Meet My Sister

My hands have been frozen on the computer keyboard while I took in the pure profundity of this moment in my personal life and family life and, Lord, have mercy, my spiritual life. When I say that I am about to share something gigantic to me, I am not kidding. I am bug-eyed that this is really happening and it is everything I can do not to type these words to you from face down on the floor. My dear Siestas, it is my great honor to introduce you to my blood sister, with whom I was raised and with whom I shared a room for many years and many secrets. Some crippling. We have known much pain together and much devastation apart and were so close growing up that one of us could hardly be okay if the other were not. Today – and for this moment – we are both okay. And blessed. Redeemed. Forgiven. And, in staggering ways, restored. Only because of Jesus.

Years ago in a speaker/teacher workshop, the consummate Christian communicator, Florence Littauer, taught us to ask ourselves two questions before standing in front of an audience: “Do I have anything to say?” And, “Do people need to hear it?” I can confidently say today that, if Florence Littauer knew my sister and her story, she’d tell her to open her mouth and rarely shut it till God took her Home. Oh, Sisters, does she ever have something to say and do people ever need to hear it!

Please meet my older sister by three years, Gay Tuttle. She and I are two of five siblings who we love as much as we love each other. I do not know anyone well who has a more powerful and genuine testimony than Gay. Her rescue and revival flooded over into mine. God used her healing to add to mine. It is with the hope that God could use it to somehow impact you that I make this introduction.  My heart is pounding with awe and reverence as we release her story – and at times our story – to the public. In her words. I have not edited a single sentence. Here you will find the first of several installments of this story of redemption that, God willing, we hope to share with you over the weeks to come. I don’t want to put her into a time crunch but you could reasonably expect them about 1 to 2 weeks apart. Pray for her as she writes to you. Sometimes we have to relive to RE-LIVE.

As I put her out here for the eyes of multiple thousands, I beg you from the deepest part of my heart to take good care of my sister. This is huge for her and huge for me. Allow her the freedom to talk in the language that she presently speaks and with the terms she presently uses. I believe you will be so blessed. Very few of you Siestas need me to say this but, because I do not want to throw her to even two wolves, I ask you to please refrain from preaching to her. Instead, receive from her. Just let her share with you a vivid flesh-and-blood illustration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. These won’t be articles for legalists. These will be articles for people who do believe or who want to believe with all their hearts that “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Galatians 5:1)  If I didn’t believe you were the kind of people to embrace her with lavish affection, I’d never take this chance. But I know you, Siestas. I know she will be well cared-for here. By the way, she knows you a bit, too. She’s been reading the blog and many of your comments now for a year. So, without further introduction, my beloved Siestas, please meet my beloved Sister, Gay. I am now full-on crying.


Hi Siestas!  My name is Gay and I’m an alcoholic.  I’m not just any alcoholic.  I am a serious, hardcore, dedicated, classic, textbook alcoholic.  I drank just like that for thirty-seven years, all of my adult life, with the exception of the last two and three-quarter years.  Today I have 1000 days of sobriety, nights included, weekends too, consecutive, all in a row, no breaks, no slips and no sneaks.  Now, that might not sound like much of an accomplishment to those who have stayed sober all of their lives or for those who drink responsibly, but for ME, it is a flatout miracle from God!!

To be honest, Sweet Siestas, I have grappled with how to introduce myself on this most-esteemed blog until I almost didn’t come out here at all.  Because I have been “raised up” in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and in our beloved Mercy Street, a church that ministers to many in recovery, the word “alcoholic” just rolls off my tongue.  I don’t even think about it.  It feels right, it sounds right, IT IS RIGHT!!  It is a huge part of who I am and I own that.  My God-given, God-planned deliverance from it is my testimony and I believe with all my heart that there are those of you who have, at the very least, people in your lives who have struggled or are strugging with some similar experiences and need some hope.  That’s about as simple as it gets.  I am quick to blurt it out for another reason as well, possibly the most important one:  I do not want to forget.  I believe that in order to LIVE what I have been delivered to I must REMEMBER what I have been delivered from.

