I’m really ticked. I just ran into a beloved little sister in the faith on my way to work when I stopped off at a grocery store to grab a few things. She and her family are nearly being eaten alive by the enemy. Honestly, we stood right there in plain sight near the vitamin aisle and ratted on the devil and shook the family tree for some fresh truth. As big tears rolled down those cheeks, she said one thing so emphatically that it seared straight into my bones:
“I was just thinking about you this morning, Beth. And I’ve just gotta know: have you been here?”
Where exactly did she mean by here? In that place where the enemy seems to leave NOTHING untouched. Nothing unmangled by his crushing iron jaw. The scene of the onslaught. Where Satan seems to systematically and patiently and daily and hourly go for you – heart, soul, and body, and for everything and everyone you hold dear, and for all you know – that you know – that you know you believe. That season where you can’t seem to recover because every time you start to get back up, something knocks you down again. That season that you really do begin to believe will absolutely kill you…and, in some respects, it does. It kills the old you. If allowed to, it stones to death the Goliath within every David, one welting throw after another. Welcome to the sifting zone where Satan gets so much leash that he rips to bloody shreds everything he can get his paws on…but what is really real. What is really left behind when we are stripped bare of all our earthly security and fleshly confidence.
Have I been there, my beloved little sister?
Let’s see. How loud can I say this?? I HAVE BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOY, HAVE I EVER BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And part of me survived. And part of me died.
And the part of me that died, as painful as it was, needed to.
And when it tries to resurrect it’s ugly, deformed, decayed head, I remind it that it is dead, lest it need another killing. Because I don’t want another killing.
I don’t mean my baffling tendency to sin is dead. I deal with that old nature everyday. I can still – almost out of nowhere – vacillate furiously between self-love and self loathing until I’m so dizzy I could regurgitate. But that joint victim and victimizer in me, that violent inner working nurtured at the breast of deceit and raised in sickness with a bent on self-destruction, took what still appears over many years to be a fair beheading.
YES. I have been there. And it was so awful I still well remember almost to the detail. And this morning I was glad I did because my little sister in the faith – a MIGHTY woman of God – needed to hear it.
I got in that car so mad at the enemy and at this brazen, hateful world that I made a bee-line straight to work and clicked the words “new post.”
Big sisters, our little sisters need some encouragement. They need to know we’ve been where they are. Even if they’re not in a season of hell on earth. Maybe their house just smells like one huge dirty diaper. Maybe they just need a nap. Maybe they need a job. God alone knows exactly and truly what they need from Him but this WE can know they need from us: encouragement! And, by God (and I mean that), we are going to give it to them.
Here’s what we’re going to do today. You who are 39 and under get to tell us where you could use some encouragement. You who are 40 and older and willing are going to give it to them. Here’s how it’s going to look:
If you are 39 or younger, you’re going to start your comment with “Your little sister here: …”
If you are 40 or older, you’re going to start your comment with “Your big sister here: …”
Here are the ground rules: (I’m going to warn you. When I’m furious, I can get into a bossy frame of mind and I’m there right this second. But, look at it this way. I’m beside myself in your behalf so humor me.)
Little sisters, don’t snow ball with every irritating, annoying, frustrating thing or relationship in your life. Get pretty quickly to the bottom line. I’m thinking about someone I really do love so much and want to encourage and help when at all possible but her emails to me are so long and about so many things going wrong and so many people going awry that by the end of it, all I can do is throw up my hands and say, “I am so overwhelmed, I have no idea where to begin!” Try, as much as you know how to tell us, to articulate what is really wrong. The real bottom line. Also, please look throughout the post for encouragements that may help you and keep in mind that what the big sisters write to one, they extend to all. Don’t be offended if no one speaks directly to you. Every encouragement is meant for every one of you.
