Hey Everybody! I am so proud of you guys! Your discussions have been tremendous. I am especially happy that so many of you have jumped in with us late and gone back to the very beginning, signed in, and added your answers to the previous weeks of our book discussion. Way to go! As we moderate, we give the same attention to the comments on the older posts as the ones that are up-to-date. I promise you that community and active discussion will make your journey far more meaningful and hold you infinitely more accountable.
Ok, weâre about to get to a part of the book that I found highly interesting in research. The next several chapters involve the insights from the menâs survey and I bet a few of their comments will pop your eyes open, too. In the mix of what we have ahead, weâre going to be focusing on men-related insecurities then soon after that (in coming chapters) weâll focus specifically on women-related insecurities. Each of us has a tendency to be less secure around one gender than the other and, according to the survey of over 900 of you, weâre almost evenly divided between the two. I pray weâre going to gain insight into some gender-related insecurities and stumble upon some much needed freedom. I really want you to read the portions about the men even if you donât have a mate or a specific man in your life. If we have resistant, resentful hearts toward men, we canât just avoid them altogether. They comprise the other half of our population so it really is imperative in our pursuit of wholeness that we get a grip.
Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?
2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between menâs insecurities and womenâs?
3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?
We are liable to have some LIVELY conversation this week! I canât wait to see it happen! Just one little thing I want to throw out there: some of you may have some pretty big hang-ups with men because you have a background of abuse like I do. If it plays heavily into one of your answers, by all means, share what pertains but Iâve learned along the way that itâs best to stop short of graphic descriptions. Most people have a hard time knowing what to do with those kinds of mental images. Iâve told every graphic detail in counseling situations but, publically, I try to stay general. Itâs just too much for most listeners and readers. They have compassion but they just donât have the answers. We know Who does.
Go for it, Girls! Iâm so honored to take this journey with you.
mommathieszen 
1. My take on men isn't really one way or the other (gods vs devils) as there are some I set up in a positive extreme while I go the polar opposite with others. So I guess you could say that I'm an extremist but I've recently realized this view of mine prohibits me from having a REALISTIC view of ANY man in my life.
2. My main observance about the difference in men's insecurities and women's is that men (the ones that I know anyway) tend to take out their insecurities on the rest of the world while women many times turn it on themselves and it becomes an internal battle. While I know the enemy loves to take advantage of either, I have been giving some thought to whether he perhaps gets just a bit more enjoyment out of both heightening the insecurity of women while AT THE SAME TIME causes us to inflict pain on ourselves.
3. Omnipotence and omniscience – that part of the book could have been written just for me. That's how much it resonated with me. My husband had knee surgery almost three weeks ago, which requires him to be on bed rest for a total of six weeks. The fact that I'm responsible for every single thing that goes on in our lives right now has really weighed on me and I find myself overcome with the need to hold on to this omnipotence/omniscience a times even though I know my plate is way too full to do so right now. There's no doubt in my mind the Lord is using this book and present situation – at such a time as this – to teach me lessons that I need both now and when our lives return to normal.
Love, love, love this process – keep it coming, sister!
Yeah!!! Only a few hours behind this week!
1) gods
2) I think that the depth of insecurities for a man and a women are pretty much the same, if you compare apples to apples. I would however say that the way a man is willing to admit and express his insecurities is clear cut and no mixed words. I believe we women are insecure about admitting and expressing our insecurities. This difference would make one believe that women are affected by insecurities more then men.
3) Um…Mama Beth, I didn't know you had access to my thoughts :0)
No, I definitely see both and resonate with both. The truth shall set me FREE, RIGHT!!!!!!
I've said this before, but the way God orchestrated the reading schedule of this book and the schedule of Breaking Free has been PHENOMENAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! THank you FATHER!!!!
kate
Married, 30's
Charlottesville, VA
1. I have generally been in the habit of viewing men as gods – wanting to be as good as they were, as successful, as confident. God has helped me to work through this the same way He's helped me with other relationships – to stop expecting the unreasonable and to start experiencing the relationship. Praise God!
2. Men are better at hiding their insecurities – both from women AND other men. Women can pick out an insecurity in another woman faster than the time it takes to swipe on mascara. Men also don't point out other men's insecurities (speaking in generalities here!)
3. Pg. 211, omnipotence stood out to me and boy was there conviction! My poor husband – I praise God for the work He's done in my husband life, and am now SO thankful for all the times He's caused me to fail – Lord only knows what type of wreck-of-a-man I would have created if I'd been allowed to do what I thought was the best way!
Angie
30's
Married
Goshen, IN
1) I have always seen men as gods for sure. However, because of this, I also know my view of the TRUE GOD is warped and damaged. I saw/see men as something wonderful and someone I should do almost anything for in order to make them pleased. I have always wanted to make them so impressed with me. I wanted them to desire/envy/want me so bad…even as a very little girl. There was always something about them that was appealing and alluring and I just wanted to know it more. Even after 7+ years of marriage, I want to do this to my husband too. I still want to win his affections and make him wish he was more like me. I related so well with your section, Beth, about how you viewed Keith. I think being married to the same guy now, however, has opened my eyes that men are not as "godly" as I have always thought they were and so in some ways, I have also made my husband out to be the "devil" too. Why can't I just see him as an equal? I guess the more mysterious a man is (or the less I know of him) the more I see him as a god I want to try to "break" or a devil I need to make better. In light of my relationship with God Himself, I have always felt the need to impress Him too, try to win Him over, and do anything and everything He says I should do just so He will like me.
2) The main difference I see between men and women is how they deal with insecurities once they are in their heads. I think men can more easily let them go because of the way they think–more compartmentalized. They can have an insecure thought and before they know it another thought comes into their head and they can leave that insecurity where it is at and move on without it effecting the next thought. With women, I think we tend to let every thought roll right into the next one and everything in our lives are somehow connected to one another. It's how we are wired. With insecure thoughts, however, this is a HUGE detriment. When we have an insecure thought and then the next thought comes along we are secure with, our insecurity from the last thought flows over and now we question our security in that thought. This continues on in a spiraling cycle until all we think are insecure thoughts. It's vicious! THAT is what I'm so excited to break free from!!!
3) Yes, I agree that I am stuck trying to be both omnipotent and omniscient. I certainly want to control everything and how do you do that if you don't know everything so you have to be both! Sad that I want everything my way because I think it's the best way and yet after thinking through my answer to the last question, my way is totally built on insecure thoughts so why do I think it's so much better than anyone else's??? Such a sad situation and one that needs to get chucked out the window!!! The concept of viewing each situation as something that would give me life and freedom or death and evil was such a blessing!
