I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.
My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.
But her story goes on.
And so do the rest of ours.
And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.
I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.
We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.
And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”
I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.
I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.
You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.
With much love,
Beth
Oh dear sweet friend, I am praying for you and for Gay, I am so angry with the enemy right now! Gay and her story touched a special place in my heart and I have shared it with so many in hopes that they would see how faithful our God is, how lavishly He loves, and how His timing is always perfect. I will continue to pray that our Faithful Father will do what He does and continue the work in Gay, and in us and that it will be more than we could ask or imagine.
I am so thankful for your authenticity, I have felt like such a weakling lately. I am in the process of trying to prepare messages for our annual ladies retreat, and circumstances in my own life have captured my focus in such a way that it is hard to pray, hard to read/study, and so hard to “feel” His presence. My heart knows that He is there, my mind knows all the right things to say, all the right scriptures to claim,but in dealing with the situation around me. I still don’t feel like I am “real”. To read your post today gives me a reminder that we all do struggle and that the battle is ongoing. Thank you.
I am so thankful that He knows my heart, that He knows my anxious thoughts and that He loves me lavishly anyway!! The theme God gave me for our ladies retreat is Conquering our Fear and Preparing for Battle. I am quite sure that the battles around me are preparation for this, I am just holding on to see what He will lead me to next.
Thanks again sweet Beth for always sharing with us the way to live this Christ-following life out there on the pavement. I love you and I will continue to lift you, Gay and the whole LPM ministry time up to our great Father.
Oh, Mama Beth,
You KNOW we love you. You know we love what you love. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I don’t care what has happpened, it’s your flesh and blood hurting, so I know you’re hurting.
And we’re hurting for you.
I was just thinking this morning, “Lord, will I ever be free from this constant temptation to return to my pit?” I toy with my pit, I miss my pit. And when I step into ministry, the devil sends extra forces of evil to trip me into my pit.
Who am I but for the grace of GOD? I know where I came from, Beth, an entire country of pits. How could I ever look down on someone, my eyes were level with the bottom of my pit.
I’m praying for a covering for you, your family and your sister. I’m praying for the ‘grace, by which I’m saved’ to be your shield, the LORD to be your rock, and the Holy Spirit, your protector and your defender. Praying for you and yours all day today.
Don’t listen to my words, hear my heart.
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Is. 41:10
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you. Is. 43:2
Beth, Gay and Living Proof Staff-
Praying for you….standing in the gap.
love you VERY much, Jill
My heart hurts for you and your family. I will be praying for all of you.
Beth, one of the things I admire about you is your honesty. It’s one of the things that makes your ministry so effective. Gay, too, was honest in her writing and I am sure that she ministered to many people through her story.
I believe that as a result of your authentic example, when people on this blog say that they are praying for you, it is not something they SAY, but something they DO. I hope that you, as well as Gay, can take comfort and find strength in the many prayers that are being offered up to our Heavenly Father.
amen Miss Beth… “from our knees”.
Beth, I keep the following quote at work on my bulletin board so I can be reminded of it often:
“There is many a brave soul sorely pressed by temptation, almost ready to faint in the conflict with self and with the powers of evil. Do not discourage such a one in his hard struggle. Cheer him with brave, hopeful words that shall urge him on his way. Thus the light of Christ may shine from you.” –Steps to Christ, pg. 120
May we all remember that until Jesus comes, we are finite flesh. I’ve appreciated your ministry, Beth, for a long time. This is my first time to omment. My heart aches for all of you. I am anxious to see God receive glory again through Gay’s story.
The thing about addiction is that it blindsides everyone involved. Just when we think our loved one has overcome, it pulls the rug right out from under us. God promises that He is all sufficient for our needs, but how difficult to rest on that promise when the desires of our flesh are so strong? I am in week 4 of “A Woman’s Heart, God’s Dwelling Place” and there is a sentence in one of the last paragraphs that say that it is our flesh that we struggle with more than the devil himself…because it’s harder to fight our wants and desires than evil because we LIKE ourselves and hate evil. My family has been going down this road of addiction with my uncle and his story is just as volatile as I’m sure Gay’s is right now. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking all at the same time. When my uncle is “back in the cycle of alcoholism”, I just keep remembering Jeremiah 29. God has a plan and a purpose for all of us AND he promises to work it all for good…somehow.
