Meet My Sister

My hands have been frozen on the computer keyboard while I took in the pure profundity of this moment in my personal life and family life and, Lord, have mercy, my spiritual life. When I say that I am about to share something gigantic to me, I am not kidding. I am bug-eyed that this is really happening and it is everything I can do not to type these words to you from face down on the floor. My dear Siestas, it is my great honor to introduce you to my blood sister, with whom I was raised and with whom I shared a room for many years and many secrets. Some crippling. We have known much pain together and much devastation apart and were so close growing up that one of us could hardly be okay if the other were not. Today – and for this moment – we are both okay. And blessed. Redeemed. Forgiven. And, in staggering ways, restored. Only because of Jesus.

Years ago in a speaker/teacher workshop, the consummate Christian communicator, Florence Littauer, taught us to ask ourselves two questions before standing in front of an audience: “Do I have anything to say?” And, “Do people need to hear it?” I can confidently say today that, if Florence Littauer knew my sister and her story, she’d tell her to open her mouth and rarely shut it till God took her Home. Oh, Sisters, does she ever have something to say and do people ever need to hear it!

Please meet my older sister by three years, Gay Tuttle. She and I are two of five siblings who we love as much as we love each other. I do not know anyone well who has a more powerful and genuine testimony than Gay. Her rescue and revival flooded over into mine. God used her healing to add to mine. It is with the hope that God could use it to somehow impact you that I make this introduction.  My heart is pounding with awe and reverence as we release her story – and at times our story – to the public. In her words. I have not edited a single sentence. Here you will find the first of several installments of this story of redemption that, God willing, we hope to share with you over the weeks to come. I don’t want to put her into a time crunch but you could reasonably expect them about 1 to 2 weeks apart. Pray for her as she writes to you. Sometimes we have to relive to RE-LIVE.

As I put her out here for the eyes of multiple thousands, I beg you from the deepest part of my heart to take good care of my sister. This is huge for her and huge for me. Allow her the freedom to talk in the language that she presently speaks and with the terms she presently uses. I believe you will be so blessed. Very few of you Siestas need me to say this but, because I do not want to throw her to even two wolves, I ask you to please refrain from preaching to her. Instead, receive from her. Just let her share with you a vivid flesh-and-blood illustration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. These won’t be articles for legalists. These will be articles for people who do believe or who want to believe with all their hearts that “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Galatians 5:1)  If I didn’t believe you were the kind of people to embrace her with lavish affection, I’d never take this chance. But I know you, Siestas. I know she will be well cared-for here. By the way, she knows you a bit, too. She’s been reading the blog and many of your comments now for a year. So, without further introduction, my beloved Siestas, please meet my beloved Sister, Gay. I am now full-on crying.


Hi Siestas!  My name is Gay and I’m an alcoholic.  I’m not just any alcoholic.  I am a serious, hardcore, dedicated, classic, textbook alcoholic.  I drank just like that for thirty-seven years, all of my adult life, with the exception of the last two and three-quarter years.  Today I have 1000 days of sobriety, nights included, weekends too, consecutive, all in a row, no breaks, no slips and no sneaks.  Now, that might not sound like much of an accomplishment to those who have stayed sober all of their lives or for those who drink responsibly, but for ME, it is a flatout miracle from God!!

To be honest, Sweet Siestas, I have grappled with how to introduce myself on this most-esteemed blog until I almost didn’t come out here at all.  Because I have been “raised up” in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and in our beloved Mercy Street, a church that ministers to many in recovery, the word “alcoholic” just rolls off my tongue.  I don’t even think about it.  It feels right, it sounds right, IT IS RIGHT!!  It is a huge part of who I am and I own that.  My God-given, God-planned deliverance from it is my testimony and I believe with all my heart that there are those of you who have, at the very least, people in your lives who have struggled or are strugging with some similar experiences and need some hope.  That’s about as simple as it gets.  I am quick to blurt it out for another reason as well, possibly the most important one:  I do not want to forget.  I believe that in order to LIVE what I have been delivered to I must REMEMBER what I have been delivered from.