1.Neither.
2.With this economy I would say getting or keeping a job. It is rough in my area. I have a friend who was laid off, his wife died and his house burned(with pictures etc..) within 12 months.
3. I would like of my ideas to be taken even though I know other people have other ways of thinking. I try not to push according to what it is. Sometimes my idea is the best one.Sometimes it really does not matter.
Joy
single
30's
California
1. I tend to see men as both. I want them to be gods but I am superfast to knock them off of that pedestal and characterize them as devils. God told me this week that this is a twisted viewpoint.
2. I guess I've never thought about manhood being determined by success or failure and how this could play into a guy's insecurity. In some ways I could relate as my financial and living situation have often determined how "adult" I felt. I have felt insecure or the need to prove that I am a real live grown adult even if my life doesn't seem to the normal signs of adulthood (financial independence, my own home, husband and children.) This is hard enough. I can't imagine having my feminine identity tied to this as well.
3. Both the coveting of omnipotence and omniscience resonated with me. The concept that I usually seek to control only those who can most strengthen or weaken my sense of security was a profound revelation. I could also see situations where God controlled my access to info, only allowing what I needed in His time, not mine. There were years where I felt like I struggled for answers in a vaccuum. But looking back (with some of that info in His time and His way) I praise God for His wisdom and caring protection of me. He really does know what my heart needs and when.
1. Gods. I see their confidence- whether it's real or not, and think that they have it all together…at the same time wishing I did too.
(That is until I started reading this book!)
2.The difference between men and women insecurity- Withdrawl/cling.
Yowza! Hubs and I can completely relate to that one!
3. Omnipotence.
With good intentions. I want people around me to be free & happy… but if I'm being honest I do tend to take on the role of God and try to control people INTO happiness.
Yikes!
đ
Joy
Single
30's
California
I forgot to leave a note to Rebecca, 34, TN. I read your response to Week 4 and just wept for you. First of all I want to say how honored I am that you shared your struggles with us. I am so proud of your courageous honesty. You are not a black sheep. You are not irreparably broken. You are not a woman that no godly man would want. You are not an embarassment to the church or to Christ. YOU ARE the woman He came to rescue, just like me. We may have different histories and issues but we have the same need, HIM! Keep walking and talking with Jesus. He will not only deliver you but He has a beautiful, fruitful future planned just for you. Nothing is impossible to Our Saviour and King. I am praying for you and for your sister. Please know your name now lives in my heart and in my prayers.
Love,
Joy
1. this is such a tough question. i guess i would say gods. i've been thinking about these questions for a few days now and was unsure how to answer but i want to participate..i mean, that's the whole point of this community. anyway, i'd say gods i guess because i expect so much out of my husband. maybe it started with having older brothers and being a tomboy growing up, always hanging out and being closer with the guys than the girls. gods i guess.
2. i think the main difference i see is that women for the most part see their insecurities as just "who they are". men, for the most part, mask theirs in trying to be king of the forest. the stronger they act, maybe they think they are fooling someone?
3. holy cow…omnipotence. i feel as though i could've written that portion of the chapter. yes curiosity gets me sometimes but it's not as severe as the omnipotence. i especially try to "guide" us to what i am convinced is a better life. the whole "if my husband would ____ than i'd be _____. too true, too true.
These two chapters were incredibly timely and deeply profound to me this past week. Beth, you need to know if you can't already tell.. God IS moving! He is shedding light on major areas of insecurity in me. It excites me to no end because He reveals in order that He might work.. His accomplishing Word! There IS a secure woman in me somewhere and I can't wait for her to come out more and more.
I still haven't gotten to talk with my husband about some of the questions that cpt 10 sparked but I intend to fully debrief with him soon. đ
1. I definitely resonated more with viewing men as gods. Growing up I always felt such an insatiable longing to be loved and I always medicated that by telling myself "one day there will be a man who will sweep you off your feet and love you and be your everything." Well.. that was true, but it wasn't my husband. It's been Jesus all along. But that rude (i guess?? or bittersweet) awakening didn't come until some serious letdowns in my marriage. Even though I "knew" that Jesus was to be everything to me.. I learned it in marriage. Its not that I'm dreamy eyed about men all the time thinking they can do no wrong.. sometimes I admit I am disgusted with men. Its just that I want the fairy tale to be true in the human realm. As much as my husband fills me and meets my heart, he is a god to me.. as much as he lets me down and fails me or hurts me, he is a devil to me. This is true of my heart in the greater scheme of the male gender. Pretty sick and self-absorbed. I need to let men be men.. and not demonize them when they fail or idolize them when they do what I want.
2. This one was harder for me. I don't see a lot of differences, actually, in the content around our insecurities.. meaning we both struggle with appearances, with careers, etc. But I see more differences in the way we handle or give outlet to our insecurity. Women tend to wear them on their sleeves.. sometimes it seems so easy to spot when a woman is suddenly overtaken with a rush of insecurity. Men's insecurities are more hidden and harder to spot. They seem fine most of the time, or at least just totally checked out, but obviously, that is not true. Withdrawal is HUGE for my husband. H.U.G.E. Thank you for sharing that.. it brought incredible freedom and understanding to me.
3. Well, I am guilty of desiring after both omnipotence and omniscience. I resonated a lot more with omnipotence I think and it is kind of startling to me to realize how much I really do want to control/manage. Yuck. But I am definitely guilty of lusting after omniscience at times too.. My husband was engaged before we met and it has been hard to not feel insecure about that at times. One time I thought about searching for his ex-fiance on facebook just to see a pic of her (never seen her) and I felt that nagging in my gut, that voice saying, don't do this.. but I thought, oh its harmless.. then I saw how beautiful she is. I wasn't ready for the way it would shake me and send me into a tailspin of insecurity, self-hatred, etc. I just asked for the enemy to attack me, basically. Open myself right up to it.
We think the more we know the more we can handle the situation. If we know ALL the facts and details, we naively assume, it will be less painful. I have never found this to be true!
You are so right, Beth. When God brings the knowledge to us, its a whole different story than when we go out grasping and fighting for it ourselves.
We are always trying to take things into our own hands it seems, aren't we? When the one in Whose hands WE are and IT is, is the only one really equipped to hold it and us.
I surrender myself anew to You, Lord.. You are in perfect control of my life and You know perfectly all that I need to know. Help me to keep trusting You day in and day out, no matter what the enemy throws my way.
Love you siestas. đ
Martha
Asheville, NC
25
married
1. I can't say I can choose either gods or devils, but mostly just I see them as people like us. I have an awesome earthly father who started me out pretty grounded in this issue.
