So Long Insecurity Week Six!

Hey Everybody! I am so proud of you guys! Your discussions have been tremendous. I am especially happy that so many of you have jumped in with us late and gone back to the very beginning, signed in, and added your answers to the previous weeks of our book discussion. Way to go! As we moderate, we give the same attention to the comments on the older posts as the ones that are up-to-date. I promise you that community and active discussion will make your journey far more meaningful and hold you infinitely more accountable.

Ok, we’re about to get to a part of the book that I found highly interesting in research. The next several chapters involve the insights from the men’s survey and I bet a few of their comments will pop your eyes open, too. In the mix of what we have ahead, we’re going to be focusing on men-related insecurities then soon after that (in coming chapters) we’ll focus specifically on women-related insecurities. Each of us has a tendency to be less secure around one gender than the other and, according to the survey of over 900 of you, we’re almost evenly divided between the two. I pray we’re going to gain insight into some gender-related insecurities and stumble upon some much needed freedom. I really want you to read the portions about the men even if you don’t have a mate or a specific man in your life. If we have resistant, resentful hearts toward men, we can’t just avoid them altogether. They comprise the other half of our population so it really is imperative in our pursuit of wholeness that we get a grip.

Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

We are liable to have some LIVELY conversation this week! I can’t wait to see it happen! Just one little thing I want to throw out there: some of you may have some pretty big hang-ups with men because you have a background of abuse like I do. If it plays heavily into one of your answers, by all means, share what pertains but I’ve learned along the way that it’s best to stop short of graphic descriptions. Most people have a hard time knowing what to do with those kinds of mental images. I’ve told every graphic detail in counseling situations but, publically, I try to stay general. It’s just too much for most listeners and readers. They have compassion but they just don’t have the answers. We know Who does.

Go for it, Girls! I’m so honored to take this journey with you.

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444 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week Six!”

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  1. 401
    Tammy says:

    1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils? I don’t think I view them either way, they are just men and are flawed like I am.

    2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s? Women feed into theirs more than men. They don’t show their insecurities as much as we women tend to do.

    Tammy
    40s
    Married
    Kentucky

  2. 402
    lmariec says:

    This is my first post — to this study and this blog.

    3.) Omniscience. So that’s what it’s called. That’s the word I have been looking for to strip from my walls. I just completed the Breaking Frees study and have been disappointed that I am not — well — FREE.

    Thank you God for putting this message in front of me. Every word in chapter 11 — for me. From the illustration to the closing verse in Col 2. Just this morning I was confronted with one of those moments when I was reminded — and tempted to replay old conversations and images. Last paragraph, page 225. Thank you Jesus! One reflection at a time — I now know to ask God to grant me His own words to recite in the moment that I am tempted. Thank you Jesus! Thank you for revealing this truth to me. Thank you for words that I desperately needed to hear. Thank you for showing me the way. Forgive me for wanting to to know it all and see it all. Only you God are omniscient.

  3. 403
    tcal says:

    1.
    Growing up and still now, I have viewed men as “devils”. My dad always put me down while growing up. Nothing I did was ever right. He STILL treats me that was as an adult. He was harsh and brutal to us (my siblings and me) and to my mother as well.

    There are very few kind, genuine men out there because of their pride and their need to control. I don’t know what society has done to them to make them this way. The media is full of “bad boys”. Celebrities, athletic stars, and politicians have been unfaithful to their wives. My married friends have said if they could do it all over again they would have stayed single. My marriage failed after one year because my husband shut me out constantly, was gone a lot, viewed porn on the internet, and was irresponsible with money. My child’s birth father never had anything to do with either of us.

    I think seeing men as genuine humans is major insecurity for me. I don’t feel comfortable around men and I never have. My father’s lack of respect for women left a big hole in my heart that only Christ can heal and fill with His love.

    2.

    I think both men and women have equal insecurities. The only difference is women admit theirs and openly talk about it (we talk about everything!!)….and men hold their insecurities to themselves so they don’t appear as weak. Most men are brought up to be tough skinned, not to show emotion, etc.

    3.

    Because of my insecurity and me being a mom. I would say I lean toward being “omniscience”—-I have to know all the details when it comes to my child now that she is older—Where, When, Why, Who, and How. I know it gets on her nerves but I don’t want her to get hurt like I have.

  4. 404
    Carol says:

    1. A little of both gods and devils.
    2. Men tend to want to be left alone and not bothered. Women want attention and want the man to ask what’s wrong.
    3. Yes, omniscience resonated with me. Why do I always want to know something that will hurt me in the long run? I’m trying to quit asking.

  5. 405
    Teresa says:

    Q1. I have to admit that when I was still in school and dating in college, I looked at men more as devils. The schemes they would play and try… aggravating. The more I think about it, the more I guess I still see most men that way… deceiving and manipulative.

    Q2. I really don’t see much difference in the insecurities between men and women.

    Q3. Omniscience resonated mostly with me because I know my best friend from high school use to read emails of a guy she has liked for many years. She broke his password and became obsessed with his emails… and seeing what he really thought of her.

