So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 1401
    Marissa; 31, NC says:

    1-The last time I came face to face with insecurity described in this book was today when I woke up. Most recently I have started a new ladies Small Group study and the girl that is hosting the study and I have become closer. She has been sharing her struggle with getting to know this young man. She waits every day to hear from him and if she doesn’t she gets upset and tearful. It hurts me to think how many of us, myself included, wait on men for happiness.

    2- I identify most with the deep uncertainty that my feelings and desires are not legitimate as well as unrealistic expectations in relationships. Really, I felt like the whole definition was a description with my picture beside it. I have always felt this way and have battled it my entire life. I have found this common thread in all my journal entries and most intimate prayers. Lord help me get past this!

  2. 1402
    Brittany says:

    I have had this book on my shelf for one solid year now. I am in my mid 20’s, reside in NC, and I am single.

    I don’t know where to start in the expression of my many insecurities. I have decided to break out this book now because I am exhausted and angry that my insecurities have held me back from living life to the fullest. For the past three years I have emotionally devoted myself to this guy that has continued to set me up and let me down time after time. I have sobbed so many days and nights over this person. I have ruined possible relationships over this person. But, I have realized through this person the insecurities I have. So, that is the positive note in this situation.

    My parents divorced when I was a child. And, ever since then I have an obsession with making sure everyone is happy. I am the “peace keeper” and the “I want everyone to be happy with me” person. It tears me apart for someone to be upset with me or that I think views me as a disappointment.

    I have met lots of guys, but I have never even kissed a guy because I feel that it will not be perfect enough, and I could not take the devastation of not being perfect. I am so embarrassed to say these things to anyone. But, it is time. I somehow feel safe to talk about these things on here and with no one else. I obsess on this all day at times. It brings be such anxiety. I fear that I will never get married.

    There are so many more things that I could list. But, this is a good starting point. God Bless, and thanks for listening.

    • 1402.1
      Adrienne, 20's, Single, TX says:

      I can definitely relate to this. It is time to recognize the insecurity rooted there. Thanks for posting and helping me realize it!

  3. 1403
    Lindsay says:

    28 – Single in a committed dating relationship

    2. The last time I came face to face with insecurity described in this book was coming home from dinner tonight. I have been dating the most incredible man for the last 1 year-7 months, and we are nearing “decision” time. This particular season of our relationship has brought out the WORST insecurity I have ever experienced as an adult. I feel as if I am living in the land of limbo- waiting for him to “choose” me, or break my heart. I know intellectually that God has the plan already figured out, and my man is a faithful Christian – – He has courted me with honor and integrity – we are both sexually pure, and his wife will be the only woman he will ever say “I love you” to. He has never given me any doubt that he is leading me on or that he plans to leave me at all. However, my heart is so full of fear…will he decide I am not good enough? Will I do something in the next few weeks that will cause him to decide he does NOT want to spent his earthy life with me? These fears are starting to manifest themselves in extreme sensitivity, and I find myself wanting to take a step back from this relationship (which is not want I want to do) because I don’t know what’s to come and it scares me to death. I desperately want the Lord to heal me of this crippling insecurity.

    3. “The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection….a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate.” This statement means so much to me because, I am one of the women that belong in the unfortunate “daddy issues” club. Abuse, abandon, reject, disappoint, hurt – this is my dad – and I have had to cash so many bad checks he wrote into my life as I have grown. With the Lord’s help, he saved me from the throwing my own life away, and all things considered, I am relatively normal 🙂 Every now and then an issue rears it’s ugly head and attempts to take my life away, and for me, this issue is insecurity – a VERY bad friend indeed.

  4. 1404
    Jujubee says:

    26, single, California girl living in DC

    1. I struggle with comparing myself with other women’s beauty and charm; I see them as competitors for the admiration of others. I especially feel this struggle within the church community.

    2. Unrealistic expectations of myself and others leave me insecure. Most of the time, people don’t even know my expectations, so how can I take it personally when they don’t meet them? And it is completely unrealistic to look like celebrities in their photoshopped images, so why am I hard on myself and insecure when I don’t?

