Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?

I love you guys in this blog community so much. And I hope to heaven it goes without saying that I love my extended family. Lord have mercy, oh so much. But every now and then we are challenged to figure out how to demonstrate a balanced love to all of the above. This is my attempt and it will no doubt fall short of the place I wish it would land. I remember Kay Arthur telling a group at a Deeper Still event (in the Q&A segment) how painful it is to be totally misunderstood by something said or quoted out of context. She said, “If I somehow get my words wrong, haven’t we been together long enough for you to know my heart??” It hit me so powerfully.


My hope is that, if I somehow miss the mark and don’t find that perfect balance between honoring this flock and honoring my family, I hope so much each entity has been with me long enough to know my heart. I have never been more honored by a series appearing on this blog than my beloved sister Gay’s 7 installments. They were, each one, completely genuine and written in complete honesty. And they all still stand as a testament to the inconceivable power, grace, and healing of God.


But her story goes on.


And so do the rest of ours.


And life is hard, the devil is mean, the flesh gets weak, but the love of God stays strong.


I simply write today to say that you will never waste a prayer on anyone around here. We are all flesh and blood, weak in our natural selves, but (many of us) deeply committed to our pursuit of Christ. We’re not playing a game here. He is everything to us. Our joy. Our Strength. Our Refuge when we’re hurting. Our Rock when we’re rocking.


We established this blog with an unwavering commitment to remaining real in our witness and in our encouragement and exhortation. Thus far, we have to my knowledge held onto that commitment for dear life and, goodness knows, that’s a praise to God alone. This post is just an attempt to continue in that vein. We want to stay real with you. And what’s real is that Gay’s story is still being written even amid a painful turn of events and by the faithful God who spoke her name before the foundation of the world.


And my story is still being written. And I know your hearts well enough to imagine that right now you would say, “And mine, too.”


I wish it was tidier but it’s not. Gay has suffered a hard blow. I am heartbroken for her and also just plain heartbroken. One of these days there will be a next chapter from Gay, whether it’s here or elsewhere. It will not negate a single one she’s written. It will simply add to. It also does not negate a single thing I wrote or shared in Mercy Triumphs. I love her so much. I know you love her, too. We do not condemn here. We do not shame. We believe that our God can conquer all, recover all, redeem all, and use all.


I wish we could have it more together around here sometimes, sisters, but we remain completely cast upon our Savior and we live one day at a time. I love you immensely and I thank you for your patience with us. We are works in progress, all of us. Would you be so gracious not to press too hard for more details right now? To tell you the truth, they’re in flux and less than clear anyway. Let’s just leave some space for the beautiful healing mercies of God and let most of our talk take place from our knees.


You mean something to me. Something down deep. I want so much to serve you responsibly.


With much love,









882 Responses to “Don’t We Wish Life Was a Whole Lot Tidier?”

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  1. 301
    Cindy says:

    I’m so sorry for this “Blow” and for your heart ache. I wish I could give you a big hug! Will certainly be praying!

  2. 302
    Heather B. says:

    Love you. Praying. Believing God.

  3. 303
    Radical Abandonment says:

    I don’t know which I would find harder…the deception our loved ones face or being broken again! Our daughter is gay. Something is broken in her and culture has deceived her. I’m praying for her healing as you have and are praying for your sister. God healed her and can do it again. I will pray for her too.

  4. 304
    Nancy, Georgia says:

    We love you Beth! Prayers are lifted for Gay, her family, you and your family. God is merciful and through the blood of the Lamb, we are oh, so loved and forgiveness, comfort, and wholeness await us every day. Love and prayers.

  5. 305
    vanessa says:

    I was listening to Chris Tomlin’s “Our God” on the way to work and thought of you…Praying…

    You turned into wine
    Open the eyes of the blind
    There’s no one like You
    None like You
    Into the darkness You shining
    Out of the ashes we rise
    There’s no one like You
    None like You

    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…

    Into the darkness you shining
    Out of the ashes we Rise
    There’s no One like You
    None like You.

    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…
    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…

    And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
    And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
    And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
    And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
    What can stand against?

    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…
    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…

    And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
    And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
    And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
    And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
    Then what can stand against?
    Then what can stand against?

    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…
    Our God is greater, our God is stronger
    God You are higher than any other
    Our God is Healer, awesome and power
    Our God, Our God…

  6. 306
    Missy S says:

    Sweet Beth and family,

    It is our honor to lift you all up in prayer before the throne of grace, as you have done for us so many times before. No matter how many setbacks we endure and no matter how many heartaches we suffer, we have a Rider coming for us whose name is Faithful and True! I was reminded of that just yesterday when my hubby and I saw a huge, glorious rainbow as we were driving home. Praying that the Lord would send you a “rainbow” of sorts today.

