Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 251
    Marcia grondahl says:

    I read your post after doing day 4 of week 6. Mercy triumphs. There is always something we can do even when we feel like there is nothing we can do. Trust, believe, and pray. It was such a great reminder for me with my family. And for yours. Love you and praying.

  2. 252
    Sharon McGee says:

    Not knowing details does not matter. Beth you have ministered to me so much in my going on a year long battle with appendix cancer. I love how real you and Gay are. It’s how I try to live my life too. My prayers are with Gay and your family. My Pastor Jay Wolf always says we need Jesus and we need each other. I am here in prayer for you all.

  3. 253
    Julie says:

    “We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.”
    Amen and amen. Praying…..

  4. 254
    Melissa Glorioso says:

    Covering you and your family in prayer.

  5. 255
    Tina says:

    Heartbroken and praying fiercely. Thanks for your honesty, Beth. I don’t have the words to tell you how much it means to me.

  6. 256
    Kelly O says:

    Beth, I don’t often post (there are so many others who do regularly) but I felt the need to this morning, to let you know that so many other families deal with a similar thing. Life is far from tidy, and it’s sometimes even sadder when we see a sudden turn when things look so good for so long.

    The verse on my heart for you and for Gay and the rest of the family is Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

    I’ve always taken that to mean it may take until the day of Christ’s coming, but that good work WILL be finished.

    Please know how very much you are loved.

  7. 257
    Tina says:

    Heartbroken and praying fiercely. Thanks for your honesty, Beth. I don’t have the words to tell you how much it means to me. I came to love and respect Gay through her installments. Still do. Praying.

  8. 258
    Deborah says:

    Dear Beth,
    I pray for Gay every day, and I will continue to do so. The Lord will bring her out of this. She has inspired so many of us dealing with addiction in our lives. Please know(and let her know) we are praying for her and your family.

  9. 259
    Kathy says:

    Oh, my heart breaks for you and Gay. But this is a testament to how powerful her testimony is if Satan is attacking her. He doesn’t want her to speak out on the strength she found in Christ. I am praying for both of you as you face this new trial. We can do all things through Him who gives us strength. I have no doubt that He will use this time to strengthen Gay’s testimony and her faith in Christ Jesus.

  10. 260
    jill_in_AL says:

    Praying for you all. May God be visible and HUGE.

    For years I’ve told my friends that Satan, in his scheming, roaming way, stalks us and finds that one little area of temptation/sin that he can ever dangle in front of us from time to time. He is stealth and cruel. We battle against a crafty foe. Every single one of us as that one little thing that is forever our Kryptonite. No judgment because tomorrow I may cave to mine.

    BUT our God is He who sits on the throne, the maker of rainbows and the One who has His children engraved on the palm of His righteous right hand.

    Love and hugs, J

  11. 261
    Dolly King says:

    In tears. I rejoiced when you rejoiced and grieve now as you grieve.

    Am at this moment preparing to go teach a Bible study at a women’s shelter in our hometown. It will be my first time and I’m very new to this particular ministry. I’m praying for a heart like his.

  12. 262
    Libby says:

    Isn’t it wonderful that we can “be confident of this, that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”
    On my knees.

  13. 263
    flip flops says:

    Dear Beth, I am praying for you and your family esp. Gay. I so appreciated her letters that she shared with all of us. That was huge.
    I think of David a man after God’s own heart. Yes, it is our hearts that speak for us. We all go through some really tough times….and it seems like the enemy is winning….but he is NOT! There is nothing that God cannot do!
    I am so thankful for you and this blog community….we pray and encourage each other in this life’s journey.
    If I were there with you right now, I would give you a huge hug and cry with you and pray with you. You are much loved my sister, my friend.

