Hey Everybody! I am so proud of you guys! Your discussions have been tremendous. I am especially happy that so many of you have jumped in with us late and gone back to the very beginning, signed in, and added your answers to the previous weeks of our book discussion. Way to go! As we moderate, we give the same attention to the comments on the older posts as the ones that are up-to-date. I promise you that community and active discussion will make your journey far more meaningful and hold you infinitely more accountable.
Ok, we’re about to get to a part of the book that I found highly interesting in research. The next several chapters involve the insights from the men’s survey and I bet a few of their comments will pop your eyes open, too. In the mix of what we have ahead, we’re going to be focusing on men-related insecurities then soon after that (in coming chapters) we’ll focus specifically on women-related insecurities. Each of us has a tendency to be less secure around one gender than the other and, according to the survey of over 900 of you, we’re almost evenly divided between the two. I pray we’re going to gain insight into some gender-related insecurities and stumble upon some much needed freedom. I really want you to read the portions about the men even if you don’t have a mate or a specific man in your life. If we have resistant, resentful hearts toward men, we can’t just avoid them altogether. They comprise the other half of our population so it really is imperative in our pursuit of wholeness that we get a grip.
Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?
2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?
3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?
We are liable to have some LIVELY conversation this week! I can’t wait to see it happen! Just one little thing I want to throw out there: some of you may have some pretty big hang-ups with men because you have a background of abuse like I do. If it plays heavily into one of your answers, by all means, share what pertains but I’ve learned along the way that it’s best to stop short of graphic descriptions. Most people have a hard time knowing what to do with those kinds of mental images. I’ve told every graphic detail in counseling situations but, publically, I try to stay general. It’s just too much for most listeners and readers. They have compassion but they just don’t have the answers. We know Who does.
Go for it, Girls! I’m so honored to take this journey with you.
Eleanor 
I am so looking forward to getting into these two chapters. I hate to admit, but I am still waiting to finish my special time for chapter 9. I am going to do that first and then all to this week's assignment.
Thanks for your impact on my life and so many others to "Break Free" and become liberated in Christ!
Blessings to you!
Eleanor
married
50's
Hey Beth,
I will post my answers after I read the chapters, but I had a thought.(I know, could be scary!)I LOVED the post about verses that had security in them! God popped a thought into my head today,(believe me, I couldn't have come up with this on my own.) and I was wondering if we could do the same thing with songs that deal with this subject as well? Like Brit Nicole has a song called "Walk on the Water". I also like her "Free to be Me". Casting Crowns has "Voice of Truth"…These songs really lift my spirit, and I thought they might lift others up as well. Just a thought,if you didn't want to do it that is fine too.
On a different note,we have a lot of inspirational plaques hanging where I work They are made by a local woman. One of my absolute favorites is a twist on a very old song, "Jesus Loves Me". The plaque reads," Jesus knows me, this I love." I think that has been around a while,too, but I just love it.
Have a wonderful rest of the week! Love you!
Joan
Portage,MI
40's
Married
Amy
Washington, D.C.
Single (sigh)
20s
Beth, I first wanted to say how much I am loving this study. I am slowly but surely gaining victory over my insecurities. I've encouraged my mother (to whom I have looked up to since I was little – she's a pastor's wife and full of the Word…my best friend) to start this study and two days ago she called and said she just bought it. 🙂 I told her I would send her the assignments each week like you have done with us and she is so excited! I told her she could just post her answers in the comment section. I'm glad you said that you and the other ladies still go through them. It means so much to me.
My mother has been to your tapings and I hope one day I can too!
Oh, I'm sooo behind. But I'm coming! I'm coming! I won't be left behind…. I'm determined to catch up! Oh, Mr. Time, please work with me.
Hey…. God pushed by the time for….. Okay, Okay, I won't ask Him for that! 🙂
Sharon
married
montgomery, al
40s
Marlo
32, married
Indiana
Loved these chapters!
Men have been gods to me. A few devils, but mostly gods.
I'd never considered how their insecurities validate them (or not) as men. I still feel like a woman no matter how insecure I am. And that whole cling/withdraw thing — so true!
I laughed out loud at "I needed to take control of the situation and try to shove Keith to his happy place." Me! Me! (Substitute the name, but otherwise that's me.) Trying not to nag but to "encourage" him. pfftt!
For some weird reason, I've tied my security to my hubby's moods and spiritual temperature.
I need to work on that.
Jumping in ahead. I have a very bad attitude toward men. DEVILS!
ALMOST ALL OF THEM!
1. I tend to see my man as a god. I allow his moods to determine mine and look to him for strength. I've also tended to see most men as gods…because girl relationships as a child/teenager/young adult WORE ME OUT!! Having boys/men as friends was just easier. This didn't work out so well after I was married though, had to go back to women friends.
2. It seems that men mostly having the insecurity of fear of failure is somewhat the root for most women, we just call it something different because we're detail oriented!
