Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Relationships
I am not even sure I can see the keyboard to type. I have had 3 special friends, we were a group of 4 for 15 years, just drop me…
Months ago my husband had a very serious medical problem and they disappeared. When I could not do everything, go everywhere, I was no longer needed, no longer called and they act if I never existed. These are “the church group” , not friends from the world. Actually the world friends are the people that have reached out the most. I can never remember being more hurt and more broken in all my life. I keep thinking there will be a day I can smile again, but most days I just want to pull the covers up and cry. I have reached out….nothing. I had bought tickets months ago for us for Little Rock. All are no longer interested in going.
G’ if I could reach through cyberspace and give you a long pat you on the back, wipe away your tears hug I would. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and imagine it. I love you dearly sister and will pray that when you go to Little Rock with the ticket you bought, as you must go. A Siesta will be your new friend in Christ who will wrap her arms around you and give you a long hug and God will fill you up with His love through her. If I were going I would exchange emails and we would meet up.
Relationship
As recent as this morning I sent out a text message telling my friend how much I love them… My number may be blocked, but I keep sending texts, just in case. We have been doing life together for a long time, the good, the bad and right now the UGLY. I’ve not gotten a response in weeks. Sometimes no matter how much love you wrap it in the truth is not received. My heart is breaking but I’m running to my Jesus and telling Him. He is enough for me, but it still hurts, I hurt cause I know my friend is hurting, the worst part is it’s a self inflicted wound that only God can heal… Choices they made have divided a church, families and nearly half the town. So many people were hurt and have become angry but when you love someone you don’t just throw them away when it gets hard, you dig in and hang on! That’s what I’m doing, I’m hanging on till God tells me to let go and until He does I’m gonna pray for my friend and root them on!! If I never see them again here on earth it will hurt, but Heaven is forever and I know I will see them there!
Relationship:
My story is a little different than most of the ones I’ve read here…hope it’s still what you’re looking for. I experienced separation from a boss (in a Christian ministry). The team I was working on was growing increasingly frustrated with some things that were going on. In attempt to avoid whining/gossiping about them without taking steps to improve the situation, I asked to meet with my boss. I told him some of my concerns (tried to keep it about my issues…not the whole group). He told me I wasn’t spending enough time in the Word–that if I were then these things wouldn’t be happening. He kept asking me to be supportive, but I coudln’t committ to fully supporting him because of the concerns that I shared. Later his wife came to defend her husband, but what she had heard was not what I thought had been said. I know that I could have said things differently and have tried to put myself in my boss’s shoes. I know he was probably hurt. But I still feel like I was misunderstood and rather than confronting me about it or asking questions I feel like he relayed the mis-information to others (more than just his wife), and evaluated me according to that one incident, not the whole of the work that I did. Pride on both sides. I was trying to do the right thing, but ended up crushed by how it all ended. As far as reconciliation, I don’t work there anymore, so I rarely see this person. When I do, I still feel awkward and insecure, but I truly wish the best for him and his family. Years have gone by, and I think I am just now coming to a place where I think I may write him a note asking for his forgivness for any way I may have hurt him (without trying to explain myself again…or ranting about how he hurt me).
Relationship. She had a sense of flirtatious innocence & “neediness” that seems to draw attention from men even today. There began to be calls and hidden meetings that were not honorable – and her reaction to me was “if you want him to stop then tell HIM!” I told her she was like a female dog in heat(sorry for bluntness!). May our Lord help women to see their needs for attention point in an honorable direction.
Relationship
I have recently had a break in a relationship w/a female that was once a “spiritual leader” in my life, as well as friend(my viewpoint),family member, and “colleague” of sorts. Our lives were very much intertwined, from the number of children we had, vocations of our husbands, viewpoints on child rearing, things like that. Over time, this individual distanced herself from me, and I found myself walking away from encounters with her feeling very put down, very “put in my place”, and belittled by things said(even to the point of making fun of my hobbies, choice of schooling curriculum for my children, etc). I can be extremely naive at times, and it took my husband pointing out to me what was going on for me to see it. As time went on, I found myself and my family being “conveniently” left out of things involving her as the planner, or “leader”. I did confront, and was met with denial of anything being wrong on her end. After confrontation, she would bring me in a little closer, out of guilt, I suppose, only to push me away again in a cycle of sorts. I tried really hard to search my soul, trying to find my wrongdoing, even admitting to her things that I’m not even sure I was guilty of, looking back on it. I constantly found myself saying sorry for things that I feared had caused this treatment. I wanted to be loved,treated with dignity, and brought in under her wing(as she was a few years older than me, and her husband was a “boss” to my husband in ministry). She kept me at arm’s length, very elusive about her life, the walls were thick, and I could never penetrate.
Now my husband and I have moved on in ministry. She has tried, out of duty, to remember my children’s birthdays, check on me after a car accident,etc. But her kindness has always been what is convenient. And most of the time texting is the only communication she has consistently done to contact me. I have been polite, but have accepted these walls, and have moved on in my heart as well, realizing that for some reason, God has allowed this to be what it is. And in some sense, I’ve allowed my own walls to go up as well. A lot of details have been left out, pls. understand this.