What it was like:

I started drinking at seventeen years old as a rebellious teenager (loved it), continued to do it through the “functioning” years (tolerated it) and moved on to radical self-medicating simply to kill the pain, much of which I caused myself (hated it).  I was given countless opportunities to recover and refused.  By the time I got serious and very scared, it was too late.  I was hopelessly addicted to alcohol, both mentally and physically, and I had lost the power of choice.  So I threw in the towel and proceeded to try to drink myself out of my misery and miserable existence, to death.  And I almost did, many times, but for the radical grace of God.  I lost my husband, my children, my job, the trust of my family, my home, my car, my driving privileges, my self-respect, my dignity, my values, my freedom and the list goes on and on.  I was confined to jails and institutions more times than I can count.  I thought I was a certifiable lunatic because WHO would drink after all that???  And that wasn’t the bottom for me; I ended up homeless and on the street (yes, outside!) for approximately eighteen months.

What happened:

God intersected into my life like a burning bolt of lightning and in the blink of an eye my story took an abrupt about-face and became His Story.

What it is like now:

A thousand days of sobriety and a God bigger than life Who requires a lot of WORK from me, have molded and chiseled me into far more than an alcoholic.  I am a loving and responsible mother, sister and friend.  I am a dedicated employee and member of Mercy Street who believes in its mission and lives it OUT LOUD.  I am a driver with a valid Texas drivers license and insurance, a car owner, townhouse dweller, volunteer, law-abiding citizen, taxpayer (ugh), sponsor, sponsee and recovery coach.  I sit on three committees that are a part of the Houston Area Recovery Initiative for the fourth largest city in the country.  I am a Servant and Lover of God who is fully dedicated to following His will for my life which is to share my experiences, both there and back, and offer hope of God’s deliverance for all who suffer from a similar seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

I hope to offer a unique perspective, possibly even tilting the axis a bit (in a good way), of an intimate relationship with this most Mysterious Jesus God who never leaves us or forsakes us no matter how far down the scale we have gone.  I love Him because He loves me, all of me.  He first loved me!  I had been taught that as a child and had sung Jesus Loves Me since I could form words.  Yet I had forgotten that while I was out there in the wilderness, pounding the hot concrete with bare feet.  I didn’t know the love, grace and mercy of God until I walked off of that concrete and began the journey out of the pit, to hope and a future, to FREEDOM.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,”  Isaiah 61:1-3

I am going to tell you my story, Sweet Siestas, if you care or dare to listen.  I promise I will be honest and candid, direct and to the point.  I will try my best not to ramble on about the problem without moving quickly to the solution.  For me, not just any alcoholic, there is but One Solution.  Not just any God.  It takes a God the size of the universe, bigger and badder than them all, to accomplish for us and through us what we cannot do for ourselves.  It takes the all powerful, all consuming, all merciful Crazy Love of Jesus and our full acceptance of who we are in and to Him.  It takes a willingness to do WHAT HE ASKS, which is A LOT.  It takes honesty and authenticity.  This is Who I Am and it only matters what God thinks because of Who He Is.  Then its Katie bar the door!  Here am I, send me, all of me, scars, limps and all.  And He will and He does because He loves us with a love that transcends all barriers and which is, well … indescribable.  Brennan Manning, my second favorite author, wrote these words in The Furious Longing of God:  “Employing adjectives such as furious, passionate, vehement, and aching to describe the longing of God are my mumbling and fumbling to express the Inexpressible.  Yet, I plod on.” Please bear with me, my Siestas, while I mumble and fumble to express the Inexpressible.


Dear Jesus God, You know that the absolute best prayer I ever prayed in my life was the simplest of all prayers:  God, Please Help Me!  I’m praying it again now, Dear Jesus.  Please help me to be effective in Your world and for Your glory and honor alone.  Please help me to shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night, to the wounded and broken who need a shred of hope because everyone needs some, Lord.  I love you with all my heart and soul.  I am Yours, all of me.  Amen.


