Good morning, Siestas! I just had a malfunction on the moderation page and, when I closed down and tried to reopen, I think it may have eaten about nine comments to the previous post. I’m so sorry if yours was one of them! I hate when that happens. All four Jones and Melissa, and I are packing up and heading to North Carolina to be part of a gathering near Asheville at Ridgecrest Conference Center. We are so excited to be together and to serve together. We also can’t wait to be with Travis who is family to all of us Moore/Jones/Fitzpatricks. We wish Angela, Jack, Lily Kate, and Levi were going, too! That would be the ultimate. We’ll also have so many other friends there – a reunion of sorts in a lot of ways. Anyway, you won’t waste a prayer on any of us. We never get this thing down. We pray not to get in the way of the Holy Spirit and that the pleasure of Christ will be upon us all. The group will be smaller than our LPL gatherings which means we’ll be able to see many faces and hug lots of necks. It will be water to our thirsty souls.
OK, so it’s TUESDAY! And that means it’s time for you to talk. Here is today’s topic:
Talk to me about a memorable time in your life when God broke through your hardheartedness, doubt, numbness or bitterness (or maybe even grief) with what almost seemed like a single stroke. In other words, has there ever been a time in your life when an event, a moment, or sudden revelation was used by God to crumble a wall that had long since been in place? I’ve been mulling over how a single God-ordained moment can change an entire season. If you’ve had one of those, describe it. After so many other things hadn’t “worked,” why do you think the breakthrough came like it did? (Keep in mind, some things just remain mysteries to us.) Take your time and think it through. Let it cause you some thanksgiving while you’re at it.
I will look so forward to your answers! You are dear to me, Sisters. May Christ be continually attracted to this community we call Siestaville.
Before I even knew I would struggle with infertility, God spoke to me that I would marry and have children. I had cried out to Him (literally) on my way to work that morning. I was in such a wreck that I figured I had better get into the Word before my students arrived. I opened my Bible to my next scheduled reading (I was reading one Psalm per day), and it was Psalm 68. And then I read verse 6: “He sets the lonely in families.” I started bawling even harder, knowing the TREASURE (Lowell, MA!) He had just given me.
Fast forward a few years…..I am married to a wonderful godly man, and we have been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now. Because of my age, we are running out of time and are seeing a specialist. She is a wonderful doctor, and as she sat before us and listed the MANY things wrong with me, I just sat there in TOTAL peace. TOTAL. WHY? Because I know what God promised and I know He is able! So even though in almost every other area in my life I am worrier and not a warrior, in this area God settled that one up for me with that TREASURE. We still pray, of course, that His will be done–whether that means a biological child or a child of the heart (adoption)!
He is ABLE!
I totally understand what you’re going through. My husband and I have tried for over 11 years to have a child, but it wasn’t until this year that I fully accepted the blessings in my life that God has already provided for me. If you ever want to talk, my email is on my website. God bless you!
I rarely ever comment here, but I can’t resist this one. I was just thinking and sharing about this instance in my life this morning at Bible study when I came home and read your question.
A few years ago, we went through a very difficult time at our church. One of the things that came out of the conflict at our church was a report based on surveys given to the congregation. The report revealed that several people were dissatisfied with the way the church had served them, or in their view hadn’t served them. There were several people who complained that the church and the people in the church didn’t meet their needs.
At the time, my husband and I were involved in the leadership of the church and many of our weekly activities revolved around serving. The report was so discouraging to me because I felt like I had served these people to the best of my ability and somehow it just wasn’t good enough for them.
I wrestled with this frustration for a loooooong time, knowing that I wasn’t supposed to feel like these people owed me anything. But still, their ingratitude hurt me personally.
Finally, one day, more than a year later while I was mopping my kitchen floor and not thinking about anything in particular (certainly not about this situation or anything spiritual), God dropped the answer on me. He gave me Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving”.
I had never memorized these verses and God only gave me the concept, but I knew the verses were there, so I put down my mop and picked up my Bible. At that moment, I experienced great freedom as if a huge weight had been lifted from my back.
All those years I had been serving men in an attempt to please God instead of simply allowing God to serve through me. It became clear that in making myself an empty vessel (and a cracked one at that), God would work through me and the outcome and response of others was entirley His business. I realized that other’s ingratitude was an issue between them and the Lord and that it really had nothing to do with me. It was pure freedom!!
i have been wondering how to serve for some time now. but i guess i will just do what i am led to do and let God work through me. Thanks for your insight.
I am emotional – a cryer to the core. A good commercial, I’m crying. Any movie, tears are streaming. A hearty laugh, more tears. Then my best friend passed away. After the initial shock being full of tears, I didn’t cry for two years. Two years.
I remember the first time I cried after it – I was reading a Good Housekeeping article and cried twelve tear drops. I counted. It was refreshing to know I could cry again. Because in not crying, I had become hardened. I didn’t want to lose more people that I loved or to acquire more people in my life I might have the potential to lose.
But, the Lord gripped my heart. He showed me His love for me that is everlasting despite losing people here on earth. He ignited a passion in me to share the gospel more boldly so that the people I care so deeply for would be in Heaven celebrating with me one day. The Lord comforted me in my loss. The Lord of ALL comfort was FAITHFUL to His promises. It took some time to realize that and it was not an easy promise, but it is sweet to be in a place of freedom where I can love as He loved (or try to), grieve as He grieves, and experience life as He desires us to.
I was raised in church, but in 1988, I married an unbeliever. I gradually found myself staying home on Sunday mornings, cooking breakfast for me and my husband and reading the Sunday paper. I knew where I should be…and my husband was not keeping me from going…he didn’t mind if I went to church. This eventually became a habit and I grew farther away from the Lord. Fast forward to the year 2000. My boss asked me and another co-worker/friend, April, to come to Tallahassee, Florida with her to a “christian concert” – we would stay with one of her friends…so basically, it was a free trip! We both agreed to go – I love music…all types…so it sounded like fun! We met at her house to all ride together and had not gotten 30 minutes down the road and Deb (my boss) decided to fill up with gas. As we were approaching the gas station, she said “I’m so excited that y’all are coming to this Women’s Conference! Y’all are going to love it. Beth Moore is wonderful…do you know who she is?” We both said “no…we did not know who Beth Moore was”. Me and April got out of the car at the gas station and said to each other “conference??…she said concert!! What are we going to?” So…long story short, we attended Living Proof Live on Friday night and Saturday! This changed my life forever and I started my search for a new church home the next Sunday! I found one right away! I am now involved in our church choir, children’s ministry, Awana’s and I am the “Retreat and Conference Co-ordinator” for our Women’s Ministry! My friend Deb and Living Proof Ministries forever changed my life. I have seen Beth live 4 times and seen 3 simulcasts! Oh…and on the way home, April and I told Deb that we forgave her for not telling us the truth…since she said “concert” and not “conference”. Her jaw hit the floor…to this day she swears she said conference! She says that the Lord let us hear “concert” so that we would agree to go!!
Oh I love this!
This was a hoot! Praise the Lord! I love this! My mom told me once when i had stopped going to church that she was doing this Bible study with a woman that i would “just love.” “she’s so like us”
Who knew, 4 years later I would have organized 2 LPL Simulcasts and attended 2 LPL’s & a Deeper Still.