What it was like:

I started drinking at seventeen years old as a rebellious teenager (loved it), continued to do it through the “functioning” years (tolerated it) and moved on to radical self-medicating simply to kill the pain, much of which I caused myself (hated it).  I was given countless opportunities to recover and refused.  By the time I got serious and very scared, it was too late.  I was hopelessly addicted to alcohol, both mentally and physically, and I had lost the power of choice.  So I threw in the towel and proceeded to try to drink myself out of my misery and miserable existence, to death.  And I almost did, many times, but for the radical grace of God.  I lost my husband, my children, my job, the trust of my family, my home, my car, my driving privileges, my self-respect, my dignity, my values, my freedom and the list goes on and on.  I was confined to jails and institutions more times than I can count.  I thought I was a certifiable lunatic because WHO would drink after all that???  And that wasn’t the bottom for me; I ended up homeless and on the street (yes, outside!) for approximately eighteen months.

What happened:

God intersected into my life like a burning bolt of lightning and in the blink of an eye my story took an abrupt about-face and became His Story.

What it is like now:

A thousand days of sobriety and a God bigger than life Who requires a lot of WORK from me, have molded and chiseled me into far more than an alcoholic.  I am a loving and responsible mother, sister and friend.  I am a dedicated employee and member of Mercy Street who believes in its mission and lives it OUT LOUD.  I am a driver with a valid Texas drivers license and insurance, a car owner, townhouse dweller, volunteer, law-abiding citizen, taxpayer (ugh), sponsor, sponsee and recovery coach.  I sit on three committees that are a part of the Houston Area Recovery Initiative for the fourth largest city in the country.  I am a Servant and Lover of God who is fully dedicated to following His will for my life which is to share my experiences, both there and back, and offer hope of God’s deliverance for all who suffer from a similar seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

I hope to offer a unique perspective, possibly even tilting the axis a bit (in a good way), of an intimate relationship with this most Mysterious Jesus God who never leaves us or forsakes us no matter how far down the scale we have gone.  I love Him because He loves me, all of me.  He first loved me!  I had been taught that as a child and had sung Jesus Loves Me since I could form words.  Yet I had forgotten that while I was out there in the wilderness, pounding the hot concrete with bare feet.  I didn’t know the love, grace and mercy of God until I walked off of that concrete and began the journey out of the pit, to hope and a future, to FREEDOM.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,”  Isaiah 61:1-3

I am going to tell you my story, Sweet Siestas, if you care or dare to listen.  I promise I will be honest and candid, direct and to the point.  I will try my best not to ramble on about the problem without moving quickly to the solution.  For me, not just any alcoholic, there is but One Solution.  Not just any God.  It takes a God the size of the universe, bigger and badder than them all, to accomplish for us and through us what we cannot do for ourselves.  It takes the all powerful, all consuming, all merciful Crazy Love of Jesus and our full acceptance of who we are in and to Him.  It takes a willingness to do WHAT HE ASKS, which is A LOT.  It takes honesty and authenticity.  This is Who I Am and it only matters what God thinks because of Who He Is.  Then its Katie bar the door!  Here am I, send me, all of me, scars, limps and all.  And He will and He does because He loves us with a love that transcends all barriers and which is, well … indescribable.  Brennan Manning, my second favorite author, wrote these words in The Furious Longing of God:  “Employing adjectives such as furious, passionate, vehement, and aching to describe the longing of God are my mumbling and fumbling to express the Inexpressible.  Yet, I plod on.” Please bear with me, my Siestas, while I mumble and fumble to express the Inexpressible.


Dear Jesus God, You know that the absolute best prayer I ever prayed in my life was the simplest of all prayers:  God, Please Help Me!  I’m praying it again now, Dear Jesus.  Please help me to be effective in Your world and for Your glory and honor alone.  Please help me to shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night, to the wounded and broken who need a shred of hope because everyone needs some, Lord.  I love you with all my heart and soul.  I am Yours, all of me.  Amen.


1,534 Responses to “Meet My Sister”

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  1. 1051
    sandy ramirez says:

    Ooooh Girls,
    Thank you Gay for your sweet God- given courage and humble spirit. My,my,my, what God has done and will continue to do! I am so pleased to be a part of watching God’s story in you, and Beth? I can only imagine your excitement! Thanks for standing up…both of you!

  2. 1052
    Laura Humphreys says:

    For lack of better words or the ability to express how incredible your story is as a clear example of God’s grace and healing power, I just want to say…thank you for sharing.

  3. 1053
    valerie Beck says:

    Rejoicing with you both! Tears of great joy! God is GOOD. Praise you, Father! You are loved, Gay. By your God, your dear sister Beth who has prayed earnestly for you, your entire family and now you have us, your Siestas! Thank you so much for letting us share in your journey. God bless you, Gay! You are forever His!

