Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
RELATIONSHIP: A very, very close friend an I parted ways many years ago. I began dating a man she did not think was a good person. We remained friends for a couple years after I began dating him and tried to keep our friendship somewhat separate from that issue, but, in the end, she did not feel she was able to do that. Now I am married to that man and we have a sensational life together. I think my friend and I were just growing in slightly different directions. I still miss here though.
RELATIONSHIP-
I had a dear, truly cherished friendship with someone I had actually used to dislike quite a bit. We are quite different, and I hate to admit that once upon a time I had almost enjoyed disliking her; I suffered from extreme self-righteousness and pride where she was concerned. But then God began to convict me, and He knit us together through those nudgings on me, and by giving us common life experiences. As I began to turn from my self-righteous pride, I realized that she was one of my very favorite poeple. Truly, I loved her, prayed for her, trusted her, sought to help her grow in her faith, and was encouraged in my own life by her. Then, the enemy began to sneak and destroy, and she began to slip into overt and dangerous sin. I prayed fervently for her; as lovingly as I was able I called her out on the sin; and I waited at her side. As she slipped deeper into sin, and became unreachable, the circumstances of her sin forced me to choose to walk away from our friendship. I was compelled by the Spirit to take a stand against her on behalf of her children, which was an extremely hard thing to do. I know the Word tells us to flee from unrighteousness and to cast out the believer who refuses to turn from their sin, but I never, ever realized how stinking hard it is to have to do that. It has been 2.5 years and I still miss her. I miss the friedship we had. When I see her, I am still sad for her, her children, and for myself. I wonder if I will ever stop missing our friendship.
Sin is so ugly.
Relationship: My parents. Mother: abandoned family twice during my teens years. Only person in my life I can actually say I hated. Hard to say that now because God restored that relationship and I love her more than anything, she is so precious to me. Father: hung on to bitterness over the years, our relationship is distant now. Have found out that I’m basically “cut out of the will”. He still tries to manipulate with guilt.
Relationship: I moved to another state to stay with some family and help with their church. I loved them so very much & still do. Satan’s fiery darts entered into their minds about me & they believed the lie. They asked me to leave the church and their home. I believed in them so much that I even doubted my own motives. BUT GOD! He provided a way for me & I have now fully forgiven them. There’s no reconciliation, and I don’t anticipate one. I know the Lord used this to prove Himself strong & mighty to me. He also brought down the idolatry I had built up about pastors. I now have great insight into the story of Joseph. I am so thankful for the experience & the Lord’s hand on my life. I bless them! What the enemy meant to destroy me, God used to bless me!!
Relationship…..my husband and I have been married 19 years…he has been in drug rehab since Dec.2010….I once thought that we would be together forever….we have abuse in our childhood’s in common…we have 4 boys, our oldest is graduating this year…..but at this point I am questioning if we ever was God”s plan..I know I am hurt….By my own husband…but this has me putting up walls I never thought I would…..even in my prayer’s and personal relationship with God….I feel angry and lost…even all these months later..Forgiving seems impossible..
Oh Chrystal! What a difficult and troubling situation you are in. I am praying for you today and will continue to!! May Jesus be very real to you today!
Dear Crystal,
I am so sorry for your difficult situation. Forgiving someone so close to us is so very difficult to do. I know for me when I had to do forgiving towards my father, it seemed like the hardest thing I could ever do. What helped me was crying out to God literally saying aloud why I was so hurt and then saying the words I forgive my father. From there it was a process that lead to me being free.
LITTLE ROCK: Valerie, 40’s, Married. I’m wanting to leave the work force after 25 years so I can work in ministry with my friend and have more time at home. My husband is wanting to leave the work force too in a few years and we’re working towards that. Struggle I’m having is keeping a good attitude at work, I keep asking God if I can leave now, but not feeling released from that yet.
Also, wanting to maintain a relationship with my niece (brother’s daughter). He does not have any contact with her and I’m struggling with how to do that and not hurt my relationship with my brother.
Beth, I am so excited about coming this weekend. I’ve been praying for a fresh word and a relaxing time for me to spend in God’s Word.
This is off topic but I really need a prayer. Not for me but for my mom. A lump was found in hr breast and it has been sent for examination in the lab. It is worrying me so much and I am not able to concentrate on anything. Will yall please pray for my mom Indhira. I really appreciate it.
Vee,
I just offered a prayer for your mom. May the good LORD give you His peace that surpasses all understanding.