1,534 Responses to “Meet My Sister”

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  1. 1351
    donna smith says:

    What a phenomenal entry. I first read your third entry and then had to come back to the beginning. Praise God for where you are now. My father drank himself to death at age 41. Being a good daughter I married an alcoholic, became a nurse and have been a care taker all my life. All that is to say I understand what you are saying. God Bless you, I am happy to meet you. I now have 2 of you 2 look up to! lol

  2. 1352
    Lori says:

    Dear Gay, I met you from afar last night at Beth Moore. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story! When things are left hidden, Satan can come and continue to destroy. I have shared your story on my own personal blog at
    I know that you are super busy and a mini celebrity now:), but if you have time you can read my most recent post about YOU and my very first post which shares my testimony. Praying for you sweet sister!

  3. 1353
    Lori Morris says:

    I am more than Thankful, more than blessed, more than respectful to you trusting us to share…my sister, 3 years older than I; best of buddies while growing up; shared rooms, lives etc. is still “out there” after AA and treatments too numerous for her and all of us (family of 10 children growing up) to count. I cannot even express to you the timeliness of you and Beth’s (God’s) expression through your story. My sis is as we speak “away from” her family, children and now 4th husband on her downward spiral that has been the “mother load” of all years…48 years old, lost priv. to drive etc. Your truth is giving me Hope when I truly thought she is gone for good. I LOVE Acts 3 HE IS THE ONLY HOPE, but it is sure awesome to have some flesh with it all! We are all still praying for her but very bewildered to say the least. Again, THANK YOU for being willing servants!

    • 1353.1
      Tina says:


  4. 1354
    Sheila says:

    Gay, I am sitting here in tears. Tears because I know this story. It’s not mine, but that of someone I dearly love… my ex-husband. Thank you for your candid insight (I read your second entry first and now this one). It gives me insight to the pain he continues to experience and encourages me to continue to pray for his healing; not so that we can be together, but so he can be FREE. I want that so much for him. Thank you from the deepest depths of my heart.

  5. 1355
    Staci Pealock says:

    Your history is now “HIS”tory – God bless!

    Go Get’em for JESUS 🙂

  6. 1356
    Colleen says:

    Awesome testimony Gay! I got sober New Yrs Eve 2004. I get everything you say. I too feel like a walking miracle. I remember taking Beth’s DAVID bible study and he says once something like Why me God? How is it that I am the one you chose to rescue and bless so much? (of course it’s in much more eloquent language, but this is the message). I feel that way as it sounds yuo do. But someone in AA once told me that God is in the HOW and God is in the WHY. Don’t ask HOW or WHY…just say thank you and use yuor life for His good and bless others. Love, Colleen

  7. 1357
    Linda Kagey says:

    Gay is an amazing woman. Thank you for your story.

  8. 1358
    Kathy Taylor says:

    God bless you Gay and Beth for publishing this on your blog. I don’t know how I missed it! I’ve been reading the content for the past year and somehow the introduction to your dear sister and testimony slipped by me! I receive it and am praying for God to use it. May your words bring much healing to many. Beth, I’m loving the James study. I live in Orlando, FL and there are three groups doing it simultaneously (and that’s just the ones I know about!). I got my book and immediately pledged to do level 5 to memorize the whole book. Lord help me do it! Both of your journeys of redemption astound me. What a huge God we serve! Amen!

  9. 1359
    Leah McGraw says:

    Here my story about trust. I hope it will bless anyone who reads it.

    My son, Mason, is such a worrier. He’s always asking me question such as:
    “Mom, what are we doing? Where are we going? How will we get there?”
    I said “Mason, have I ever led you wrong? Have I ever not taken care of you? Have I ever not gotten you where you needed to be?”
    “No ma’am.” He replies.
    So I asked, “Then Mason, why can’t you just trust me?”
    Then I heard God say….”Leah, I’ve never led you wrong. Why can’t you TRUST ME?