Who knew???? Jesus knew!
This gives me goosebumps! Thank God He never lets go of us!
Thank you Jerri for reminding me of how I came to be a Beth Moore follower. I attended a Beth Moore conference because a friend of mine called me and asked me to buy her ticket. I had never heard of Beth Moore.I asked another friend to go, too. My friend came to grips with her alcoholism and hasn’t had a drink since. Now I have taught three studies- The Patriarchs, Daniel and John, the Beloved Disciple. God wins!!!
Did your husband ever come to the Lord?
Growing up without my dad in the house and without a strong relationship with him, I always wanted him to be proud of me and desperately sought his approval. In many ways, I allowed his absence to impact my developing a really strong sense of self. But that was not the only factor. It did not help that I had teachers who would tell me how smart my sisters were and who would ask why I couldnāt be more like them. The fact that, for quite some time, I was the only one in my family who had not attended college only added to the problem. āYouāll never be anything without a college degreeā is what some said.
Therefore, I was pleased when I was appointed an Assistant Vice President after only five-years with my company, having started with no experience, in an entry-level position and still possessing only a high school diploma. I was less impressed with the title and more grateful for what God had accomplished through me in such a short timeā¦
The day I got that news, I went home, told my mom and the boys and immediately picked up the phone. That is when God spoke to me saying, āPut down the phone. You do not get your affirmation from man, you get it from Me.ā
I was over thirty-years old and still looking for my dadās approval. I realized that day I was not as over my identity crisis as I believed I was. I had to make a decision that day. Either I was going to disobey the voice of the Lord and place that call to my dad anyway. Or, I was going to be set free. I spent time talking to God that day, after putting down the phone. I settled in my mind and spirit that God approved of me ā and that was enough. My past lost its hold on my present and, more importantly, it would never again impact my future. — In one day, God broke through years of feelings of insecurity and inferiority. I finally got free, in one day. God is awesome!
Love that: “My past lost its hold on my present…”
Thank you for sharing your testimony was just what I needed to hear.
Zenobia, what a beautiful testimony!! Thank you so much for sharing it. God’s Word and it’s freeing power clicked even deeper with me through your story….Blessings, Cate
What a wonderful story! Go God!!!
Hugs,
Adrienne
That is AWESOME!! Praise the Lord!! with love, Barb
Awesome indeed!
Recently I have been trying to lead a double life as a good, Christian girl and as a girl who does whatever sinful thing she wants on the side. A couple of weeks ago I was really drunk at a party and I broke my foot. Now I have no choice but to stay home and lay in bed as much as possible. I don’t think God WANTED me to break my foot, but I do think that He is using this as a huge STOP sign to get my attention. I CANNOT live both ways, too much is at stake. I must consciously choose to love Jesus, His Word, and His Way or to love the world and myself. It has been a very humbling, but ultimately life-giving experience. I am so grateful for His Love, Mercy, & Redemption that it makes me cry. He is truly amazing.
Praying for that foot to heal quickly and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for you! What a wonderful witness you will make to all those who hear this story. May Jesus be glorified and lifted up! He really is truly amazing. š
Kristi
When my mother died, I felt as though I died too. I told God not to bother me for a while and He didn’t! For almost 3 yrs, He let me wander without Him(He was there around the corner), until I surrendered all again to Him! He walked with me through my Father’s death 4 yrs later after my mom died. I have never doubted His eternal love for me! He showed me the bigger picture about my mother. How it was going to unfold in the realm of eternity! What a gracious and wonderful God I serve and love!!
Beth,
First off let me just say that you ask some good questions. Back in 2008, I experienced a real hurt, things were said about me that were not true,and what made it worse was the fact that it was being said by people who said they were my friends. My heart felt as if it had been pounded and split into, I cried. I was hurt and at that point wanted to nothing to do with the ones who did this to me. Then God spoke to me through a message, my Pastor said these words and new they were straight from God “don’t take anything from this year into the next.” That statement had a profound affect on me, I begin praying and asking God what I needed to do. At that point I put pen to paper, I sent a letter to each, in short I apologized for anything I might have done to them and explained that I had no hard feelings toward them and blessed them in Jesus name. They were the hardest letters that I have ever written. On Dec. 31 I walked them to the mail box praying over them and no certain terms told the enemy that he could no longer hold this over me. The truth did come out and I am so thankful. It has now been almost 2 years. I can report that I have reconnected with some others I have not but I am free. Praise Jesus.
Tracy
http://tracyscoffeecafe.wordpress.com/
Three years ago this month I was at my wit’s end with worries and fears, getting very depressed. Finally, in my hallway one day, I stopped and put my arms up to God and told Him I give up and He could have all of me. My will was a mess and I needed His will. Immediately, peace settled over me and I KNEW it was Him. I was already a Christian but my head was filled with secular reading and secular TV, with little prayer and bible reading. It was a new beginning for me. I’ll never forget the reality of it. And even tho feelings come and go, I’ll NOT go back to where I was before! My chains are gone, I’ve been set free! Then, I did Believing God and Breaking Free. Wow. I’m so grateful to Him.
Two moments– I found out I was pregnant at 18 years old, while attending a Bible college, not married. Second moment-when my Mom and Dad’s first words to me, after finding this out were, “We love you.” The Lord’s love and mercy and forgiveness and grace have altered my life forever in the last 18 years because of those two timeless moments. Oh how I praise Him! Glory!
Yvonne,
I was so touched by what you shared.
Blessings to you,
michelle
Yvonne, I’m so touched by this! Recently, God has been impressing on me that my children don’t just learn obedience and “rules” from me, but also grace and mercy. What a beautiful picture your parents showed you when they extended what God so freely gives!
Thank you for sharing. Kristi
Oh Beth, what a topic. I wont go into detail , but I have just recently gone thru one of the biggest storms and turmoil(valley) I think I’ve ever experienced, but now that Im on the other side I see how God has used that tough situation for His glory!!!! Its awesome how God works. I am so much closer to my heavenly father and my marriage is great. My husband and I are both on fire for the Lord, and cant wait to see what God has in store for us next. I thank Him that He remains faithful even when we do not.
When my oldest daughter was very young my husband began to consider homeschooling. I was adamantly against it! I just knew that was NOT God’s plan for our family! Until God showed me that it WAS His plan. I had just had lunch with a friend who had a school-aged child. She had the freedom to come to lunch without having to bring her children. It was what I thought I wanted. But after she left, in one life-changing, heart-changing moment, I realized that not only did God want me to teach my children at home, but that I really WANTED to! God’s Spirit created the desire within me to do what He was calling me to do. We’re now in our ninth year of homeschooling, and I am so glad God changed my heart about this! And now I can’t imagine doing anything else!
