Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 351
    Jamie b says:

    oh my heart aches! praying for Gay and your whole family.

  2. 352
    Karen Isbell says:

    Thank you Jesus, that your Mercy and Grace pours down new every morning. Thank you that You will complete the work you began in our sweet sister Gay, her victory has been won by Your blood.

  3. 353
    Cindy says:

    We have to constantly remind ourselves that if it were not for the grace of loving, merciful God we too might have many stops and starts in our story. Prayers are more productive than wonderings, questions and sayings. Praying for peace to you and yours today.

  4. 354
    Tami says:

    Beth~ Thank you for your honesty and authentic-ness. It is a blessing to us all. Your faithfulness in bringing God’s word to us, and driving us to seek Him and His Word alone is one of the most precious gifts I have ever received. For those of us who have first hand experience with addiction,know the process is messy, takes time, and is frought with ups and downs. “But God…” those two words from Gay’s writing was so powerful and spoke directly to my heart. It remains a constant truth regardless of how we humans “mess up,” But God…

    God’s grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every day! I’m sorry for your hurting heart, and for those so close to this situation. I will pray for His tender touch and loving, warm comfort for you all. Also, I we pray for your sweet sister Gay and she walks this out with God. Hold tight to Him sweet sister!

  5. 355
    Dawn says:

    Praying for Gay, her boys, you, and all who love her.

    What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

    “For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:31-39 (NIV)

  6. 356
    Ashley N says:

    I find myself in tears. I read every word of her series, and fell in love with her heart. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I’m reminded of a verse someone else has already mentioned, 2 Samuel 7:18 – “who am I, o sovereign lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?”. He is STILL sovereign, STILL on His throne, and He will bring her farther. He is mighty to save. Love and prayers for you both.

  7. 357
    Michelle O'Banion says:

    Oh…..we LOVE you, Beth…….and WE WILL be on our knees for you and this situation. We trust your heart…Yes, we TRUST your heart. Huuuuuuuug to you….. and prayers are going up.

  8. 358
    Kelly S says:

    I love you. Im praying.

  9. 359
    Lisa says:

    Sweet Beth,
    Yes, we know your heart. And your Siestas are weeping with you right now, sharing this sorrow with you. We love you so dearly.

    I have often thought,lately, that I wish life weren’t so messy. But it’s the messiness that keeps us at the foot of the cross, ever in need of mercy and grace. Ever clinging to HIS strength, not ours. I’m lifting you and your dear ones up to the Father today.

    I love you.

  10. 360
    Kimberly Hll says:

    I read your blog all the time and have never commented. Today my heart is heavy for you all right now. My mother has an addiction and I can relate to the joys, pains, disappointments and anger associated within the addict and their families and all thoses who’s lives they touch. But God is bigger than our understanding. And His ways are always for His good. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers. Praise God today that we don’t have to understand or control this situation, He is already on it!

  11. 361
    Beth says:

    Just praying for Gay. Surely I speak for all of us when I say…We do not expect any of you at Living Proof to be more perfect than we are. It is your honesty that we appreciate. Life is messy. Thank goodness Christ has overcome it!

  12. 362
    Nancy says:

    Oh Dear One: After being a part of Bible study with you for over ten years, you wear your heart on your sleeve. We love you so! My heart breaks for your sister, for your family. One of my favorite words is hope because the Lord is our hope! Praying for Gay that she will be strengthened and just like Peter that soon she will strengthen others. So thankful for the Lord and his mercy and grace. So thankful for you and your family. Love you dear sister.

  13. 363
    Anna says:

    I think, Miss Beth, if I have learned anything from you in the years I have been attending your bible study, it is that we are all imperfect. Only God is perfect. We all have struggles. We all fail. Only God doesn’t fail. God has not failed Gay, and this is NOT THE END! You do serve us responsibly. Maybe the pressure of sharing her story with the world was just too much for her, I think we can all relate to that. HUGE HUGS!!! And many more prayers….. Much love to you and your whole family….

