Good morning, Siestas! I just had a malfunction on the moderation page and, when I closed down and tried to reopen, I think it may have eaten about nine comments to the previous post. I’m so sorry if yours was one of them! I hate when that happens. All four Jones and Melissa, and I are packing up and heading to North Carolina to be part of a gathering near Asheville at Ridgecrest Conference Center. We are so excited to be together and to serve together. We also can’t wait to be with Travis who is family to all of us Moore/Jones/Fitzpatricks. We wish Angela, Jack, Lily Kate, and Levi were going, too! That would be the ultimate. We’ll also have so many other friends there – a reunion of sorts in a lot of ways. Anyway, you won’t waste a prayer on any of us. We never get this thing down. We pray not to get in the way of the Holy Spirit and that the pleasure of Christ will be upon us all. The group will be smaller than our LPL gatherings which means we’ll be able to see many faces and hug lots of necks. It will be water to our thirsty souls.
OK, so it’s TUESDAY! And that means it’s time for you to talk. Here is today’s topic:
Talk to me about a memorable time in your life when God broke through your hardheartedness, doubt, numbness or bitterness (or maybe even grief) with what almost seemed like a single stroke. In other words, has there ever been a time in your life when an event, a moment, or sudden revelation was used by God to crumble a wall that had long since been in place? I’ve been mulling over how a single God-ordained moment can change an entire season. If you’ve had one of those, describe it. After so many other things hadn’t “worked,” why do you think the breakthrough came like it did? (Keep in mind, some things just remain mysteries to us.) Take your time and think it through. Let it cause you some thanksgiving while you’re at it.
I will look so forward to your answers! You are dear to me, Sisters. May Christ be continually attracted to this community we call Siestaville.
I was one of 8 siblings 4 boys, 4 girls. I lost my sister Joyce before I even got a chance to know her, to complications from pneumonia, my brother Carl was murdered, my brothers Ronald and Richard in the same year 6 months apart to heart disease and alcholism and most recently my brother Mario to Lung cancer. I had also gone through 2 bouts of Cancer but Praise God, I had come out on the other side cancer free. If you’re counting with me, there is only 3 of us left. I often wondered why this would happen to our family and asked God that question often. At that same time my brother Mario was going through his cancer treatments, I was going through the separation of my 32 year marriage, but again, praise God, he has restored.
When I was preparing to speak to a group of ladies and was praying about what I would say, he used my story to minister to those who were hurting, dealing with broken marriages, cancer and loss. That was a WOW, “God is all over this” moment. 2Corinthians 1:4 tells us why we go through things like that. We are to comfort one another as we have been comforted by God in our trials. That was a knock me over moment! He pulled me up and let me know that because he has brought me through all of that he can use my story to help others to see that they can too. We serve an awesome God.
Now instead of feeling sorry for myself and all that I’ve been through, I can praise God that he saw me through the storm, whole and alright. He can use your experiences too, no matter how awful they may seem, God can bring good from the bad. Praise God! Have a wonderful day in the Lord Ladies. Beth, I’m so thankful for your ministry, it has blessed me more than you’ll ever know, this side of heaven.
I love how God pursues us.
When I was in high school, I got involved in a relationship with someone I had no business being in a relationship with. I stayed in this relationship despite many promptings from the Holy Spirit to get out…and despite many red flags. It was abusive and dysfunctional. We eventually ended up getting married. I was 4 months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me…again. Suddenly, I was pregnant, alone, in a brand new house that I couldn’t afford and unemployed. I was angry and bitter. I put up a wall against God. I’m not sure why I decided to take my anger out on Him. But, he never left me. My wall came crumbling down when my son was just a few days old. He was jaundiced when he was born, which is not usually serious, but it was serious to me. I was a young new mother, and I was alone. I had to take him back to the doctor for repeated blood tests. It was so hard to watch them squeeze the blood out of his heel drop by drop while he screamed. I cried right along with him. I remember thinking, “I wish there was a way to make him understand that this pain is temporary and for his own good.” Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me so clearly it was almost audible. It cut through all the other noise in my head and spoke straight to my spirit. He said, “that’s what I wish you would understand too.”
That day was the beginning of my turning back to him. He sent me an incredible godly man, and we are now happily married and serving the Lord together. He has adopted my son, and we have a beautiful daughter together. The Lord has been so good to me.
ooohhhh Ridgecrest…I am so close to Ridgecrest. Is this gathering open to Siestas or this a private “thang”? Enjoy the mountains – there’s still a bit of glorious fall colors hanging onto the trees.
CC
It is a Lifeway event: 15th Women’s Leadership Forum. (www.lifeway.com)
One day, out of the blue, my best friend told me she was filing for a divorce from her husband. I was in total shock! How in the world did this happen? We told each other EVERYTHING, and I just couldn’t understand it! Sure, from time to time we had shared some frustrations we had had with our spouses, but divorce? As time went on, she shared with me about how her husband had been verbally abusive to her, and several times it had even turned physical. I had a hard time believing that this type of thing could happen, and she not ever share it with me before. I just didn’t believe her! About that time, I started hearing through the rumor mill that she had met someone else.
Over the course of a few months, she and I weren’t even speaking anymore. I was angry, hurt, shocked – any emotion you can think of – I felt it! For two years, we didn’t even speak. Our kids were in the same grade at the same school, and when we saw each other at the school, we didn’t even speak!
This was just eating me away on the inside. I was stuffing my feelings down with food and gaining tons of weight. I battled depression. I closed myself off from other friendships, because I never wanted to get close to anyone ever again!
I was going through the Angela Thomas Bible study at my church, “A Beautiful Offering.” We were watching the video one day where she was talking about having gone through a divorce. I remember Angela saying, “No one ever asks to be divorced.” Wow! That just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have never heard God speak any more clearly to me than He did that day.
I came home from Bible Study and called my friend. I asked her if she could give me a few minutes of her time. I went right over and met with her. I started off by apologizing to her. I told her that I had not been a very good Christian example, and for that I was sorry. That when she needed a friend the most, I wasn’t there for her. All of those years of bitterness and confusion were just gone – right there in her living room!
I wish I could say that we picked right back up where we left off, but we did not. She felt hurt and betrayed that I did not stand by her. It has taken quite a bit of time, but now 3 years later, we have become really good friends.