Big Sisters, today is for encouraging our little sisters and that’s all. I know you have problems because I’m about your same age and I have a truckload of them. But you and I have lived long enough to know that we’re going to make it and that God IS going to be faithful and He is INDEED going to bring beauty from ashes and He will most certainly, given enough time, work every single detail out for our good and His glory. No complaining from us today. This post is a N0-Whine zone for big sisters. Life and the devil are eating our baby sisters alive. Let’s GET UP in their behalf, encourage them, and draw out our swords and fight for them. As often as you can, make your comment to all of them instead of just in reply to one of them. There will be exceptions, of course, but it’s crucial that we edify them across the board. They could all use it. You can talk to them or pray for them in your comment. Both are so Biblical and so right.
Now, listen, Little Sisters. One more thing from Big Sister with the big mouth. Get your tails in the Word. I mean it. Get your tails in the Word. NO TIME OFF. Read it aloud when you can’t absorb it or concentrate on it. Get yourself some accountability. Call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised and so shall you be saved from your enemies. Every morning.
One last thing. I left my beloved little sister with an assignment this morning and with the accountability to let me know she’s doing it. I’m going to give you little sisters who are feeling devoured the exact same one: memorize Psalm 25. Every word of it. Don’t tell me you can’t. Yes, you can. Get it printed out, laminate it, and memorize it. Say it over and over and over again. Start today. We can cheer you on and we can fight for you but we can’t fight instead of you. This victory is YOURS. The battle is meant to bring plunder directly to your personal life and family line or God wouldn’t have allowed it. Get up and fight.
Psalm 25.
I mean it.
I’m going to be asking you about it.
OK. I’m sorry for the bossy tone but I am so mad on behalf of you, our baby sisters, that I’m bruising this keyboard.
Now get busy, Girls. I have to be out of the office for a little while several times today so if we go a few hours without any comments moderated, have no fear, I’ll get back to it and get your encouragements posted.
I love you.
Your little sister here:
1)I am having a hard time waiting on the Lord–I believe He will use me in ministry someday. But, I will be 26 this month and each day is a struggle to place my identity in Jesus and wait on his direction. I am so anxious and ready to be on the front lines for the kingdom but it seems my names hasn’t been called yet.
2)Having a spiritually thriving marriage is soooo hard and most days it seems impossible.
Please help, Beth.
Your big sister here…..
Here’s my CHEER:
The very power of God that raised Jesus out of that tomb is living and breathing in you TODAY. NOW. RIGHT THIS MINUTE. That power is not only enough to get you through whatever season you’re struggling in (sin, defeat, deceit, boredom, discouragement, daily grind, whatever) but it’s MORE than enough to whoop the enemy’s tail and leave you VICTORIOUS. Believe it.
Have you seen “Snow White and the Huntsman”? The last thing Snow White says to the wicked queen is profound: “You can’t have my heart.” The devil can’t have your’s either…….if Jesus owns it.
Hugs, girls. All the way around!
(Beth, we love love love you)
Little Sister here:
I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and one on the way. I am dying! While I love my children so much, I am tired. I am having cramping pains, sciatic nerve pain, headaches. Just not fun! I do love my children and so thankful to be with them. I lived and worked in China for 6 years and my husband and I had the opportunity to go back this summer. We had to cancel due to being pregnant. Heartbroken, I tell you. And now I am struggling with being in the Word. Will you pray that the Holy Spirit would fall afresh on me. And that I would be faithful to DO my part and be in the Word? I now have an assignment, Psalm 25.
Your big (old) sister here….
GOD is FAITHFUL. He indeed is GOD ALMIGHTY! Almost 40 years ago as a brokenhearted teen from a broken family, whos prom queen crown meant nothing, who felt empty inside in the “God is dead” culture, who found herself honing her creative gifting in art college (a world of anything goes)..through a faithful fellow student was sought & found by JESUS, Who has rocked my life ever since. He IS the Rock! (fyi-my earthly father’s name was Rocky..quite the contrast)
Before I knew Jesus I had already decided I would never marry. In June I celebrated 36 years of marriage to my beloved artist friend. There has been much to rejoice and sorrow over and there will be much to come. BUT—the LIFE, the ONLY life, is IN Christ. He holds all together, giving grace, wisdom & strength & hope & JOY that is found in Him alone.