3. Yes, the omnipotent, omniscient thing resonated with me…UGH!!! If I could just get him to feel the way I want him to feel, you know, be his conscience for him. I'm learning this one painfully and slowly. But, by HIS grace, I'm getting it!!
I'm learning so much, Beth. Thank you for your research, your truthfulness, your wisdom, and your willingness to let God use you.
And, by the way, I have a few girlfriends that could use this book, but they're so complicated that they'd be mad if I suggested it. Should I just stick a copy in their mailbox, anonymously? That's what I'm thinking!! HAHAHA
Julie
Virginia
30's
Married
Beth, in response to your abuse or abused women like you, I wish your mother was alive so she could share a chapter in this book or another book from being the mother of a child who has been abused. Give some insight on how to help the adult child or for that matter any insight on the situation. A child hurts and the mother hurts too.
1)Historicly speaking, I would say my tendancy has been to make men gods not devils.
2)Men seem to disguise their insecurity by displaying pride where as women's insecurity bring about fear and timidity.
3)Both!
A. Omnipotence. I have many times in the early years of our marriage did the very same thing you did with Keith. If I could just get my husband to understand that serving God the way He wanted us to, we would be soooo much happier. It wasn't until our marriage nearly blew apart at the ten year mark that God finally showed me that I was driving him away. I had to learn to love my man UNCONDITIONALLY and STOP placing conditions on him that I thought should be evident in his life. Church, vocabulary, music, entertainment…yes all those things I wanted to change as well. When I truly allowed God to be my source of comfort and wisdom, day by day in how to do this, then God brought my husband to the place that He and He alone could make the change in his heart. Happy ending….He did! Perfect, no…but neither am I. Better Yes! Both of us. Beth you are so right! We can't change them as hard as we try! God alone is the Omnipotent Potter.
B. Omniscience: Seeking to know too much is surely a tool of the devil when it comes to our mans minds. Been there, done that. Jesus can indeed rebuild lives blown skyhigh by our own hands. I am proof!
PS. Conversation in car yesterday by two dear friends that won your book by memorizing theme verse Rev.17:14 said… "I am thoroughly convinced Beth wrote this book with me in mind." The other said, "I thought the very same thing." Thank you for hearing the wisdom of God and sharing what we all need to know in order to gain our dignity back.
Sandy
50's
Married
1) gods, this was modeled to me growing up, to "bow under the wieght of anger and unforgiveness," and to devote our energies on keeping the peace with men based more on fear than anything else. Because these gods were not real, disappointment, lonliness, stuffed emotions resulted and eventually brought on pit dwelling when in their presence.
2)my own observances with men- men use their children more to quench their insecurity(ex- go to extreme measures for little Johnny to be a great athlete, extreme pressure for child to perform well) Women quench their own physical insecurities by going to extreme measures to dress their children so extravegantly, enter in beauty contests, membership is certain organizations just to "feel important."
3)the second devine attribut of omniscience resonated with me deeply. My insecurity often finds me seeking to know things that "aren't necessary" for me to know or completely astonish me, perhaps devastate me when I do find. Ex- some letters left in my parents' house after both had passed away last year. My Mom had written some cruel things written to me and did not even send them, kept them, when I read them I was so hurt. Still not sure if I was seeking what I shouldn't have been(from insecurity) or God intended for me to see them at that particular time. I had healed enough already from the past that I honestly knew Satan's schemes and was able to offer her much grace in a short amount of time.
Rose
single
30's
1. I've tended to view men more as gods, though a touch of empathy (surely God's grace) often helps me see through the chinks in their armor to their own neediness.
2. You're right on about men "creating space" when they are insecure, either through withdrawal or abrasive behavior. I know that I usually do the opposite, and like most women I can turn as clingy as Saran wrap. (shudder)
3. I'd never thought about it like this, but when you described your young friend eating from the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" I immediately connected–been there, done that. As a woman with a strong desire to KNOW, I need the Spirit's strong conviction when I'm getting too close to dangerous ground–Go no further!
Hi Beth and dear ladies,
I know I can come here in the comfort of all your prayers. So it is with this that I ask, are some of you still feeling sick in the pit of your stomach? As an abused child, all men leave me with a feeling of being nothing. My husband is a dear man but I find I feel so guilty if I can't do daily things with him. He is so kind about it but there are many days I just cannot get dressed, get out of bed or act like life is worth it. 'Cause there are days when its NOT.
Another thing that irks me today, is that the church in our city is doing the CCN for this study with Beth, but they are offering tickets FIRST to their own congregation before presenting tickets to the city. This is a big church. It seats 800, and with the 3 services this church offers if everyone brought 2 people to see this study where does that leave the rest of us. Now I know that sounds terribly pitiful; my insecurities again.