Love in Him,
Lisa
Little Rock:God told me at 12:30 this morning I should send a comment. My name is Gwen, I’m married and have 3 children. On November 12, 2010 my whole life changed in the time to say it “it’s cancer”. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 41. What God has been doing in my life these past few months would take more than one paragraph! He is REAL!! He has been my constant companion. He wants me to share my story, to show his love to others. I talk to anyone who will listen!! Unfortunaly, I will not be in Little Rock this weekend. I hate it so much. The words you share from God have brought me so much encouragement over the years. In fact I have Romans 15:13 taped to my mirror. So each morning as I put on my do-rag and ball cap and draw on my eyebrows,I reminded to trust God and I do have hope (you had posted this scripture on an earlier blog). I pray God’s blessings on you this weekend. I pray God shows out and does a mighty work. There will be a group of ladies from my church attending, Cedar Crest Baptist Church in West Monroe, LA (just a shout out to my girls!!) I could go on forever talking about God, but I’ve been to long already. God Bless!!
Relationship: A sibling and I were best friends growing up in an abusive family. As we moved to different states as an adult, we remained close on the phone. After I divorced my abusive husband (his idea, I had a newborn baby at the time), I moved to the same city as my sibling. She helped and supported me. She had become a Christian while we lived in different states. Unfortunately, after I remarried three years later, she went her own way. We don’t see each other very often, even though we live nearby. Our phone conversations are short. I’m sad that we are not close now, and confused as to why. I think busyness has stolen our relationship. But I worry my needs as a divorced broken women with a newborn and 6 year old daughter, may have burned her out.
Little Rock…38 yrs old, 2 children, married for 13 years….Dear Beth, the first time that I saw you ten years ago I had just started the journey of a health mountain that I could never imagine. The Lord had put on my heart the verse “For blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished”. At the end of your teaching that day, you shared this verse, I fell to my knees. Ten years later, more dr.s around the U.S. than I can remember, brain scans, loads of meds., trials, brain rehab therapy, hyesterectomy, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue & too many other things to list, I have not had restorative sleep in over ten years now. My memory is impaired as well as cognitive skills and there are precious things that I cannot remember, I have no memory of them at all. But ten years ago I was doing a study that God would revive, renew, & restore… sadly, I have spent more time in the desert than in His presence. I’ve often not chosen to drink of His living waters. 🙁 I’ve moved several states during this time and have been on this “island” alone except for being in clinics with others that understand. My close sisters in Christ lives states away. I’ve collapsed from exhaustion and fear at times. And then I realize that I’ve taken my eyes off of Him. And that breaks my heart. Through these years and this trial in my life…I’ve come to realize that it may never be my body that is revived, but my precious Father will complete that work in my heart. I feel like the prodigal again and again…and then I recall Luke 1:45. That is one of my “swords” because as stubborn as I feel, I know that He WILL accomplish because I do believe…even if my vision gets cloudy & I never sleep or feel rested another day in my life. I just saw you in Birmingham, God used your words to pierce my heart. I smile as I type this…I have no doubt that this will happen this weekend in Little Rock.:) Thank you for the joy, wisdom, and love that you share with others.
I am just a face in the crowd…but you will never know how much your words have meant to me through the years and how God has used your teachings to hold me together in the frailest of moments. Can’t wait for this weekend! Little Rock…here we come!! =)
Relationships:
My husband was on staff at a church as the Care Pastor, there was a couple we had invited to church, they started attending on a regular basis. They even wanted to host a small group in there home with us doing the teaching. I really felt that our families were becoming very good friends. I made a habit of calling each of the families in our small group on a weekly basis setting up what food we would be having, therefore the host family we communicated several times throughout the week. As small groups ended (we took time off for summer). As the weeks went by church softball kicked in this family was on the team and I would watch there baby during the game. Around mid July I noticed that since the end of softball they were not attending as regularly and therefore tried to call. My phone calls were not returned. Then one Sunday my husband and I were asked to come to a meeting with our Pastor, his wife and the associate Pastor. In the meeting we found out that this family that we thought we were friends with said some things about us that were untrue. My husband asked why the family was not there so that we could face those who had something against us. We were told that was not going to happen. I cant tell you how hurt I was, there remarks not only affected my family but also affected the relationship we thought we had with the senior pastor. Unfortuantly the relationship with the family was not mended. We did send a letter to them a year later but nothing came from it. God had told me to send the letter and I did, I was at that moment released. The relationship with the Senior Pastor was mended I am happy to say. This was a very difficult time.
Little Rock!