You know, God has used this situation to really show Himself to me. Even though I did not agree with or understand what my friend was doing, I needed to show her a Christ-like love, and I did not. How thankful I am that when I mess up and make mistakes, God does not walk away from me and tell me “When I come to my senses He will come back!” He is always there, loving me, and patiently waiting for me to turn back to Him. How awesome is that???
I have been numb for the past few weeks and it has been hard for me to pray or feel anything. I was at church Sunday and the praise team began to sing Revelation Song. I immediately felt emotions welling up inside. The congregation was seated and I was thinking no way can we stay seated and sing this song. I saw the preacher stand out of the corner of my eye and I wasted no time in jumping to my feet. Eventually the whole congregation stood but I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was in my own world. The wall that had been up for the past few weeks collapsed in that single moment. I was flooded with thanks for the Holy Spirit allowing me to feel its presence. I felt like it was just me standing there before the Lord, worshiping Him. I sang to Him, “You are my Everything and I will Adore You.”
Beth: My break through moment was the first year of ministy as a young youth pastor’s wife. I had struggled for years with bitterness toward my father. He left my mom when I was 12 years old but that was just the culmination of years of alcohol, other women and emotional and sexual abuse (more directed toward my older sisters). Anyway, we had a special meeting with The Life Action Singers as soon as my husband and I started with our church. Matter of fact, we followed their trucks and busses into town. The speaker talked about how your image of God the Father came from the relationship with your earthly father. It was like a light bulb went off in my heart! I had for years doubted my salvation and unable to fully trust God because I associated Him with the failures of my earthly father. I went forward that night in the service, talked to a counselor and have since even been able to even forgive my father. Thank you for your ministry. It has been such a blessing in my life and with the ladies in my church.
The veil was recently lifted after a dear friend gave me your book So Long Insecurity. Through your courage Beth, God has shown me how most of my 42 years has been motivated by insecurity. Of course there are many reasons, but I know longer want to find excuses or find fault in the past. The truth that you revealed in that incredible book has set me free. I know that Jesus will heal, and my only duty is to trust. Thank you for your testimony, life and example as a Christian sister, wife and mother to two beautiful Godly women. I pray the Lord will mold my broken life as He has yours for His good.
About six years ago I found out I was unable to have children. At the time, I felt like it was the worse thing that could’ve happened to me.
Eventually I became so bitter toward others, including my husband and most importantly God, that I retreated into a shell of myself. I finally got to a point where I really didn’t care about anything or anyone.
The fall of that same year I took a Master’s class called “Death and Dying” where I met a wonderful Christian instructor. One assignment was to write a paper about what we would tell our family if we found out we were about to die. It seemed morbid at first, but when I started writing I realized I had no answers and found myself wondering if I would go to heaven if I died (even though I was a Christian). This floored me and made me take a new look at my life. It made me realize all the blessings I was taking for granted. He had been there all along through the bitterness just waiting on me to open my eyes.
I now teach an Adult Women’s Sunday school class, and I write weekly devotions through email. He has blessed me beyond anything I could ever imagine; and although I never had children I’ve found other ways to fill my life through His promises.
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband & I were married for nine years before God blessed us with kids, two through adoption and one biologically. It was a long hard nine years. Especially those early years. I remember crying a LOT. The pain of watching friends and loved ones have kids was so hard..and I felt guilty for being jealous and unhappy. I remember going to a Women of Faith conference and one of the speakers asked us if Jesus was enough. She said, if you could ask for one thing and He said, “No”, would you be OK with that? Would He be enough?? I had to think about it, but eventually came to the place to say, “Yes, He is”. You are loved sweet sister.
Big Hugs,
Michelle
So this is a tough one for me to be honest with you on. I am married to an amazing man who has 3 beautiful children from his first marriage. I have long since struggled to “understand” how a mother could walk away from her children and destroy her family the way that she did. I have always been very judgemental and have rarely extended grace to this woman. Then it was like God hit me with a lightning bolt. I was sexually abused as a child and had a very tumultuous past where I struggled greatly with sexual sin. And one day as I was in my praise and worship time on the way to work He spoke very clearly to my heart and said “Andrea- you are only a step away from being her….” Meaning…all it takes in life is one mis-step…one temptation…one poor choice and our lives can be shattered…that is how deviously Satan works in our lives. My heart has softened, and it’s no longer anger that remains, but a great sense of sadness and sorrow that this woman continues to let her sin and her poor choices clothe her in guilt and shame, they paralyze her from having true, loving relationship with her children… Oh- Lord- you are so good! Thank you for loving us-especially in our brokenness…thank you for loving us enough to leave us in our past, but for blessing our present with true freedom and joy.
In Him,
Andrea
Yes, Beth! Yes! I have such a moment! After years of being a believer, involved in my church, going on mission trips, attending and doing Bible studies, I was FINALLY able to break down this pesky thin barrier between the Lord and me. I just couldn’t fully “get it”, you know? I believed and trusted in God for so many things when I finally realized that the one thing I didn’t trust was that He truly WANTED to protect me. I knew He could, I just didn’t think He WOULD. I had grown so jaded and cynical, thinking I was just sassy and quirky. This spring (2010), my women’s Bible study group did the updated “Breaking Free” study. CHANGED. MY. LIFE. It finally hit me after so many years of knowing and loving God that I was not “sassy” nor “quirky” – I was a sinner! I was deeply bound to the sin of UNBELIEF! That one moment, I swear I heard a snap in those chains. I feel like God grabbed me by the shoulders and said to me “Child! You FINALLY GET IT!” About a month after that, I was walking home from work and I said “You know what, Lord? If this is all there is, this is enough. This is a good life! I simply couldn’t ask for me than to be your girl!”. I can’t tell you how happy and free I feel. After a season of bitterness and hard sifting, God’s peace and love abound in me so much that I nearly can’t stand it! Then two weeks after that epiphany, He threw in a monkey wrench – the most amazing man I’ve ever known asked me to dinner. He’s going to be my husband next year!
Hi Robin,
I’m kinda going out on a limb here, but some of what you described sounds very much like my own journey with God. I too have been a believer for years, I’ve gone through Breaking Free and Believing God and yet I still struggle sometimes with believing that God WANTS to bless me, WANTS to walk with me, WANTS me to know His indescribable power in my life. Do you have any Scriptures that have been especially helpful to you in breaking this attitude? Thanks for sharing, Siesta!