Is there anyone who is still feeling attacked by the enemy through this study? I have both the book and CD and my batteries died right in the middle of titanic. You will understand when you get to what Beth is saying. Everyday is a bad struggle. Is there help for me or am I just as lost as when I started???Rebecca
39
Married
Ile Bizard, Quebec, Canada
1. Gods or devils…probably a little of both. I allowed them too much power over me. Boys, men, I was who they wanted me to be. I was happy if they were happy. I felt responsible if they weren't. I always wondered what I did wrong. And when they disappointed me, and they always did, they became devils. But in reality, they were neither gods nor devils. They were simply guys who I looked to for everything they couldn't give me. And it hurt. It still hurts.
2. First of all, I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities that I never considered that men have them too. After all, they are the ones who caused most of mine, so what did they have to feel insecure about?
Differences? Based on my life, at this moment, my man's insecurities are mostly about me and the kids. Is he providing enough for US? Is he letting US down? Is he giving US what he thinks we need. Is he being a good father. Is he being a good husband. He wants all those things for US. My insecurities are all about me. Am I pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, nice enough…for him to want to stay with me. I don't know, I feel like my insecurities are more selfish than his. Does that make sense?
3. Beth, you are bang on about the need for control being directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten our security or strengthen it. Although I don't tend to control my man, sometimes I manipulate the situation to meet my need. But I definitely try to control my children for fear that they will do the things I did that ended me up where I am right now – reading a book about insecurity =)
I'd like to make a comment about another part of chap. 11 where you wrote, there is knowing and there is knowing too much. My husband had an affair about 5 years ago. Since then I have come to understand why it happened and I have forgiven him. Like I've said before, he is a different man today thanks to God. I felt the Spirit telling me that I needed to forgive the other woman too. I know that thought didn't come from me! But a couple of days later, I found her on facebook and sent her a simple message "I forgive you". She answered back "I'm sorry". But then I was wanting to know why, and what, and how. I know without a doubt that those thoughts were from my flesh, not God. I was doubly sure when I read the part about knowing too much and what could come out of it. After much thought, I knew I didn't want to go there because it didn't matter anymore. I'm not the same person and neither is my husband. The 2 individuals that existed 5 years ago don't exist anymore. Some questions are really best unanswered. That part of chapter 11 has saved me from opening a can of worms I'm not strong enough to handle. Thank you!
Dear Ms. Beth,
Thought I'd be honest about how your book has opened a can of worms in me
http://elizabethfstewart.blogspot.com/2010/03/me-insecure-not-me-i-think.html
I love you!
It's amazing how much I am learning by doing the Believing God study and reading this book at the same time! God is showing me that that most of my insecurity stems from my thinking patterns, and in order to change my insecurity, I have to speak truth, not just think it! In Believing God I'm on the part about renouncing out loud and speaking Scripture. I have made index cards with all the verses that you all posted that resonated with me! Doing this really helps change my thinking habits. Also, from the Believing God study – blessing my husband outloud starts to resonate within me to help me focus on the positive and not the negative! I guess you could say that has blessed ME and I thought I was just trying to bless him! I hope it helps him as much as it's helped me. 🙂
The mind is a powerful thing! I CAN'T WAIT for the day when I can say the majority of my thoughts are positive and not negative or lies – "You failed again. You can't be secure." Instead, I say out loud, "I will fall, but I will rise again." – That was one of the verses but I can't remember which one.
I don't know why but I have always had trouble praying out loud by myself – like we did in Ch. 9 I think it was. It was a good time with God but it frustrates me that I have trouble with that and I really can't pinpoint why! I even told Him so! But I also told Him I know the lies I am thinking about my insecurity will only change if I speak renouncing words out loud because the enemy, thank goodness, can't read my mind! And I have to say it to start believing it because that is the only way it will sink in, to start believing God! I am who GOD says I am, not who I try to tell myself I am. You are who GOD says you are!
Well, I had to really think about the last two chapter assignments.
it's never as simple as A or B with me, I don't know why and wish that it was, but here goes.
1, Devils. I know a lot of good men, my dad is one of them and I grew up pretty sheltered, but evil lurks even in the sunshine and I was given reasons early on to fear men. God has healed the pain, but some of the fear still remains. Even now that I am married to a wonderful man, and have many Godly male friends whom I admire, my first reaction to a man is usually one of suspicion and wariness. I know that most of them are probably fine men who deserve respect and understanding there is a part of me that never quite trusts them.
2,I've read a lot of books this year and had some great talks with my husband about men's insecurities and have had my eyes opened wide to the demons they face. I have noticed though that while men may have similar issues, they rarely show them the same way, and are often much harder to convince that they are indeed worthy and loved. I also realize that the majority of their insecurities cannot be addressed or 'fixed' by me or any other woman. They need male affirmation, but will rarely ask for it. It's painful to watch and not be able to help!
3,BOTH! lol.
