Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 551

    John Bunyan said, “Sometimes, when after a sin committed, I have looked for some chastisement from the hand of God, instead the very next that I have had from Him has been the discovery of His grace….”

    • 551.1
      Shelley says:

      Praying for you and your family, your dear sister and her family. I have been so blessed by her testimony and I know that God will not waste a single struggle but will work all things for the good. Can’t wait to see what her next chapter will hold once God has penned it with her! God is good. All the time.

  2. 552
    Marcia says:

    Beth, I must say that I have admired you, your skills, talents and gifts for many years. The Lord has used you in Bible study, in books and in this blog to carry me through many difficult times in the last few years. I have grown to love your whole family, Amanda, Melissa and now Gay. That love came as you have been honest and shared who you are – just being real. I especially appreciate your willingness to share the pain because it is part of all of our lives until Jesus comes. For anyone to think that you never experience disappointment, difficulties or pain is unreal.

    Beth and Gay and family, I will be praying for you. Keep your eyes on the Lord, he is with you.

    I love you all, Marcia – portland, OR

  3. 553
    Sharon says:

    I immediately was pierced by your words to pray! I will continue battling in prayer here for your dear sister, for you, and for all of you there. Don’t gloat over us, evil enemy, though we have fallen WE W~I~L~L GET UP!!! And may God do as He does and use it ALL for His Glory! ALL as a wondering Display of HIS Splendor!

  4. 554
    Chris in Canada says:

    We are all messy.

    So…no, no judgement here.

    I pray for you, sweet Gay. You couldn’t possibly be more loved than you are.

  5. 555
    Julie Reynolds says:

    Just had to jump back on here and say:

    Gay – YOU ARE SO LOVED!! and so prayed for sweet sister! Just wanted to remind you of a few “treasures”you shared so graciously with our siesta community:

    “I believe that the positive, negative and seemingly insignificant people, places and situations add value to our lives based on how we respond to them and learn from them. Its all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change — being transformed by the renewing of our minds.”
    “Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17

    … so I set out to find Him through His way for my life that day and each day since.

    “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV

    But, my friends, Christ means for us to have FREEDOM in the land of the living.

    For you, LORD, have delivered me from death,

    my eyes from tears,

    my feet from stumbling,

    that I may walk before the LORD

    in the land of the living.

    Psalm 116:8-9

    …and lastly some WORD from your sweet sister, our dear Mama Beth…

    God is who He says He Is!
    HE CAN DO what HE says HE CAN DO!
    YOU are who GOD SAYS YOU ARE!!
    GOD’s WORD is ALIVE and ACTIVE in YOU!!

    WE are ALL believing GOD for you!

    I so want to come to Houston and get another hug from you!
    ONE DAY…..

  6. 556
    Briley says:

    Dear sweet Beth,

    You are a spiritual Mama to so many here (myself included). We are all in this together and know that you are ever in the safe arms of Jesus, lifted by many many fervent prayers for you and your sweet sister. Gay’s story touches the weak parts within myself that stumbled many times in my journey with my God. I made the same mistakes, promising every time it would be different. And you know…sometimes it was different for a while. I rested in God’s sovereign deliverance for long stretches in-between my seemingly insurmountable human failings. His faithfulness is more real to me now, not because of those stretches of calm, but because He was always there waiting when I emerged from the chaos into His perfect love and forgiveness. I can’t say what lies ahead now for Gay or anyone else who struggles with addiction. But I can say that God is with her wherever she is, and will stay with her clear through to the other side. I appreciate that you did not share too mch about this dark time for Gay and your family. I would not have wanted my weaknesses exposed like open wounds for all to see. We know enough to pray sincerely for her safe return home. Truer words were never written than “mercy triumphs”.

  7. 557
    Debra says:

    Streams in the desert devotiOnal is perfect for today
    Debra from Arkansas

  8. 558
    Crystal says:

    As someone else has already written, Gay’s testimony is of wonderful growth and proves of the Lord’s ability to change anything! And hence has caught the attention of the enemy. But he will not prevail, For He that is in us is stronger than he that is in the world!!

