Hey, Darling Things! I am sitting at a Cafe Express in Houston on yet another gorgeous Spring day while Melissa (home for Spring Break) is meeting with a Wordpress moderator so she (and we) can develop some proficiency on this format. It’s more complicated behind the scenes than you might think. She wanted me to be part of the tutoring session but I told her that I needed to do this post. Then she suggested that I come along but sit at a different table while we do two different things. I tried planting myself only three tables over but I’m interminably nosey (does it go with size of nose??) and kept listening to what they were saying. I prefer to do that with total strangers, especially couples that appear to be on first dates, but not many people are at Cafe Express this morning for breakfast and no one appears to be dating. Does anyone really date anymore anyway? A subject for another day.
I am happy to be here just the same whether or not the people watching is paltry. The coffee choices are enough to keep me intrigued. You don’t just get coffee here. You get choices like these in big huge cannisters:
“Equatorial Coffee” – “hints of buttery toast (who knew? no need to even eat breakfast with it??), cocoa nib (i love me some cocoa nib! i just didn’t know it! what is a nib exactly? like a little niblet?), almond, bold fruit, sweet (no one ever tells me I’m sweet. fun on occasion. never “you’re so sweet.” i don’t know why.), bright and clean.”
And
“Costa Rican Coffee” – “balanced (that’s me), clean (in Christ), classic (wannabe), winey (only when I don’t get my way. a lot of southern baptists don’t believe in being other kinds of whiny)with berry notes (berry notes? as in music notes? or as in sticknotes?), rich in body (is there no way we can get away from this?).”
So, as you can see, I’m dealing with a few distractions. And have had a bit too much Costa Rican. I think I’m allergic to berry notes. Melissa and I had an awkward moment when we pulled up in the parking lot and started stacking up our stuff to come into the restaurant. I have a paperback copy of SLI that I use to prepare our weekly discussions. All the sudden I flashed it at her and said, “I can’t take this in there.” How lame would that be? She said, “Tear off the cover.” So I did. Ripped that thing right off.
It’s time for us to finish up! I am so grateful for your partnership through this journey. You were such a big part of the inspiration to write it (not because you’re insecure or anything… but because I knew I’d have a little company if I went public). When it came out, reading it together seemed only fitting. Thank you for your willingness to enter in. As for the rest of you, I can only imagine that you will be relieved to have this hog off the blog and I equally thank you for your patience.
Let me say quickly before we get to the final set of instructions, I loved reading about your life passions last week! One of my favorite sets of comments from this journey! (And, separate from SLI, your testimonies of receiving Christ impacted my whole Easter weekend. Superb. I felt that God delighted in it and that, Sweet Thing, is my favorite feeling.)
This week’s assignment? Finish this baby up! Please read Chapters 17 and 18 and answer the following questions:
1. Based on Chapter 17, on a scale of 1 to 10 (one-almost none, ten-over the top), how big a part has fear played in your life? After responding with your approximation, please share what, if anything, in the chapter resonated with you.
2. Reflect over the journey as a whole. What (again, if anything) lasting and of God will you take away from it?
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ladies. You are a great joy to me. May the God of peace sanctify us through and through – spirit, soul, and body – until we are wholly overtaken by Him. (1 Thess. 5:23) This alone will be the essence of wholeness.
I love you.
Dear Beth, I want to 1st of all THANK YOU for writin such a God Inspired book with a topic that has haunted me my entire life. I always knew I was insecure but did not know to what level it has hindered my walk with God as well as relationships. I am a 30 something with a middle school daughter that is dealing with all the same issues I did and sometimes still do. I find as her issues surface mine do to. But I am a recovering insecureaholic by God’s amazing grace! I wanted to know if you had given any thought to writing a book geared toward pre-teen and teen ladies. I see the astronomical issue for young teens today. They question everything about themselves and how to fit in while being noticed at the same time. I am sharing some of the thoughts from the book with my daughter but she’s constantly saying “Oh mom….you don’t understand, it is different from when you were in junior high. Well, I just reasure her some things are no different. Help! Please!!!!! I think God gave me my daughter to cause me to be on my face daily for His patience, grace, wisdom, strength and discernment all to empower me to be the mom He has called me to be.
I am so grateful for being set free of my insecurities thus and continual liberty. This book is a priceless tooln for which I am eternally grateful. You expressed every thought and emotion I felt my entire life. It is such a comfort to know I am not from Outer Space and other woman have the same thoughts and fears I do. Better yet we are all getting set free from those thoughts and fears every day! Thank you Beth for being so transparent! God uses everything to His glory!
How big a role has fear played in my life?? Got to be a 9 or higher! Whether doing all I can to avoid it, or drowning in it, or pushing through it, it has formed me from the inside out.
I have two kitty cats that I love dearly. They are inside only, and sometimes I feel really bad for them. They sit inside and look out the windows watching “kitty TV” and I think that they are missing out on so much. Well, under the weight of this guilt, my husband and I decided one time to take our older cat (the only one we had at the time) outside. We wanted to keep her safe, of course, so we bought a harness and a leash, loaded her in the car, and took her to the park. Feel free to laugh any time now! The poor thing! She immediately ran for cover and sat and cried under the park bench! I relate. I watch movies like “The Chronicles of Narnia” or read books with striking heroines who fight hard for their loved ones, and I want to rush out the door and fight in the battle. Then I get there and I find myself under the park bench, crying in fear and desperately wanting the safety and security of my little home again.
God had enough foresight to have me, a woman who constantly fears letting others down, being disliked or judged, and conflict, marry a man who was called to the ministry. I face every one of those fears on a daily basis, sometimes three times over! God also gave me a job as an ICU nurse, which forced me to get up and go to work everyday not sure what I would walk into or have to handle that day…and just as unsure if I was going to be able to. Some days I struggled to be sure.
My fear has robbed me of the blessing of participating in some great battles I’m sure. I’ve sat many out cowering in fear inside the walls of my own personal comfort. God loves me too much to let me miss out though, and has gently pulled and pushed me into situations where I had to fight. Where I had to face my fears and sometimes live them out. Like the patient who codes and we can’t do anything for them. Or simply walking through the doors of a church in conflict, not knowing what others think of me at that time or who to trust when what I really wanted to do was high tail it for the hills!! Those times have played a bigger role in my life than the fears I didn’t face, because they have been the fires through which God refined me into the woman he wants me to be. Every time He strips me of the things that I cling to for false security, like others approval or my own ability, I come face to face with what should be the source of my true security-God himself. And in the face of Him, those other things are shown to be just as frail and untrustworthy as they really are. The result? A little more courage and trust the next go round. Slowly but surely I’m going to become a warrior who runs out the door to meet the battle head on! Thank you Jesus!
How big a role has fear played in my life (1-10):
Probably at about an 8 or a 9 with relational, emotional, and spiritual things. I have been very much motivated by fear in those realms, often worrying about rejection and what others think of me.
Many things in this chapter resonated with me, a few being: That we think we can “jinx” fear with the idea that “If I worry about it, it will NOT happen”. Wrong. Also, the illustration (which I think Beth shared in the Esther study, too, and it spoke to me then as well) of following our worst fear to the end and seeing that the Lord will be there and victorious in us no matter what happens. If I would believe that. . . then the fear & worry would be gone. Also got my new memory verse with Psalm 112:7-8: She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Her heart is secure, she will have no fear, in the end she will look in triumph on her foes.
What will I take away from this book?
🙂 Actually, it is a victory for me to say that I have learned about myself (and can share with NO insecurity), that it often takes God extra time to get things into my heart, and for things to percolate and then get fleshed out for me–so I am confident that God will continue to use this truth as time goes on. Like I mentioned above, I am going to memorize Psalm 112: 7-8. I have already reminded myself several times in a recent relationship situation that “I am clothed with strength and dignity”, and am starting to see that my heart can be secure even if circumstances are not. Since a few friends have done this study with me, I anticipate that we can encourage one another in walking in this truth.
single
40’s (barely)
O’Fallon, MO
Beth, I wrote for the first time in here this morning and I went on and on. Ha ha ha! It disappeared off the blog and in my insecurities I started thinking, “Well, it was too dumb for these smart girls to read anyway. Beth would have seen right through me and realized how ignorant I was anyway” And “Well, Lord, you probably didn’t want me looking bad so you had it disappear”. Ha ha ha! I sure did need SLI.
