Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 401
    Anne says:

    I am praying for you and your family, particularly Gay…praying that God grants peace, healing, and strength.

  2. 402
    Stacey says:

    Praying Beth, for Gay, for you, for your family. DANG devil!

  3. 403
    Brenda says:

    My heart hurts for all of you. We too have experienced the highs and lows of addiction. God is forever faithful and we are over-comers in Him.

  4. 404
    Johanna Tooke says:

    Rarely do I post a comment on this sweet blog. However today, I’d be remiss if I only remained a reader. Gay, as a sister in Christ, I will be battling with you in prayer. One verse I will be praying for you is Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

  5. 405
    Sarah M. says:

    Our Heavenly Father knows all that we don’t know – and that is enough! Your sweet family has my prayers.

  6. 406
    Diane says:

    Raising up prayers immediately for you and Gay and everyone impacted. Please know you are both loved and esteemed so much. May Satan be struck down by how many prayers this blog community raises in response to his attacks; he cannot come between us and our mighty, merciful and loving God!

  7. 407
    laura howard says:

    The devil is alive and well….but so is GOD and HE is MORE POWERFUL and FULL OF GRACE AND MERCY! Isn’t that just the greatest thing about God….HE IS THERE! Love you

  8. 408
    Redeemed says:

    Gay’s testimony is weighty and honest and wonderful, because it is so rich with the continued handiwork of God. No details are necessary, because in one way or another we’re all in the same topsy turvy boat called “Life”. But our Savior is in it with us, hallelujah.

    “It’s a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.” -Madeleine L’Engle

    This quote has encouraged me so much lately. I hope it speaks to you in some way, too.
    We love you.

  9. 409
    Tammy York says:

    I am praying for you, your team and the ones you hold close to your heart. May God wrap his loving arms around you all. You, your team, your family and Gay will never know the lives you have touch.

    We love you!!!!!!!!!!

  10. 410
    Kiersten Griffith says:

    Beth, my heart is heavy for you and Gay during this time. I am praying for her and your entire family. Thank you for being transparent with us and for loving and serving our Jesus with all that is in you. I pray that He gives me a hunger, thirst and passion like yours (not to become you but to love him with the fire you have). God has spoken to me through you in so many ways. He is greater than He that is in the world and we WILL overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies. Love your sister in Christ.

  11. 411
    Denise Wilkin says:

    My heart hurts with your heart, I love you my sister in Christ,

  12. 412
    Bobbie Lancaster says:

    Dear Beth, I will be praying for you, Keith, Amanda, Melissa, Living Proof Staff and Gay. You and your family mean so very much to me personally. My heart and love go out to all of you.

  13. 413
    Jennifer D. says:

    Dear Beth,
    There is no need to wish things could be tidier. In fact, the FACT that you are honest, transparent, and open is what makes your teaching and life so refreshing.

    Gaye’s writings have helped me tremendously begin to find healing with my family’s addictions. God has used her to help so many and will continue to bless her.

    I was thinking about you guys last night as my brother is trapped in the cycle of addiction. At some point, I would love to hear your story from the point of view of a sister who loves her sibling who struggles with addiction. LPL KC taught me to love my THEYs, but I would love to hear your words on what helped/helps you during these times.

    There are not enough words to state how much you are loved and respected. Prayiing for you and Gaye that you feel His presence and peace.

  14. 414
    Patti says:

    Your honesty is heartfelt and your trust for the Body of Christ to pray is humbling. “The LORD bless you and keep you;the LORD make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.”

  15. 415
    Donna says:

    I love your ministry and have loved your blog because it is so REAL. There is no pretense and thus, no hypocrisy. How I hate the devil!! Keeping your sweet sister in my prayers, as well as all of you. God’s not done yet!

  16. 416
    GJ says:

    Honesty, integrity, and transparency are marks of your ministry. I love you to pieces and you DO serve responsibly. You bear much responsibility and I pray for God to help you as you “balance your love” to everyone who wants a little piece of your petite self.

    James 4:6
    But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

    Love the KJV – “He giveth more grace.” Yes He does. And He will.