  10. 1360
    Linda says:

    I too am an addict, I turned my back on God, my whole family (a big one) prayed for me for years. Every time we all got together for a family reunion, I would hate it. They all were happy and I wasn’t. When I decided I needed to stop taking all the meds I was on, I ended up in a horrible mental hospital with the real criminals, I had 2 TIA’s they did not treat, It took me another year to get to where I could go outside, When I did, I had been very sick, thought I was going to die and didn’t care. Well a neighbor saw me, came to me brought me and my dogs into their house and prayed with me and took me to church with them. I walked down the isle that day, with my cane barely able to function and I have not looked back. God saved my life. Period. I love my church and go to Bible study and have my sisters and brother to call when I get confused. I have been sober since 9/29/09 and my life is better in every way. I love Jesus and everyone knows it. I tell everyone I can. I have only read this first page, my sister Cathy sent this to me. I love her so much. I love everyone now.. I have new eyes, my heart is open and I feel Jesus loves me. I am so Blessed and I will work hard to become a better Christian every day. I love you Cathy. I love Gay, thank you for sharing this story! Linda

  11. 1361
    Jan McMullen says:

    How brave and dear of you to share your life to help others. May God Bless you and your entire family forever!

  12. 1362
    Tanya says:

    Ok. Wow. Thanks for being open. Its very very scary. And yet the fact that you were there…and now not there…the testimony that God loved you when you were there…and not just because you’re not there now…I’m leaving this under ‘first installment’ but I’ve read the second too.

    Thanks. May the Lord continue to give you courage and to sustain you. Its very very hard to open up. I admire your bravery.

    And I’m sending link to my sister in law who need hope. Thanks again. 🙂

  13. 1363
    Mel says:

    As my marriage has come to a screeching hault this week, and my husband is ready to walk. I have been tempted at every corner to pull in and buy a bottle to ease the pain. A life that I have been away from for 12 years. I love the Lord as much as any. I have walked an obedient walk. I press hard into Him daily. Thank you Gay! I know I did not stumble upon this blog tonight, it was directed and appointed by our Lord. I will rest in His mighty palms and stand firm in His mighty hands. Thank you Lord for using Gay in my life today! The enemy did not win tonight. It took work on my part, to not fall. I am so glad for my fear of the Lord. Glory to Him, in what He did tonight!

  14. 1364
    Melody says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. You are truly an inspiration and I will pray that the Lord continue to guide you and bless you. I have been in and out of recovery for 19 years and God never gave up on me, thank you Jesus! After another very brief slip, I have been clean and sober now for 1 year. God has delivered me from so much! He is amazing! He keeps every promise and each day, with His help, I find myself becoming who He created me to be and who I always longed to be. I am finally believing I am enough and everything I need is inside me. He is teaching me how to tap into it. How amazing to be free! And ONLY by the grace of God! Hugs to you my new friend. Melody Keely

  15. 1365
    Julie says:

    I am wiping away my tears as I’m typing this. Bless you for having the courage to write this and share it. I am so touched by reading your story. It gives me hope.

  16. 1366
    sue says:

    Dear Gay. thank you for the hope and encouragement you have brought to me for my family.. Seems that drinking is made to seem so carefree and fun and is destroying so many young people. I admire your spunk and honesty and the hope you are bringing to us….

  17. 1367
    Heather Guilbert says:

    Beth, Thank you for sharing your sister with us! She is wonderful!
    Gay, Thank you for being honest and sharing Gods testimony in your life. You are beautifully & wonderfully made! Praise God for your openness, honesty, bravery,courage, strength, & Faith! You are a survivor & now gets a huge victory! Praying for your continued faith and Joy in the Lord. For God to bless you & your amazing ministry to the healing power God the almighty!

  18. 1368
    jenny says:

    I’m thankful for the encouragement and words of wisdom from Beth Moore’s book “insecurity”. My insecurity is hurting me so much….I pray that God will heal me and love me. Take care of me and my son. For me to be a mother and father to him..although we’ve been separated for so long cause i have to work overseas to give him a good education and future.May the Lord guide and protect him always because i’m a single mom. Can’t always be home but trying to do my best. Pray for me.

    • 1368.1
      Beth says:

      Oh, Jenny, this I know. God DOES love you and so desires to bring healing to your heart. I pray that He will take your hand and lead you step by step. You can trust Him.