But what I will say in fewer words here. I read Psalm 3 today and crossed out all the “enemy” words and put in “insecurities” and the last verse crossed out daughter and put in “Rhonda” and then started reading other Psalms and discovered that you could do that with all the Psalms that use a form of the word “enemy” and insert “insecurity”. It works because insecurity IS our enemy and the Lord IS our security. I’m going to memorize Psalm 3 that way.
I love you for your regularness. I am told I look and act like you. Actually I think my little sister does more, but I don’t have big hair. I DO have a big nose. I can’t wait to meet you in glory and talk “nose to nose” about everything! I won’t come up for heavenly air”.
Oh yes forgot to check the box below.
Hey Mama Beth,
1. I have to say I am one when fear gets a hold of me…I think the worst possible scenario. But something that struck me as when you I will trust God. Period. I wrote that in my journal and in my book. This whole past year I realized has been about trusting God or rather my lack of it most of the time. So that touched my heart.
2. this whole journey has helped me to see I am secure in some areas and yet I have some growing to do…but the growing has started and it is really liberating to me. I want to be obsessed with God and seeking Him in everything. It has been eye opening to me and I am grateful for the journey. I see fresh roads ahead and I am trusting God. Period.
love you
Tammy S.
44
Married
Howells NE
1. Fear scale is a 9. I do let fear hold me back. What resonated with me was that I play fears in my mind but in my mind I pause at the worst part and stay in fear and inaction in that spot. I was so interested in how God instructed Beth to go all the way through the other side of the fear and accept His grace and mercy and trust Him. My husband did leave me a year and half ago and I have recently come out the other side and found complete peace. It has been God’s work in me and really trusting Him that I have peace but I really do have peace now. Actually my fear was that he would die; I didn’t spend too much time thinking he would walk away but he is gone nonetheless. I have experienced the other side of fear in that instance and need to let go of dwelling on or believing all my fears once and for all.
2. Chapter 11 had a big impact on me. Identifying that struggling with insecurity can manifest omnipotence and omniscience were eye opening and I especially took to heart that trying to find out things I wasn’t meant to know is like eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That put a whole new perspective in my head. I also look at my need to control at home differently now and can identify my insecurity. I find myself reciting “I am clothed in strength and dignity” in situations where insecurity pops up frequently now and am thankful that I can trust God in everything – good or bad.
Single
41
MN
This is my first reply, although I’ve read lots of others throughout this study and have appreciated all the transparency and kindness of women sharing together. The fear thing really resonated with me so I thought I’d share. The light bulb turned on in that section. I think fear has played a huge role in my life. It’s been a ten for a number of years. My worst fear used to be losing my mom. Then, she died. It was awful and tragic and way too fast. She suffered immensely. Ever since then, I’m terrified of cancer…and pretty much everything else, especially now that I have a son. I’m terrified to lose him. I think walking through our worst fear and getting to the other side and seeing God’s faithfulness is key. I realize that’s what happened with losing my mom. It’s been 5 years and I know God has held me and my crumpled heart in his hand and carried me through, sometimes with me kicking and screaming, but still. I know now that come what may, “He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because he lives, all fear is gone. Because I know, He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives.” I need to hear it over and over, but that bottom line is there. Thanks for the compassionate, heartfelt reminder. And be encouraged, anyone who is broken hearted. God has not forgotten you.
This is my first time posting on this discussion…I fully intended to start it with y’all but life took over. I have finished the book though. Life changing! That about sums it up for me! In regards to the fear question, honestly, I believe the last bit of the book will forever change me (the book as a whole was insanely impacting, but that last leg got me right in the kisser) The way you shared how the Lord took you beyond your worst fear, to actually imagine it happened, and to see yourself on the other side of it, my goodness that blew me right out of the water! I do the same thing, sit and spend hours of mindless time thinking of “what if.” But no more! NO MORE I tell you! I’ve already put this into practice a few times since finishing the book, and am going to share it at our ladies group this coming week. I’m expecting the Lord to set some other ladies free from that fear as well! I love when the Lord gives that revelation at just the right time, right when you are good and ready to receive it. Man alive, great book. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being so doggone honest. I’m forever changed.
1. Your statement, “Nothing has come more naturally to me than fear,” (pg. 322) resonated with me. I was a fearful child to begin with (having a MelPhleg temperament) and to make matters worse, my choice of television programs increased my fearfulness–Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Mystery Theatre, Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Dark Shadows (Soap Opera), etc. I grew up into a fearful teen who couldn’t sleep with all the lights out for fear of being murdered in the dark and matured into a fearful woman who triple-checked the locks on all the doors and windows if left all alone in the house. I also played out the worst case scenarios in my head, especially after having children. After learning to lean on and trust in God as my ever-present help (thanks to your Bible studies), I began answering my “what if” thoughts with “But God says….” I still have one or two occasionally–usually after I’ve been under stress, and I answer them the same way.
2. I have several pages earmarked that I want to remember and review. Here’s a few things I’m taking away from this journey:
a) God’s will is for me to have my dignity and security restored. (Ps. 8:3-5; Pro. 31:25)
b) I need to seriously stop making comparisons. (Gal. 5:26)
c) “But I have this Treasure….” (2 Corin. 4:7))
d) I am LOVELY (Ps. 84:1)
e) The daily prayer on pg. 346 (as well as the one in chapter 9–as needed)
Georgia
50’s
Single
For most of my life, I would give myself an 8 on the fear scale but for the past 2 years have really been working on trusting God and putting my fears behind me. This is why the discussion on what it really means to trust God starting on page 323 really spoke to me. Instead of praying to God that my worst fears will not materialize, it is better and much more effective to pray for His strength if or when those fears ever do come to fruition. Actually, being unemployed for 16 months ranks as one of my worst fears and God has been faithful to see me through this period. So instead of wracking myself up about when this period will end and how I will make it through financially, I need to focus my energies on trusting God to keep seeing me through what happens. Getting this knowledge hammered into me is also the answer to question 2 on what is my biggest take-away from this book. GOD I TRUST YOU is a very powerful prayer that I have been reciting for the past 6 months and this book has given me the determination to keep doing that.
1) I’d give myself a 9 or 10. I tend to worry about everything!!! I often find myself rehearsing “worst case scenarios” in my head, then am so relieved when they aren’t true. For example, if my fiance is late, I automatically think he’s been in a car accident and has died. I even worry about any future kids and if I’ll be a good parent and hope that they’ll turn out okay…I don’t even have kids yet!! Definitely scenario #2 on p.321 resonated most with me. I even find myself doing that with strangers I see in public when I’m out with my fiance (she’s prettier than me, she’s got bigger boobs, she’s got nicer legs, etc…).
2) The lasting idea that I will take with me is to get over being self-conscience about EVERYTHING and realize and TRUST that God has made me perfect in His image. (Galations 5:25) Also that I will use positive self talk during times I’m feeling insecure. “I am clothed with strength and dignity!” (Proverbs 31:25) and “God gave it to me. It is mine. You cannot have it!”
This has been a wonderful journey for me! I will definitely refer back to this book many times in the weeks and years to come. Thank you so much Beth for allowing me to take this journey with you. I am sad to see it end, however, with the end of the book, I have hope that an end will come to my insecurity! AMEN!!
Just a side note, in the beginning, women mentioned how they took off the cover of the book b/c they were insecure about others seeing they were reading a book about insecurity. Well, I had my cover off, but not for that reason. I’ve felt guilty the whole time for not having it on, but I took my off b/c I would end up ripping, bending and mutilating it. I took it off to preserve it! 🙂
Hey Beth,
I read the whole book over the last 2 weeks, which happened to correspond with miscarrying a pregnancy that my husband and I have prayed for for 2yrs now. I just have to share with you the way God worked…On my way to the Dr. office to make sure that the heartbeat had increased from the week before, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and I was thinking that everything God does is good. So if that is true, then even when our circumstances are less than good in our opinion, we have to trust that that is God’s best for our lives at that moment and something better than that is to come. When I got to the Dr. office, there was no longer a heartbeat. I didn’t even remember that “revelation” until I got home that day, but I realized that God was already preparing me for that moment.