2. Men need respect and to feel we see them at "manly men" who provide and protect. My husband and I have had a special celebration for each of our 3 sons when they turned 13 to affirm them becoming men. Several men gather to speak words of wisdom and give them letters or mementos of their transition to becoming men. This has been a profound event in each of their lives. Time will tell if this and many other efforts will help them feel their manhood in a different way than our society tells them.
3. Omnipotence for sure! Beth I did every single thing you mentioned doing with Keith to my dear husband. I can totally relate to wanting to control those closet to me.
Thanks so much for the insight again Beth!
Lisa
40's married
Edinburg, TX
Married, 50's, Montana
1. My tendency has been as gods. My challenge has always been feeling inadequate, especially toward those I really admired.
2. Men's tend to be more public-based, meaning based on expectations outside of themselves, caring for the family, etc. While women's are more internal-based, meaning based on our own expectations of ourselves.
3. Yes, both. I was hit hard very young with grief – lost my brother, then my father with NO ONE talking about it. That puts you into an insecure, anxious mode that causes you to CONTROL (what little you can) your life. In my case excelling at school…..obsessed with it! The omnipotence certainly resonated the most, but there was plenty of trying to be omniscience also.
Thank you, Beth, for listening so closely to God's call to you and for turning His insights into this book. What a blessed gift! Amen.
1. My historical tendency is to vacillate between the two, probably more on the devil side than on the god side.
2. The difference that stands out in my mind is the way they/we handle our insecurities; their withdrawing and our getting clingy. It was also surprising to me that men feel they have to prove themselves to be men. I never thought of that before.
3. I do find myself drawn to God's omniscience and omnipotence, the fact that He knows all and can do all brings me peace. I don't get quite so caught up in trying to exhibit those qualities myself because I'm still working at being in touch with my own inner workings.
Denese
50
married
Lakewood, NJ
Oooopppsss…lol
Alright, I read a few posts and thank you Sheila,single,40's,MD– your comment on omniscience got me. And God definitely reminds me of Proverbs 3:5 frequently. I am always trying to figure out what God is doing…why might this be happening?…etc.
BTW…I am never right with any of my assessments of what God is up to or how, so I am (God help me!) moving on!
Denese
50, married
Lakewood, NJ
I got a little behind due to spring break.
1. In all honesty, I have an historical tendency to view men as devils. My alcoholic dad played a huge role in this I am sure.
2. Not a whole lot of difference between the two insecurities. I always was taught not to chase the guys. I was not allowed to call a boy nor "chase" someone I liked. I am 55 and single probably in large because I never thought they maybe as afraid of relationships as I was. In some ways, I think it maybe easier for a woman to be insecure than a guy according to our society, even today.
3. I grew up with an alcoholic dad who even after I shared my 7th grade knowledge of alcohol dependency, was not willing to make te choice to refrain from drinking that I wanted him to make. I took it upon myself, at 13 years of age, to monitor his drinking. I emptied bottles, I watered the scotch down, and I measured how much he was drinking at home alone. I was not very good at convincing him. I found myself vowing to always be in control and never to allow myself to be vulnerable to a guy again. It hurts to be disappointed by them.
Jan
55 single
KS
1. I've always had trust issues with either gender but I've not had a god as a man in my life but I have had reason to distrust men but I have learned not to place the gender as a whole as bad.
2. The differences I see is men hide their struggles so much better than women but the withdrawal connection was a light bulb moment for me even in my own struggle to get freedom for myself. The comment about withdrawal and cling made so much stinking common sense…I saw my mom cling for years but it was to keep as much control as possible…I knew she taught me well but never before now am I coming to grips with how well generational sin is deep within my psyche! Deep roots little did I ever understand the gardener that the Lord Jesus Christ is ??? He is so many many things, unexhaustible, Praise You Lord !
3. Being the mother of a teenager I am learning all about how God will give you a nudge and how you need to obey that for the Lord is leading you somewhere with it. My youngest is the most headstrong kid I've ever known, he is my mother's curse for he is just like me and God is growing us up both together in HIM, if there was ever a child I wanted to control its him and be all knowing but I am having to "breathe" and say to myself, he is his own little person and teach him right from wrong and about God and LET GOD BE GOD! but MOST of all LOVE HIM…growing up my mother didn't validate her love for me but mostly pointed out my failures and being overweight so I gave up trying on either end of the spectrum. Thank God I was saved at 20 years old and married my best friend in the church where I attended. I battle the control thing because that is what I learned but having kids growing up I'm learning God is in control!
The omnipotence/omniscience was so eye opening for me. You know how God shows us things but because we either don't want to understand or can't isn't He faithful to keep knocking until you get it!!! I've not known what to do with somethings and have been unable to handle some information that some people feel like you need to know and this has opened my eyes and my heart to guard my heart and mind and my life from the enemy setting me up for a trap. Power thirstiness and knowing too much about the people you attend church or biblestudy with can mess with you. I thank you for mentoring me in this community of believers, to God be the glory, Amen!
Anonymous
42
Married
1.In my youth I probably saw them as devils due to family dynamics and those in my realm. After working with them in a man's field, I saw them through a real lens where there were good, honest ones and snakes.
2. Men are insecure about being successful as a provider, sometimes fitting in to a group, and I think the younger generation of males are made to feel insecure if they don't have the gym physique. We all know about the short guy syndrome that many suffer from. Women seem to be insecure about so many more things like our appearance, our parenting,
our housekeeping, our home and its niceness, fitting in to a group, are we interesting enough, smart enough and some women are so cruel to each other behind their backs. Men would just say to each other how they felt or instead of trying to pretend a relationship they would just avoid it.
3.Omnipotence resonates with how I used to be. God has really transformed me. I was a type A trying to control quietly but persistently my children. I think I was insecure about my parenting due to guilt I felt about working. I tried to be supermom. I love this study because I want so many women to have the benefit of this knowledge while parenting. I recently learned alot of this and my children are about grown and I wish I had learned to let go and let God handle some things a lot earlier in life.
Anne
married
50's
SC
I know this is late but I wanted to make sure to get my response on here anyway.
1. View of men…gods or devils?
I honestly believe neither. There is a certain man I view as devil not because of anything he has done to me…but to someone I love very much.
2. Men's insecurities seem so sad to me. I'm not sure I can put it in to words, but there seems to be such a sorrowful longing to be understood, and yet they either don't know how to express it or our culture has taught them that it is "wrong" for them to express it. I see women having insecurities because of "stuff". And men having insecurities because they just doubt that they measure up.
3. Which divine attribute resonated with me….OMNIPOTENCE!
I could have written the list on page 211 that you wrote. I'm STILL trying to get over myself!