Hold Him, study Him, abide in Him, look to Him, rest in Him, follow Him, serve Him, love Him. Whatever you are facing or will face…Jesus is (has) the answer.
With love from a former dead artist,
Susan L.
Your big sister says that you cannot know VICTORY without a battle. But, don’t lose heart because Jesus has already won the battle for you. He is the victory. You cannot know Him unless you are with Him and He draws you to Him during the hardest times in your life (usually because we don’t kick and scream so hard and are more willing to go with Him). Out of every tough season in my life, Jesus has proved Daniel 2:22 true for me: “He reveals deep and hidden things. He knows what lies in darkness and light dwells with Him.” When I’m clinging to Him for dear life, Jesus shows Himself to me and I get the chance to know and love Him more. I feel less afraid because I know that He knows the darkness all around me and He will get me through it all. I tell myself the scripture out loud when I’m afraid. If you haven’t been able to memorize, then read it straight out of the Bible. I believe it more when I say it out loud and frankly at this point in my life, I don’t care who hears me. The truth is that the devil cannot stand it when his plans to move you away from the Father don’t work but backfire instead when you call out to Him. Isaiah 43:1-3 is one of my favorites – “Fear not! I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name. You are mine. WHEN you pass through the rivers, I will be with you. WHEN you pass through the waters, they will not sweep over you. WHEN you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR.” I love you guys so much! Hold on tight to Jesus’ hand, He knows the way out.
That is so true, Thanks for sharing your heart.
Big Sister here!!!
Little sister here: My marriage is suffering greatly! My husband cheated on me, he may lose his job (must pass his retake exams later this month), he’s just started going to AA and I am exhausted (we have 2 young children)! Yes, it is so good that he is seeking help for his alcohol addiction, praise God! We are working on our marriage and I am having such a difficult time. Will the intimacy ever return? I know there are many others who have been there….would love some encouragement!
Stephanie, I am technically a little sister too but as one who has been through the pain of unfaithfulness, you can thrive! It is possible for your marriage to be great. Addiction is a hard road but God can do great things. I am a few years down the road and work with women weekly who are in the midst of this pain. Get yourself a wise Godly woman you can talk to. If you can, find some ladies who havr ”been thers” and meet, study, and pray with them. Pray, pray, pra y. Sweetie God wants your story to be one that tells His story of redemption and restoration and the enemy wants you to be fearful and useless. Don’t let Satan win. Hold your head up, cry out to God, and rebuke the enemy. Pray scripture all over your home and Family. And when uou hurt so bad you need to cry, go to the closet or bathroom and cry out to God. He loves you and knows your pain.
Thank you!
Your big sister says, I feel your pain, Lord do I. God has had me fall in love with my not-always-easy-to-love husband time and again…much to my surprise and even dismay! And in that, intimacy returned. A big time God-Miracle -believe me. Hang in there sweet sister, Jesus is faithful and all that you need.
Be encouraged! John 16:33b In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome that world!
I don’t know about you, but I find much comfort in that fact!
Thank you so much!
Stephanie, See my post number 113 I think, it was written just for you and those going through what you are. I have been there in the last 2 years…..I too have 2 young boys and my husband of 22 years has walked away from our marriage for someone else….devestation…..but there is victory in Christ, claim it and seek GOD. I will be praying for you,
Tanis
Just read it, thank you!
Big sister here: Stephanie, keep working but not being responsible for the outcome. Give it (and him) to the Lord every day and don’t take it back. Surviving and rebuilding from infidelity can take years to heal. Give yourself time (and him). Don’t expect trust to come right away (even if he proves himself). He is dealing with a lot of temptation even if he has come clean and confessed. Keep praying, laying it at the Lord’s feet, lay it back down every time you pick it up, and get in a counseling program with a Christian woman therapist or group. You can’t do it alone. Take care of YOURSELF first so you can be emotionally and physically healthy for your children. Intimacy returns gradually as trust is rebuilt. Just the thing we need to consider as we read about Nehemiah and how he salavaged and rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem. God bless you Stephanie!!
Thank you for the encouragement!