Then I really got into the book over the next few days and the chapter about Trusting God. Period. really resounded with me because that is totally where I was/am. I am trusting Him. I want to be faithful to Him. I don’t want to just talk about the faith I have, I want to live it out loud. I realized as I read that God has been working on my insecurities over the last year. A lot of it had to do with my age and my desire to have children and fitting in and I could go on and on. But my perspective changed that day. I no longer look at my circumstances as something I can control or manipulate, but I pray that God would help me to see Him and to trust Him more. I pray that others would see Him in me. And although I am facing spiritual warfare I am trying to fight back with what I know to be true. His Word.
I want to know what the purpose is for this time in my life and how I can glorify Him with through my experience. He is developing a passion in me for women in my circle of influence. For them to believe He is more than just a name, more than church on Sunday, more than someone to pray to because that’s just what you do when things aren’t going your way, He’s real. He’s adventurous. He won’t let you down. He is secure and He makes us secure. He made us to be the way that we are and He loves everything about us.
Anyway, I’m so thankful for your obedience to Him to write this book and thankful that He placed it in my hands.
Keep livin it out loud,
Heather
Rossville, GA
Heather, I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you right now.
Fear has played a gigantic part in my life. I’d have to give it a 10 plus. For a great deal of my 31 years, I’ve operated out of fear, instead of faith, love, or security as God’s child. One out of many things from chapter 17 that elicited a hearty “Amen!” from me: “Fear of the future makes people settle for things in the present that completely defy abundant life” (p. 332). This is exactly how I lived until a couple of years ago. I settled for where I was at because I was terrified of what might happen if I took a leap of faith. But a year or so ago, I decided that just wasn’t working for me anymore. I didn’t want to look back on my life as an elderly woman (if I made it to that age) and regret all those risks I didn’t take because I was terrified of something that most likely would not happen. I could just picture myself standing before the Lord in heaven answering His, “Child, why didn’t you?” with “I was too afraid.” (Reminds me of a parable Jesus told, hmmm . . .). Jesus came so I can live an abundant life, not a fearful one. Of course, there are times I still feel fear. There are even times I back away from taking a chance because I’m afraid of what might happen. But thankfully, those episodes have become less and less.
This may be cheesy, but “Braveheart” is one of my most favorite movies. No matter how historically inaccurate it may be, I am touched deeply each time I watch it. In one scene, the Scottish rebel leader, William Wallace, speaks to his soldiers before a battle against the English. The Scots are not wearing armor like the grand English army, and the weapons they carry include pretty much anything they could find in their homes. Facing the organized, well-fitted, mighty English on the battlefield, the Scots are intimidated and some decide to leave before the battle starts. One soldier says to Wallace, “Fight? Against that? No! We will run. And we will live.” And Wallace replies, “Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live . . . at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our FREEDOM!”
Throughout this journey, this scene from “Braveheart” has popped up in my thoughts often. I am great at running when I should be fighting. My fears look as mighty and as deadly as did the massive, well-oiled English army to the rag-tag Scots. It would be so much easier to run back to my bed and hide under the covers. But really, what would I gain from that but regret and a emaciated life? I want to be a woman who stands up, arrayed in strength and dignity, and approaches fear with the sword of God’s Truth. So long, insecurity. So long, fear. You might look scary, but I come against you in the the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel! And in the end, I will look on you in triumph.
I have loved every minute of this journey and the community I’ve become a part of. Thank you, Mama Beth for all of your lessons and wisdom, and all you gorgeous, much loved Siestas for sharing your beautiful hearts!
Michelle in TN; 30s and single
Beth (and gang)
I’m curious….when you speak of fear…..does anyone feel like we might be on the door step to a repeat of the Holocaust? Maybe a Christian Holocaust? Does ahyone fear the future as we teeter on the edge of a frightful economy? We are (in our Bible Study) working on Daniel. It’s amazing how much of that could be read in TODAY’S NEWS.
I hear Christian gals saying: “oh they’ve said that Jesus will return back when I was a teen.” Has there ever been this high pitched fever to get the word out like now?
I want to be found working for the Kingdom, being Faithful to the Father, when He returns.
Thank you for your insight.
Angie
Blaire
Topeka, KS
30s
Married
1. I’m going to say a 7. What resonated most with me is that the bottom line is to trust God. No matter what.
2. This has just shown me how much I need to deal with my insecurities on a daily basis. I feel like I could read this book a few times in a row, just to keep drilling the truth into my head and heart. Some of the key Scripture verses you had us learn will stay with me. Waking up in the morning and thanking God for being my security, and for making His dwelling place lovely.
Monica
OHIO
40
Thank you so much for the time and effort you have spent on this book. I have enjoyed it and learned from it and cried over it. I am excited to see you via satellite in Cincinnati in a couple weeks; probably just enough time for my human self to need a good stern talking to and reminder.
My fear scale is a 10 when it’s full blown panic time. Most days it’s a 5. Everything that you wrote in your book is exactly how I feel. I have used your words myself. What’s the worst that could happen? What if it does? What will you do? I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW…I know that God will take care of me in whatever concern or fear I have. I know HE is with me. I know he will use it for good. He has done it in my life so many times already. My problem comes in the fact that frankly, I just don’t want to have to deal with that kind of pain. So many things in my past have been so painful. I have overcome a lot and grown to where I am today; obviously, it took a lot of hard work, prayer, tears, etc……I realized a long time ago that my fear was really only my not wanting to HAVE to deal with it again. IT HURTS so much to lose someone, to death, to end of a friendship, to infidelity, whatever the loss is….I don’t want to LOSE again. THAT is my real fear. Up until the past 6 months, I have let it rule me at times and nearly drove myself and my man mad. The past 6 months, since I have turned 40, I have been noticing growth, struggle in my spirit and change. I understand “why” and want to be that woman of strength and dignity. I was my daughter to see it. I want other young women to see it. I want my husband to see it. I want peace inside above all else.
Thank you again for the biggest bible study that I have had the honor to be a part of. I am grateful to all the women who have shared their stories. It has brought me more confidence to know that we all have issues and we all want peace. I look at other women and people, really, in a whole new light.
Have a great week!
Speaking of fear, I have to share my story of fear that I have dealt with this very week. As I write this from my phone, I am sitting in my hotel room with my husband in San Francisco, CA. My three children are over 2200 miles away with my parents. Every possible fear has haunted me the past several days. What if my children get hurt while I’m gone…what if our plane crashes…what if there is an earthquake while we are here…
I even thought about canceling the trip, but I knew this trip was something my husband and I needed for our relationship. I have prayed several times asking God to help me with my fears, but spent some more time last night and I remembered part of your Esther study where you address these type of fears. This morning as I was sitting in the plane waiting in line for our turn to take off, I pulled out my So Long Insecurity book and started reading chapter 17, for our last assignment. On page 324, you state: “Travel the earth and sail the seven seas.”. Then you share the same information that I remembered from your Esther study. Just what I needed to read!
As soon as I finished reading chapter 17, our flight took off. God’s perfect timing. I knew He had used your book and your words to calm my fears! Thank you!
Kristin
AL
30’s
Married
I’m sad that the book/discussion is over. It’s kinda like when you finish watching a movie and say “I wonder what happens to the characters next.” I’ve enjoyed getting to learn from my fellow siestas and have been encouraged by the fact that I’m not the only one who has struggled with chronic insecurity, and even BETTER I’m not the only one who’s learning how to kick insecurity in it’s ugly face (Chuck Norris style).
1. I hate to say that fear has been about a seven since I got married three years ago. Before then it was probably about a four. Since getting married there’s a deeper level of vulnerability that wasn’t there before. I’ve invested so much of myself in my relationship with my husband that the thought of that relationship ending (by death or otherwise – I was especially threatened by the thought of “otherwise”). It was enough to just about paralyze me and it certainly stole my joy. I was paranoid and suspicious and even though some of my fears were justified, being afraid certainly didn’t accomplish anything beneficial.