Melana
Sheridan WY
Married
50's
Lisa v.
Washington, NJ
37 yrs old
1. View of men — gods or devils? Gosh this question sure has stumped me. Went to #2 and 3 first and circled back here. My tendency… I can't say truthfully I've seen them as either. I know in my mind I've probably thought "weak" more times I care to admit. Maybe that has led me to not have too high expectations of men. So I certainly couldn't say I view men as gods.
2. The difference in men and women's insecurities surely demonstrate that we indeed are two very different creatures. My observations have been that women compare themselves with one another too much. Men seem to not care too much about comparison. Women gossip! I don't think I've ever heard a man gossip. And gossip in my opinion is a big slice of insecurity. In my life, I've seen the insecurity of men that won't admit they don't know something. An unwillingness to be vulnerable. Men seem to me to need to at the very least put on airs of confidence.
3. Oh sure! I know many women in my life that I've grown to know that have demonstrated the desire of omniscience and omnipotence with men in their life. I found it so funny how Beth talked about trying to get her man to read christian books and listen to CDs and try to be a cheerleader because I've done it too! But all too often my spirit told me that I have enough of my own spiritual challenges… kinda like the look at the plank in your own eye before pointing it out in another's. My husband has demonstrated spiritual growth in our life together but it only came about because he was led by HIM, not me. And recently my husband for the first time said aloud that it was me that led him to want to know more about God. And at that moment the first thing I said was "really???" and I immediately thought in my head, well he didn't read any christian books, or I didn't browbeat him to accept Jesus, … I , I , I … get the picture?. Just as quickly, I smiled to myself and knew it wasn't about my omnipotence. He saw a woman trying to love the Lord all on my own and he then turned to God to figure out his own walk of faith.
I am not quite ready to post my answers yet, but I had to say that I really like the idea about sharing songs. I did it once all ready, but I would love the get my Jesus groove on with some more tunes. Music helps me focus my heart. Anyway, I just wanted to give a shout out to my siesta who suggested this :O)
1. I would have to say both.
2. In my own experience I have not seen much difference between the two.
3. Omnipotence, just like you Beth I thought I had ALL the answers to my ex-husbands problems. I did a lot of the same things you did, to no avail.
Mischelle
46
Madison, TN
Divorced
This is to Anonymous at 8:44 on the 20th…I've been sitting here trying to find the words to convey how your honesty has touched me. I have spent most of my life feeling invisible…to the point of even crying out to God "Do You see me Lord, do You see me?" As for the feeling of being alone, that's also been a constant ache. Sometimes I get so tired of "running" just to keep ahead of it because it feels like it is going to swallow me up and I really will disappear. Like you, I know the Lord is enough but that's not where my thoughts and emotions always take me. (therein lies the problem, I know) But over the past couple of years I have become more and more convinced that only my relationship with my Savior IS the answer…and so I pursue Him, and He meets me where I am. The hitch comes in when I realize that I'm still not allowing Him to be my all in all. The Siesta who commented after your post talked of listening to other women talk about how their husbands were their everything, their world and completed them. How she would long for that. I listen to others talk about how God has become their everything, how He fills them…and I also experience a longing. Don't get me wrong, I know the weakness is in me NOT God. I'm the variable here. I believe God is good and righteous. I don't know if you will ever see this post but I just wanted to reach out to you and link arms so to speak and tell you that your honesty in sharing your heart spoke so clearly to my heart. God bless you Sister.
1-I have tend to look at my husband and men as more God's.
2- I look at mine as rejection and being criticized, and as I read about men and knowing my husband for 26 years now, and the more God pursues him and we talk. He deals with performance to get acceptance. How he deals when our finances have been awful a lot going out and not enough coming in and the pressure he feels. We both deal with different things.
3- I deal with both, but omniscience struck a strong pull at my heart. We had left a church plant, not a good thing. As I looked back, I tried to find out more and more stuff they were doing. The church plant wasn't changing and I was getting madder and more angry and bitter. It wasn't until I stopped and forgave and and asked God to forgive me was their peace. It did nothing good for me. And asking God to forgive me for wanting to know the bad stuff.
There was no peace.
Beth thanks for this book, it has been so good. We just finished in our Thursday morning bible study at church for women Breaking Free. God knew I need this at this time.
Stacy, Cincinnati, married, 40's
Alison, 30's, married, OK
1. Devils. From Childhood, which I can't really explain, only wonderful godly men in my life.
2. I see our differences in insecurity going directly back to our different God-given needs. Women need love and connection, so we feel insecure when we think we aren't getting enough of that. Men have a need for respect and to provide for their own. They feel insecure when those are not happening.
3. I think resonate is too nice a word. More like an earthquake. A hurricane maybe. Yes is my answer to both.
The story about your friend was so difficult to read. It's my story. Except I did marry the guy, and then became addicted to being a PI. Lord deliver me.
When I finished reading chapter 11 this morning and picked up my maroon pen (I'm an Aggie, after all) to write down my response to this chapter's question, all I could think of was a cookbook I'd recently rediscovered in my pantry. It was a BBQ book that I'd given to my husband and, based on what I wrote in the inscription, I must have given it to him not longer after his affair came out.
"My heart is in your hands." Ugh. I vaguely remember saying or writing that often during that season. UGH. In my mind, *he* was the one who had torn my heart to shreds and therefore *he* was the one that should fix it. And *want* to fix it. Didn't he see how much he'd hurt me?? Didn't he feel responsible to make it better?
Well…not exactly. I'm sure it repelled him even more.
I am who ***GOD*** says I am. Therein lies my security.
(There's a happy ending to our story. That was 13 years ago and next month we will celebrate our 22nd anniversary. It was an amazing and healing journey. To God be the glory!)
I don't think I ever thought much of how I viewed men till reading the chapter and I can say it was ( I say was because it was when I was young) that I veiwed them as gods. My husband has since gone on to be with the Lord and I just have no desire to think about men :)He was the one you know and there is not another So I've lived that season. Not sad about it just in a different season.
I have been kind of watching the guys and gals at work to see if I could detect insecurity in any of them. And I think I can. Some of guys get mad, some act silly, some don't talk. As for the gals I see a lot of them talking down about them selfs, I try and encourage when I here that.
Omnipotence would be the one that resinated with me. I was always trying to make my husband:" happy". I think with my family as well trying to keep everyone happy. Man that was hard !!! I don't do that any more but when I was younger . It takes years to learn some of this stuff as we grow with Jesus. And thank God we do learn as we go ,Seems a little backwards sometimes like it is a little to late to be learning this. But God knows what is in our future so maybe it is for a different time , so I will just keep on learning. đ
I'm a little late with this but been a busy week.