Your little sister here,
Tired, yep that sums it up. Two young children, part time work to make ends meet, chronic pain, never ending list of people who “need” something from me…… The never-ending tired leaves me feeling short fused, with very little grace or mercy to extend especially to my kids and husband. My prayers for energy or a new outlook seem to bounce off the ceiling. I claim verses regularly but it seems like every time I make a little headway the accuser is ready to pounce, arrows aimed right for where they do the most damage. Beating me down, belittling, reminding me of my failures and shortcomings. Looking for encouragement……
Your 39 year old little sister here anxious once again about finances. I’m thankfully a stay-at-home mom and feel very blessed to be able to do that. My husband has a great job, but the money just does not stretch far enough. We are not extravagant at all. We do have some student loan debt. I know the Lord has shown Himself faithful in the past and I wish I wasn’t anxious about money. Guess I just need to hear it from you lovely older ladies that God is faithful and He will provide what we need! I know it, but it helps to hear other people say it!
“Your 52 Year Old Big Sister Here…”
My husband and I married when we were 19 years old. We had two children 19 months apart when we were only 23 years old. As a stay at home mom there were days I thought I was gonna go crazy. I didn’t work those first few years of their lives and making ends meet or doing anything extra on one income was always so difficult. I remember feeling so bad because my husband worked so hard and we were always just making it from pay check to pay check. Looking back I am so thankful for those times when I had to fully trust God. We had both been raised in Christian homes & had been taught to tithe and give & we tried to be faithful in doing that & God always provided. I want to encourage you to know that these tough times really won’t last forever. We are now both 52 years old….the kids are grown and on their own and we are enjoying this stage of our lives so much. We have a grandson and another one on the way & spending time with them is the most fun ever!!! I started doing Beth Moore’s studies about 10 years ago and I can truly say her teaching has been one of the greatest encouragements in my life. Stay close to Jesus. Stay in the Word. Pour your heart out to Him when you feel overwhelmed. Trust Him. He is faithful. He has come that we may have life. John 10:10.
I’m praying for all of you and hope you can feel the love and encouragement!
Valerie
Your Little Sister here: I have a 10 year old son with Autism and Type 1 Diabetes. I also have a 5 year old daughter I am trying to protect, love and nurture just as much as her brother. In all honesty, there are days I wonder how I will make it 1 more day. Please pray.
Dear Younger Sister,
I have two children. My son is 21 with autism and my daughter is 19. I have been where you are. You will make it. Just ask for the grace you need that day and He will grant it to you. You are being a good mom looking out for both children. And loving both so much. God sees you! Blessings and my heart cries out to God on your behalf and others like you.
Thank you!
Hi Stasi: I’m actually a little sister but I’ve worked in the field of ASD for 12years. I often have conversations with parents who feel much like you seem to be feeling – a combination overwhelmed and guilty. Overwhelmed at how much the child w ASD requires and guilty about how little is left for your typically developing child. I would like to present a different way of thinking about it. Instead of looking at it as an “equal” or “as much” thing, maybe looking at it on a “by need” basis would bring you some freedom. Really, if you step back and look at it logically, your daughter doesn’t need the same things as your son. Your son has greater needs that require more. If you were to try to do for your daughter what you do for your son, it would probably overwhelm her, b/c that’s not what she needs! She needs what SHE needs, not what he needs.
When I was at a conference a few years ago, adult siblings of people with ASD spoke and the thing that struck me the most is that from a young age they really got how much more their sibling required, and they were OK with that. They weren’t bitter or resentful. The only thing they really wanted was just some special time now and then with either or both of their parents. They didn’t expect their parents to be at every soccer game (for example), but it was really special to them when their parent made the effort to attend one or two. Actually, these people spoke about the blessing the person w ASD was to their family, and for many of them it helped shape them into caring, compassionate people and it even shaped their career choices. So don’t despair-God has a good plan for your daughter as well as your son! I believe that if you continually cover your daughter in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to make you sensitive to when she needs something extra or over and above, to help you identify that need and meet it. My concern is that if you attempt to go over and above every day, and attempt to give her what you give your son, you will burn out eventually. So, give yourself a break, take a rest, and trust that God can direct you to meet both kids where they’re at and with what they need. Maybe go grab an ice cream with your daughter!