    Teresa
    Bardstown, KY
    30’s Married

  6. 406
    TraciG says:

    1) I definitely view men as gods, I think because I had a great dad who was larger than life to me. Consequently, I have a high standard for them, and it took me a long time to find one that measured up in my mind. Since being married and having kids, I’ve determined I DID have a great dad, but that he wasn’t perfect just like my husband isn’t. God is though, and it’s a good thing because I’m learning, slowly, that when I put people, men or women, on a pedestal, they inevitably fall off. I’m trying to let people be people, and God be God and not confuse the two. It’s hard sometimes though.
    2)From my perspective most of men’s insecurities have to do with whatever it is that feeds their egos–money, position, looks, power etc. I’m not sure really, that they are that different from women’s in that our insecurity stems from wherever we look to get our dignity. And because most of the time it’s not from God, we end up not measuring up, and we are insecure.
    3) I definitely suffer from wanting to be omnipotent. If I can control everything there will be no surprises, no unexpected outcomes… everything that I touch can come back to me and make me appear to have it all together. For me it all has to do with making everything appear “together” on the outside. Plus, I know from personal experience, the unexpected is scary, painful, and hard. I KNOW I can’t control much in life, maybe that’s why I try to so hard…

  7. 407
    Bonnie says:

    Bonnie
    Williamsburg, VA
    40’s
    Married

    1. I think I have looked at men as both gods and Devils. When I was deep in my pit I would put guys on the top of my list. They became an idol and I would do anything for them. This lead me into deep bondage, shame and addiction. Then they would turn into violent and deceptive devils. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd and they were not good Godly men. I am so grateful God pursued me and wanted to have a relationship with me. He is my redeemer, my protector, my divine healer and my King the Great I AM.

    2. Men deeply desire respect and honor and become deeply insecure when they are not getting this. Also when they do not get physical affection as a love language, this can turn into deep insecurities. Women need to know they are deeply loved.

    3. Both spoke to me. The example of Eve really made me think and reflect on this matter. Too much knowledge can send you right back into the pit of bondage. I have been there. I really liked the part about being open and honest with e-mails, etc. Truth in the light and not knowledge in the dark! Thank you for these eye opening wisdom.

  8. 408
    Dawn in PA says:

    1) I had a hard time with this as at first I thought “neither” but when really reflecting on the book and my past I would say both. Really for no particular reason, had a good dad, have a sweet husband, I have no history of abuse of any kind. But I can see where younger I would sooooo want the cutest boy in the school who I had a crush on to notice me and make him “god like” and then there were times that I thought all men were jerks (as in college when a rumor was spread because I would not sleep with a guy I went out with).
    2) The biggest is the “am I a good provider”? Poor things, their fragile ego’s are so wrapped up in that I know my husband, who has been disabled for 13 years now, never feels adequate when we are in mixed groups and all the “six figure engineers, accountants, realtors” etc. talk. Although there’s never, ever any condescension towards my husband, he feels so insecure.
    3)I have never been into control too much! I think the omniscience…..I am one who would LOVE to know everything, every little detail. I never asked much, I was told a lot with out asking but even now, boy the curiosity can kill me!!

  9. 409
    Juley says:

    Married/30’s/Spicewood,TX ~

    1. Because of deep betrayals and hurts in the past, I tagged all men as devils. Then, as I grew-up and met some that didn’t fit the bill, I would pendulum-swing the other way to god-status until they weren’t perfect – then I would revert back to the former opinion. Now, I try to remember that Jesus is the only perfect man, and others (myself included) are in God’s hands – let Him be in charge (focus on my own 2×4 vs. their speck)!

    2. It was a great realization to see that men/women are alike in so many ways – and deal with similar struggles. I think the one difference that stuck out the most was having to “earn” manhood. Nestled in there the added pressure of having to be a good provider and performer. I think that women have the provider/performer pressure, too, but not to the degree that a man does.

    3. I related with omnipotence where accountability turns sheriff. Also, omniscience was a huge insight thinking of things as eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Now, I’m trying to catch myself from needing to ask a million questions. Letting the responsibility shift back to God – the only One who needs to know (and can handle) everything! No longer (Lord willing) choosing to eat from that forbidden fruit!

  10. 410
    Angie says:

    29, married
    West Olive, MI

    Omnipotence & omniscience are two areas I really struggle with. Omnipotence is more of a struggle in my relationship with my husband. Countless times I’ve worked to control him, and felt I’d be happy if I had a puppet for a husband. But I realized that part of what I love about him is that he makes his own choices, and he thinks for himself. Deep down I realized I don’t want a door mat for a husband. I want someone who is independent and leads. And God has shown me in little ways this past week that if I wait on Him, He’ll accomplish things in my husband all in His own timing. If I just sit back and quit meddling, and pray more, things will work out just fine. Often way better than I ever could have orchestrated. In Beth’s Esther study, she just talked about how its tough being a woman who’s worried about the ‘how’. It is not my job to worry about how things will get accomplished in my husband. I’m only called to obey God and seek Him in prayer.