2. Beth, we experienced similar “conversations” with God. A few years ago, my fears about my marriage led me to “eat of the knowledge of good and evil.” As a result I read things that were devastating. I felt like my heart dropped straight through the soles of my feet. My question to God was “Oh Lord, Why?” His response: “Do you trust me. Do you really believe that if all else failed, I would be enough for you?” It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I was hoping God would call to mind a verse about smiting the enemy or something about how the wicked would pay. Instead, he reminded me that even if all else falls away and I lose everything that I love, He is enough and He will never leave me or forsake me. It was good to be reminded of that while reading this book. He is enough and He is trustworthy, not because of what He can do for me, but because of who He is.
Thank you for writing this book and letting us walk through the car wash with you. God has revealed things about myself and about who He is through its pages. I look forward to “laughing at the days to come” with my fellow siestas around the world. I’m so thankful that God doesn’t leave us the way He finds us. I’m still a beautiful mess, but He’s gradually washing away the mud I wallowed in for so many years. God bless, sweet Siesta Mamma and my fellow Siestas. Won’t it be neat to fellowship about all this together at the feet of Jesus.
Sarah
20s
Married
New Mexico
Fear in my life is usually around a 4 or 5…..but then the husband is out of work, the daughter is not home from school at the regular time, the medical test came back “not-normal” and my fear factor is instantly a 9. Don’t need a reality show with live but eating to scare the socks off of me. Even tonight, it is about 12:30 am and I have just finished the book because of everything that is swirling in my head. My sister has yet to call me back after several attempts to reach her. She is 49 years old and she is dying. And I’m afraid of her dying before I see her again…what if I can’t get there in time…what if I don’t have enough money to make it…what if she is even too sick to want me there…God if you aren’t going to heal her…at least take her quickly. If I could just turn off my head. What resonated with me? God will work all things–no matter how difficult or devastating–out to MY advantage!!!!
What am I taking away with me….Your prayer for your loved one on pg. 343. “Lord, with every bit of determination in me, I choose to trust You. Period.” He is completely and utterly trustworthy. Today, tomorrow, ALWAYS.
Thank-you for the book. I was more secure on the last page than I was on the first. I will be reading it to my sister this week, if she is unable to read it for herself. Because even if she dies tomorrow, she needs this book tonight.
Melana
Sheridan WY
Married
50’s
I am praying for you and your sister.
Thank-you, Siesta friend. God has made a way. I will be traveling on Thursday to see my sister. Her name is Kathy.
I will be praying for safe travels for you and for your precious time with your sister, Kathy.
Blessings.
You and your books have been a huge blessing in my life but I have needed to have my own faith and that is what God has been trying to show me lately.
1. Fear in my life registers a 9. Lots of abuse and uncertainty in childhood put me in a very insecure, fearful place and that is how I have lived for most of my life. On the outside I have always done a good job of masking the real feelings so much so that a friendship of many years has proven to be a huge mess and an apparent mistake. But, God in his loving, kind way has shown me that I am of great value to Him.
He has blessed me with a great husband (who must be ready for me to “get it”) and three wonderful children. He has also revealed to me that He is enough and that no matter what happens He will be there. He has proven it time and time again.
2. My take away from the book and praying the prayers in it over and over until they finally sunk in, is that God loves me, He is faithful and he has something that only I can achieve for His kingdom. Wow! Talk about significance, who could ask for more?
Thank you for your willingness to share and journey with me/us. Blessings to you and your family.
Married/almost 50/ Ft. Wayne, Indiana
tula – houston, tx – 30 – single
1. Based on Chapter 17, on a scale of 1 to 10 (one-almost none, ten-over the top), how big a part has fear played in your life? After responding with your approximation, please share what, if anything, in the chapter resonated with you.
I would have to say that I’ve operated at a steady 8 for as long as I can remember. I must stop & LEARN to check my heart for what I’m afraid of as soon as a wave of insecurity breaks upon me. I also must learn to trust God. Period. He will take care of me NO MATTER WHAT. This part of the chapter caught my attention too….sometimes trusting God means taking NO FURTHER ACTION. It’s just that simple sometimes…and it’s in these moments that I wonder how complicated I must make my days.
2. Reflect over the journey as a whole. What (again, if anything) lasting and of God will you take away from it?
I already have this treasure, my security, inside of me because I’m the beloved daughter of God. It’s mine. I’m worthy of it because of my God-given dignity. Nothing & no one can take it away from me.
I choose to be a secure woman….I AM a secure woman. Period.
1) I would have to say 10. On page 322 you put a list of fears. That list is very familiar to me. It seems like I can run through that list on any given day in so many different circumstances. But you forgot to put “You may fear failure”, so I added that one to the list in my book. As I was writing the word failure, I actually wrote faith. It caught me off guard. Maybe that’s really it. I fear faith. I fear giving away control, trusting in His will, not mine. Trusting that he will not allow my enemies to triumph over me. Trusting His plan for my life, that I can do it, that it will be o.k. ” The LORD is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” Proverbs 3:26. I knew all that, but as the tears are pouring down my face, I didn’t know it, I didn’t believe it.
2) One of the biggest things I will take with me from this book is that I am not alone. While that was comforting, now I pray that all of us will be clothed in strength and dignity; and laughing at the days to come, filled with complete security. All the old wounds no longer painful just memories. All through this book, I could see and feel Christ changing my heart.
Thank you Beth for your honesty and for your love of women.
And for the last time…
Sharon
San Antonio
40’s
married
OK! Wow! I finished the book and feel like I need to celebrate. What I DID do is claim victory over this insecurity. I marvel again at God’s timing and HIS calendar and how it fits with me.
Again – it feels like you wrote this book JUST for me at JUST this time — proving again how GOD uses you, Beth, and how your obedience to HIM, blesses, teaches, and sustains us.
Fear — I am going to claim that from this point — fear is going to be a ZERO!
I mean, if I put into practice what the book says, if I lean on HIM — I can conquer this. Period. So, how often will it ‘attack’ me again — probably daily or at least weekly, but I am going to claim victory over it. And, I will do that daily, by reminding myself through prayer that the battle is done and there is nothing to fear. And I will use HIS word and hide it in my heart – and USE it.
What will I take away from this? Well, again, God’s timing and HIS perfection is something I talk about everyday with my circle of influence. You see, about 2 years ago, I sat in my living room doing the Ester study when you started that “what if” sequence and walked us through your fear and how God spoke “and then what BEth”. Your honest responses were me — doing those things at THAT time. I bawled and bawled as at that time, my man was expressing he was no longer in love with me. I took that as a total rejection. It was me. I got advice, sought counsel, and prayed and sought HIM, but until I heard you say that on the DVD and ‘lived’ out that illustration — well, I ‘see’ it now and I ‘saw’ it or ‘lived’ it then. And now, you ended the book with this illustration — again, HIS perfection.
I KNOW I will be allright. As my name is IN that Lamb’s book of life. Period. My man ‘still’ can’t really say he loves me, oh he is in my home and we are working on it and some days it hurts me so and other days I GET SO MAD, but now – my dignity will not be lost.
I will laugh at this in the days to come.
I am NOT buying that our 28+ year marraige and time together were not ordained by God — and now — to be put aside if he should decide to walk away like if there is someone else — no no no no no no no no no.
I am not going to give up – I am going to continue to pray and do what HE told me “hangith in there babith” (kay author, sept. 19, 2009 in Orlando at deeper still) and I am going to watch my security in Christ ‘love’ my man as I know when he gets back looking to HIM, and worshiping HIM, he will realize how he feels about me.
So, this book was fuel and a tool — it so showed me HOW my hurts and rejections in my childhood so formed me. It explained a lot as to ‘how’ I got to where I was. It so called me ‘out’ on so many levels.
I have highlighted this book, written blogs about it, written up the margins with notes and prayers, and bought at least 4 copies of it to share with others.
This book was written for me. Thank you Lord. Thank you Beth. This book will be a resource to me and I look forward to sharing that with whomever God wants me too.
I know God is Big Enough and I want to share what I have learned with any young woman or girl that God places in my path.