    All my love,

  7. 307
    Fenton Clendenin says:

    Dear Beth, I have similar heart cries these days. In fact, yesterday while driving to work, Jesus brought to my mind some of your thoughts on thankfulness and used them to bring me up to Him! Anyway, my thoughts for you come from the book Jesus Calling. She writes that we serve an infinitely creative Lord, who has infinite plans to fix all our mistakes and so, there is hope! Praise the Lord! Mercy to all.

  8. 308
    Deanna Constans says:

    Gay’s story is such an inspiration. I will lift her up and your entire family in prayer. I hope she can be lifted out of this dark place with utmost haste. Blessings to you and your family.

  9. 309
    jennifer says:

    Victory in Jesus – our Savior forever. He wins, Gay will win – let the battle be the Lord’s.
    love you

  10. 310
    Tammy says:

    Praying….and praying….me she feel nothing but love and welcome from her sisters in Christ. God saw what was coming and allowed us to know her through this blog so that we would be her prayer warriors too! Asking the Lord to send her strength, courage and oh sooo much love!

  11. 311
    Dianne R. says:

    It is in the hard times that we must remember Romans 8:28-29 and believe as Kay Arthur says,”everything is filtered through His fingers of love” – even the set backs, the difficult things, the hard things!! Praying for you all and for God’s sustaining strength.

  12. 312
    Donna says:

    Sweet Beth,
    Praying. Praying. Praying. We know your heart.
    You are loved.


  13. 313
    Sandy Smith says:

    Praying with tears.

  14. 314
    Donna Sparks says:

    Satan has definitely been working overtime lately! But he will NOT win this war!

    Precious Jesus,
    We pray for Gay right now. We don’t know the situation, but You do. Lord minister to he heart at this moment in the way that only You can! We come against any guilt or shame the enemy is attacking her with. Father wrap Your arms of love around Your daughter, and give her the strength and courage to get back up, and move forward. No one is perfect, we all have our struggles. Some struggles are just more visible than others, but that doesn’t mean they are a lesser sin. There are no degrees of sin. Lord, help her to know that she is loved so very much! We do not condemn her, but long to see her rise up, and continue walking with You. Thank You now, for the miraculous things You are going to continue to do in Gay’s life! We praise Your awesome holy name, in which we pray! Amen

    Much love to you Gay, Beth, and family!
    We’ve been made MORE than CONQUERORS!!

  15. 315
    Carolyn says:

    Beth, we love you too and will be in prayer for Gay. Praise the Lord that He has loved all of us, all the time.

  16. 316
    Julie says:

    I too am so sorry and haven been praying for Gay and your family, yet I so appreciate your authenticity because as you live real life before us, we can find hope in God alone.
    Your last lesson in the James series gave me a jolt to wake up and be watchful, You reminded us that anyone can wander. I have recognized that tendency in my own life.
    This morning my devotions took me to Jude 1:20-23 in the NET version, wow! saying essentially the same thing that James said in his last chapter. So I went to the beginning of the book. There the first few lines was something too familiar, ” from Jude, a slave of Jesus Christ and brother of James……
    Maybe that was just for me, but it jumped off the page and into my heart, the humanity of Jesus and his band of brothers. I have 3 sisters, each with our own story, ( still being written in all manner of imperfection ) but I am believing God…….

  17. 317
    Laura Copenhaver says:

    Beth, make sure Gay knows that her Siestas are praying for her. She’s our family now. Thanks for letting us know of the need.

  18. 318
    Sara says:

    We love you Gay! We love you Beth! You bet we know your hearts, and your humanity. God’s got this. I’m sure of it. S

  19. 319
    Rochelle says:

    Gay’s story touched me in a special way. I hurt for her & you today. I pray that God will be close to you both as you absorb this ‘blow.’ Hugs to you Beth.

  20. 320

    As we pray and anticipate Gay’s next chapter,
    We ask God to turn sorrow into laughter.

    I love you too.

  21. 321
    Jill says:

    Oh Lord I cry out to you on behalf of Gay, Beth, and their families. Please remind them today that You never let go of their hands and that You have overcome this world. Be their strength this day, Be their wisdom, Be their joy. Thank you for the gift of eternity in Heaven where there will be no obstalces or heartache to overcome. In Jesus name. Amen

  22. 322
    Andrea Henley says:

    Ever wonder why we are more than conquerors instead of plain old conquerors?

