Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 451
    Sharon Telfer says:

    Yes, Beth, all our stories are still being written. I too believe that God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all and use all. Thanking Him that He never gives up on us. On my knees holding Gay and you and your family and ministry before the mighty throne of God.

  2. 452
    jeanette dahm says:

    Dear Beth, So sorry to hear that your sweet sister and family are suffering a hard time right now, I pray that you are all able to draw from the living water of God’s well that you have so deep in your heart. You have given millions of women hope in God’s grace that we are reminding you of that right now. You and your family are surrounded by a hedge of protection from all of our prayers right now. Abide in the God of the universe and know the rest under His Wings. Love from one of your sisters in Christ huddled under the wings of our father. Jeanette

  3. 453
    Amanda says:

    I hope it’s okay to say this…. This whole thing really makes me mad!!! Why is it that we have to hide and pretend that life really doesn’t happen? The devil is lashing out against Gay and Beth and their families because of how they are speaking out agianst him and his ways. The truth of the scriptures ring true in my heart with each passing moment. The devil comes to “kill, steal and destroy.” And, boy he does everything he can to do those things. Let’s quit pretending that he’s not out there. Let’s fight him with the tools God has given us!!! I no longer want to allow him to steal from me!!! Lord, continue to help us fight this battle that we know you have already won. We know that there will be many casualities and injuries in the process, but allow us to lift one another up and help each other heal in a way that will GLORIFY YOUR KINGDOM!! Let us win others by our response to one another. Surrond all these godly women with your presence and continue to remind us that your power is SO MUCH GREATER!!!

  4. 454
    Cynthia says:

    Beth….thank you for sharing your life with us. It touches me so deeply as my family is going through some very devastating situations right now as well. Life on this Earth is just plain hard. It’s so easy to feel knocked down. I will be keeping you in my prayers and pray victory for all. Love your sweet spirit and honest heart.

  5. 455

    I know that this must have hurt way down deep to write this …not knowing how it might be received. But let me assure you…we DO know you well enough to know your heart! So thank you for trusting us with it!

    We love you Beth!

    Marilyn…in Mississippi

  6. 456
    Michele says:

    Mama Beth, Gay, we are praying.

  7. 457
    Kat says:

    I’m so sorry for whatever all of you are going through, and I will be praying! I’ve been married to a struggling addict for 12 years, had an alcoholic father-in-law and also an addicted father, sooo…let’s just say I can relate 🙂 ! The heartbreak that comes for both the addicted and the ones who love them can be tremendous but I am so grateful that God’s got my back, He has seen me through when I’ve felt abandoned, judged, and hopeless and, I know, you know He will see you through too! I love that you said the is always another chapter, I am holding on to that and believing it with you! Your ministry has been a lifeline for me. I have 2 quotes from James taped up above my sink. “Wait on the Lord and set your mind on His Faithfulness!” and “It’s not until the hearing turns into doing that believing leads to blessing”. Thank you for being real.

    • 457.1
      Kat says:

      I just want to add, after reading the post again…Several years ago my husband underwent a radical transformation doing a stint in rehab and I was sure the Lord told me that I wouldn’t have to go through what I’d been through with him again. Sadly, I have been through it again, many times over. I was mad, frustrated, and hurt. I desperately wanted him to have the Damascus Road experience so many others claimed to have had and never look back, but he didn’t. All that to say, I know the disappointment you guys are feeling, whatever the problem may be. No setback can steal God’s Glory in the end and that’s where my hope is…He will use everything for good.

  8. 458
    Grandmamitz says:

    I have no words to say but know my heart is with Gay, you Beth, the ministry and your family. God is working!

  9. 459
    Naomi says:

    Dear Sister Beth, Lifting you and Gay up in prayer, and all of the sisters at Living Proof. Our God is faithful. Mercy triumphs indeed. Jesus is Victor. Much love. Naomi.

  10. 460
    Terry says:

    Dear Beth and Gay, may the Lord be a Shield around you. As others have expressed, we all know that Christ reigns victorious! But even knowing it does not lessen the heartache. My own family is currently in the midst of a crisis involving my younger sister and her sudden and unexpected desertion of her husband and four sons. “Our Hope is in YOU, Lord, all the day long…”

    Praying Psalm 121 over Gay and my sister and both our families, and claiming two of my favorite words in Scripture, “BUT GOD!”