  11. 411
    Carol says:

    1. Probably neither. They’re just men – sometimes likeable; sometimes, well, absolutely not likeable. Sometimes admirable; sometimes not. Sometimes respectable; sometimes not. And that goes for every single one of them.

    2. Men, being less emotional, don’t let their insecurities control them as much as women do.

    3. Omnipotence. I’ve said before, I got through a terribly difficult period in my life repeating Helen Reddy’s mantra, “If I have to, I can do anything.” And I actually still believe that.

  12. 412

    1) I think I’ve viewed men both ways. At one point in my life they were devils and then at a different point in my life I treated them like Gods.

    2) With me and my husband I would say my insecurities lie more in my self esteem and self worth. His biggest worries are providing for our family and I think if he really looked deep a fear of failure for his destiny.

    3) BOTH! I was shocked. I feel that I have been delivered from a lot of insecurity but the behaviors and habits from so many years of being insecure seem to still be playing out in my life. I can see myself still with these two attributes. I’m so thankful for this chapter because it really helped me see my behavior in a whole new light. Such great insight on why I function like I do and how to change it!

    ~Amanda Taylor
    Richmond, VA
    29 Years old
    Married 5 years

  13. 413
    Kristi says:

    1) I have a tendency to view men as devils. I have a lot of baggage with that…mom married 3 times both divorces were the result of affairs….husband had an affair with my friend. I don’t necessarily hate men but I don’t trust them. This is a big struggle for me.

    2) Diff between men and women insecurites…generally speaking I have experienced women are more insecure about apperance and men with measuring up.

    3) OMNISCIENCE for sure. Based on past…I always feel someone is trying to pull something over on me and I can’t stand it! I have to KNOW everything!! Your statement of eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil has freed me up sooo much!! I now have a guide to help me check my motives…Is this the tree of life I am going after or the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Very very helpful…God uses those words freely to convict or allow.

  14. 414
    Brooke says:

    1. I feel like I have a fairly healthy view of men. But … if I had to choose, I would say, I tend to see men more as “gods.” The men in my life have, for the most part, been wonderful. My dad is a godly man … though not without his flaws. My brother, grandfathers, uncles, cousins have for the most part been the same way. I think where the “gods” thing comes into play is in dating relationships … and now in my marriage. (Although, I’ll be honest, I’ve let a “devil” or two slip in there.) I think the way I see it most often now, is by putting so much pressure on my husband … to be the perfect godly man, to be a godly husband, to be my best friend, to talk to me when I want to talk, to be silent when I’m ready to be silent … basically to be everything I’ve ever wanted or needed in a man and to read my mind in order to do it to the best of his ability. I can see how this put a strain on our relationship from time to time when we were dating and now more than ever, now that we’re married.

    2. The main difference I see is how we respond to them. “Generally speaking, men withdraw when they feel insecure—and women cling” (p. 195). A GIANT sun-like lightbulb went off for me when I read this. I think it was also important for me to see the difference in how I worry about finances a lot, but my husband feels like his ability to provide is identity-defining for him. Wow. To me the best thing about this chapter was that I can see now how things I say to the men in my life affect them—even when it doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.

    3. I definitely identify with omnipotence. I like everything to be “perfect” … in order, following the guidelines that I’ve set out, fitting into my plan, not rocking the boat. Interesting how the things that help me be good at my 9-5 job create nightmares in my relationships! On a lesser level, I do identify with omniscience. I sometimes have that crazy desire to KNOW exactly what’s going on … even if it’s not really necessary.

    Brooke – 20s – Married – Alabama

  15. 415
    Karen says:

    1. Probably “gods” –as in ‘better than’ me ; to be admired
    2. Men and women’s insecurities are more similar than I thought they’d be, just exhibited in different ways : men- withdraw; women-cling.
    3. Both – re: omnipotence : “…control someone toward what we’re genuinely convinced is a better life.” Genuine care, but the wrong method. Only God can …
    Re: omniscience : I am curious and have always wanted to know what was going on. This has lead to being controlling/having ‘control issues’ as well as learning things I shouldn’t have and regretted later. Again, Only God can … handle omniscience.
    Karen
    47
    married
    sm. town, Saskatchewan

  16. 416
    Anonymous says:

    TX
    Married
    41 years old

    1. Neither. I’ve always gotten along with men better than women. I felt safe with them. I attribute a lot of this to the relationship I had with my father. I also think between the two genders women have always been more trouble and troubling in friendships. Therefore, I’ve never truly been close to women.

    2. Men aren’t so worried about what others think. When a guy does something wrong to another man it seems so much easier for them to get over it. I don’t see them holding on to a grudge for very long. Also, when a man says he is sorry to another man it seems men truly forgive and move on even being able to get along without any threats.

    3. Omnipotence = all powerful
    I know I haven’t been all powerful but throughout our marriage I have been very controlling so much so that I almost lost my marriage. Through my insecurity I tried to hang on to my husband for dear life. He found someone else who was much more accepting of his flaws who built his ego higher than I ever had. He could do no wrong in her eyes, nor she in his. He was “madly” in love because he found his soul mate (his words not mine).