This is going to sound silly, but it truly was troubling. I was getting very frustrated, tense, grouchy, out of sorts for weeks on end regarding a certain topic/book. (Radical by David Platt). I agreed with so much is said and God had already put in motion much of its content in changing our lifestyle to be modest and invest in orphan causes. But, as I read each week (along in a book club) I would get more and more tense about what is it I am suppose to do??!!! As a single mother of four, do I quit my job that pays for their education, home, food, clothes, and take us all to a far away country. I would if God said it, but He wasn’t saying and the pressure I was feeling with the concepts in the book was, God has said all of us must follow this way. So I was stumped, mad, and not a very happy momma.
After 9 weeks of the turmoil, one night, God’s word just jumped into my thoughts…Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. I got up at 1 am, to read both passages. And was released from the weeks of turmoil by God’s word. The thought of looking at the whole consel of the word… and that God has a place for a momma that is still effective in His kingdom. That God is sovereign in leading if I trust and follow. And now I am at peace. I do not have to figure this all out.
After weeks of wrestling with trying to find an answer…God’s word spoke loud and clear. And once again encouraged my trust in him.
I am so excited to share this with you because this is something that happened recently with me and was spurred on by a fellow Siesta… š
I am in ministry and I love serving others. I am the Director of Women’s Ministry at one church where I teach a large ladies Sunday School class, and I am also the private homeschool teacher for Pastor Joel Osteen’s two children and attend worship services there on Saturday nights and serve as a prayer partner. I have been married to a living saint of a man for 18 years and we have one son who is an absolute joy and delight! MY LIFE IS BLESSED!!!! š š š
A few weeks ago one of my best friends in the world named Kim, whom I met on this blog, was asking me some tough questions. She knows me like no other and we share a lot of life together. I know it was uncomfortable for her but out of her love and care for me she followed the Holy Spirit’s leading and proceeded to sow into my life. I love my husband and am so thankful to God for a man who is Godly and who absolutely adores me!! He sees no faults in me. Yes, love is indeed blind!! AMEN!! š
Kim lovingly approached me about making sure I was serving my husband more than all the other people I serve and minister to. I knew this was an area I struggled with and was lacking and I so desired to do better, but on my own I was constantly missing the mark. I would try to make sure everyone else’s needs were met before his. Did my husband ever complain? No. Did he have reason to? I think yes.
I don’t know exactly what Kim said to me word for word, but I do know I received her instruction and I went to my room that night and pondered and prayed over it for hours. After years of praying to be a better wife and more attentive to my beloved husband, something supernatural happened that night. God’s steadfast love broke through and my prayers were answered. Whatever it was that Kim ministered into my soul that night took deep root. My husband is so enjoying the new fruit and so am I!!! He keeps asking me, “What has gotten into you?!” We are having so much fun loving and laughing together. It is like God breathed new life into our marriage and revived it.
After 18 years, I let things get in a rut or a routine and took for granted the gift that God gave me. Instead of enjoying things to their fullest, quite often I would do them out of obligation. Do you know what I mean? I am so thankful my eyes were opened to the truth. I know that I would be a failure in all of my ministry areas if I fail my family. They are the most important ones to me.
I just want to encourage my other Siestas out there. God can resurrect anything from the dead. All He needs is a willing heart. I know because He did it for me.
Wow – thank you for that testimony!!! I have been praying for that also, so I will continue!! with love, Barb
Wow…double wow…as I am currently trying to process a moment from this past weekend…in which I wrote my last blog about! “A Moment”. What I walk with here today though…is giving Him the thanks for the moment. And so I will do just that! Thank Him!
I think I’m in the middle of waiting for this to happen right now. I can feel God working on me, but I can’t stop myself from fighting him. I know if I let go it will free me, but I haven’t found a way to yet. I’ve been going through a season of intense depression, which I am getting treated for, but I don’t think that’s the problem. I feel something huge coming and I know God is preparing me for it, and my selfish sinful nature wants to fight him because I knoe he’s asking me to give up things I don’t feel ready to let go of. I know that if I don’t find a way to let go and give in to him he will force me, which is WAAAAAYYY scarier than just letting go and trusting, but apparently I can’t/won’t do it. Can anyone say control issues? I know this isn’t good/right/healthy and I need to find my way out, because ultimately what God has planned is going to be better than anything I can do alone, yet something keeps holding me back. I’m praying for my AHA moment to breakthrough this stronghold and let me move into the new phase he has planned. I don’t know how I got stuck here… I’ve never been here before and it’s the most uncomfortable place ever. Probably not the answer you were looking for, but the only one I have today.
I know exactly how you feel about being stuck and having control issues. I’ve been living it for a couple of years. AS far as the ‘He will force me’ if I dont give in-I’ve lived that also, am living it. 5 weeks ago my psychologist told me she was closing her practice as of Dec 1, I would have 8 more sessions with her. I knew I would not want to find another doc, I still do not want to find another doc. I told her then she has 8 weeks to ‘fix’ me! Ha, as if that could happen. I almost stopped going altogether because why should I continue to open up to her if she wasnt even going to be around? WeLLLL, God had another plan! I have made the most progress with her the past 5 weeks than I have in 8 months of seeing her weekly. God forced me, he scared me by pulling the rug out from under me. Another counselor friend told me to stop trying to swim upstream and let God carry me downstream to a better place. It took a lot of crying, praying, writing, talking etc. but I did it. I let go and just rode the wave of emotions and my friends who know what I am goign through pulled in closer and helped hold me up. I have 3 more sessions with my doc and I can say I feel like I do not need to continue, not I dont want to continue. I am going to rest in what God has done for me for a while before I decide to continue in therapy. When its time you will be unstuck. I know its not easy, I’ve been living it. I hope you will continue to move forward even if its ‘forced’ by God.
I am praying for you right now! God is good and He will deliver you from yourself, he did me. Keep on your knees and keep praising Him even when you are stuck in anger/frustration/loneliness. He knows you intimately and knows what will be needed for you to have your breakthrough – Trust Him!
Much love to you from a sister in Canada.
you can make it through. Ask God to transform you and wait for the time in which you can clearly tell others where you have been wrong. that may be the key. Telling others (the ones you have hurt) that you have been wrong. good luck, God will be with you. He doesn’t want you to be in turmoil. He wants you to be happy and fulfilled. You can do it.
I had just taken a close friend to an MRI appointment and was shopping with her. While we were in the yogurt aisle I began to question myself about my motivations for wanting to be a help to her and many others in my life. I wondered if my intentions were true or were they to help me feel better about myself? Was I trying to be a hero so that people would praise me? I pondered for the rest of the afternoon and was hit with a revelation around dinner time. My two young children were playing contentdly giving me and my husband an hours worth of time to talk. I told him how I realized that for years I had been seeking approval outside of my home because the daily things we as mom’s do inside the home are often taken for granted and thankless acts which left me feeling unfulfilled, not appreciated and unworthy. Those feelings caused me to be rude and disrespectful to my husband. I could have just told him I needed to be thanked and appreciated verbally sometimes to feel worthy. But I didn’t. Instead of asking for praise I would verbally abuse my husband and disrespect him in front of my children to make myself feel better. I explained all this to him and asked him for forgiveness. He was blown away by my honesty. Since that evening of repentance I have felt more love for my husband and respect than ever before.
All this happended because I had been asking God to transform me and make me the person he wants me to be. He set a spark in my mind that day in the yogurt aisle and that spark started a fire that exposed the bare ground of my heart.