My husband died tragically in a car accident while I was pregnant with our second child. My amazing group of bible study girls (14 of us) will be in LR tomorrow praising Jesus for the work He is doing in our lives. We’ve gone through four of your bible studies and we are in the middle of your revised Breaking Free. God has opened my eyes to why I do not have the benefit of God’s peace-I’ve been blaming it on being a single mom to two under the age of four, work, even being too busy with bible studies!! Then I read about the obstacle of prayerlessness. I’ve been relying on others to pray for me since the accident and God has worked so much over the last three years (He’s even brought a new godly man in my life, but now God is telling me to PRAY! Not just for my friends’ prayer requests, but on my knees praising Him and having a deep conversation with Him! Look for me tomorrow, I’ll be the one of the ones crying my eyes out because of my overwhelming passion for God and getting to share it with thousands of other women doing their best to serve our mighty God!
Relationship: A few years ago I served on a women’s ministry team with a woman that I respected. She was also my leader in our life group. As I got to know her better, I found myself at odds with her style of leadership. While she was my life group leader, we were peers on the women’s ministry team. In the life group meeting, I shared a difficulty I was having in my marriage. She called me after the meeting and told me I was no longer qualified to serve on the ministry team. This message hurt my feelings and I felt she was out of line. I also didn’t know how to handle the problem. So I blew it BIG TIME and discussed it with other people including members of the ministry team. I did not discuss it with her directly. Of course my actions and words made their way back to her. The relationship broke because neither one of us knew how to talk to each other about difficult issues. I tore it down even more with careless words and actions. We went through the motions of forgiveness. In my heart I have forgiven her but our relationship has never been completely repaired. To this day we do not speak to one another. It is very sad. This broken relationship has changed me. I finally saw how my words can really break a relationship beyond repair and that even when you take responsibility for your actions that a relationship can remain broken.
Relationship. I was deeply hurt by my dearest Christian friend by a comment she made about my child. It could have destroyed our friendship, but after a few days, I called and told her we need to talk which we did for several hours. Crying and talking until we resolved it best we could. It took time, but we are now closer than ever and that painful time hardly ever comes to my mind anymore. It was a miracle of God that we survived that incident.
Little rock
I’m 31 years old and one of he things I’m dealing with a lot right now is relationships & trusting others. I’ve had a great deal of hurt from friends, boyfriends & even family. I took a step back from my church family as a result & I’m trying to regain my walk with God as I once experienced it. I feel lost at times & struggle to find my place. It’s the 3 steps forward and 2 steps back thing. I just keep praying & trying to push through
I am right there with you Melissa. And never thought I would be there at this stage in my life ~ late 30’s!
Little Rock…31 years old, married, mother of two boys (ages 1 & 5), high school teacher
I have struggled with weight issues my entire life. I remember going on my first diet when I was in the third grade. As a teen and in my early twenties, I was over 300 pounds. At the age of 23, I was told I would most likely not be able to have children. That changed my outlook on life completely – I was determined to lose weight the right way and keep it off. I lost 130 pounds in the next two years. As I walked daily past a beautiful church, I began to talk to God. I started attending that church & was saved. I then met my husband, and through miracles only God can be credited with, have TWO wonderful boys. Through marriage and pregnancies, I gained back 75 pounds. I am currently on a journey to lose that weight. I have lost 42 pounds and am still losing! Even though I struggle daily with food choices, God has been my strength and guidance. Without Him, I would have been forever trapped by my food addiction.
My Dearest Racheal….I am so PROUD of you dear one! Jamie could have never picked a SWEETER wife than you! Walking out the door to head for airport to jump jet from Fairbanks, Alaska to Little Rock! I am now going to have to go with smudged makeup!!WE are going to have an awesome time with the Lord and Beth this weekend!!!!Barbie
Relationship:
A few years ago we felt God calling us to a specific church. Soon we found out that the people had been praying for someone to lead the music ministry. Since that was my Husband’s major in Bible college and we are both trained musicians, we were delighted to get involved and he was asked to be the minister of music.
During the time that we served there, we developed close friendships, had an effective minitry, and people drew closer to Christ (including us!). It was not long before people who were involved in the music ministry started referring to my husband as a “pastor” or calling him for a personal need or prayer intead of the regular pastor of the church. He became awkward around my husband and started slowly phasing us out of the ministries that we were involved in. After many uncomfortable months, it became necessary for us to leave.
We have good relationships with all but a handfull of people at that church, but I do not think that there will ever be reconciliation between us and that small group of people, incuding the pastor.
I am right there with you. When you are on staff at a church at times relationships become so difficult, when you have to leave some take it so personally and get offended. This makes it difficult for all involved. We had a similar situation it took time but most of all we had to turn it over to God forgive if we need to and let it go.
RELATIONSHIP — Yes, I have had relationships fall apart. We moved from a place where we’d lived many years. Although I vowed to keep in touch by writing letters (and I have -), sending letters, cards, telephoning — some of the people that I considered my dear friends have (I guess) moved on. Maybe I’ve worn them down. I keep throwing the friendship ball but they do not play. It is painful, especially since no one in my new community comes close to the level of friendship that we shared over the years, but perhaps it’s God’s way of leading me to fully live in the present rather than in the past.
