Good morning, Siestas! I just had a malfunction on the moderation page and, when I closed down and tried to reopen, I think it may have eaten about nine comments to the previous post. I’m so sorry if yours was one of them! I hate when that happens. All four Jones and Melissa, and I are packing up and heading to North Carolina to be part of a gathering near Asheville at Ridgecrest Conference Center. We are so excited to be together and to serve together. We also can’t wait to be with Travis who is family to all of us Moore/Jones/Fitzpatricks. We wish Angela, Jack, Lily Kate, and Levi were going, too! That would be the ultimate. We’ll also have so many other friends there – a reunion of sorts in a lot of ways. Anyway, you won’t waste a prayer on any of us. We never get this thing down. We pray not to get in the way of the Holy Spirit and that the pleasure of Christ will be upon us all. The group will be smaller than our LPL gatherings which means we’ll be able to see many faces and hug lots of necks. It will be water to our thirsty souls.
OK, so it’s TUESDAY! And that means it’s time for you to talk. Here is today’s topic:
Talk to me about a memorable time in your life when God broke through your hardheartedness, doubt, numbness or bitterness (or maybe even grief) with what almost seemed like a single stroke. In other words, has there ever been a time in your life when an event, a moment, or sudden revelation was used by God to crumble a wall that had long since been in place? I’ve been mulling over how a single God-ordained moment can change an entire season. If you’ve had one of those, describe it. After so many other things hadn’t “worked,” why do you think the breakthrough came like it did? (Keep in mind, some things just remain mysteries to us.) Take your time and think it through. Let it cause you some thanksgiving while you’re at it.
I will look so forward to your answers! You are dear to me, Sisters. May Christ be continually attracted to this community we call Siestaville.
Yes! Today actually. I have had a turbulent past with my sister in law and things have been getting heated bettween family because of it and I started reading Peacemaking for Families on how to deal with the whole thing. The first thing that I saw was glorify God, and I knew that he would not want me holding grudges and to judge her, because I did not want her doing that to me. And it had been heavy on my heart for a few days now to try and fix it. So after we yelled and cried with each other we are starting over fresh with the past in the past.
Who is the author of that book? I need it now!
Sorry I didn’t ralize you could reply to these 🙂 it’s my first time here.
The author is Ken Sande with Tom Raabe
Peacemaking for Families, A Biblical Guide to Managing Conflict in Your Home
Thank you!!
Your very welcome!
How perfect is this question for today. God has broken me, broken through me, and broken through to me in so many ways over the last few years.
Today it is grief.
I am heartbroken. Last night my friend and I made the difficult decision to put my sweet dog Cindy down. Her quality of life is deteriorating and I cannot let her suffer so we will take advantage of the opportunity to make her death as peaceful as possible. We will probably take her in sometime in the next few days.
Cindy has been a great dog for 16 ½ years, and I lived alone for most of that time so as you can imagine I love that dog to pieces. We played, shared food (mine, not hers), ran, napped, she would lick my tears when I cried. She protected me for many years, and these last few years I’ve protected and cared for her.
While I am crying a lot, the fact that I am doing pretty well overall with this is solely a testament to the work God has been doing in me and his continual supply of GRACE. Idk how he does it, but I know he is helping and comforting me.
Michele I am so sorry for you sweetheart! Pets are so special to us and they truly become part of the family. Enjoy your time with Cindy and cry as much as you want! God loves you and has blessed your life by giving you your furry companion! I’ll say a prayer of strength for you!
Amber Moon
Cindy,
I am doing the big ugly cry right now. I lost my COCOANNE in April, and than my McBETH in June. So hard to come to grips with. We are moving and have come across both of there toys, and a bowl of Coco’s. I put Coco’s name tag on my key ring, and my husband has Mac’s. My prayers are with you. Please give her a hug and kiss for me. Just remember she will not be alone, God is there, and mine are waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for her to play with.
Dearest Michelle,
I am praying for you and your beloved pet Cindy. I know you love that girl of yours as if she was your own child. Sometimes people try and minimize the loss you face, saying it’s only a dog, it’s not a human. May I share a poem with you that my dear friend Kathy Collier wrote in sympathy when I had to put down my beloved pet, Lady. It gave me so much comfort, I pray you will feel that comfort too from above:
“LORD, is there a doggy heaven?
You didn’t tell us so
Then why does my heart leap?
And deep inside, ‘I know.’
All creatures of the earth
Whether large or small
Your Word relates to us
That You deeply love them all.
The cattle on a thousand hills,
The sparrow winging in the sky
You’ve put all things under Your feet
Need I ask You why?
So I’ll keep living by simple faith
And thank you for my furry friend,
Our Lady (Cindy) was a gallant lass
Right up to the very end.”
Bless you dearest Siesta with the strength, the courage and the comfort only Jesus can give…and know others care over your deep loss. Not that any dog could replace your treasured friend and companion, but consider another young puppy to bring you years of happiness and joy.
Lovingly,
Pam H.
Michele–
I only know you from reading your comments on the blog. Just from reading the comments over time I know HOW SPECIAL Cindy is to you. I am so sorry, please take comfort in the tremendous care your have given her. I just want you to know I care.
Michele, I will be praying for you. I know how special Cindy is to you. I know how hard this is, we had to put down a black lab we had for 16 years…he was the best. You will always have sweet, sweet memories of Cindy. Praying for you sweet Siesta!!
Oh my gosh Michele….I was in your shoes a few years ago. My sweet Abby. She was my sweet baby for 12 years and I had to put her down when she was 15. I was single the whole time she was mine (I mean, not married yet.) She licked my tears and listened to me gripe about my crappy boyfriends and snuggled with me in the lonely times. She was with me through it all.
This song just came on for you:-)
“YOU ARE the source of my strength. YOU ARE the strength of my life. I lift my hands in total praise..to..You.”
Hugs to sweet Miss Cindy.
Michele, I am shedding tears with you. I too have loved Cindy as she is in your photo. My heart aches along with yours. May God cover you with His feathers and under His wings may you find refuge. Psalm 91:4
Michele, My heart goes out to you. We had a similar experience more than 6 years ago, yet I can still feel like it was just yesterday. May you be comforted. And, yes, I do believe our animals will be in Heaven. After all, He created them! If not there, at least on the New Earth!
Michele,
I am SO sorry! You’re in my prayers.
Hugs to you, Michelle. Give Cindy a special love pat from her Siestas.
Will be praying for you Michele, I have read many of your posts and I believe you even replied to one of mine as I read your words today my heart breaks for you I pray that God will give you the strength to go thru this and just remember there are many of here on the blog that will be praying for you and that we love you. I have a lab and she is about 12yrs old and I know what you mean when they are there to comfort you and you have shared your food me and my dog do the same thing and she is my best friend because I am single as well and she has been my constant companion for 12yrs and we have been thru some times together.
I will pray for you.
Carol
Lord be with Michele give her the strength to get thru this Lord I pray for comfort for her as she says goodbye to her sweet Cindy give them some special moments together before the day that they take her to put her down Thank you Lord for there time together. Amen
I can”t write no more to broken and teary eyed right now.
Blessing to you sweet seista.
Carol
Michele – I am so sorry for what you’re walking through. Obviously God knew how much dogs (and cats for cat people!) would me to us. I love that about Him. How He knew that life would be that much sweeter if we could enjoy the company and love of such understanding, forgiving furry pets. I’m so glad God is pouring grace on you during this time when you say good-bye to your beloved Cindy. Blessings and tears from Alaska~
Oh Michelle, I’ve got a lump in my throat thinking about your circumstance. We have a dog who is our best buddy. I am so sorry for your loss. So sorry. May God pour out His love on you.