Wow.. I had the coolest life changing moment. I have always struggled with feeling beautiful… I had wonderful parents who said that I was beautiful but no one else did.. I listening to the lies of the enemy for way to long. But then I did the Bible study while I was in grad school called Do you think I’m beautiful by Angela Thomas. She encourages you to ask the question do you think I’m beautiful to God and wait for his answer. So I asked.. and waited for HIS answer.
I waited a year and a half.. then I was on a silent retreat for grad school (great huh.. retreat for school) and an older man I did not know came up to me and said the answer to your question is Song of solomon 4:7.. i had no idea what he was talking about because I had not asked him anything. Opened God’s word and it said, You are altogether beautiful my love there is no flaw in you! glory… can’t argue with God’s answer to my question now.. so i look in the mirror and just believe that!
hallelujah! love that.
I grew up going to church Sunday mornings and Sunday School.When I got older and got married, we started a family right away so in my eyes I was too busy to go to church. Well years passed and many bad things happened in my life and my heart grew cold towards God. I thought ” if there was a God how could he let these bad things happen to my family and friends?” Years later we moved from the state that we were living in and moved to WY where i met some of the greatest women. Two of these great women asked me to bible study and I always turned them down. At the time I was still upset with God. So after a few years, one day again I was asked to go to Bible study and I finally said yes. It was a Beth Moore study and all i can say is it broke down that wall that I had built around my heart and brought me back to God! I will always be thankful for my wonderful friends that never gave up on me, God and Beth for helping find my way back. Thank You!!!
For me, God broke through my hardness and bitterness a little over a year ago with some very harsh consequences. I began running hard away from God after some major health problems, a church split, and finally starting to deal with some childhood abuse. One night I found myself sitting in the biggest pit I could ever find myself in. As I came out of my hangover and the realization of my consequences hit, God also hit me with His love, complete acceptance, and magnificent grace. In that instance, every wall I had been trying to build up around me (from God, my family, the “church”, my past, my future, and simply myself) came crumbling down. It was such a reality check, that I immediately changed every circumstance I could in order to start following hard after Christ again, including quitting my job and moving to a new town. It was horribly painful and humiliating, but I can honestly say that I know I would not be following hard after Christ right now if that night in August 2009 would not have happened. Today I can stand and proclaim freedom, because my God saves us in our most wretched state! I know He did me!
Beth,
I live in North Carolina, about 45 minutes from Ridgecrest. Beautiful place and the mountains are in their peak this weekend. I wish you and your family safe travels. I wish I could speak to you, face to face. You’ve been such an inspiration to me. Thank you for what you do and thank God for you! Love ya Denise
I seem to have a lot of health problems that require a LOT of surgeries. One time, I was preparing for a surgery, and I just could not seem to shake this fear that I was going to die. I prayed against it, my husband and I prayed against it, multiple times, but I could not seem to shake it. I know where I am going when I die, but the fear would not leave. I would think thoughts like, “I will die, and my 3 small children will turn against God becasue they lost me”. It just persisted and persisted. Finally, one day before my surgery, I was standing in my shower, and I heard God say in the most Holy, awe inspiring, voice. :”I am ABLE to take care of your children”. It was in a tone that brooked no argument!If I had had shoes on, I would have taken them off, because God’s power and holiness was so unbelievably present in that one statement to me. From that point on, I was not afraid of God, but I did not dare question his love for me, and that even if something DID happen to me, my children were in the best possible hands. I had such a peace going into that surgery, and this moment has been a standing stone of remembrance for me whenever I worry about my children, and for the many surgeries after!
God broke through my numbness and doubt very clearly on December 11, 2000. I’ve always been a worrier- from everything to worrying about dying from a brown recluse spider bite as a child to convincing myself as a teenager that I had leukemia and was dying and no one was telling me (I read some stupid book about childhood cancer called “Too Young to Die”…) Anyway, cancer and fear of the death of my loved ones had always been a huge fear for me. So in November of 2000 when my husband (aged 27 at the time) was diagnosed with cancer it was like all my worst fears were coming true. I was also 8 weeks pregnant with our second child at the time (and our firstborn was 15 months old). Over the course of the next few weeks as we awaited Jason’s surgery, I was filled with His peace and comfort, yet somehow at the same time, I was convincing myself (in the internal conversations that I”m sure we all have) that my husband was going to die and that I would be left raising our children alone. Long story sort of short, on the morning of his surgery, one of my dear friends left a note on my windshield and all it had was the words of Jeremiah 29:11. God used those words at that moment to break down my walls of fear and remove my doubts of His care and provision. Over the next few months through my husbands treatments we learned the lesson over and over that the sufferings we face are not about us but about God and His ultimate glory.
I write in my Bible when a certain verse speaks to me and I wrote the date, December 11, 2000 beside Jeremiah 29:11. This past December on the same date, the Lord led me to this specific passage again regarding our efforts through fertility treatments to have another child. The Lord conforted my heart again with this verse and told me very clearly to persevere. Now, almost a year later, after 4 rounds of fertility treatments, we are pregnant and rejoicing in the “future and hope” God has for this child.
Blessings and I hope you are enjoying our lovely mountains here in WNC. Born and bred here.
This is a first for me so forgive me while I stumble through.
Bitterness, boy have I been there, some due to my choices I made, others because of circumstances which is the one I choose to share with you.
In 1990 my precious daddy died from colon cancer and while in the hosptial right before he passed, he asked that all of us, children and my mom and his mom come to visit. He wanted to pray with us, at this time I learned about a request he had made before that caused my heart bitterness. My father became fearful and started to doubt his salvation, he asked for his pastor so the phone call was made but his pastor wouldn’t/couldn’t come. To this day I still don’t know but the truth is it doesn’t matter as I was bitter no matter what the excuse. I couldn’t understand why a pastor wouldn’t come visit and pray with member of his church on their death bed. I became so bitter at this man! No excuses, this was my dad and not only that, he was a faithful member of the church. How dare he disregard my dad. I didn’t want anything to do with this pastor afterwards but I knew within the next few days I would be face to face with this man as he was in charge of my dad’s funeral. Now that I look back at this I just wanted to be mad, be bitter and I knew for me I couldn’t be mad at God, that scared me! Funeral came and went, I have to say I don’t remember to much about it, but I do remember even in the funeral service I was feeling bitterness toward him. Do you know it took me years to overcome it but PRAISE the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY for conviction and love. Years later I confronted this pastor because I knew I needed to and tell him I was sorry. This pastor just loved on me and was so gracious it was like nothing ever happened. God is so good and his blessings are ever flowing. Yes I was bitter and yes God convicted me but through it all God never gave up on me and Never turned his back on me even when I was not living a life that was pleasing to him. I’m Amazed that he loved me, I’m Amazed how he cared!!!