    Omniscience = all knowing
    Omniscience also resonates with me all to well. I guess I’ve never dug for so much information in my life as I did after God allowed my husband’s affair to be revealed to me in such a way that God was the only one who could have allowed me to be in the “know” of this betrayal. Lord knows my husband wasn’t going to confess. Therefore, God revealed it to me in a very unusual way. I was desperate to get inside my husband’s head and heart [This is God’s place not mine – the all knowing part.] BIG MISTAKE! I dug for details like never before. It was the most pain staking thing I’ve done with my husband because he was so unwilling to let me into this part of his world. But, once the “monster” was released I learned information about how deeply involved and head over heels in love with her he was. Talk about TMI [too much information]. The pain still stings my heart, but God doesn’t allow me to go there. I can go there and still hurt and fall deep within a pit I am now creating for myself. But I mustn’t! I must allow God to renew my mind at this point and confess to God as well as quote or read Scripture to get me through to the other side to walk in newness of life. Instead of growing in my pit I must grow in His grace!

    I had no business knowing the information I was able to pull from him because it was and still is at times too much for me to bear. But, God in all His wisdom can know all and still love my husband. My husband never did give way praise the LORD and clung to his memories of her privately but I got enough information out of him that has haunted my thoughts and crushed my heart beyond belief over the past 8 ½ months since the revelation of their affair.

    I learned my husband “fell” in love with her but not with me. He had to grow to love me. Mind you I never knew this during our 5 year courtship of which one year was engagement nor the nineteen years of our marriage until I dug after I learned of his affair. This is definitely something I could have lived without knowing my entire life, but I just had to know. I’m paying for my digging that’s for sure. I also learned my husband never knew what love was like until he met and fell for her [the other woman]. I learned she was “his angel.” My husband thanked God for sending “his angel” to him daily. This is how the affair was revealed to me and my husband had the audacity to lie to me when confronted. I was creating a document in Vista Print for the new school year. I was drawing a line a piece of paper. I was cutting and pasting a line so I’d have lines on the paper. Instead of the lines I was pasting a note popped up in its place. A little e-mail he sent to her. I remember as if it just happened a moment ago. It was a short 3 liner to his love stating he was so glad God sent her to him. He went on to say he thanked God daily for sending his angel to him. My husband went on to tell me God did send her to him so he could know love and happiness like never before. Our marriage was already unhealthy before the affair. Therefore, my husband justified it because he says he thought I didn’t love him anymore. My husband was so deceived this coming from a Christian man who attended church throughout our marriage every Sunday if not more as well as lead our church as an interim in music a couple of times. He also lead/leads at other churches to fill in music. He is a soloist and taught Sunday School. I was devastated. I have learned I never want to be “all knowing” again. That is God’s job and God’s alone!

  17. 417
    tulakarras says:

    tula – houston, tx – 30 – single

    1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

    My father was the best example of what a man should be like…an excellent provider, passionate, loving, trustworthy & a secure place for me. I know he was not a perfect man, but he was God’s best for me as a father. My relationships with men are much easier than with women. With that said, I tend to view men as gods but not so much in an unhealthy way.

    2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

    The differences are in the types insecurities men struggle the most with compared to my own. For men, the failure to provide & to prove himself a man. For me, rejection, significant loss & pride.

    I’d like to say that there are certainly similarities that I share with men in the way I react to my insecurities…I withdraw totally.

    3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

    I related to both but omnipotence resonated with me more. Excessive control. I find myself in situations where I volunteer to fill in for God. I must remember that I cannot control people…I can’t make them do anything. The only one that can change & deliver them is God. I must stay out of God’s way & remember that I’m called to cherish, support, & PRAY for others.

  18. 418
    Darcy says:

    OK, I’m really behind…sick for a week…company for a week and now kids on Spring Break but I am DETERMINED to complete this study..God just won’t leave me alone about it and I love Him for that! So here goes Week 6:

    1) My tendency has been to view them as gods. All too often from my early teen years I have looked to them to make me feel secure and put my hope in them vs. God. It was interesting to stop and reflect on that and see that pattern. I am thankful God has been working in this area of my life for several years and know that my husband cannot fulfill my every need…only God can.

    2) I definitely see that men withdraw and certainly don’t ask/imply that they have insecurities. Even though as a woman I might not come out and say I’m insecure but when I’m fishing for a compliment, asking for an opinion or reassurance,I certainly am showing my insecurities.

    3) Omnipotence certainly resonated with me. It is another area that God continually works on in my life! I must let things go and I cannot control everything, especially my children or husband. I’m a lot less controlling than I used to be but God always give me opportunities to work in this area!!

    Darcy
    Orlando area
    Married
    late 30s

  19. 419
    Yolanda says:

    1. gods, because in the past, with my past, women tend to treat me not so warmly and there for, I would find myself gravitating to men. NOT SO TODAY, Praise God.