Jessica
Thank you so much, Siestas. I love you guys
2 days to live
http://michelencindy.wordpress.com/
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I understand the deep pain that is caused through something like this. One of our cats passed away without warning in 2007, and I was devastated. I will be praying for you and for Cindy- praying for God’s comfort and healing for you both! You are not alone- and neither is Cindy. I believe that we will see our babies again in Heaven- and my Graham is already there. A book I read recently discusses loss- although it is speaking of human loss- I believe it is applicable here as well- that “we will be with them one day, for longer than we have been without them”. I don’t think that is an exact quote as I don’t have my copy on hand- but I hope that I got it nearly right. I will be praying for you and Cindy!
Oh dear Michele,
I feel so bad for you. You were right there for me a few days ago and I JUST saw your post. I am sooo sorry. It is very hard to lose a friend, animal or not. Please know you are in my prayers. Forgive me for not reading this sooner. My daughter’s cat “RESTS” in my back yard and she misses her very much. Sending you hugs. (((hug)))
I am waiting for that break through as my son is a Marine and in Afghanistan. Our unit is taking heavy losses. I look forward to freedom from grief and anxiety.
Shawna I’ll keep you and your son in my prayers. Please tell him that Siestaville thanks him for his service!
My prayers are with at this time. So hard to sit by and wait for word. I am sorry you have to go throught this at this time in your life. My nephew will be there next year. Blessing to you and your family.
Praying, Shawna! I received a request from a friend of mine several days ago and am wondering if this is the same outfit? (“Darkhorse”, 3rd Battalion 5th Marines. They are fighting it out in Afghanistan. Pray for all our marines.) I’ll be honored to pray for your son and his buddies, they’re so important to all of us. May God protect them as they serve our country. I will also pray for you and your family as you wait at home, that you will feel God’s arms around you.
Standing in agreement with you that he rests in the shadow of the Almighty!
Shawna, I will pray for your son’s safety, and please thank him for serving our country. I will pray Psalm 91:4 for him as well.
Shawna, I have put your son on my little “prayer wall” and will lift him up daily. My husband is an army chaplain and we’re in Germany now – many soldiers coming and going near us. Bless your “mama” heart. You’re not alone, girl. Your siestas have your back.
Praying. And I love how you wrote “our” and not “his” unit. All of those units are “ours,” aren’t they? May God bless your son today, and help make him a blessing while he serves… Thank you for sharing him with all of us ~
DEarest Shawna,
You have my prayers and geniune appreciation for the price our military and families are paying for the freedom we so enjoy here in the United States. Freedom is not free! May the LORD be glorified in your son’s life and may he come safely home to a grateful country and relieved Mom and family! I pray that somehow you will receive supernatural peace even in the midst of the storm, and that this storm will pass and you will still find your feet firmly planted on the Rock that will not shake nor give way in sudden panic. May the fervant prayers of your Siestas in Siestaville for your son make a difference as we believe and trust God with you. “He answered their prayers, because they trusted in Him.” 1 Chron. 5:20b.
Lovingly,
Pam H.
Buena Park, CA
For my 50th birthday I asked my husband for the gift of an overnight trip to the beach…all.by.myself.
I had felt the hardheartedness that results for accumulated hurts for quite some time. I knew I needed to get away, just Jesus and me, and get things ironed out in my soul.
On that trip, sitting on a rock overlooking the sea, Bible and journal in hand, God met me in as real a way as He ever has. Now, close to three years later, whenever I go back to that particular area of the Oregon coast, I search out “our spot” and it’s as if He is waiting there for me. That was my Bethel moment.
Elizabeth
http://www.justfollowingjesus.com
About a year ago, I was going through one of the most difficult seasons of my life. There were many things I was sorting through and at times the pain was just about unbearable. I knew God was sovereign and good, I just didn’t feel like He was being good to me (even though He’d given me a promise years prior in Psalm 27:13-14). I could not see past the pain. I remember writing in my journal telling God that if He didn’t show up, I was going to die. Well, in His love and faithfulness, He did always show up. One time that sticks out to me is during the worship at a prayer meeting of a church I was visiting. We were singing the song, “You Are Good” (by Kari Jobe) and all of a sudden, I was just overwhelmed by the goodness of God… how His goodness, His kindness, His mercy is real and truly is forever. Jesus touched my heart that night in a special way and I experienced a new joy in Him. To this day, whenever I hear that song, my heart goes back to that moment and I am grateful to God for His goodness in my life.
John 14:27 came home to me when I was diagnosed with cancer. My husband and I immediately signed a death warrant and I wondered what memories my then three-year-old son would have of his mother. I was a wreck to say the least but as I was standing in the kitchen, God just smacked me right upside the head and said “Who is in charge here?” It was a “Duh!” moment that changed everything and the peace of the Lord came over me like never before. That was 18 years ago but I remember it as if it occurred yesterday. It changed the way I view and handle difficult circumstances.
*Lots of hugs Letty*
This one is easy. I had been in an incredible season (years) of being tortured by the enemy as it relates to my husband. Satan had me all up twisted up in a thousand vain imaginations and paranoia that I could not function. I had four small children–4, 5 and 7 at the time. Finally, I got in my car and literally screamed and cried out to the Lord to tell me the truth, that I could bear the mental torture any more. In that single moment, a heavenly wash came over me. I can still remember the heaviness falling off of me. I heard in my spirit, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” At that moment, the Lord brought to mind the truth of my husband, and all my paranoia fell away. It was an amazing experience. I have not gone back to that place, by the grace of God alone.
Hope y’all have a wonderful time!
God broke through my doubt last November when my sister accepted Jesus as her savior and became a Christian. I had basically given up, thinking that her heart would never change. God showed me otherwise; He is STILL in the business of changing hearts. I’m pressing on in praying for the rest of my lost siblings and family members.
Much love,
Adrienne
That’s wonderful, Adrienne!!! Very encouraging. I’m praying that my sister will also give her life to Christ.
I’ll be praying for your sister too… What I learned is that you should not give up, even when it seems hopeless.
Love,
Adrienne
The entire decade of my 20’s was full of an internal conflict that the enemy always seemed to win. With each passing day, I grew more and more hostile, bitter, and impatient with people; not to mention my heart slowly hardened and I used excuses like “I just can’t deal with people’s ‘stupidity’” and “I’m not my coworker’s mother” to justify the venting sessions I often laid out on friends and family.
Last fall, I started having “episodes” that I didn’t know at the time were anxiety attacks. I went to doctor after doctor for months trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I did not want to believe that I could succumb to anxiety…after all, God would never let that happen to me, right?? My 30th birthday rolled around this past May and I was so excited to get out of my 20’s I couldn’t’ stand it! Then, on the morning of my 30th birthday, the “mother” of all anxiety attacks hit, followed by another one a few days after having minor surgery, then another, and another…
Finally, God broke me to the point that I ran and jumped into his arms and haven’t left since! Through the misery of the past few months, I’ve grown closer to him than ever before and have done a “spring cleaning” on my soul. Praise God that He never gives up on us!
Romans 5:3
Amber Moon,
I feel ya sister! The same thing happened to me in my late 20’s; so much so that I dreaded driving in my car by myself being alone with my thoughts, ugh, it was awful….BUT GOD…Praise Him.