  14. 364
    amybhill says:

    gay- if you happen to read this, there are a few things i feel led to share with you:
    1) you are loved. you are loved first and foremost by God. And you are straight-up loved by every sister in Christ worth her salt.
    2) don’t worry about how what just happened in your life affects “your testimony.” a sister in Christ just said to me yesterday – “God loves taking our messes and turning them into masterpieces.” What the enemy means for evil, God will turn for good (Gensis 50:20). And Romans 8:28 applies to this situation in your life as much as it applies to every other situation in every one of our lives.
    3) the pressure is off. this is not your battle to fight. He that has begun a good work it you WILL complete it (Phil 1:6). HE that has begun a good work – HE THAT HAS BEGUN A GOOD WORK – HE will complete it. the pressure is off of you, sweet friend. Look to Him. Count on Him. And encourage everyone else you meet to do the same. For all those people who wanted to attach to YOU and let YOU be their inspiration and “savior,” this just gives you more opportunity to point them to Christ. You are no one’s savior. And that’s a good thing. When the enemy tries to throw this setback in your face, smile and agree, “yes, i did fail and in my strength, and in my strength i always will. BUT MY GOD, who has begun a good work in me, has promised to complete that work and HE WILL be faithful!!! Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light (Micah 7:8).

    i am praying for you, sweet friend. you are a sister, always.

    • 364.1
      amybhill says:

      sorry for the mistype toward the end of that- i was just firing off in a passion! love you!

  15. 365
    Kay Wammack says:

    Praying for Gay and all of you, Beth.

    Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

  16. 366
    Rachel says:

    Praying for you Gay, for your and your family Beth, for all your broken hearts

  17. 367
    Diane Rullestad says:

    Gay HAS an awesome testimony & it is continuing. It’s really no surprise the enemy has attacked her so hard after the way God has used her testimony on here to minister & encourage so many people. Gay has victory in Jesus & she will live in His victory!

    Love, Grace & Peace be to you & your family! Our GOD is mighty to save & carry to victory!!!

  18. 368
    Anna Patterson says:

    Dear Beth,
    My heart breaks with yours on reading your recent post. I will be standing in the gap, praying for Gay and for all of you who love her dearly. May she be overwhelmed by God’s unconditional love, grace and mercy. Blessings to your precious family.

  19. 369
    Andre S says:

    Dear Beth-
    I love that you are so real, and that you trust us this much. I will keep you all in my prayers…and indeed I too wish life were tidier.

    Heavenly Father,
    I pray for your hand upon Gay. I pray that you would surround her with your mighty hands and protect her from any attacks from the evil one. Lord, I ask that you give her the strength to turn from her flesh and to seek you with all she has…minute by minute if that’s what it takes right now. Lord, I praise you that your promises remain true, even amidst our wavering.

    In His Name,

  20. 370
    Kathy B says:

    Praying! What a marvelous example of how to share enough without sharing too much. Tough, tough balance to strike and I’ve erred on both sides–meaning well all the while.

    Oh Lord on high, we need mercy today. Please pour out a fresh portion at LPM. These ladies serve so selflessly. Encourage their hearts and minds. May Gay sense Your nearness and feel Your healing right where she is hurting this hour.

  21. 371
    leslie says:

    Standing in prayer for you and your family. We know & hear your heart and are thankful for the ministry God has given you, be encouraged! xo

  22. 372

    Praying. Love you 🙂

  23. 373
    Suzy Adams says:

    I’ll be praying that all will work out as God has planned. I’ll be prating for strength from God for all of you. Keep strong.

  24. 374
    Noelle says:

    “Through the Lord’s mercies we are NOT consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him!” (Lamentations 3: 22:24)
    Loads of hugs and love for both you and Gay, and the whole family.

  25. 375
    Susan says:

    We are all broken and in need of His daily washing of grace. Praying for rescue…

  26. 376
    Teresa Tabb says:

    Praying for you all, Beth. God Bless you all.

  27. 377
    Volleyball Ginger says:

    Oh Beth and all….my heart is aching for you/all of you right now. Please know that I prayed as I read thru your post and I will certainly continue to uplift Gay and you to our Father. Thank you, thank you for being so honest in the midst of a difficult time. You are so loved by all of us.

