationships with God and each other. He also wants us to think our issues/struggles are bigger than God.
Instead of letting the enemy or our own insecurity/ignorance win, we need to work together to figure out the lies we believe and replace them with God’s truth. We need to help each other honestly & openly in God’s love. How many of these stories could have ended differently if we did that?
I’ve thought about writing a book on this topic – I refer to it as Spiritual Empowerment. Working together in Christ to strengthen our relationships with God and others.
Please write that book!
Relationship- Like others that have responded, I had a relationship fracture due to unhealthy dependency issues. I developed a close friendship with someone. We spent time walking together, hours on the phone together, and time serving together in ministries at church. We were of like mind in many things at a time our church was going through huge struggles including the suicide of our children’s minister. My friend was also going through one of the biggest trials of her life. I was happy to be her support. Her husband lost his job and took a job out of state which is bound to change a relationship, but it also gave me a perspective that our relationship was unhealthy. She started to express jealously of other friendships and didn’t understand when my life was getting crazy and I didn’t have hours to spend on the phone. I knew she was hurting from the move and feeling lonely, but I felt like I couldn’t give anymore. So, I was honest with her and we grew apart and lost touch for a while. I know she was hurt deeply, but I truly felt it was best for both of us. That was about 4 years ago. Since that time, we have both done a lot of work on our own and growing in our walk with God. We have slowly built that relationship back up again and have begun to make monthly phone call dates. I am thankful that God is restoring the friendship and see how much more healthier it is. I know that would not have happened without us both doing our own work to depend on God and not each other.
Relationship – my 15+ year friendship with what I called my best-friend reached a rocky point a few years ago when I was dating (and planning to marry) a man my friend didn’t approve of.. she wrote me 2 letters outlining how I did things wrong and had abandoned her.. I immediately met with her try to talk it out – we agreed to disagree about the man (I truly believed the Lord brought that relationship about) but our relationship was very strained and as things progressed with the man (shopping for engagement rings, etc) it grew worse and worse with the friend… when the man eventually dumped me I was devastated (of course) but it was very painful that she seemed to show no mercy to me.. mutual friends or ours intervened to try to reconcile her to me… we still get together but I don’t feel the freedom I used to in the friendship – feel like I have to perform and keep her happy or I’ll be ousted once again… not fun. but it’s sooooo hard to find new friends when you’re a grown up in your 40s!
Little Rock
Rebecca, 30’s, married with two kids.
My biggest challege right now is living in the Spirit in my everyday life. I have been faithfully in the Word for several years now. I am memorizing scripture with you. I speak to God every single day. I work in Women’s Ministry in my church. I am still having huge struggles with being the wife and mom God has called me to be. My husband just about drives me insane and me and my 7 year old daughter butt heads almost every minute we are together. (I can’t believe I just typed that sentence on Beth Moore’s blog.) I mess up with my family in the worse way almost every day. I am dying to figure out just how exactly I am supposed to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in the middle of my everyday.
Thanks and I love you so much! Can’t wait to hear what God has to say through you this weekend!!!
Relationship – Oh my yes – over doctrinal issues. Tore our friendship to shreds. Pride, Anger, Hurt Feelings kept us apart for almost 10 years. Praise the Lord – and Beth Moore bible studies (which we have been doing together for about 3 years now) God’s WORD and PRAYER – we are building that friendship back up – have both grown in wisdom and know that with CHRIST the center of our relationship the issues that tore us apart don’t matter.
I could cry thinking about the pain we both went through but know that HE is the center of our relationship now and we are looking forward to many years hanging with Jesus and each other!
Relationships
I am a pastors wife and seperation in relationships is a hallmark of ministry, I believe. Some of these relationships dissolve because of unfortunate disagreements within the church and others because of simply “moving on”. I have found this to be the hardest aspect of ministry. When you pastor a church you become deeply invested in peoples lives, sharing in their joys and their hurt, loving like family. When these relationships part, it tears your heart every time. I have grieved much over relationships that have required each going different directions. Admitedly, I don’t believe I have done this well as after 18 years of being a pastors wife I find my tendency to be overly cautious in new relationships now resulting in lonliness. Heaven cannot come too soon as I look forward to perfect fellowship. I would love to hear your teaching on this subject and know it will be significant to many. Prayers and blessings to you as you minister the powerful, healing Word of God!