Relationship –
I had a best, best friend for about a year and a half. In that year and a half she helped me climb out of a pit and run back to Christ, and I helped her leave a life of religious works and pursue a real relationship with Jesus. We were definitely spuring eachother on to love and good works, growing together in our individual walks with God. Very clearly God put us together to help each other with our growth at that time. We both came from similar backgrounds and had similar addictions and struggles with eating disorders in our early 20’s. We really *got* each other… she was outgoing and spontaneous to my methodical introversion. I loved hanging out with her. 🙂
And I don’t really know why, but our friendship at that level just totally stopped about the time she and I both got back on solid footing with our Savior. We are still friends, but we are not connected like we were – we are not inseparable like we were. We don’t rely on each other like we did. We learned to rely on Christ. Graciously God did not allow us to idolize each other, but used our friendship to draw us individually into close relationship with Him.
Relationship:
Ironically I was just thinking about this person earlier today. It was my roommate at Bible College. We became the best of friends during that time and were quite instrumental in each other’s growth in the Lord. We were sisters down to the bone. Out of a moment of weakness, she became pregnant and was kicked out of school because someone betrayed her by telling those in authority. I never told a soul – but to this day she still thinks it was me. Over twenty tears later she still holds to this belief and is still very bitter toward me…What can I do but pray for her..this sister will never stop.
Relationship:
I had a friend whom I loved, but we were still finding out about each other. She was fun and a bit quirky, but I was not letting ‘odd’ things keep us apart. I chose to overlook some things others commented about her and probably judged her on.
We went to church together, and Bible Study together and the friendship seemed to be blossoming.
Then out of “my blue” she no longer spoke to me, nor had anything to do with me. I asked her what was wrong, but she would just up and walk away. I was hurt and confused. I went to my Bible Study group and asked them, they did not know, but soon it seemed many people knew, but no one wanted to tell me. They thought talking to me would be gossip. So I prayed, I asked for my pastor’s wife to help, she found answers but would not tell me. At one point I believed the whole church of 499 knew and not me.
During 1 Bible Study group at the end, (surprisingly she came), I said “I am sorry, I don’t know what I did and if she needed to speak to me in private she had my phone #”. She stomped out, her husband said I should leave it alone, and not push her.
Well that was over 10 years ago. I have since moved churches, and they had prior to my leaving, I never found out what happened, I did apologize but that doesn’t seem enough. I gave it to God, and He is the finisher of that situation.
Blondie Beth,
Hey just wanted to know that I am leading The Inheritance this summer for our ladies. I just picked up the stuff from the church. Do you think it would be silly to give each lady a cheap crown? And where would I find about 15? Is this crazy? I thought it would be fun! Let me know if you think it is silly! Nancy Minor
Love You Sister!
Nancy
LITTLE ROCK
God is wanting to sow seed in me. Ministry seeds. Big God Sized Dream stuff! And it’s pushing me way out of my comfort zone. I feel like I’m being plowed. Like all the hard places in me are being turned upside down. I know it’s for new growth and new ministry but it’s scary stuff and I’m struggling to trust Him in deeper ways. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. To say “yes” to God and follow Him no matter what it costs me or to say “no” and stay here in my comfort zone. I know the choice I have to make, but I’m shaking in my shoes (which are super cute purple heals, just on case you were wondering)
Relationship.
I met my boyfriend at a family church camp that both of our families had been attending since before we were born. We both lived in a small town and ended up going to the same high school and church. Because I was three years younger than me, I knew of him but he had no clue who I was. It was such a divine intervention by God that we were both at that camp and met the way we did. We dated for three years until I moved and came to college. Throughout those three years our relationship was strong and God was the center. However, when I came to college I fell from God and disrespected my boyfriend in many ways. Spending months apart from each other and continuously turning my back away from the God that truly loves me, I finally was fed up with my wicked ways. I realized that the two people, God and my boyfriend, had been fighting and fighting for me to understand that I am a perfectly beautiful woman in God. My boyfriend and I are now working to fix the problems we have and put God back in the center of our relationship. Let me tell you, if God puts a man who you know is absolutely perfect for you in your life you do NOT let him go and never turn away from the God who taught you how to love because if He is gone from your life, NO relationship will ever work.
I’m sad to say I can answer yes to the 1st question….
Long story short….We(my husband & I)met another couple while doing juvenile prison ministry. We had an immediate connection. We lived in different states but cont. to build a friendship even outside the wkend ministry times @ the prison. They eventually moved to our area/state and the plan was to start a ministry or church. Our kids were friends…wives-friends, husbands-friends. We started the church(under the covering of a denomination)…everyone was volunteering and working full-time jobs. I would say 9months into the ministry things started getting hard and dissatifactions not fully addressed. Add to that personal issues w/families…I would say led to a break in the friendship and eventualy the closing of the church.
At first, no we didn’t part friends….I was crushed, they left us w/ only an announcement @ church (right after Easter). They were leaving to attend another church in the area. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, but it felt like we had a divorce. I could not talk w/ this family….I took it hard. I prayed for my husband, Phil. 1:9,10…he really handled the closure. There was no apology…just desertion. I felt for my kids, esp. my daughter. I wrote a letter that summer, as more of a closure for me. At Christmas I sent a card with the letter to my dear friend…I realized that surely we had done something that had caused their dissatisfaction and so I apologized as well as all but ask for an explaination. They immediately called and asked to get together…..and thus ensued my 1st panic attack (b/c I didn’t tell my husband I was sending the letter)….my husband met w/ the husband…there were apologizes and acceptance that the departure should have occurred differently. I would say we are ok…but not friends.