I am ever grateful to God.
kjk
That is way cool, Cindy! I am so happy for you and your husband!
You also just gave your children the greatest gift you could ever give to them!
To God be the glory!!! š
hey roxanne ,
how are you…so glad you understood what i was talking about. thanks for your reply.
My husband and I are in full-time ministry. Seven years ago, three people in our church tried to destroy our ministry within the church. The hardest part was we thought they were our best friends. Talk about feeling betrayed! I was completely devastated, numb, and hopeless. My mouth was silent, because I could not speak; but my heart was wrenching out and whispering, “Help me my Father!” I happened to be in my car as I prayed silently to Him. I reached my destination, stepped out of the car, and felt compelled to look up. I was standing in a grove of large birch trees and their leaves danced against the bright blue sky. No, I didn’t hear an AUDIBLE voice, but indeed, I HEARD HIM. He said, “Be still, my sweet daughter, and KNOW that I AM God. I WILL BE exalted.” A wave of peace swept over me, and I felt free from the bondage that clinched at my soul. He WAS exalted in ways beyond my imagination, and I praise His precious name! Oh, how I love Him!
Last December God asked me to give Him all of my life. I knew He was talking about certain things I had been holding on to. I told Him “no.” He kept telling me He wanted my whole life and I kept answering “no” with an explanation. Very rebellious on my part. He then gave me my first “Paul moment.” OUCH! Very convicting and I repented. He then told me that He loved me and filled my whole being with His love, incredible and amazing. I gave Him everything and fell deeply in love with Him. I have experienced God like I’ve never had. My life has not been the same.
The memory that comes to mind when I read this post happened while I was single. The only way I could describe myself (though I don’t think others would as much) was desperate. The desire to be loved wholeheartedly by a man was overwhelming. I wanted someone who would love me no matter what and looked for him everywhere. I even had a list of what I thought I wanted/needed in a spouse. God brought a man into my life that met everything on that list, even down to the knight on a white horse (he drove a white mustang). When this relationship didn’t work out, mainly due to my neediness, I started praying hard. This time I asked God to send me who HE wanted me to have WHEN He knew I would be ready. God broke through my stubbornness and wanting approval from a man and showed me He had everything I needed and more. I was determined to seek God in all of my life. A few years later, He brought my adorable husband to me, a man I don’t deserve but feel wholeheartedly blessed by God to have.
My husband and I dealt with infertility for about four years before we decided to go to a doctor. The only fertility doctor our insurance would cover was 3 hours away so every test/appointment I had was really a hassle! On a Tuesday morning I went to my bible study and was planning on heading out of town after that for another test. My group wanted to pray for me before I left. I had heard that this test was a little painful but I figured I could deal with it. I mainly wanted my ladies to pray for the test to come up with some reason why I wasn’t getting pregnant so the doctor could just fix it! One of the women prayed that it wouldn’t be painful and I remember thinking, it’s going to be painful, there’s no way around that! Fast forward to the test…I was laying on the table and I heard the doctor tell the nurse, “this is going to be a tough one”, meaning he was having trouble getting the instrument to go where he wanted. The nurse came and patted my shoulder and asked me how I was doing and if I was in pain. To my absolute amazement, I said, “I don’t feel anything!” And it was true! Even in my disbelief, God saw fit to protect me from the pain! I was in awe of His power! Now fast forward 13 years…I have a wonderful 12-year old son and a beautiful 10 year old daughter…more evidence that God has a plan and it will be carried out in His time!
I have known the LORD to sweep-clean some spots in my life. I would have to say though the time it was just so matter of fact was when my heart go broken.
Long story short, man i worked with was leading me on (my insecurity helped him bigtime). He came in one day to proceed to tell me that he was back with his ex of 8 years and she was pregnant. It was the one time I was broken. When he left, I went and cried on the bathroom floor, a bathroom in a Construction dist. office – and I have OCD, this ought to tell you something.
When I came out, I sat in my office and it became hot and quiet, and I heard…
“I had to break it, you were never going to break it.”
Not long after that I heard “I AM going to rebuild you the way you were meant to be.”
HE has! He is!
I remember the first inclination that this break was going to happen and I remember waking up the next day thinking, “I am never going to be the same, I just didn’t realize what a blessing that was.”
I just love what you shared Siesta OC, especially that last line!
Blessings,
michelle
I love when Jesus sums it up! I had a glorious time rejoicing with Him yesterday, realizing how much healing He has given in 2 years!
One of the many moments that God has had with me happened yesterday. I grew up lonely, in a chaotic home, was abused as a child and very rarely felt safe. The only time I did have a feeling of safety was when I was at my grammies house. Her and I were SO close when I was growing up. I feel like she truly protected me from a lot of things. But life happens, I got involved in serious sin and fell away from my relationship with her. More abuse came during my years of sinfulness and that feeling of safety fell very hard by the wayside. I have been going through a very intense season of healing and restoration for the last year and God is so sweet the way He speaks to me. I was driving my daughter to school yesterday and heard Natalie Grants song “Safe” The lyrics hit me to the core. I went about my routine dropping her off and got back in the car when God spoke to me so clearly and said it “Bethany, you ARE safe. Safe with Me. You can let down your walls and be vulnerable. You are safe” It was as if this MASSIVE wall just fell. I was overcome with emotion. I finally have that feeling of safety that I have been looking for.
Oh praise be to Jesus
Bethany
I can’t began to know your joy in this, but one of the first words that comes to mind when I think of what the name of Jesus means to me is SAFE!
Oh I like this one. I don’t mean this in a “I’m your biggest fan” sort of way, because I believe it’s the God within you- but Beth, the Lord really has used you like crazy in my life.
I recently watched a message from the lifetoday show that you taught on insecurity. I don’t recall the title, but it was the one where you talked about “he’s just not that into you.”
I had been approaching my marriage from a perspective of: deperation, longing and even being the victim. My husband is a good man, a God fearing one too, but in retrospect I can’t blame him for becoming a bit controlling since (because of my insecurities) I acted unable to make decisions.
I’ve got to say that that day (September 21 I think it was) I experienced that instant eye-opening, life-cahnging moment. I was just done feeling and living that way. I am so happy to report that there is a peace in my home that we have never had before, and our marriage is finally flourishing in the joys of unity.
I do genuinely want to thank you Beth, because you are a willful servant of the Lord, and my life is all the better because of it.
And to the rest of the siestas, I’m hoping you all will find freedoms in these areas of your life like I have. There’s perhaps no greater joy than seeing the hand of God move in your life.
It was about 6 years ago, I was not yet saved. I always knew that God existed but never lived like He did. At this time in my life nothing seemed to be going right I was living in a sinful relationship and I just felt “lost”. I was working with my brother doing some remodeling after I got off work and I had to drive a ways to get to the town we were working in. One evening while I was on my home I was searching the radio for something to listen to. I always, always changed to a different station when anything involving God came on. But this night was different it seemed like every station I came across was a Christian station. I finally gave up and began listening, needless to say it changed my life forever. What I was listening to was exactly what I would not listen to any other time. This was the beginning of God transforming me He began changing my heart right then and there in that car, I accepted Him shortly after that. I have never been the same since….Praise the Lord!