  11. 461
    Jill says:

    It is so strange how attached I am to all of the Siesta’s in Siesta World. To think that I care deeply for people I have-and may- never meet face to face this side of heaven is amazing in and of its self. Gay being no exception. Therefore, I will pray for Gay, Beth and all of their families, because I love y’all so much.
    Proverbs 3:25-26 (NLT)
    25 You need not be afraid of sudden disaster
    or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,
    26 for the Lord is your security.
    He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

  12. 462
    Breahn says:

    I just want you to know my prayers are with yall… and ohhh do I ever know how messy it gets… the devil is so so mean. I love you all so much.
    ♥♥♥Breahn Royal
    White Oak, Tx.

  13. 463
    Priscilla Hanson says:

    I pray that the Lord will bless Gay in whatever way she needs it. Her story was such a blessing to do many of us. I pray that our prayers can be a blessing to her as well!!

  14. 464
    Sandra Hanrahan says:

    Praying for you and your family, it is all I can do to give back to you, even though it feels like it is not enough after all that you have pour spiritually into my life and the lifes of thousand women and some brave men, much love and hugs,

    He who has began a good work will be faithful to complete it, in Jesus mighty name, amen.

  15. 465
    Cheryl Hinerman says:

    So thankful that His mercies do triumph and are new every morning. Prayers and much love to our Living Proof family.

  16. 466
    Mia Ogden says:

    Dear Sweet Beth,

    Lord knows the kind of love and bond of sisters- love for a sister is like no other. Even though you and your precious sister are walking through something only you and her can share, know to the depth of your being that your sisters in Christ are fighting for you both. When you are too weak and broken, we will cover you. We will fight for you and for Gay in prayer. We love you both unconditionally. I pray that the Almighty God will flex His muscles and show us He is our strength and song.

    “The people who survive the sword will find favor in the desert; I will come to give rest to Israel. I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I WILL build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.” Jeremiah 31:2-4

  17. 467
    The Apple of His Eye says:

    My heart breaks with you. We do not need details and that you even shared this speaks tantamount to your quest for being “real” and being transparent. Thank you for that. You honor us with your trust. And we love still – with the unconditional love that has been passed on from our Father….we are all broken, but still beautiful. He sees that always…..and hopefully, most of the time, we pass that same unconditional love unto others. Be blessed by His strong, loving arms holding you tight and the peace that surpasses all comprehension as we thank Him, even in this moment. Because He is already working to make it beautiful and of eternal value.

  18. 468
    Teri says:

    I read your book “Praying God’s Word” whenever I am struggling with a stronghold and the phrase “God’s supremacy versus God’s sufficiency” always always echoes in my mind. Just prayed for Gay and whatever she may have experienced.

  19. 469
    Lynne says:

    Thank you for being so real. My heart is with yours and your family. I will be praying for you to our Almighty God who loves us so much we can’t even imagine it. He has already used Gay to bless us and He will again. He is faithful. God’s rich blessings and healing to you.

  20. 470
    Pam says:

    Beth, love –

    We love you because never once have you let us believe that you, anyone in your family or ministry walks on water. Nor do you let us believe we do either. You always point us to The One who does walk on water. And I know that I know that I know your heart is true.
    My heart breaks with yours over this situation. Much prayer is being said on your behalf and Gay’s.


  21. 471
    Toni Rath says:

    Oh Beth, my heart weeps for whatever it is that God is taking you and your dear sister though. God is always good, always working according to His good purpose, all because He loves us so much.
    I have just started Mercy Triumphs. I have delighted in the word of James for a few years now and was so excited to see that you and Melissa did this study. I wept discovering that Jesus has a plan for His natural family, His resurrected family. I have prayed off and on for the last 19 years for my mom’s salvation. God has been kind to give me insight into how she lives through her woundedness and has given me His eyes to love her, to break off generational vows, and live a life that exemplifies Jesus as my great Savior. I now pray more fervently for her salvation and to be overwhelmed with His Grace. I know that unraveling the wounds that life and the enemy has bound her with will not be pretty or easy, but oh how I will ever more praise Him when she Believes!
    Thank you for your obedience, your honesty, your great gift from God as a teacher. I will be on my knees for your continued journey with your sister. Hugs to you, from one of your spiritual sisters in the one and only, Jesus Christ.