The amazing thing is that both of our families are in much better places. A local pastor that reached out to my husband has become a best friend he hasn’t had in 14yrs….we are serving in his church. My daughter has her own friends that she made there…not just b/c they were our friends. The other family is serving in a different church than the one they left us for. She is actually the childrens pastor. My husband went to her ordination last summer. I would love to know where you go w/ this info Beth! 🙂
Little Rock: Married – 50. My biggest challenge is to let go of a lifestyle, that if I do not let go of and change, will take my life. It is of poor eating habits, diets that I cannot stick to, much prayer, crying, and embarassment. I have seen God work out amazing things in my life and the lives of those around me. I believe it is my own lack of obedience to make the changes needed in my life. So why will I not let go of the very thing that will take my own life or make me so unhealthy that I will suffer much before I even die?
RELATIONSHIP:
Hi Ladies,
My break has been a recent loss with a church. Major doctrinal differences came up and I felt called to go to a different church. I went in to talk to my pastor whom I always found to be insightful and thoughtful. He was kind as he told me that even though the national denominational church was changing our congregation was going to remain the same and shouldn’t I reconsider? I still left. Even though there was no real painful -full -on- drama- about this, it has still been a break and a painful separation. I miss those ladies I loved! I miss the fellowship, the worship together. I still see a few of them and still love them, I just had to obey.
Relationship – Since childhood “Jenny” and I have been the best of friends. We grew up together, went to vacation Bible school together, memorized Scripture, lead Young Life, even attended your Tuesday night Biblestudies together. Then her mom passed away somewhat unexpectedly. I’ve watched sadly as Satan has fed her first bitterness and then delussion. I’ve been devestated to see her pursue witchcraft and other things that are so far from the Lord’s will for her. Several friends have prayed for, encouraged & admonished her over the years, but to no avail. She is so lost in darkness. No words can express the depths of loss that I have felt. Though we do not have a relationship right now, I continue to pray for her healing and for God’s redemptive story to be worked out in her.
Relationship:
Out here in the middle of nowhere, neighbors are as far as 12 miles away and friends more like 25 miles away. That they are precious commodities is an understatement, so the break in this friendship has been tough. She is (was) without a doubt a gift from God. We went through having our first babies together and she was there each step of the way in my breast cancer diagnosis, surprise pregnancy and treatment. She was one of those kinds of friends you called when you didn’t feel like cleaning the toilet and she’d visit with you through the duration. We had a conversation about some areas of forgiveness she had been reticent to work on, and I kind of called her on it as lovingly as I knew how. Then she withdrew and became distant: not answering phone calls, not returning calls, finding reasons not to get together, etc. As it turns out, she has developed several on-line frienships, strangely enough with some extremely committed Christian ladies, through blogs and other social networking devices. We haven’t completely called it quits because our kids are 2 of the 5 in their school, and our lives are pretty well intertwined at this point. It’s been hard, and I’ve tried to address the situation but it still feels really weird. In some ways, I think God is allowing it for some good in my life. I need to get past putting people on the pedastal where God should be. But it’s kind of a lonely painful lesson.
Relationship – When we met, we “clicked” right away and soon were spending a lot of time together. We had similar interests and a love for Bible study and service projects. All of a sudden one day I showed up for a service prject we had signed up for together and she just refused to talk to me or even acknowledge that I was there. That day led to a string of unreturned phone calls and unresponded to emails, until I was finally able to ask her about it one night when we both showed up early for a church event. She said something about life being busy and walked away. Since that day, I’ve seen her only a few times – she switched churches, Bible studies, and found a new group to hang out with. I miss her as a friend, because I don’t make friends easily and there were a lot of good times with her.
Relationship – Yes, I have absolutely experienced this. Years ago, I royally ticked off some people that were pretty dangerous to tick off. They went on full attack mode. They contacted every single person that I knew, from family, to close friends, to mere acquaintances, and told them horrible, horrible things about me, detailing this “life” that I lived that was not accurate. At the time I was rich in friends, 95% of them being believers. After all of that happened? Besides my immediate family, I had two, count them TWO people stand by me. I reached out to my pastor, but they had gotten to him first, and he wouldn’t even receive my phone calls. I saw him months later in passing, and he turned and walked the other way. My Christian counselor, whom I’d had a close relationship with for years was won over to their side too, and she practically threw me out into the cold.
None of those relationship have been mended. But one has, oddly enough. The person who attacked me, who started the whole thing. God has done a MAJOR work in their life and in my heart, and we are honestly the best of friends. I could never imagine that God would build a relationship like He has with this one – only our God could pull this off!! We have completely mended our relationship and allowed God to heal both of our broken hearts, and He has brought us together in a way that I never would have dreamed!
Little Rock
Melissa, age 29……here goes……
Back in June of 2010 my husband and I began praying that God would use us to shine for Him and that we could be a shining example to our family and friends who had strayed from God. Little did we know how and when God would choose to use us.
At the time, we had two precious daughters. Leightyn (Layton) was 4 and Mylea (Miley) was 2. The beginning of July Leightyn turned 5 and was so excited about starting school. SHe began to have a few headaches here and there. No pattern or reason for concern. We talked to the Dr and were told that it was just anxiety about school. We had her eyes tested to make sure that her eyes weren’t causing the headaches.