Pam
Campbellsburg, In.
Single ( Widow)
50's
Love you all
OK – better late than never…I was determined to NOT be defeated.
1. I think over the course of my life, I've seen men as both gods and devils. I looked up to my dad growing up, so he may have been a god to me. But when my parent's struggled with their marriage, he changed and our relationship is changed now, so I have a hard time "looking up" to him. I married too young to someone who was very emotionally abusive, so coming out of that, men were definately devils! But I love my husband – and I know in our 18-year marriage I have placed too much expectation on him and thought of him as a god…one that could meet ALL my needs. So I know I need to do better with that.
2. In just knowing how my husband thinks (sometimes :)) I see him hiding behind his insecurities, but they don't define him. He definately withdraws (as noted on pg. 194). I've allowed my insecurities to define me.
3. Boy – chapter 11 had me reading with my eyebrows up! At times I wondered if I was nieve and other times it had me shaking scared. We hear of infidelity in so many marriages even within the church and I've told my husband "I have feared that for us". Although he's very reassuring, I realize we need to have our armor constantly on against the devil's schemes. I think for me I struggle more with omnipotence–if my husband would only do _____, then he would be so much happier; or if he would NOT do ______ I would be so much happier. Again, after reading this chapter, I realize that God is the one in control and only he can break my husband's strongholds. I need to bend the knee on that one more quickly.
Beth – thank you so much for your ministry, it has truly helped me grow my faith over the last 10 years.
Blessings,
Valerie
Louisville KY
40s, Married
I feel a bit behind in my homework, but here are my answers for chap.10 & 11…
1. My historical tendency? To view them as devils, for sure! My first husband left me when I was 5 mos. pregnant with our first child- for a man. I had tried to save whatever scrap of marriage we had left, but he just wasn't willing to fight for me. Left me devastated. Then one day as I was alone and talking to myself, I heard these words come out of my mouth… "Of course I'm having a girl. I REFUSE to add to the male population!!" (You guessed it. I had a boy. Surely, God had made an error!)
(I'm 49 and there are 4 men in my life… Husband and 3 sons. But God is gracious and I love them dearly.)
2. Differences b/w men's and womens' insecurities?? I don't really see much difference. It seems it mostly can go back to the basic I-want-to-be-loved-and-accepted-for-who-I-am stuff. Or the Am-I-doing-this-right? stuff. Even as I'm reading this book, I find my husband being more fearful that this book will bring OUT my insecurities that he's "working so hard to help squelch!" (Yes, his words!)
3. Omnipotence, I'm sure. pgs. 211-212 practically described me! But lately, I'm coming to understand that my husband does not stand in my shoes; therefore, his walk is different from mine. And God doesn't need MY help in changing him. In fact, God doesn't even need my ideas!!! (Now, that's humbling.)
Kristi
Philadelphia
40's
married
1.) I think I have to say both. I have always thought very highly of my father. As a child, I thought he could do anything. After suffering abuse from my first husband, I began to see men as devils.
2.) Men fear mostly failure and women fear just about anything else. đ
3.) Omnipotence – I want to be in control.
Kristin
AL
30's
Married
I'm a week behind but I didn't not want to post a comment.
1) I view men as gods. I'm glad this was something that you pointed out in the book Beth because it was something that the Lord has been working on dealing with me since I got into serious relationships when I was 19 and it really skewed how I handled them. So I'm really thankful this was addressed :O)
2) I think that guys hide their insecurity way better than girls.
3) I think a little of both. More so now that I've gone through what I have. I try really hard to control everything around me so that I don't get hurt again by anything. God is working on me in that area. Healing is happening and needed.
married
30’s
1. This question and chapter triggered some things very deeply in me. I was surprised to discover that I basically see men as devils. Some very bad things happened to me when I was very young. When I was sixteen I was raped by someone I knew, someone that could have, in an instant, had forty character witnesses come forward to say there’s no way he could ever have done such a thing. I would have said that about him myself before this happened. I had another incident happen when I was twenty and ending a relationship where I saw a side of a man I didn’t know existed – the crazy, mean side. These events and all the other predictable ones left me highly suspicious and cynical of men in general. I’ve been married seventeen years. Several years ago I was listening to a teaching about God looking upon us and seeing our beauty. My immediate thought was, “Oh great, He’s leering at me like every other creep.” As I was thinking about this question and how this has obviously affected me deeply for many years I realized this is connected to something the Lord started showing me at the end of last year. I have experienced much deliverance in my walk with the Lord but He has revealed a deep root of apathy in me. In order to obey God’s call on my life I need to feel something, but mostly I don’t.
2. It seems to me that their insecurities target their roles as children of God. Women as receivers and men as providers and protectors. We seem to be attacked early and often in an attempt to extinguish the amazing potential God has placed inside each of us.
3. Omniscience is the clear winner for me. I have driven myself crazy trying to “know” everything.
1. I tend to view men as gods. I think it stemmed from my deep love and relationship with my Dad as a little girl.
2. My comments on differences in men’s and women’s insecurities come from what I’ve read as they resonated with me or informed me. On page 195 Beth wrote that men give off the don’t mess with me vibe and women give off the please mess with me vibe!
On page 188, men withdraw, women cling.
This next one struck me (p 188); girls become women when they reach a certain age. Boys become men when they attain and conquer.
Again, from page 188 regarding provision, one feels frightened by it, but the other feels defined by it.
3. Omnipotence resonated with me. My kids and certain school teaching situations have been used powerfully in my life to teach me about my tendency to omnipotence.
I am thankful for the caution regarding omniscience on page 225; “I cannot caution you strongly enough to tread carefully in the turbulent deep water of another’s mind lest you nearly drown.”
1. I’m not sure about saying I view men as gods, but I know I give them more power over my emotions than I need to…
2. From observations of men in my life, I can see that they are more often validated or invalidated by their work, while women in general by how we are viewed by others.
3. I really have a lot to think about from this chapter. As far as the omnipotence, I tend to want to be a fixer with my family members, because I so much want them all to be happy (and of course I know what is best for them!). This overlaps into omniscience because if I feel I know all the details in whatever they are going through, I am better able to “help”. This really is a chapter about boundaries. I didn’t get to have many as a child, so I have had to learn as an adult both to set my own and respect those of others. Boundaries take so much pressure off a relationship!
1. Probably devils – I have let men determine my security and happiness for too long. Being hurt and dissapointed by them hurts my view of men.