  9. 559
    Carol VanderWal says:

    Dear Beth, this life is so short. So much pain, so much grief. But soon and very soon we will be seeing THE KING! Glory to God. In Christ, Carol

  10. 560
    Shelly Elston says:

    Dear Beth,

    No details necessary. God knows and that’s what matters most. You absolutely have my prayers, as does your beloved sister, Gay. She has come to my mind often in the last few days and I’ve prayed for her because I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to do so.

    Please know how much I love you.

    Standing in the gap,


  11. 561
    Lynn Walters says:

    He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her……we have all fallen short. For all of us it is a daily battle. Maybe harder for some but none the less a daily battle. We will keep you and your sister is our prayers

  12. 562
    Shannon says:

    Praying for your family!!

    I do have a question for the sietas out there.
    I feel like this is such an inappropriate time for this question, but I am not sure where to post it. So here goes.
    I am facilitating the Revelation study. We have 2 hrs. I noticed that the video sessions are longer than usual and not much homework. Just wondering how some of you facilitated this study. Did you go over homework? Did you just get together for the video? I have about 20 woman signed up. I looked for a leader guide but did not see one listed. Is there one? I would love some ideas 🙂

    Thank you!

  13. 563
    WendyBrz says:

    Praying for every bruised heart in your family.

  14. 564
    Carol says:

    Praying for Gay, Beth, and the Green/Moore family.

  15. 565
    Patsy says:

    I’m simply assuming I know what has happened and I hate to assume because I could be all wrong. But regardless of whether my assumption is correct or not, I know for certain 5 things that are true for you and me and Gay and all believers:

    1. God is who He says He is.
    2. God can do what He says He can do.
    3. I am, you are and Gay is who God says we are.
    4. I can, you can and Gay can do all things through Christ.
    5. God’s Word is alive and active in you and me and Gay.

    I speak these beliefs almost daily. They profoundly changed me when I first heard you speak them. They profoundly change me still. I suspect they will profoundly change Gay again too. I look forward to hearing that she is doing well again.

    Much love, respect and prayer for you and her.


  16. 566
    Melissa says:

    Praying so hard. Love you all.

  17. 567
    Leslee says:

    The devil has no shame. He couldn’t wait to get his spindly fingers on the edge of Gay’s rug and give it a yank as he saw her standing taller and taller in His victory.

    But The Lord is ALWAYS good. He FORGETS our sins. Gay, whatever it is, God has ALREADY forgotten it. Please rest in this and know your story has touched hearts and changed lives and that CANNOT be done in spite of the tough situation you are experiencing in this moment.

    In hopeful anticipation of the deep breath after the storm subsides.

    Love and SISTER HUGS to you all.

  18. 568
    Pam says:

    Lifting you up in prayer Beth and Gay & your families.
    HE who began a good work WILL be faithful to complete it.
    Let God arise and His enemies be scattered in Jesus name!

  19. 569
    Ronalee Clay says:

    Please know that I too am a work in progress who fails daily & relies on the grace of God to lift me up & bring me to a healthier place. I am sorry for your pain & I will pray for you & your family to be comforted & restored by the One who was, who is & who is to come.

    Love you

  20. 570
    Tami says:

    My heart breaks for you (and for Gay) but I do thank you for your honesty and authenticity. It is a blessing to us all.

    For those of us who have first-hand experience with addiction, and even those who don’t, know and understand that the process is messy; it takes time, and is fraught with ups and downs. God used Miss Gay in my life to speak truth. She spoke of the verse that said “But God…” those two words from Gay’s writing was so powerful and they spoke directly to my heart. It remains a constant truth in our stories of pursuing Him…and so like us, Gay’s story continues…
    and we will wait and pray for the next “But God…” in sweet Gay’s life.