I really had to think about this one, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. My truest moment of surrender in an area where my heart was hardened, and completely uncompassionate, was about 8 years ago.
My brother has been a drug addict my entire life. He’s 16 years older than me, so I have no memories of him being drug free. When I was 16, he stole a precious gift out of my car, while it sat in the driveway of my parents home. When I was 8, an elementary school pal’s dad wouldn’t let her come visit with me because he knew my brother and he expressed this directly in front of me…even knowing my parents are wonderful, godly people. (a “friend” offered my brother drugs when he was 19,and through his own admission, he’s never been able to say no to them since)
He’s 55 now, and drugs have ravaged his body, his mind, and most assuredly, his heart. He is loud, and often rude. He lives in a rental house of my parents and hasn’t held a job for longer than 6 months in his entire life. I had such bitterness and resentment in my heart for my brother. Oh, such bitterness!
And then my sister asked me if I wanted to do a Bible study with my mom, my grandmother and her. I responded with a resounding, “Yes!” I just love them, but had never done one with the women in my family. What a treasure this was to me in so many ways. My grandmother is living it up in her heavenly home now, and my mom has cancer. This was one of those…beautiful moments that you recognize even while you’re in it. (love those!) That Bible study was the first Beth Moore study that I’d done. It was “When Godly People do Ungodly Things”.
As we touched on the prodigal son, God broke my heart. I had stood in judgement of my brother my entire life. My. Entire. Life. I’d condemned him and made it plain that his lifestyle choices were a barrier that we, as family, could not cross. I had ranted at my parents for picking up his pieces for years. I simply couldn’t fathom how they could continue to pick him up when he made those choices. I wept that night and I’m crying now. While I don’t condone his choices, how could I be so cruel? And I was most certainly cruel. I had placed myself in a position of judgement.
I immediately went home and asked God what to do. How, Lord? I couldn’t, but He most certainly could. Since you can never know what state a true addict will be in, I made the choice to write him a letter that I knew he would only open when he was needle free. I poured out my heart, and asked his forgiveness. I told him God loved him…and so did I. I told him that no matter what he did, had done, or would do, that I was wrong for treating him so poorly.
The next time I saw him was a family holiday get together. He walked over, ran his hand down my hair and kissed the top of my head. He whispered, “thank you, Kris”, in my ear. A behavior that is completely unlike my brother as I knew him.
How I long for my brother to be free of his burden. How I long for my parents to see him set free! How I long for a brother that I can share my faith and my life with. For now, that isn’t happening. For now, that isn’t where we are. The doctors tell us that my brother is now at the end of his life. His body is so ravaged from so many years of drug abuse that it’s shutting down. He has almost no liver function, and type 2 diabetes. Hospice comes twice a week to the home that my parents still provide for him, and they are there almost all the other days of the weeks to care for him until his time is over. I don’t know what the future holds for him, but I know that I’ll be there when he meets it. I will stand beside him and love him, as Christ has loved me, even when I was a bitter, hateful sister who expressed that to a brother who desperately needed her love.
If Christ can get upon his knees and wash the nasty feet of his disciples, even one who would betray him to the cross, then who am I to do any less for my own brother? Christ humbles me and I love Him so. He heals me and makes me new. He sees the things that hurt me most, even when I’m doing them myself, and sets me free. He takes a bitter heart…and makes it sweet. May He be glorified forever!
Much love sweet sisters. May we all view ourselves, and everyone we meet, through the eyes of Christ!
Kristi š
thanks so much for sharing this. i get so much on here, more than i could ever give, and really i get so much from reading these,so much more than what i think i wanna share, i get more.. thanks so much, reading your story has touched me deeply.
Thanks Kristi for sharing your heart, we share a similar story. God filled me up with a love that I could never have mustered up in my own strength when my brother became ill with mental disease, we believe, due to drug use. It was over 25 years ago, he will never be the same but he is doing quite well and I am thankful. I have prayed for you and your family as you minister to your brother at this difficult time.
Wow Kristi – Amazing! I can so relate to your strugle and sitting in position of judgement. I continue to battle this – seeking His wisdom and praying through it even when I don’t “feel” it. Thank you for sharing your victory in Christ. I trust Him to do the same with me in His perfect timing.
Oh Kristi-
How I relate…how I relate! We are not where we want to be either. I have been judgemental and hurtful to the biological mother of my children..and have come to the place where I pray for her every day….for God to set her free…for her burden, guilt and shame to be lifted, for her to feel the LOVE of the One and Only who can “fix” this life for her. I love you-thanks for the honesty…..thanks for the tears…for the “Oh-me too” moments!
In Him,
Andrea
Kristi, your brother’s body shutting down may be a blessing in disquise. Many prayers coming your way.
I was 25 years old, married with a 15 month old and 2 months pregnant with my second. I thought all I needed to do was go to church a few times a month. I wasn’t a preacher, so God wouldn’t listen to me anyway. Besides, God obviously didn’t care about me since he took my dad 2 months before I was born.
My husband was in the garage. Unbeknownst to both of us, our son toddled out there. My husband got in the car to back it up. I heard screaming. I ran out into the garage to find our son under the car with tire tracks running over his body. He was wearing a yellow shirt and the black grime from the tires left a perfect tread over his torso.
I grabbed my son. I was screaming and wailing. And yet through all of that I heard God say to me “he’s okay.” It sounds cliche to say that I felt immediate peace, but I did. Several hours later in the hospital, the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with our baby. No broken bones, no internal bleeding, nothing but tire tracks across his body to prove that he had been run over.
God is good. He does love me and He loves my son.
wow girlfriend. i guess your trully know that God has chosen you to be your son’s mom.
Two years ago, I was enrolled in a leadership development program and we were having a weekend retreat. That morning they had sent us out to spend a couple of hours in silence and solitude. It was cold and windy, but the place I wanted to be was on the beach at the retreat center we were at, so I dressed warm, grabbed by Bible and journal and went to sit on the beach.
As I was sitting there, looking at the lake, I noticed some ducks that were swimming by (in November – that’s a little late for them to still be around here). They were swimming against the wind and the current and seemed to be getting nowhere fast. Some of them were losing ground.
The previous couple of months (Sept-Oct) of that year had been challenging. My Mom and sister had been in a car accident that they were relatively uninjured from for it being one that should have killed them. A friend had just become a widow and single mother at 24. And things were changing significantly with the leadership of a ministry I was involved with at church.
My response in times like that is to look for things to do to fix the situation and to help people. I was doing far more than I was really able to do and I was becoming tired and resentful. As I watched those ducks struggling to swim against teh current, God told me that was what I had been doing for the last couple of months. I was fighting the wind and the current in my continual looking for something to do. He told that me that right now I just needed to be. That my Mom and my sister wanted me to just BE with them. That my friend wanted me to just BE with with her. That the ministry at church was not going to be destroyed if I stopped to just BE with God.
What a refreshing message that was to hear. I didn’t always have to do something – and God was telling me that was a season for me to just be – in His presence and with my family and friends. I didn’t need to keep fighting the wind and the waves like the ducks were. I could stop fighting and allow God’s wind and waves to carry me where He wanted me to go for this season of life.