  4. 1054
    Amy says:

    This story makes my heart smile. I have never been where you have been sweet sister, but today I feel as though my struggles were your struggles. Thank you for your boldness. No doubt you will be blessed. Love, Another Sinner Saved By GRACE

  5. 1055

    Thanks for sharing your story. It really gives me hope for those I love.

  6. 1056
    Robyn says:

    We are all SINNERS saved by GRACE. Welcome, Gay!

  7. 1057
    Sandy Shiflett says:

    Thank you Gay for being so honest and candid in your sharing!!! We are your true Siesta’s and loved you before we even met you….Mama Siesta has given us that vision of hope for the restoring our loved ones through Jesus. You are the living proof of it all…and only because of Him and your choice of obedience. Yeah and amen is all I can say. Praise You Lord Jesus for our long awaited siesta Gay entering the blog with her story that tells of victory and hope that each and every one of us fellow siestas need.
    Love in Christ!!!
    Your true Siesta
    PS hope to meet you in person this weekend.

  8. 1058
    Kristen says:


    Thank you. To God be the glory!!

    Your ever-lovin’ sister in Christ,

  9. 1059
    peg nichols says:

    Gay and Beth…Thanks so much for sharing your testimony of the power of God in one’s life…I am also a recovering alcoholic (celebrated 20 years in 2011) so I can identify with your early steps to sobriety…God bless you as you continue to live one day at a time under His watchful and caring eye…the blessings that follow make one almost wish everyone had the life of recovery from alcohol…

  10. 1060
    Joan says:

    Thank you so much Gay for sharing. Your testimony touched my heart greatly. God can do mighty things!!!
    You are such an inspiration too so many. Can’t wait to hear more from you. God Bless You

  11. 1061
    bethany says:


    I am so glad that you are sharing with us. So many will be blessed by your testimony. Your hurt and healing will undoubtedly touch someone else and may be the proding that they will need to seek God for their healing. Thank you for your vulnerability.
    You are dearly loved here!

    Bethany (CA)

  12. 1062
    Caroline says:

    Thank you for sharing your story!

  13. 1063
    Amber says:

    I am so excited to meet you Gay! I have been away from the blogging world for a while…I literally JUST came back to it this morning. While I was gone I went through a rough period of depression and went and got myself pregnant…

    God has redeemed the sin and is preparing me for the blessing to come. I am so glad God is working in your life and looking forward to reading about your experiences!

    Many blessings to you!

    • 1063.1
      Jen H. says:


      Your words touched my heart… I have been exactly where you are. Your sweet baby is a BLESSING and God brings purpose in his/her birth and life! My blessing is now a beautiful, 16-year-old, Christ-loving daughter who I cherish so much. I will be purposeful in praying for you during this time! You are loved and I wish I could give you a hug… 🙂

      • Amber says:


        Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers! You can follow my blog for updates if you like! I don’t have much on there yet, as things are a little complicated, but plan on sharing how God works through this situation in the near future and onward.

        Blessings to you and your daughter!

  14. 1064
    Msrilyn Yarbrough says:

    Gay thanks so much for sharing, having been there and done that after 23 years I can testify the walk with him grows sweeter with each day. HE IS a great restorer who gives back everything the devil stole plus MORE and BETTER. He has blessed us with blessings and ministry that my mind still can not comprehend. You your family and ministry will be in our prayer. I believe you were at the 1st conference I heard Beth back in 93 or 94 in Atlanta Ga. Thanks again and God on you

  15. 1065
    Amy says:

    Gay. I love you already.

  16. 1066
    Karen Dissett says:

    To God be the glory!! May the Lord guide and richly bless Gay as she shares her testimony of God’s amazing grace!! Funny that I should read this today, because it started with this song playing in my head, “Your Grace Still Amazes Me” by Philips, Craig and Dean. Blessing, Beth and Gay!! kd

  17. 1067
    Lynn says:

    Thank you so much, Gay, for having the courage to share your story.

  18. 1068
    Anna says:

    Dear Gay,

    You are welcome here. You are valuable. Your sister, Beth, has touched my life so much with her bible studies. I am not one to place judgement on anyone else. I have lived in muck and mire… I come from a family of alcoholics. My brother has been homeless, he has not yet been reconciled to our family. I pray it is so, some day, he is in and out of rehab. We have been at our wits end with him, but Jesus, I know Jesus can set him free.