“Alone time” with my daughter helps. Thanks!
Stasi, I have a son with Type 1 Diabetes as well. He’s 11 years old. I know you’re exhausted. No one understands Type 1 unless you’re walking the same road. And your son has Autism as well…But never forget that you can do this!
God created you for this very reason! (Jeremiah 29:11)
Before the foundation of the Earth, He planned for you to take care of your children. (Eph 2:10)
Throughout your entire life, God has been preparing you for this moment. (Esther 4:12-14)
He’s not going to let leave you alone in this fight. Take it one day at a time and trust in His power to get you through the day at hand. He will!
I will be praying for you!
Type 1 is so hard. I will pray for you too!
Praying for you. I am too dealing with the Azburgers end of this autism spectrum lifting you up. HUGs and Love hold on to Jesus, he is our Grace.
A little sister here, I have felt exactly like this for the past few months! I have gone through a family tragedy where I have felt betrayed by my own flesh and blood. On top of that,, I have my own little family to take care of in the midst of my husband’s very demanding ministry and he is going to be out of the country for a little bit, while I somehow manage things here and am 8 months pregnant. I really don’t feel like I can take any more!
Big Sister Here:
Oh my, bless your hearts. As a mother of three adult children, I’ve lived through SO much of what you are going through. First of all, I agree with Beth, spend time with your Lord. I am a morning person, so getting up early worked for me. If you’re a night person, spend time at the end of the day!
Don’t give up on God! He is faithful. I promise you that if you pray, God WILL answer. It may take a day, a month, or even years, but God will answer your prayer. Pray for your children. When they are in trouble or sick or down, give them to God. He loves them more than you do!
I’m 64. This year I’m going through breast cancer, but because of my previous relationship with the Lord, He is as close as my heart. My sweet husband and children who I have prayed for over the years are here for me. There has been more joy in these last six months because God is so good! One more time……Don’t Give UP On God!
Your little sister here..
is discouraged because I feel like I know the Lord has called me to work with orphans (specifically feel called to return to China one day), but am frustrated because I feel stuck. Stuck in a job that I dislike, stuck living at home at age 23 after two college experiences gone bad, stuck with no way to finish said degree without going further into debt, stuck with crippling fear and anxiety that I don’t even know if I heard the Lord right and he still wants to use me.
Dear little sisters,
I am 9 days past being a littler sister so I have to grow into my big girl shoes and SHOUT, and I mean SHOUT, some encouragement to all you who are hurting, this will be to myself as much as to you!!!
GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE IS GOOD- this is not a lie and is always true!
I have been through the worst 2 years of my life and I have sought Him with all my heart and soul and HE HAS BEEN FOUND BY ME ON A DAILY BASIS!!! I have had to do my part, that means DAILY seeking in his word and prayer, listening and allowing my emotion to flow as often as needed. In my desperation HE was all that I had left and that is EXACTLY, where He wanted me to be–ALONE. He has taken the shattered heart and he has bound it back together, it is not all whole yet but oh sister is it starting to be a PIECE OF WORK!!!! I am telling you HE can make all things beautiful, but your sacrifice of time with him is required. Your sacrifice of PRAISE is required. He is waiting for you to turn your tear stained face to HIM ALONE so that He can HEAL YOU. As much as you would like this to be about someone else that has hurt you, it really is not……it is only about you and about HIM. Run through the darkness to the dawn, the sun rise (SON RISE) and He will run to you as well, his embrace will heal and you will have ALL you need.
2 verses that I have clung to and you will to:
John 15:16 “You did not choose Me, but I chose YOU!….” Isaiah 61 verse 4 says you will be REBUILT, RAISED UP AND REPAIRED….further on says….For I , the LORD, love justice, I will clothe you with garments of salvation, then into chapter 62…(your going to love this!!!!) he says, You shall be called by a new name…you shall no longer be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate….for the LORD delights in you…..Surely your salvation is coming…. and verse 12, oh my what a joy:
“They (you) will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord; and you will be called SOUGHT AFTER, the City No Longer Deserted!!!!!!