On August 6, 2010, I found Leightyn in bed unconscious. I immediately called 911 and she was sent to the local hospital in Ft. Smith. At the hospital, a ct scan showed that there was a mass on her brain stem. We were told that she would have to be air lifted to Children’s immediately. At children’s hospital, a mri showed that a tumor in her brain had somehow shifted and blocked the passage for oxygen to go to the brain. We were told that there was nothing that could be done and that our sweet baby was brain dead. We prayed and begged God for a miracle to be done in the next 24 hours. We had to have a miracle!!! Leightyn never got her healing on earth. She went to meet her Jesus on August 7, 2010.
So, one day our baby is perfectly healthy and them we find out that she has a brain tumor after it is to late to do anything about it. The Drs. believe that the tumor had only been there for about 3 weeks. But, I am so thankful that she was healthy up until her last breath. I look at parents who have kids fighting cancer and I think “how do they do it”? We were told that if we would have known about the tumor, there was no treatment or surgery that would have saved her. Praise God that Leightyn got to live life everyday and we didn’t have to fight a battle and have the same outcome. God was looking after us!
When we prayed that God would use us, we never imagined that it would require us to give our princess back to God. We never thought we would be one of those parents. At Leightyn’s funeral, at least 25 people raised their hands to receive Christ. Our baby did that! Her life impacted people in a way that we could not. God used our Leightyn in a mighty way. To this day, we are still getting emails from strangers telling us how Leightyn changed them. We are hearing about salvations, families getting back together, parents spending more time with their children. These emails and stories are keeping Leightyn’s Lifesong going. Makes me one proud momma.
We found out in January that we were expecting. We couldn’t have been more happier. Finally, a rainbow after our storm. Well, in March we miscarried. Here we go again….another storm. But you know what, Leightyn has a sibling in Heaven. A sibling that I will one day meet. I know Leightyn couldn’t be any happier with her baby.
SO, you asked for a response about what we are going through. Honestly, I wonder “Why…why did we have to loose Leightyn, why us, why didn’t we get our miracle?”. There are days that I feel abandoned. We have family members who expect us to already be over our loss and move on. We have family members who are taking advantage of Leightyn’s death to benefit them. We have friends who we hung out with once a week, we hardly see them. We have neighbors who avoid us because they don’t know what to say. Why did God give us this storm that seems never ending? Why did we have to loose our daughter….and friends?
I know God has a plan. I know that I have to look at the bigger picture. I am amazed at how Leightyn’s story has gotten around and the impact she has made, but it doesn’t make trips to the cemetery any easier. But, we will keep praising God in this storm. We have made to choice to praise Him from the beginning and we aren’t going to stop praising Him now. He’s the same as He was when Leightyn was here. Our life does stink some days, but this is the life that God has willed for me and my family. And we are going to accept His will and do with it as He wants us to. We love getting to share her story and we love hearing about the impact!!!!!
Oh, Melissa. I am so, so deeply sorry. How unimaginably painful. This I know. Your Savior loves you, knows you, planned for you, and wants to remind you how precious you are to Him. I am humbled to serve someone who is so determined to praise her faithful God through such storms. You are loved and appreciated here, Melissa. How I pray God will speak a fresh word to you.
Melissa, I am so sorry. Praying you will ministered to even on this day, by God’s people.
You are loved.
Melana
LITTLE ROCK- Hi Beth, my name is Jennifer. I am in my late 20’s. I am a stay at home mom to three sweet girls, ages 5,3,and 1. Needless to say I am busy! 🙂 I think my biggest struggle right now is just keeping my head above water as I juggle the different areas of my life. In many ways I feel isolated in this season of my life although I have a strong marriage and am involved in my church leadership. I feel like the Lord is wanting to pull back some layers of buried hurt in my heart and free me from people pleasing, perfectionism and so much fear of rejection… I am so looking forward to joining my mom and sister this weekend. I am praying for the Lord to do some healing in our lives. It will be my first night away from our 14 month old too. Praying that goes good! 🙂
Relationship- A friend and I attended the same church for thirteen years. We raised our kids together. We prayed together. We cried together. We laughed together. We ate together. We went camping together. We were like family. Then in a span of four months and for different reasons both our families left that particular church and my friend’s family moved out of state. We still corresponded and visited and loved each other. Then the deacons at our old church kicked out their pastor. They could not (would not!)give him a reason why. Two of my grown children were still going to the church. They left the church with the pastor because he was a godly man and no one ever gave a “reason” he should have been dismissed. My good friend sided with the deacons. She told me that I “didn’t know all the facts”.This didn’t totally break our friendship…I don’t think anything ever can…but it sure did put it in the deep freeze. I want to get our old friendship back but it’s just never been the same. And by the way…neither has our old church. I have not been in services there but many who I respect and have gone to visit say the Spirit is not present anymore. So sad!
Little Rock 29 Married and I have 2 year old girl
The season of motherhood and finding God in the everyday things. Being intentional with studing His word and poring it into my children!
Relationship- The thing is, relationships with Christians, or people who claim to be Christians, can be even more messy than relationships with individuals who don’t know God. After years of good, godly counseling, I finally had the courage to end the dysfunctional relationships with every single one of my 8 siblings and both of my parents- all who say they are Christians. For years, I have suffered either mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical abuse by each one of them. As hard as it was for me to accept that I am not loved by my family and never will be, I now know that God does not want me to subject myself to constant abuse. As a Christian, I knew something was not right with my family, but for years I stayed in the dysfunction. I thought forgiveness meant ignoring the abuse and inviting people back to abuse me, over and over again. That is not love, and that is not what Christians do. My older sister, a professing Christian and who even has a masters degree in divinty- and is very close friends with an internationally-known Bible scholar, has been one of the most abusive siblings to me in my lifetime. I had to say goodbye to our relationship as it was and leave her in God’s hands. I left all of them in God’s hands. I am on my way to living freedom in Christ.