    I sure love you and your people!

    • 416.1
      GJ says:

      Love this old hymn – “He Giveth More Grace”

      He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
      He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
      To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
      To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

      When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
      When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
      When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
      Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

      Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
      Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
      Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
      The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

      His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
      His power no boundary known unto men;
      For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
      He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

  17. 417
    dianne Jensen says:

    Dearest Beth,

    I speak truth into your spirit in the same way you have spoken truth into my spirit on many occasions.

    Psalm 27: 13,14
    What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait and hope for and expect the Lord.

    Psalm 31: 24
    Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

    Psalm 146: 6
    ….. Who keeps truth and is faithful forever.

    Oh Lord Jesus, you are the Who. You are Who we wait for. You are Who we hope for. You are Who we expect.

    much love

  18. 418
    Michelle says:

    Oh Siesta Mama, your pain is so evident! This group of blog sisters loves you and your family so very much!! Praying for you all.

  19. 419
    Kristi M says:

    Beth, I always know when reading here…that you and LPM keep it real. And real life is real messy. No matter where we are on our journey. I used to think if I were a “better” Christian life would be much more tidy. It is not. Life today just brings me more and more often to the Savior. And regardless of who it is or what has been done, Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross covered us all. Offering prayers today Heaven for all those hurting, confused, and suffering today. Myself included! Love to you all at LPM!

  20. 420
    karensk says:

    Thinking of y’all and praying for all of y’all….

    May you feel the extra hugs from the Lord. I know He has lots for y’all.

    Karen K.

  21. 421
    Julie Kay Van Inwagen says:

    Totally saddened about Gay’s “fall”. Her installments encouraged me to “press on”. I bought the “Ragamuffin Gospel” she spoke of, so often & It’s changing my perspective & I wanted to thank her for that & for all her words meant (Mean) to me! Praying for her & for you all! Bless you all. Gay (if your reading) Please know your testimony changed my life! Bless you, sister!! He loves us where we’re at, Praise God for that alone. Julie

  22. 422
    Sharon mi says:

    “We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.” Amen Amen and Amen!
    “Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.” This is what I will do Beth. I will be praying.

    It is impossible to adequately express how profoundly you and this blog and this whole blog community have impacted me and my growth with our Lord. The Lord led me here through a scrapbooking site when I had precious little anywhere else.

    You are so loved!!!

    ps. The song “Our God” by Chris Tomlin just keeps rolling through my head. Think I’m going to go sing it…REAL LOUD!

  23. 423
    Jennie says:

    I’m praying for you and your sweet sister, Gay, today. I know how much I love my own sisters and your post made my heart ache. Thank you for your openness with us in this community–may God use it to bring his name glory as we pray for you ladies!

  24. 424
    AmberK says:

    Oh sweet Gay and precious Beth…you both are in my most heart felt prayers. All of us can recognize, without knowing details, that there’s a spiritual battle taking place. Gay’s heart is lovin’ the Lord, and no doubt it is even in this moment, but Satan doesn’t win souls because he’s a quitter. He wants her back…and he’s going to try but Gay-you are being POWERFULLY and UNCEASINGLY prayed for and loved on spiritually. Beth, you know this is true for you, too. I will hold you close in my heart, the two of you. There’s a next chapter and hopefully it’ll be much quicker to be written. Whatever it is, it’s not permanent. The only thing we know for sure that is forever, is God’s love. He’s no quitter either, and Gay-HE wants you. 🙂 Hang in there…as a good friend of mine always says ‘Faith not Fear’!

  25. 425
    Judie Williams says:

    I’m sorry. I’m praying.

  26. 426
    Susan Wilson says:

    Oh, dear Beth!!!! I could hear the pain in your words; however, I, also, heard Hope!!!! I will be praying for you, for Gay, and your family (blood-related and not!) I don’t need details as God has it all under His control, and I don’t want to mess THAT up in any way!!! Love you!!

  27. 427
    Julie Hodges says:

    Keeping you anf Gay in my Prayers!!!