    • 1404.1
      Rebecca Nickerson says:

      I have struggled for years with this. It has recently ended a relationship I have had with a man that I love dearly. I am a 39 year old mother of 3. Lived in San Diego, Ca. up until moving to Alabama in 2003.
      I have had two divorces with very abusive men and have experienced alot of pain growing up. I want to feel normal and yet I compare myself to other women and feel I will never measure up to what men desire(partly due to husbands verbalizing this to me). I have disliked myself for a long time and hoping this book will help me!

  5. 1405
    Anita Allison says:

    Dear Beth, I found the word “stronghold” in the Bible 7 times. In 5 of them it spoke of the Lord as being my stronghold, my fortress to go to in times of trouble. I consider this place a “spiritual” stronghold. So perhaps you can understand my great astonishment when I read on the cover of your book Praying God’s World” about breaking free from spiritual strongholds. I thought..she can’t mean that! We need to treasure spiritual strongholds, don’t we? I’ve known your works for over 20 years and I can’t believe you would use phrases that would mislead others. Also on page 136 in your lovely little book titled “Breaking Free” you stated that “deception is the glue that holds strongholds together” Couldn’t you have said “satan’s strongholds so your words couldn’t be miscontrued?
    I’ve been praying and wondering whether to write you about this and now feel that God prompted me to tell you of my viewpoint. I know how God is working in your life and I admire what you have done and are doing. May He continue to bless, enlighten and guide you. With deep affection, Anita Allison

    • 1405.1
      Laura says:

      I have the book that you are referring to “Praying God’s Word”. If you will notice in your study of strongholds, it is only mentioned on time on in the New Testament, and that is in II Corinthians 10:3-5. The meaning of the word “Stronghold” in this verse and in this context is what the book is referring to; if you did a word study on the word in the NT, you would understand that the meaning in the Greek, it is simply anything in our life that has a strong hold on us; the book you are referring to is about how to let go on the many things around us that can so easily become a strong hold and that God alone and His Word together are to be the only real strong hold in our life; His Word, combined with prayer, in the literal sense mean the word dynami (I’m not spelling it correctly, as I do not have the book in front of me), coming from the word dynamite, and have the power to free us from anything or person that has a strong hold on us, and in seeking this, how to make God and His Word the strong hold of our life. If you will notice in the book, it is referencing the Greek meaning, the New Testament Meaning. The other places the term “stronghold” is found is in the Old Testament and is Hebrew.
      I hope this helps to clear up any confusion.

  6. 1406
    Susan Holloway says:

    Hi Beth, I was walking into a shop I’ve never been in before and suddenly my eye just caught this book on the shelf and without thinking I turned it around and read the back of the book. I bought it and went home, as I got home I thought to myself why on earth did I buy this book. So I thought just read it you can’t loose anything. Well the book changed my life. My daughter is 13 years old and is very insecure and I prayed to the Lord and asked Him for help because how can I help my child if I’m insecure myself. The Lord really answered my prayer through this book. I’ve dealt with my childhood, my mom wanted an abortion when she fell pregnant with me and it was unsuccessful, and I’ve also been abused physically and sexually by 6 men between the ages of 3yrs and 11yrs. But still I felt insecure well now I’m on the road to total recovery and I can help my daughter as well and I am so excited because I have a heart for woman who went through the same as I did and want to help them now I know it is possible thank you very much. Blessings from a sunny South Africa, Susan Holloway.

  7. 1407
    Brigett says:

    I loved this book. My friend gave it to me to read and I thought, wow, I can’t believe she gave me a book with the word insecurity in it. LOL I read it and poured myself over page after page and knew it spoke to me BY THE VOLUME! It is me, and God wanted to deliver me! I am forever thankful. God then did an amazing work. I was called to the womens ministry and I knew it. He had a plan. So me and two women who I love are starting a womens ministry on the basis of this book! We want women to heal, we want women to find value in one another, we want to know who we are in Christ and so we are going to start this Journey in Septemeber this year! Please pray we can connect our women of the church and they can finding healing and see themselves as God wants them to!! I am laying my insecurity aside and realizing that my insecurities would have kept me from doing what God wanted. At one time I would have run instead of being obedient. Thank you for speaking your heart in this book Beth, and for letting us share it through the group experience!