Relationship ~
Amazing how the pain comes simmering back up a bit…life for the last 16 years has left me without a mother figure in my life. I have often prayed for a godly older woman to be a mentor to me. I met a gal through our church who seemed to be that answer. We could talk for 4 hours straight of the things of life and of our walk with the Lord. She had much wisdom and insight and I was so thankful for her. We scheduled to attend a LPL event together out of town. For the first time in my life I was scheduled to be the speaker at our womens retreat that year also. At the LPL event God did a healing work in my life by exposing some pain of abuse and this woman prayed over me as I wept in our room that night. I knew the Lord had wanted to heal me before I spoke the following weekend at the retreat. She and I talked the whole way home from the LPL without pause. She dropped me off and walked out of my life and I have not a clue why…..
RELATIONSHIP
Yes. She was my very best friend in the whole world. Mutual friends and ministry partners who had served with us separately had told us we were ‘two peas in a pod’ over the course of 5 years, without we two having ever met. Upon meeting, we were almost intimidated by the other. What developed was the funnest, sweetest, iron-sharpening iron, God-blessed friendship I’d ever had. We had so many similiarities it was comical. But our differences made the other better. We could be 100% honest with one another, above all others. When her husband on the day of their wedding intro’d me to his parents, he intro’d me as “________’s soulmate. She’s not just her best friend, they have a special bond” he said. We were there for the birth of each other’s first babies. But after a series of discussions about a couple docrinal differences, she cut me out. Sent me an email, and refused to seek reconciliation for years. 6 years in fact. It felt like a bigger betrayal than my ex-husband’s infidelity many years prior. I didn’t understand how it could be Godly, I didn’t see God in it all. In the last 16 months we have re-established our relationship. It is not what it was, but in some ways, it’s healthier. In fact, two of your Siesta Scholarship Fund tickets sent she and I to the Tacoma LPL Speaking engagment you had in March. It was such a sweet, redeemed time for us. To experience hearing a WORD from the Lord, through your anointed delivery… we laughed, we cried, it was precious.precious.time. It was the first really ‘deep’ thing we’ve done since dipping our feet back in the waters of trust and relationship. (Again, singing the praises of that scholarship fund. You guys have no idea the lives it touches and changes for the better.) Love you mama beth! xo
Relationship – My husband and I have made several major moves in our life together and along the way I’ve lost some friendships I valued. Situations that don’t seem that major when you see each other all the time aren’t as easily resolved from a distance. It grieves me..
A couple of other issues that have been hard on a friendship 1.)when your children have disagreements or there’s competiion between the two of you over your kids.
2. When there’s a change in financial status of one of you or you and your friend are at different levels of income/life style.
Relationship
Apparently you can be in a relationship with someone but they are not in a relationship with you. I received a communication from a “friend” who poured out all kinds of pent up hurt, anger, bitterness and hatred for years. I had no idea she felt this way. Some of the hurts she recieved at my hands were things that had happened many, many years ago. It was horrifying to see a list of my sins spelled out and listed. She asked for forgiveness, I gave it, and that would be the end of that.
Relationship- My painful breakage came with one of my closet friends. This friend went to church with me. We were both young people ourselves and we had just started to work with the youth at our church. It was just one of those relationships that you knew God was all around. Over time small things just begin to pop up and eventually the relationship became such a strain. I knew in my heart that it was nothing more than Satan trying to break a strong alliance for God up. We had our share of issues for a while, but praise God he mended our relationship! I firmly believe that Jesus creates bonds with other believers that may be tested but never broken!!
Little Rock-
I am 24-years-old, will be 25 in May, and single. I am the full time Missions Associate at my church, in charge of all of the logistics for our US and international mission projects. I am also finishing up my Master’s in Counseling…full time. Needless to say, life is crazily busy right now! Our church is going through a lot of changes now and in the near future, which makes everyone a little stressed, even when they are much needed and good changes. My hearts passion is to disciple young women, which is wonderful but also painful at times. I hate seeing where my girls are and where they need to be, but not see them willing to take the next steps to get there. My heart throbs for them to know my precious creator the way I do. My fear is that they will have to go to the bottom of the pit like I did to finally take time to see Him. Saying all of that, one of my biggest struggles right now is simply balancing it all, and consistently giving it back to God. I have no doubt that God is in control, but my woman side tends to think I need to control some, or all, of it. I don’t have a clue why God keeps me around when I keep trying to push my way into controlling my life, or the lives of those I love, but I am sure thankful He does!
My mom and sister-in-law will both be with me this weekend also. We are all in full time ministry, and we gather together each year at one of your conferences to be refreshed and refilled as we step back into our places of service. Thank you so much for allowing the Lord to use you to be a place where we can come, as tired and weary as we are, and receive a direct word from the Lord. You are being covered in much prayer from the three of us as you prepare for this weekend! We can’t wait!