I am also going to consider that I DO NOT do anything to trip up any other woman! BEth you often state how God has given you a love for women — I am praying for that love. .
I am beautiful in HIS sight.
I am leading a bible study – starting tomorrow — in my classroom, after school. It is the JR one on Me, Myself and Lies and I plan are boldly sharing what Jesus has changed in me but I will share this in love and I will feel secure! I have led bible studies or facilitated them before – but this time, I feel prayed up and READY to teach and share something more real — my heart!
Thank you!
I trust your trip to Dallas was a rockin riot — my daughter is now 19. God has been showing me and giving me tidbits of what it is like to be ‘her friend’ and enjoy her as an adult. She is at UF in college.
WE can talk bible, we can talk smack and we can also enjoy a good Disney Cartoon — we were never the shoppers — anyway. As I see and hear your blessings, I look forward to the day when my granddaughter arrives and I know, she will NOT have to feel insecure, cause this Grandma ( me ) and her momma ( my first born) — have Jesus.
And PS, the bit you added about ‘how this looks’ like the comment about the right pair of jeans and lipstick color — that was sooooooooooooooo perfect to add in there. I am a new and securely loved daughter of the KING, but I still want to find that great pair of jeans and my feelings will still get hurt – but I ‘get’ that. And that — is freedom!
Whoa!
Thanks.
Michelle
44
married to a man — who when he finds his way out of the wilderness — you will hear me shouting ‘praise God’ all the way from here to Texas!!
Okeechobee, FL
and SECURE in HIM! I want to be that ‘marge’ to someone!
1) I have to say that this chapter (“What are You Afraid Of?”) resonated the most out of all the chapters in the book, and I’ve even taken a few days to ruminate over it before posting my answers to this week’s questions.
This chapter could not have come at a more perfect time for me – in fact I am wondering if God timed it exactly so!!!
When I was first reading through the chapter I thought to myself “I don’t think I have any fears related to insecurity – except maybe normal physical things like fear of huge heights, etc”. But then on Thursday I learned that the cruiseline that I have 36 people booked on for a “Steps of Paul” tour in October (I am a Group Travel Counsellor) has cancelled that sailing and has offered to re-book the group on the next sailing 2 weeks later. Sounds not so bad, except that some of the people can only take time off in October, and then the nightmare for me has been trying to re-schedule their flights at the same fare. So far the best I’ve found for them is going to cost them another $300 per person!! A wave of panic and stress came over me. And then it hit me – a HUGE fear that I have is that I will look stupid or incompetent!! Even though this situation has been completely out of my control, I still feel responsible.
So the whole idea of “trusting God….period” is really coming at a time when I need it desperately! I’ve been able to pray and tell God that no matter what happens, I will trust Him. Not just that He will do what I want Him to do, but I will trust…..HIM, because He is trustworthy.
2) I have been doing this study with a smaller blog group of about 6 or 7 women. One of the women shared that her biggest fear did come true in the death of her husband. I have so appreciated having her in our group – that she’s been able to share with us about her biggest fear becoming a reality, and living not just through it, but beyond it. I think it has helped us all learn that even if our terrors come to pass, God is still worthy of our trust.
I have also learned so much from the rest of you siesta bloggers! Thank you for your honesty and openness. It has been a real blessing going through this book with you and I hope we can do it again sometime real soon!
Love,
Judi
~ married ~ 50’s ~ Canada
1. I’d say around a 5-6 on the fear scale. The thing that resonated with me most was the list of fears on p. 322. How did you get inside my head, Beth? 🙂
2. I think the thing I’ll take away is the prayer journey in Ch. 9. I’m sure I’ll need to re-read and re-pray from time to time as it’s so easy for me to fall back into old habits/ways of thinking…
Beth, thanks for being so real with us in this book!
Cheryl
married
50s
Kansas
Well, let me get my cup of Hazelnut coffee first. Hmm..mmm so very good.
I guess this is good time to confess to you__as soon as my book arrived I read it
and I could not put it down until finished it. I think it took me about 3 or 4 days.
But, it was also gave me a chance to follow along on your questions and review more
about what I had read. I underlined things that I learned, things I want to remember and apply to my life and hopefully things that I can refer back to, maybe share with
other ladies in the church.
I was very insecure, probably an 8 on the scale, but today I would say it is closer to a 2. There were some things in my life I worked through in Christian counselling, but this book confirmed I was on the right track of improving my life and giving all to Christ. This is hard to say, but I think my consellor was not as helpful as your book was for me. I wanted to trust God fully and completely__not in someone else. It is not to say counselling is bad, but that is what it took for me to focus completely on God. So, when I read your book it made me realize I was actually on the right track.
This is the first time in my life I have felt completely free. Sometimes, the devil does attack and tries to pull me down again__but I keep trusting God. I remember some
of things you said about reading His Word and claiming His promises. I like what you said at the end of the book abour fear is consumes massive amounts of energy and can chew a hole through our intestines, our relationships and countless great opportunities. It is a waste of time. It is in God Himself we can trust for our stablility.
There are times I have felt rejected, felt what “if” this happens or that happens, felt like a failure etc. __but God has always seen me through and I can trust Him again to see me through everything.
Some things I learned was __we can change the way we think, which will change the way we act. And as we change the way we act, the way we feel begins to change. Dont’ be so self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered__ Not every offence is about me, stop comparisions with other women, and don’t fall into the pit. I learned so much from your book, PRAISE THE LORD!! Finally, I know what was wrong and how to correct it__I can start feeling FREE!
Thank you a thousand times over!! I still need prayer and my hope is in Christ! I can apply these things you have written to my life and live free to be myself and trust God
For He is My Strength!
I can’t believe our study is over! I am looking forward to whatever study the Lord has lined up for me next. I am even more excited about attending the LPL event in Spokane in October. I just know that God is at work in me and He isn’t finished yet. Praise you, Lord! Now, for our last homework assignment:
1) I would have to say that I’ve lived alot of years at a fear level of “8”. There were definitely times of being a “10”, but I know that God has been working on this in me. I was just finishing up the study of Esther when I started the SLI study. God showed me through the study of Esther (weeks 4 and 5) that I don’t have to be fearful and I just need to remind myself of “If (fill in the blank), then God”. I cannot believe what a difference this made in my life. Today, I’d probably rate myself at a fear level of “5”. I will continue to work on asking myself “What will my God do?” instead of the old question of “What will I do?” God isn’t done working on me yet!
2) This is what I will take away from this journey:
I will ask the Lord to help me recognize any form of pride or unbelief and to refuse it immediately. I will ask Him to tranform what drives me and to quell what triggers me. If I look up to Jesus before looking out at others, He will restore my sight. If I change the way I think…it will change the way I act…which will change the way I feel. I will trust God to do a supernatural work in me and remember that He is the only constant in my life. I AM a woman of God, CLOTHED in DIGNITY and STRENGTH, and NO ONE gets to take those things from me.
Thank you to all my siesta sisters for the privilege of joining this journey with you.
Julie
Idaho
40’s
Married
Lisa 40’s married Edinburg,TX
1. I would not have thought I was that fearful, but when I read Ch 17 I realized it was more than I believed. Probably a 7. I highlighted a majority of this chapter, but the biggest things were that I had already memorized Psalm 112:7-8 last year when I had seen Beth post it as her scripture one time!Page 332 was very powerful for me to help understand my husband’s fears more and see a better way to deal with them as well as my own.
2. I am one of the people who didn’t think I was insecure until I started this book! God is teaching me so much, and I guess I’m just strong willed enough that I have been “doing it afraid” and not just trusting God,Period! Thanks so much Beth for being so open and taking all of us along on a much needed journey of healing and HOPE! You probably won’t know until heaven how much you have impacted the lives of your fellow sisters in Christ, and us Siestas especially! I thank God every day for the many blessings in my life, and you (Beth) are one of the them!
I can’t wait for the Simulcast, and am so glad even more ladies will be blessed with this message!