    2. The main difference that I see, is with our outward appearances. Men seem to be very secure in their DNA where women are not.

    3. Omnipotence, control freaks; resonated because after having done your Patriarch study several years ago, I found out that it is GENERALLY human nature for women to manipulate and control. It gave me some breathing room to then allow God to do a work with-in me. Due to LIGHT being shone on some darkness with-in me. Omniscient, really spoke to me with the example you used of the lady and her fiance. That there are many times we don’t need to KNOW all, ALL of the story or situation or circumstances. WE ARE NOT GOD, and God really desires to protect our hearts and our minds, but often times we don’t allow Him to do that. WE PLUNGE AHEAD DIGGING FOR MORE INFORMATION, INFORMATION WE ARE NOT ABLE TO HANDLE.

    Yolanda
    40’s
    married
    Kansas

  20. 420
    Cara says:

    1. I think I tend to see men as gods. At times I let everything my husband does determine who I am or how I am feeling. I will put him on such a pedestal and devote myself to him. Often something happens though that reminds me he is just as flawed and messed up and human as me. He is NOT my god. Eventually the cycle repeats.

    2. I think men withdraw/pull away and put their focus into something they feel secure in. Women seem to reach out to others to build them up and make them secure.

    3. OH. MY. WORD. Not a bit of this was funny BUT I laughed through most of this simply because I could have written every part of it myself. I feel so out of control from insecurity and fear that I have to control whatever I can rather than deal with my issues. I am currently dealing with a loved one struggling with their alcoholism and being in charge of their liquor cabinet is an endless cycle. It works until it no longer does. Then we both feel defeated.

    Cara
    Riverview, FL
    Married- 30’s.

  21. 421
    Andrea S. says:

    1. I have always struggled with thinking of men as gods. I thought I needed one to complete me and thus tended to smother any relationship I had with them; and this was for the most part with boyfriends, but also friends, and bosses (that is a part of my past I am so embarrassed by.)

    2. I see very clearly how different our insecurities are, but also how differently we show them. Mine are more about what people think of me…how I look….how I act, etc. My husband struggles more with a fear of failing, his family, his employer, etc. My husband tends to get discouraged and turn inward, and I too am discouraged but closer to that of a raging lunatic!!!

    3. Omnipotence is definitely my struggle. I am such a control freak down to every little detail of life. But God is showing me where to let go and where I really need to be disciplined. He is teaching me so gently in this area. He has blessed me with a son who is so incredibly spontaneous and impulsive….as his 2nd grade teacher once told me “Andrea, that one likes to dance to his own tune, and how he likes to do things changes from one minute to the next!”

  22. 422
    Traci Wood says:

    Married
    38yrs old
    two teenagers
    Arkansas
    1. I tend to view men as gods, I tend to lean on them way too much and put God way on the back burner when I do. I also hold them up way too high and get disappointed when they can’t meet my standards.
    2. It all hit me like a ton of bricks!! I made many OUCH! notations in the margins! It was like you have been spying on me!! It really made me see my husband and my son for the humans that they are, not the gods I try to make them. I forget sometimes that they are allowed to be imperfect. I see so clearly now how they do not need me to “fix” them, or control their every move, thought, or moment of their lives. They need me to love and cherish them, pray more for them, and be much more compassionate towards them.
    3. Again…OUCH! I saw myself so clearly in trying to be all powerful…thank you for stepping on those toes…they needed it!! I also saw that I have a friend that “depends” on me way too much, and wants my constant knowledge and attention. It is something that I have seen and ignored way too long. I threw that rope to God and know that as I type He is untangling it and taking it under His control! I’m so thankful that I am learning and growing, and parts are shrinking 🙂

  23. 423
    Katie says:

    So, I went ahead and finished the book, but am just now catching up on all my homework. I am not able to attend the simulcast 🙁 so I got a little lazy in keeping up, but here I am… Anyhow.

    1. Gods

    2. As wtih most things with men and women (GENERALLY speaking), I think men’s insecurities are more task-oriented (providing), while women’s tend to be more relationally-oriented (what people think, how it all relates together, etc.)

    3. I defintely struggle with both, but omniscience more. I often get myself into trouble digging for more information and details than this insecure (less and less) mind can handle.

  24. 424
    Diana says:

    1. My first reaction was to say devils but after reading the comments on page 199 I realize that’s not the truth. Anything we devote our attention to and focus on can become a god to us. “We don’t have to love something for it to become a god to us… People bow under the weight of anger and unforgiveness just as prostrate as they bow under the weight of adoration.”

    2. The differences seem to be in how insecurity is expressed.

    3. Omnipotence, being in control and trying to change others. If he would just listen to me and do what I’m sure is right and best for him, he would feel better. But “at the end of the day, people do what they want to do… you can’t change them.”