My best friend from church & school from age 8 – became my college roommate. We enjoyed cooking family meals to share with friends, attending church & Bible Study together, etc. Things were great until I started dating a guy that she did not think was the Christian mate that God had picked out for me. I would come home from a date to scripture verses written in lipstick on my mirror, and she even resorted to conferring with my parents and our Pastor about my “inappropriate” relationship. The situation became so hostile that I moved out and 9 months later married this guy without my best friend even attending the wedding (we’ve been married 32 years!). Two years ago I received a Facebook friend request from my old roommate – an hour later we were on the phone asking for forgiveness from each other and talking as if 30 years had not passed. Over the years we had both continued praying for each other even though we had no contact or info. about each other at all. A few months later I flew home to visit with my Mom & emjoyed many coffee breaks with my old friend – and while I was out of State she would go to visit my Mom. We have both matured and gone through many things in life without each other – but have been there to pray and support each other continually for the last 2 years. Last year her Christian husband walked out on her & I was the first person she called. And early this year when my teenage daughter was going thru some struggles – she was the first person I called for prayer and support. It took 30 years but those ties were stretched but never broke – God brought us both back together at the right time.
RELATIONSHIP
I’ve had a friendship that ended quite unexpectedly, with one of the best girlfriends I’ve ever had. I’m a single gal so I have a good number of sweet, Godly single ladies for friends. One in particular was like a sister from the get-go: she has some intimacy issues that keep her from getting extremely close to people, something I didn’t know until later 😉 The first night I met her, we were at a women’s retreat and I grabbed her hand and held it while she cried her heart out to the Lord. He told me to do it; she and I made fast friends. She said she doesn’t usually care for people to touch her but she knew the Lord must have asked me to do it. Talk about a connection! A couple of years later, she grew distant, not interested in spending time together, etc. – not just with me but with a group of 4-5 of us ladies. All of a sudden one day, she says that she’s pulling back from everything related to this group of friends. Just like that. Almost 3 years later and the situation remains. We all have no idea what happened. She still attends our church but she won’t even make eye contact with me. We miss her terribly.
Relationship: I became friends with this fun, hilarious girl and just loved her to pieces (still do). But now we no longer speak. I felt God’s hand on our friendship from the beginning, though. We had our love for Him in common and had a blast together staying up late talking of Him and boys and just hanging out being crazy Christian college girls. Several people warned me that she seemed to look up to me “too much,” but I didn’t see that as a bad thing since my relationship with the Lord was perhaps stronger than hers. Bottom line: I think becuase of some unhealthy things in her past she never wanted to work thru (at one point, I mentioned therapy might be good for her to consider), and the fact she felt I judged her too much, (I truly before the Lord only ever wanted to love her and tried hard to never make her feel that way) she ended the friendship. Just stopped returning calls, emails, etc. I still miss her and hope the best for her life.
RELATIONSHIP: I had a close relationship with a wonderful daughter of God in college. We were roommates in college for one year, roommates after college for awhile until she was married. I was her maid-of-honor. We were different personalities but were able to identify with each other through past traumas and experiences, and where we were in our relationships with God. I could speak to her on a level that I could not with others — I developed trust in our friendship. God was the light of both our lives. We laughed together, exercised together, and I thought would be life-long close friends.
At one point after her marriage, she desired that I give her more quality time, a commitment of once a week for lunch or get together. I was still single. I said I was not able to give her a specific time each week to meet, but would be willing to meet with her, as we both were able based on our time commitments. We were both working jobs and I had a long travel time. She told me that if I was not willing to commit to her in this way then she thought our relationship had no where to go. It broke my heart more than I can say. We had so much history together. I felt that I was just not enough for her, which was true. She needed more than I was able to give at that time in my life. I met with her, and in honesty, told her I was not able to do what she asked, and that was that. I don’t put blame on her or myself at this point. It took me years to work through it. I have grown to accept this is where we were in our lives at that time in our lives. I miss her today in some respects. I still feel like I would not be able to give her what she needs — there is an imbalance between our healthy intimacy levels and the boundaries God has helped me develop in my life. I will always care for her and respect her and look back at our time together as a very special God-oriented friendship.
It has been 25 years, I have seen her a couple of times, we both have our strong boundaries (or are they still walls?) in place, and we live 20 minutes away from each other, but the rift is like a fault line. It has happened; it has caused a break in the stability I thought we would always have; I would never have imagined it happening (just like an earthquake occurs shaking up your life unexpectedly); but I have learned to live with the consequences. It has never been mended and we both have chosen to let it stand as is.
Oh, yeah. I have a dear friend (and it is only by God’s grace that I can say, “have” in the present tense.) She was making some decisions that I thought were mistakes in her relationship with her husband and I presumed to tell her about it. My theology was correct, but my delivery terrible. I made some assumptions some that were right, but some that were incorrect, and our friendship which was so tight completely closed down for about six months until she sent me a letter telling me how angry she had been and how wrong I was. I swallowed my pride, admitted my mistake and it has taken almost a year, but we are building that friendship back. Sometimes when we are together, I have to marvel at God’s Hand because I thought she would never speak to me again.
