Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 751
    Eposi says:

    Ms Gay, please don’t give up HOPE. We are fighting for you on our knees even if you don’t feel like you have any more fight in you. Your sisters are carrying you to the throne of GRACE where we might find MERCY in time of need. Remember the paralytic and his four friends? Picture yourself being carried to Jesus, sister. Except this time it is more like hundreds of friends. Hold on to hope!!!

    Ms Beth and family, I am praying for you all. Love you!

    • 751.1
      Gay says:

      Oh Eposi, I have so not given up hope! Jesus is Hope!! Although I have stumbled, I assure you that BECAUSE of Him, this community, my beloved Mercy Street family and my family, boys included, I have not fallen back down the black hole of despair covered up with shame. Nope, not doin’ it … because today I don’t have to. Jesus died so that I don’t have to. I find that to be about the coolest thing EVER!! I have bounced back incredibly quickly, not unscathed, I might add, but a HUGE improvement over any past stumbles — because of His love, BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE. I’m not perfect but more a work in progress. If I was closer to perfect I expect He wouldn’t pursue me so relentlessly. I’ll be back here soon … when its time … His time. Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming! I’ve got a long way to go.

      I love you all so very much. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for loving me as well.

      Loved you are,

      “Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
      Though I have fallen, I will rise.
      Though I sit in darkness,
      the Lord will be my light.” Micah 7:8 NIV

  2. 752
    Hilda Simmons says:

    How true! Our story isn’t over until the Lord calls us home and a new life really begins.
    Praying for Gay and all concerned.

  3. 753
    MBeck says:


    My heart broke reading this loving message. I, too, have a sibling that kept falling into his dark past with addiction. In 2005, he went on to a better place. Sadly, he was alone and not found for 3 days. I pray and love you through this time with your sweet sister as, unfortunately, I wasn’t where I should have been w/my God at the time and didn’t have the right heart to pray through such a tumultuous time.
    Your sweet spirit and loving heart was God given to love on your sweet sister despite the hardships and back steps. God will see her and your family through this.
    Such an inspiration Gay is to women around the world now. What a testimony she is/has been to help others seek God.

  4. 754
    Nita Daniel says:

    Standing in the gap for sweet Gay our God is able to restore any brokenness. Praying for her and believing God for the mighty work she will be doing for the Kingdom.

  5. 755
    maria says:

    May you all find peace

  6. 756
    Lynn says:

    So appreciate your sharing, Beth, and for being real. Will be lifting up Gay and those who love her in prayer- the enemy is fierce but our Lord has overcome.

  7. 757
    Olda says:

    Praying for all. Yes, we are all a work in progress. God has begun that work! Let us join hearts and minds in prayer.

  8. 758
    Georganne says:

    I want to let you know that I, also, am praying for you and your family. Love,

  9. 759
    Keysha says:

    We will pray, Beth!

  10. 760
    Karen says:

    If Gay were to read these she would feel love and no doubt shame. I know because I would feel that way, however, her writings have place me on a path to recovery. I saw myself in every installment except being homeless. What a wake up call she placed as if she dialed right into my heart with an emergency call. I will be praying for this beloved one who is still in Christ. Nothing can take us from His hand. May she return more boldly to stomp his rotten head.

    Beth, you take care of yourself and stay prayed up with His Mighty word. You’ve never steered us wrong. It’s a process and we have to yield to this process, a hiccup always happens in the growing stages. I will be praying this morning in worship for your family.

    • 760.1

      Me, too, Karen, me too! Not every installment but the point at which she still had everything and told her husband she thought she might have a drinking problem. That was so where I was and I had to do a little more “research” (that’s what I call it. LOL) to be convinced, but I’m not sure I would have seen it before becoming homeless if it wasn’t for her story. She definitely planted a really strong seed in my mind and I love her dearly and hope she’s doing okay. 47 days sober today, in large part thanks to her story. Love you all and I’m praying so hard, you have no idea!!!

    • 760.2

      Okay, I’ll admit it, strange as it may seem, she’s become someone I consider to be a dear friend, so concerned is an understatement. I’m heartbroken for her and I don’t even have a clue what’s going on. Never met her before in my life, but I’ve been in contact and love her dearly! She was so encouraging to me in my first month of sobriety!

  11. 761


    I am praying for you all. I have been praying for both you and your sister. Perseverance mainly. Thankyou for letting us know something has happened so we can pray…I was wanting to check the blog today, and to wish you a happy Siesta Mama’s Day. I pray you are so filled with His comfort and love today. Like He’s giving you a huge HUG. Hugs from me too.