    Love to you and thank you for sharing your story with us.

  19. 1069
    Susan says:

    Gay, thank you so much for this act of worship by sharing your story and allowing us to praise our Savior. May He bless you.

  20. 1070
    Marjo says:

    Awesome! Gay, if I could reach out and hug you I would! Thank you for sharing your story. I loved all of it, but this was my favorite because it resonated deeply within me:

    “Yet I had forgotten that while I was out there in the wilderness, pounding the hot concrete with bare feet. I didn’t know the love, grace and mercy of God until I walked off of that concrete and began the journey out of the pit, to hope and a future, to FREEDOM.”

  21. 1071


    I am so encouraged by this topic. God is whispering to me that He can and will use the hurts from my childhood to minister to others and glorify Himself. He is also reminding me that He is still in the business of redeeming and drawing those of us who are far from Him back into relationship. I pray for my sister daily and ache for her to be close to the Lord.

  22. 1072
    sandy says:

    Welcome Sweet Sister Gay!! Thank YOU for sharing what Christ has done for you and how He has redeemed your life from the pit(just as He has the rest of us)! May Christ continue to restore to you those years and multiply His blessings upon you without measure as you testify to His saving love and power.
    Praise God He has taken away our sins and made us white as snow.
    Thank you for personally sharing your story. You would be surprised how many Siestas must share in part what He has delivered you from–me, 17 yrs sober and counting, praise His Name! And it is all not by might, or power, but by HIS Spirit! Praising Him with you for His mercies and deliverance and looking forward to more of your story.
    May He give you His words and Bless you to overflowing.
    You are deeply loved, Dear Sister. Yours, together in Him, for His glory! Bless you!

  23. 1073
    Jean says:

    YOU are an amazingly brave woman, Gay! You are strong and smart and such a blessing. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am in awe of Jesus and in awe of you as a result. You help me believe anything is possible with our Lord, you help me to see HIM….A REAL LIVING LORD…….through your life, through your testimony. You are in my prayers as you reflect HIS glory! Thank you so much, sister!

  24. 1074
    Traci says:

    Dear Gail,

    I understand so much about what you write. My husband has been sober now for 13 years. We will be celebrating with you and God 2000 days, 3000 days, and so on. Thank you for sharing your heart and story with us. Feel our loves and hugs. I pray there will be incredible fruit because you have shared your testimony and give hope for another woman who is struggling with alcohol.

    God may You receive the Glory!

  25. 1075
    Elaine Overton says:

    I am still weeping. Your blog has so touched my heart.
    I am actually speaking this evening at the Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting at Chapelwood this evening.
    Please pray for me as I, too, communicate the love of God and the HOPE that has been made stronger because I have tasted HOPELESSNESS!!!
    With love to you in your journey. Isaiah 61 is also my “signature verse”…it carries me through each day as I do believe the “Spirit of the Lord is upon me and He has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor, to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captive and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed…..that we may be called oaks of righteousness, a planting for the display of God’s splendor”!!
    With love,

  26. 1076
    Amy says:

    Thank you for sharing so openly…. I need to hear this as a mother of a grown daughter addited to Drugs. She has lost her husband, children, home, car, everything material, been homeless, still in the pit…. believing for her deliverance. Lord your will be done in her life.

  27. 1077
    amyJo says:

    Im doing the ugly cry right now. The one with Snot and big swollen lips….BUT all for Praise! I have prayed for you my friend. Even though I will probably never lay eyes on you on this side of heaven, I have prayed. Not just for you but deep down, wanting the same freedom you longed for. PRAISE the LORD HE IS Faithful! March on!

  28. 1078
    aleta says:

    Gay,”Drinking was a way of life” in my West Virginia up bringing. My Dad was a Boot-leggar anyone that couldnt keep up was a sissy. Some of my family hated me for not drinkin, an not comin to their drinking parties. In our day it was terrible hard not to drink if U got in with the wrong crowd. I can understand how hard an terrifying Your Life has been. Thank God for God! an Beth, an all the other Christian Brothers an Sisters. Us an our families don’t have to go through that any more and now can find happiness. I always say to my Husband isn’t life so beautiful when ur not drinkin. Everything was black, dark and grey. Now everything has multiple colors an light and indescribable beauty. And to Beth I loved what U said on discernment pt4 on Life today it really spoke to me an what Ive been goin thru of late. an Ur necklace is really cute too.