  28. 428
    Carol Hulin says:

    As others have said in their replies, we don’t need the details, God knows them better then we do.
    Because we are a family (a large one) when you hurt, we hurt and I’m so glad you came to us for prayer.
    I will be praying for you, Gay and all of your family. Know that I am hugging all of you in my heart…

  29. 429

    Simply praying – but not praying simply. Love to ALL!

  30. 430
    Cindy says:

    Beth –
    I’m lifting you up in prayer. No explanations needed, just love, hugs, and prayers!


  31. 431
    Madalyn says:

    I am heartbroken for your family and praying for each one, especially Gay and her sons. I know the Lord is able to carry each and every one of you and I am praying for strength, peace, and wisdom.

  32. 432
    Penny Armbruster says:

    Dear Precious Mama Beth

    I feel so sick to my stomach and grieved for all of you in your precious family. We LOVE Gay and God used her so immensely on this blog. We need to know nothing – God knows it all. We will faithfully pray and love her from our knees trusting in what we know to be true.

  33. 433
    Carol from MA says:

    Dear Beth and Family and especially Gay,

    I love your honesty – that means more to me than victory in an odd way. We are all works in progress and we are all tripping along – some falling deeper than others. We need to pull each other up through God’s mysterious power that works in the body. I will be praying and I look forward to a good report in the future. I am claiming it for you because God is greater than anything. Amen.

  34. 434
    Hilda says:

    You are promised my prayers – all of you. I have been experiencing isolation and loneliness lately like never before in my 68 years; life is HARD, no matter our station along the paths we each have set before us. Judging and condescension not something any of us will to do. Lord have mercy on us all and He can’t return a minute too soon!! MARANATHA!

  35. 435
    Terry says:

    For someone I’ve never met in person, I feel as if I know you as a sister in Christ. My prayers are with you, Beth & Gay and for your families who may also be feeling your pain. God will see you through the fire. Thank you for the priviledge to pray for both of you. “Now, my God, may your eyes be open and your ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.” 2 Chronicles 6:40

  36. 436
    Brenda says:

    May we all surround Gay in Father”s room of love and grace. “For we know, He works all, ALL, things together for good for Gay and Beth who love Him so.” Beth, you are a good and faithful sister to Gay. May peace abound in the midst of turmoil. You both are deeply loved and prayed for….

  37. 437
    Diane Kane-Barnhart says:

    Beth, My heart is still aching for you, Tony and Gay. It has ached since the moment I learned of the BLOW wielded on Gay by Satan.

    Please let Gay know this: The Lord doesn’t require you to be strong, before you take a place at His side. You can walk in brokenness to Him. He will walk you through the pain.

    Prayes and Blessings to you all.

  38. 438
    Heather Briggs says:

    Praying for all. He was faithful then, He’ll be faithful again. Lord show yourself mighty to this family!

  39. 439
    Kim Mote says:

    Well said, dear Lady. We don’t even need a reminder to pray for you and your dear staff and thank you thank you thank you for sharing the need to pray for Gay. Without revealing one more fact that by the way we do NOT need to know anymore facts, we all sense a creeping evil presence of Satan that is hard to describe. It makes me SICK. I knew as sweet Gay shared her story of victory that she was putting a big x on her back because Satan was boiling that God was using her story for what he intended for evil to be good. He makes me so MAD. He plays dirty. And his purpose here is so plain because he not only wants Gay he wants you and he wants to discredit this whole blog and discourage the readers that have read it. So now we’ve called him OUT. God wins here. He always does. Our hearts hurt for you and Gay. No worries about about shame or condemnation. We are a sisterhood of redeemed and forgiven women, praise God! So grateful we know your heart. So thankful for transparency and for BEING REAL for crying out loud because this world is FAKE with make over surgeries and make up and lies. Satan would love to put a stop to you being REAL…but he WONT. Sharing is risky business. But hear us loud and clear Satan, we won’t stop sharing and BEth we ask that YOU DON”T STOP SHARING either!