Relationship: A close family friend and christian married man that I trusted began to pursue me during my college years. I have had a lot of emotional pain, guilt, sadness, and grief over this relationship. I felt trapped and confused with my own emotions. That was 20 years ago. Still to this day I have BIG issues with trust. This has leaked in to every other relationship I have, both friends and family. We have not mended. And neither have our families. I do not feel like I want to, or that we can. Too much has happened.
Little Rock: My biggest struggle right now is trust in relationships. I am currently doing Breaking Free and am working through this issue. I just can’t seem to get past thinking and feeling like my friends could walk out of my life at any minute. I have very few close friends because I won’t allow myself to go deep for fear they will leave me. I think somehow this is also tied into my self-worth and feeling like I am not good enough to be friends with some of the amazing christian women I am around. Oh how I would LOVE to know and feel in my heart that these people I adore aren’t going anywhere.
Forgot to say ~ married, late 30’s
I know where you are & I deal with the same issues. I’ve been listening to “So Long Insecurity” and it has brought out so many great points!
Relationship – While I was in college, I had a friendship that reached a point where I literally was unsure how we could ever move on after what had happened between us. It was one of those friendships that harbored some jealousy on her part when I would spend time with others, but it seemed I harbored equal amounts of resentment that went unchecked. Things finally came to blows where I I had to tell I couldn’t take it anymore – it was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have and we both walked away pretty hurt. But by the grace of God, both of our hearts began to change after that and we knew there was a lot of reconciling we needed to do. If ever there was a friend that taught me how to be tenacious in my relationships and to fight for them when they needed fighting for, it was her. God faithfully restored that broken friendship and we became dear friends after that.
Relationships
I think you have touched on something very very important to the body of Christ. Over the years I have had some difficult, painful relationships and have been baffled as to how to handle them. I did not handle them well,but I truly did not know what to do differently. As I have read through these comments, I see myself on both sides of many relationship problems. Often, I am the one to walk away; feeling overwhelmed by another person’s needs. Or I am deeply hurt when a friend begins to back off. Finally, after an absolutely heart-breaking situation with a Christian friend with whom I was in several ministries, I came to the conclusion that I am not cut out for female friendships. The fall-out from this situation was unbelievable and affected every aspect of my life. I went into a pit of depression that had a horrible impact on my family. This lasted for several years! About a year ago, just when I came upon “So Long Insecurity” and this blog, I began to heal enough to actually go back into Women’s Minsitry. What a miracle! I can now say I have some healthy (although not intensely close) friendships, a thriving ministry, a strong marriage, and good relationships with my church family, my children and my parents. I still have a broken relationship with my friend and some family members, but I am trusting God with them. I am so glad you are addressing this through the book of James. That is where I began to see the problem:”…you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel…” I was jealous! And others were jealous of me. Once I repented of this, my relationships improved dramatically.
I know this is rather vague but…Many years ago someone close to me (“A”) was going through a very unfortunate issue with a church leader (“B”). I did not know all details (had asked them not to tell me) but was there for them. In speaking to someone I regarded as my closest friend (“C”) they asked questions about the situation. I was vague in my answers except for one point blank question about something I felt would resolve the issue. Later in the day “C” called saying they had called “B” and told what I had said and asked me to forgive them. I said it was fine but it really changed our relationship. If “C” had of talked to me about their intent I would have shared that I had shared this with “B” but did not share it earlier in an attempt to not shine a bad light on “B”. It took a lot of prayer to get past not trusting “C” and not being angry with “B” but it was something I worked at and prayed about regularly. The issue with “A” and B” unfortunately drove “A” away from church for many years. “A” finally managed to set aside unforgiveness and start back to church and a few months later “B” approached “A” and asked for forgiveness. I had to continually ask God to beat down pride I know I did not come out of this on my own.
Relationships-
I have a friend that I’ve had to distance myself from. She’s loving, generous, fun, and a longtime Christian who has taught me a lot. Turns out she is her own worst enemy though, and has a very dark side. The relationship became so draining, so toxic, so painful that I had to pull away. It hurt worse because of the Christian sisterhood feeling. I’d still do anything for her, but can’t do the day in day out with her. I ran across this quote today that fits pretty well with this picture:
“Edith lived in a little world; bound on the north, south, east and west by Edith!”