Relationship:
My father and I: He raised me up to go to church and to follow God. About 13 years ago, my grandma (his mom) moved from the East coast to Texas so that he could take care of her. After about a year, I found out that he was taking her money out of her bank account (at least $100,000) and had no remorse. My grandma died of a broken heart. It broke my heart as well. I was concerned for his interactions with my own children as well as myself. The trust was gone. I broke ties with my Dad. For 12 years, I prayed that God would put us back together in His timing. I would google his name for information from time to time to see if he was still alive. I never found anything about my Dad. Two years ago, on a Saturday, I felt strongly that God said “IT IS TIME”. I knew he meant time to find my Dad. I had a P.O. Box address and sent a letter to him. I received it back a week later with a address not found, it was not a current address. I thought it was God saying, “It is time for you to try and that is all.” A few days later I woke up in the night with terrible heartburn. I took my Bible and started reading it by the computer. The thought came to me to google my Dad’s name again. On the second page, there was a news article stating that he had been beaten and left for dead. He was in the hospital fighting for his life. I was in shock. It was the same day that I felt God saying “IT is time”. I was able to track down my father and saw him and interacted with him. He had sustained severe brain damage. It was not the same relationship, but I was able to meet up with him before his body succumbed to the injuries a year later. God blessed me with having closure to a horrible situation instead of finding it out years later.
Clarification: The day my Dad was beaten was the same day that I felt God’s command “It is time.” I just didn’t know it at that moment. God orchestrated it all.
Relationship…Covenant friendship.. David/Jonathan… my friends’ sister is going thru a seperation with her husband and her husband happens to be my husband’s best friend….we’re all close and my husband and I are trying to stay neutral but open to all hurting parties. TODAY it became an issue betw. me and my BFF in the Lord. My heart breaks, I know forgiveness is in order on my part and I need to let God take care of the rest and LOVE, love, love, trusting God for the outcome and His will be done in this marriage and in my close God friendship….so much hurt the enemy is hurling at everyone,,,no short order that its an attack on so “many” levels and both families attend the same church…..please say a prayer for us all! May God receive all the glory and give us wisdom and knowledge! Love and prayers to LPM and ur whole family….see you in Charlotte NC in July
A co-pastor of a church, whom I admired very much, started teaching material that did not agree with the Word or what the Pastor taught. I went to my pastor and told him my concerns, my pastor instructed me to point out to him the kinds of things this person taught that bothered me and why. Some of them included non-biblical sources for angels’ names that I knew were sources from what I used to use when I was in the occult. Ultimately this pastor split off from our church taking a number of members with him. It hurt more than just me, and when I ran into that person years later and the pastor told me what he was currently teaching, and it still did not line up with the Word. I chose to never go to this person’s church and I still pray for the person and their family. I keep hoping that there will be eyes opened and a reuniting of churches again.
RELATIONSHIP: A sweet friendship that began as prayer partners ended after several years of friendship because of unmet expectations. The expectations were not from God, but we both still believe that the original relationship was a gift from God for His purposes. I grew tremendously in my faith and in knowledge of myself during this time, and I hope that she did as well. We are still very connected spiritually. We pray for one another, and there is still a great deal of love between us, but there is no day in day out relationship, the kind of sharing that characterizes most friendships. Our only contact is very brief written messages. I still grieve my part in the demise of this relationship, but entrust it all to God and His plan. I accept it as His plan for that season, with the real gift of remaining love. I am so thankful that despite the hurt and the pain, there is no residual bitterness, or anything that would make the enemy happy.
Wow Beth,
This really hit so close to home because I am currently going through this right now. A sister-in-Christ (my closest sister) and I are going through a tough time. I’ve been praying to God daily to help me get over the intense hurt I am feeling. She failed to share something with me that I felt very strongly she should have and she didn’t. I don’t want to go into specific details but it dealt with the potential safety of one of my children. It cut me to my core and made me question our friendship and the implicit trust I had in her. I have forgiven her but I know I will never forget. In one of my Bible studies a woman shared that forgiveness is like an onion sometimes, there are so many layers and it may take a long time for you to get over it. I know God is faithful and works things together for the good of those who love him so I am hanging onto that promise but it is SO HARD!!! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest!
RELATIONSHIP – I was friends with another Christian woman. We both have devoted our lives to the same Christian mission and work together everyday. Sadly, about a year ago she accused me of tampering with her files on a computer. I didn’t do it nor did I know who did. Sadly, there was no way to PROVE I didn’t do it. She is a very wounded person and she couldn’t accept the truth and our relationship has been broken ever since. She rarely speaks to me unless necessary. I have asked the Lord over and over to heal this relationship and I know that I have to wait for his timing. In the meantime, I try to be pleasant and kind to her as much as possible. It is very sad situation.
Relationship ~ someone who had been a mentor to me as a young believer…our church had just experienced a painful split. Through a bizarre series of events, I was taken to task for confessing a particular sin in a small group of women. While my mentor knew I had done no wrong and wanted to support me, she felt doing so would cause further pain to our pastor who had become paranoid because of ongoing repercussions of the split. After my husband and I eventually withdrew our membership from the church, and moved away, my mentor admitted her regret. I continue to reach out to her at holidays and Mother’s day…but our relationship is just not the same.
I should point out that I was not taken to task for the sin, which simply put was laughing at an unkind comment someone made about a believer whom I truly loved and respected. I was actually taken to task for confessing my laughter as sin, which was seen as judgment upon the others in the room.
Relationship –
My dear friend of decades and I have recently had a split in our friendship. We have had several fallings out over the course of our friendship but always have mended things and moved on. This time, however, has proven to be a real parting of ways. Our daughters have also been friends so it has been very painful. I have attempted to mend and repair the friendship but she seems to want to rehash the situation. I do believe that there was a season to our friendship, and although I regret the separation, I believe we now are 2 very different people with very different focuses in life. We are both committed women who love the Lord – and our husbands and families. That is the mutual point. Hard to understand how we can both serve the same God but not be compatible with how we live our lives. I am choosing to just thank the Lord for the friendship and the part it has played in our faith – and I choose to move on to healthier friendships.