Thank you and Have a wonderful time in NC. I love it here and thank God everyday for his blessings. Praying for ya!
In Christ,
Loretta
I worked for a church in NYC and I lead a women’s retreat using your Loving Well curriculum. The retreat was a wonderful time spent with some of the most amazing women I have ever met and who have truly become sisters to me. There was a discussion about enemies that I couldn’t really grasp because I thought there wasn’t anyone in my heart that I considered an enemy. I must also say that during this time and season in my life, I was battling a great emotional despair that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
It was few months later that I was spending a day with God to just get still in the midst of the craziness of the city and God spoke to me through Psalm 55:12-14 to open my eyes.
Our church had been through a rough season and I had come to realize that my enemy was a friend, someone I shared sweet fellowship with while we worked together in the church. At this moment, I realized I had been hurt, but like a woman I was trying to protect and nurture so many others in the church body who had been effected by this season. God used the Loving Well study and Psalm 55:12-14 to heal a hurt I had been holding onto for quite some time. It was such a release from emotional distress and bitterness that I had been clinging to.
I was soul searching literally, back in the late 70’s, I lost my first husband through suicide, I was depressed, broken hearted, I was living with a girlfriend, One saturday afternoon, I was lying in my bed , I asked God, are you really there, I need you. Feel asleep, awakened by a touch on my shoulder, I thought it was my roommate, no one was there, I believe it was a touch from the Lord. Although I went through some more trials, I met my new husband in “79′ I told him would he be patient with me, I come with alot of baggage, he responds of course, We started going to church, got married, I had 3 small sons at the time, was invited to a womens fellowship, Where I was prohesied over,my heart was not broken, the lord healed me in a mighty way. Now I’m blessed today with 3sons, and 1 daughter. Today I’m celebrating 31 years of marriage to a man who was patient, with my broken heart, to a mended heart.:)
I just want to say how much I appreciate reading your posts, Beth, and, when I have time, like today, I love all the comments. God is so good and amazing and works in such unique ways in each person’s life.
I am a pastor’s kid, a missionary’s kid, and now have been a missionary and a pastor’s wife for 30 years. I have spent most of my life trying hard to be a “good kid” but was desperately lonely, frustrated and struggled with depression (read suppressed anger)for a very long time.
But about 15 years ago, God brought a very good friend into my life who has loved me unconditionally and has pushed and pushed me to be honest with her about who I am and how I am feeling and helping me search out the “whys” of my complicated emotions. Between this friend and Beth Moore Bible studies, which I have been involved in for 8 or 9 years, I am walking taller and am happier in life and more joyful in my spirit than ever before in my life.
I still fall sometimes and my emotions plummet, but God is so gracious and never lets go. I just want to praise Him for his unfailing love. You don’t have to hide from Him.
I LOVE RIDGECREST!! I live close, and my girls and I have gone to camp there the last two summers. I really wanted to come to the Forum, but God had other plans. I hope it is wonderful, and Im praying 🙂
After my father died, I felt like my life was over too. I was in my early twenties and not walking with the Lord (but was in church). Both of my maternal grandparents and my father died within a year. I was angry with God, and gave up everything concerning Him for 6 months. Then one day I knew that was wrong. I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when He whispered grace over me. I was delivered from the anger and fear, and I knew God loved me and my life was not over. Fourteen years removed, I see that season was the catalyst that caused me to seek Him. Im so grateful, He is faithful.
It’s my first post here on Siestaville and very exciting! I thank you all for your ministry to women like me. What a blessing you are! My biggest “Aha” God moment was about three years ago, but first a little background: several months earlier I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a 20 month old son so it completely shattered me. But I kept saying to myself, “This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to my faith, so I’m going to trust God and hang on to Him tight through this journey.” I kept a stiff upper lip through most of my treatment, but as I felt worse and worse, I became more and more depressed. At the end of chemo, I hit rock bottom. I was wracked with fear of dying and not being able to raise my son, and also filled with doubt that God cared, even existed, let alone that He was working through this experience. I felt deeply ashamed of having these thoughts and feelings because what is faith when it all crumbles in the midst of trials? In a moment of desperation, I called my church to ask for prayer (I couldn’t think of anything else to do) and the next thing I knew my pastor and two other people from our church were at my house, along with my husband who rushed home from work (I guess I sounded pretty desperate which was uncharacteristic of me because I had mostly kept to myself throughout my illness). My pastor asked where I was with my faith, and I fell apart. I told him I felt like such a failure because my faith seemed to have evaporated as soon as the going got tough, and I was wondering where God was and if I even believed in Him anymore. Then what he said shocked me, “Have you talked to God about this?” Then the real kicker, “You know, it’s okay to tell Him you’re angry about all of this happening, even that you’re angry at Him and doubting Him. He already knows it anyway and it’s not doing you any good to keep it all to yourself.” Well, duh. As I write this it seems silly that I didn’t get this before that moment. Things didn’t necessarily get easier from then on, but it did free me up to be open and honest with God. Our relationship changed so much when I stopped trying to be what I thought He wanted me to be and just said, “Here I am in all my weakness, anger, doubt and ugliness. Please help me.” I don’t think anything has affected my relationship with God in such a positive way. I used to listen to your Bible Studies, and think, “I want to love God like that.” My cancer experience and this big aha moment has helped me learn to love and trust God in a way I didn’t think I was capable of. I thank and praise my Lord and Savior with all my heart for allowing those difficult circumstances because it was through them that He began to teach me how to truly love Him.
Now I know why I didn’t leave my comment yesterday because my breakthrough moment came this very morning. I was contemplating how needy I seem to be these days and was talking with the Lord about how I’m willing to give grace to others because I need so much of it myself. Do you know what I heard Him ask me in my spirit? “How about yourself? Are you willing to give yourself a little grace? Are you willing to believe you’ve received it?” Do you know what I hear Him saying to me even as I type this? “My beloved, My grace is sufficient for you. Will you receive it?” And to that I answer, “Yes, Lord.” The phrase “Shame off – grace on!” is not an original of mine, but I want to modify it with my own version of the statement to make an application point. Instead of shame off, my watchword today will be, pressure off – grace on! That means the pressure to do it, say it, or perform it perfectly is off and God’s grace is applied. I hope all of you have a blessed day.