Relationship:
I lost a dear friend of 20 years when I wasn’t comfortable with her decision to marriage a non-Christian man, whom she had only known for about 3 months. Our children grew up together, we laughed together, prayed together. My husband and I were her support and comfort during a divorce that devastated her. It was extremely hard to speak, what I believe was the Lord’s truth to her, regarding this decision she was making. But, I knew that I was the ONLY Christian voice she had in her life at the time.And she had told me many times the type of man she was waiting for and he was not that man. She decided to marry him and we weren’t invited to attend the wedding. She refused to come to my daugthers wedding at the time, and I haven’t seen her since. It breaks my heart every time I think about all we are missing in each others lives.
RELATIONSHIP: In my husband’s early years in youth ministry we were very close to another pastor and his wife, working under them in ministry and developing a deep respect and close relationship with them. The church split and they moved to a different town and church to serve as senior pastors. We moved to a different church, a while later, and began ministry there, and we continued to keep in contact with our pastor friends, whom my husband served with, and whom he looked up to as a mentor. Several years later that same pastor couple were asked to come to the church where we were serving, and serve as co-pastors with us. Shortly afterwards, it was evident to both my husband and I that they were entirely different people than the ones we had grown close to, and we weren’t on the same page with them in where we saw the church going, and my husband felt it necessary to resign his position there. Since then, our relationship has been severed, although we have forgiven them completely. It was a very disappointing and difficult time for us, but God has done great things in us and for us since then in restoration!
Relationship:
I know this is late; but i dont think its by accident i am here.. i am for the second time wounded by a sister in Christ and have been ON MY KNEES this week begging God to rid me of this soul eating anger. Second time i have let this woman in who is a believer and the second time she has destroyed me with her words and speaking horrible things about me behind my back. I have a hard time trusting to begin with; she knows this and yet; again has wounded me by her horrible behavior; self righteous attitidue not only towards me but other sisters in Christ, and i can not forgive her this time. Not again. and I am desperate to be obediant to God. I am failing. I dont know how!
Debbie,
I know how you feel! I have been where you are. Five years have passed since someone did the same kind of thing to me. I have forgiven in my heart as much as humanly possible. God will do the rest. As the years have passed, God has made it so clear that He wanted this person out of my life. I am healthier, happier, and more free than ever. I was truly in a toxic friendship for years and didn’t know what to do about it. Time helps with the healing. Remember that forgiving is for YOU and not for HER. It cuts you loose, and it does not excuse what she has done. You don’t need to even tell her about it – just forgive for yourself. God gave me Psalm 109 a few years ago. It helped me to see that I am not alone in this struggle, and that God indeed cares. He takes lying and betrayal seriously. Let Him take care of it for you!
Sheryl:
I sit here w/ Tears running down and holy goose bumps on my arms. Thank you for your words and i WILL go to Psalm 109. and I know the forgivness is for me not her. I am just having difficulty in letting that go. I have to still work w/ her every day and deal with her on a frequent basis. My faith is very important to me as well as being obediant to God and what His word tells me to do. I want my actions to REFLECT that as i know others are watching how i will handle this. I feel i am letting my Lord down. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me Sheryl. God’s blessing to you!
Little Rock
Stephanie, age 32, married almost 10 years.
Struggle with the balance of my marriage. My husband is a good leader, but often get lazy in that roll. It seems to be a constant conversation of me wanting more and him getting frustrated with my asking for more.
Also struggling with what we believe is PCOS and infertility. I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a Mom, and adoption is on the table, but I don’t feel God leading us in a certain direction.
Relationship: My father was pastoring a church for well over a decade when the church went through a terrible split, fueled largely by vicious gossip about our family. I was abandoned by church people I had always considered as family. For months, even years, I could not feel at home in a church or feel safe and vulnerable with church people, even with those friends who had persisted in their relationships with me. Although I had always felt called to church ministry, I lost all desire to serve in any capacity in a church. When we visited churches that seemed healthy, I would sit and quietly weep through the entire service. Around that time, my husband and I attended the retirement service for our pastor back where we had gone to school, and the love and support in the sanctuary stirred so much grief in my soul for my parents and the dishonor they received from their congregation. It has been three years since we left that church, and praise the Lord! I am living an abundant life once again! So many relationships were lost, but I am so thankful for the relationships retained. If you are reading this, please send up a quick prayer for some family relationships that were severed at that time.
Dear sister in Chrit~
I am sorry that this happened to you. My husband is also a pastor and I truly believe your pain, for I have seen it too many times in nearby churches.
I feel sad that I am placing my children into this fishbowl and sometimes just want to take them all and worship as a family at home where all is safe and calm!
I have been known to sneak out to a neighborign town and woship undetected at a church there. It’s very refreshing to worship without all the wonderings of what is going on around you… but to just focus on Christ and HIS word with a body of believers.
May God continue to bless your heart with grace and mercy and continue to shine forth with joy for those that are placed into your path.