  12. 762
    Shelly says:

    My prayer for you and Gay today:

    Psalm 121
    A song of ascents (because even when our hearts are hurting and thoughts disoriented, we can ascend unto Christ, while on our knees).

    1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
    2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

    3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
    4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

    5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
    6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

    7 The Lord will keep you from all harm —
    he will watch over your life;
    8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

  13. 763
    Kim says:

    My heart broke as I read this post, and I began praying for Gay and her family and friends. Our pastor has begun a sermon series that made me think of Gay even before this post. I too have been restored by the Lord more than once and still battle with shame. I think today’s sermon is one Beth (and Gay!) should hear. I haven’t commented on a post in several years and have never recommended a sermon or book, but as I reacted to the Word of God today, I felt led to try to share this message with those who love Gay. I even hope this comment is moderated singly and not posted- I would have emailed if possible :). The website for this sermon, and the whole series is
    God Bless You and Keep You, Kim

    • 763.1
      Colleen says:


      Thank-you for bringing this sermon to us–personally need this-your church is not that far–might come visit–thank-you again.

  14. 764
    Patti says:

    Praying for you and your family Beth. Blessings. Peace.

  15. 765
    debbie says:

    GOD is not finished yet. Over and over again and again God is faithful.

    He knows we are flesh, but He who has begun a good work in us WILL continue it until the day of Christ Jesus.

    Praying with you as we wait on a fresh revelation of God’s grace, mercy, faithfulness, and glory.

    Thank you enough for being real enough to admit you and yours are just cracked jars of clay like the rest of us through which the glory of God can and will shine in His time.


  16. 766
    cathy dodd says:

    Beth, my dear sister in Christ. First of all my heart aches for you and Gay and your families. Wow, my heart is so full, I don,t even know where to start except that God is alive and is working mightly! We are clearly in a war. But praise God He has provided the war manual for the battle. and as a scripture in Psalms says, “He will carry us from strength to strength”. And yes, the wounds of battle hurt, but he is there, our Daddy, Abba Father, to wipe away the tears, to kiss the wounds, to hold our hands and to walk with us back into our destined journey.
    Thank you soooo very much for opening up your heart and pain of life to share all that God is teaching you. I know as so many people have already shared you are helping them in so many ways. Beth, you are the real macoy, you have been there and are still in the midst of battle. We need people like you to be real. For so long, I have tried to be the perfect Christian but lived in defeat. Thank you Beth, for writing “Breaking Free.” It shed so much light and gave me a better understanding on what God is doing in my own family of orgin. We come from a long line of sexual abuse, addictions of various sorts, and emotional bondages that have inertwined and effected our family tree that it,s a wonder our tree is still standing. But God is working because He has raised up different people in that tree who have their roots ingrafted in the God of the Most High, who have been washed by the precious blood of Jesus, and who drink from the word of God for wisdom and strengh and power and have found His love and are finding His love to deal with the above mentioned maladies that want to destroy our family tree. Beth, thank you thank you, thank you for listening to God and sharing your story.

  17. 767
    TCobb says:

    I’m so grateful for you…for you being real with all of us…so grateful for Gay’s story and the telling of it in this place…praying that no weapon formed against her (or any of you) will prosper and that what the Enemy intends for evil in her life, God will use for good – for His glory and for the salvation of many.

  18. 768
    Lindsey says:

    Love and prayers xoxo

  19. 769
    Jan Dean says:

    Satan just couldn’t wait to try and tarnish her powerful testimony. But the most powerful testimony of all is when God picks us up AGAIN. Praying for you all. Jan

    • 769.1
      Jan Dean says:

      Going through the many comments, my heart swells with love at the outpouring of so many prayers from this community. Beth, had you just remained silent, look at all the many prayers that would have never been raised to God’s throne on Gay’s behalf. And, you know, God knew this set-back was coming. Perhaps by getting her story “out there”, he was laying this bedrock of warriors for just this season. GOD, LET US SEE YOUR GLORY!

  20. 770
    Suzanne says:

    Beth, Thank you for sharing your heart with us.. We know that there are hills and valleys and that He goes with us through what life brings. We need to hold fast to His promises and in His time, He will reveal His perfect plan. Praying for you,Gay and your sweet family! We are crazy about you!!