    I think we are, among other things, “more than” when we kick pride to the curb and are honest when things feel not-so-much conquered. Praying for you, your ministry, and Gay.

    Sweet picture: When I read “our Rock when we’re rocking,” I was holding my sweet three-month-old as she slept. It’s not the context you were implying, but nothing’s sweeter than these quiet rocker moments, and it’s the best time to approach that Rock. Grin.

  23. 323
    Ashli says:

    I love your sister.
    I love you.
    I love God.
    God loves your sister.
    God loves you.
    God loves me.
    I already know the story will end well. Eventually.

  24. 324
    Patti Hayes says:

    Groaning in my spirit, and praying even with my limited vocabulary for this prayer task. I love you, dear sister.

  25. 325

    Dear sweet Beth,
    Please know that you and Gay are in my prayers. Life is hard and we do the best we can. Thankfully, we serve a merciful and compassionate God. May His peace be with you.

  26. 326
    Tammy Gutierrez says:

    First allow me to say I praise the Lord for stregnth and endurance in moments likes this. The Lord can completely make beauty of ashes. My heart aches for Gay. Your are correct in saying the evil one is mean, but God is great and I am praying for you both. We do not need to know details, I appreciate your discretion so much. I am praying that the Lord continues to show everyone involved that righteousness must dictate terms, and our loving and gracious Lord will massage and prop up your hearts.
    Because of Him,
    Tammy Gutierrez

  27. 327
    Barbara Head says:

    Praying with all might!! Yesterday our little band of Bible Studiers met and had a pressing desire to hold our Pastor and his wife up in prayer. We also included the extended family and now I know why. You and your family are so precious to us and we will continue to hold you all up to the Almighty!!

  28. 328
    joy says:

    My heart goes out to you and Gay! I will be praying for her and for you. Thank you for sharing so that we have an opportunity to pray! God is big and so is His love! And His mercies are new every morning!

  29. 329
    Renee says:

    I’m so sorry to hear praying God will restore and give peace over this situation. Lamentations 3:22-24
    Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
    Praying for you all!

  30. 330
    Missknitsalot says:

    Oh Beth, we will all be praying. We are a family, and family’s love and pray for each other through all the tough stuff. Gay is our sister too, and we all cry with her and with you. GOD IS FAITHFUL!

  31. 331
    Jana says:

    No condemation here. The Lord just worked through a big issue in my own life. My prayers are with you and for you.

  32. 332
    Michele says:

    This has been a rough 2 weeks for me. Keep picking up old hurts and tripping over my reactions and responses to them. I know I need to get my focus back on God and His truth, let Him be God and me work on what I need to work on…..we all can stumble and fall. That is why we keep needing Him each and every day, actually each and every moment! The enemy tries hard to “catch” us again, we have got to tirelessly pursue that armor.
    Our flesh is so weak… heart loves God and I know what to do, but the hurt and pain are sometimes all I can see and feel. God’s love is stronger and for me it is a matter of allowing Him to have full control! We ALL are just desperate for Him and without Him, we are desperately broken! Praying for the Precious Love of Jesus to touch Gay and strengthen her resolve and commitment. I still believe in her and there is no condemnation for whatever she is going through, we are all in need of our Saviour. I am first in line, I am the worst of sinners. I will be remembering her and your family in prayer, as well as the siestas here on this blog. We are all one choice away from falling away from from our path to Christ. Thankful that his mercies are new each morning and his compassion never fails! May we all arm ourselves with His truth, and band together in truth, arm in arm, so we can stand strong against the evil days we live in. It is hard out there, I love you all on this blog… heart goes out to each of our stories……thankful that God, can write a new chapter!

  33. 333
    Phyllis Sills says:

    Know that Gay is covered in our prayers. And know that you and your family as well as all those at LPM are covered. Your ministry means the world to me and so many others. You are truly a blessing to all.
    Yours in Christ,

  34. 334
    Kelly Vining says:

    I also know the pain of watching someone you love, continue to fall under the wait of addiction (despite a love for Jesus). I am praying for you and your family.

  35. 335
    Charmaine, San Angelo says:

    Praying for Gay and your entire family. This life is so very hard, and no one ever said faith was easy. The devil is very persistent. One thing I’ve learned recently is our God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond anything we could possibly imagine. With that being said, I pray that God will deliver her from this or do something even grander for her.