Prayers have been sent and I will continue to keep you in my payers. Blessings… abundant blessings.
LITTLE ROCK-
I am 26, divorced, with two amazing kids. My life resembles your life in so many ways, however, I have always been a cutter. When I say always, I mean, I started when I was 9. Although I have not taken part of this coping mechanism in two and a half years, it is something that I sometimes struggle with. Drugs, alcohol and cutting were always my escape and when I became a christian, He took most all of those desires away, but when stress rises or something bad is going on in my life, that is the first thing the devil tries to place in my head. Recently, I have had some experiences that have made me want to revert to old habits and coping skills, however, HE is way bigger than that and I know he can comfort me and show me healthy ways of coping. He has not brought me this far for me to fall back into Satan’s hands now, I must continue to fight, not only for Him, but for myself and my kids as well. Mark 5 is God’s chapter for me and an amazing God story of how he revealed this chapter to me. Read it sometime and pay close attention to the wording. It is truly amazing!!
Thank you Beth, for being such an inspiration to me. I do not know you from Eve, but I feel as though I do and would LOVE to have the opportunity to meet you one day!!
Love your SISTA!!!!
Heather
Dear Heather,
God truly is your healer 🙂 mine too! I had my own physical addiction but with food (bulimia) from the time I was 13 until I was 26 but God did heal me and save me from it, and from the nightmares that brought it on. In time, those urges that Satan sends your way, will lesson (although he never gives up) as you keep looking to Jesus minute by minute -don’t even worry about tomorrow because God is already there waiting for you and will get you through~ You are so loved!! He truly IS our strength 🙂 Hugs,
Sandy
Relationship: My closest and dearest friend and Christian sister since Jr High, has always been there for me, and I for her, through thick and thin. We both grew up in very legalistic churches and had our own smattering of childhood issues to deal with. We’ve been friends for over 25 years now, but there was a time in early adulthood (praise God we only have to go through that phase once!!) when I believed in God but didn’t realize His love was not earned -He was still the God I would never be able or worthy to please, despite the hundreds of tear filled nights begging Him to save me from Hell. Oh the joy & peace now that I have and am teaching our young children! But at that time, I had rationalized such horrible sins by thinking “since I had already messed up once with this and this, what does it matter?” She finally couldn’t bear any longer to hear the rationalizing and had to pull back, and that took such courage and love. She had the grace and strength to say ‘enough’ and that showed such true friendship. Shortly afterward, I begged God to help me because my way was impossible, and He did in such a miraculous way through her and others, especially my husband now of 15 years who also showed me His unconditional love! He restored so much to me and beyond measure!! Christ made our friendship stronger and more real, with Him present and included in so many life discussions since. He opened doors to both of our hearts in understanding that He is forgiveness & LOVE in all Perfection.
LITTLE ROCK! I just turned 32, a native of North Little Rock, traveling 438 miles for this blessed event with two fellow sojourners and so stinkin’ excited!!!! Married almost 10 years with two little boys. My deepest concerns right now are for the body of Christ in a collective sense( myself included!), and struggling with being a Christ-like, effective, loving and patient mom for my boys. I’ve bought into the lie for too long that simply surviving is somehow living victoriously. Christ came so that i may have life and have it abundantly. Prayerfully waiting for my next step with my faithful Father…
Relationship: I have a long time relationship with a woman who became housebound a few years ago. She is very popular and never at a loss for companionship, hosting all kinds of events in her home. The growing problem became gossip. Several times I asked her not to tell me things but I felt ignored. I really got upset at an event when she told some tragic bits and thought them funny. I tried to correct her kindly, was laughed at and I left. It was hard, but I went back and told her that the gossip was a serious problem for me and that I couldn’t visit anymore. We talked twice since then but she seemed to excuse it all because she was talking about church friends. I’ve been invited to an upcoming event, but I won’t be going. It is sad.
Jennifer, Fayetteville Arkansas, 39 years old, married
Forgiveness
I struggle every day with forgiveness. Forgiveness in everything. I was sexually abused for a year and a half. I struggle to forgive that man. I tell myself every day that God loves that man just as much as He loves me. That is so hard for me to digest. I struggle to forgive my mother for not seeing it. I know that she did not “allow” it, and I love my mother, but for some reason, I still have such a hard time feeling like she did not protect me. I struggle in forgiveness of family members who hurt me with their words and actions. I struggle being able to forgive my husband for his past actions. Sometimes, I think I will never be able to forgive my father for his selfish ways. The hardest one of all, the one I struggle with the most to forgive, is myself. Every day, I have to remind myself that God loves me. He forgives me. It’s hard to believe. But I wake up, and I just tell myself again. And I look at the verse laying next to my bed, Ephesians 41:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” And I replace the word “you” with my name, “Jennifer”. God is amazing. He loves me. I’m not worthy. One day, I’ll truly understand that.