I’m SO GLAD you’re in a better season. I’m about to approach 40 and the cliche is true….you just don’t care so much about things. (And So Long Insecurity REALLY HELPED seal that deal for me! Highly recommend it 🙂
Heather,
I understand about the driving thing. I have a 35 mile commute each morning and it was just about all I could do to get myself to work. I called everyone I thought would be up at that time of the morning to talk me through the drive…whew, it was tough.
I’m definitely going to check out So Long Insecurity…I have so many Beth books and studies I want to do, I don’t know where to start! 🙂
Thanks for letting me know there’s someone else out there that’s been through the same thing! It sure does help, doesn’t it? Have a blessed day friend!
Hey Amber, since you have a drive each morning, you might enjoy Beth’s book (So Long, Insecurity) on audio CD. It’s been great for me to listen while driving…
KMac, thanks for the suggestion! That’s a great idea!
You know, I’m going through the same thing. It’s like this stuff feeds off itself! I NEVER thought I would EVER deal with anxiety, and here I am doing just that. I’m so glad you posted here, because I really needed to hear someone else is going through this too, and being victorious!
Redeemed,
I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this because it is truly just that…A BIG OL’ MAJOR STRUGGLE! I feel like God has allowed me to go through this for a reason, if only just to talk to others that are going through it too. If you want talk more, I’d love to chat with you. Are you on FaceBook? If so, look me up (blog name is my real name) and just send me a note so I’ll know to accept your friend request. I’ll be praying for you Siesta!
After struggling with major promiscuity throughout my teen’s and early 20’s I just wanted to give up on life. I sat down and asked Jesus, “Who could ever love me after all I’ve done?” Audibly I heard him say “I could and I do.” (I cry typing this.) My life was changed in that moment.
Dear S,
I think you would be blessed by Ten Avenue North’s song “You Are More”. You can listen to it on youtube or purchase it on itunes.
<3
Amber the same thing happened to me when I was turning 30. So much happened that I was spinning out of control. I went to doctor after doctor. My mother had cancer, I just got out of my marriage and things were going down hill fast. God put in front of me a wonderful man and we married right away. After my mother died the both of us started going to church and we accepted Jesus into are lifes and here we are 18 years later living for HIM. I do not have panic attacks and life is great. Just keep trusting and rely on HIM for everything.
That’s awesome Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing!!
Sweet S I praise Him!
Yes He does S! He loves you. Very. Much.
I imagine that was a very difficult thing to share…. Praying blessings on you.
Adrienne
In May 2009 a few months after my father died, the Lord prompted me to begin journaling again which I had not done since the day of dad’s funeral.
I sat in a lawn chair, feeling numb, blanking looking at the trees and flower beds when a butterfly landed on my blouse. It landed the perfect distance in which I could clearly see all the colours and patterns on it’s wings. It stayed for 10 minutes or so and returned. The 2nd time it landed, I could again see it perfectly.
I knew God was reminding me He never left me and walked with me through the veil of tears. He put that butterfly on me in the perfect spot 2 times, only He knew where I could see it since I was not wearing contacts or glasses.
God is good – ALL the time!
I’m living the moment right now, where God has miraculously broken through all my religious self-righteousness, and brought me to my knees in humility, and tears, crying out to the Only One who can ever bring wholeness.
Just yesterday morning, my dearest friend of 30 years called me and offered me a cup of cool water, after she told me in no uncertain terms how I had hurt her. Grace never tasted more wonderful…(And all the time, I was thinking I had helped her…only after not hearing from her in so many days and my several calls asking her to call me at her earliest possible convienence I was sure my mouth had gone and done it this time!) Just so happens,today in our Women’s Ministry we are finishing up our Fall Study of Faithful, Abundant and True, that you, Priscilla and Kay so faithfully gave all we hungry and searching hearts. Amazing things happens when circumstances, events, relationships, timing and God’s Word at work are unlocked before your very eyes! I am a living testimony to the fact that I have been brought to a place of humility that I have never experienced before in my life! God knows, my husband has tried and tried to “get through” to me on this very same subject. In his male lingo he tried, but to me it only sounded like he was being judgmental. (God bless him…he tried!) Because of the F.A.T. study, I realized my lack of discernment and my emotional zeal, translated to an abundance of the flesh at work in my life: “Looks like Jesus, sounds like Jesus, it just a’int Jesus!” Yes, this was a deliverance of God’s making and I can say with a whole heart “Love finds a way!” I feel like I am in a wide and spacious place now, and I can breathe. I’ve made amends to those I love and see more clearly the path of co-dependency and where it led me. My need to “fix” people has been laid at the feet of Jesus, and I want you to know how thankful and grateful I am to our Wonderful LORD and Master, who knows exactly how to bring about the deliverance I so desperately needed yet didn’t even realize how deceived I had been! “God is a God of deliverances and to Him belongs the escape from death, setting us free!” I’m giving a shout out:”Give the LORD all the glory!” Also, I’m praising the LORD for the way He uses you powerful and anointed handmaidens from the LORD, who spoke my language, so I could hear and see and turn to Him in wholehearted humility, and deep repentance, pouring contempt on all my pride. To God be the glory, great things He hath done!
Lovingly in Him,
Pam H.
Buena Park, CA
My husband and I went through a two year process of stepping down from ministry and leaving a church that we planted with our very best friends. (We planted the church twelve years ago, but prior to that had been ministering with the same couple for 7 years as a part of another ministry.) Our decision to leave was based on what we believed God was leading us to do; it had everything to do with trying to serve our children in the best way we knew how. Our best friends released us from the ministry and from the church, and from their lives as well. I was in a terrible state of grief, and tried several times to communicate with my friend, but she was just having a very hard time as well, and basically wanted to be left in the care of the Father. I respected her, and decided not to pry, but instead told her I loved her, I would always love her, and I’d be there for her once her heart was ready to resume our friendship. We live in a small town and whenever I’d see her, which surprisingly wasn’t very often, I was friendly and loving. We didn’t talk from January to May. In May I asked permission to take their 15 year old daughter out to lunch. (I’m her only “Aunt”, and I didn’t want her to think I left her life just because I left her church!) It was the weekend of my best friends birthday and when I went to pick up her daughter, my best friend surprised me and asked if she could join us. It was a great lunch, I felt a bridge being build between us again, which was great. Three weeks later my husband and I were at a soccer game and my husbands phone rang. It was our best friends calling, they were about forty minutes away from home and they received news that their house was on fire, they asked us to go there to see what was going on. We arrived to their home before they got there and saw it was already too late…the home was totally engulfed and was a total loss. We were there when they pulled up in their van, and never left their sides for days. Our friendship was instantaneously restored. (All of the grief of almost six months was immediately gone for both of us.)
I don’t believe God started the fire and burned their house down, but I do believe he allowed it, for reasons we may never know. (It was ruled a probable electrical fire, the house was only five years old!) While I would never wish that kind of devastation on anyone, and would rather have been restored to my friend in a different way, there IS beauty that came from the ashes.
Sorry this is so long, I usually try to keep it concise. 🙂
Love,
Teri
the time is now this very minute. tears are pouring down my cheeks.i am in a public library and dont care that they are. my fingers can’t type fast enough. im a day away and supposed to have been in ridgecrest 2 days ago and have my truck parked out in the parking lot of this library in wv where my last hope dropped away from me when i made a phone call to a woman whom was supposed to be helping me but raged and cussed me out instead for reaching out to her in my crisis of Need, and now today- it has been one heck of a wild ride in the 2 years since but i was just out there in the same parking lot to make another phone call this time to ridgecrest to cancel my reservation for this thing this week- and couldnt do so… i prayed about it but didnt know what to do and still dont know but just could not make the call cause felt i supposed to be where i dont know that i can get to now and dont know if can pay for cause truck broke down and has been in garage tore apart for 2weeks and just got it out last night and tooth broke this morning and i went north instead of south but still!!! in my doubt, in my fear, in my indecision where i want to be is there not here. and thank you for saying sorry for deleting me.