  21. 771
    Karen says:

    I pray Gay will sense the power and presence of God where ever she is on her journey. Her story is being used in countless ways. Peace and Love to your family and hers.

  22. 772
    Denise says:

    My heart breaks for you all. Standing in the Gap… no condemnation here, but heartache. The roaring lion has shown up again. We know the end to the story even though each of ours are still being written. JESUS WINS!!!

  23. 773
    Stephanie says:

    Praying for the whole family. He is faithful.

  24. 774
    lavonda says:


  25. 775

    I’ve been thinking of Gay so much since we last saw each other and you briefly mentioned Gay needed prayers. I want her to know I am here for her, I care, I understand some of those temptations. The creep never sleeps but neither does Jesus. Love to you Gay!!!! Love and prayers!!

  26. 776
    Bobbie says:

    Praying for all of you. I will always pray for Gay. Because of your wonderful outpouring of love for Gay at the beginning of the study of James, I was led to pursuit a more loving relationship with my only sister. Thank you! God bless you, Beth, and keep holding on to Jesus!

  27. 777
    Sandy says:

    Beth my heart is pounding as I read these words shared, from a sisters heart that is broken. I praise God for your honesty and sincerity as we ALL do life shoulder to shoulder. No stones from this one as my story too continues to be written. Trusting that we will all rejoice as we read a happier chapter some day soon. Prayers flying high today for Gay and her family as well as yours. XOXO

  28. 778
    Rebecca in SC says:

    We are all works in progress. We are all broken vessels. We all fail. We all need God in the biggest and smallest of ways. We all wish we had it together all the time.
    Keep right on loving your sister like the dickens – God sure does. I have a sister in recovery – there are ups and there are downs. Thanks for sharing – tell Gay she is very loved and accepted and prayed for. Hugs

  29. 779
    Joy Cravens says:

    No judging here. We are praying for her!

  30. 780
    Kim says:

    I too am in the midst of a terrible storm…praying for Gay and your family. Oh that Christ will reveal his love and grace to all of us! How I long to hear His voice as I’m sure you do too! Love you Beth!!!

  31. 781
    Joann says:

    As you have said, we do not need to know the details. Our loving Heavenly Father knows. Thank you for the privilege to pray for your family.

  32. 782
    Sheri says:

    Holidays…. the really big ones that mean anything even there approach is enough to cause someone to derail themselves…we don’t mean to it just seems to be to much. I appreciate very much the compassion and understanding from LPM. Gay needs unconditional love. We beat ourselves up enough. God bless you Beth. And if not for the grace of God there go I need to be the motto of our hearts. The pain of addiction is never tidy and mercy covers a multitude of sins.

  33. 783
    Kathy Little says:

    Praying from Nehemiah 4:10 “….. The strength of those who bear the burdens is failing. There is too much rubble. By ourselves we will not be able to rebuild the wall.” Praying that God will frustrate the plan of the enemy.

  34. 784
    Elizabeth Baehr says:

    Dear Lord, please wrap your arms around this family. Give them grace. Please tuck them in the cave on the mountain and cover it with your wings. Let them feel your nearness and protection like never before.

  35. 785
    Diana Dyer says:

    Hugs and prayers

  36. 786
    B.T. says:

    Gay’s story meant so much to me as I too fight the same demons. My heart goes out to her — only by the grace of God can anyone win the battle.

  37. 787
    Becca says:

    Forgive my lateness in response. Ya’ll are in my prayers.

    I remember several years ago when Mrs. Beth said something that really stuck with me. God brings it to my mind often. It was(something to the effect of) how when praying for the protection of our children, we ought not to pray so much protection in such a way that we are limiting how God uses them for His glory. We don’t want to protect them where His glory is at stake. (Forgive me if I restated that terribly. Hopefully the gist is enough.) I’m sure there are a lot of valid prayers of protection going up that certainly NEED to be uttered. Praise God. In light of what God taught me then, I am praying that His glory would be so evident & tangible to you all amidst the struggle that it will SO be worth it. Blessings.

  38. 788
    LaRee says:

    We are all just flesh, and as you said…a work in progress. May Gay find the strength to fight the demon. Even though we are sad, we will extend grace never ending, prayers are with you all.