Hang in there and keep your head lifted to Heaven. He’s smiling on you.
“Life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.”
I want to remember these words every day, Beth. I want to shout them out! The love of God is BIGGER than my enemy, even when my enemy is me.
Beth, I am praying for you and your whole family. We are all works in progress. I know your heart is breaking…. but God is close to the broken hearted. He will turn “even this” into something good because He promised to.
Tears are rolling, my heart is hurting but my joy is found in Christ. I know He is able and will do a great work in this circumstance. The end is not yet here but hold fast to the promise that the blessing will come. May God give you a Spirit of peace even in the midst of this trial.
Dear Precious Beth,
You are so right – not one word you and Gay have shared has been diminished. God was in that testimony. Life is real, and it can be real hard. That’s why we all need our Savior. I know your heart is heavy and grieving over this possible setback, but we will believe for your beloved Gay, as we believe for our own Dear Ones that a setback is also an opportunity for God to do something big! I’ll be lifting you and your family, and your sweet sister Gay in prayer to the one who eases our burdens. “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30). We can be comforted that God will not give up on us. I pray this Word will encourage you: “…He devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.” 2 Sam 14:14. He will not stop devising ways for your beloved Gay. My Dear Sister, Surely, there is not one of us that cannot relate to this grief. For you, for your family, for Gay, “joy cometh”. Hold fast, Dear Beth. “Joy cometh.” Even in such a time, God shall be Gay’s rear guard. (Isaiah 58:8) Much love and prayers, Rhonda
I’ll be including Gay and your family in my prayers. I’m leading the James study with several women in my church now and we just listened to your message regarding attending lots of studies but staying stuck because you heard and didn’t act. I counted, and over the past 6 years, I have down 14 studies, many of them yours. I still have my stuck places; but I also have a much stronger relationship with the One responsible for all my ‘unstuckness.’ Sometimes even when you act, you slip. But I think having known success and having grown in your relationship with Christ can be a powerful tool to bringing you back and getting you unstuck again.
Gay did a courageous thing by opening up to the world with her journey and her struggles and proclaiming the power of God. Clearly, the Enemy was not pleased. I have learned from both you and Priscilla that sometimes struggles int he time of great success reminds us that we were on the right track because we’ve garnered the attention of the enemy. Gay is stronger because of her family and her faith; this will help her through her struggles. We’ll be praying for you all.
Oh, sweet Beth! My heart breaks along with yours. I needed this post for two reasons:
1. My sister has returned to drugs and is back in jail for a second time facing charges that may be much worse this time around. Gay’s posts had encouraged me dramatically that God is never, ever done working on us and I have clung to that hope for my sister. I will continue to hope and pray for both of our sisters – desiring victory while they are here on this Earth for them both!
2. And, secondly, I have been facing temptation in an area I have struggled with in the past again lately. I will more fervently guard my fences and keep my boundaries high. I DO NOT want to fall or fail again – and yes understand I am capable of anything. I will unashamedly hit my knees asking God to make me wise and armed. New boundaries begin IMMEDIATELY in my life – because of your life, Gay. To His glory!!! No condemnation here!
Thank you for your “realness”!! I’m praying!
No condemnation from this wretched sinner, I have slipped back into my pit (sometimes I have jumped back with both feet) more times than I can count! Our Heavenly Father knows how often but yet He is so lovingly full of Mercy when He pulls me back out He unconditionally wraps His loving arms around me. I will be praying for Gay.
My prayers and love to my sister gay and to your whole family Beth. Sending you all so much Love.
I Love You too Beth. Thank you for loving me, I love your blog, you have a way of making me feel cherished as a Child of God.
Thinking of you and your family. Praying!
Psalm 91:10 “No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent.”
This is so sad and disheartening. I am sorry to read of this turn of events. I have been sad all day ever since I read this earlier this morning.
Praying for Gay, Beth and all your family. The Lord knows….
Gracious, Most Merciful LORD,
Be with Gay and use every means that opens her eyes and restores her to fullness in You. Her joy and her freedom is in you and she knows that. The devil knows our vulnerabilities and he has certainly had his way with her for way too many years. It’s time he is cast as far as the east is from the west and no longer has any hold on her dear life, LORD! We pray that you restore a right spirit within her. Give her double for her trouble. Her writings and her recovery have surely changed lives. The unabashed love she expresses for you and is received from you is still alive in her today. Praise God! You are as close as our next breath.