My husband and I recently went through a separation that lasted two months. We had been married nine months when he left. I was absolutely devastated. I was everything you named. Hardhearted, numb, bitter and grieving. I doubted God’s power and His promises He had given me.
I was humiliated. I was ashamed. I was so afraid of my future.
I was sitting in my car when I read this scripture…
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband — the LORD Almighty is his name — the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit — a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.” Isaiah 54:4-6
I bawled like a baby. I just broke down. I knew in that moment that my God truly was a God who knows us intimately. That scripture was there for me for that moment. It was a huge revelation – that GOD was my companion and husband and that He would always return, no matter what.
And guess what?! My husband came home. : )
I’m having such a God moment reading everyone’s comments. Thanks Beth! I like to read the first days and then I try to stay away from blog land and open God’s Word more…these are going to be hard to resist!
Andrea! I am so happy and joyful for you. I love love your scripture and God’s faithfullness.
It’s one of the reasons I am in such a season of my own…
I realized I haven’t been completely honest with myself. I let it go that there was still more that God had to deal with me. I’m grateful for the people God places in our lives to really make us deal with ourselves; and its plain ROUGH but I think you said somewhere during Breaking Free, how we need to let everything out in the open with God so He can deal with it and it doesn’t become a stronghold…its not going to hold me down anymore, this time I am in stinks…but this is a time of healing…I need to go through it, there is no running from it.
It involves much more then I’ll say here, but God’s working.
I was going to add to this in a whole paragraph, but instead I put it on my blog, because I can’t be the only one going through it. 🙂 http://littlestepsoffaith.com/2010/11/11/lsof-my-letter-to-god/
This will be hard to keep short.
I was a single mom after divorce. Gotten myself together got a job, and was moving forward.
I loved working. I loved the sense of providing and also the value that I took in doing my job well.
Shortly before my 2nd marriage God called my job to a end. I was surprised but kept pushing forward to find another, took a little extra schooling to upgrade my skills. Got plently of interviews always was the 2nd in line for the position. Prayed without ceasing that the door would open and my new job would arrive.
Got re-married in the meantime. Kept my eyes on the ads, put word of mouth out. Had every person I knew praying. Still Nothing.
God do you hear me? And He answered ‘stay home’. My sons were late teens and almost grown, they didn’t need a full-time mom. “STAY HOME”.
We struggle on 1 income. We have had times of soup and bread. We got behind on bills. Ok Lord I am ready to go, send me out to help out. Months turned to years. Off and on I would pray Lord send me to work. I knew His opinion, but surely He did not mean it. I would just sneek and send out a couple resumes. Once I got the job I would dance and sing and shout PRAISES for the job. But nothing.
I struggled, some times I was greatful for the stay home, but more often then not, knowing how hard we were at crisis time and again, I was anxious. I would feel at peace and then tormented again. Every time an unexpected expense came – I panicked and started to feverishly pray for a job.
This fight went on for 7 years.
This past October 19th God came to me spoke through Cynthia Herald’s book “Becoming A Woman of Purpose”; He spoke through her moment of reflection: “In the particular trial I had been going through, the Lord seemed to draw a line and ask me if I would trust Him unconditionally. There were to be no promises or guarantees that I would LIKE the outcome.” – Breakthrough – I knew this was for my struggle, I prayed for repentance and the 7 year struggle ended. I am a Stay at Home wife & mom, because the Lord brought me here.
2 weeks after that moment I got another Word from God that confirmed; I was doing the Revelation study of yours Beth and you said “God has something to place into your trust”.(session 2). Again he spoke directly ‘Home’ is my trust. I am busy with thanksgiving for His trust in me, by living my best at trusting HIM.
I still do not know why, but I don’t care anymore all I want to do is be obedient to His trust.
Sorry for the length, didn’t know how to shorten a 7 year fight. (Started October 10th 2003).
This happened for me several months ago. I had some things in my past that I carried a lot of guilt and regret over. For several years I would beat myself up over this…got to the Lord and ask forgivness once again and then continue the cycle all over. I continually felt the Lord telling me “Hello, East from the West…I don’t know what you are talking about!!” But I continued on. Then several months ago our Ladie Bible Study class done Priscilla Shirer’s “Discerning The Voice Of God”. In one of the chapters, I think 13, she spoke about the difference between conviction and condemnation. God used this to really open my eyes. All those years Satan had been using guilt and condemnation to beat me up. Not anymore though, now when I feel him accuse me, I can say that there is now no condemnation because I am in Christ Jesus!! Now stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Devil!!
I started walking with the Lord when I was 15, and for the first year and a half, everything was great. I just felt filled with light, and my life was so changed. But then I started to walk back into sin. It was a sin that I had walked in before I knew the Lord, but somehow, this time it affected me more deeply. When I first came to the Lord, I accepted His forgiveness for that sin, but when I sinned that way after knowing Him, I just couldn’t seem to accept His forgiveness. I entered a period of terrible depression, in my senior year of high school. I had no idea why I was so distraught; I kept trying to find different reasons for it, different ways to fix it. I must be overwhelmed and stressed; or I haven’t been exercising enough; or I’m just ready to graduate high school and move on. Finally, one day, I came across a book I was given by my youth pastor for Christmas and sat down to start reading it. I don’t remember what the author said, but the Lord spoke to my heart, saying “I am holy, and I have forgiven this sin. You don’t have the right to keep hating yourself for it. Let it go.” And I broke down in tears, and FINALLY accepted the forgiveness He had been offering me. It was the first time I really understood His amazing grace. My life was unquestionably changed after that.
If y’all could please lift me up in your prayers today I’d really appreciate it. Having a hard time being the wife and mommy God has made me in this season, just struggling real bad with broken relationships in our extended family and not feeling like we have friends or support to fit in with in our church community. Thanks very much!
R I am praying for you! Father I do not know the details of the struggles in R’s life. I do know Lord You will cover her with Your feathers, and under Your wings R can find refuge. Father, Your faithfulness will be R’s shield and rampart as she faces each day. I give You honor, praise, and glory Father for all You do in our lives. In Jesus Name I pray and praise Amen.
Psalm 91:4
praying for you right now that the Lord will shower you with a special friend. I know how lonely that can be.
Praying that the Lord will surround you with people that will love and support you through this. Praying that He will show you who you are through Him. Be encouraged that you’re not alone. The Holy Spirit would love to be the one to fill in those holes in your heart. Rest in Him sister…Rest in Him!
Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. God did this to me when I had just finished up my Sophomore year in High School. I was in a public high school and was trying desperately to fit in, and doing lots of things to do just that.
One night we had some company at our house and we watched a movie, (I was allowed to watch it because I was older, but my other two siblings, I think were in bed)
~ You know how it is when you’re a teenager and SUPER emotional…well, in my family, all us girls are SUPER emotional, anyways, but you add crazy hormones and growing up…YIKES! ~ So, at the end of this movie, I watched as all these students “stood up for” their teacher. They respected him and he was being treated unfairly, so they literally stood up for him. I still can’t really explain it, but God shook me. I was so overwhelmed with their respect, love and determination for this teacher…God literally said to me, “If they can do that for a teacher, a human, why can’t you do just even a little of that for ME?” I still can’t tell you why God used (what seems like) such a small and trivial thing as a movie to shake me to my inmost and wake me up, but He did. He changed my life, and not just for a season. I heard His voice so audibly (in my head) and it convicted me to my core. He has never let me turn back! So, SO THANKFUL to God!!!