As a teen and young adult perhaps more the first, but in the last few years it's been mainly the latter. I'm happily married to a Godly and loving man, but there are times I am tempted to 'snoop' just to put my mind at ease. Usually I catch myself and don't go there, but sometimes I give in when the opportunity is just too perfect, but I always feel bad afterwards, like I've invaded his privacy in a way that I would never want my own invaded. I'm learning to keep conversation open and honest, and trust the rest to God. Sigh, I don't have kids yet, so who knows what monstrous struggles I'll have with both issues once they're teens 🙂 I guess it's all in God's hands.
Rebekah
nearly 30
Yuma, AZ
married
1. I have tended to see them as both gods and devils depending on who they are. At times as devils, not believing the best about them being suspicious towards them based on past hurts, and other times as gods thinking they could do no wrong and certainly not seeing them as human as we are. I think it's because the fear of being hurt prevented me from seeing them as human as me because then I had to brace myself for the hurt and disappointment that was sure to follow. Not wanting to face the reality of that probably helped me to continue to go back and forth between seeing them as a devil one moment and a god the next. Thanks for the insight into their world.
2. One of the differences I see is perhaps in the way they act it out. They can tend to be more internal about it and not so easily share with a close friend.
Jariza
33
Alburtis, Pa
married
Susie, Marietta, 60 (almost), married.
I have two girls that are grown and married, and we are going to be doing the book together in a few weeks. So, I'm cutting and pasting the discussion questions each week for us to use. As I read each weeks questions and posts I'm getting more excited about doing the book with my 2 girls!
Ok, I forgot one slight thing I wanted to add.
I have realized in the last few months that my moods definitely hinge on my hubbies. I hate how it affects me! If he's grouchy my good mood goes down the drain. I often wonder if I've done something, or else am trying to figure out how to best improve his mood or stay out of his hair. It doesn't make me terribly insecure, but it does mess with my emotions. Not sure if that makes him a god, but it is something I know I need to work on and trust God with. Sigh, so much to learn…
Rebekah
sos asked for help for the parents of a child who has been abused, even if the child is an adult now. I, too, would value your insights – what your parents should have done, perhaps, or what they did do that was helpful. The mom hurts, too, but differently.
I thought this quote might speak to some others also while I am catching up on my work.Thankfully my book came this week.!!
Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell God your troubles, that God may comfort you; tell God your joys, that God may sober them; tell God your longings, that God may purify them; tell God your dislikes, that God may help you conquer them; talk to God of your temptations, that God may shield you from them: show God the wounds of your heart, that God may heal them. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. Talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration say just what you think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God. –Francois Fenelon
Christine
30
married 🙂
1. Men, hmmmm… not sure if I've seen them as either, but maybe I'm taking it a bit too literally. If anything I would say gods. I was never pursued or accepted romantically by guys until I found my husband. No dating, no nothing. Praise God for his grace, but it left me feeling rejected constantly. I was obsessed with finding a guy. Does that mean I saw them as gods in a way? maybe so.
2. It seems like for men, generally speaking, their insecurities are more performance related in one way or another. For women it tends to be more about WHO we are as a woman.
3. Girl, this definitely resonated with me. First omnipotence. Here's where it got me: "I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward what we're genuinely convinced is a better life." I do this. "If my loved one would [take my suggestions], then I'd be [the hero, their hero]. I want to be the all-wise-one, so when I think I have the answer, I get this tense feeling in communicating it, trying desperately to convince them, if I feel like I'm losing ground I get internally frustrated and try harder. In the end when they don't take my advice, you're right, the insecurity that drove me to it in the first place only deepens. This pretty little cycle is actually liberating to discover, though it isn't pretty at all. 🙂
And omniscience. Oh how I've fallen hard with this one, in so many relationships. The most lamentable is definitely in regards to my husband's past. While dating and early marriage I insisted on knowing details. Auspiciously and not my husband did drugs in high school and his memory just isn't what it used to be. 🙂 He was also wise to my game and knew the danger. He gave me some details and those haunt me to this day. Mega.
Also, with a certain female who I'm severely insecure around I have an insatiable requisite for info about her life. She's private and full of heartache, disappointment, and trials (and yes, some serious blessings too), but hearing about the crappy stuff in her life always makes me feel better. For like 2 seconds.
Arrrg.
Dear Anonymous @12:08(Rebecca),
I am not equipped to give you any kind of "advice", but my heart hurt for you when I read your comment. I can tell you that when I did chapter 9 on Monday, the devil launched an attack on me! I keep doing what I need to be doing even if the feelings aren't there, and that keeps me grounded in God, who is with us every step of the way. Like Beth said once,"Sometimes we feel the right thing and sometimes we fake the right thing." Feelings can be very deceitful. Trust what God's Word says, it is the only thing you can know for sure is telling you the truth.I'm sorry you struggle with the things you do. I will be praying for you, sweet Siesta, as I'm sure my fellow Siestas are as well! God bless you!
Joan
Here's hoping my SECOND comment will be as good as my first … something when wrong in blogville and while editing my comment, it went away. SO here goes again.