LITTLE ROCK
We have a group of 6 family members coming to your event. Then Saturday 3 more members join the 6 of us on a journey that prayerfully will end in Destin, FL. for a full week of fellowship. Ages ranging from 23 to 70, 3 generations. While we love each other desperately, there is some brokenness that goes back to childhood for ALL that are going, serious trust issues from generational sins. Some healing needs to take place soon. We need to get past being judgemental of others in their walk and show the love of Christ to all. We are super pumped to praise God with you and every soul that attends!
Oh, Someone has decided to come at the last minute. Will we be able to purchase an arm band at the event?
I hope I can hugs your scrawny lil neck, if not, I am so thankful to be able to attend. I love ya, siesta 🙂
I am looking for any of Beth Moore’s studies in Boulder Colorado. Are there any that you know of?
Relationship:
I have lost 2 friendships because of a conflict women had with my husband. He was a pastor and these women disagreed with something he did (or didn’t do) and they brought their complaints to the elders of the church. In one position, I feel like I was used. I think they felt like they should have some kind of inside track because of our friendship and gotten special attendtion for their high school student. This one has never really mended.
The second one was seriously fractured and has never gone back to what it was, but we have a speaking relationship. In this second case, my husband supposedly said something in a public place (high school basketball game) that was reported to them and they felt was inappropriate. They were embarassed by it and were very angry. Mind you they did not hear it themselves. I wasn’t there so I don’t really know what happened, but to me it was just too much heresay. I hope this is vague enough to not get anyone in trouble, but also detailed enough to be of some help.
Relationship.
A dear, believing friend and I recently split paths. And for good. I came to realize that she was exploiting my tendency to serve others and was essentially using me as her personal dumping bag. Emotionally and spiritually. The relationship became so draining that until my husband mentioned how downtrodden I had become and we were able to link the two together, that the only way we felt – for now – that I could overcome her controlling ways was to split completely. We prayed long and hard over it – and are so thankful God opened my eyes to her deception.
Relationship…
I hestiate to even respond to this post because the seperation I have experienced is very new (less than 6 months) and it’s very sad to me to write that it’s my sister. I can barely understand it all. But I do understand my anger, hurt, and resentment toward her. I struggle daily because I am very familiar with God’s Word and I know He speaks of forgiveness, love and kindness. But I honestly have to force myself to leave this at His feet. I want to hold onto my anger and see her just as hurt and empty as I am. Yes, we are both believer’s. Grew up in a strong Christian home. I don’t know for sure how solid her walk is. She has always struggled and it seems to me she does what she thinks people will approve of rather than what God’s Word says is right. To ensure her ‘spot’ in our family she has stired up lies about me, made accusations about my intentions, and so so much more. I just finally had to remove myself from her. We did sit down to discuss things and that was a disaster. She just threw out more and more insults. I do believe that she has convinced herself of many of the faslehoods she claims. She’s a tough girl when she’s on fire. So, I don’t know what will happen with the two of us. I fight Satan every day wanting to be just and mean and nasty. I’m surrounding by some awesome sisters in christ and they have been a wonderful support. Along with my mom. Praise God!!
Relationship.
This particular friend and I had struggled in the past with our friendship for various reasons, but had come together under the most wonderful, God-centered circumstances and spent months growing together in the Word. We would talk for hours about things we were learning and really tackled some hard issues in both our lives. Some tension began to build with a group of friends we respected and looked up to spiritually and our friendship fell apart because of it, I believe.
Because we felt differently about the situation we simply stopped talking and haven’t talked since. It was hard because it was so abrupt, but I believe God had a plan in the timing of ALL of it. He definitely used us to sharpen each other in the Word for that particular season.
RELATIONSHIP.
She was the woman who was instrumental in leading me to Jesus. We were in college together and I loved her dearly. She got married before me. She and her husband were VERY intellectual and disapproved of a lot of stuff that wasn’t, in their opinion, right. What church we worshipped at. How we studied scripture. On and on and on. EVERYTHING was critiqued by them and I mean EVERYTHING. When my husband and I married (he was also their friend) they disapproved of our birth control method. I kid you not. I finally decided it was just easier to not have her for a friend than it was to always be justifying my (in their eyes) flawed choices in life. I saw her husband’s account on facebook a couple weeks ago and thought of reconnecting. But then I saw a comment she made using his account…belittling the banality and stupidity of social networking. I decided I would just let things stay the way they are.
Little Rock ~ 40-ish
I am struggling with the almost unbearable sadness of gradually letting go of one youthful dream after another, after another….you get the picture…For example, I always wanted exactly 3 children, but only have one. I wanted this, and that, and the other, and instead of reaching my goals, I am dealing with crow’s feet, weight gain, graying hair, and a tornadic schedule. I’ve been trying to console myself that maybe those so-called personal “goals” were really just false-idols-in-disguise. (That’s certainly at least partially true). But even my perceived failures are actually just God’s way of tearing down my stubborn idols, it still HURTS LIKE CRAZY.
Love ya, Beth! Can’t wait till the LR LPL. Praying for your safety, good rest, and a strong Word!