In the midst of a massive battle with depression, one day, I was driving in my car, and I felt God asking me, “Will you live the life I ask you to?” I burst into tears and said, “Yes, Lord.” From that moment on, the depression lifted. It was as if I was carrying all that sadness because I hated what my life looked like. It wasn’t what I planned. But when I surrendered to Jesus in that moment, I was free. My life looks TOTALLY DIFFERENT than the glamorous, wealthy, famous life I imagined. It’s simple and pure. Here’s an example: http://livewithflair.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-have-announcement.html
A few months ago my husband and I decided to step down from leading our small group at church and hand it over to others, for a lot of prayerfully considered reasons. We were asked to join a different group to give the new leaders time to make it their own without feeling in our shadow, but the other group for our age group I have a difficult history with.
For weeks I was cold and bitter about being in this new group and grieving what we had left and feeling guilty for having stepped down. I didn’t contribute, didn’t participate and came away each week tired and empty. One week the leader prayed at the beginning that we would know God’s presence and a light came on and I said, God, help ME to be present here. I can only do that in your strength.
I opened my eyes and it felt like a burden had been lifted. I felt love for the others in the group, I was inspired and challenged by the message, I contributed, listened, discussed. It might not sound like much but it was a crucial moment for me in submitting to God’s plans for me, not my own.
page 36 of A Woman’s Heart, God’s Dwelling Place — I had a life changing encounter with my Jehovah-Rapha on the banks of Marah.
My first Beth Moore bible study ever, just 3 years ago.
My sister had not spoken to me in almost 2 years, had taken up with my ex-husband and his new wife in her anger with me over our father, and I had so much bitterness in my heart I couldn’t even think straight. Literally. I had a ‘this isn’t fair’ and ‘why me’ mentality about everything. My bitterness with how unfairly I’d been treated by my own sister was consuming me.
I remember where I was sitting and what time it was when I read the bottom of page 36 and top of page 37 in my bible study book. The words in that paragraph hit me so hard that I have tears now just remembering the release He gave me at that moment. It was instantaneous in my heart. In my weeping, the bitterness was gone, and I suddenly had a heart full of unexplainable forgiveness.
Do you know, my sister still didn’t speak to me for another whole year and a half, but I loved her through all that time. I was able to reach out, show love, turn the other cheek… and all with a peaceful heart. All because of what God showed me in that one paragraph of a bible study you’d written 10 years earlier. I praise the Lord for His intervention in my bitterness that night. He changed my life and the way I look at things that happen that aren’t fair. and I’ve been able to counsel so many friends and acquaintances through their own bitternesses since then, because of what I had come through and overcome. Thank you Siesta Mama, for letting God use you to start the dominoes falling down.
I read Beth’s book “When Godly People Do Un-godly Things” straight through in one sitting. It opened my eyes to an extremely dangerous relationship I was involved. The Lord spoke to me through that book and the Scripture passages that are in it. I was able to completely end that relationship and the Lord has guarded my heart since that day.
I continue to thank Him for that grace.
The funny thing – a friend just happened to see the book on sale that day and picked it up. She thought I might like it. I think the Lord planned it all!
sister lynn, a group of girls and i are starting the wgpdut study tonight. i’m psyched (even more so now)!
Three cheers for this important book! I got bamboozled this weekend by a crazy, out-of-the-blue sort of invitation to sin (in my mind) and once I caught my breath and had a conversation with the Lord about it – I straightaway thought of WGPDUT. I need to get it down off the shelf, dust it off and have myself a refresher course. Hope the study is fruitful on lots of fronts ~
I went through a difficult time several years ago…a time of major doubt, even though God had always been so faithful to me. I wasn’t doubting Him this time, I was doubting ME. I was self-absorbed because I felt like a failure. I compared myself to other Christian women my age and always came up short. After many months, I finally confided in a dear friend that I felt like a failure. She gently agreed with me and added, “God has known all along you are a failure. He’s just been waiting for you to figure it out. You had to get to the end of all your effort to be good so that you could learn how to trust Him completely.”
Those words set me free from self condemnation. Then I read Romans 6-8, which opened my eyes to the reality that I am no longer a slave to sin! All I had to do was learn total surrender to Him. Surrender is not a one time thing! It’s something I have to do at least on a daily basis. See Romans 6:11-14.
Beach Bug, what a rare treasure of a friend you have. It may shock some people when others agree with our admitting we’re a failure, worth nothing, lost, depraved souls etc., but in fact without our heavenly Father that is just what we are. How refreshing to hear someone admit the truth, but also interject the Truth of who Christ has made us to be in Him. We don’t have to stay in our humanity. He loves us so and He has made us new. Loved your post.
Amen! Thanks
He is helping me to face the stronghold of fear in my life…precipitated by some challenges one of my children is facing.
So many times I try to find ways to avoid anything that will cause me (or others close to me, I am a big “fixer”) any kind of pain because I am afraid to face it, but He is really helping me to set some healthy boundaries with my emotions. I, and those I love, can face our hard times with His help!
The truth of His word promises that He is with me and will help me no matter what I face!
What wonders I have seen God do in my life in the past two years! I had been praying and crying about the state of my marriage for a couple of months. Most of my prayers and tears centered around why my husband worked so many hours, why he was never home, why he was neglected me and our children. I had prayed asking God to change him, to heal my marriage.
One day, sitting on my bed, crying and praying the same thing; God cut through my tears and my self-righteousness in a matter of minutes. He gave me a list of seven things I had done that had greatly contributed to the difficulties and distance in my marraige. I grabbed my notebook and wrote them all down with tears streaming down my cheeks. As I looked at the list I could see that He was right.
Turning a page in that notebook, I began a letter of love and apology to my husband. I outlined the many ways I had hurt him in the past and apologized. I promised to begin to change those areas and do my best to help heal the damage I had caused.
A week of confusion followed. My husband seemed lost by my confession and appeal for forgiveness. I changed my actions immediately and followed through on my promises. I began to be the wife God was calling me to be. At the end of that week, my husband confessed to an affair he’d been having.
I believe God cut through my hard heart toward my husband at just that point in time to prepare me for what I was about to learn. I believe God cut through my husband’s hardened heart through my actions. I can’t explain so that you’ll understand. It was still horrifically painful, but not devastating.
It has been almost two years, and I have a relationship with my husband that it unlike any I could ever have imagined. There is still pain, there will be. God has tenderly, graciously held us close and drawn us closer to Him and to each other during this time. We both have a relationship with God unlike any we could have ever imagined.
I thank God for His perfect timing.
Penny, I have a bit of a similar story, in some ways, to what you shared. It so blessed me to read your post. God is sweet to us, isn’t He? Even (and especially) in the middle of hard revelations. So glad to hear your marriage is doing well. A lot changed in my life when I decided to simply enjoy – really enjoy – my man for who he is. Not for who he might be one day. Just for who he is today.
I’ve probably said this before, but God did a lot in me at the last LPL for Minister’s Wives in Nashville. And to be honest, I hadn’t gone with very high expectations. I was excited to see some good friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and that was about the extent of it. I had been in a very spiritually trying time in my life, and in an effort to hit “content”, I had resolved myself to being ok with being miserable, missed the mark of contentment, and was becoming complacent and bitter. This had been years in the making.