1. I don't want to say gods and I don't want to say devils. I'd like to say I have been well balanced all my life; but you said we had to be honest. It was demonstrated for me for most of my life that men were the superior gender and a woman was not much without one. I adopted that for much of my life and men were gods to be admired, pursued and obeyed. And then for a season most of them were devils to me — didn't trust 'em and didn't need 'em. I am grateful to say ABBA fixed that. On the day my Man and I married I told him he was the best since Jesus to me and I meant it. I still do. However, there are times I say that now by faith and not so much feeling! BIG SMILE!
2. I now think men are just as insecure as women and even in the same ways — they just act it out differently. Now when I encounter a man who's cocky and so sure of everything, I'm not so offended. I realize he may be that way because something inside is so very painful and he just does not want to look at it.
3. omniscience. That was a problem for me. I don't think (oops insecurities showing) it is any more since I 'just had to know' and I dug till I found it. I don't do that anymore. I guess you could say curiosity killed the Kat. Now omnipotence that's another story. After all if I control the lives around me then it won't be as likely that stuff is out there for me to know. How'd that work out for me? It didn't. And now finally, I am learning and believing ABBA knows and He's in control and that's better than okay with me.
Thanks, Beth. Love you like crazy! Holy Hugs,
Kathie in Satsuma, Alabama at the sage age of 58. BIG SMILE!!
I just wanted to say thank you, this last week I have been in a lot of uncomfortable situations and EVERY time I'm feeling "less than" I just say to myself "I am clothed in strength and dignity" and I hold my head high and smile because I know I am loved! I know I'm going to take a lot more than just that from this book and your studies but even if that was all I got from this it has changed my life and for that I wanted to say thank you!!
Janice
44
Single
Tumwater, WA
I've not had time to post much, but had to tell ya'll. This study, from day one has changed me. I believe I'm seeing a miracle occur. I'm doing and working like I've never done before because there is this awesome security in me. God is great…always. I'm one that was insecure about nearly everything and now, it's not there. Praise God!!!!!
Meredith
Salisbury, NC
59
happily married for 40 yrs.
kerri
kansas city
married
28
1. men have totally been gods to me. i don't think i ever realized that. i actually hate admitting that. 🙂 they held the power to give me esteeem in my mind, at least before i was married and dating. now i try to force that power on my poor husband. that's divine power that only Jesus has. i've got to stop believing my husband has that kind of power.
2. men have insecurities too. sometimes they look similar to ours, sometimes they take a different shape. men seem to have the ability to compartmentalize their insecurities, you know… place it somewhere in their mind and forget about it for a while. (can't be too healthy either!) where women seem to be bombarded by it continually. at least we are forced to deal with!
3. the "al1l knowing" God-quality is so true for me! i've always joked around saying confidently that i'm "nosey". but ouch, that is dead on. i've found myself spying on my husband's former girlfriends facebook profile more times than i would ever like to admit! i used to laugh at it and giggle with my friends, but the roots of that "innocent habbit" go way deeper than i ever knew. now i see it as deep rooted insecurity and i'm convicted. i'm not feeling shame. i just realize that there is a part of my heart that is sick. a part that needs the redemptive power of the Holy Spirit. i already feel some freedom. and i think i want more. 🙂
the Father is doing little miracles all over my heart. i'm feeling "clothed with strength and honor" during times i usually would have felt exposed and ashamed.:)
Hi Siesta Mama:):)
I honestly don't know how I view them..I guess moreso as gods then devils. I think I distrusted men growing up because of the sexual abuse I suffered. I wanted the healthy affection only a father can give, but I wasn't getting that from my dad or my step-dad. I resented that deeply. I looked at the men I wanted to date as gods in a way-like I was looking for my Prince Charming or something, so when a guy I liked showed affection, I was prone to compromise my purity…I can't think of many differences betwn men and women's insecurities;the men I've been around gen seem to react to their insecurities with anger or frustration instead of the anxiety/worry that I feel when insecure…Omniscience moreso than omnipotence resonated with me, I did want men to find me desirable, but I didn't want to steal anyone's man-praise the Lord! I did want to read their minds though. Like you, I also wanted my man to become more absorbed in all things spiritual. Very true that we can't change people, only God can. I have found that when my husband disappoints me, prayer is the most effective means to change his mind and his heart. Seriously, it always works. I tell God my disappointment or grievance, and ask Him to change my mind where needed and to change his…and He always does! It amazes me. Simple, but I'm telling you, it works. God answers prayer!:)
Blessings, Love in HIM, ((HUGS))
katiegfromtennessee
katie
Knoxville, TN
20's
married
Rebecca @ 12:08 pm – God is SO great and SO good. He hears prayer. I am going to put you on my prayer list and pray you into that simulcast! Believe siesta!
When I don't feel like getting out of bed, I do and I go outside. There is nothing like looking up into a beautiful blue or gray cloudy sky and just knowing HE DID THAT!! And usually He sends a bird or a squirrel into view and I know He cares.