Basking in His grace,
Patti Hayes
My Mom had been in a coma for 3 months and I had been praying why won’t you heal her God, please heal her. Then one night, while sitting in her room, God told me that my prayer request needed to change. Instead, I should be praying for what he had planned for my Mom and to prepare me for whatever the outcome. Truly making that choice to give up control and trust God – what a sense of peace and strength that came over me I just can’t describe. It was truly giving control of my life to God.
Mom woke from her coma a couple weeks later much to our surprise, and then 15 days later went to be with the Lord. I believe that God woke her so that we could spend those last few days with her. She was so happy and joyful, even though she knew she was dying. That time is one of my most precious memories, painful as it is.
I knew that “God does not promise a life without pain, His promise is that He is in control and that He will never leave us”. I didn’t truly understand this statement until the death of my Mom. Now and forever, I know that God is with me, God is in control, and that I am so precious to Him. Forever my Father, Wondeful Counselor, Mighty God, Prince of Peace.
In 2000 we found out some news that rocked our world. I won’t give the details, so I’ll just say that it caused me to fear for my children’s safety within our own home. The cause of the problem no longer lived with us, but my fears stayed with me. I was so afraid that I began sleeping in our kids’ hallway. I was afraid to let them play outside and letting them stay the night at someone else’s home was out of the question.
In addition to that, Satan used how I had lived before I got married to create a huge fear of becoming ill, dying and my kids not knowing my love for them; because no-one can love them like I do! My husband was concerned, but understood why and just prayed for me. (How I love him. 🙂 )
Then one morning while praying and crying about the whole situation (Think I was doing “Believing GOD” at the time.) The Father said to me, “DO YOU TRUST ME OR NOT?” I said, “Yes, but…” and He said, “NO, either you trust me or your don’t. Do you trust me? Do you trust me to take care of them? To grow them into the people I want them to be? Did I not do that with you? Look back to where you were & where you came from. Have I not been faithful in your life?!” (I’m crying right now remembering.) I had to just fall on my face, apologize and say, “Yes, Father! You have been faithful. I believe you! I’m putting them in your hands.” From then on I’ve been free from the slavery of that fear. Every once in a while when I feel those old fears trying to creep back in I hear Jesus saying, “Do you trust me?” and I say, “Yes, Lord, I trust you!” and I walk forward with confidence and peace.
Thanks for letting me share.
Much Love,
Anna
” In Christ every defeat is meant to turn into a Victory”
The year I am unsure of. The place, Athens Intercontinental Hotel. The setting, tapeing session #9 Beloved Disciple, From a Throne’s Eve View.
How LORD, how can my WAS ever turn into an IS victory?
I remember questioing HIM this but wanting to believe what HE was saying, I AM, Almighty {Rev.1:8}
condemnation was such a part of my “person’the accusor had total control of my insecure mind.
until= with my face turned upward the blood drops fell down onto my confused mind and scarred heart. The blood of The Lamb covered me. Insecurity could not have contol anymore. Questioning why I ended up like this, what was wrong with me were tactics of the Judas. And I could beat him to The Throne and be forgiven anytime the Spirit compelled me to confess.
And my God would say to me, “Kerry, I have no record of that ”
Today, some nine years later the righteousness of God has got me covered.
He is redeeming my WAS, cleansing my IS and showing HIS power in this my IS TO COME.
I cannot express, but HE knows how sincere I am, how grateful I am for allowing me a place in HIS kingdom. I have a place. I am loved. Oh to love HIM back!
You my God are Yahweh Tsidqenu, the LORD my righteousness
hello siestas,
i have only commented one other time on here but here goes.
five years ago my husband, family and I were abruptly uprooted by the Lord from a church we loved and called to pastor a new church in RI. I was very uncomfortable about the move. I hated to leave a church family I love. Through the pain I began to resent the church and the people we were meeting. My negative comments all but killed my husband, until one day he told me to never say another negative thing about the new church we had just started.
For months I did not say a word! if you can even imagine! besides the weather and what was for dinner I did not communicate with my husband at all.
Untill one day the Lord orchestrated events that led me to blow like a volcano! I cried for hours with my husband I told him exactly how i had been feeling for the past months and we have never been the same.
I know it was the Lord because I desperatley needed a heart change and I had been really seeking and asking for Him to move my heart to this new church family. Oh He did alright!
Beth,
There have been so many times. God is changing them all one by one! Praise the Lord for how it works.
I wanted to tell you about one in particular.
Since the day my husband and I were married, sports was always an issue. He watched hours and hours of sports. Every sport! To me, It seemed like that was his way of escaping me and or his responsibilities.
For 30 years I was bitter and didn’t even understand how that had happened.
One day when I told him I wanted to spend more time with him. (Oh honesty can be so complicated, even difficult to start a sentence…) He told me maybe I needed to try to do what other people liked to do… There was a gulp in my throat. I knew what he meant. I told him I would talk to God about it, pray about it. I did. The Holy Spirit told me rather quickly “yep, why don’t you?”
The answer is that I never saw it as a way to spend quality time and I didn’t even realize I was bitter.
I know that God will deal with him in whatever way is needed. But I have to deal with ME. I have to let God change ME as necessary.
Last week I watched a college football game and I didn’t even HATE it. I don’t have to watch a whole game, or every game, or ANY game, if I don’t want to. But I won’t be bitter any longer.
I praise God for those times he gives me EYES.
I love this question! And I could spend hours reading everyone’s answers.
My dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack when I was six years old. That in and of itself would have been enough, but the man my mom married two years later brought another kind of hurt and pain to my brother and me. He was never physically abusive, but he was dealing with his own demons and he took out his hurt and anger on two little kids who had nothing to do with it. And then we turned into teenagers. I withdrew and made escape plans (college), and my brother fought back and finally just left.
So over the years I began to feed and water the root of bitterness that was planted when I was a child. I cared for that root and it became a sprout, then a sapling and then a full-blown redwood of bitterness. I nursed that tree and babied it and held it out as some sort of badge of honor. I had earned my bitterness, dangit! And used the tree to build fences to protect me from ever being hurt again.