Relationship
This happened to me once in my previous church. I had been serving on a ministry team and the leader of the team and I became accountability partners. She was like a mom to me at the time I thought but now looking back I realize that I had a savior complex with her. She ended the friendship and proceeded to treat me as I’d we’d never met. I felt like I was contaminated. Horrible guilt, pain, and rejection were feelings that I struggled with. To be honest, I live in fear of falling into that pit of idolatry again. So much so that I try to control how deep I go in friendships now. Not trusting myself to share the deep parts of my heart with others. God is teaching me to go to Him alone.
Relationship: I had a close relationship with a woman who was a real encouragement to me as a new mother and as a christian woman. I also had a relationship with her daughter, who has in high school, as a mentor (through our church). The daughter told me that she had been cutting herself in her sorrow over a relationship. Against her wishes, I sat down with her parents and told them. I didn’t offer any blame, just the facts and my concern that the daughter might hurt herself. I also suggested that the daughter see a good christian counselor to help her sort things out. I was abruptly cut off from my friend, who didn’t speak to me again even though we were in the same church. This was a very sad season indeed – for all of us. Years later, after we had left that church, she sent me a note apologizing for the way she had handled the whole thing. I wrote back and let her know that I accepted her apology. However, we really haven’t even spoken since.
Relationship: A friend who became like my big sister. Over the last four years, I have noticed that when I had something major go wrong in my life, she would end our friendship. The first time, it was when my dad had a stroke, and after a few weeks, we became friends again. Then three years ago when she quit the job we both worked at, she ended our friendship without ever explaining why. I prayed over her for months, and one night, God told me that she would come back into my life. On Christmas Day, 2009, she called me out of the blue, and we talked. She never has explained or apologized for what happened. In August, 2010, I was raped. She was great for the first week, and then she kind of disappeared again. A month ago, she moved with her boyfriend out of state, and I’m still trying to figure out if she will do her part to maintain our friendship. She says that she will, but her words have never matched to her actions. She is still in my life, and I just forgave her in my heart a week and a half ago. Now, I have put her in God’s hands, and will trust Him with our friendship. I am open to letting her go or continuing to fight for the friendship. My feeling is that she really has never seen Jesus’ love, so I want to continue to show her the love that can only come from the Father. I am willing to die if it means that she will come fully to Jesus.
Little Rock: My name is Brenda, I am married and in my fifties. My biggest challenge now is being patient with my recently married son. I want grandchildren!!!! Is this selfish?
So looking forward to having you back home in Arkansas.
Relationship:
I attend a very liberal church. I feel like a missionary. Before I really knew how unbelieving they are I got the call from God to pray on a certain day at a certain time at the church and to invite the other people to pray with me. The proposal was soundly rejected. ‘We Don’t Pray’ was the answer. Four wonderful women joined me in prayer that day but things got really bad and eventually they all left the church. I begged God, please believe me, I BEGGED Him to let me leave too. But He said, ‘You stay, you pray’. I have prayed now 10 years and God has done AMAZING things there. He has confirmed how He loves them. But the four lovely women never spoke to me again, despite phone calls etc. They were very bitter.
Little Rock
18-college student; single
My biggest challenge at this point in my life is that I have so much stress with college: tests, finals, oh so many papers. I am always stressed now, I never really find the time to get back into God’s Word on a daily basis.
Relationships. My 36 yr old daughter just decided one day that I was not a good Nana, so now she will not talk to me at all & will not let me see the girls or talk to them even at family functions. They are 17, 15, 11&9. this has been going on for 2 1/2 years I miss them all so much and I am living in Hell on earth. My heart is broken, she blocked all phone ,e mail & texting. I cling to God thru your Bible studies, but I do not know how much longer I can hang on. My husband is having an andgiogram & I’m all alone w/out any of my family to support me. I keep thinking “God Alone”, He has not rejected me. Bobbie in Texas.
I’m so sorry, Bobbie. Four years ago, at the time of my son’s death, both of my daughters made the same decision as your daughter has. I know that God’s will is being done in our lives, although we don’t understand why. What has helped me is to go on with my life and focus on the needs of others. I am praying that you will feel God’s love and his peace that passes all understanding.
A fellow sister in Christ became overly critical of the teaching staff and fellow Christians of our children’s school. Her voice became so loud, that I began to blindly believe what she said and took her word for granted. Then slowly she became to make comments to me about my teaching abilities that hit to the core of my insecurity. I realized that it was her selfishness and jealously that I could not be a part of. This was hard because we are a part of a small circle of friends that do much together. She purposefully forwarded personal emails to others and to this day she sees nothing that she has donwn was wrong. I’m ashamed that I listend and participated in the listening and believing of gossip and went and apologized to each person on our staff.