This verse spoke to me one day as if God himself was speaking it, may it be so for you today as well.
Remember God’s word is living and He is waiting for you to open it up so He can pour love directly into your heart and to heal your wounds. Please sister turn to him, give your all to HIM ALONE…..
He is FAITHFUL AND HE IS GOOD…… I AM PRAYING FOR YOU.
I love you my litter sisters in Christ and Praise Him for my pain that He is healing that it may bring Him glory and help others who are on a similar path. Our reward is sure and our faithfulness and obedience will be rewarded, if not seen on earth, we WILL have our eternal reward.
I cannont wait to meet you in heaven some day….
Tanis
THANK YOU. I needed this today.
Your little sister here could use encouragement in mothering. I have 3 children that I stay home with and also homeschool. I love my “job” but often feel I am not enjoying this season and cherishing it like I wish I could. My kids are 10yrs, 9yrs and 7yrs. I want to enjoy my kids and not be so irritable!
Little sister here…
I just celebrated my second wedding anniversary with a man whom I love deeply and I have been loved very well myself. However, our first years of marriage have been deeply marked by my parents divorce after 35 years of marriage. I have been struggling with how to be a daughter to both of my parents while supporting my mom through depression. God has been so faithful, but wow, it’s hard! Thanks for your wisdom and encouragement. No matter what reputation my generation garners, we really do want to hear from those who have been there and want to share genuine relationship with us! Thanks for prompting this discussion, Beth.
I’m a 35 year old sister. My husband ,46 years old, is having health problems numbness in his left foot due to sciatic nerve pain, back problems and rotator cuff probllems even after surgery a few years ago. Due to needing to be on pain meds for these things he can’t get a job. I’m the financial support for him and me. My teaching job wants to cut my pay another 10% this coming year due to budget shortfalls. They already cut my pay 10% last year and we lost our house.
I know that God is our Provider and am trusting him to meet our needs.
Little sister here…
1) I was date raped a few months ago and I can’t seem to find away to get over it! Everyone I admire as women of faith are so overwhelmed by their own situations that I feel guilty about needing them! I so desperately want to heal and find my way back to my sweet savior who seems eternities away from me now! I need prayer!
Technically I’m a “little sister” by Beth’s parameters, but I’d like to offer you encouragement anyway.
I was date raped 13 years ago during my senior year of high school. The fear is overwhelming. I got married just a few years ago (it took a LONG time to feel comfortable dating again), and even now my husband has to wake me up once in a while because I”m crying out in my sleep. I’m visiting my parents right now, and they’ve since moved away from my childhood home where everything happened. Yesterday, I don’t know what got into me, but I took a drive. The house that I grew up in is a place that I NEVER thought I’d ever be able to be again. In my mind, everything about that place is associated with awful and ugly memories. But instead, with Jesus, I was overwhelmed by the beauty I saw there. I don’t know that I’ve ever been that filled with awe before. The Bible says that He will bring beauty out of ashes. And He does. But it takes time.
I will definitely pray for you. I know the hurt and confusion you’re feeling. I’ve been there. I’d recommend finding a GOOD Christian counselor. Emphasis on ‘good”! (The first one I went to basically told me to just get over it and move on, which really isn’t possible in the moment.) Also, know that you’re not alone. Statistically, one in four women go through rape. Therefore, you can be confident that you’re not alone. Someday, God will use you and your story to encourage other women, but be patient. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Unlike anything in our fast-paced culture, healing can be frustratingly slow. But, keep your eyes on Christ and it will happen. Someday you will be able to look back and see God’s healing hand in this time.
And don’t feel guilty about asking for prayer! That’s what Christian sisters are there for!