  22. 472

    Dear Beth,
    Your tender words reflect God’s tender heart towards us all, including Gay. We really do have clay feet and walk this journey one step at a time. Sometimes it seems like a mine field. The other day, the Lord brought to my attention a particular word in a verse I had read so many times before. It leapt off the page and took me by surprise. Here is the verse: 2 Samuel 22:1 “David sang to the Lord the words of this song when the Lord rescued him from the power of all his enemies, including Saul.” The NET Bible. The word which so impacted me was “POWER” with capital letters. Even when I am surrounded by the enemy and the works of the enemy, He can and will rescue me from their power. In its simplicity, it was such freedom to me. I didn’t have to wait for the enemy nor his works to be removed from my midst before I can be free from their power. Oh glory to God! It will be my prayer for Gay.
    Much love to you, sweet Siesta Mama. HE IS ABLE!

  23. 473

    I want to kick Satan in the teeth. I just kept thinking “I’m not suprised one bit he’d come after Gay in a ferocious way after all the good her story has done. And as a way to get back at/discourage Beth too.” He hates us so much. I agree with the commenter above who said THIS IS WAR! For real, ladies.
    I’ve felt it in my own life just this last month or so when since January I committed to praying for 30 minutes a day. All was well and good until it started changing me and the others around me in God’s power.
    Satan drew his arrows and shot them straight at my heart. So much so that yesterday and the day before that, my hearbreak was so acute I didn’t pray. I just couldn’t.
    TODAY,after reading this and hating his attacks on those who are trying to live in victory SO MUCH. I WILL KEEP FIGHTNG. I WILL KEEP PRAYING. And Gay will be on my list.

    • 473.1

      Coming back to say…I did it. And praise God I prayed for protection first and didnt feel the oppression thats hovered over me for a while this time. And Gay WAS and will continue to be on my list. 🙂

  24. 474
    Melanie says:

    Beth, thanks so much for sharing from your heart. Always! You are so right when you said that life is hard, the devil is mean,the flesh is weak, but the love of God remains strong. Amen, Amen, Amen!!!!! I, too, cling to the verse in Romans 8:1. We do all have our “stuff” and our stories are still being writting. I’m so thankful that God is our author. I’ll be praying for Gay, you, and LPM.

  25. 475
    Jen H. says:

    Praying. God can make us new each day! Love you all… 2 Cor. 5:17 I have to live by this and wake up each day reminding myself of this promise. Praise God that He makes me a new creation!

  26. 476
    Kayla Moore says:


  27. 477

    I felt compelled to share this song with you which Barry McGuire sang a zillion years ago:
    By Barry Mann
    I walked a mile with pleasure, she chattered all the way;
    Leaving me none the wiser, with all she had to say.
    And I walked a mile with sorrow, never a word said she;
    But oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me.

    The frost is in the valley and the mountain tops turn grey.
    The promised buds all wither and blossoms fade away,
    Our loving Father whispers, “All this comes from my hand,
    And blessed are you when you trust, when you just can’t understand.”

    I walked a mile with pleasure, she’s chattering all the way;
    Leaving me none the wiser, with all she has to say.
    And I walked a mile with sorrow, never a word says she;
    But oh the things I learn from her, when sorrow walks with me.

    And after a life time of working, all your wealth should fade away;
    Leaving your hands all empty and your hair starts turning grey.
    Remember then our Father owns both the sea and the land,
    And blessed are you when you trust, when you just can’t understand.

    I walked a mile with pleasure, she chattered all the way;
    Leaving me none the wiser, with all she had to say.
    And I walked a mile with sorrow, never a word said she;
    But oh the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me.
    Oh what I learned from her when sorrow walked with me!