In Christ,
Lisa
1) Fear has been big part of my life; especially the last decade, after my divorce, I was faced with raising a little boy on my own, working two teaching jobs and wondering why, oh why, do I have to do this all by myself? Could I just get someone to unclog the toilet for me 🙂 I would say 7-8 range!! I wish I had read this chapter so many years ago. I love the conversation with GOD. Tell me your worst fear. Let’s say it happened. What would happen then? Wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for sure! What happens then? God will get me through it, He already did with the divorce. The devil has for so long used my fear to keep me in my box, to not let me enjoy this life of a single mother with the most incredible son,(he is a mini-me if I were a guy :))and to be blessed with not one but two jobs where I can help others. What if I never find anyone to help me out to share a life with as my spouse? Well, God has kept me going upto this point, don’t think He is going to stop now!! My son now knows how to unclog that toilet and I have some amazing friends to help me with the rest and to allow for some adult conversations when needed. Not the same as a loving husband, but they do alright to help keep me going!!
2) What will I take away from the study? The prayer Beth wrote at the end, that says it best!! For God always hears prayer and this one reflects His truth through scripture.
Leigh
41/Married
Montgomery, AL
1. On the 1 to 10 fear scale, I’m at an 8. This entire journey but especially chapter 17 have opened my eyes to how much fear has impacted my life for the negative and caused insecurity. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not living up to self-imposed standards, fear of not having enough, fear of missing out, etc. have driven me and I was obilvious. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fear monster.
From chapter 17, several things resonated. “The kind of fear we’re talking about is a colossal waste of time,”Constant fear of disaster can be as disabling as the disaster itself,” and last, but definitely not least, “God will take care of us no matter what.”
I can testify that constant fear of disaster is as (or more) disabling than disaster itself. I’ve wasted so much time and, again, I wasn’t even getting it. Satan was having a field day as I was hobbled by unrecognized fear. God is still working this lesson in me. He knows me in ways I don’t know myself. I am so thankful He won’t let me remain tangled up in fear and insecurity.
2. Very simply, I’m taking away Proverbs 31:25 NIV (personalized) – I am clothed in strength and dignity. I can laugh at the days to come. This seed has already taken root and is showing itself in my life. I can’t tell you how much comfort, security, and joy these words have brought me in the face of a tremendous blow to our finances this week. I can laugh at the days to come. I am clothed in strength and dignity.
My memory verses for April 15th will be Psalm 112:7-8. Again, personalized. I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. My heart is secure, I will have no fear; in the end I will look in triumph on my foes.
Beth, Thank you for kicking my rear down this path I really didn’t want to trod. I’ve come out with so much insight into how fear and insecurity have crippled me. I’ve taken the first steps into the life of freedom to which God calls me. I won’t stop.
Love,
Leigh
Katie
married, 30’s
Knoxville, TN
1. It is so true that fear is the motivator of so much negative that comes from our lives. So for me fear gets a whopping 10. It motivates all my negative actions now that I really think about it and therefore all of my areas of defeat stem from it. I took so much from this chapter, but my top pick is the scripture from Psalm 112:7-8…”She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Her heart is secure, she will have no fear; in the end she will look in triumph over her foes.” I just love it!
2. This one I can sum up in one word. Hope. I take hope from this journey. I don’t have to choose defeat. I can choose victory. And fortunately I have a whole pile of scriptures from the book and the blog to help me on my way!
Amy
Washington, D.C.
Single
20s
1. I would say fear has played a big role in my life but not quite over the top (about an 9). I have let fear control a lot of issues in my whether or not I’ve called it fear in the face. When you asked, “What frightens you” I started writing in my book vigorously. I had written everything from not doing what I’ve said I would do all these years (especially to all my family and friends – I’ve been the “one” to always know what she was called to do and so on…until recently when I have questioned if it was God’s will at all, even after 8 years of schooling in the field) to not doing something world-changing to not being able to conquer my weight and feelings of ugliness. I even wrote about my fear of not being loved by a man and getting married. I resonated with the example you gave about being at a co-workers desk. An example of this was just the other day when I passed by my supervisors office and she was talking with another employee of the organization. The other employee has nothing to do with my department or with me but for whatever crazy reason I allowed to surface I couldn’t help but wonder if the conversation was about me! Gosh! Even writing about it makes me realize how crazy it sounds. But what I took from the chapter was this: I can trade my insecurity at any time for trust. Trusting God with myself, my future husband, my job, my health, and what jumped out at me was…my threat. I don’t interpret “threat” as a person but more as the threat Satan attempts to implant in my mind. I learned so much from hearing you say that we shouldn’t trust God to work conditionally, but instead trust him no matter what! Just say, “Lord, I trust you!”
2. There’s not enough space for me to write everything i gained and am taking away from this journey. I’ve learned so much about myself and where God wants to take me; and funny enough, He still hasn’t given me specifics. But I’ve received answers along the way. In my Bible study at church we are studying Esther (not your study but one that my leader made herself, although I am getting the Esther study you did and I’m going to do it for myself in a couple of weeks!). In our study time I heard a girl say something that I felt was completely for me. She said that when lately when she prays she had the wanted so desperately to know the right answer – the right way to go – that she wasn’t taking risks. She wanted the right answer for “right answers sake.” Make sense? She was afraid of failing. I have been praying for God to show me the right answers and right way to go because I’ve been so afraid of failing. But instead what it has caused me to do is not move at all. I’ve allowed insecurity to get in the way. I’ve felt that I’ve had to know the answers for all of my future that I’ve forgotten to seek Him daily. In short, I’ve been so future-minded that I have failed at living in the present.
Perfectionism can be another word for fear. I have learned that I can’t strive for perfectionism because I will never get there and I will never take risks. It’s okay if I’m wrong, God will show me and I can correct it…it’s better than not moving at all!
Throughout this book I have grown as a woman, Beth…a woman. I don’t say this lightly at all. I wrote in my journal a while back about “The Woman in My Head.” She is everything I want to be; the woman I’ve always dreamed of being. Beth…while I’m not fully there, over the span of reading this book I look back and realize that I have started becoming this woman without even seeing it. Thank you for allowing Christ to work through you and give you the words to say that would allow me to read them and go down into my heart and spirit.
I want to be a writer…an author; not for my own sake, but for Christ. My passion is being a leader (especially for women) and Christ working through you has helped me realize this. Before I read your book I chose a verse for me…my “Amy Verse.” I chose Proverbs 31:25. Then I read your book and found it was the theme verse. I call that a God thing! Thank you so much for encouraging me and being a vessel to bring restoration and healing in my heart. I love you Mama Beth!
FEAR… False Evidence Appearing Real… Fear has been a constant companion. And bottom line I have not been trusting God to be with me no matter what happens. This is so real to me right now, in just a few days my husband deploys once again. Trusting that no matter how it turns out God isn’t surprise or overwhelmed is a moment to moment choice.
1. I’m going to rate my fear level at 9. Realistically, I’m probably a 10. But, I’ve met people who are worse, so I’m giving myself a little credit. Chapter 17 was exactly what I needed to read!
2. My biggest take-aways from this book are the procedures — the healthy ways to respond to triggers of insecurity and waves of fear. “I am clothed with dignity and strength.” “God gave me security and you can’t have it.” And, picturing my fears all the way through to the other side. Not only did I learn a lot about myself while reading this book, but I have also learned new ways to deal with my own insecurities and help other women deal with theirs. Thanks Beth!
My fear level is 8. Several statements in chapter 17 spoke to me but especially “Fear of the future makes people settle for things in the present that completely defy abundant life.” I worry and fret. Just recently I spent a sleepless night worrying. In the morning I confessed to God that I had worried and played god rather than trusting Him and giving Him my concerns.
This book has helped me look at my insecurities, acknowledge and name them. Knowing that fear is behind my insecurity I think will be a huge help to overcome my insecurity and fears. Thank you so much for the book and the Scriptures and prayers you included.
1) I am sad to say that fear has been a four letter word most of my life, a 10 no doubt.In past years the Lord has been showing me just what a hold it had on me.He has placed me in situations that have forced me to depend on Him and not give in to old friend fear. Thank you ,Beth, for writing so clearly about the relationship between fear and insecurity. They are two companions that I could do without. The Lord and I have walked this road of fear many miles. He has been beside me all the way, encouraging me to step off that path and take His hand. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. I do know that He’ll never leave me on that path alone and each step I take toward trusting Him leaves fear in the dust as I walk away from it. I continue to struggle with fear ,but by the Lord reasuring hand , not as much as I did at one time.