Lord, her sister, Beth is grieving this backslide. She is surely favored by you. You must delight in all that makes her who she is. We, her sisters in Christ, see she is chosen by you to deliver your Word to the masses and we are changed forever. You are our Rock and our Refuge. I know that Gay and Beth and all whom they love are in the shelter of Your mighty wing. We trust in your plan and your perfect timing. May you be swift to answer our prayers for safety, restoration, comfort. Abolish fear! Let Your Very Presence be palpable in their every moment. Save her, Lord. It is with great urgency that we come to you on their behalf. We are so privileged to call you, Abba Father. Release Gay and any who read this prayer, from their strongholds, never to be assailed by them again! It’s time for the women of your church to walk in victory! Let it be so, Lord.
In the mot mighty name above all names, Jesus, we pray. Amen
We love you LORD!
Amen and Amen. Let it be Lord in your name, let it be.
I ache with deep remorse! I Love you love you love you and your entire family!! I will continue to pray for Gay and for your heart as you walk this season through!
Hello Beth,
Praying for Gay, you and all of the Siestas. You are right our stories are still being written. The beauty of it all is that we know the victory that comes in the end. Eternity with our loving Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Blessed be the name of the Lord. He is our deliverer, our strong tower and the one in whom we put ALL of our trust. God bless!
Sincerely,
Jamison
He will be with you and loved ones even when the mountains give way and the waters are too deep or the fires rage out of control….nothing is too big for our BIG GOD! Praise him for his faithfulness, even when we are not! I am praying for you and that today, God’s presence is made known and that you are surrounded with a peace that can only come from God. Lifting prayers for Gay! I have loved her transparency and amazing love of God and life in all her writings. You are my sweet sisters whom I love! Praying for you all! See you in Boise, Idaho!
Gay,
You are so loved. So so dearly loved.
On my knees in prayer for you sister.
Allison
Dear Beth,
I just viewed the blog, after having been away for a couple of weeks. There is a lot of heaviness of heart in recent posts. Thank you so much for being honest about your and your family’s lives. I believe that our God wants us to be this honest and transparent with one another. Thanks be to Him that He is bigger than our failings, our sin. Thanks be to Him that He knows every part of us and loves us beyond anything we can imagine. I am praying for all of you during particularly difficult times.
Praying and Thanking God for you and your family.
I once heard someone wise say that often times Satan attacks us right after a huge Spiritual uplift as a way to try and tear us down.
Gay, don’t let whatever this is keep you down. Rise up, CONQUER! We’ve got your back in prayer sister! FIGHT! And know you are LOVED right through this!
Yep! We are just going to have to draw our swords on this one and get to praying!!!! There will be good come of this I just know.
Yes sister, draw our swords and PUSH BACK! Amen!
As a women whom has been snared by satans lies more then I have fingers to count with I can say with absolute resolution that GOD PREVAILS. I’m now blessed to lead a bible study a couple nights a week within the concrete walls of sisters that are now held captive as consequence to bad choices. Within that jail over and over i hear how it WAS believed they had gone too far, messed up one too many a time, only to watch with mine own eyes as GOD draws them near, heals and restores them. There is never a too far from God place. GOD PREVAILS.
hi miss beth,
i know you get a lot of comments on here but i am just so sorry. tears poured as i read your entry….know i’m praying, and so are countless others. love her and you too!
Thank you, Jen.
Praying for you guys during this difficult time.
Praying for Gay. Just know that Satan tries his hardest To bring us down when we raise God up but that is when we need to trust God the most! You know God can bring you out of any pit, you just have to have faith. God loves you and we do too!
Beth – you are so dear to me as a conduit of GOD’s inspiration. I full on hear you and respect everything you have said. JESUS be here!
There is a song that I love we sing at church, it may very well be written by Gary Rea who sings it but it goes…
GOD in my weakness
would you be my strength
Would you take over
Would you be GOD! Would you be GOD!
GOD BE GOD.
I LOVE YOU BETH.
GAY – YOU ARE SUCH A TREASURE TO MY HEART. YOU HAVE BLESSED ME WITH TRUTHS THAT I HAVE REFLECTED ON MORE THAN A FEW TIMES.