The past six month have been the hardest, darkest time of my life. A few weeks ago, in the middle of the night, when things can seem the darkest, I was on my face before the Lord. I was sobbing to Him and pouring my heart out. I literally asked, “Are you there, God?” I FELT a hand on my back, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed, refreshed and ready for His new mercies. That was a turning point and He clearly showed me He IS there and HE hasn’t forsaken me. I am right where He wants me!
Oh Beth,
The timing of this is perfect! I just had my memorable moment with God this past weekend. Our church held our Women’s Retreat at Woodland Lakes Christian Camp-the same camp I grew up going to 30 years ago! Anyway, I have written many times about the depression I have been going through this past year or so, my divorce and weekly counseling sessions to deal with many issues from my past-namely the issue of my mother’s disownment (is that a word?) of me. I never have dealt with this and God made it clear to me back in March it was time to face it head on! This has been the hardest year by far! I would go through my divorce all over again instead of deal with this stuff. So I have had counseling and I have a women’s minister at church who I am working with and between the two of them saying what God has directed them to say to me I just couldnt break through this stuff. Until the past few weeks. God has lit a fire under me to move faster and harder and I have. This weekend at our women’s retreat He met me face to face for a solid 22 hours. The entire time I was there. I finally broke down the wall of emotions and cried my heart out as I listened to the video speaker Angela Thomas. I met with God for many hours in our “Time with God” sessions and he changed me. A lot. My friend, the women’s minister from church looked at me when we were talking outside and said-Lisa you are lying to yourself, stop telling yourself lies, you do know who you are, you wont believe who you are. Its time you make a choice….I went off alone and pondered her words. At the end of the session, she asked us to write one thing down we commit to leaving at the retreat. I thought of many things that would be very easy for me to leave behind. Things that were very easy for me to give up but then it came to mind to write down-I am leaving the lies that I keep telling myself and I will only listen to the truths. I was crying just thinking it, bawling when I wrote it and pinned it to the wall, sobbing when I told my friend what I wrote as she prayed with me about it. God was there with me, God changed me, I feel so much better today because of it. I’m not even close to being healed but I am well on my way! I love that God moves me when I just dont expect it.
Lisa
I was called to the principal’s office as a fairly new middle school English teacher. A couple parents were waiting for me, and I was ready for them! I had my list of all the terrible things those BRATS were doing to me, when all of a sudden, I saw myself. . .and I started BAWLING from shame that I had actually lowered myself to the level of 13- and 14-year-olds who invited a daily power struggle! I received forgiveness & redemption. That was 25 years ago, and I’m still at the same public school, but with primary-age students [where I belong!]
I spent 40 years not wanting anything to do with God, hating God and blaming Him for all that hurt me in my past. The Holy Spirit (although at the time I thought it was a tolerant thought) had me read the Bible from cover to cover. Over the next few years, I began to find out who God was, and that He was not the enemy I thought He was. As I learned of God’s love and quit cringing when someone prayed, “Father God…” For I didn’t want a Father anything, I began to come to my senses. At one point, after I was saved (yep at 48) I apologized to God for all the angry and spiteful things I said to Him in my hurt and pain. He said to me, “That’s ok Heather, at least you were talking to me.” In His love He tolerated my hurt and pain until I finally was receptive to His love. I still cry when I think of His tenderness and patience with me.
Beth, God bless you for all you do. You really were instrumental in the above because it was through your Bible studies and the loving group of women I studied with that I began to know more who God was. The one that touched me the deepest was Believing God. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned through your studies. May God continue to bless you and inspire you as you help people grow in Him.
Blew my mind! PRAISE THE LORD!
Bless you sweet siesta! What an incredibly touching and poignant testimony you have.
Dear Beth, There have been several times, but this one had to do with healing from the past. Some 12+ years ago I was apart of a “Wounded Heart” study group at church based on Dan Allender’s book. There was an excercise to take time to mentally walk through the past experiances but this time imagine Jesus being with me. It was as though I could feel my heart and soul being literally mended and healed. Jesus transends time and He was and is and will be with me, always. Praise Him!!! In Jesus’ Love, Kathy Knoblock
I was raised in church since I was a baby. We were plugged into every service our Sacramento, CA church had to offer. I was in our church musical productions and church camps offered to kids and teenagers. Then I had this season as a teenager, wondering if I only believed in God because I had been surrounded by pastors who believed. I wondered if I was actually believing on my own. On one specific day, my mind began to spiral out of control with all sorts of other questions about other religions and where we come from when suddenly, like a knife, a voice cut into my busy thoughts and said matter-of- factly…”Don’t doubt my word.” I will never forget this. I looked around my bedroom and thought, did I just hear what I think I just heard? There was no thunder. Actually, nothing happened after that. I just knew. Later I heard a song by Christian artist Leon Patillo titled “Small Still Voice”. That’s it! He came to me as a small, still voice. I’ll be completely honest. That was about 25 years ago and I’ve never heard it since. Oh, I’ve felt God move in my life. But when my mind can spin with the world’s confusion, I cling to that moment.
I will share the single most dramatic breakthrough the Lord had on my life, since nothing has compared with it since.
I had been married about 7 years to my husband. And while we were devoted believers I went into marriage expecting my husband to fulfill all my unmet longings to be loved. By the time we had been married 7 years it had created a serious rift between us. We both had a lot of emotional baggage – which I won’t go into, but suffice it to say I was very unhappy and felt terribly unloved. My frustrated husband had just shut down on me and buried himself in his job and his friends.
I remember one afternoon after a fight and he left in a temper I went into my closet and closed the door and just sobbed. I did not know how to pray throug this or even have the understanding of what was wrong and I began to hear the Lord say to me “Am I enough for you?” To which I replied “I need someone with skin on them to love me!” All I could hear the Lord say was “Am I enough for you?” It was like being backed into a corner and the same thing said over and over to me.
Finally I told him “All right yes… but I have nothing else. You will have to be everything to me because I’m about to be abandoned by my husband ( I grin now at what a drama queen I was) and I’ll have nobody.”
It is hard to explain what happened next. Its taken me 20+ years to process it. All i can say is that it felt like being drowned under a waterfall… of love. I have never experienced anything like it. I absolutely drowned in it. I can honestly say that no human could ever love me like that. Iknew total and utter complete filling of my spirit.. with love. I knew I was loved and had always been loved and would always be loved…by the dearest dearest Precious Saviour. Ifell in love and have gone on many years loving him.
My husband did not leave me… we had a lot of learning to do – together. We have been married now for 29 years and love each other very deeply. And I can say that the Lord Jesus is my daily addiction and will always be… but I will never forget the question he asked me that day. “Am I enough for YOU?”
heidi
I love this, Heidi! I love this so much! Praise be to God, who redeems us and will never leave us, nor forsake us!
Kristi
This is SO encouraging Heidi! I had to learn the same lesson too. Thank you for posting this!
Last September 15th, God revealed Himself to me!!! I felt, for the first time since I was saved at age 9, God’s Presence literally SIT on top of me!!