    North Attleboro, MA
    60’s
    married

  25. 425
    anonymous says:

    As for the questions regarding chapter 10, I think I have seen men more as devils than gods. I had a wonderful, loving father, and I was the second of four daughters; but because my oldest sister was handicapped, I was “Daddy’s little helper.” He encouraged me to believe that there was nothing I couldn’t do, and I was determined to do it all! But as I came around other males (both boys who were classmates and later, adult men), I felt like they didn’t take me seriously and I spent a lot of energy proving I could do anything they did (think, “Annie, Get Your Gun”). I resented being told that I couldn’t do something just because I was a female. I had an analytical mind and a fairly strong body, and I enjoyed figuring things out and doing things myself, but often it seemed as if the culture wanted us females just to sit back and be pretty (which I never felt that I was). Even though I wasn’t raised to believe feminism was a good thing, I did embrace some of its concepts. Now, I am TIRED, and I am ready to let my husband take charge and do things, and to say that I cannot. I finally figured out that trying to keep up was wearing me out, but by this time, my husband is so used to me taking charge or doing things myself that he doesn’t even think to offer a lot of the time. Praise God that as I am more pliable, my husband is more motivated to take the role God assigned him. We make a great team when we do it God’s way, and I relax a lot more.

    Married
    50
    Kentucky

  26. 426
    katie says:

    20s
    married
    north carolina

    1. this one is interesting:definitely as devils. bc of the lack of affirmation/negativity from my dad, I wanted to hide from all men; i would tell myself they are all evil, perverse creatures that i couldnt allow my vulnerable heart to get into their hands. BUT, i realized an interesting twist: my whole life (though i never dated until i met my husband) i longed for that ideal, intimate relationship of marriage one day. when i met matt (my husband), i held him up as a god; he has so many qualities that my dad lacked and a genuine love for the Lord. but as good and strong a man that he is..he’s NOT a god and not meant to be on the pedestal i unknowingly had him on. i was setting myself up for a very hard fall! somewhere in the first year of marriage, the message “got through to me” that he is not a god, not perfect. this created a very devestating cycle in me–the rebound back to other extreme–i told myself that he is indeed a devil, but trying to pull the wool over my eyes. since this, i have battled a very deep sense of mistrust for my husband , questioning his every motive. only until now did i realize where this root of mistrust was coming from. how deceptively destructive insecurity is to us!!

    2. that women tend to be more ok with talking about it, acknowledging it, seeking healing, maybe it’s bc men’s insecurities hit a cord so deeply connecting their very sense of manhood–that they live in such thick clouds of denial. it is harder for them to articulate their emotions/feelings and women walk around with billboards.

    3. definitely both. and both in relation to matt.
    omnipotence: i ultimately want him to think/respond/act like me. i’ll manipulate him in the sneakiest ways (sometimes sneaky even to myself…or maybe its denial) so that he’ll “behave” in the way i want him to. yes, major control issues.
    omniscience: ironically, smack in the middle of reading this chapter, i (without even thinking about it) landed in this situation–of drilling my husband, trying to get into his brain concerning his sexual struggles. with the end result of both of us being hurt and down about it, bc it was not a place i needed to be! i want to know those areas of my husband’s mind bc i am so insecure with myself, i am want to know what he finds beautiful so that i measure myself up to it…this is so sickening to me. could i possibly ever be firmly rooted in my identity as Christ’s daughter..

  27. 427
    Emily says:

    Emily
    Battle Creek, MI
    34 Married

    Never before considered the idea of omniscience before. How eye opening! I cannot believe how often I want to know more with out any cause for it…and always to my detriment. Gives a new light on gossip too. wow. God is opening up my eyes all over the place! I am overwhelmed right now at the number of “a-ha!”s I’m having. Lie after lie after lie is being revealed. Thank you Jesus that I’m also focused on the chains that are falling off, not dwelling on how long they’ve been there in the first place. Thank you, Beth for your walk with the Lord that brought you to write this book. While I’m grateful to God for the people in my life, I’ve never before been grateful to God for a person I haven’t met. Blessings to you. 😉

  28. 428
    Kim Davis says:

    I am reviewing through my notes, getting ready for next weekend, and I noticed I could not find my comments on this post. Here are my answers:

    1. My historical tenancy has been to view men and women as equals. Not men as devils or gods. Everyone is called for different purposes, and it does not matter whose a man and whose a woman.

    2.Women’s insecurities seem to be specific in how others portray her. Men seem to be a little more broad with “fear of failure” and withdrawal, more internal insecurities.

    3. I have the whole omniscience-omnipotence complex. When I feel like I cannot control what I do not know.

  29. 429
    Allison says:

    Eau Claire, WI
    30’s (late)
    married

    1. gods
    In the past I have enjoyed the feeling of “power” that I have had around men. I don’t want to be that woman anymore. As a result, I think I have swung the pendulum too far the other way. I have become so sensitive to all my actions around men that I am a nervous wreck around them now. I feel all insecure and ridiculous. I truly don’t want the wrong attention, but I can hardly handle any attention now. I get all flushed and nervous when they ask me a question. Then the flush stays and I am miserable.