    Wetumpka, AL

  28. 378
    Sheryl says:

    Oh dearest family…we are standing in the gap for you, on our knees, but our arms encompass you with love..oh that we could do so physically.
    Dearest Gay… we walk this walk with you, faith and flesh over and over and over again, but with each strength there is stronger muscle, don’t give up, don’t give up…look up again; hold on. We are here on our faces before the Savior on your behalf, we are family, we are friends. We believe God for you.
    Beth, I have no words, just know we do believe God, and are part of this earthly battle with you. This hilly terrain can be wearisome, but there’s a mountain top just ahead with breathtaking views and soul strengthening air…for His Glory and knowing Him we will march on with eyes fixed ahead. We are determined in love and belief!!!

  29. 379
    Sarah says:

    Oh sweet sister!!! Thank you for being willing to allow us in this with you!!! To expose your heart that is already hurting knowing that exposure could bring more pain – I know that your Father will bring such healing from sharing with us!!! Praying for ya’ll!

  30. 380
    Mona says:

    “How long will my enemy triumph over me?” I’ve asked this many times. It’s encouraging to me to know that David, a man after God’s own heart, knew what it was to have his “foot slip” and “fall.” Thank You God for Your Word, for giving us David’s story to remind us that we can “trust in Your unfailing love” and “rejoice in Your salvation,” no matter what…when we suffer hard blows, even when we fail. Oh Jesus, please remind Gaye today of Your unfailing love.

  31. 381
    alice says:

    Some struggles we are given immediate release from. Some struggles we will battle with until the day we cross the threshold of heaven. My heart is hurting for all of you…but: Jesus loves us this we know, for the Bible tells us so. Praying for you and your family.

  32. 382
    Cindy from Ohio says:

    Beth, WE pray on for Gay. SHe is in our Redeemer’s care and He will continue to guide her into all truth. She is on a very difficult road but the difference is HE is with her. In James we were to write out WORDS and assign a word for each letter. Our daughter who is on a road of recovery from an abusive relationship and ended marriage of 11 yrs wrote – Willful Obedience Revives Dead Souls – and this has been her stronghold and we will pray that Gay will find this true also. WE love you and your sister and we will hold this before the Throne of Mercy and Grace believing OUR FAther does all things well. Yes we know your heart and we know the heart of our Father better because of your teaching the WORD. We stand with you believing for Gay’s restoration to willful obedience.

  33. 383
    Tammye says:

    My devotional this morning was a reminder that our “troubles” are not “random mistakes” – they are each one orchestrated to be used for good by the Father who loves us so so much (and unconditionally)- the Father who has a plan which is PERFECT!! This also brings to mind the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. May God grant you each the peace that only HE can provide. Praying……

  34. 384
    From Faith says:

    Deepest love and prayers to all of you. Gay is still my hero for being brave enough to share what I shamefully cannot. Keep the faith!

  35. 385
    Marian says:


  36. 386
    Rhonda Bilbro says:

    Beth, my heart breaks as I read your post this morning. I have such respect for you and your ability to be so transparent with us. Please know that I love you dearly even though we may never meet face to face. I am praying for you and your family, especially Gay. Addiction runs on both sides of my family and it’s a constant struggle, but God is able to break those chains that bind us if we will let Him. It’s for freedom we have been set free. Thank you Jesus!

  37. 387
    Steph says:

    Beth, I will be praying for Gay and for you and for your entire family. It’s not over yet!! Thank you for letting His love shine through your life and for being so real with us.

  38. 388
    Judy Cole says:

    Our God is the One who restores! Nothing is impossible for HIm! Thank You Father that, although we don’t know how, You have a plan and a miracle at the end of this. Praying and believing!

  39. 389
    AnnaRuth says:

    I hate our enemy. I hate him so much. He is so relentless, so cruel.

    I am heartbroken and sorry for Gay’s “hard blow” that she’s dealing with. We don’t need to know a stinkin thing about what’s going on. I’m so glad that you trusted us enough to say what you did, so we can pray. I think it was Mark Twain who said “If my friend were to have a party and not invite me, I wouldn’t mind. But if my fried were to have a heartbreak and not let me in? Mine would break as well.” So thank you for taking a chance and letting us see the pain, so we can lift you all up.