    God’s grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every day—this we know! I’m sorry for your hurting heart and for the hearts of those so close to this situation. I will storm the throne in prayer for His tender touch and loving, warm comfort for you all. Also, I will pray for Gay as she walks this journey out with God. Hold tight to Him sweet sister!

  21. 571
    Cindy says:

    That satan, he’s quite a weasel, isn’t he? Elbowing in, whispering in your ear, giving you the wink & nudge, and sometimes a kick in the behind. And with all that, it’s still choice, isn’t it? And one of the hardest things to do is to have to watch it unfold. But, harder still, the hardest, is to be the one who opens the door and walks on through. Nothing hurts more than the stab of regret. Yes, speaking from experience here. So hard to reach out to God. Forgiveness, grace, acceptance. He is so quick to give it, but it is so so hard to extend it to yourself. To live through it all, knowing that you have taken this from the One who matters the most at such a cost.

    We are living through something that has brought us to such despair. We’re the watchers, this time. God was so clear to us that this is HIS battle. Look: Exodus 14: the huge regret that the Israelites had in following the LORD when it looked so dire…they cried out that they should have never done it…never left Egypt. (Sorta the national “I want my foreskin back” moment.) ‘Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.’ The LORD said…Tell the people of Israel to go forward….I will get glory over Pharoah and all his host…and the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD. Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them.’ You know, it struck me then, as it does now, that God is protecting us & is right there with us, wanting us to get out of the way so that He’s free to wage war. Do not despair, dear ones, this is God’s fight. And He won’t give up, or get tired. He loves. And best, He wins.

  22. 572
    Celeste Monds says:

    When we are weak, we are made strong! Jesus has won the victory, ALL of us are broken…we all fail and have to repent and move on in victory that we possess in Jesus! I love Gay and her testimony…God will use this hard blow in her life to HIS glory. Her testimony has SAVED my sister’s life and I love her for the boldness of sharing it with the thousands of us on the blog. Fervent prayers going up for Gay and Beth and the entire family to the Holy of Holies. Boundless love for all of you…

  23. 573
    Leigh Ann Long says:

    Prayers for you all. Much, much love here.

  24. 574
    Suzan Bulaga says:

    Absolutely love and adore you Beth and unconditionally love Gay. Please reassure her that she is accepted in the Beloved. Be blessed, all of you, in Jesus’ Name, amen

  25. 575
    j says:

    while i do not have a very close walk with god, in fact i doubt as much as i belive, i read Gays blog and was drawn closer to this god of redemption. i am praying for her and for the rest of your family

  26. 576
    Laura Humphreys says:

    I so appreciate the realness that is expressed in this post, and on the blog regularly. This post reminds me of my CONSTANT struggles with the flesh. I find myself rejoicing over not falling into a pattern of sin for a set amount of time, and then BAM out of nowhere it seems I’m right there in it. And I find I am living out Paul’s words in Romans 7:19 “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing.” But I am so encouraged by verses 24-25 “…Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God — through Jesus Christ our Lord”. Praise the Lord that no matter what we suffer, succumb to or struggle with, HE WILL RESCUE US! I love the body of Christ…thanks for making this blog such a community of friends!

  27. 577
    Melissa says:

    When Gay wrote I was so touched by her honesty and yet I knew satan would be after her big time and I knew to pray for her and did but not at all like I should have. I will now. I often pray for you Beth and the ministry there and for your family. I know too well that satan goes after those in public ministry b/c he knows he can bring down many if the leader stumbles. Not so here! I and obviously many feel more determined than ever to pray for Gay, you, your ministry and family! To God be the glory! Gay will see victory again!

  28. 578
    Jean Schlosser says:

    Dear Beth,
    My heart aches for you and your sister. I’m thankful,
    you are so real. I will pray for all of you.
    (Romans 8:28) I trust God to work this out all for His

    “Be strong and courageous. Do not be discouraged, for the
    LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

    You are such an example of God’s grace!