We moved to the Houston area in June 2009 from Dallas. I’d attended many Beth Moore Bible studies since 1996, but had mostly shown up for the videos, not getting much homework done. (I KNOW if you wait until the night before class…a week of homework can be done in 4 1/2 hours!!) However, I still knew that Beth knew God in a way I didn’t…but wanted to, badly.
I wanted to know God like Beth knows Him so I came to hear the series on “The Revelation of Jesus Christ.” When Beth read her “Revelation Visual” GOD SHOWED UP FOR ME, TOO!! It was like there was no one else in the room, but me, Beth and GOD!! I was so “mind-boggled” for two days, I could hardly function!! I have NEVER been the same since. I crave God and His Word and quite frankly probably drive some of my friends crazy with my new relationship with God…only wishing the same for them!!
In retrospect, I went SEEKING God for who He is…not just what He could do for me in a panic. When I saught Him, He showed up…and STILL does!!!
Thank you, Beth, for yielding your life to Our Father, and allowing the Holy Spirit to use YOU to introduce us to God like never before!!!
Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes. I was so frightened and, truthfully, a bit angry at God.
Everyone in my life – husband, parents, friends – seemed to have peace about God’s healing EXCEPT for me. Maybe because I wasn’t on speaking terms with God….
I had to have additional surgery to clear my surgical margins and on the way home from the surgery, I felt so oppressed…as if a demon was sitting on my shoulder telling me “You’re going to die and never see your children grow up.” When we got home, I went right up to my bed and pulled my covers over my head. My husband followed me upstairs and told me he wanted to read Scripture over me. I thought to myself “Go ahead but I not gonna listen.” As he read God’s Word over me, I felt my breathing slow down, my heart stopped racing and I prayed “God, my future is Yours. Good or bad, long or short, I hand it over to You.” His sweet peace that had seemed so unattainable flooded over me, and my anger and fear were swept away.
At a doctor’s appointment many years ago, I was compared to the woman with the issue of blood. At that very moment, my desire to find ‘myself and my story’ in God’s Word became my focus. I studied the story of this amazing woman in depth and when I could not find myself, I continued on. Through each and every instance of healing I searched. What did they have that I did not…What was I missing…Where was I lacking? My heart cry became “Why not me?”. After years of searching, pain and moments of rejection and loneliness, the Lord used a child to open my eyes and my heart. More importantly for me, He used MY child! In devotions one evening, my husband read the story of the man beside the pool of Bethesda being healed. To be honest, I wasn’t really listening. Instead I was focused on asking the Lord why he was healed and I was not. As devotions came to a close, my 7 yr old daughter asked a question that is forever burned into my heart and mind. Her question was, “Why did Jesus not walk around and heal everyone at the pool that day?”. I was suddenly shaken into reality at the profoundness of this question. I had never thought of all those other people and their hurts; instead I was focused on the ONE person that the Bible mentioned was healed. Out of my precious child’s mouth, Jesus gave me the answer that would unlock my world and set me free!
That night I felt that I should write my story down as a reference for those down days. So, here is my story:
My Encounter with My Healer
Here I sit beside the pool of Bethesda. I have watched many hurting people jump into the swirling waters and walk away healed. Today was different.
On this day, Jesus walked among us! I hoped with all my heart that He would choose me. A crippled man, waiting much longer than I, was the object of His attention and healing instead. My heart sank; but I was thrilled as the man thanked Him, praised Him and with new found legs walked away. I looked down at my own scars and felt a fresh wave of pain. My smile faded and I felt so rejected and alone. Why was I not chosen? Was I not worthy? Not enough faith? Jesus, my Healer, was so close and yet suddenly so far away.
Hoping to see one last glimpse of Him, I looked up.
To my surprise, He was looking at me!
Our eyes locked and instantly my scars became beautiful and my pain bearable.
In His eyes, I found hope, love and acceptance.
I had not been rejected! Instead, I have been chosen to wait.
My Savior sees me, my scars and my pain.
Though He longs to heal me and make me whole;
He also knows that they make me who I am in Him.
He knows me through my scars and I know Him through them as well.
In His eyes, I see that He has been here through all my pain and has given me the strength to carry on.
And so, I will fulfill His purpose in my life and I will WAIT. Wait implies staying for a limited time and for a definite purpose.
Through the All-knowing, All-seeing eyes of my Savior, it is but a second in the eternity that awaits me.
All of this happened at the pool of Bethesda one day;
But continues in my heart every day!
Beautiful! I love the line,”I had not been rejected! Instead, I have been chosen to wait.”
When our son was 17 months old, we learned that he had a rare form of cancer. Immediately, I found myself angry. I could not believe a merciful God could allow such a horrible thing to happen. On the day of diagnosis, my mother and aunt came to the hospital to stay with Adam while my husband and I went home to get some very much needed sleep prior to our first consultation with an oncologist the next morning. We went to bed that night and made the conscious decision to pray together. I found as I prayed out loud that night with my husband and I holding onto each other that I actually gave my son back to the Lord. Not that he needed my permission, but I told Him that he could have Adam to do as he willed…to save his life or return him to Himself. From that point on, God gave me a peace that truly passed all understanding and all fear was removed. We will be celebrating Adam’s wedding on December 17th, the 23rd anniversary of his diagnosis. God has used Adam’s story on countless occasion over the years. To Him is all the glory!
I have been wrestling with where is God in terrbile events ever since my friends young husband died suddenly a few years earlier. Then yesterday I was bothered by the news media on the murders of the beautiful family in Conneticut. As I walked my dogs I just asked the Lord why didn’t you help them. And He spoke very clearly in my spirit, how do you know I didn’t. I was aware of my “oh ye of little faith moment.” He may not have done what I thought would be good but that does not mean he did not help that family in ways we can not even imagine. Isn’t that what He promised to comfort us in our time of need and trial. I was ashamed for not realizing the goodness of His character and accusing the hero instead of the villian.
I was going through a very difficult season of doubt, fear, attack and just about every other weapon the enemy can throw at a doubting and struggling mind. It started with uncertainties of truly being saved and escalated into full blown battles in my mind. I was angry with God, I felt He had abandoned me. One day as I was working and really struggling with my thoughts and feelings of anger toward Him, I suddenly heard Him say to my heart; “Why are you doing this? Don’t you know you’re my daughter and I love you?” It was unlike anything I had ever experienced and it totally floored me. I was so surprised by His love and kindness. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. He truly is the good and loving Father He tells us He is.
When I was in my late 20s I came face to face with some childhood trauma that I had known about on some level, but mostly stuffed down in exhausting denial. When it all came to the surface I was so angry with God for even allowing it to happen, especially since I had trusted Him and known Him since the age of four. How could He?!!! One day I was sitting in my car raging it all out in loud prayers and cries, when I came across the verse that says,”God is in heaven; He does whatever He pleases.” In light of what I was wrestling through – and how I was wrestling through it – I expected to hear myself say something biting and sarcastic in response to reading that – but instead it stopped me in my tracks. I realized that knowing God was in heaven and did whatevrer pleased HIM – not what pleased me – gave me the deepest sense of security I could imagine. It changed everything. It was an absolute turning point in my healing. I think of it often. And to this day, I am so very thankful He does as He pleases and doesn’t allow my begging and crying and cajoling to hinder His perfect plan.