  19. 1369
    Treeta Mayfield says:

    My first time to follow blog and I feel so blessed about how God got me here to read it.
    Thank you for being authentic, transparent and real for us.

  20. 1370
    Diane Dikes says:

    Gay.Thanks to God.I have been in AA since 12/31/83.I was 33.I was into drugs

  21. 1371
    Diane Dikes says:

    I hit submit accidently??I am so happy to hear another one of us has been saved by our Lord and Savior Jesus.I am studying the James study by your sister and heard about you.I will add you to my prayer list.I am currently going thru my own valley..again..but by the grace of God I have not found it neccesary to take that drink or drug. It sounds like you have jumped into the program with both feet,body and head, heart and soul.God bless you and hold you close. Your siesta in sobriety and in walk with the Lord. Diane Dikes

  22. 1372
    Nancy says:

    Thank you Gay for sharing your story. It takes courage to do so. My sister also HAD an addiction of alcoholism/drugs and had a very similar story as yours! She started at the age of 12yrs. By the age of 40 had lost everything (husband, children, home, job etc). I am very close to my sister and love the Lord Jesus Christ with all my being! I never stopped praying for my sister and Glory to God she is now living for Him and also sharing her testimony to others just like you are. She speaks at schools and also at different meetings. She has been studying to be a drug/alcohol counselor. I’m happy with my sister’s accomplishments and do give Glory to God almighty. I am happy with your accomplishments too!! It is a big toll on the family to see the devestation that comes along with the addiction but thanks be to God for his deliverance! Continue on in God’s Blessings as you minister to all the many hurting people out there that need to hear your testimony. You are a blessing 🙂 Thank you

  23. 1373
    Iron Heart Pinkney says:

    Gay, Keep up the good work; both on your sobriety and helping others with theirs. I will have 32 years of sobriety in July of this year and still work with those just starting out in recovery. It is such a blessing to be able to help those who are where I once was and to know that someday they will help others. A friend of mine sent me the link to this page and I am grateful that I have friends in my church family that support me in the ministry of recovery.

    Iron Heart

  24. 1374
    Tracie Pounds says:

    Dear Gay,

    I was given a copy of your testimony in my small group. We were doing your sisters study on James. I tucked it away and thought I would read it sometime within the coming week. Little to my surprise God woke me up at midnight and I was awaken until after 2am I found myself grabbing my bible and notebook and inside was your testimony. I began reading your testimony and couldnt stop weeping as you reflected your life story on the pages of the blog and your transparency and realness was so powerful I began to weep. I ran a women and childrens shelter and many of the things you spoke of was areas of womens lives that I have seen lived out from AA meetings to some of the struggles you spoke of throughout your testimony. You have so much to give to others and God is going to use you in so many ways that I you may never truly comprehend. Thank you for sharing your story!
    You truly blessed my soul and encouraged me to continue to reach to the broken, wounded, hopeless, and give them the love of Jesus that they so desparately are searching for.
    Your sister in Christ.
    Tracie Pounds

  25. 1375
    Karen says:

    I sat at my desk crying this morning. One of the women in my prayer group sent this to me. God speaks so clearly at times. I am amazed at his love!!!! I too have a sister who is two years older than me. We shared a room growing up and have had a special love for each other our whole lives. I have been sober now 8 years and have been praying for my sister Mary for a very long time that she too would receive the awesome God given gift of sobriety. She called me last Tuesday and asked me to take her to the hospital to detox and stay and get sober. She is in rehab now for 30 days and she is one week sober today. I have missed my best friend, my sister, my confidant, my prayer partner for so long. I know it is a long hard road, but I also know that God carried me when I could not walk on my own. Awesome story! Awesome timing! Dried my tears and am hopeful!!!

  26. 1376
    JoAnne Raynor says:

    Before I start I have to say the only reason I and my sister are still standing is by God’s grace!!! Our story begins New Years day 2009. I received a phone call from my brother that night telling me that my nefew had shot his new wife of 4 months and he then killed himself. This was a real shock because they were both in there 30’s beautiful people with nothing but opportunities before them. The police did say achohol was involved.