  29. 579
    Donna Spiegelman says:

    I will continue in prayer for you and your family.
    Ephesians 6:12
    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

  30. 580
    StacieHope365 says:

    Gay, you are loved.

  31. 581
    CC says:

    Beth, though you weren’t being real so that we would all appreciate you for it, we thank you just the same.
    Love you, and praying for you, Gay, and the fam.

  32. 582
    jackie from MO says:

    Siesta’s – i am humbly honored to be counted among you. the love being poured out to Gay and Beth and the whole family is quite simply Beautiful. The Body of Christ in action. Thank you, Abba Father, for each and every sister!


  33. 583
    Ellen says:

    Praying for Gay.

  34. 584

    Okay, maybe this’ll work if I use my other email account. Hang in there, girls! I had a lot more to say, but guess I’m not supposed to, besides from what I’ve seen of the other comments it’s basically the same as everyone else has said. Love you both!!! (((hugs)))

  35. 585
    Anne says:

    Dear Beth, When you hurt, I hurt. I’m so sorry. I’m setting aside time to pray for you and Gay.

    • 585.1

      Amen! Me,too! And when Gay hurts I have to admit I hurt a little extra cause we have that alcoholism thing in common, too! We tend to stick together us alcoholics! We have to! We’re the only people who REALLY understand that alcoholic mind thing. So messed up! It can suck you back in so fast as I’ve seen first hand as I’ve watched two friends relapse here and thankfully they both came back after only a few days! One was a dear friend and it shook me a bit. Not enough to relapse myself. I reminded myself that I had to stick with my program while still reaching out to her, because two of us relapsing would not make for a good situation! But I looked for her at every meeting, you better believe it! And called her to let her know that I wanted to see her again and love her so much in between meetings! Asked people who I knew know her if they’d seen her at every meeting I went to. You can’t even imagine my relief when she walked through the doors on Monday night! I was just like, “Oh, thank You, Jesus!” and haven’t stopped since! I’m sure Gay is doing well with that, though, unless I hear otherwise, but I’m definitely praying for you, both!

  36. 586
    Allie says:

    Praying. So much love for you, Gaye and your family. As we say in our family when we want someone to know they are very loved: love love love love love.

  37. 587
    Judy says:

    We are loved with an EVERLASTING love…… I, for one, am so grateful for that!! Everlasting love and redeeming grace offered to sinners such as I!!

  38. 588
    Valerie Law says:

    Siesta Mama,
    May God keep you and Gay close to His heart during time. We love you so much and so appreciate Gay’s testimony–it helped my husband so much. We’re all with you!!!

  39. 589
    Melany says:


    I’m praying for Gay, you, and all of your family right now. I know that no two situations are identical, but Satan has also attacked my extended family HARD, and we have certainly had our share of ups and heartbreaking downs, also. I know Satan wants nothing more than to destroy all of God’s precious creation, and I am so thankful that God is stronger. My heart is breaking with you right now, but I’m prayerful and hopeful for an up time again soon! You, and more recently Gay, have been great sources of hope and encouragement to me, and I feel that BOTH of you will continue to be so!


  40. 590
    Wanda Veltman says:

    I think the reason all of us love you and your family so much is that you are real. We all make mistakes and Satan loves for us to feel like we are the only ones that ever mess up. I think because your sister took such a strong stand Satan couldn’t stand it. We will be in prayer for her. Who are we to condemn your precious sister. I pray we will all lift her up. God can and will redeem the mistakes!

  41. 591
    Elizabeth Finney says:

    Faith, hope, and love your way, and the greatest of these is love. To misquote slightly, but to say what I hope might help the tiniest tiniest bit. Love your way, and Gay’s, and your family’s.