  28. 478
    Melissa Peacock says:

    Right this minute I am in the middle of another setback with family members that has many layers to it like Gay’s story. I appreciated the way you posted Beth. It allowed me a different perspective of my current setback. I am very aware we cannot see forward God’s plan and like you I am fully in blind trust and walking pure in faith with my current circumstances. Thank you for always verbalizing to the public your words are comforting to persevere in the battle of SATAN. He wants us alone to destroy our walk of faith. When you post we are not alone in our walk. Never stop being who you are a teacher and a friend to 10’s of 1000’s of strangers you will meet inheaven one day. I love you Miss Beth. Smiles Melissa Peacock – Maitland, Florida

  29. 479
    Janet from FL says:

    Beth, thank you for showing integrity in this situation. Gay’s healing from addiction is still true. Any addiction is a life long battle. Each day we must make choices, and sometimes we make a wrong choice, but there is always a chance to correct it, and make the right choice tomorrow. I pray along with the rest of the siestas, that Gay will hear God’s voice calling to her with love and mercy — “Gay, my child, come back to me. I love you.” God’s light shines in every darkness, and He will not abandon Gay. I also pray that God send angels to protect Gay and comfort her, as she continues to fight this demon of addiction.
    Love to you Beth. Jesus will strengthen you. Don’t give up.

  30. 480
    Chrystie says:

    I was saddened as I read your post this morning. I could feel the heaviness of your heart through your words. I will be praying for you and Gay and the rest of your family, sweet Mama Beth.

  31. 481
    Kay says:

    Thank you for your transparency and tenderness. I know it is hard to be in the public spotlight when things in families do not always go according to script. Don’t need to know a thing. Suffice it say I am praying for you and your family…for wisdom, grace, endurance, victory. Also, I’ve been there.

  32. 482
    Monica Smith says:


    I lift up you, your sister Gay, your family and ministry. Your message seeks and gives grace to those in need. Thank you for reminding us that we are all human and that without God we cannot live in this world on our own. We all have setbacks, unforeseen circumstances and just plain junk that the enemy enjoys breeding. But God loves us with an everlasting love that NEVER fails. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us and He promises to hold our right hand in His.

    I pray Gay leans on Him and that He will continue to cover and keep her. There is no other place for us to stand but in Him.

    In His name,

  33. 483
    Cindy says:

    Oh mama Beth,
    Sometimes even those of us who minister to others need to be ministered to. Your authenticity never ceases to amaze me. You and your family are on my heart. I am so sorry for the hurt in your life and in Gay’s life. My sister in Christ, I am present for you before Jesus.

  34. 484
    Michele says:

    Oh Beth – please know that we here in cyber land are embracing you with our love and support. Gaye’s account of her journey blessed my life tremendously and will continue to do so.

  35. 485
    MIchele says:

    I don’t know the details of what your sister is going through. I have been “meeting” her for the first time as we work through the James study (one week of homework left!). I know you through years of watching your studies, and while that isn’t a true friendship, I think I know at least what your heart is. It shines from every word you teach.

    I think the thing I would like to say is this, all of us know how messy life can be. We ride a roller coaster of joy and pain, success and failure, and even times where we are on the path God has laid out for us and others when we are so far off track we have forgotten there was a path to begin with. Sadly, for me I sometimes learn the biggest lessons and lean on God the most when I can’t see the path. When I realize I am lost in the wilderness and I am sure there is no way home. You would think I would remember those times! That I would stay on the path from that point on, always leaning on God, drawing nearer to Him and rejoicing in the walk, but I don’t. I get distracted and wander, I put myself in a position where someone has the ability to knock me off the path, or I have moments where I am just not vigilant to where I am leaving my walk an easy target for the enemy. But God is faithful. Even my failure He NEVER fails. He never gives up on me, even when I have given up on myself. He won’t give up on your sister either.

    Please know your entire family will be in my prayers always. You are much loved.


  36. 486
    Mary Snyder says:

    Oh Beth my heart aches for Gay and for you. The enemy is vicious but the Lord is good. He will restore ALL! And I won’t press for details and I pray that all around you and Gay will give great grace. Who am I to judge anyone, I’m just a hot mess of insecurity with a past that would curl your hair….but I’m also forgiven and blessed beyond measure.
    I’m praying for God to bring clarity, strength and healing. I’m asking that His great love overwhelm the situation and every single person involved. Be strong in Him.

  37. 487
    Kim Ulkekul says:

    SO praying the power of the One who won victory for all of us, every day, long ago. My heart is so full for you Beth, and for Gay. And everyone else who loves her like you. God has this too. None of it happens without His permission. That His will would be done and that Gay would never let go, never give up, no matter the fall. Oh, that His power be evident. What a great community. Everyone’s comments and prayers here are so honest and right. Praying with all of you.

  38. 488
    Kelly Watson says:

    I will be praying for Gay and her walk with the Lord and battles with the flesh. We are here to love, encourage, and lift each other up, and that is what we will do for Gay, you Beth, and your staff. Please know that you all are wrapped in prayer.