  39. 789
    Kelly says:

    Dear Beth and Gay,
    I just want to let you know that those words written by Gay were such a blessing to me. they gave me such hope that God would one day save my Mother, Father, and brother. I don’t know why He chose to save me and to this point not them. I had honestly believed that God just could’t/wouldn’t do it. Reading how our Lord rescued Gay from underneath an overpass after years and years of addiction was stunning! I pictured Beth on her knees over those years crying out for her sister, and the joy in finding out how He came through! It was a shining example that our God can not be put in a box. He is Mighty To Save! Nothing is impossible for Him. I can stand firm, and press on believing that He will save my loved ones, and that He will be glorified in whatever Gay is walking through right now. Thank you Gay, and thank you Beth for the living examples you are.

  40. 790
    Evie says:

    Praying for all of you. Just want to say that He will use this for His Glory. I thought I was out of my mess after 7 years only to fall hard. But you know what God has been restoring our family with His truth. I am living proof of Romans 8:28. Gay I love you with all my heart and I stand in Victory with you. This too shall pass my sister.

  41. 791
    Mimmi says:

    “… What if I stumble, what if I fall, what if I loose my step and make fools of us all. Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl….” song from Jars of Clay. I trust that Jesus’ love is carrying you and your sweet sister… No matter what. We all struggle and are overcomers in His love. step by step. From faith to faith. xx

  42. 792
    Lvmolen says:


  43. 793
    Amanda M. says:

    Praying that both you and Gay feel the overwhelming presence of the Almighty God who holds us in the palm of His hands. You are loved.
    Ps. 95:7

  44. 794
    Jane says:

    Praying for you and your whole family. My heart reaches out and my stomach churns for all of you.

  45. 795
    Lichelle says:


    With heartfelt blessings and prayers to you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us. You all are loved and cared for and all of us will stand with you to ask God to come in and do only what He can come in and do for each of us.

    We love you,

  46. 796
    Tanya Hoffman says:

    Just got to read the blog after moving to a new house the last five days.
    We are praying that God would intervene in whatever situtation as only He can do! He is the Life-Giver and Savior that does not wear out! He loves His children with an everlasting love…..praying that over Gay!
    Thank you Jesus!

  47. 797
    Jean Nealey says:

    Beth…….big hugz to you while you are going through this–I’m praising God already that he is going to get you through this time and help some others along the way. I love how everyone totally getz it that they need to pull up their “big girl panties” if they want to share in this down time with you. The world has vultures waiting for times like this, but not here. We have been taught by the Master.

  48. 798
    shannon says:

    I just stumbled on this entry that I had somehow missed before. What a poignant reminder that not a single one of us can cast judgement on another. My husband and I were just reveling in how far our Saving Redeemer has brought us over our decade together…Our lives now are barely a shadow of the misery we were before. And yet, we still have so far to go. How precious that Jesus comes straight into our lives, and starts working, and reworking, and crafting us into exactly who He needs us to be. I am living proof that He intends to use ALL things for His glory. I’ve lived just enough to know that sometimes the “all things” aren’t pretty, or neat, or comfortable, or even understandable from my human perspective. But I am oh so grateful that He’s done a good work, and He will continue to do a good work, even when I throw myself into a pit I thought I had barracaded. I’ll be praying for your sister, but I’ll also be praying for Christian women across the globe, that we might offer each other a little grace and not become discouraged. This battle isn’t over yet.

  49. 799
    Andrea Porter says:

    Lord, Gay needs you, she has had a crisis in her life recently, she needs your help. I ask that you please cover her and protect her from the evil one. I pray a circle of angels around her right now in this moment and I am commanding the Father of Lies to let go of Siesta Gay NOW, through you Lord in your power rebuke the evil one. I would like to pray scripture over her, John 6:39-40. Jesus you have said these words; “And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them to eternal life at the last day. For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life- that I should raise them at the last day.” Lord, Gay is one of yours and I know and believe your words and promises. You will not lose her to the enemy. Because as you say, “It is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me…” Grace never needs a reason. Lord, please let Gay know that all she has to do is to come back to your open arms. She is lost right now, but I believe she will find you again. Your grace springs eternal and so does your forgiveness and grace. Thank you Lord, Amen.
    Siesta Gay, you are a Marathoner. You are mind-body strong and you can do this, your family loves and supports you and all the Siestas as well. Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
    With Much Love,

    p.s. do you still want to have a strong cup of coffee with me? I am looking forward to that get together. 🙂

  50. 800
    Jill says:

    My heart and prayers go out to Gay and her whole family. Our family has loved ones that struggle with the horrible addiction to alcohol, too…So hard. “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world”. God is good. All the time.

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