  29. 1079
    aleta says:

    Proud to b a Sissy and a Siesta Sister!

  30. 1080
    Shannon says:

    Thank you so much for giving me a timely reminder that there is hope for us all. God IS the biggest and badest, and he can bring redemption out of the destruction of our own devices.

  31. 1081
    Julie says:

    Hi Gay,
    What a Godsend your message is for me!! I too have been down some of that road & the inner struggle is indescribale. Thanks you for you tranparency!! I quit almost 13 years ago & then started to back slide occasionally, for no real apparent reason, not that one ever really needs one, right? Thank the Lord for your new found freedom in & through Christ. I pray for continued grace & courage to stay on track. Love you more than YOU’LL ever know!! Be Blessed Sista & thanks a million times over!! Seriously you have no idea what your testimony means to me!! lvnprys, 😉 julie

  32. 1082
    Amanda says:

    I am learning to live in a new world of parents that are addicted to any number of strongholds. My family has a history of addiction, but my parents always shielded us from seeing it. Now, I am a foster parent, and I love the children of parents who are bound to things that will not allow them to care for their children at the present time, and there is no shield anymore. I have been defeated, and felt useless recently. Your absolutely beautiful story (and the mention of restoration as a loving mother) is encouraging to me in ways I cannot express. Thank you so much for being courageous enough to share. I think that before this story is over, you may be one of my heroes!

  33. 1083
    sallie says:

    Gay, as i began to read your words, chills started at my toes and moved over my entire body. I began to experience what pastor Vince Antonucci explains as a ‘thin place’. “It’s a place where the natural and supernatural worlds come together at their narrowest, with only a thin veil between them. When you’re in a thin place you’re able to catch a glimpse of God, and it becomes easier to sense His presence.” Reading your words, I could sense God and how He has worked powerfully in your life and how you have LET HIM WORK and I could feel His presence pouring through your words! Thank you for being authentic and humble and willing to take what He has poured out in your life and give it back! He is so being honored by your life! Praying for you with much love!

  34. 1084
    Ramona says:

    Bless you both. (((HUGS))) I can envision the prayers sown in tears that have brought you both so far.

  35. 1085
    Kristin says:

    Gay, your post gives me such hope for those I know hurting. Thank you for a glimpse into the power and healing of our Lord Jesus Christ. I love how you said that God loves me, all of me. What a beatiful reminder that he truly loves us completely, even the parts of each of us that aren’t so lovable. His loved has saved me, and I am so thankful for your healing and testimony.

  36. 1086
    A Siesta says:

    Oh Gay, this gives us all hope for those loved ones!!

    When I saw your picture in Amanda’s Christmas post, I noticed your big smile. You had such a wonderful look on your face…big, happy, joyful and free.

  37. 1087
    sassy1 says:


    What a beautiful reflection of God you are!!! Praise God! Glory to the Most High God!! God is going to use you to spread the gift of HOPE and COURAGE to many!! This scripture just came to my mind:

    II Corinthians 2:14

    But thanks be to God, who always leads us
    as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession
    and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge
    of him everywhere.

    Yes, “Captive of Christ”, your story of hope and strength will change the lives of many, as you “spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere”!!! Praise to the King!!

  38. 1088
    Krista says:

    Dear Gay,
    Your words are moving and powerful. Tears are in my eyes for a friend with a food addiction/eating disorder. For those of us who have not experienced addiction, it’s so hard to understand. When you essentially said “Why would anyone do this??” it’s so dead on. That expresses the cry of a person watching their loved one suffer so miserably. Thank you for giving me your perspective on the years of pain and the years of recovery you have experienced. I have hope for my friend, because of Christ there is no such thing as ‘too far’ when He is in your life and on the thrown in Heaven. Blessings to you and your new life of beauty in Him. He restores the years the locusts have eaten. Thank you for sharing your story with this community.

  39. 1089
    Miss Pamela says:

    With warmest blessings to you we welcome you and your heartfelt blogs. One thousand days…not many of us can say we have gone than long without some type of slip up – Philippians 4:13 is truly your verse. No condemnation here. We love you Gay.

  40. 1090
    Paige says:

    I don’t even know if you are still reading comments now but wow!