LOVIN ON YOU IN JESUS.
M
Praying for you all.
But for the grace of God…. there go I.
Sweet Beth (& Gay) – transparency is *miracle gro* for a contagious life IN CHRIST. Bless you both, and LPM.
Outside of Christ, we are all addicts, adulterers, thieves, liars…. IN CHRIST, we are new creations!!
Love you so much!!
Prayers,… In tears as I read the loving responses to this post. I love my God so very, very much and He loves me so very, very much. Through the darkest times of my life, He has brought me safely and victoriously forth. He has shown me that I am His daughter and that He loves me!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful that He loves us all so much and no doubt would weep with us, or maybe He does weep with us, when one of His precious daughters hits a big, old, ugly bump in the road. But His faithfulness is so much bigger and so outshines our humaness. I am praying for Gay and for all of the family. I don’t know what’s happened but God does. And it hasn’t taken Him by surprise. He has the way out – reach up, sweet Gay, and take a hold of His hand and let Him pull you back up out of the miry clay. New mercies every day. Great is His faithfulness. Hallelujah, thine the glory. Hallelujah, amen. Hallelujah, thine the glory. Revive us again!!
Sweet, sweet Beth, you, Gay & all of the LPM staff are such beautiful souls! Like so many others here in this gorgeous community of people, I am praying for you all. The details are not important…just knowing there’s a very deep need here is all that matters. I stand with the many others here before our heavenly Father in prayer for you, Gay and the LPM staff. It may seem odd to some, but I dearly love you guys (although we have never met). I love the beautiful visual of climbing up into our beloved Abba’s lap & letting Him just hold us, soothe us & wait for the storm to pass under His protective wing. Hold on to that sweet sister…hold on to that.
“for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” Proverbs 24:16
Oh, dear Beth and family…hurting right along with you. In reading my way through my new NIV Bible, I see over and over where God’s people fail Him, yet He restored them through His infinte and unfailing mercy. Please know that you all are loved and so appreciated for the work you do. Praying to and rejoicing in the One Who Has Overcome the World!
I was just reading in luke 7:18-
About J the B and Jesus and thinking how here John just worn out, was sending messengers, asking, ‘you are HIM, right?’
And I was reflecting on how in the beginning John was just giddy in faith, full on ‘that’s the Lamb of GOD!’
And then things got messy and sad and rocky…and now he’s just wanting to make sure, in his weakness.
And I love JESUS, say it with me now, I LOVE JESUS
HE says, ‘messengers, YOU tell him what you have seen…miracles. The dead are raised, for crying out loud (I believe that is the original hebrew.)
We get worn down. BUT HE IS STILL GOD.
He is the same yesterday today and forever.
Yeshua The Messiah; He is yesterday, today and forever.~Aramaic Bible in Plain English (©2010)
My prayer for you all today, with much love:
Romans 15:13 Amp
May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.
I love that!
Praying with tears, but firmly believing this “sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory.”
Please, Lord.
Only God needs the details and we His sheep will gather at the gate to call all of us who wander out in the night to come home! God our shepherd will and does and has come for us and is there again; now, waiting to wrap His mighty arms around us and return us to the flock of needy, stinky sheep ; completely dependent on Him!
Oh Father please fill us with hope for a new chapter that once again testifies to Your redeeming Love!
I’m praying for u, Beth!
Debra from Arkansas
That is beautiful
Sweet Gay – you are being lifted up by so many sisters. I pray that God holds you extra close right now. You aren’t alone!
Beth…..May God hold you and your entire family in the shelter of His wing. Your post said it best and only
God knows the ending of our stories and how each individual event will bring us closer to Him and bring glory to His name. I am so blessed to see so many siestas
praying for you, Gay and your family. We need to pray for each other, we all struggle in our own ways and need
the Holy Spirit to keep us strong and on the right path.
Your ministry and Bible Studies have changed my life, you encourage women to know and love Him. Blessings and uplifting to your Spirit! Prayers continue. love,jg
Oh, I’m so sorry! I too have shared Gay’s story with many people, and I believe that God is going to have the final word in her story. Praying for all of you!!
You are ALL so LOVED.