    I am going to tell God’s blessing from this, a friend of my sister wanted to start a home Bible study. My sister wanting to stay busy and having the gift of hospitality said that the group could meet in her house. They had picked a Beth Moore study – my sister who was hosting the study heard the gospel message and has become on fire for the Lord. Praise God!

    During this same year my son found a wonderful girl and a wedding was planned. The morning of the wedding my son and his best man and one of his grooms men were hit by a gentlemen who ran a red light. My son was in the back seat, it was a warm day and his window was open. From the impact of the collison he was thrown out of his car and run over by a approaching car. Everyone involved in the accident praise God only had scrapes and bruises. Tommy the best man, who was a Army Ranger called my husband when they were on the way to the hospital and told him that Chris didn’t make it, and that he was going to the hospital. I was upstairs with the biggest worry of fitting into my dress after the rehearsal dinner. My sister was downstairs and called me to come down something was up. Jeff and I went directly to the hospital – even though you have heard your only child has died you still can’t believe it until you hear from the surgeon. We walked into the hospital and everyone went silent – then we were lead to a little room and the dreaded message came. I called Chris’s fiance and told her she and her bridesmaids and the wedding party came to the hospital. The church had a wake instead of a wedding that day. We greeted everyone that thought they were going to a wedding at the front door of the church, in our shorts and flip flops. Then went to the reception restaurant so everyone could collect themselves. God was so kind to us the following year with the court case, keeping our jobs, looking back only by His grace could we have made it through.

    I did have a time with achohol, it was the only way I could relax. It is interesting how it does creep up on you that you need to let it go.

    Now the good part – God has blessed my marriage, he has retired and I am still working full time. Both much stronger Christains.

    If someone ever wants to know if God is real and if he can bring you through hard times, send them to my family and we will set them straight!

    I am in your Revelation study this year! Awesome!

  27. 1377
    Missy Resch says:

    Are you kidding me? Really? My name is Missy and I am a real alcoholic. One of the same kind. God has saved me from so much but one thing I have longed for is to hear the testimony of another woman, another mother, another believer who lost the will to live by drinking away her pain. I am so grateful my friend sent me this link. I am so blessed to hear your story Gay. May God bless you abundantly. Missy Resch

  28. 1378
    Jane says:

    Applause, applause! Just…applause!!

  29. 1379
    Kay Wible says:

    Thank you for your open heart and authentic life…for letting God change you, use you, shine through you! Your story is powerful and precious, as are YOU!

  30. 1380
    Cindy Smith says:

    Thank you for your honesty in sharing this journey you’ve been on. I can already tell that I’m going to love the ending. I sit here with tears streaming down my face because I’m too familiar with loving someone in my family who is struggling this very minute with alcohol and drug addiction. He’s been sober for 10 days, sort of by force. He was drunk 10 days ago and had a fall. That led to a trip to the ER and to make a long story short, he had a quadruple bypass yesterday. His lifestyle has caught up with him and it was when he least expected it. We are grateful to the Lord for giving him this second chance of sorts and I’m just asking Him to show me what to do. No judging, no preaching, etc. Just show me how to love him and lead him to Jesus. I don’t think, or I know there’s no other way to beat this. I’ll be his caretaker for the next day and night and honestly, I’m a little afraid. Because of your story, I have hope. You have encouraged me and I’m praying for you as you continue to serve Jesus and allow him “to work things together for his good. “

  31. 1381
    Patricia Crawford says:

    Dear Gay,

    Alcoholism ran and is running rampant still in my family. I know its power. I Praise God you are leaning on Jesus, a Power by far greater than the bottom of any bottle. I have been alcohol free for 8 and 1/2 years now, bar one night when I took my eyes of Jesus.

    Continue on the path sweet sister.

    Love in Christ

  32. 1382
    Sharon Brown says:

    I love you already Gaye!! I am going to share this story with a youth pastor at our church. He is a guy though.Is that alright?:) He just shared last night at our parenting class that he is still praying for his brother who is 42. Dean had been delivered after “his lost decade” as he calls it and his brother is still quite lost and drinking. He says he is beleiving God and still praying. Your story will give him hope for his brother.
    Love Ya,
    Sharon from Minnesota

  33. 1383
    angela says:

    I will pray WITH you and FOR you as you share. I love the motto *WE DO HARD THINGS.* You do indeed. What a testimony to God’s Grace.