And then my friend and Sunday school teacher, Lynn, invited all the ladies from our class to a short four-week study on Ruth. (I was also dealing with some intense pride at this point, so I thought my help might be needed in explaining some of the passages to the other girls. Seriously.) Things were going fine and dandy when we came upon the passage where Naomi announces her name change. I was, of course, in favor of the name change. I loved the name “Mara,” and was even making plans to use that name for any daughter I may have in the future. I was probably thinking how awesome it was that there was a name that meant “bitter.”
And then Lynn said The Thing. She said, “bitterness is a sin.” I was shocked (how is that a sin?). Offended (do you even KNOW what I’ve been through?). I listened some more as she explained. She even had scripture to back it up… so I listened and let her words penetrate my heart. I thought about it more after class. And I realized she was absolutely right. And I confessed all my stored-up bitterness and resentment to God, and also to Lynn. I won’t pretend that I instantly got over everything (who does, really?), but I have not let it reign over me any more. And I will also say that I am able to love my step-dad and even empathize with his childhood better because I’m not holding onto bitterness over mine.
I will never forgot that night in 2004. I was in a pit, a cold dark mirery pit of my own making from a sin I choose to embrace. I knew better because I have been a Christian from childhood. That particular night I hit rock bottom. I was truly alone in this and another rejection had sent me spiraling down. No matter where I turned, everyone seemed to know about my “sin”. I was in my car heading home and started screeming at God. First I was angry and then I was crying hysterically. I entered my house and fell onto my knees in front of the love seat in my bedroom emotionally, physically and spiritually broken. It became a most beautiful moment because as I cried for forgiveness I felt my Lords hands on my head. His spirit was so overwhelming I would have thought He was physically there. I experienced His grace and an overwhelming peace came over me.
It has been a long journey and I will always wear the scar of that sin but I am a new women. Coming to a place of brokenness was the best thing for me. Truly, the only thing that holds me up these days when life tries to bring me down again are my scritpure memory cards. I so cherish the power of scripture!!
Believing Him~Pamela
Sitting here at Ridgecrest waiting for your arrival … Travis has been rocking the house and praising our Lord! God took me through a period of bitterness after the loss of our infant son. Though I “turned my back on Him” … He was faithful and waited patiently for my return! Though at the time, we could not understand His plan … we can now see that He had prepared a special family for us through the adoption of two beautiful little girls whom we love very much. Though we are still saddened by our loss – they blessing we have received from these girls, every day, reminds us of His great faithfulness!
I guess the biggest has got to be my wanting a relationship with God through Jesus. Previously, I was absolutely sure God was nothing more than some myth and Jesus some guy who lived centuries ago. Though God gradually and gently broke through my atheistic beliefs, a profound revelation for me was in reading the Left Behind series. It was the relationship of the characters with God that caused a burning desire within me to say, “I want that.” And God, Faithful and True, answered that prayer. 🙂
My mother died of cancer in l977. God showed me 2 Peter 1:5 which helped me understand that God is helping us grow and we are to show others compassion.
I read something else that I want to share in honor of those who have loved ones with cancer or who have passed away:
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
author unknown
Oh, wow – so many.. i could just write and write. but the most recent was Sunday night. We are in the last few weeks of the new ‘Breaking Free’ which is awesome by the way…
It was toward the end and you were talking about God speaking to you and impressing on your spirit that when we tell Him we love Him, it is only after He has been showing His love to us. You said the God is the INITIATOR of Love and that we need to practice saying to Him, “I LOVE YOU, TOO”. That our feeling that overwhelming desire to tell Him we love Him is a direct response to Him loving us first!
I was just floored by emotion and just began crying and couldn’t stop! It was just amazing and I now have a newly found appreciation for the love my Lord shows me! I truly see how He loves me! Talk about a breakthrough….
thank you Beth and thank you Jesus..
HI BETH, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING AND HEAR YOU SPEAK IN RAPID CITY IN A WEEK OR SO:) I HAVE BEEN TO MANY OF YOUR CONFERENCES AND LOVE THEM! MY HUSBAND AND I RECENTLY MOVED TO WASHINGTON FRON WYOMING ( TRANSPLANTS FROM KENTUCKY) ONE OF OUR DAUGHTERS (LEIGHA) LIVES IN RAPID SO I’LL BE DRIVING BACK THERE TO ATTEND WITH HER. OUR OTHER DAUGHTER (ANGIE) JUST MOVED TO HOUSTON A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO AND HAVE HAD THE PRIVELEDGE OF ATTENDING SOME OF YOUR TUESDAY NIGHT BIBLE STUDIES:) ANYWAY………..BOTH DAUGHTERS ARE JUST BEAUTIFUL AND FOR YEARS PEOPLE HAVE CONSTANTLY TOLD THEM THAT THEY LOOK SO MUCH LIKE YOU:) SO …..I WANT YOU TO MEET LEIGHA WHEN YOU COME TO RAPID:) JUST LOOK FOR A BEAUTIFUL GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU!! LOOKING FOR TO HEARING YOU SPEAK!!
Please join us in prayer wherever you are on Thursday, Nov. 11th, as a group of us will be prayer walking through the arena in Birmingham, AL where Deeper Still will take place on the December 3rd & 4th. Twenty-three days & counting!! HE is good~sk:)
From the time I was 14 until the time I was 20 I dated the same boy. Sure in high school we broke up a few times and dated other people and did what high school kiddos in a small town do…but we always ended up back together. Out of high school I went to college and he joined the military. We ended up engaged and planning a wedding. Now, back track…at some point in this relationship we were at church with his parents. Neither of us had a relationship with Jesus at that point in time, but we regularly attended church with his family. While singing hymns in church that particular Sunday he leaned over and whispered in my ear “stop singing”. So I did. He later told me that I did not sing well enough to sing out loud and I needed to just stop singing. For whatever reason I listened. And then I began to hate anything that had anything to do with singing or musical worship. I became a Christian toward the end of this relationship. We were planning a wedding and he had recently returned from a deployment. After months of struggle and heartache we decided to call off our wedding, send back hundreds of things that had already been ordered and part ways. I embarked solo into life which I had not done since I was a teenager. Back at college I was surrounded by friends all trying to help me learn and grow since recently becoming a Christian. We went to church and campus ministry meetings and had so much fun, but I still didn’t sing. People would ask me often why I didn’t sing and I would tell them that God didn’t like my voice. This was met with various retorts, but still I didn’t sing. I had learned to simply shut down during “worship” portions of any service. One night while at a campus ministry weekly meeting we were in a time of worship at the end of the service. I to this day can not describe what happened inside of me but before I could stop the sound from escaping, my mouth opened and I was singing…and singing very loudly I might add! My friend who was standing next to me slipped his hand in mine and looked at me with a big smile and tears in his eyes. After the service when I was dealing with the emotions this time of worship had caused me to feel he said to me “I have been praying for almost a year that Jesus would help you to sing”. It was simply the best way I can think of for Jesus to speak to my heart and allow my heart to speak back to him by singing!! I still sing…loudly and usually off key, but I sing! It usually causes my heart to feel so full of love and joy that it overflows in the form of tears!! Haha! Gosh I love the Lord, and I love that He loves me…and He loves to hear me sing!!