  8. 1408
    Heidi says:

    I bought this book about a month ago. I started reading it but then put it down. I couldn’t bring myself to continue. I was afraid of what it might bring out in me. I recently have found a desire to pick it up again. I find my insecurities coming from my ex. He was my first bf, I hoped he would be my only one. My whole life i’ve prayed that my first bf would be the last. I didn’t wanna go through a bunch of breakups. I entered the relationship with the hopes of marrying him someday. We started out really well. But I found myself leaning on him for all of my problems. We both came to each other if something was wrong, hoping the other would fix it. I found myself relying on him for almost everthing. And when he didn’t meet my need or expectations, I found myself disappointed. He always told me he thought I was beautiful. But I never could believe him, because I never believed God saw me as beautiful daughter. I’ve always seen myself as average. Not pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough.
    So far I’ve learned that no woman will ever believe when a man tells her she is beautiful until she believes it from her “Daddy” (God) first. God’s slowly been showing me how he sees me. My goal is to completely see how God sees me, to seek after God, and be set free from my battles of insecurity.

  9. 1409
    Ashley says:

    My husband gave me So Long Insecurity as a Christmas present last year. It has taken me almost a year, being busy with two little girls, but I am now down to the last two chapters and honestly have to say that I feeling a little sad by knowing this part of my “Gaining Dignity Back” journey is coming to an end. I have never “blogged” and I would be lying if I said I even knew what a blog was but I knew God put this on my heart to share with you. A couple of months ago I was unable to sleep so I began reading and soon found myself sobbing over the prayer written in the book, when I had come to the close my alarm went off and it was my little girl who was three at the time singing “This is the Day”! Well as I smiled looking at my phone I listened intensely to every word my little gift sang and then I noticed something that only God could have planned, when it came time to sing “I will rejoice and be glad in it”, she sang her own version, “I will rejoice and be glad in ME”! Talk about chills, this three year old little girl already had it right, we ARE to rejoice and be glad in ME everyday. Ever since that morning I have remembered the little gem of insight God gave me and have looked at myself and even at scripture differently. Just this morning I couldn’t sleep again and began reading some scripture when I came across something I had written years ago, I was in awe of how God could ever love me, feeling so unworthy, which truly we could never deserve what He has given us but I felt unworthy of anything at the time. But, this morning I looked at the same scripture and knew that I am worthy because He made me, He formed me and He is in me. Beth, I want to thank you for allowing God to speak through you and getting out of your own comfort zone to find a new way to be comfortable. I am not thanking you only on my behalf but one the behalf of my entire family. I know can see how difficult it must have been for my husband all these years to deal with this insecure maniac and now make a conscience effort to not allow my insecurities to come in between us. But, I also thank you because God has blessed us with two (number three on the way!) girls, that will need to be taught and reminded that their value does not come from this world or anything in it, but can only come from the One who knew us in our mother’s womb. ALL GLORY TO GOD!

  10. 1410
    Aimee says:

    Houston, 30s, married (newlywed)

    The last time I can face-to-face with insecurity was today. It was actually an extension of a previous situation. Several of my friends have been cheated on by their Christian husbands in the past year. It happened again and I lost it. All of these thoughts about my own husband – a new believer – possibly cheating on me came flooding into my mind. He was working late and I couldn’t help but go through his old phone and look through messages still saved. I let my imagination run away with me and just KNEW I had found something incriminating. So I called him, still at work, and asked him about someone he’d called. In the midst of the conversation, I broke down. I knew it was ridiculous. I was embarrassed and ashamed. He was angry, understandably. For a day I was fine. And then another thought came about the situation and I thought, “Something doesn’t add up.” So of course I had to confront him about it. He explained it, but also got frustrated with me. I again felt embarrassed and ashamed. So here I am, doing this study. Because I can’t go on like this – and neither can my marriage.