What I didn’t know is that I had previously been spiritually spoiled. And God had brought me to my unspoiling place. I didn’t realize what a critical point I was at until after the fact, but I was in a very dangerous place that, thanks to God’s grace, turned into the launching point for one of the greatest times of spiritual growth in my life.
Beth talked a lot that weekend about trading out of one bondage and into another one. That’s what I had been doing. That was an “aha” moment for me. But what really REALLY got me was being ushered into the holiness of God in worship be our sweet friends. I couldn’t even sing most of the time, I was just a mess of tears (and I hadn’t worn waterproof mascara either).. His holiness just overwhelmed me, and it was good. And I was very convicted. And ever changed.
Toward the beginning of the conference, Beth had us define our previous way of life before Jesus really God a hold of us. Not necessarily before salvation, but before God really did a big work in our lives. Mine was: Fearful child, scared of messing up. Toward the end of the conference she had us come up with 6 words that described why we believe that God brought us to the conference. Mine was this:
WORSHIP ME WITH ABANDON. REMEMBER ME.
I think it “worked” this time because I didn’t feel isolated… or at least I failed to care anymore about appearances. I felt understood, and I was poured into by friends I greatly respect, whom God knew I would listen to. But most of all, I think it worked because it was just His perfect timing.
Beautiful Becca, I felt each word.
When I was a sophomore in college, my parents handed me a little brochure for a program in Colorado Springs called the Focus on the Family Institute. At the time, I was enjoying my classes, enjoying my friends, and I was dating a guy who very much swept me off my feet. I took the brochure, but pretty much told my parents, “Hey, great idea, but maybe after I graduate.”
Fast forward about four months. The beginning of my junior year was absolutely disastrous. The guy who swept me off my feet swept me under the rug. I had extremely tedious classes. And I suddenly found myself in the sites of an off-his-rocker stalker. I spent a lot of time literally flat on the ground, weeping, begging God for a reason to keep living. I couldn’t walk outside by myself without being afraid of who might be hiding in the bushes. I couldn’t walk to class without seeing my ex. My heart really, really hurt. I had no idea what to do next. All I wanted to do was get out of there.
Suddenly, it occurred to me: Colorado! It was far away from school. I looked up the program my parents had told me about online and applied. I heard back on Thanksgiving when they called to tell me I had been selected as an alternate, which meant I was on the waiting list, but couldn’t plan to leave since it wasn’t a sure thing. I figured I was stuck and didn’t think a whole lot of it after that and spent a lot of time trying to survive.
One week before Christmas I got another phone call. A few people had dropped out. I was in. And I needed to pack all of my belongings, drop all my classes, and show up in Colorado (1600 miles away from where I was) in less than a month. My friends thought I was crazy, but when I cried as I told them I had to do it, they knew it was the right thing to do.
I am 100% positive God gave me the opportunity five years ago to turn my life around. I never would have chosen to leave school on my own (I did return after my semester at the Focus on the Family Institute to graduate). I never would have chosen to go to Colorado. I never would have been willing to take that risk had God not allowed that time of depression and bitterness and hurt in my life, and then graciously given me somewhere to go. God came through in a big way for me.
I can honestly say, the moment I chose to leave everything I knew and move 1600 miles away was a complete game-changer for me. Because of that choice, I have been able to work for some fabulous people, I forged a lifelong relationship with my best friend, I met my husband, and I’ve been given numerous opportunities I wouldn’t have known otherwise.
I moved back to CO the day after I graduated, and honestly, it’s difficult. I’m not a fan of the snow or the 1600 miles between me and my family. But every time I start to feel distressed, I force myself to look back and remember God’s plan for my life. He put me here for a reason five years ago. And I’m here for a reason now. I’d never be able to digest that had He not taken me on my crazy journey five years ago.
Loved your story, Ashley. You are a good writer. Does God use that gift in your profession; or somehow in your life? I hope so. Thanks for sharing…
As I desperately wait for a desperately needed breakthrough, this I recall to my mind with hope: The Lord’s lovingkindness indeed never cease, His compassions never fail. Great is His faithfulness. For those of us waiting on You, Father, I ask You for a powerful work in us even today for Your glory alone. I pray this in the mighty name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
joining you in that prayer, sister!
I believe God used the event of my 2 year anniversary yesterday to break down my walls of selfishness. I have struggled my whole life, on and off, with having high expectations on special occasions and those expectations are never met and I have tended to wallow in self pity for the rest of the day and the “special occasions” are usually ruined, because of my disappointment. God used yesterday to fully open my eyes to see how each time I’m wrapped up in myself. He spoke very boldly that I have no right to put myself first and that I need to place my husband above myself and give up my selfish desires all together. These truthful words may seem so simple and I’ve heard them my whole life, but for some reason God used yesterday to wake me up and give me hope that I don’t have to walk around with these chains of self pity for the rest of my life. I don’t have to continue ruining special moments, because I don’t get what I want. I am called to be thankful and to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not only look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4
God is breaking my heart for what breaks his. I am learning to draw closer and closer to him through my grief. God has been revealing himself to me and it is beautiful. The wonderful revelation, or beautiful reminder, to me is that this life I am living is for Him and Him alone. When I wake up in the morning I get to praise him and worship all day long in everything I’m doing whether it be driving in the car, shopping at Target, getting ready, reading my Bible, jumping up and down singing and worshiping with our three year old, loving on my friends and neighbors. Through the trials I am so ever thankful that He has given me new life and my strength can be found in Him! The Lord has given me great joy!
Music is a huge part of my life and some songs that have been my heart’s cry are: Revelation Song sung by Kari Jobe, Whom Shall I Fear (Lincoln Brewster w/ Kari Jobe), The Greatness of our God (Hillsong), Known (Audrey Assad).
Actually yesterday! For a while now, about a year & 1/2 now. Dealing with my parent’s financial problems, and their decisions have left me and other family members feeling drained, or perhaps like me, untrustful. Yesterday another decision regarding money came up. And before making any decision, I went to God about it, and you know what he let me know that this wasn’t just about me. But about Him. I then realized it was a trial to test my faith. And I passed by going to him, and by lifting the situation to God. I guess what I’m saying is, I questioned why God had me involved, and why this was challenging for me to handle, and I realized I was part of something that may be bad now, but I need to trust God in what He is doing. And I am. And by the way, the situation is being resolved in a peaceful, and accepted way. Praise God, for he hears our prayers! In these hard times emotionally, God has given me the answer. Hope in his promise to protect me, and guide me. I have to see the bigger picture, that God works things for good, and good will come of this whether it be the shaping of my faith, character, or just the blessing of helping/loving one another. I’m feeling a lot better of whatever else might come in the series of my parent’s issues. And before I end this, I would like to praise God for giving my husband the strength to take control of the situation yesterday when I couldn’t. I am truly blessed, and very thankful for my husband. (Recently married April 2010, BTW :D)
My relationship with God had been at a standstill. I wasn’t going any deeper with Him, and I was frustrated for a number of reasons. I felt like He should give me the things I asked for because I was a good person trying to follow Him.
How did I realize He is good regardless? I got pregnant and lost my child at 10 weeks.
How can I say God is good? Because He’s been so close to me during this time. There is no standstill in that relationship now.
I wrote about it a little bit here: http://alifeinordinary.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-i-love-about-life.html
For me, He changes my perspective in a swift stroke when I begin to faithfully intercede for others. It is an unexpected surprise for me every time, when I begin to pray for the one who is afraid to lose a child or spouse or who is without a job or the one who repeatedly is hurting me, that I find my hard-heartedness melts away into a soft heart once again. I want to be soft clay in His Hands–no matter what it takes. I tell Him Yes, in advance. Do what it takes, Lord.