Relationship~
Several years ago my marriage suffered a serious tragedy. Several of my Christian sisters could not “handle the scandal” and dropped me like of sack of potatoes. My marriage is still together, by the grace of God.
Those sisters are still in the picture, but not as they once were. I always thought that friends were friends no matter what the issue. What I learned was God is God.
Relationships
Several years ago, the Lord brought a wonderful friend into my life. We shared the same passion for women’s ministry and served together in our church. As friends we shared and talked about many things and worked closely together on many projects. While serving the ladies in our church, the Lord pressed upon me some things that my dear friend was doing, things that were hurtful to her ministry. I prayed, like never before, that it would just work itself out without me having to go to my friend and talk to her about her behavior. I waited, the situation got worse, and I knew that I needed to approach her (I was such a chicken). I knew it wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have, but prayed that she would see, really see, what her actions were doing to many in our church family, especially those that looked up to her. As her friend I felt that I could go to her, in a spirit of love, gently and openly talk to her. That was one of the last times we talked. She and her family have moved to another ministry, I miss her dearly. I have tried to open communication with her, only to hear silence. I have asked her forgiveness for anything that I had done, even out of love, to hurt her, still silence. I still consider her my dear friend, always will. It has taken several years for me to get to a point, that I understand and know, it is not in my timing that this relationship will be healed, but His perfect sweet timing. The Lord has given me a great peace about this relationship, for I am leaning more and more on Him.
Relationship – We were pregnant, then new moms together. Her joy at being a new mother was an inspiration to me. We are both working moms, but enjoyed afternoons at the park and all other times together with our percious ones. Her second daughter was born on my son’s birthday. Suddenly, through difficult circumstances, she was single. I tried to support her as changes came into her life. However, her goals and lifestyle began to change…we grew apart. I began to feel led that it was best for me to allow our friendship to dissolve and the distance to grow. After more than 10 years, I still miss her and the friendship we once had. God directed changes aren’t always easy, but I know it was for the best.
LITTLE ROCK. Angela. 35. Married. Last year I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It was a blow, but not as hard to take as the news that would follow. When I told my mother about my diagnosis, she confessed, after 34 years, that the man I have always believed to be my father, someone who abandoned me at birth, in fact, might not be my father. Another man… someone she knew after she and “my father” split, was a type 1 diabetic. I did some research and found the man’s picture online. As soon as I saw his face, I began to sob. It was as though I was looking into the face of my little girl. The resemblance was undeniable and shocking. To make a very long story short, many prayers and one DNA test later, it was confirmed the man in the picture was, indeed, my father. But instead of introducing him to his grandchildren, I take them to leave flowers at his grave. He died, the result of complications of diabetes, in 2006. There is no manual entitled, “I’m 34 and I Just Found My Real Father and He’s Dead.” I know God’s plan is perfect. I do. But it took me years to rid myself of the insecurities of being abandoned and rejected by the man whom I always believed to be my father. That abandonment and fear shaped my relationships with men throughout my life. The cruel fact that he was just a man (not my father) but was afforded the opportunity to hurt me in so deep a way stirs up mighty emotions in me. I want to be angry. I want to be bitter. And yet, I trust God’s plan is always perfect. But so many years of pain…. So many tears…. And the man whose blood I shared never had the chance to love me… or leave me. I was made to be a daddy’s girl. I really was. My heart still aches and yearns for understanding, but I know, Heaven will be that much sweeter. Because after I run into the arms of my heavenly father, there will be another set of arms waiting to hold me for the first time.
Little Rock
Susan, OK, young 40’s, NBM (never been married)
Currently in a season of weariness. Just tired. Caring for a homebound father. Honestly just dealing with some disappointment with life, just not the way I thought it would be. Life. Although I am blessed in more ways I can describe. So I feel lame for even mentioning disappointed with life. Watching my best friend go through some very difficult crisis and other friends as well walking difficult journeys. Remembering how they’ve been there for me on some dark roads. Not wanting to slip back into a pit of defeat. Just weary, tired and disappointed I suppose is how I would describe my season right now. Thank you for asking. I’m so ready to swim in His grace this weekend, as one of your precious co-workers said to me.