RELATIONSHIP.
All I want to say is we are in a situation right now that could go either way. I pray God has victory in this.
RELATIONSHIP: My first ever set of Christian girlfriends came at a time when I was a brand new mother, and just crying in gratitude over this wonderful group of women who supported each other in prayer, baby raising, and Bible Studies! We were a close knit group for 5 strong years from 2003-2008, and then school age started and we’ve drifted. One of the women has a daughter who is best friends with my daughter, and she’s in leadership at our church, so our lives are intertwined. But something dreadful happened almost three years ago and I still can’t even articulate what. At first, I reached out several times and found only a wall. Now, we can’t seem to get over ourselves and have a heart to heart, and so mine is breaking. I know her as well as I know anyone, and I love her unconditionally. But I don’t trust her anymore, and I feel utterly rejected by her facade of friendliness. I’m TRYING to be obedient in forgiveness, but my hurt resurfaces from time to time. HE IS ALL I HAVE, HE IS ALL I WANT and HE IS ALL I NEED.
Relationship:
I was so excited to work in a secular place with another believer. I was so sad to discover a different language she uses in the a different circle of people, the choices she makes and comments she makes about other people. I was nearly sick to my stomach because I saw 2 different people at work and at church. Needless to say, we disagreed on many things at the job place, she was coniving and lying. The friendship was no longer there and no mending took place. I had to walk away. HOWEVER! Few unbelievers at the same work place saw the way she treated me and others and told me “They saw how God eventually answered my prayers to be released from this relationship”. sad story.
Little Rock – Dawn, 40, Married 16 years next week. I Have 2 bonus children, 1 teenage son, and 2 bonus grandchildren. I am traveling with two siesta’s all the way from Lafayette, Louisiana and I cannot wait. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning!
I am struggling with my son and have been for along time. He lies to us, he has been in trouble at school and generally just been rebellious for along time. I am participating in the scripture memory this year and God has been so faithful to give me verses that meet me right where I am at that day. My favorite one is Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
I know God is faithful and that he will make a way for us to get through to my son. Looking forward to hearing what God wants to tell us this weekend. Will be praying for you tomorrow on our drive up. It will be 7 hours of prayer, fellowship, and just a great girl’s weekend.
Thank you for being a vessel.
Struggling with not being able to have a baby. I have tried so hard to push those feelings down so often so I don’t have to deal with it. However, I know that God wants me to actually “deal” with those emotions. I can’t just keep pushing it down hoping those feelings of abandonment, rejection, etc. will just go away. God calls us to deal with our stuff. However, it’s just so hard when it hurts so bad. Maybe if I just ignore it…I don’t have to feel the hurt? I know that’s not healthy, and not what God wants. It’s just so hard sometimes!
Little Rock Oops…Struggling with not being able to have a baby. I have tried so hard to push those feelings down so often so I don’t have to deal with it. However, I know that God wants me to actually “deal” with those emotions. I can’t just keep pushing it down hoping those feelings of abandonment, rejection, etc. will just go away. God calls us to deal with our stuff. However, it’s just so hard when it hurts so bad. Maybe if I just ignore it…I don’t have to feel the hurt? I know that’s not healthy, and not what God wants. It’s just so hard sometimes!
Relationship:
A couple of years ago, I made the decision to worship with a different denomination than the one I was raised in. Aside from my parents, the person that has taken this the hardest is one of my childhood spiritual mentors. We still get together when I am in town but each time she questions not only the teachings of the body I worship with but my salvation as well. It’s heartbreaking but I’m determined to keep an open relationship intact, no matter how frustrating and/or hurtful it can be at times. I go in with Christ as the protector of my heart and He has been faithful to teach me about health boundaries – especially in this relationship. She is no longer one of my mentors but I continue to be thankful for the role she has played in laying a spiritual foundation for me.
RELATIONSHIP
I had a good friend in Christ betray mt confidence. I confided in her about some anger issues my husband was going through and how it was effecting me. He was being extremely jealous at the time, in a very unhealthy way, and made some comments about my new Christian friends including her. I told her what he said not thinking too much about it. She was offended, called me a couple days later and said she would confront him. I begged her not too but she did anyhow. I was so hurt but I did something I had never done before…I took it to the LORD! I cried, wept and shouted out loud. I left it at his feet and asked him to give me forgiveness and love for my sister. I did not feel lead to get ‘closure’. I was to forgive and let it go and love her. I was cautious for a while about what I spoke about, but I have healed and love her to this day.I needed to learn some things and I let HIM teach me, and he did. AMEN!