  34. 1384
    Peggy Seay says:

    And there are people who say “there is no GOD”!!!!!

  35. 1385
    Nancy Jinks says:

    Thank you for your willingness to be open and honest with the places you’ve been and how God has delivered you. I have a question.

    My son, who will be 42 this year has been an alcoholic and drug addict since he was 15. It progressively worsened over the years.

    This is my question…..were you ever angry with your family? i.e. did you feel they should “help” you in any and every situation? My son is so angry and hostile towards everyone and everything that he “feels” lets him down. Until the last few years, I have been on the receiving end of his anger. Only recently have I just stopped trying to reason with him at all and don’t respond to any of his rants. I have not, however, stopped praying and begging God to intervene in Paul’s life.

    If you did display anger, how did your family handle that? It is so heartbreaking and I know I cannot be the only mother who has this.

    Thank you and God bless you!

  36. 1386
    Marion Gilmore says:

    Hi, Gay! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Our family background is alcoholism…and I know that our Lord was closer by me than I realized. At one point, I could’ve went way down… I’m sure you are a remarkable woman like your sister, Beth! God Bless You, Gay!!

  37. 1387
    Melody says:

    Gay,I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with the effect of family alcholism.I came to your sisters blog today for encouragement since I was feeling very low and stumbled across your testimony!God always amazes me with his God stops in my daily life.I am atttending a Christ centered recovery group called Celebrate Recovery which has been God’s way of miracle healing in my life.My mother is a recovering alcholic and my husband is struggling with drug addiction.Seems like my life has always been this.I used to cry out to God and tell him how unfair it was that I had to struggle with this my whole life and I was always holding my breath waiting for the bottom to fall out because I knew it was coming it always did.At one of my very low points my marriage in shambles,I had three children I really didnt know due to my obsession with fixing my husband’s life so mine might get better or so I was sure,my pastor introduced Celebrate Recovery to our church and asked me to come.What a miracle he began to perform in my life that day. I began an unbelievable journey with Jesus that day that has continued over the past 8 years.i would like to say I experienced instant healing;however,that was not God’s plan for my life.He wanted some effort from me so he could start a relationship to begin to heal my hurts,habits and hangups one at a time.I have a great relationship with my children today even though my husband is still struggling with addiction.I am struggling with fear today, fear of the future and not knowing what the outcome will be for my family.Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.I know God brought me to it today to whisper in my ear I am your Savior and I am your hope and I needed to hear it.Please dont stop talking to us.

  38. 1388
    Barbie says:

    I am crying as I read this because I am a working alcoholic. My counselor wants me to go to inpatient to detox and I am scared to death! Please pray!

  39. 1389
    Becky says:

    My brother is an alcoholic,my husbands father was an alcoholic,and so are a few of his brothers. I will read your story Gay,in order to love my brother,and not to be angry.God is the solution,and I thank you for letting me read your story.God’s blessings to you.

  40. 1390
    Ruthy says:

    Dear Gay,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s refreshing to hear such honesty and to know that there is Hope for a better life and that God can pick us up no matter how far we fall. Blessings to you and Beth for your willingness to share. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

  41. 1391
    Kally says:

    I’ve heard about you from your family and I know they had all prayed for you. I’m so happy that God has found you I too am just finding him and it is a blessing. My biological father is an alcoholic who has given in to the bottle and has lost so much. Coming from the other side I’m so proud that you have given it up. I can’t even begin to imagine the struggles you have been through but I will keep all of your family in my prayers and I do truly wish you all the luck and may God be your shinning light. He is always there we just have to listen for his word.

    God is with us all

  42. 1392
    Pat W says:

    Hi. I’m so glad this is still on here, I hope it stays for a while. gonna read them now, all in a sequence. been having some pain, and not been on here for a long while. hope to come back tomorrow, thank you for listening . pat.