  42. 592
    Michele says:

    Beth and Gaye,

    Your stories have never fallen on fallow ground. Whenever God’s people make great advances against Satan and it is so public, they become big targets for Satan. I know that it’s a hard thing to understand, but Satan can knock us back into the pit so that the next time God lifts us from it, it is so much sweater than the last. Some things He delivers us from, some He helps us out of, others He makes us work so that we never want to go back again. I know that Gaye will get free again.
    I will be praying for her.
    God is still in control. We all have extra large tear bottles stored up in heaven.

  43. 593
    Lisa D. says:

    I am praying. God knows the details. He is big enough for this. He is strong enough for this. He is gentle enough for this. He is just plain enough for this. With so much love…..

  44. 594
    Laura says:

    Thank you so much for trusting us with your sharing.

    I’m thinking Gay must’ve made the devil so verrrrry angry with the beautiful sharing of her testimony and bearing witness to God’s glory in her life.

    And I am resolved that the enemy will NOT have one ounce of satisfaction from a critical thought in my mind and heart towards our sweet sister. It’s the least I can do in this battle of hers.

    During the days of Gay’s sharing, I was often been reminded of Avalon’s song, “The Greatest Story”. The entire song is such a reminder of the unfinished business of our lives, and speaks directly to our stumbles along the way. But the chorus is especially sweet: “Your life, woven day by day is a new design, of the glory God displays on the canvas of creation, through the poem of history, in the pattern of redemption, running through the tapestry. Your life in Christ can be the greatest story ever told!”

    Praying specifically for this part in the weaving of Gay’s tapestry, for your unique role as a loving sister, and for God’s glory to shine like never before through the darkness of this chapter.

    Blessings, peace and grace to you all!

  45. 595
    kim says:

    Hi Beth..I have been so moved by Gay’s story… and I was so happy to see her continuing recovery, even while my own son was relapsing into his own addiction… but it gave me hope.. he also is once again moving forward with so many praying for him.. I pray that whatever is being thrown at Gay, that she will feel God’s love and protection and rise up to meet him.. I can’t wait to see you live in California in October… God bless to you and your family

  46. 596

    Praying for Gay, our dear sister in Christ. May she know His complete love and forgiveness today.

  47. 597
    Diane says:

    Beth, I truly feel like you and Gaye are a part of my family … and when one of my family members hurts, I hurt.

    Praise the Living God that He is bigger than all our messes, and His love endures forever. Please know that you and Gaye are loved and being covered in prayer.

  48. 598
    Cathy says:

    Prayers going up for you and yours. Remember, the battle belongs to the Lord.

  49. 599
    Barb Lanktree says:

    Beth, I am saddened by your news. I unfortunately share some of the tragedy of your and Gay’s past. Was a God hater for many years & when I 1st became a Christian, you could speak to me of Jesus but don’t mentioned the Father.
    My Father has brought me so much healing I am in awe of His love. He has shown me so clearly that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that has ever happened to be has been wasted! He has used everything to mold me and make me into the woman I am today, someone He used to help others & to heal others. He uses me in a unique way because of what He has walked me through. The same is true of both you and Gay. He has used you and Gay as witnesses of His love, goodness and mercy. He has used Gay to minister and testify to others and will continue to do so. There was a song many years ago with the chorus: “we fall down, we get up. we fall down, we get up!” Chonda Pierce does a song on “four eyed blonde” called “Mercy Saw Me”,can be found on “higher praise” tube. That’s how He sees us, thru His Merciful Eyes and he never lets go. Ps 31:14-15a: “I TRUST You O Lord, I say You are my GOD and My future is in Your Hands.” Praying you all feels the loving arms of the Lord as you walk through this season, keeping your eyes Locked on His Loving Eyes. When we read ths last page of the BOOK we see that In Christ, the victory is ours.

  50. 600
    Peggy Langille says:

    I’ve been praying today and at one point Natalie Grant’s, Your Great Name, came on the radio. This is Truth — “The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of your great name” — that’s my prayer for all of us when the enemy thinks he gets the upper hand – we will call out His Great Name.

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