  30. 430
    MollyDolly says:

    1. I suppose I consider them both for different reasonsons: Gods: because they seem to have relatively stable and grounded emotions and attitudes. Devils: because they can be lust-driven and blind to many morals, but still profit in work, relationships, etc.

    2. Men seem to hide their insecurities and not try to make them better. Women tend to recognize, define, and try to “fix” their issues, even if they have to scratch and claw their way to the solution (which is usually not a real solution at all, which leads to this cycle of finding the next “cure”…). The similarity: neither works

    3. OMNIPOTENCE: This was a divinely-revealed concept just when I needed it. My husband and I are young and newly married and are discovering where and what God wants us to be. I feel a genuine need to put him in the place where he can make the most money, get the most notoriety, and (what I consider) get there the quickest. I felt I not only COULD try to steer him in the “right direction”, but I SHOULD because we are talking about my well-being here, right?! If he makes a mistake, I go down with thim. I was determined not to let that happen, as if I don’t make mistakes……. Ha!

  31. 431
    Meggie says:

    1. I thank God that it’s neither. Although right after my divorce I battled a lot with seeing them as the devil. But I’ve got such a great father and 3 great brothers. They just proved that they – although not perfect and definitely no god – are pretty good.

    2. This was an eye opener for me.I never thought much about men’s insecurities, and I’ve only observed them in a very few men. And the few observations I made is that they are just as ugly as my female insecurities.

    3. Yes, absolutely! Being a single mom has been tough at times on my kids, since I just had to know, had to do, had to say etc… This chapter has helped to get some perspective on it. Thank you!!!

  32. 432
    WorthyofLove says:

    1.Ch 10 Men-gods or devils? Devils most men. My husband a god in the beginning, because he seemed so solid in his faith.

    2. Difference between men’s insecurities & women’s??? We Stew – They Do! I was so blown away and impressed that when they identify their insecurities they come up with a plan! (of course this makes sense…they are always coming up with plans for us! Ha!) ex: The man who said that all he wanted was faithful love – so he tried to love others well…WOW! (Not a female response) Of course this works in the negative as well. Their insecurities drive them to DO destructive things quicker – while we are still stewing. 🙂

    3. On pg. 208 in Ch 11. Omnipotence/Omniscence? Omnipotence – Major Control Freak

  33. 433
    sepik-meri katie says:

    katie, 20s, wewak PNG, single

    1. i’d say my historical tendency has been to view them as gods… maybe because there wasn’t a real one (emotionally) present in my life so they seemed these far-off trees of strength and power… 😕
    3. both did because of where i’ve been… neither to excessive extremes anymore, because the Lord has dealt with these in the past ~ mind you, i still exercise to keep my head on straight here, but because of His great mercy He has delivered me from these control & needing-to-know issues, or at least broken the stronghold of them! not to say i’m over this one or above it, but we (the Lord and me) have been here and taken some ground. never quite understood the why’s and roots of them though, so loved having the light come on. you seem to put into words what i’ve felt, but never could express!!

  34. 434
    HFridelle says:

    1) Historically, I guess my view would go back and forth between the two extremes. If everything was going fine in my relationship (and it’s normally with the boyfriend) then they were the god. Most of my focus would’ve been on them. When things got sour, they were the devil!!! I think it was because I put such lofty expectations on them that they would ultimately disappoint me and I would feel like they let me down.
    2) Men don’t show their insecurities as much as women. Or maybe they aren’t as transparent as women. Or maybe I just don’t think about men and securities much, so I don’t see them as they are. Interesting….
    3) Yikes! I have done both! I think I am getting better with them and have had some tests lately with the omniscience, one pass, one fail. I was helping my bf clean his house and saw an envelope from his ex. Not sure how long it’s been there, but I could’ve read it and didn’t! It was all God and I know it saved me from a lot of inner turmoil!! The other “test” wasn’t as good. I saw my ex on facebook and his new girlfriend. It stung really bad, but God worked it for good because I learned that we didn’t work for a reason. It would’ve been nice not to go through that but I learned something from it!

  35. 435
    Deirdre says:

    doing catch up on the eve of the simulcast!

    1. I’ve tended to view men as gods. but very fragile, easily toppled ones.

    2. Men tend to question WHO they ARE. Women tend to questions what we are WORTH.

    3. Bot. I love power and I’m addicted to control. I never knew how much till I read this book. *sigh* Alright LORD, let’s start work on this area too.

    Deirdre Russell
    http://www.screamofcontinuousness.wordpress.com

  36. 436
    momofkings says:

    1. I think they are a mixture in my mind. I was sexually abused early in my childhood by the babysitter’s son, and based on other experiences in my high school years, I know there are devils out there and that frightens me. After I married, I was afraid to be alone with men I didn’t know, even those I did know.

    My dad never seemed to pay too much attention to me, therefore I wanted the attention of as many boys as possible in high school. My identity was based on whether I was loved by a man or not. That made them gods in my eyes. Even above, one of the reasons I was afraid to be alone with men besides my husband was because I was afraid I’d throw myself at them to prove that I am still lovable.