I loved reading all the Scriptures about power, strength and victory. I learned that "strength comes through struggle." Made me think of a butterfly coming out of the pupa stage — struggling.
Interesting chapters on men's insecurities. I'm finally learning that men just don't get it. If we expect them to know how we feel, we have to spell it out for the.
Elaine
Missouri
married
60's
I'm a little behind on the reading, but I just wanted to encourage each and every woman posting in these discussions that you have no idea what kind of impact God is making through you! Yes, our Siesta Mama is anointed (Thank you Beth for being so faithful!), no doubt about that, but so are all of you! You have no idea the effect one post can have on someone! I was almost moved to tears by the Scripture post from awhile back. It was a glimpse of God's omnipotence residing in our clay vessels. PLEASE keep it up ladies, and see what God will do with you!
Stephanie
Abilene, TX
19
single
Hello Siesta's
Finally jumped in here at Ch. 10 & 11. I've been very consumed with other study, but my heart is still here. I read the book when it first came out and then was going to go back and read it slower with participation in mind but….
Anyway, jumping in. Really had to think about the gods/devils question and in all honesty, my tendency was definitely to view men as gods. It was my desire to have someone wise (probably in total truth all-knowing), able to lead, comfort, counsel and be more than I should have ever expected. Then because of my disappointing revelation of real life, for a short while they became devils to me. Sad. It's hard to be honest with myself about that, but I'm thankful for the confrontation.
Thanks for the eye-opening info. on men and their insecurities. And, yes I fully get the difference on how a man's insecurity manifests itself as opposed to how women act out their insecurities. Helps explain quite a bit. Now I need to ask the Lord for compassion in dealing with my reactions to these withdrawals, anger, "pride-punches".It's been a tough decade and my compassion has decreased to say the least.
A resounding omnipotence. ooooo I hate that in me. Surely if I just pointed out to him all his areas of improvement it would turn a light bulb on in his head and he would want to fix it, he would see it just as I did and out of conceding to a wife with great wisdom 🙁 ashamed!!! YUCK He would CHANGE.
Well I am convicted and ashamed and more determined now to turn over to the Lord what is His job with my husband. He's so much better at it than me. We and our men are more alike than we let ourselves believe. And I am freed and happy to be free admitting that.
When I'm free and happy I love much better. Thanks to the indwelling Holy Spirit who convicts, gives wisdom and strength.
I've not yet started the book; have every intention of doing so. I am excited about attending the simulcast coming up at our wonderful church, Nappanee Missionary, in Nappanee, Indiana.
Instead, this is just a huge "THANK YOU" for your book, Believing God. I'm going back through that (yes, again), and this morning at Starbucks, the chapter on "Believing God When Routine Follows Revelation" just picked me up out of the dumps. You talked directly to this fledgling columnist who has big hopes and dreams and feels God's call on her life, but it's been week after grueling week of same-old, same-old, waiting for God to show up and reveal the next part of His exciting plan. He's boxing me in tighter and tighter by allowing my "day job" to get increasingly difficult. It would be easy some days to ditch the writing because that extra deadline means extra pressure, but He's not let me do that yet. I would love for Him to do something terribly dramatic and fantastic, delivering me out of my current trials and putting me in my Promised Land by – oh, say, tomorrow morning would be nice. (Laughing)
So that's exactly what I needed to hear. "Do it again. One more time. One more report. One more column." Meanwhile, I'll keep working, I'll keep writing, and I'll keep waiting for God to bring down the walls.
Thank you, sister.
Sister Lynn
Clyde MO
1. Devils… for a long time I was really into "women's lib" and men were the enemy. THANKS be to GOD that I found true liberty in Christ and my relationship with men is SO much better.
2. I think most men fear failure in things they DO. I don't sense they are as insecure about who they are as women are.
3. I am definitely hung up on the omniscience thing and it has gotten me in trouble. I so often want to be IN THE KNOW…. and then when I am I don't know how to handle in the information and it gets so messy. UGH.
But there is hope in Christ!
1. Historically, I've always seen men as gods. I don't put them on pedestals, but I do think good men deserve to be respected. I know my man is a very hard working man of God that would do anything for anyone and he treats me very well. I do realize that there are devils in this world, I guess I tend to avoid them.
2. After reading SLI, I'm recognizing that men definitely have insecurities, but they're able to hide them better than women. I've never been able to hide anything-including my feelings! That's not always a good thing, believe me.
3. I'm still working on this one. Trying to sort out feelings that I don't quite understand….
Bobbie
50's
married
College Station
Delmajesty
Texas
30's
Going through 2nd Divorce 🙁
I'll refrain from comments at this time as I am struggling.
Have not read a word of Chapters 10 and 11 yet, but I laughed out loud about the two divine attributes, especially omnipotence. For at LEAST 10 years my motto came from Helen Reddy: "If I have to, I can do anything!" Sometimes it was the only way I could put one foot in front of the other. Care to guess how much I thought God paid attention to me during those years? Whew, I'm glad that's over!