Her office was the size of a closet. My husband and I had traveled half way around the world to get us to this orphanage outside of Moscow, Russia. The director walked in holding a fuzzy bright yellow bundle— a baby boy, ten months old, weighing only ten pounds—she turned his face toward us ( that is when it happened ) our eyes met. We belonged together. I was a mother, his mother — we are family. In those few seconds a decade of infertility pain was gone. The heartache of lost pregnancies was healed. VICTORY WAS OURS!!!!
Our son is eight years old now and attends a wonderful Christian School in Memphis. Last week his third grade Bible class was in charge of the weekly chapel program. He was the third scene Elijah. When his chariot of fire arrived he looked at us and said “MY RIDE is here!” I’m so thankful to be his mom–what a RIDE!!!
Yes. April 25, 1986. We were having renewal services at our small church and the Holy Spirit just broke through my hard, sin-filled heart. I was saved, but up until that time, I had been banging my whole body up against a brick wall. That night, well, you might say the walls came a-tumblin’ down. Praise the Lord!
Mine was about the parental “letting go” thing. My oldest, Andy, was a senior in high school and was seriously considering going to college at OU. My husband & I are both Baylor grads, and while we weren’t expecting him to go there, a Texas school was more in our sights. Plus he had talked for years about going to TAMU but had changed his tune a year or so before. We were afraid the only reason he changed his mind was because his girl-friend could get in to OU with him. Anyway, I took Andy & Mandy, (yes their names rhyme, cute huh?) to a intro weekend. We had a great time going to all the little introductory classes, taking the tours, etc. We spent the night in Norman. As I was trying to go to sleep that night, I was still worrying over it and just not happy about it. All through their teen years I had Jeremiah 29:11 posted in each of my kids’ bathrooms. As I was praying and worrying that night, it was almost an audible voice that spoke to me and said, “It doesn’t say ‘I know the plans Mama has for you'” I was so taken aback, there was nothing more I could do than just say, “OK, God, he’s yours anyway.” He and Mandy have now been married 2 years, both graduated from OU, and have good jobs and loved their experience there. It has made it a little easier to send the other 3 off where they felt they needed to go and not worry so much about it!
I’ve only responded a couple of times as I’ve read the blog. I just had to share today. I have such an incredible story of how God took away four years of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in a matter of moments. A series of amazing events led me to the point when God reminded me of the times that He had asked me to step out in complete faith to accomplish something for Him and that I had done those things out of love and obedience to Him. He spoke to my heart and said, “Sherrie, if you can just see forgiving those people who hurt you as a way of expressing your love to Me, as another way to be obedient, you will be able to do this.” And it still brings me to my knees today to remember that IMMEDIATELY I was able to let go and forgive and find peace after all those years. When I saw it as an act of love for my Savior, it changed everything!
He knew exactly what I needed to hear to change my heart.
Praise His name!
I lost my Dad in 1992. I grieved that loss in a very serious way for the first year. I knew my Dad was a strong Christian, but that’s where the rubber meets the road – losing your best friend and support factor. I was a Christian, but searched heavily for “what happens” when someone dies. In other words, I wanted confirmation that my Dad was in heaven. On the first anniversary of his death I locked myself in the bathroom and prayed with EVERYTHING I had that God would let me know! I was screaming inside with a lot of pain. At that moment, a very loud voice (strong) came across in my head and my body froze. The Lord said, “HE’S WITH ME.” I didn’t realize until then that my husband had been banging on the door, very concerned about what was going on with me (I had not heard it at all). That is the day when God told me that I had to trust Him and that’s the day I put my full trust in Him.
I grew up being good. I was a pleaser…both towards God and man. When I began having one trial after another, big ones, my resentment towards the Lord began to percolate. I had developed a spirit of entitlement that sends a warning up my spine even as I type the words. He brought me further and further down until I found myself at a place that is so hard to put into words. I couldn’t pray and there was a cement like feeling of being unable to if I wanted to…I felt terrible fear and complete detachment at the same time. I felt a warning sounding over me “sin is crouching at the door!” Somewhere I felt my spirit cry out to the Lord to pray for me when I felt incapable…so bound by what I had allowed to grow and fester in my life. I think I cried pretty much over a three day period but the Lord did a healing. I believe He prayed for me. I needed to be freed from something horrifically toxic in my soul.
Over the last month this healing has been tested as I have stood over my son’s hospital bed as we have fought for his life. During this time I have thanked the Lord for two things specifically over and over….for all of His body of believers as they prayed for us and for the confidence that He is for me and not against me no matter what comes. I’m so thankful for the healing before this valley…He knew how much I would need it! Praise His Holy name forever!
In 2006 my mom had a stroke on the day my first child was to be born. I was so bitter for over a year because my mom was sick and my baby was difficult, and I had felt so alone. I spent over a year being mad at God and feeling that He had taken my special moment in life from me. Then I went to Deeper Still in Nashville in 2007. there was a session about David being mad at God after Uzzah died. It was like a sword to my heart. I was so convicted about my bitterness toward God for that situation. I know that my being there was a divine appointment.
Julie,
I was at this Deeper Still, too, and it was my moment where God spoke straight to me. The year before (to the week)I had lost our daughter at 24 weeks, and God spoke straight to me that weekend as well. I remember being SO struck by Beth’s words that I felt sorry for anyone else who’d paid for a ticket b/c clearly that whole message was straight to me! (I knew that wasn’t true, but it felt so perfect for me, I couldn’t imagine it applying so well to anyone else in the universe.) When she said, “We have to get over our devastation with God. HE does not have to obey US.” Mmm.Mmm.Mmm. I’m now enjoying the “Who am I, Lord, that you have brought me THIS FAR” part of the story! š Praise HIM!!
PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!
To Him be the Glory. I was deeply wounded by church leadership when I was 16. This caused me such doubt – where did my true faith rest? Was it in Christ, or in the church? Instead of pursuing Him for the answer, I left the church, and my faith, and walked my own way in the wilderness for the next {nearly} 10 years.
In hindsight, I see how He pursued me, through invitations from godly people He placed in my life over and over during this time. I resisted. I ignored. I made my own way, stumbling mightily in my pathetic efforts to run my life apart from Him. I did not bear fruit, I was not a branch on the vine – I cut myself off from the One True Vine.
One day, driving up the interstate in our city, Michael W. Smith’s song “Place in This World” came on the secular music station I was listening to. “Lookin’ for a reason, roaming through the night to find my place in this world, my place in this world. Not a lot to lean on, I need your Light to help me find my place in this world, my place in this world.” Let me tell you how Jesus came and captured me back that very moment, speaking to my broken, lonely heart, with a hole in it only meant for Him to fill. I had myself a good, ugly cry right there in my car, which He made into a sanctuary. Jesus sought me and He bought me and He brought me back, the lost sheep.
Praise His precious name, that He loved me so, and never gave up. By grace, I stand redeemed. By grace, I am a woman of great faith, in a Lord so amazing, so loving, so merciful, so very good. He is faithful!