  36. 336
    Carolyn C says:

    Please let Gay know that we all will be standing beside her, holding her up in prayer. Until we all fall at the precious feet of our sweet Jesus, we will be tempted and swayed by the Evil One. Satan may laugh at our failutes, but Jesus wipes our wounds, prays over us to the Father and loves on us beyond measure. Of that we can be sure and never doubt. We stand firm in Christ and wrap our arms around the ones who need support with love. Thank you Beth for letting us know that Gay is in need of prayer right now, and so are you…

  37. 337
    Cathy Clark says:

    Beth, I am so sorry for the pain Gay and you and your family are going through. I am praying for all of you. I just lost my sister Monday night to an accidental overdose of prescribed medication.

  38. 338
    Jenn says:

    I’ve never met you face to face, but I love you all dearly. I pray for Gay’s protection and yours as well – all your families as you say. I understand and have been there myself. I don’t have eloquent words as much as I wish I did. I just wanted to say that I understand, I love and I pray.

  39. 339
    Donna Marie says:


  40. 340
    Kimmygirl says:

    Dearest Beth,
    I join the rest of your sisters in Christ in deep prayer for you and Gay, knowing that God will work everything for His good purpose, even though it is so painful in this life. Details are not needed, because only God knows each one, and He Is Able to work each detail for His perfect will.
    Love, Kim in Columbus

  41. 341
    Kim says:

    O Siesta Mama: My heart breaks for you and your lovely sister. While I don’t struggle with addiction, I know all too well the ups and downs of faith. The moments on the mountain when I know I can conquer all through His strength. The moments of shame when like Elijah I give in to the enemy’s viciousness, and run and hide and believe all is lost. I will pray for our loving Father to send people to you both to be His hands and feet, to lift up Gay’s face to His and remind her that she is chosen, dearly loved, and holy in His sight (Colossians 3:12). Hugs to you both!

  42. 342
    Cathy says:

    Praying for Gay and praying for you!

  43. 343
    Pat Duff says:

    My Dear Sweet Beth,

    I have been reading this blog since you started it; however, I have never written a response to any of your messages. But — today, I can feel your heart hurting. I have no idea what is going on, other than something with your precious sister, please don’t feel bad. Please know you are loved by so many and I am one of those!! Peace, love, hope to you through Jesus Christ.

  44. 344
    Debbie in Tennessee says:

    Psalm 73:26
    My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

    Praying for you all and thank you for sharing and loving and praying for all of us!

  45. 345
    Paula says:

    Thank you for your transparency. I am thankful that God’s victory is continuous, and relentless. My family has walked through addiction with my brother. I know sometimes the hardest thing has been letting the bottom fall out, where the only fall left is into God’s hands. The heart of family wants so badly to “fix.” I will lift you, your sister, and your family up in prayer. Your ministry has blessed my life in more ways than you could know. (Although I wish-like everyone- I could tell you how over coffee! :))

  46. 346
    KimDotJoy (doo-dah) says:

    Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. I care and am praying for Gay, you, and your families. Praise God that He can use any situation for His Glory.

  47. 347
    bethany says:

    I am so sorry for your heartbreak and pain Beth. You, my dear, have been such an encouragement to me over the course of my entire life with Christ. I hope that I can be an encouragement to you too. Our God is indeed powerful and whatever the situation is, He knows and He redeems. Your sister and everyone that you love is known intimately by the Lord. I am praying for you and your family. I’m praying for sweet Gay.
    Love you so much!

  48. 348
    Sue Putlock says:

    Dear Beth, Gay and Family,

    Know this…we have such an awesome God that no matter what is thrown into our path on this beautiful journey that He is with us…good times, bad times, misunderstood times, and joyful times. We can rejoice that He is God and He is good. May His everlasting love, mercy and grace reign on you all at this point in the journey. May those around you show his love, mercy and grace as never before and may you have a complete healing in your life. Let us not be anxious for even a minute knowing this about our God. We love you all and give you praise for your transparency, authenticity and love for God and us. Blessings!

  49. 349
    Cindy says:

    I, like Ann, feel like something has happened to a dear friend. Staying with you, supporting you during the rough times happening in your life now.

  50. 350
    Debbie S. says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of Gay’s hardship after all she’s been through. She and you are in my prayers. She has the foundation of God’s word and I know that will get her through this dark time. I know how hard it is to watch a loved one go through pain. My son battles alcohol addiction and chooses to rely on wordly things instead of God, so he keeps falling back into that dark world. I was reminded just this morning of when Abraham placed his child on the altar. I have to keep giving my child to God and have faith he will return him to me healed. Keep strong Gay and Beth.

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