2) Beth, you car wash story had me in tears, laughing out loud that my dog stared at me as if I had lost my mind. I had to stop reading after every line to clear my vision.
What an illustration how the Lord can take us through some pretty messy places only to bring us to a cleaner place. I’ll never forget that story, and that it can appply to my life. The Lord has washed me clean (even it has to be a car wash)of fear and insecurity. I just have to trust him in those wet and messy times that I don’t see His hand.Lord, my prayer is that as you continue to lead me through the car washes of life that I will trust you and not let fear and insecurtiy walk my way again.
Wichita Falls, TX
40’s
married
I’m finished. What a great journey. Lots of new info form me “chow down” on.
1. I would say I rate my fear level at a 3. I don’t really feel that I have fear in my life but then again I must if I have insecurity in my life, which I do. I had a Grandmother who spent most of her time “worrying” over many things and I see that has having a lot of fear. The chapter just confirmed to me that I am on the right track in trusting God. I will trust Him period. I just need to look at what fear I do have when I am hit with insecurity.
2. I really enjoyed the book. I look forward to seeing you in 2 wks. My daughter has agreed to come home from Tech to attend with me. I pray that it will be something that will hit home with her even though she has not read the book. May God bless you as you prepare to speak and use you mightily to set us free from “insecurity” forever.
Bless you Beth
I’m so sorry to have just discovered this site. I am looking forward to attending the simulcast! As for a fear rating put me at an 11! I have been living in fear and doubt for the past 18 years. After divorcing my husband, and fighting to protect my son from the emotionally abusive relationship that followed. I feel very fearful to get close to others including brothers and sisters in my congregation. I have been made to feel unworthy / tolerated at worship because I’m a divorced woman. Is there a place for me in the body of Christ? Why are alcoholics and former drug users welcomed but someone who made a mistake getting married to the wrong person at 19 out a place? I have been busy raising my child these 10+ years and don’t date, is this not the same as an alcoholic refusing to drink? I fear that by having to go against my upbringing and divorcing a hateful abusive man to save myself and my son that God may not be pleased with me. Your thoughts?
I thought I was doing fairly well on the “no fear” scale based upon the verse in Timothy that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but when I read in chapter 17 that “behind every wave of insecurity is the wind of fear driving it”, I realized I have fear that is subtle and it steals my joy and spirit of adventure too many times. Just this week my husband offered to let me drive his convertible to choir practice since it was already outside the garage and I said no I’d take the van because I might hit a deer while driving back in the dark. Then I caught myself and said, “Have some courage , girl” and I drove that cute thing! So I guess I’d say maybe I am a “5′.
The thing I will take away from this book as a whole is the idea that every woman is suffering from insecurities and we should be careful not to trip their switches, but rather help them overcome it through compassion rather than competition.
I’ve really gleaned a lot from the pages you so openly shared your heart and life upon. I will keep it near my Bible as a handy reference book when I am tempted to buckle under any insecurities in the future. And many girlfriends will find this in a gift bag from me on their birthdays. It’s a jewel! Thanks for writing it, Beth.
Judy from NC
Beth ~ I have never blogged anything before so not sure I am doing this right. I am 63 yrs. young and have had major insecurity all my life. Most of it stems from being born with a profound hearing loss. Also, recently have a had a girlfriend say some things in what I preceive as a hurtful way. This has messed up my precept of myself big time. I go around wondering if people want to be around me or even like me anymore. It’s an awful place to be. NO person should have that kind of sway over how one feels about oneself. I am reading your book (have done some of your bible studies as well) and find it helpful. I feel like I am in so deep and for so long that I wonder if I will ever see the light this side of heaven. Love all that you are doing for women. You are a hoot sometimes. Love ~ Barb
wow…so i recently got this “So Long Insecurity” book, and just now realized how to find this blog. I dont think i’ll be able to read all of these comments, so I’ll just confess one conclusion i have about men (without knowing if its been said already. so if it has, i apologize for being redundant lol).
So the same way you (Beth Moore) said men are neither devils nor gods, i dont see men as the enemy nor do i have (or feel i have) the capacity to see them as potential friends either.
Disclaimer: I dont have all women friends, but the few men (at best 5) that are in my life I’d refer to as “close associates” not quite friends.
The very reason I can understand why men benefit from women is the same reason why I dont see how women can benefit from men. Women are naturally nurturers; emotional conforters, natural exhorters. We’re quick to support anyone especially when we feel we are able to. Men on the other hand tend to feel awkward doing these things within their own gender, fearing they will be seen as gay or not manly, or (if they’re the one listening to someone sharing his heart) feeling awkward and not knowing how to handle this emotion from a “man.” They, however, can find support and comfort from their female counterparts. Its this attribute that they cant usually get from men that we possess.
however, experientially i dont see this happening in reverse. Experientially (by my own experience) men are just incapable of dealing with someone sharing their heart. At best they’ll listen, but i dont see them benefiting me in the same way women do.
(quick DISCLAIMER: i am by no means lesbian, nor have i experimented with lesbianism, nor have or will i think about it)
The few times that i’ve tried (thankfully with nothing too personal),they just didnt get it or made (probably unknowingly, i’ll give them that) insensitive remarks.
I dont see myself getting married, because marriage requires a high level of transparency (that I dont even have with my closest women friends mind you) that I simply wouldnt trust with a man.
I’m about to be 21 so i guess not wanting to get married is no big deal,so this area of “insecurity” (i wouldnt really call it that, but for the sake of this book i will)doesnt “feel” important enough to deal with..even though it probably should be.
I’ve never had a boyfriend (unless you count grade 3, and i dont lol), never been on a date, or wanted to. Its kind of like, parents who are feeding their newborn food. The parents eat the food first, giving facial expressions to convey that they are enjoying the food (even if they arent) hoping to convince tthe baby that its good enough to eat it too. I dont and havent seen anybody enjoying relationships, and its always been the single (whether never married or recently divorced) women (the christian ones) in my family who seem GENUINELY the happiest.
Maybe this and then my fulfilling relationship with the Lord, makes me feel no void that needs to be filled with a relationship with the opposite sex as other women do. The shame that seems to be attached to singleness, I’ve never felt.
I dont really have a question, but i dont mind responses.
1. Fear has always been a 10 and beyond in my life. My fear of making a mistake, especially one that would ruin the rest of my life, has kept me from enjoying many things that others take for granted. The thing that resonated with me the most in Chapter 17 was: “Trusting God to never let our fears come to fruition doesn’t get to the bottom of where insecurity lurks. It’s too conditional.” Well- no wonder it wasn’t working for me!!!!!
2. Since praying Chapter 9, I feel like a new person. I feel closer to God, more at peace with myself, and more comfortable in crowds. I don’t feel so much pressure to be perfect and in control of everything. I also have more genuine agape love for others who used to intimidate me. I keep remembering reading once that you can’t love someone and fear them at the same time. That is a huge outcome of this book – I have more capacity to love people unconditionally. I keep wondering if it will wear off, but so far, it has only gotten sweeter.
I agree with another siesta who said that if we had read through the book quickly, we wouldn’t have gotten so much fruit from it. It helped so much to spend a week thinking about my answers and reading comments from others. Thanks for making the journey together!
Laura
40’s / single
SD
Valerie J. Eades
Scott City, MO
50’s, widowed
1. I would have to say that for too much of my life, my fear factor has been a 9+. The Lord has used the experiences and interpersonal relationships of the last 4 years, the Bible studies you have written, and the Christian books He led me to through programs on American Family Radio to get me ready for your book. Extremely helpful doesn’t even touch how much it has helped!! The Bible verses in Chapter 17 really struck a chord with me as did your list of “What will God do if…” followed by His responses on
p. 333. My last full Bible study having been Believing God set out some beautiful stepping stones that led me to a great spiritual beginning point for SLI. Isn’t He Good!!!