  14. 264
    Landa T says:

    Beth, we love you, too. Gay’s story truly shows God’s miraculous powers, and so does yours. Will be praying for you, Gay, and the others involved at LPM

  15. 265
    Tammy says:

    Be Loved……by Christy Nockels

  16. 266
    Catherine Westby says:

    Thank you, dear Beth, for your example of what it means to live as Christ, in the times of joy and celebration, and in the times of trials and storms. Praying for you, your family, and the LPM family as well – a hedge of protection from evil, and the comfort and love and peace that can only come from knowing and walking with our Savior Jesus.

    Your work for the Lord blesses my life, your example of living in this temporary home is a powerful witness and testimony to God’s great faithfulness, love, mercy, and grace.

    “Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)

  17. 267
    Gale says:

    Beth, I feel the hurt and pain in your entry. I feel heartache along with you, How hard this must have been to write. You lead by example through clear skies and dark. Mercy does triump for those who love the Lord. May God hold you all close now as the searing hurt is fresh and as tomorrow is on its way. Yes, prayers will be lifted for all of you. Without knowing, or needing to know details, it seems evident Gay is under attack ,Saton was not happy with her rebirth at all.
    Beth, may the Grace and Love of our Lord, Jesus Christ, lift your heart , heal pain and all concerned.
    We love you so much.

  18. 268
    Renee says:

    Gay really put herself put there. I am sure Satan did his best to knock her down. We will lift her up in prayer. Victory will be God’s again.

  19. 269
    Maureen says:

    “And, mine too”!! I love you precious Beth and your sister Gay as well!! “My God is my Rock in whom I take refuge”. Praying to the Rock!!!

  20. 270

    Praying for Gay. It is no surprise that the devil is after her, because the end of her story will be glory, and she is fiercely loved! You are too, Mama Beth.

  21. 271
    Patty Pierce says:

    Oh dear Heanenly Father be with Beth and her family right now especially with Gay. Oh Lord please orchestrate healing and redemption as only you can. Lord your mercy does indeed triumph especially over what the evil one means for our harm. Lord please give wisdom and peace to this dear family and our beloved siesta mom.

  22. 272
    Sandra Hurlbert says:

    Oh, Beth. Oh, Gay. I am so sorry for your pain. God loves all of us through every season. I grew up in a family that had STRUGGLES galore, but God was with us and HE is with Gay and with you, and with everyone who has been lifted up by the testimonies that you both have shared over the years.

  23. 273
    Tara G. says:

    Beth- just stopped to pray for you at LPM and your sister. May Truth speak into and over each of you and surround you with love and protection.

  24. 274
    Terri says:

    Oh, Beth. My own life, too, is messy. I love Jesus. I am, as I’ve told more than one person, staking my whole freakin’ life on His story being true. And I’m so glad He’s our Redeemer because I so need one. If only life were tidy but it isn’t. I hurt for you, for Gay and your family. But like you, I hope in God alone. And He will bring beauty from the ashes.

  25. 275
    Andrea says:

    I am so thankful for you, Beth, and for your willingness to be real. You have shown me so much about what it means to give your life to Jesus. God has put it in my heart in recent weeks to make it a priority to pray for my father, whose life has been ruled by addictions of one kind or another for so long that I have almost forgotten the man he used to be. I used to think that his situation was hopeless, but now know that there is nothing impossible with God. Although I do not understand the twists and turns and heartbreak of life, I stand firm with you in knowing that the story is still being written, and God has the pen firmly in His loving grasp. Praying for you and your dear sister!

  26. 276
    Shawn says:

    The enemy loves to knock us down thinking we will not rise but we belong to the One who rose again and Gay will rise again in victory through His great power. I am praying for Gay and your family.

  27. 277
    Cheri Rolando says:

    Oh Miss Beth, the only One I ever expect to “have it all together” is Jesus Christ. The longer I live the more true this is. I am praying that once again Gay will overcome whatever this new challenge is, my heart breaks for your sister and for you. I love you my teacher and Siesta Mama.