    Gay did a remarkably brave thing by posting her story here. It is no wonder at all that she was attacked by our enemy after giving all of that public glory to God. I know that it doesn’t feel like much of a consolation during the storm, but Gay, please remember, if we’re not a threat to the devil, he doesn’t bother us. You are a THREAT, dear sister! And however he has smacked you down right now matters not! You’ve got a whole community here who loves you and supports you. Take time to crawl into Abba’s lap, cry your heart out, let Him calm your tears. Then get up, dust yourself off and keep trekking. You’ve got this!! We love you so.

  40. 390
    Church Lady says:

    Praying for you all.

  41. 391
    Angie says:

    Oh precious Friend, praying for you, the team, Gay and all of us who crash and burn and everyday.

    Mercy DOES triumph !

  42. 392
    Jackie says:

    I don’t ever read (or write!) anything and then put the tag “and it will be that way forever and ever, amen” at the end of it in my own mind. We’re human, we’re hurting, and it’s really, really hard down here. In heaven it will be perfect and we’ll never need to worry about it again. In the meantime, we have to be able to depend on supportive, non-judgemental love of each other. You have mine, and so does precious Gay.

    • 392.1
      Jackie says:

      Also, I was thinking, when I wrote my testimony for your “what did Jesus do for you” request a few weeks ago, it triggered off all manner of nasty stuff for me. It might be the actual writing that set her off in part… it’s hard to go back to those places. But it’s okay. Jesus wants to heal it, and he can. He’s all we have, but thankfully, he’s also all we need.

  43. 393
    Dustalyn says:

    Thanks for sharing what you could with us… praying… greiving… praying.. and trusting… With love, dustalyn

  44. 394
    Randa Baddley says:

    My love and prayers to you and your precious family. You mean so much to so many!
    This is an untidy world in which we live! Someday we will live in perfection with HIM!

  45. 395
    Abby says:

    Prayers for you and your family. Gay’s story affected me so deeply, I can’t look at one homeless person in the city of houston without thinking of her.

  46. 396
    Laura Fedorko says:

    God works in every situation and can see the WHOLE picture of his purpose in all of our lives. I forget that a lot when all I can see is the present.

    Praying that truth would be revealed, Satan’s stronghold would be released and God would continue his work in all of our lives so that He can receive ALL the Glory due His name!

  47. 397
    Sue says:

    “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Ps.34:18
    “close”: in place, time, kinship
    “saves”: to be liberated, set free, to give victory to
    Shedding tears over your broken hearts and crushed spirits. Praying to the One Who is mighty to save.

  48. 398
    Barbara Menefee says:


  49. 399
    Toni says:

    I am praying for Gay and your family.
    If only we would truly understand how much God loves us that He gave His only begotten Son for us. Jesus took all our punishment for all our sins and His blood washes us clean. If we could just see that more clearly, Father, give us a fresh and personal revelation of your love for each one of us and into Jesus’ finished work at the cross. He took it all and rose from the grave victoriously, if we could just learn to rest in Him and see His victory as our victory, it is His gift to us. We don’t become like Jesus by trying or striving, we become like Him effortlessly when we put our eyes on Him and His finished work at the cross and then by beholding Him we are transformed from glory to glory. I am praying that we would all take our eyes off of ourselves and others and put them on Jesus. May God bless you all and Beth and Gay and everyone at LPM.

  50. 400
    Rachelle says:

    When I read this my mind hopped immediatley to Ecclesiastes. I cycle trhough my own set of trials Specifically, the death of my mama when I was 21, 16 years ago. It seems this time of the year my emotions get the better of me. And I keep thinking, “shouldn’t I be over this?!”, “What’s wrong with me?!” but there it is, raw emotion, deep undeniable missing. Oh Heaven, how we yearn for you. When all things will be right and the trials will be over. Come quickly Lord Jesus.
    Praying for all of you.
    Rachelle in NM

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