2. This book has further cemented into my consciousness how intimately involved God is with me, how dearly He loves me and wants me to be whole – body, soul, and spirit. I just reread the prayer in Ch. 9, and I was overcome again with awe. The first time I read it and filled in the blanks, I just kept thinking, “She doesn’t even know me; how can she hit the nail so on the head in my life?” No words are sufficient to describe the mercy and grace of our Lord. I am much more aware of my thoughts now, and I am catching myself in insecure reactions and am able to face them and overcome them. I have used some of the scriptures I have memorized so much, I could say them in my sleep or standing on my head. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!! I shall spend the rest of my life being eternally grateful to your obedience to the Lord so that He could use it to heal and help me and who knows how many other thousands of women.
Jeanie
Sparta, TN
39
Married
1. Fear-10. I’m not always at 10. This last year has been a doozy. For a year I have suffered from high anxiety. I even heard you speak about situations bleeding into other areas of your life one Wednesday on Life Today. That is how mine started. High anxiety in one area of my life then it would bleed over into another part of my life. But praise be to God. He is faithful! Everytime my anxiety would be high. The thing that I feared never would come to fruition. Then I would find my anxiety popping up in another area of my life and here we would go again. I have finally wised up. Although it is hard sometimes to tell myself that “that is not going to happen”. Well, I have recently found out that all or at least most of my anxiety has come from peri menopause. Got to love those hormones!! Now I know the reason for my anxiety but still struggle to put it all on God.
The funny thing is is that 2 years ago I would have said my fear was a 3. I know that God has brought me through this for a reason. I just pray to have hindsight really soon.
2. The lasting insight that I have gained from the book is that I AM NO ALONE!! I’m really sorry you girls are suffering just for me, but thanks for not letting be suffer alone. I don’t share my feelings that often. So to hear that other ladies are going through the same thing really means alot. But seriously I have gained so much insight. I feel like I have grown closer to the Lord through every page of the book. I pray a special blessing on you, Beth, for your willingness to share. Thank you so much.
I would like to share my story about what has happened with the SLI study. One week after I preorded the book on Amazon I ended up in the ER because of severe abdominal pain. They did an ultrasound and everything looked normal. So the next day, I had a scope down my throat and they discovered five ulcers, which were caused by ibuprofen. They went, Ahaa! and wrote me a perscription for Prilosec and gave me a list of things to do to help the healing. I was very faithful to everything and even went above and beyond, because I don’t have time to be sick. I am a stay at home Mom with three children under the age of 9. I was so excited to start this study, I did the summer study “Me, Myself & Lies” online with this blog and I was fed up with my chronic insecurity issue and I really wanted change in my life but needed guidance on how to truely accomplish this goal. It’s interesting how things happen. The further I got into this study, I truely started to heal emotionally and was becoming secure, the sicker physically, I became. The doctors did not know why, because my ulcers were completely healed by now, even after more tests and another trip to the ER. I was now living on liquids only (barely) and very strong pain killers. I have always been a very healthy person and have even given birth naturally and that pain (childbirthing) did not hold a candle to this type of pain. I was also gripped with fear of the unknown and stripped of all the things I do physically that I thought made me “me” Through all this I continued my study and clung to my Lord, that’s all I had left in me to do. The doctors finally figured out my gall bladder was only working at 18%. I had surgery to have it removed, Friday, April 9th and now I am home recovering. Because of my Lord and the many wonderful family members,church family,friends and neighbors praying and supporting myself and my family. We made it through this experience together. I finished my SLI book this morning in bed. This sickness was such a huge test of my newly found self esteem and true “trust” in God. I am very humbled to say I made it through this test with my newly found God-given “strength and dignity” intact. Thank you again Beth, for allowing yourself to be used by God to write this book. This study has forever changed my life and I will never be the same chronically insecure person again. Thank you my Lord and Savior for caring so much for me and allowing me to grow so much in you through this experience! I memorized Psalm 112:7-8 this morning and prayed the final prayer at the end of Chapter 18 with tears of gratitude pouring down my cheeks. My security is mine to keep. God gave it to me. No one gets to take it from me!!!!
Julie, Age 32 with 3 children a stay at home Mom, happily married in WA Sate and this secure woman loves the Lord with all her heart!!!
What a wonderful journey this has been with the Siesta Mama and her chicks. I’ve learned I am not the only fruit loop in the bowl. It was amazing to see all my quirks looking back at me from the lives of other women. The things that are sticking with me now are that I am a woman of strength and dignity and I can trust God. I hate to use the term because it’s been trashed recently, but God really does have my back, and front, and head-to-toe.
Are we going to have more blogging journeys? This is too good to let go.
How big a role has fear played? Waaaaaay too big! Eight, on a good day! Every choice I’ve made, almost forever, was made from fear, or accompanied by a huge weight of fear. I worry when something goes wrong, I worry that something may go wrong, I even worry when there seems to be nothing wrong, that I missed something and I should be worrying!!!
When I got to the part of the prayer that says “You know what first frightened me into believing that no one and nothing could be trusted and that I’m on my own in out here in a very unsafe world…”; the flood of memories came rushing back. I was taught, in a Christian school, and by total accident, by well meaning people, that it was GOD I couldn’t trust… They had a huge emphasis on end-time prophecy, and my eight year old self heard only that “I’m going to get left if I don’t get right”. I have struggled SO HARD to be “right”, to be perfect, and to feel secure. Even today if I can’t locate someone, or if no one is in the house when they should be, and they left the lights on, my first instinct is to panic! I know I’ll go to heaven when I die, but a part of me has always lived in fear that if the trumpet sounds, I’ll have some other music blaring and I won’t hear it!! That fear has been the foundational fear for all other fears, and the impetus for a spectrum of behaviors ranging from the silly to the downright destructive in every department of my life!
From a perspective of years, I can see the hand of God and the evidence of his presence across my life in situations even where I FELT alone. He has never left me. He will never leave me. In him, I am made perfect, and I can quit trying! I get to put on a garment of dignity, and be secure! Inadvertently, I was taught a lie about God! But God is Truth, and that Truth has set me free! Hallelujah!
My take-away is finally, KNOWING that I have perfect security. I copied that prayer, shrunk it to a smaller size, and it’s in my purse! I’m memorizing scriptures, and using them as fasteners on this gorgeous new cloak of dignity I get to wrap up in! I’m safe. Safe, free, and perfect just as I am (in HIM).
Now I pray that it becomes contagious, and that my daughters catch it, as they certainly caught the other, and that I’ll find my passion! ( I have clues, but currently too many pressing chores to pursue them. When the avalanche of change slows to allow the new normal to settle, I’ll find it! But currently, and for the next few weeks, absolutely everything around my circumstances is changing (well, it feels that way, but maybe I exaggerate a little..a very little) Now, though,I feel at peace in the change-storm! Come what may, I am clothed in dignity and strength!
Praise The Lord!
Fear is a 9 on my scale. This book has open my eyes to many things that I never thought about before. Fear…a little word that I give a lot of power to, but by the Grace of God He will over come the fear. My grandmother gave me a note card with some verses that she thought would help me through a difficult time and one verse was 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I really hate that I keep picking up my fears and carrying them. I am laying it down to the Lord, because HE IS everything!!! I will be attending the Simulcast at Lindsey Lane Baptist Church in Athens, AL. My mom will be attending with me!!! Thank you. Bless you.
On a scale from 1 to 10, I would be a 9. Most of my insecurities have come from how fearful I have been. I’m most afraid of the loss of my loved ones. I really have to try hard not to text my husband too much when he is on a trip to make sure he is still alive.
Beth, I liked your conversation with God in chapter 17. It reminded me of when my Dad used to have that same conversation with me. What are your worst fears? What if they happened, what would you do then? It really does help to visualize the worst and see yourself on the other side trusting God!
I have gotten so much from my journey! I have been taking a deeper look into why I am doing things or why I feel a certain way. I will no longer be the same. I am determined to not allow insecurity to have dominion over me any longer, but for me, by God’s grace, to be a secure woman. Thank you so much, Beth, for writing this book! It is something that I have needed for a long time. Insecurity has affected every area in my life, and so by working through these insecurities with you, every area of my life has been affected. Thank you again! I can’t wait for another opportunity to study with you!
Liz
Atlanta, Ga.
31
Married