    Loving you all and praying in Arkansas,

  40. 440
    Emily says:

    As I read through all of the comments, it strikes me that this is what the body of Christ looks like. It encourages my heart greatly! I read all of Gay’s installments, so am well familiar with her precious story- and you are right Beth, it is still being written! Praying deeply for her and your family. Satan is so crafty, cunning and deceitful. Praise God we know who wins the war!

  41. 441
    Carla says:

    …just enormous hugs for you and Gay, life is so hard but Our God is so good, pray for me and I will pray for you. Thank you for sharing, there is suc peace in sharing and being able to say hey I am not perfect, I have struggles but we have others to share with, that is part of God’s plan.

  42. 442
    Shayne says:

    Dear Lord…cover our sweet sisters Gay and Beth and the whole rootin’-tootin’ family. Cover our mouths and our hearts with grace and hide us from the enemy. We trust in You in this circumstance as we do with all the others we are each dealing with. With pleas for mercy, for grace, for Your love and Your strength we cry out, and even in the crying…we trust. We thank You Jesus for Gay and for the story You are writing in her. We cannot wait to read the ending and to see Your glorious face shining out of hers, and all of ours, with triumph. We praise You Jesus…for You alone are worthy. Amen.

  43. 443
    Ina says:

    Sweet Beth, we can feel your heartbreak in your words. I am so sorry you all are having to go through this dark valley. I appreciate so much your transparency and will join with others in praying, so that we can help you bear this burden.

    I went thru the Esther study in the fall, and keep coming back to “If _____, then GOD.”

    “The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains”. Habakkuk 3:19

    With much love and prayers, Ina

  44. 444
    Sabrina says:

    This could be any of our stories and has been mine (though in different circumstances). There but for the grace of God, go I. With tears in my eyes…praying for you all.

    “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” Ephesians 3:20

  45. 445
    Tanya Isley says:

    Agreed! No details needed! Gay , you & your family
    are in my prayers! Let us remember His love NEVER fails!!

  46. 446
    Leah says:

    Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry Beth. I cried through each of Gay’s post’s! And was so thankful she was willing to share her story. Will be praying for her. As a family deeply touched by drug and alcohol addiction I share your pain. But I can testify to the healing love and Power of Christ and our local Teen Challenge! God is Good all the time. Praying for Gay, for healing, restoration and down right stamina to get through and for God to touch her in an amazing way. But God…
    God Bless You,
    Love, Leah

  47. 447
    Eva says:

    So sorry for the pain the enemy continues to heap upon this fallen world and the destruction he schemes from every single word and action we take. He is defeated and just makes us all stand closer in the gap praying for one another when a snare has been set. Thanks for being so honest with us and vulnerable. You remind us all how hard this life really is even when we are doing so well at times … trouble knocks on every person’s life but God willing, it won’t stay long before His mighty power overcomes!
    Praying for all of you with empathy and compassion and trusting in the name of God to overcome this trial. Love you so much!

  48. 448
    Barbara Schwarz says:

    Dear Beth/Siesta Mama:
    My heart has been aching since I read this last night. I don’t like to presume “the worst” for your sister. I’m 7 years, 2 mos sober and know what a daily battle this is. God did not see to remove the desire to drink from me – instead I believe He has chosen to have me constantly seeking His strength – to “keep me honest”, so to speak. But I have even gone so far as to “plan” when I would try to drink again, cause I know I can control it now…….that’s when I’m hit again with the fear/reality that it just isn’t so. I pray your sister will not feel like a failure, that she will remember the joys of sobriety and the freedom from the guilt (which was the greatest freedom I experienced the moment I quit) and know that she can recover again – especially that she won’t feel like she has failed everyone around her – WE ALL FAIL – that’s why God’s mercies are new every morning. I pray for you and your family – that God will supply what you need. “He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater.”

  49. 449
    Crissy Wright says:

    Beth, my heart is heavy for Gay and your family. We are all sinners and have all fallen short of God’s glory. But thankfully God does not choose to leave us in our depravity!!! It is not hopeless. He is faithful to forgive and restore. God is not finished yet. Prayers to you all.

  50. 450
    Jenny Kozar says:

    Oh Sweet Sister – Thank you so much for your love and guidance. Know I am praying.

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