  28. 278
    Victoria says:

    Thank you for your willingness to be so open with this community! Every time I hear “Beautiful Beautiful” by Francesca Battistelli, I think of Gay! You are right Satan is mean and he seeks to destroy us. We will be praying for your family and rest on God’s promises. Mercy Triumphs! God Bless You Beth-

  29. 279
    Bonnie says:

    Beth, my heart aches for you and your family. I am praying with you and for you.

  30. 280
    Susan B. says:

    Praying for you all with much love in my heart…

  31. 281
    Cherilynn says:

    I’m a day late (as usual) but not late in God’s eyes, thankfully!
    I am praying for you, Beth, and you, Gay, and your families!
    satan tried to destroy Gay since she was so courageous and obedient in sharing her story with us

    I LOVE the quote from Beth about God not biting his nails! HALLELUJAH He knows the entire story!!

    I love you all!!

  32. 282
    Paula says:

    You know, sometimes, when we are faithful and agree to open up our lives for His glory, we are attacked the hardest. I don’t understand this, but it can be seen both in Biblical accounts as well as those of great faith thereafter. I will lift up your sister. Just as Hagar was at the well in desperation, she called her Father, “the God who sees me.” The same God sees your precious sister and continues to hold her in His hands. He is able!

  33. 283
    Suey Caldwell says:

    Trust in the Lord and do not lean on your own understanding. The Joy of the Lord is your strength.

    James 5, we must call for the church to pray. like you are doing now.

    David reminded us in Psalms not to concern ourselves with things too great for us sometimes.

    praying LOVE YOU..Happy Mothers Day Gay and Bethy
    Suey Caldwell(grin)

  34. 284
    Leah Adams says:

    Details are not needed…God knows them and He is the only one with power to do anything about anything. Praying!

  35. 285
    Jill says:

    Praying for your family; for Grace to uphold you in the storm. If life were smooth sailing why would we need God.

  36. 286
    Margie says:

    My family has been devestated by these issues as well, so I can imagine the depth of your pain. The good news is that she knows what she needs to do and is surely still surrounded by people who will help her get back on track. Certainly she has a lot of people praying for her, including me. I thank you for your honesty as well – very refreshing
    . They say alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. Seems to be true.

  37. 287
    Gayle Nault says:

    OH Beth, Of Course the devil is going to attack your family harder because you help so many get so close to Jesus. I will pray IN THE NAME OF JESUS HE WILL GET AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY NOW. Jesus saves us every day. Hugs and prayers for you from upper michigan. I have done your bible studies in my home for 4 years and it has spread to 3 homes doing the same. WE ALL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR MINISTRY XXXXXXXXOOOOOOO Gayle

  38. 288
    Larci says:

    My dear Sister, my heart breaks for you. If you only knew how similar our stories were. I will pray for Gay. Itis for freedom that Christ set her free. We will stand firm knowing we have a great Redeemer who knows the end of this story and will not let Satan snatch her for long. Until then, we wait in great expectation for the rest of her story. I love you!

  39. 289
    Diane says:

    Praying and trusting for each of you!

  40. 290
    Judy from Clarks Hill says:

    Beth, your ministry of sharing yourself, your Lord and your family is what makes the Word become real for me. I deeply appreciate and am in awe of the faith you have and live. Thank you doesn’t seem enough to say but it is from my very humble and lost heart. Blessings and healings to you and Gay and the whole family. I walk through faith with my brother, and it is HARD, but GOD IS AWESOME, and POWERFUL, all the time.

  41. 291
    Fran says:

    Oh sweet Beth…

    I am absolutely praying and praise Him for His faithfulness to pick us up when we all take those two steps back or when life simply hands us a curve ball and we don’t handle that curve ball with Christ at all. Goodness….every single one of us understand the flesh. We understand that Satan is real and at much war with us.

    There is absolutely NO condemnation or judgement from any of us. We pray without ceasing.

    Love you all.