Susan
Susan,
I am, also, 40 and have never been married. The way you describe how you feel is exactly how I’ve been feeling over the last several months. Just disappointed and weary. Weary is a word that I’ve used often lately to describe how I feel but I hate feeling that way b/c God has been so gracious to me and blessed me greatly. I’m so looking forward to this weekend, too!!
relationship. i was going through a really rough patch a year ago. having some core “is God really good issues”. i was so locked up in lies, i couldn’t see truth. my reality was genuinely distored. through this a woman who i’d been in close discipleship relationship with met with me and basically said she wanted to still meet, and disciple me, but where i was at currently, she just couldn’t. i went home and wept. hard. not only was i struggling with my ideas about God, all of a sudden my closest friend was in affect saying i was too much for her to handle. it was my lowest time. but the lord in his actual goodness used this break to push me into seeing a professional therapist. where there was GREAT healing. i don’t even recognize that girl from a year ago!! after i’d been in therapy for about 6 month i started trying to mend the relationship with my dear friend. and i can say now, that we’re fully restored, if not a thousand times better!!! it has been so beautiful being back in relationship with her, continuing to learn and grow together.
Relationship:
I actually have just had this issue arise. My bestfriend and I have been friends our whole lives… very rare now a days. We were inseperable until we entered our Senior year of highschool. We drifted apart when I was a part of a sexual relationship and she was a part of a “different” crowd. I soon got out of the sexual realtionship due to immense pain, guilt, and shame and turned my life completely around. My bestfriend and I never seemed to get back on the right page after I cleaned up my life and she was still experiencing other things, trying to find out who she was. She finally moved off and we lost the will power to continue talking everyday and ended up becoming two different people. Her choices became more and more self based rather than Christ focused. I had no intention of ever letting this relationship fail due to us being friends for so long. But in the end, God released me from the relationship after she had made a huge decision (can’t go into detail, but it was major) that left me completely hurt,torn,and confused. I still had no intention of ending our friendship, but she wanted me to get over the whole situation quickly and my heart just needed healing. So, our relationship has ended. Though I know there were things we both said and did that were wrong, in the end sometimes God’s hand just needs to be in the middle and healing needs to take place before a relationship can move forward. So that is where we are, no longer friends, but letting God have complete control.
relationship
Best friends for years. Shared life and ministry. Misunderstanding around a death of a mutal friend. After 6 years we can talk now but just surface stuff. I pray – release it to the Lord – there is a “not wanting to go there ever” from friend. Short enough? haha
Relationship. My husband and I were blessed with the friendship of another couple. This friendship grew out of doing ministry together. Over the course of time we saw things, heard things that were difficult to see and hear regarding choices/direction/leading personally and ministry-wise. It took a long time, but we eventually talked to them about it. It was so hard! But we loved them so much. They didn’t see what we were seeing. It was difficult to know what to believe. Our friendship now feels more like an acquaintance. It’s sad. Do I want resolution or reconciliation? There’s a big part of me that wants to hear, “We get it. We understand why you came to us.” Can I get past wanting that to reconciliation – focusing on the friendship without the acknowledgment? There has been wounding on both sides. And that’s where we’re at right now. Wounded.
A few years ago I met a woman whom I felt was my other half. We had great times together. I thought we were really close and could share anything with each other and have tremendous trust. Some months later she stopped talking to me. She would not tell me why or what I did. She felt as though I should know and that offended her even more. About a year later we renewed our friendship only to have it happen again. I had never been so hurt by a friend or treated in such a weird and confusing way. She has reached out to me again and I just don’t have the heart to go through all that again.
RELATIONSHIP
Almost 6 years ago my friendship with my best friend ended abruptly! She had been pulling away from me for at least 1 year prior. This is the friend that I believed I prayed for. I wrote her a letter asking for her forgiveness with no response. I even had her listen to one your teaching on “fighting for each other” as believers. My heart ached so deeply because I loved her like my own flesh and blood!! I even saught professional counsel because I couldn’t function!! I now know that the Lord removed her from my life because she had become an idol. He NEVER will allow that to happen!! There has not been restoration but I really believe that He was protecting me. She will always have a place in my heart : )
RELATIONSHIP
My best friend and sister in Christ and I had a falling-out and didn’t speak for a year. It was over a misunderstanding and lack of communication on my part. I was at a very low point in my walk and was separated from my husband. I didn’t want anyone’s advice and was not willing to share details of my marital issues with anyone. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, my marriage was mended and so was our friendship. Today we are BFF’s again and have witnessed first hand what Christ can mend if you let Him. Praise God.