So sweet! I love this, it really blesses my heart. 🙂
Sorry this is not a response to the Tues. however I guess all of our Lord’s messages fit in one way or another. I just met with my Wed. small group study at my church.
We are using a lectio format to study the book of Luke. Intimacy with God is a “hot” topic. We have all been “doers” most of our lives – your 5th CD in the David series was “ideal” for our discussion today.
We are all at least 60. The journey always goes “Further Still”. Beth, you bless us, challenge us and support our spiritual growth. Just wish we could have you with us in person to study, pray and share our gratitude one day. Lots of blessings
Just learned that I am not crazy—always thought and was always told I was crazy (product of incest, rape, and abuse)—so I hid that behind some secret door in my heart. About 4 weeks ago a very kind lady wanted to take my picture and I refused—and when the men goaded her, she persisted and I did get very angry—and wondered why something so trivial would cause such an explosion in me. Did remember that I was always forced to do what I didn’t want to do most of my life—but did remember that my spouse had told me one time that any picture of me would show I was crazy by how I looked. So I didn’t like my picture taken. Also remembered that my dad was always weird in his thinking and how I hated that he seemed crazy—and you know that junk gets inherited.—So I hid it—a shameful thing. Two weeks ago my daughter and daughter-in-law went to see her dad—he was saying all the things he had always said including that he did not care that he had kids or grandkids. My daughter had a hard time accepting what he said not telling herself that he didn’t mean what he said…..So daughter explained to Dr. Phil what had taken place on that Saturday—she told him of other ways her dad talked and treated others—Dr. Phil told her that he was a sociopath….When we Googled sociopath and read the symptoms—her dad, my x-spouse had all the symptoms. One of the things stated was that the sociopath would make and tell others they were crazy. The next day, on a Sunday in Sunday school class I told all there of what I had learned and the steps leading up to the realization that I am not crazy. We were studying Psalm 73 and it tells what happens to those kinds of people and the damage they do to others. So I repented of believing the lie for 70+ years. I know this probably doesn’t mean anything to many others but to finally realize I’m not crazy is huge. Wonder what the Lord is going to blindside me and reveal next? Had John Sanford tell me one time that emotions are not bad but indicators of a problem area in your life. And when you ask the Holy Spirit to show you—He begins a trip that will eventually set you free of yet another lie you have believed.
It’s a big deal to me that you have this new revelation Siesta!
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
In the summer of 1997, my husband and I rejoiced with his older brother at his marriage to a beautiful, Godly young lady. A mere four months later, my brother-in-law called us early one morning with the terrible, horrible news that he was at the hospital with Beverly who suddenly and inexplicably went to be with the Lord. We were so shocked and so heartbroken for him! I vividly remember standing in a hospital waiting room listening to my brother-in-law declare, with a voice choked with sobs, “I want you to know, I still love you, God!” Well, lets just say my response was pretty much the exact opposite. To my shame and regret, after years of following Jesus, in that moment, I packed up my heart, said to God, “if THAT was Your best plan for Karl & Bev, then no thanks,” and walked away from the Lover of my Soul.
For about four or five months, I went through the motions of following Jesus, but my heart was as far from Him as I could get it. I know He tried to speak to me during those months, but I wanted nothing to do with Him. Then one night, in the spring of 1998, while reading “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers (I know y’all love it!) like a sword thrust to the heart, the Holy Spirit laid me bare and said “I LOVE YOU LIKE THAT!!!!!!” Glory! Tears running down my face as I remember!
Why the breakthrough was that night or by that means? I have no idea. I could conjecture, but the bottom line is… my God pursued me, my God never let me go even when I willfully turned my back on Him. I repented and God healed me, restored me and is still sanctifying me. In fact.. I think I’ll go read that book again!
Hi Beth, I’ll try to keep this brief. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer you can imagine the shock and sadness we (my family and I) went through. As I was undergoing chemotherapy there was a time when I thought I was losing my mind. Literally, I thought everything was being wiped out of my memory and brain. It was a very scary time for me. Through that, I sensed God mentally and physically speak to me about what I BELIEVEd about Him. Did I “B” Believe that Jesus is His Son and died for me? “E” Do I Expect Him to do great things? “L” Do I Love Him with all my heart soul and strength? “I” Have I Invested my life in others to tell them about Him? “E” Do I want to Experience His presence? “V” Do I verify everything in His Word and “E” Will I endure this journey for the joy set before me? Praise God I didn’t lose my mind. I survived the chemo and radiation and I’m still here to talk about how faithful our God is and He will see us through anything. So I guess you could say God really did break through my mental/physical numbness at time in my life that my health needed healing and a touch from Him. I could go on and on because since then He is continuing to do a work in my life to really live until He comes or calls me home. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Hi Beth,
I am resting up during our break at Ridgecrest…anxiously awaiting your keynote presentation this evening. What a blessing this leadership forum has been thus far. Esther Burroughs…what a lady. Margaret Feinberg!! Amazing… Kelly Minter?…Couragesous. And now Beth Moore and her wonderful daughter and son in law – how could life be better at this moment?
Anyhow, God used one sweep of His mighty hand to convict me and erase a lifetime of being a victim. I had spent years in captivity due to sexual abuse and in the midst of doing the Believing God study back in 2004 I listened to you speak about the “reproach of Egypt” being rolled away and my ears finally opened, my eyes finally saw Christ, and the pain in my heart I had been carrying around for 20 years bubbled to the surface. I surrendered everything and allowed His hand of healing to roll away my reproach. It was my Gilgal moment… a defining mark of
God’s grace on my walk of faith. I am grateful for God’s patience and persistance with me and have been on a journey to grow deeper and abide in His love more each day ever since…thank you.