    Thank you for being brave enough to write–for being so open about all that God has done/is doing in your life. I was blessed by it.

    Your beginning…talking about remembering what He has brought you through reminded me of a Point of Grace song that gets me every time: Heal the Wound

    listen to it if you haven’t…it is a powerful message that, today, screams your name…in such a God way!

    Much love,

  41. 1091
    Kiersten Griffith says:

    Gay, Praise Jesus for the work He has done in your life. I am a new Siesta, but know from some past studies that your sister has spent countless hours in tears and pray for her family. What a blessing and story of redemption you have to share. I can’t wait to hear more of the work He has done in your life. Isn’t it amazing that He gives us all a different story and yet at the same time they all circle back to the fact that He is the Restorer, and Redeemer or the broken. He certainly brings Beauty from the Ashes!! Love you!! Kiersten

  42. 1092
    Tammy says:

    Oh Gaye, welcome to the siesta family. I just praise God for all He is doing in your life and that you are so willing to share. He has walked with you through fire and refined you and made you beautiful. We love your sweet sister and I know she has prayed for her family and been on her knees. I feel so privilidged that she would let us get to know you. Blessings

  43. 1093
    Diane says:

    Just want to add my voice to the chorus of appreciation for your transparency. This verse came to mind when I read your post: “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
    ~ John 11:4

  44. 1094
    Liz Taylor says:

    Welcome Gay!

    THANK YOU for being willing to share the tough stuff. God is using you in mighty ways and I am excited to be able to cheer you on!

    Sending LOADS of hugs!

  45. 1095
    Christelle says:

    Dear Gay,

    Thank you for being so brave and obedient to share your story! I think so many out there will be so blessed by your testimony, because isn’t this just the kind of problem families love to cover up as long a possible?
    My Daddy was an alcoholic and shortly before his death God did a miracle and flipped his world upside down – and mine with his! Praise a faithful God. We prayed for more than 15 years for that miracle. I got tired of praying, thought it would never ever change. God did not give up, not even once, not even when I lost hope! I can’t wait for the day to meet my Daddy at Jesus’ feet.

  46. 1096
    sheila says:

    Thank you. In God’s Love, sheila

  47. 1097
    Shannon says:

    Just wow. God bless you today, Gay, and every day hereafter…His mercies are brand new every morning.

  48. 1098
    Dianne says:

    Praise God!

  49. 1099
    Shin Ae says:

    Yes! Thank you so much for speaking, Gay. And Beth too, for sharing your sister. There is someone in my life…well, you know the story. It is hard for me to express all the hope this gives me, so THANK YOU both! I’m very excited to read the future installments.

  50. 1100
    Patsy says:

    I am so not sure how this blogging stuff works but here goes. I am so blessed by your story Gay. What a wonderful and awesome God we serve. My story is not like yours but oh with similar results. I was one who did it all right. I was a ministers daughter who was molested and abused in other ways physically and mentally. I chose to get married at the young age of 18 mostly to get out of my abusive home I married a perfect church boy and did everything right. Lived a good life of no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, remained a virgin until I got married and worked in the church being that great mom and wife that I tried so very hard to be. Gosh I tell you I tried very hard to be just perfect. I felt my past was behind me but did not realize how very wrong I was and how I most likely did ALL the things I did for the wrong reasons. Not so much out of a love for God but out of a fear of God not so much unlike my fear of my earthly father. Well after raising two beautful Godly daughters who are now in their 30’s and after 32 years of marrige I walked away from life as I knew it and had an affair with a man who was and is a rebellious as they come. That was actually what attracted me was his blatant rebellion. I always knew what I was doing was wrong but it felt good for that season to feel loved and valued at least that is what it felt like for awhile. In retrospect I lost my Joy, boy howdy how I lost my joy. I lost the respect and love of my Christian friends and the small community I have lived in for more than 35 years. I lost my dear husband, who was not perfect but a good man. I too have made choices later in life that have caused me to lose everything I held very dear. I am back on the road again of trying to find God’s way for my life. My children have forgiven me and my grandchildren love grandma unconditionally. What a blessing that it 🙂 To be honest I still feel very vunerable and try very hard to just take it one day at a time. The other man is a constant draw for me especially when others continue to reject me for the choices I have made. I remind myself daily that this life is but a vapor and it vanishes away so I make the right choices and I hope I am learing to do them for the right reasons. Thank you for your story Gay and may God richly bless you.

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