2. From reading the chapter, I can now identify insecurity in men better and do see similarities. But I also see differences in a specific instance as far as how a particular man I know deals with his insecurity. I can see now that he is insecure with himself and that he deals with it by not getting close to women and how he treats them.
3. The piece that resonated with me for omnipotence is around the control piece of “If he- then I”. I have for so long been clinging to If my husband would become a Christian, then everything would be better. So I have worked and worked on him – and I need to let go and turn it over to God.
Also with omniscience – because of trust issues I have gone down the path of checking phone and email (when left alone – because he is not open to having open access to each others). Because he is not open to having access it has caused issues. I feel the more he’s against it, the more he’s hiding.
Niki
30’s
Married
Overland Park, KS
1. This one was a hard one for me. Iâd say that I have a tendency to view men as devils. Iâve always been independent and thought that if I was one step ahead of the game, men couldnât affect me like Iâve seen them do to so many women and friends around me. Yet, I get along great with guys and often would rather spend time with them than most women. They are straight and to the point, get over things quickly, love to have fun, and love to give attention. Yet at the same time, Iâve found myself looking for their faults and pinpointing them once Iâve found them. It must come back to seeking control and being a step ahead⊠if I can find their faults ahead of time, they canât hurt me and Iâm prepared for anything that may come my way.
2. The main difference I see with men and women is how we handle our insecurities.
3. I have found myself seeking omnipotence and omniscience. But one definitely dominates- OMNIPOTENCE! Before this book I knew that I loved control but I thought that was mostly a good thing- after all it has saved me a lot of heartache and Iâve been able to take matters into my hands and work hard at things. And yet God continually shows me examples everyday where I need to let go of my control.. to turn over the steering wheel. And when I donât give it up, God pries my fingers off and unexpected change occurs, leading to fear and insecurity. What a sick cycle! Seizing control hurts those around me and those I love dearly, and for some reason, those are the relationships I crave to have the most control.
Katie
27
Married
Russellville, AL
1. My tendency has been to view men as “devil-gods” (I wanted to say deviled-gods but that made me think of deviled-eggs). Mostly as gods, b/c of the power I’ve allowed them to have over me. Anyway I perceived they judged me, thats what I accepted as my truth (mostly regards to how I look and my competence). I describe them as devil-gods b/c mostly I feel their power/ruling over me is negative and not for my good, to put me down. I hate this, yet I have sought out their definition of me and receive it even if it hurts and wounds me. Hmmm…messed up much?!
The question on pg. 197 made me think, “are you wholly unable to imagine being fulfilled w/o a man in pursuit or one in your clutches?” You know, I had never thought of it till now, but from the first boyfriend till I got married I had always been with a guy or been in pursuit of a guy. I never could just be ok by myself and just enjoy being w/my friends. I was SOOO LOST during those days, w/o a clue of who I was. This was a huge revelation to me: Being w/a guy was my life and I built who I was around whoever I was with. I found my affirmation and definition in guys…no matter how “deviled” they were.
2. I see that both genders struggle with appearances, but for each, appearances are defined differently. For women, its all things physical. For men, its what they do, how good they are at it, how much they make, what they have, their power. I recall my uncle saying “the difference between a man and a boy are the size of their toys.”
It seems the insecurities are formed from the way you perceive you measure up to the cultural standard of what is worthy of praise and approval. Its sad b/c unless we seek to please Christ alone(2Cor. 5:9), we are all just a bunch of people-pleasers.
3. Omnipotence: I recently experienced a missed opportunity of something I greatly desired doing (going to seminary). Not going was pretty much due to my husband’s strong urging for me to wait. God had also brought to my attention a clear teaching on Eph. 5:22, so I pulled back based on my husband’s reservations and leading. It eats at me b/c I wonder if my man said “wait” b/c he was following God, or b/c of his own fears. I keep I keep thinking that b/c he doesn’t pray more and really have a quiet time w/God, somehow that effects God’s purpose in my life. (How foolish of me to think God can be thwarted!). I get frustrated and think, “if only he would…then…” Lord, help me to realize no matter what my man does, you WILL fulfill your plans for me, YOU ALONE are in charge!
Omniscience: I got horrid chills when I realized that I have been coveting God’s omniscience. I keep fixating on “what is God planning? When is it coming? Am I supposed to be doing something to prepare now? Did I miss something?”…and on and on. B/c of not going to seminary, like I had thought, I find my self in a wilderness (27 years old, no kids, no job). I am LONGING for something new, I want so bad to be part of what God is doing in my generation for His glory, yet I have no clue what that is going to be. I keep questioning so many things, constantly being tempted to think He doesn’t really have a plan for me and I’m instead supposed to being figuring it out on my own. Lord, help to rest in your protective will and have a joyful expectation for the future b/c of your promises. To fixate on YOU alone, to seek to KNOW you and rest with you in this place. You are my Shepherd…You are really all that I want!
Karen
MN
40s
single
1. I really don’t see men as gods or devils.
2. I haven’t noticed men’s insecurities before. I think I am so caught up in my own insecurities I don’t see other people’s insecurities whether they are men or women. I just see myself as having the problem. It was interesting to read that men have this struggle too.
3. Omnipotence. Wow, chapter 11 hit home. There were two sentences where I just could not read any further until I stopped to let them sink in and take some deep breaths. “People who are chronically insecure often have an overwhelming tendency to become control freaks” and “It took me forty years in the wilderness to realize that at the end of the day, people do what they want to do” had a big impact. I had just turned 40 when I got the biggest wake up call of my life that I needed to change and I needed to let God change me. I often ask myself (and God) why it took so long for my eyes to open and could things have been different if I would have been different. I am working on it and praying and praying. I also want to leave a positive and secure legacy for my daughter. I have lived in selfish insecurity for too long.
1) I’ve always viewed them more as gods. I felt like it was very important to have a man all the time and based my security on them.
2) I think men focus more on their success and are scared to fail. They will compare themselves to other mens’ success. Women tend to focus more on appearances and compare themselves to other women much more.
3) I feel like I’ve struggled more with omniscience. So many times I’ve tried to find out more about my husband’s previous addiction to pornography, and it always haunted me. I’d try to figure out what was going on his head ALL the time. I just ended up more hurt. I learned that I needed to trust in God ultimately and leave it up to Him.
Married
30
GA
Beth!!!!!
Ok, I really feel like I have to explain myself after getting to meet you at the book signing at B&N on March 20th! I have been replaying it over and over in my silly little head and I just need to get this off of my chest! (I’m an over analyzer and when I meet someone or leave a conversation, I’m the type that thinks about it the rest of the day!!!)