Growing up, I truly loved singing. The older I got, the more my voice matured, and the more I sang. I was even blessed with perfect pitch. Eventually, I was a soloist in the church choir, a member of ensembles who traveled about, and a soloist at weddings and funerals, etc. I begain writing music with the hopes of being a contemporary Christian musician, perhaps in the same class as Sandy Patti. However, in 1992 I noticed some hearing loss, and over the course of 10 years have lost almost all of my hearing. I cried. I prayed my hearing would be restored. I was angry with God. I stopped going to church. I went through all of the stages of grief. I just couldn’t understand why God would allow this to happen to me.
One day during the lowest point of my life, I just said, “Why!?” And God finally answered, “So you can hear ME better.” After that, God lead me into the deaf community where I learned sign language. Finally, I got back my joy to sing; however, it is in sign these days. The first song I learned to sign was “We Shall Behold Him,” by Sandy Patti. And during worship service one Sunday morning, another soloist and I presented that song to our congregation.
I still have moments when I miss vocally singing. I don’t have the ability to recognize pitch anymore. But, I know joy and sing in my heart. And just the other day, heard a saw a program about an artist who lost his sight. I could relate. Bad things happen to good people, but God has a plan if we listen to Him. And these days, I really do try to listen!
Beth!
First off just wanted to say I LOVE THE COLOR PINK! I think it’s the first color that God thought of when He was creating the world! Love that! Also I work at Starbucks which I know you love and cherish also, but maybe not as much as me. HAHA!
I was at LIVING PROOF LIVE in Spokane Wa! “GOD HAS SPOKANE!” My life was saved by what Jesus Christ did through our weekend together. I have grown up in a Christian home and have been nurtured and taught the ways of Jesus since I was a little girlie, now being almost 23! The last months I decided to take the reigns of life into my own hands. I fell in love with a non-christian and lived with him for quite some time. My life was takin’ a downturn for the worst. Life was beginning to become all about me and was becoming a life with no meaning and purpose anymore. My view and fire for Christ was slowly dimming. People were praying for me hard core, but I was doing my own thing and wasn’t going to listen.
BUT!, That weekend my light started to glow a again and my longing for Christ was ever so strong. I wanted my Jesus back. I’m not going to let it go! I’m gonna study and get back on course!
Please pray for my sista!
-Anna Papst
Sweet Beth, Our God is so good and mighty. He captured my heart with one test. It was a pregnancy test. I had been living a crazy life. I had many friends in the entertainment industry and thought that the world had all that I could want. God broke through my selfishness when He changed my heart with the knowledge that I was carrying a life. He broke the chains that had been holding me for years. I was able to submit my life completely to Him and He worked in miraculous, tender, and His all-powerful ways. I am so thankful for His intervention in my life and know He is worthy of all of me. I LOVE HIM SO!!! My baby is now 18 and an amazing blessing to this world. I can’t imagine life any other way than how God has woven it together.
After my Daddy’s unexpected death after a two week illness I had hid in my home but one Sunday was called by the Holy Spirit to church to refocus. As we started singing our Christmas hymns I had a sense of peace knowing my Daddy was with my Father. No pain no sorrow no illness. Those Christmas hymns had new meaning with Jesus’ birth and death for He lives and through Him we live. My mourning was turned to praise! Although still painful as this time of year is upon us and those memories are still hard, our focus is Him and not ourselves and as we serve others they see Him. I have never looked at the Christmas season the same. . .I am forever changed by His love.
This past March, my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our 2nd child. We were both thrilled! We found out at the first ultrasound that our baby had died around 9 weeks. I was completely devastated. Miscarriage has ALWAYS been a fear of mine… my mom had one and many of my close friends had experienced one as well.
My husband and I wanted to try again right away and we did. In the meantime though, while we waited, it seemed like EVERYONE around me was getting pregnant… no joke there were 5 other women in my small group that announced their pregnancies in the weeks to come and 2 others that were about to have babies. It seemed like pregnancy was in my face and that God was really trying to say something to me about it.
I became bitter, not towards God, but the fact that everyone was pregnant, except me. Then while we were doing your “Esther” study, God spoke through you, Beth. You said, “don’t wait for ‘the thing,’ wait on the Lord!” It was huge… I had been waiting to get pregnant but not waiting on God and certainly not trusting Him with all of it.
In August I became pregnant again, and unfortunately, I lost this baby too at 11 weeks. However, my outlook on it this time is completely different. At times, it’s a struggle, but I’m doing my best to continue to wait on him rather than a pregnancy.
Thank you, Beth for being willing to let God use you to teach us so much. I just love you so much!
Welcome to North Carolina!! You have many siestas here.
Oh, Beth! My most recent breakthrough moment has been in regards to believing God. Several years ago, I went through your study “Believing God” in a ladies group at my church. And I honestly felt like I did believe God, knowing that He knew me and cared/loved me. And I saw Him at work in my life. But recently I have realized that though I have believed Him, it has only been for most things…not all things.
You see, my husband and I have been separated since January 2010 due to his continued drug addiction. Throughout this time, he has been away at a faith based treatment and I have been home with our three children. I honestly thought in January that I would never be able to continue this life…the risk of a relapse ruining our lives further even if God did change him. He had tried treatment a couple time before and the betrayal/trust issues run so deep that a restoration seemed impossible. I often would say things like “If God does a miracle, maybe we coudl reconcile.”
Throughout the last 10 months, God has been whispering “believe” to me, but the hurt and anger had me barracaded for protection. But in the last month or so, God has been shouting “BELIEVE” to me over and over in various ways–counseling sessions, KLOVE radio, a chance meeting with the mother of a classmate,The Simple Wife blog, daily Bible readings, sermons, etc. God timed it perfectly because my husband has been demonstrating positive change all while God is shouting these truths to me. And though I know that addiction is a very long road and this is only the beginning, I am convinced that my unbelief is as despicable to God as my husbands addiction. I not only can believe God to provide for myself and children and give me strength to endure and to use this for good in our children. I also (most importantly) can believe Him for changing my husband, myself and bringing us into a restored relationship that will honor and glorify Him.
So, now it is not a matter of “if”, it is a matter of “when”. To God be the Glory…
After I had my son 6 weeks early, I suffered greatly from post-partum depression. Then, on December 19, 2008, while sitting in the pediatrician’s waiting room with my mom and husband for my son’s 2 month check up, it just went away. I knew it was God. I felt joy again, and I don’t know why He did it like He did. But I’m so thankful that He did!