Theresa
50-something
Married
Alabama
1. I would have to say my tendency has been to view men as gods rather than devils. Both of my grandfathers were sweet, hard-working men and I didn't learn until later in life that one was an alcoholic and the other one liked women more than he should have. (That would be the devil in both of them.) My daddy, who is almost 80, always provided for his family. He was not the disciplinarian of the two parents but he loved us and took care of us. My husband, who is my high school sweetheart, is perhaps the most wonderful man in the whole world. He's Godly, he respects me and thinks I'm the most wonderful thing in the world, and he has been an outstanding father to our two children. My son took notice of this as he, too, is Godly and a good husband and father. I am so very thankful to have these men in my life.
2. Men, in my opinion, seem to be more insecure about being able to provide and take care of that in which others depend on them for. They seem to be very concerned about their responisibilities to others. Women, on the other hand, seem to have more insecurities about their inner selves.
Robin
married
40's
Texas
1. gods…definitely…I've always had the tendency to put the men in my life on pedestals…from my great grandfather, to my grandfather, to my dad, my big brother and now my hubby and son, I've just always had really great guys in my life (and for those blips on the radar screen that weren't so great, I had a hard time realizing they weren't so great at the time!)
2. Men's insecurities have to do more with how they provide for those they love and women's insecurities have to do more with how they connect with those they love.
3. omniscience…I like to think I'm in the loop and when I'm not, I want to be…like this blog thing…it's opened up a whole new world to me and now I want to learn about every single person on every single blog. It's fun, real and sincere, but I have to laugh at myself for being so interested in it all! I'm going to be a real nut in Heaven, running here, there, and everywhere wanting to meet and greet and get to know everyone!
1 & 2. Men (like children) can be cherubic one moment and diabolical the next–depending on their motivation at the time!
Tim LaHaye's book "Spirit Controlled Temperment" really helped me understand the way in which the different personality types express insecurity—from a male perspective. While a woman may be fussing over her attire, a guy would more likely be fuming over the fact that somebody just cut him off in traffic.
3. On the omni/omni question: since "knowledge is power," there is a tendency to think that more of it is better. Had to learn the hard way that not all knowledge is empowering, and the best prayer I can formulate in this regard is, "Lord, help me to see what I need to, know what YOU need for me to know, and trust the unknown to your sovereign love."
Bertie
50's
Married
Houston
My dear siesta sisters and beloved siesta mama:
I am relatively new to this blogging thing but I soooooo want to be doing this study with you. I am discovering that my insecurities are at the root of my lifelong struggle with perfectionism.
The dilemma: I am neck deep in Esther which has caused an uproar in my soul (lesson 5 nearly took me out). I am also in an intense Sunday school study on recovering a biblical world view based on John MacCarthur's book..extremely intense.
Now I love nothing more than to get my nerd on…especially in His Word. But I am concerned I might be trying to do too much.
Are any of you doing more than one study at once? Would you recommend I wait until one or both of them are done?
Thanks for listening dear siestas. Your guidance is appreciated.
Blessings
Casey
Fort Pierce, FL
1. Devils – From an absentee dad to some disappointments with the church, I've not always held men in high esteem. If you asked me this question without the context of this book, I would have said "neither," but now I realize when I meet a guy, I presume he's going to fail me before we've even exchanged words. Heal me, Lord! We've truly been broken in some deep down places.
2. At this point in my life, I've not been responsible to provide for anyone but myself, so I can't even comprehend how a man must feel in the struggle for validation in his identity. Props to men who are able to overcome that; I feel like they may not have as many venues as we women do to talk it out.
3.Omniscience. I need to be in the know (at least more so than the person sitting next to me).
1.I viewed them as devils for a long time, b/c I never felt affection from my father, and saw him treat my mother badly., then at 14 I was taken advantage of by my youth pastor, then jumped right into a relationship right after that, and married when I was 17, to someone who was physically & verbally abusive!
THEN, I got divorced after 13 yrs,
and met a man, who I viewed as a god!
Big Mistake! Even though he was a
good man, I was looking for love,
and protection & SECURITY in the
wrong place.
God showed me shortly after I married him that HE IS THE ONLY ONE
WHO COULD MAKE ME SECURE!!!
2. I don't see alot of differences in men's insecurities, because my husband has as many insecurities as I use to have, but I do see
a difference in the way they handle them. Most men will not speak about them & pretend they don't have any.
3. Omniscience- My first husband ran around on me & did drugs, so I
snooped & searched to know things.
I stopped playing God when my 21 yr old daughter turned 15 & went down a desctructive road. In & out of court rooms, and things that I couldn't control, brought me to my
knees,or I guess I should say, Down
on my face, flat on the floor, before the Lord! I learned that He
is the Ancient of Days & He alone sits on the throne!!I gave up my rights, No more playing God for me.
I'm much better letting God be God!!!