I was the girl in the bright green t-shirt with a big Earth on it that read “March for Missions”. Upon meeting you I told you I loved you so much, hugged you for a long time and cried my little eyes out! You asked about my shirt, and I think the only thing I could squeak out while crying was “a pastor friend of ours….” Oh goodness gracious, I’m embarrassed just thinking about it! I know you are just so precious that you probably didn’t think a thing about it, and the fact that that you don’t makes me love you even more đ
Meeting you in person far exceeded what I thought it would be! There was no doubt in my mind that you would be one of the sweetest, most kind women of God I had ever met…and I was right đ When you walked out into the area to the table where you stood to sign the books, the Lord radiated off of you in such a precious way. I remember thinking to myself “praise the Lord, this is a woman who loves God with all her heart and Christ surrounds her AND the space she’s in!!” It touched my spirit so heavily that I instantly got choked up and had insta-tears! Seeing Christ in you touched me so much, Beth. Matthew 5:16 came to mind. I couldn’t help but give glory to God knowing what He’s done in and through you. You encourage women to “wear this Book out!” (which is what you wrote in my Bible!) You encourage women to live sanctified lives. You encourage women to be who they are in Christ. And you live it.
I’m one of many thousands of women that love you so so much and pray for you and your precious ministry. I know you hear these stories so often, but I couldn’t let one more day go by without sharing mine.
I said it once and I’ll say it again….I love you so much, Beth! You are so precious to me. Thank you for allowing God to use you to encourage the hearts of women who simply want to love God and love people.
Lord bless, precious sister.
Becca
1.) Definitely devils. Not sure what the earliest roots were, but for sure I have disrespected men most of my life. I think out of fear and insecurity. Here are some possibilities:
A) My teenage years were some of the most active and vocal times of the Womenâs Lib Movement, so, though I didnât really subscribe to their agenda, Iâm sure I picked up some of their disdain for men.
B) I have been a passive/aggressive resister of authority most of my life too, regardless of gender.
C) I was molested at age 12 by a âpeerâ, and was rebellious enough to believe for the longest time that I had actually enjoyed the encounter, and didnât even feel shame for it until new school rules made me realize he mustâve tried it with another girl and she had had the security, wisdom, and strength enough to resist AND to tell on him!
D) Then as a socially awkward 16 year old and ânever been kissedâ, the boy I was âsweet onâ appeared drunk on my darkened front porch on Halloween as I was handing out candy to the neighborhood kids, and he roughly and grossly kissed me aggressively full on the mouth and fled to the waiting car of a friend. ICK!
2.)An insecurity I can’t even relate to as a woman:Iâve observed my husbandâs fear of not being a good provider, even though all of our married life he has worked successfully in the same job and made a better living than either of us ever dreamed. Itâs hard for him to consider early retirement b/c of this same insecurity.
3.)Definitely omnipotence. I mistakenly thought for years and years that if everything were just the way I wanted it, then I would be happy. My husband wasnât one to be âchangedâ, but he didnât want to fight all the time either, so he would just capitulate, saying, ‘whatever you want’, but neither of us got much enjoyment out of our relationship. Thankfully, God is at work restoring!
1. I tend to view men as gods, I went into marriage thinking my husband would fulfill every emptyness left in me. Boy did I get a wake up call. I’ll be married 7 years in May and God is still tending to me on this.
2. I think simply put we wear our security on our sleeve dying for someone to fix it while men withdraw.
3. Omnipotence is my downfall. The part where you said “if someone would do it right, we would’nt have to take over” this so struck me I’ve thought these very excat words in moments where I was trying to justify my actions.
Sarah
Colorado Springs, CO
30’s
Single
1: I see Men as God’s. I want them to protect, save, care for, provide, etc…. I put my trust into them instead of God. Thank the Lord that I got a hold of this book!!! God’s changing me.
2: I think a difference is that women seem to show it more. Guys (to me) hide it easier.
3: Omnipotence!
1. Historically I have viewed men as devils because of the abuse I received at my father’s hands. I attributed to all men my father’s motives in his abuse of me, and most of what I did in my relationships was to make the man prove that he was different from my father. My first marriage (he died before I married my current husband of 23 years) looked exactly like my father, minus a gunshot wound to the forehead. A therapist pointed out the similarity to me. I went through life assuming that all men wanted the physical part of the relationship, so give it to them and get it out of the way. I gave so much of myself away to these men in one night stands that it is a miracle that there was anything left of me. Fortunately God restored me and healed me. Yet there are still roots of insecurity that remain, and I assume that most, once they know me, will hate me. I am in amazement that my husband loves me, and he does. But there are times when a memory still crosses my mind and I have to pray to God to take it away and remind myself that my husband is NOTHING like my father.
2. Being married to what a doctor termed a pleasant type A personality of a man, I think the difference is that men hold their insecurities within and not share them as openly. I think all insecurity, whether male or female boils down to the need for love. No human can love us the way God can love us, but we seek others to affirm and love us, and often they fall short. Sometimes I think the burden on men is much harder for society teaches that they need to bear their challenges with a “stiff upper lip” and they have a sense of responsibility not only for themselves, but for their wives and children. Women tend to network more than men do, at least in my husband’s case. I remember that when my children were in school because of my involvement with scouting and homeroom and volunteering at school I made more connections. Wherever we went my husband was surprised at how many knew me, but he spent a lot of his time at home working and not out in the community, so there was more isolation. We are now doing things differently and finding ways to be with others and know others, so that is changing, but at first it was hard for him.
3. Both omnipotence and omniscience resonated with me. In fact, right now in doing the homework for A Woman’s Heart on Page 53 I answered your question “I persistently try to act as if i cannot hear You ask me to give You my sense of control freely, then I read Chapter 11 of So Long Insecurity – boy does God have an impeccable sense of timing! For me, as a child the only way I survived was control. I had to control the number of tears I shed during a beating – too many and I got a beating for crying too much, too few and i got beaten for he had not hit me hard enough. And then of course with the incest I had to hold everything within to survive and hold myself together. Control was the difference between life and death for me, and the need for control continued long after it was no longer necessary. Even today I give things to God’s hands and then grab it back, figuring I HAVE to do something about it. I am improving, and God is helping me to see that if I truly give control over to Him, He will take care of things for me in ways that I can’t imagine that will benefit me. I have only been saved 8 years, after having spent 40 years in the wilderness hating God (I gave up on God when I was 8). it has taken 8 years since being saved for me to let go of my death grip on control and trust God. I guess you could say I am a work in progress. Regarding Omniscience, I used to forever ask God “WHY?” and wanted Him to show me where He was in my past. Lately He has been giving me glimpses on a need to know basis, and I am realizing that had He shown me these things a few years ago it would have separated us, for I couldn’t have handled the knowledge. I am blessed, like you, to have an openness with my husband, and we both are able to read each other’s emails, not that we do, but it is possible to do so. There is nothing hidden. What is tough is that my husband seems attracted to some shows that he calls “culture” and they involve scantily clad women. Sometimes I will walk into the room and see an image on TV that brings me back to my past or is very difficult to banish. Some of his friends send emails I wish they wouldn’t send. I have a different standard for what I can handle on TV, etc. I keep praying and if he is watching a show I can’t stand I tell him I am not in love with the subject, I leave the room and go and either read something edifying or listen to praise music. I know that God has that in His hands, but sometimes it is a challenge. Yet, we have been married 23 years and I trust him and his love for me.