  39. 489
    Sally Denton says:

    Prayers and understandings of unspoken words but God in the midst.

  40. 490
    Julie says:

    It’s not over! Praying for you all … I love you!

  41. 491
    sharon jenkins says:

    Praying for you and Gay.. for your family.
    God is @ work no challenge is to challenging for Him.
    He meets us where we are. Luke 1:45 Blessed are those that believe that what the Lord has said to them will be accomplished! Believing God for you all today

  42. 492
    Sheryle says:

    So sorry for this blow in Gay’s life. I was so encouraged by her words and it was breathtaking to see all that the Lord has done and is doing in her and through her. Will be praying for her and for you, Beth. She is a precious life and God is working on her behalf.

    Love to you.

  43. 493
    Donna Heaney says:

    I will be on my knees for you all. My heart breaks for Gay – I’ve been there. I am still there only an arms length away but by the grace of God. There aren’t words to convey how much her story has touched my life, how much your ministry has touched my heart and soul Beth. I was there at Living Proof when you spoke about your sister and all that love, faith and just pure ‘God’ came right through you. Your words went straight to my heart and in that moment I started to pray for Gay and have not stopped. Gosh I just want to hug you all through this computer. I’m sitting here in tears and I don’t even know what’s going on but I know that life can be so hard sometimes and that when you all hurt so do I. That’s the power of prayer. It binds us through the miles, over the internet, through heaven’s veil. I am truly sorry from a really deep place within for all that you are going through. The Lord knows. He sees. He heals. And He will. You know that but I just needed to write/say it. Out loud. I’ll be proclaiming His hope, His promises, His mercy and grace for you all. Loudly. Sending you those giant hugs, I hope you can feel them across the miles. Love you, Donna

  44. 494
    MrsRitz says:

    I am in tears. I am crying out on Gay’s behalf that God will, by His grace, use this “hard blow” that the enemy meant for evil for GOOD. Beauty from ashes is real, may it continue to be a reality in Gay’s life.
    I read each installment that she wrote and never commented. I just took it all in and blessed the Lord for it and forwarded it on to my church family and those I knew would be blessed by it.
    I’m commenting now. Gay, let God’s grace wash over you. His mercies are new EVERY MORNING. You are deeply loved. You are more than this hard blow. You always have been. You always will be.

  45. 495
    Peggy says:

    My heart breaks for your family. Thank you for your openness and honesty. This whole week I have been meditating on the absolute certainty that in our weakness HE is made strong. Dealing with similar family issues and know how discouraging this can be, but he has a plan and he is working it out. Gay you are loved never ever forget that ,by us but most importantly by our Lord and Saviour. You are valuable and precious!!!!!

  46. 496
    Ashley says:

    You and your e-n-t-i-r-e family are terribly loved around here. Praying for you all. May Jesus be exalted. <3

  47. 497
    Meg says:

    No one writes as passionately, humorously, and as powerfully as you do, so this will not do you justice, but please know all of us are praying for you, Gay and your family. She has touched countless people and hearing of other “untidy” lives, is a reminder that we’re all God’s creatures and if he didn’t untidy us, how would he strengthen us? My love goes out to all of you. Your honesty and vulnerability in all that you write, is what keeps all of us coming back. Thank you! God bless!

  48. 498
    Sandy Bowers says:

    Sweet Siesta Mama, Please know that you and Gay, and your families are in my prayers and in my heart. I love you so much and pray that God will reveal his plan sooner rather than later.

    I am so blessed to be part of this sisterhood! Sending hugs today and every day.

  49. 499
    Lynda says:

    Beth – You have encouraged so many with your words and ministry. Gay’s testimony glorified God in each installment. But none of our stories is fully revealed yet. We are all as yet unfinished masterpieces and only God sees the final picture. I pray for your peace and stamina as you, your sister and your families continue the race. God is faithful. I’m praying for you.

  50. 500
    Roberta says:

    Dear Beth & Gay,

    You are loved and I am praying for you both right now! Gods word says “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

    All praise and glory to God for his love, mercy and grace. He will never leave you or forsake you. What glorious promises from his word.

    I am reminded of the song “He’s still working on me”.

    God bless you Gay, I am holding you up to the Throne of grace!

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