My husband and I had been unable to have children, and wanted to become parents DESPERATELY. My husband ALWAYS has his heart wide open, and kept suggesting that we adopt. But, for lots of reasons, I was terrified of that option… and I fought him every single time he brought it up. Finally, after my patient husband allowed me to exhaust all of MY options, I went to bed one night in tears… frustrated, angry, and worn out. I prayed, “God, I DO NOT want to adopt… I’m just being honest. So, if that’s what You want me to do, You’re going to HAVE to change my heart. You’re going to have to give me my husband’s heart for adoption.” The next morning, I was listening to some praise and worship on my way to work. The lyrics were “All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans… I surrender these into Your hands.” And that was it. Walls CRASHED down. I bawled the rest of the way to work (wishing I could skip work and drive STRAIGHT to an adoption agency) and called my husband as SOON as I got there. When I told him what God had just done, he said, “Michelle, I was JUST praying for you about this!” Today, we have a four year old boy who God placed in our family through adoption when he was just six weeks old. I can’t even begin to tell all that God has taught me, really our entire family, through this little boy. I love him, and I love my God…who broke my heart in the sweetest way.
Oh Michelle, I so loved your beautiful, honest story. Thank you for sharing.
i love this michelle. thanks for sharing <3
Wonderful story!!! I’m praying that my hubby will one day allow the Lord to do a work in his regarding adoption too.
For many years I struggled with the whole concept of God’s grace. (I read several books, prayed about it, went to a counselor but….) I believed but I couldn’t fully grasp that God could really love me that much. We were going thru a very difficult time in our family and ministry and I felt that God was so very distant from me. Some coworkers in a prayer group that I participated in were talking about an event called “Walk to Emmaus” that their churches were sponsoring and one of them asked if my husband and I would be interested in attending. Since this gave me an opportunity to get away for a 3 day weekend, I immediately said yes. During the second evening we were reading a prayer and the one line just jumped out at me, “if we reject his gift of grace….” It was like the curtains parted and I suddenly realized that it was me who was distant not God, it was me who hadn’t really accepted his gift of grace. Thru that and the love poured out on me that weekend by the host staff, I truly grasped the whole concept of God’s grace. That was nearly 15 years ago and while it hasn’t been an easy path, God has been with me every step, every turn. I praise the Lord for the wonderful gift he has given us all, His Grace!!!
so my breakthrough was shortly after my daughter was born. i was doing one of beth’s studies at church (i think it was stepping up???) and we were learning about enoch and methuselah. i read that enoch walked with the Lord after the birth of methuselah. it was the littlest thing but it changed my life. i had a been a lukewarm christian since childhood. i knew the Lord was worthy, but i guess i didn’t think i was worth it or could make any kind of real difference in the kingdom of God. but once i had my daughter, God showed me that there was a lot at stake and it wasn’t too late to follow after him with my whole heart.
I didn’t have to think much on this one. It came instantly to mind. The hardest part is working up the courage to say it…
By the time I was 19, I had built a hard, protective shell around my heart. I was one tough chick and proud of it! During my young adult years, my life was spent jumping from one pit into another. At one point, I found myself pregnant and in a relationship with a man I knew I didn’t love. So, I had an abortion…pregnancy just didn’t fit into my plan so I just “took care of it” and moved on. When I look at these words on paper now, I am in agony over how that sounds…but that is where my heart was. Cold. Numb. Dead.
Some years later, I married (32 years now) and after giving birth to my oldest son, God began to speak. One day, as I was holding my baby, marveling at the miracle of life, the most vivid image came to me of the child whose life I had terminated. I could literally see him standing there in his Levis…he would have been 7. My heart instantly broke in half. The pain was incredible. All of the feelings I had never allowed myself to feel came flooding in…overwhelming grief, crippling remorse and a deep, deep shame. And for the first time in years, I wept.
Beth, I love it when you say you know that God can do miracles because you are one. Well, I know it too, because so am I!! He took my bitter, hardened, proud, numbed heart and, in an INSTANT, broke it in two and transplanted it with one that is more tender, more loving, more sensitive and most certainly humbled. He has walked me through the most miraculous healing process with His Love and Mercy close by my side. I often wonder why God chose to chase someone like me down the way He did, but I am certain…I KNOW… that He loves me, He forgives me, He has a purpose in ALL the things that have happened in my life. There just aren’t words to express how thankful I am for that.
you are loved here ginny. thanks for sharing. i can’t wait until you get to hug your sweet boy in heaven. we are so unworthy, aren’t we?
Wow. I’ve got chills on this one. God’s amazing. So powerful. Thanks for sharing, Ginny.
Jessica
Thank you so much for sharing Ginny.
Blessings,
michelle
Ginny God loves you so much! Thank you for sharing your story with us Siestas!
This summer, I had just wrapped up leading my third Beth Moore Bible Study and Sunday School study. Out of the blue I learned that I was going to have to have a hysterectomy. I had never had surgery, and at the age of 67, I was still scared to turn my life over to another person. I told my surgeon after the operation that I had been all prayed up, and my friends had prayed for me, but I was still afraid to have him operate on me. He said to me, ” I want you to know that I prayed for you, too.”
I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this 35 year old robotic surgeon who had the courage to speak his mind freely to me. He said he used to not pray for his patients, but now he does, and he feels so much better.
When I got home from that conversation, the Lord gave me the most wonderful verse that verified the power of His Word. Hebrews 4:12- “For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
I’ll never be the same again. I now realize the the Lord was my surgeon and I am to rely on His Word as much as I rely on the air going in and out of my lungs.
One morning in the first few months of my marriage, I was on my knees in the living room, trying to read Scripture and pray but mostly just crying and feeling sorry for myself because “nobody really loved me.” In other words, my selfish, unrealistic expectations of marriage were not being met.
After a while of this, my husband walked in, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, and said, “I just had the strangest dream. We were at a church I’ve never seen, and a man we don’t know walked up to you and handed you a note. You unfolded the paper, and it said, ‘Jesus loves you.'”
The mystery and grace of it took my breath away. Or knocked the wind out of me. Maybe both.
A few years ago, I was having a hard time forgiving a family member who had made life harder for all of us in a number of ways. I was just so sick of paying for someone else’s bad choices. At one point, I said to God, “Why should I have to suffer for someone else’s sins?” At that moment, I realized just Who I had said that to. I certainly didn’t have a vision, but I was hit with a sudden mental picture (very clear) of Christ carrying His cross and saying, “If any man come after me, he must deny himself take up his cross and follow me.”
What I realized in that moment is that following Jesus sometimes does mean bearing the cost of others’ sins so that God can redeem a circumstance through us. Not that we atone, but that He atones and makes us vessels of His forgiveness. I can’t say that I saw any amazing miracle in my family after that, but it did change me, and I was able to forgive because I saw forgiveness as something I gave to Christ, not to the person who had wronged me.
What you just wrote hit me like a nail between the eyes….
Thank you
Just this morning! A single stroke revelation from Him on the women he placed in my life, I listed them as faith heros starting with my mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, sister in laws and friends. I am currently studying A Heart Like His and one of Beth’s questions was who is your faith hero? As I started writing them down, I just started crying and giving thanks for the women in my life in a way I have never done before. In an instant, I had a whole new appreciation and respect for each one of them.