Little Rock-My name is Katherine-24-Single (but madly in love….with Jesus)
After 22 years of a worthless, self destructive, negative, hateful, broken, atheist life, I gave myself to the Lord. I remember the day when I said out loud,”either I will kill myself and make sure I’m successful, or You be with me God. And you give my life purpose.” I’ve never looked back. God’s blessed me with a “family” I never thought I could have, love that I never believe existed. Even greater than that, I get to tell ppl about His saving grace and the HOPE that comes in Jesus’s blood. Every other week I venture into our local county jail (with 4 other wonderful women of God) and I get to deliver the message. Every week, I get to tell “inner city” kids (ages 14-18) of Hope and healing and restoration. Beyond salvation (as if He couldn’t stop there) Jesus keeps pouring gifts over me.
I’ve given my life to Christ–fully. I still have battles. I realized just a few days ago “hey, I really am a Christian! I REALLY do believe this!” 🙂 because even in the dark moments. Even when satan tries to pull me away, even when I can’t “feel” God, I still cling to Him w all my might.
My biggest struggle at this point is making sure that I’m on the right path-headed in the right direction, and soaking up all I can from the lessons He is teaching me. You see, I told Jesus I’d go whereever, whenever….deep inside of me, I feel a pulling, and I know that my life will take me into the darkest areas of the world. Jesus reached down into a dark and broken soul to pull me out. He is now sending me into a dark and broken world to pull His people into the Light.
Someone once said there is no purpose for light, but to bring it into the darkness. My purpose is to love!
RELATIONSHIP – as a pastor’s wife, it’s hard to have really close friends in the church for various reasons. But i did have one very close friend and she was in a place of ministry as well as her husband… we found out about an affair that had taken place on his part for a LONG time with another church member. she was devastated as was I! SHe was my friend! So much took place during all that time and she had him move out and she was hurt to the core… well, she took him back and actually took the blame and i was so hurt for her and by this… they have since left the church and even though we are still friends, it will never be like it was before all this happened and it breaks my heart to pieces.
Relationship: A little over two years ago, something happened between our husbands. It was a very painful situation for not only my man, but for me. Two weeks prior, we had just started one of your Bible studies (our first one). It was the hardest thing for me to walk into Bible study, because of what had happened. At other events, I was avoided, where in the past; we were always together and talking with each other. We have continued to attend your Bible studies and just finished our 7th one. It was during this last Bible study that we finally talked about what had happened. I have since learned during my time in the Bible studies and spending time in God’s Word, that she is not able to bring me comfort, no matter what words she would have said then, or has said now. Only God can do that for me. I truly believe that God had me see the notice about the Bible study and in turn ask her if she wanted to attend, because of what was to come. We are still friends and will always be sisters in Christ. Although the friendship is different from what it used to be, that doesn’t mean it is a bad thing. Because of what happened, my relationship with Christ has become more than I ever imagined and my man and I are closer than ever. How awesome is that?!
P.S. A big THANK YOU for letting God use you to bring me closer to Him. I love you, Mama Beth!
Relationship: As a young teen, I formed a very close bond with my 8th grade teacher who was one of the most Christian and influential people in my life. This woman mentored me and after she was no longer my teacher, I kept returning to her classroom to be an assistant to her. In high school, she saw me talking with the sister of my boyfriend and she accused me of divulging confidential school matters to this other student. No matter how much I tried to tell her that I didn’t and would never divulge confidential matters, she didn’t believe me and would never again, even when I was an adult, allow me to assist in her classroom. Our relationship fell apart and I continued to suffer and feel betrayed by her behavior. Now, as a much older adult, I wish I had had the chance to confront her once again and try to explain to her that I was truthful, but she died and I never had that chance. My prayer is that now that she is with our Lord, she knows the truth already and we will be reunited some day.