May the power of our prayers and our sweet and beloved Jesus be exalted in this storm, forever and ever amen. We are claiming healing, restoration, forgiveness, and rest over your hearts, minds, bodies and souls. In Jesus’ name and by His redeeming blood alone we pray. Amen.
Austin, TX
My heart aches for all of you. You and yours will be surrounded by our love and prayers.
Terri
Beth, thank you so much for your honesty, and for always being willing to say that this Christian life is not easy. We need so much to be reminded of that always. We aren’t here to put on a show; we are here to live in brokeness in Christ, because, let’s face it, we are all broken everyday.
I am currently reading “The Ragamuffin Gospel.” One of the phrases that has been repeated several times in the last few chapters I’ve read is, “I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself.” How freeing! We don’t have to have it all together because God already knows that we don’t. We don’t have to expect that others will have it all together because God already knows they don’t. The beauty is that He loves us anyway. Wow–so humbling. Another related thought that has been on my mind lately is that we need to learn to embrace our past selves. We don’t get to be who we are today unless we are the people we were first. Similarly, we don’t get to the person we will be tomorrow without going through the trials of today.
May God hold each of you close, and may you find rest and peace curled against the chest of the one who loves you more than life itself.
Sarah
Just want you to know I’m thinking of and praying for your family. You’ve all been on my heart since I read this yesterday. Life is really hard. I’m sorry your hurting and I pray for victorious days ahead.
Beautiful Beth,
Thank You for being you. Sweet Sister I don’t know how you do what you do — it is GOD working through you know for sure. I have been deeply hurt by the snarky comments that are left on the Wednesdays with Beth FB page. In our Women of Worth topics of discussion this week focused on Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. If you don’t have this book I would love to send you one as a token of my appreciation of the countless ways you have blessed my life.
GOD desires us to live our life to the fullest potential and this requires us to go through painful pruning processes. It is so hard letting go, and we wrestle with GOD that we can fix this thing, and we hold on so very tight. What GOD has been teaching me these past couple years is the pruning process is essential for new life to grow and something spectacular to bloom. The pruning process is not about the doom and gloom, but about the Spectacular Bloom.
Sometimes there are relationships in our lives that GOD needs to snip away, sometimes it is forever, and sometimes it is for now, all for a purpose to make room for what is to bloom.
Pay no mind to the frenemies in this world. The snarky sisters that have the Jezebel Spirit residing in them. A “frenemy” is a contradiction, a counterfeit, and a deceiver.
To the Frenemies: Hurt people, hurt people, so get some healing, so you can help GOD, and be a blessing to others.
Look out for Frenemies, they are bitter, sour prickly people with problems only GOD can fix.
Matthew 7:16-20
Beth you have taught us about unwrapping the gift of Spiritual Discernment that GOD gives to us. Ignore those that are possessed with the Jezebel Spirit, you know that giving them [any] attention at all empowers them.
I am going to share with you some wisdom that I shared with our WOW Sisters this week:
A frenemy is a person with an identity crisis. They are trapped in a spiritual stronghold, and frenemies actually become a stronghold to others holding us back, taking up and wasting our time with the drama and distractions that prevent us from living in our destiny and fulfilling the purpose GOD has created us to do which is helping others that truly want & need our help.
GOD tells us to feed the hungry, and frenemies are too full of themselves, they will reject the help we give them. Instead pray that the Lord will break through to the frenemy, that Christ will break away that which causes harm & division, and that GOD will transform that person into a humble friend that is ready for help. Pray that GOD will prepare the heart of the frenemy, until then you must part from that which seeks to do you harm, by creating chaos & holding you back. Pray for the frenemy, but don’t stay with the frenemy. Pray for the frenemy, but don’t be prey for the frenemy.
I would also like to share with you what some of our Sisters refer to the “Step or Shut Up” Response to naysayers & snarky sisters and brothers.
Every leader is gifted with a certain unique purpose, and Beth certainly knows her part in GOD’s heart, and I can not thank her enough for being faithful and obedient to her calling. What she has shared with us has personally blessed me in countless ways. What she does is brings Glory to the Lord by strengthening the body of Christ. Lord help us appreciate each person’s unique calling, help us see them as you see them. Lord before we criticize someone else’s unique calling, let us make sure we have answered our own calling, and have not put You on hold. If we see something that can be added, let us realize that we are the ones to add it.
♥ Anissa