Mine came on the Sunday morning after Deeper Still Nashville. Our music leader had asked me to play a special that morning & I wasn’t really wanting to. I knew what God wanted me to play, but I didn’t want to play it. But as I ironed my husbands clothes I heard God as audible as I ever had. You see, my friend & I were in the lobby as you & a group of ladies talked & took pictures. My friend said go on, get yours taken too. I said no, I want my picture take with her all by myself or not at all. LOL. So as i ironed that morning, He said, “I want all of you or none of you.” He repeated what I had said. Talk about life changing. I remind myself quite often of that feeling & that He does want all of me or none. Not just part, not just when I need Him, but all the time & all of me.
Many years ago, I was an unfaithful wife. I was miserable in my marriage, because I was always looking for a perfect man. I eventually left my husband with the intention of marrying someone else. My heart (as you can imagine) was hard and my ears were closed to the voice of the Lord. When we separated, my husband retreated to my parents home and immediately began crying out for our marriage. He prayed day and night. He layed prostrate on the floor, storming the throne room of heaven for hours. The Lord sent a word through a distant friend that took him to 1 Samuel 30 where David pursued his enemies and won back everything he had lost…plus more.
Thankfully, my husband grabbed ahold of that word and pursued! We were only separated for 10 days, but those 10 days brought much destruction. I filed legal proceedings against him and it just looked so hopeless to him. In my heart our marriage was over. BUT God…one night I was mopping the floor and out if the clear blue I prayed, “Lord, show me the true heart of this other man.” Beth, my heart was hard. That prayer only came as a result of my husband’s fervent prayer and the Holy Spirit breaking through the hardness. Within 24 hours, the Lord showed me the true intentions of this other person and directed me to bring my husband home. I obeyed because even through a hard heart, I could not deny the work of the Lord.
Today, we have been married 17 years and we have a very powerful testimony that is used to minister to many other marriages. More importantly, we stopped a generational curse of divorce from forming in our family. We have a healthy and whole family. We have a beautiful marriage. We are blessed!
I have always had a very strained relationship with my mother and when I turned 25 and had my second child, a daughter, I hurt all over again not having a mother I could trust and confide in about things. I prayed like crazy thinking she would “come around” and I would have that mom/daughter relationship. That wasn’t to be and nearly 10 years later still hasn’t changed. But God has healed my heart. He gave peace and knowledge about the situation and has blessed my relationship with my daughter beyond measure. I refuse to all the generational sins to be passed on any longer.
THE CYCLE ENDS HERE!
Amen! I’ve had to break that same cycle. Thanks for sharing.
Shannon, It was an empowering moment to see that God was opening my eyes to be willing to end it. SO glad for that!
Oh my….
Yesterday we buried my sweet friend, Janice. (Beth, you may not remember, but after your stay in MD Anderson, I told about her and you said you would be praying for her. That meant so much.)
She fought hard up to the end, and even though people say she “lost her battle” with cancer, SHE WON THE WAR. Hallelujah.
Her funeral took place back in my hometown, a place I have built a wall around to protect myself from horrible memories. If I could have physically burned a bridge to it, I would have. It’s been so hard to think about going back there….and YET….yesterday God worked miracles for me. People I have been afraid of running in to for years were there,people I have imagined hate me and think terrible things about me, and they were warm and loving and absolutely the OPPOSITE of what I had built up in my mind. The devil has had a field day with me for years about this! I was reassured by God so sweetly that I CAN go home again, I CAN go back and see family members…ANYWHERE WITH JESUS I CAN SAFELY GO! The memories are painful, but the devil has used them to build up a wall that God never intended to be built.
It’s so funny that you should ask this question, today of all days. And yet, how like God to bring it up. Janice knew you and all the Siestas were praying for her, and she was so touched that you would carry her name to the Throne. Thank you again for that. I’m sure she’s sitting at Jesus’ Feet right now, just soaking Him in.
Hugs!
I’m so glad you found freedom in Jesus and praise Him for forgetting our pasts the second we invite Him in! I’m so sorry you lost a dear friend but isn’t it so exciting to know that you will spend eternity with her?!?!
You bet. Heaven is going to be such a blast.
It was so odd to go back and “revisit” my old hometown – I knew that God was going to one day lead me back there, but this time I was going under His Covering!
Thanks for your encouragement, Amber! I don’t have a Facebook, but I’m considering getting one. 🙂
Very sorry for your loss – but so happy you’re going everywhere with Jesus safely! That phrase meant so much to me tonight as I’m having to tread some new ground and it frightens me like nothing ever has. Thank you for sharing encouragement in the midst of your pain.
To make an incredibly long story short, my perfectly strong, healthy 25 year old husband started having seizures on June 14, 2010. He was in the hospital for a week, and amid numerous MRI’s and other medical procedures, the doctors could only tell us that they thought it was a brain infection, but results were inconclusive. I will never forget the phone call we received about a week later when the doctor advised that some physicians in a well-known clinic had reviewed the scans and believed it to be a brain tumor. After hearing the news, I sat out on my parent’s porch feeling numb – I could not believe what was happening. How would I ever deal with this? It was then that God tugged at my heart and reminded me that I had an important decision to make. I could shut myself off and go numb to it all. Or I could stand up and declare that I was still choosing to believe Him, despite what may come. With tears in my eyes, I decided to do just that. It’s been a tumultous 5 months . . . my husband has since received a diagnosis of brain cancer, undergone radiation and chemotherapy, been prescribed a cocktail of anti-seizure medication, etc. But through it all, God has been so faithful and shown His love for us in such amazing ways, that I could just bawl thinking about it. I am so relieved that I made that decision on a terrifying summer afternoon. There’s no other way to go through life but through trusting God no matter what. He is, and will continue to be, my lifeline.
You made a hard and courageous choice…may God continue to abundantly bless you for it! The ‘no matter what’ is the hard part. This encouraged me so much, Lindsay. You inspire me. Praying for you…
Lindsay- Praying for you and your husband tonight! Our family walked through a very hard journey as well and we chose to BELIEVE GOD as well. Surround yourself with friends who will Believe God with you and cling to his word. He will be with you every step of the way.
Thank you so much; I really appreciate the prayers! God is faithful – He will see us through. 🙂
I had a step father from the age of 3 until I was 16. He was a hard man, he drank and was abusive. Many of my insecurities and fears were molded during those years. He and my mother had a child together, my sister, and for over 20 years I did not see this man. My sister had a relationship with her father but there was no communication between her father and I. I went on with my life, married and had 2 beautiful daughters. The bitterness toward this man was there but because he was not in my life I did not choose to address the impact he had on my life. Out of site out of mind! NOT! Then Christ entered my life and one day He asked me to look closely at forgiving this man, well um NO THANK YOU Lord. Of course in His way He showed me how to forgive but there wasn’t a time of a face-to-face forgiveness and then my neice graduated and there was a party in her honor and I can honestly say I never gave a thought that her grandfather would be at the party as he lived quite a distance away. Then came the moment I saw him for the first time in over 20 years. I wanted to just turn around and go home. I did not but I did not approach him or speak to him all day. The time came when he was leaving and at that moment, I felt as if the Lord lifted me out of my seat because I have no recollection of a thought to move, but the next think I know, I am standing in front of the man who caused so much pain in my life and the only thing I said was, “may I give you a hug?” He opened his arms and we hugged briefly. He never spoke, but his eyes said it all,his eye acknowledged what that moment meant to us both. There was complete forgivness in that moment and a release like I have never felt. A peace. An understanding. My Lord gave me a mended heart, and in the broken places he gave me healing, in just a moment. I never spoke to him again, and he pasted away last month. God did not ask me to have a relationship with him, just to forgive so I could heal.