Beth, this book is a blessing and I thank you so much for what you have shared with us regarding this. Sorry I am a bit behind = but hey, I am a small group leader for A Woman’s Heart and I do have to do my homework – week one and two were pretty challenging. In fact, in the study of Manna I think there is something to be said about the Israelites -and insecurity. Insecurity led their murmuring, for they did not trust that God would provide. God pulled them out of Egypt, and fed them Manna, and they spent the time in the wilderness for God had to get Egypt out of them. Sadly, the images that they saw in Egypt were not that easy to remove, hence the golden calf. Far easier to go back to the demon you know than to venture into the great unknown with God, I suspect they felt. I know that when God has made many changes in my life, a lot of times it requires him putting me in a place of discomfort and need so that He gets my attention. I am praying to be more receptive BEFORE God feels I need discomfort to change.
Heather
Shokan
50’s
Married
Anna
DFW, Texas
20’s
Single
(Still playing catch-up!!)
1. Gods. My relationship with my father is a bad one, and Iâve always looked to other men to fill that role, I believe. Somewhere in my mind the thought process has been âIf a man loves me the way I need to be loved, my life will fall into place!â
2. We seem to have the same insecurities, generally speaking. Itâs how we respond to them that differs so greatly! Like Beth said, we cling, they pull awayâŠnot a good combination!
3. YES!!! I have always longed to control everything in my life, because that helped me to âfeelâ more secure (although we ALL know that it only heightened my insecurities!!). I want to know all and see all. Iâll tell ya, if Iâm having a conversation with someone and they start texting someone, I go CRAZY with all the thoughts that go through my head on what is being said about me! I will even play out the situation in my head of how I can get my hands on that phone to read what was said. When I know in my âsaneâ section of my brain that it was most likely not about me at allâŠinsecurity reigneth supreme! But I fit the picture of this chapter â as I gain knowledge, Iâm worse off because of it. I am struggling to learn to rest in the knowledge that God gives me and not strive for anything past that!
I am prone to view them as devils. However having been married to an angel these past 10 years my outlook has changed.
40’s
Married
Corryton, TN
1) Men = Devils — Men in my life have been abusive & angry (natural father), strict, limiting & demanding (stepfather), needy & demanding (husband), and my way/no way (former boss). Most of these men have the good side especially my husband. His loving and nurturing side is there especially when I need it most!
2) No difference between the insecurities of men and women. Men just “appear” to be better at hiding theirs than women.
3) I am omnipotence — sounds much like my issues of co-dependency.
Instead of the post-traumatic stress syndrome, my counselor feels co-dependency is my issue. The more I learn about it, the more I agree. Therapy is going well but difficult at times. This study as I said at the beginning is perfect timing — the foundation of my co-dependency keeps coming back to insecurity. Selah’s song “Deliver Me” is a great inspiration to those of you working through this book. Does anyone else have a song that inspires and lifts them? I know taking time to praise God helps too!
1. I don’t think I lean to one side to strong for men in general. However, in my specific relationships with I think I have viewed them as a god or devel depending on the situation. At times the men in my life were a god because my world revolved around them, or when they deeply broke my heart with betrayal they became a devil. Now, I feel like I do have a correct view of men…God’s view of what a man should be.
2.I think what I have noticed a lot is that when men are dealing with insecurity they either respond with anger or arrogance.
3. I think I relate more to the having control over my life, although I do want to know information as well. The control issue is a long term struggle that I am working through with God…it’s hard.
1 – Mostly devils
2 – Believe most men try to prove themselves as men based on a worldly standard or what has been passed down through generations but I am beginning to believe that may not be God’s original intent for the male because those things tend to change based on environment, upbringing, location, etc. However same is true with women. Believe the way in which we handle it is different.
I believe that if both women and men chased Christ for He is they would inevitably become who they are meant to be.
Again, thanks so much for your hard work and transparency in this book….for walking this journey before us so that you could turn back and put out a hand to help us along the way…..believing that God is doing a mighty work in my life through this book!
Much love and many prayers your way!!!
Married
30’s
Florida
Hey Beth and everyone, catching up here. I have always had problems with the control. But then I realized that a belif I had was when I always have to be in control or I will be stupid or taken advantage of. When I first was married and my husband would live to go on hunting trips I would thru a fit (not pretty) to get him to stay with me. I would try to control him so he wouldn’t leave. Now I just give it to God well most of the time. Oh Beth how that struck me in the face. When I am insecure now I see my behavior and try to shift out of it.
The other part of that was when I was growing up I wanted to know everything my mom was doing,who she dated. Moment of truth here: I shouldn’t have known everything. She was my mother and God was in charge of the situation. I still know things that I wish I hadn’t known especially after her death. God had given me the bits and pieces and the grace to forgive my mom with God’s planting of the truth thru others. Oh how amazing He truly is.
In all truthfulness, I think I’ve always viewed men as devils, because of how I’ve been treated by men over the years. I have always thought all men were just as controlling as the next and didn’t care about anyone but themselves. Reading through the men’s posts really helped me see, that I was just going for guys with the same attributes my own insecurities were used to.
2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between menâs insecurities and womenâs?
Men, well, they tend to hide their insecurities more, but they do it in this quiet look on their faces. They turn away, or walk away when they start to feel it come on. Or with many of the men I’ve been with…they turn to other things.
I think women are a lot similar to this too, because while we may share about our insecurities with other women, we are more opt to ” generalize” the story. We are so afraid to trust other women that we don’t let the true story out of how we are feeling, therefor we do get used to turning away from the conversation, or walking away. Or like men we turn to other things. For me, it was just being able to ” feel” something, I would be with men to just “feel” what it was like to be loved for even a little time.
Deep down the emotion was empty, because I’ve never known how to feel or how to love, therefore it was always one sided.
Angie
29yrs old
Savannah, GA