  42. 292
    Carol from Coopersburg says:

    Love and prayers in the name of Jesus. OXO

  43. 293
    Cynthia M Evans says:

    God wins. Satan loses. The war is won. We are still on the battlefield. “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” Period.

    Praying for HIS strength and visible miracles.

  44. 294
    Amber Moon says:

    Beth, thank you for your heart for Jesus…and trust me, we know it! I thank each one of you at LPM. You all have touched so many and pointed us toward Christ!

    I will be in prayer for Gay and your family. I just watched your Life Today segment on the “healing heart” and I desperately needed Ecclesiastes 3:3. There is truly a time for everything and may God’s glory be revealed through this season, no matter how difficult.

    We all love you, your team, and your family Beth. And that most certainly includes sweet Gay!

    May God cover you with His sweet comforts.

  45. 295
    Cathy Robertson says:

    Satan is real. It’s true. The bigger truth is Jesus has won the battle and is victorious. May God bless you all during this trial and valley. Let’s cling to the King of Kings and stand on his mighty word, ask God to cover each of us in his strong armor through the Holy Spirit. We are praying alongside you Beth and ask God for Gay’s healing.
    Love, Cathy

  46. 296
    Barb says:

    Did I miss something? What happened to Gay? Is she Ok?

  47. 297
    Tina says:

    It breaks my heart to read this as if you were my own family. But actually we are family. I am praying for all of you. God is still God.

  48. 298
    Tammi Soles says:

    As I read this post this morning, I was overcome with sorrow for Gay and every person touched by her and her story. The enemy is relentless, but so is our God. Gay has been such an inspiration to so many. Her story, His redemptive story of her life, has changed lives. She has given hope to the hopeless. After reading each installment, she gave me courage to share my own story with transparency. As you stated, her story goes on. God will continue to weave a tapestry. As her sisters in Christ, we will storm the gates of heaven for her. God has not been caught off guard. He knew this was coming and He will use whatever has taken place for His glory. I know our God well enough to know that He is not finished yet!! Praying for peace, comfort, strength, and healing as you journey through the valley with Gay.

  49. 299
    Nic P says:

    Dear Sister Beth…I once slipped after 12 years clean. It was the most humiliating and frustrating place I’ve ever been. It was so much harder to get back on my feet and allow God to rebuild. Thing is, I was so ‘confident’ that I had it licked, and the devil just danced in my cockiness.

    I needed to learn that lesson, even though it was very painful. Not just for me, but those around me.

    You, are absolutely correct, we know your heart.

    We will continue to love, and pray. Made God take a swift and mighty hand to whatever forces are attacking.

    Love you.

  50. 300
    Jina Patton says:

    Beth and Gay,

    My heart is heavy for whatever the enemy is using to take you out. This battle of flesh and “jaw set as flint” is one that makes me long for Jesus to bring Heaven to Earth once and for all.

    Jesus you defeated Satan once and for all in your work on the cross and resurrection. You are seated in your heavenly realms. You are not alarmed. You see the end. Lord Jesus, in your grief over Gay will you intercede for complete restoration. Let us, as your bride, speak the scriptures of redemption God. Your hand is on Gay, you will not leave or forsake her…. Holy Spirit, reveal the false beliefs that shake Gay to her core. Put the hedge of protection you have promised all around her. God, in the midst of the pit, may she choose to come and sit with you in the presence of her enemies. God let your Words wash over her afresh and restore hope. Your testimony is never tarnished in the end God. Reveal your beautiful tapestry of grace in this situation. You are the lover of our souls God. Do it! In Jesus’ Name, Amen…

    A song is coming to my mind by Tim Reimherr, More than Ashes… Beautiful reflection of God’s redemption…

    Lastly, my husband and I minister in a limited capacity for families in crisis. There is material called “Genesis Process” by Michael Dye that has been very helpful. God continues to use it to teach us more about ourselves and His plan for freedom.

    Will continue to pray,

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