    The entire definition of insecurity resonated with me. It might as well be the definition of Aimee. Self-doubt. Uncertainty of basic worth. Chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. Living in constant fear of rejection. All of it, really. Why? I guess that’s what I need to figure out.

  11. 1411
    Merica says:

    I have wrestled with insecurity my entire life starting as a young girl in elementary school even until now as a missionaries wife and mom of 2 wonderful sons. The last time I came face to face with insecurity was just this morning when the old issue to my self-esteem reared its ugly head once again. It affects often my relationship with my wonderful husband as well as my relationship with my family and friends as well as those whom we come in contact on a daily basis.

  12. 1412
    Katherine says:

    Beth, your book is a blessing. I read it after a 6-month relationship with what I thought was a good man ended. My first relationship in 6 years of being divorced. He was newly single, so I didn’t expect it to last, but hoped it would. I benefited from your words of wisdom and recommended scriptures.

    Now I’ve had a shock to follow what was an expected, but sad end to a very nice encounter, that I thought might be resurrected one day. The man I was dating is dating again, as I knew he would. What is awful, is that after only 2 weeks, he is dating my long time friend and neighbor who lives directly across the street from me. Apparently she pursued him for months after meeting him at my house. And he was weak enough to give into his lust for her right in my face. And after asking me to respect his privacy given that he is a public figure. I am floored by the flagrant disrespect from two people that I respected and cared about. Beyond my hurt though, I can see that she especially is consumed with insecurity so deep that she would sacrifice a long-time friendship, our children’s relationship, and the balance in the neighborhood to get the attention of someone else’s man.

    I absolutely hate them both right now. And feel so very, very hurt and betrayed. And scared for what may yet come. But your ministry and encouragement give me specific thoughts to repeat to myself and hang onto until, with God’s grace, I am able to release this hurt. Since reading your book, I know to stop myself from thinking how disgusting and pitiable I must be that they would humiliate me so. I know to stop myself from believing that I am not worth loving. And I know to leave the accounting of their sins to God — which relieves me of the burden of waiting to see or bring about their humiliation and apologies myself.

    Only through re-re-re-re-reading your message, and praying without ceasing will I make it through this. But I know that I can.

    Thank you for your spirited, accessible message.


  13. 1413
    Kristie says:

    I deal with insecurities so much that it keeps me stuck. I feel less than everyone else. If it weren’t for Jesus in my life I would not be secure in who I am today. But I still struggle with it today because Satan knows how to get in. I know more tools to keep him at bay, but if I’m having an insecure day he can turn me upside down if you know what I mean. I am learning to be more secure in Christ today. It is a daily struggle.

  14. 1414
    Laurie says:

    Laurie, Gibsonville, NC, 30’s, Single

    2. Me! The last time I came face to face with our gender’s insecurity was me, two weeks ago, while I was at the beach, on vacation with my 9 year old daughter. She asked me to look for shark’s teeth with her. I didn’t want to get out of my chair, too worried about what people were going to think about my legs. I am 118 lbs at 5′ 7″ and I have cellulite on the back of my legs. I let that stop me from making memories with my daughter. What is that going to teach her? I know! Because she came in my room last night, “mom, look at my legs, I need to go on a diet!” She is 9! for crying out loud. 90lbs at 5′ 1″ Lord, I expect You to bring me through this study a changed woman, secure in Your truth!!

    3. The insecure man or woman lives in CONSTANT fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. Because I am insecure, living under fear of rejection and I question my judgements. I wonder if I expect too much in relationships. Is wanting a man that has a walk with Christ, one that has respect for me and loves me for who God is molding me to be today….is this too much to ask for?

  15. 1415

    I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?
    Plz reply as I’m looking to create my own blog and
    would like to know where u got this from. cheers

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