  43. 1393
    Sharon says:

    I have only read the very first part, an introduction so to speak, but I am so grateful for your sharing. I am an L.P.N. working in drug and alcohol rehab. It is a beautiful place and has a relatively successful program, but there is something heart wrenching in the way we are expected to refer to our very intimate, loving, rescuing Father. Due to the requirements to offend and leave out no one, we are told to relate things (if in a Spiritual context at all) in the context of my/our Higher Power. I understand the reasoning behind this, I truly do, but I struggle so much with what I know would help so many if I could just share with them, this Jesus I know. It feels stifling, I know I accomplish good here. I know clients see a difference. Clients have told me I was put here at this time by God for a special purpose. Perhaps this is my training period to learn to live it without saying it. But for each one who leaves and doesn’t make it I wonder “If he or she had met Jesus, come to know their Heavenly Father by name, might it have made THE difference? Gay, your testimony is a reminder to the rest of us to never give up on prayer for anyone in our lives. Thank you for baring your heart to help us all. Anotha Siesta

    • 1393.1
      cathy says:

      Pat, I just want to encourage you. I am an Rn and have experienced the same frustrations and I share your concerns. What I have experienced and know is that God sees the big picture and that he can use bits and pieces of our lives to lead others to Christ or to as is often said “plant the seed in one,s life”. The Holy Spirit is at work always and he can use a kind word, a loving look or a compasionate tone to show people to himself. Somewhere in scripture it talks about us being a written book or a written epistle for others to read. Our lives and the way we lead them often speak more about Jesus and his power that by us just telling them. I hope these words will help you. Thank you for being concerned for the addicted and allowing God to use you to help them. I see so many of my fellow nurses who are even Christians who look down up the afflicted and refuse to show empathy and caring. I even sometimes get frustrated and find myself in the same mode. But, God reminds me that I know first hand the havoc that is brought on by those struggling with the influences of addiction and the lives that it destroys or cripples both to them and their loved ones. Then I pray that God will give me the words to say and that God,s love will be shown to them through me. God bless you.

  44. 1394
    Peggy Seay says:

    I cannot tell you the number of times that I revisit this particular page. Just to be reminded time and again that yes there is HOPE. Just to be reminded that I am not alone in this dark, pain filled world.

  45. 1395

    thank you Gay for your transparency and bravery to share your story in this platform. I so identify with being the sister who screwed up for so many years..and today, get to be the one declaring HIS story of amazing redemption for the world to hear! keep on keeping on!! he is using every detail and every hurt in my life to bring healing to women and men and i am so honored and grateful.
    reading this post this morning inspired me to keep moving forward, especially with writing the harder stuff!!
    thanks and may God continue to bless you as you minister to broken women!

  46. 1396
    Sam says:

    So honored to meet you, Gay; and so glad to read
    your story. My dad died before he reached the
    age of 42… an alcoholic … Folks need to know
    There is Hope and His Name is Jesus. Thank you
    for sharing His story in you. Love you!

  47. 1397
    Cathy C. says:

    Dear Gay,

    As they say in the rooms, you are telling my story! Thanks for your courage in sharing your journey. I too am a recovering alcoholic. It has taken a long time, but I thank God for being an alcoholic because it has led me to an intimate and trusting relationship with Him. I had to get so far down, the only way to look was up. Thank God He is always there and loves me no matter what and this is what gave me hope when I was in the darkest of places.

    Love in Christ,


  48. 1398
    terry mccutcheon says:

    I was so moved by your new at this whole thing . I am amazed at the people i see in the program. I would love to have coffee and hear more about your recovery. Terry McCutcheon 281-798-9300

  49. 1399
    cindy wood says:

    thanks for sharing your story. I can so identify with your story, and blessed by Gods Grace. I am looking forward in whats to come!!!!

  50. 1400
    Daneen Theobald says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I came to meet and know Jesus around the tables of Alcoholics Anonymous. As it says in the big book “Faith without works is dead”.
    Thank you for your footwork! I believe that many more will come to know our amazing Lord, because of your testimony. Praise God for the imperfections that He works out for the good!

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