    I am grateful to God that since my marriage to a wonderful man that God has used to heal me, I have mostly known only amazing men who desire to be good husbands and have only been treated with respect. I think there are more good men out there than bad.

    2. Your survey is right. My husband withdraws when he is struggling. It used to throw me into a tizzy trying to make him feel better, but now I know just to let him alone with God and pray for him.

    3. Ouch! You read my mail! LOL! I still have some insecurity in my marriage (even though he’s really not given me much to worry about) and sometimes I’ve checked up on him. It’s sick.

    Now it’s not as much in marriage as it is with my children. Especially my teen daughter who is rebelling against the faith. Holy cow! I wish I could be a fly on the wall all the time. I have to rest in God that He will make sure I know what I need to know (that doesn’t mean I don’t check up on texts, e-mails, chats, etc.) and not drive a further wedge in our relationship.

  37. 437
    Jeanne Haverstick says:

    Oh my goodness, when I was asked to lead a book study, I was so excited…knowing how secure I was. Whoa…as I prepared each week and devoured the chapters, God was “untangling my feet”!. So much unrecognized insecurity in my life. Beth, I have been set free! I now understand the cause and the depth of my own insecurity. Isn’t it amazing that God loves me so much, He would place me as a leader, knowing I would not have signed up for the class…cause I wasn’t insecure? Praise God and bless you, Beth, for your God given wisdom!

  38. 438
    rhonda says:

    1. I am to the point where no it is flesh and blood. Before, it depended on how he was affecting my life.
    2. Prime example happened the other day. My husband called me because 2 things had happened. 1. A man popped off at him and then came back later to apologize, which is highly uncharacteristic for this gentleman. 2. A higher-up commented on my husband knowledge of their field and was asking for his advice. One word for both situations – RESPECT. Where as I would have been driven by the emotional aspect of it all, he was simply grateful for the respect.
    3. Omnipotent – no doubt about it. Described me to a tee. I don’t like things out of my control. About 4 years ago the Lord decided He had enough of that and has been changing my mind, showing me areas where I still thought I needed to be in control.

  39. 439

    Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really know what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Please also visit my web site =). We could have a link exchange arrangement between us!

  40. 440
  41. 441

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So Long Insecurity Week Six!

Hey Everybody! I am so proud of you guys! Your discussions have been tremendous. I am especially happy that so many of you have jumped in with us late and gone back to the very beginning, signed in, and added your answers to the previous weeks of our book discussion. Way to go! As we moderate, we give the same attention to the comments on the older posts as the ones that are up-to-date. I promise you that community and active discussion will make your journey far more meaningful and hold you infinitely more accountable.

Ok, we’re about to get to a part of the book that I found highly interesting in research. The next several chapters involve the insights from the men’s survey and I bet a few of their comments will pop your eyes open, too. In the mix of what we have ahead, we’re going to be focusing on men-related insecurities then soon after that (in coming chapters) we’ll focus specifically on women-related insecurities. Each of us has a tendency to be less secure around one gender than the other and, according to the survey of over 900 of you, we’re almost evenly divided between the two. I pray we’re going to gain insight into some gender-related insecurities and stumble upon some much needed freedom. I really want you to read the portions about the men even if you don’t have a mate or a specific man in your life. If we have resistant, resentful hearts toward men, we can’t just avoid them altogether. They comprise the other half of our population so it really is imperative in our pursuit of wholeness that we get a grip.

Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

We are liable to have some LIVELY conversation this week! I can’t wait to see it happen! Just one little thing I want to throw out there: some of you may have some pretty big hang-ups with men because you have a background of abuse like I do. If it plays heavily into one of your answers, by all means, share what pertains but I’ve learned along the way that it’s best to stop short of graphic descriptions. Most people have a hard time knowing what to do with those kinds of mental images. I’ve told every graphic detail in counseling situations but, publically, I try to stay general. It’s just too much for most listeners and readers. They have compassion but they just don’t have the answers. We know Who does.

Go for it, Girls! I’m so honored to take this journey with you.

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Comments:

  1. 442
    Washington Baby says:

    I am a little behind, but still plugging ahead. This book has opened my mind to sooooo many things. I think just knowing I am not alone makes me less insecure.

    1. Growing up I adored my dad so much that I think I viewed men as gods. As I got my heart broken a few times they became devils that I didn't need. Now, I think I am somewhere in the middle. I can say that I allow myself to gain (and lose) way too much of my self worth from my husbands opinions and moods.

    2. Women are more insecure about relationships and appearance. Men are more insecure as not being viewed as men (who would've thought that would be questioned?!). Their fear of failure is much greater than women's. They have an ingrained sense of responsibility to be providers and protectors.

    3. I so have a desire for omnipotence. I could really relate to Beth's wanting to control her husband for his own good. My man and I have been married 4 years and I love him dearly. I am trying to let go and accept his idiocycracies (sp?), but if he would just do the things I ask the way I ask him :)Any logical person knows that my way makes the most sense (LOL! I need more delivering than I had originally thought).

    God Bless You,
    Sara
    married
    30s
    Denver, CO

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