RELATIONSHIP:
I had a very dear friend who I’d been close to since sleepovers and Barbie doll days. We went through youth group, college, then weddings/pregnancies together. As young families, we had a group of 3 couples that were best friends… our husbands were close, we (the wives) were best friends, and our kids all loved each other. While my husband was on a mission trip (of all things), I found out this friend had been having an affair with him for a year. The fracture with my husband who loved the Lord, that was painful. Scarring even. (Worthy of a paragraph all it’s own for sure). But somehow, it was harder to forgive my lifelong friend than it was him. The affair obviously hurt, but then finding out she’d talked so badly about me behind my back too… that really hurt. We both loved the Lord, so how did this happen? Many months and hundreds of dollars in counseling later I was able to write her a heartfelt letter of forgiveness. That was 8 years ago. I’ve never heard a word from her. When I’ve seen her she ignores me. Sometimes her phone number will flicker through my mind. It’s been easier to forgive her than forget her. I miss the friendship I thought we had, but I’ve had to leave it at the cross. A fracture with no resolution is a hard pill to swallow. I’m thankful that even with pain, there can still be peace.
Sorry to have left this part hanging: My friend and her husband are still together. My husband and I survived at first, but he left 2 years later after after having multiple affairs. He remarried 6 wks after our divorce, and has cheated on his new wife now too. I’m happily remarried — God’s a redeemer alright. (I still miss my friend though. Isn’t that crazy?)
RELATIONSHIP
We are as different as night and day. She was Martha and I Mary, she a mom and home maker and I a career woman, she a girly girl thrilled with all things pink and me well not so much except the pink part. Despite our differences we are both sold out in love with Jesus. We bonded over the tragedy of our spouse’s ultimate betrayal forming a prayer, accountability support group. We wept, prayed & encouraged each other in the Lord to stand firm lifting our Shields of Faith and Swords to slice through the darkness to fight for our marriages and families. We served the Lord faithfully together for 10+ years in our church ministering to other hurting women who find themselves in deeply painful circumstances. I attribute my love and zeal for serving in women’s ministry & bible study to this sister and you our Beloved Siesta Mama. ;)) Praise God her marriage was healed and restored mine unfortunately not but God is still Faithful. Over time she began to distance herself as if divorce was somehow contagious. Where transparency and honesty marked our dealings I began noticing a disturbing trend of duplicity in her. Despite attempts to express my heart she remained defensive and avoidant. The tipping point came when the Lord led me to another place of service and I shared my plans. She told me that the Lord didn’t tell her and release me and asked if I was sure that I had heard from the Lord correctly? I was pretty confident and was hoping for a blessing and reference as a faithful lay church leader for 10 years. She said that she wasn’t comfortable giving a reference and we have been estranged ever since. We’ve seen each other on occasions and she “pretends” to want to reconnect but never follows through. This breakup has been incredibly painful and somehow hurt more than the betrayal of a spouse coming from a dearly loved sister in Christ. Psalm 55: 12-14 brought tremendous clarity and comfort to a very painful breakup. Despite it all God has kept my heart tender towards women as I have continued to serve them in the Lord. I have forgiven my sister and pray that the Lord would heal the relationship in His time.
Lord rain down I pray a mighty healing breaks out throughout Siestaville.
Relationship
At my last church, I had a BFF who hooked to me like glue very quickly. I was surprised and thankful to have such a sweet friend so fast. Quite a devastating rumor abounded about my husband and myself and she was a stanch ally. My husband and I left the church,(actually because of completely different circumstances but we were thankful), and the BFF did also,(because of how I was treated). Now,she has gone back to said church and is BFF with the person who started the rumor about my family. Let me say that I say, “hi” if I see her, but there is not a close relationship. I think I would be stupid if I tried to be close to her. Loyalty is a HUGE issue with me and I am so thankful my God is completely loyal.
*addition
I heard someone say that a missionary had gone into an unreached area of the world. Years later when he died, they wrote on his tombstone….and I hope this proves true in my life.
“When he came, there was no light; When he left, there was no darkness.”
That, I believe is God’s calling on our life.
Um…okay. I pray God shows up in a mighty way through Beth this weekend in L.R.. God has a way of touching every heart at the same time, differently, while exceeding all our needs as only He can do. As Beth has said in the past, “Father, protect us from everything but your glory.” I love this so much, it has become my life creed.
I love LPM and every person in this community of believers.
Thanks,
Vickie