Lisa
40's
Peachtree City, Ga
married
1.Neither, really. I enjoy letting my husband be my protector and handle the physically hard things for me, but this does not put him in charge of my security. I will admit that if my husband of 36 years were no longer with me, I would feel very insecure in social situations because that's one of my basic insecurities, and having him to go places with helps me, but I don't think this makes him a god. I was also sexually abused as a child, but I don't think I ever really translated this into disliking all men. I always felt it was not my fault, I just had a dirty old man for a step father; an isolated incident and I did not expect other men to behave like he did.
2.Maybe men have more insecurities about their bodies, since an inferior body challenges their manhood, and women do not have that to deal with. Men also feel more of an obligation to provide for the family financially.
3.I am definitely omnipotent – I like to have my way/be in control. I am not usually omniscient, but I do remember years ago reading my daughter's journal often when I was worried about whether she was sleeping with boyfriends.
50's
texas
married
First of all, this book has rocked my world (in a good way). I'm very secure in the way I look and who I am by an amazing work of Jesus in my life. Seriously. I used to be a mess. But this book has opened my eyes to see that there is a lot of work left to be done! It showed me areas I was insecure in I didn't even know existed. Recommending the book to all my friends! Now to answer the questions.
1. Gods. Arggh. I always see them as someone who is stronger than I am and "more together". As if they don't have issues like me.
2. Women's seem to be about how they look. Men's seem to be about fears of failure and not measuring up.
3. Omniscience. Yep. That's me. When you talked about being informed and keeping up with what's going on in the world. That's me. And sometimes I can go way overboard and it rattles my security. And I have to detox and spend time with God just to see straight.
Single (And trying to be secure about that;))
30's
Do you want to hear something interesting? I work in a Pediatric ICU and one of our ICU Dr's who is quite brilliant, saves lives on a regular basis,& has everything in the world going for him. He usually stays in the unit at night and chats and has fun w/ the staff. I would have never thought in a million years that he was insecure about anything. But one night he came in and said he was going to hide in his call room because his pants and shirt didn't match. He was serious! We barely saw him all night..I find that really interesting in this journey of tackling insecurity.
Liz
31
Atlanta Ga.
married
1) I tend to view men as gods. A compliment or a put down from a man makes a bigger impact on me then if a woman said it. I give them too much control over my moods and my feelings about myself.
2)Men hide insecurities much better than women! All the men in my life have an answer for everything. I've just recently come to the realization that they are making some things up.( I know I'm slow!) I've decided that they feel they must have an answer or they will lose face. Women don't seem to have a problem saying "I don't know."
3) Omnipotence resonated with me. I have experienced wanting to control others and others wanting me to control them. My husband recently told me that I needed to help him lose weight. He wanted me to make him get out of bed at 6:00 am, make him exercise for an hour, and then make him eat right. Well, his request was a dream come true for me. I love fixing all problems, and the only way a problem is going to be fixed is if I have control over it! Each morning I tried to drag him out of bed.( unsuccessfully I might add) I tried to get him excited about my pilates video.( Yea, that didn't work either) And I gave many lectures about healthy eating, which normally resulted in him eating a couple of Little Debbies. Needless to say I have found out that: we cannot control other people, even when they give you the control!
Jennifer
30's
Married
Mpls MN
1) I tend to see certain men in my own as gods more then devils. Like my Dad He is a truly wonderful man and I have been very blessed to have him as a father. He has always made me feel loved and special. However, my wonderful Husband is different, He is a great guy, but shows his affection differently than my dad. I know that it is because his father was not very affectionate towards his mom, so he never had a great role model for showing it.
Other guys that I meet however fall into neither category for me they kind of just are there.
2) Just from my own experience with my husband, there are somethings he is very insecure about, though if you were to ask him, he would outright deny that he had any, but you can tell when you've touched on them. It seems that with guys it's all about their sense of manliness and it seems that it can be different depending on how each guy defines their own manliness. Where women it seems to be where we stand with others or how we stack up to other. she's prettier, thinner, ect.
3) for me the one that rang most true is the all powerful. I had to laugh a little when I read the part about not really wanting to control but feel that you have to. It's so true. I would rather not be so in control but I feel that I have to be sometimes. Not that It won;t get done right so much is that it just won't get done at all. It was what I learned about my husband though some experiences we've had together, when he was supposed to do something important and I never got done. I am getting better at letting go off things with a little or rather a lot of help from God.
Roll Call
Clare
Victor, Montana
50's
Married
1) I tend to view men as gods. They have always been the ones that I put my hope in (apart from God) and who I think will give me everything I need. I have always kind of revered them and longed for them.
2) What you said about me having to prove their manhood really made sense to me. I agree that women don't really go around tryin to prove they are a woman. I think they are the same in that they both want to have good sexual technique and feel confident in that area. I think they both want to feel loved and needed on some level. I think a difference is that men want respect and women want to feel cherished.
Married
30's
Memphis TN