Big sister writing specifically to little sister Kristen. Having been where you are now over thirty years ago, I can tell you you will pass through this time and you will be victorious over this hurt and despair. Someday, you will even forgive. I know this to be true. Do not let Satan use this to drive a wedge between you and God. Know that God was there, He ached with you, but, He allowed it to happen for a reason that you may never understand. Don’t get hung up in the whys, only look to Him to bring comfort and healing. Beth is right, scripture is what you need now. I clung to Psalm 139 and memorized it in my time of despair. However, RUN don’t walk to seek excellent Christian counsel that will allow you to grieve, to wail and mourn what has been taken from you. Every tear the enemy has forced upon you will be sown into seeds of righteousness. Your big sister assures you of that and is praying for you!
Big sister here (technically a little one, but in this case, i’ve been through hell with my date rape so i want to raise my voice!)
Thank you so much for having the courage to write it. In revelation it says, “they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony” and when i began to confide in some great big sisters about being date raped, I felt a little freer every time i did.
One of them suggested (rightly so) that i find a great counselor/therapist – actually, she gave me the name of one who specialized in sexual trauma – and i’m SO glad i went. I was very reluctant, but it was something that really helped. You can’t heal inside of your own head – you have to talk to someone qualified to walk you through such a deep healing. Just trust me on that. If it is cost-prohibitive, call around to different churches and see if they offer something like that for free. I know in my area there are several that do.
About the guilt: my guess would be something in your head is wondering if it was partially your responsibility…you had a drink or two, you were wearing suggestive clothes, you send a signal or something – THOSE ARE LIES! The enemy, for years, had me convinced it was somehow the result of something i did. And that was probably the most devastating part. We’ve heard “No means no!” our whole lives, but until i heard, “only yes means yes” did i feel a peace.
Lastly, feeling distant from God might happen for a while, and it’s OK. I would put a couple slow quiet songs on my iPod and fall asleep to them vs. praying. I found that at night, when i’d lay down, my mind would RACE and REMEMBER and in doing, betray me – so listening to music helped calm my mind and put me to sleep all while building an intimacy again with God. I felt him there as worship was sung over me.
Most of all, know it is a process and it’s OK and that there are waves of grief. God is big enough for them – and there are many many many women who, as you tell your story, will find freedom to tell theirs.
many blessings over you
Big sister here: Kristin…just the fact that you can write those words on here is a step in the right direction! Time and prayer sweet thing. I had a similar incident(stranger) happen to me when I was 22 years old (31 years ago.) I know that everyone says, give it time, and it seems so cliche. But it is so true. A few months is not that long ago, so it is not unusual for you to be feeling this way. We always want immediate healing. Please believe God is faithful and that healing will come, and along with healing, you will, believe it or not, begin to find ways to turn this whole thing into something positive. Obviously,it’s not a positive thing that it happened, but your life can be changed in good ways! Stay in the Word, pray, keep asking for prayer and you will come out of this a stronger person! Please NEVER feel guilty for wanting/needing someone to talk to, or asking someone to pray for you! I am so sorry that this happened to you. I will be praying that you soon begin to feel God’s presence and start seeing the sunlight a little more every day. Sweet hugs and blessings to you my little sister!
Little sister here again…I’m not sure how to respond to all of your posts but I wanted to say thanks to all of you who responded! Tears stain my eyes even now and as I read your messages! I’m overwhelmed and also encouraged that each of you took the time to share your stories and also that you all “made it!” I have taken all of your advice to heart and covet your prayers! As a 25yr old who lives alone and has no connection to family it is nice to know that there are still people out there who will reach back when you reach out! Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!
Kristin,
Your big sister here:
I am so sorry to hear that this terrible this happened to you. It happened to me too, when I was in college. Know that it breaks God’s heart when these things happen. Because of sin it does, but God will use even this for His perfect will and our benefit. He did in my case. Please know I am so proud of you for sharing. Shame is a tool the enemy uses to keep us defeated. The enemy also uses the feeling of being lonely to isolate you. Don’t worry about bothering a fellow Christian woman to ask for help. God will provide you the right one. Maybe a woman in your church or a local Christian counseling service. Some churches provide this service and Focus on the Family has a pastor counseling line. Please continue to pray. I know from experience God is faithful! One day, you will leave this at the alter and only remember it when God brings you someone to counsel.
Much love and prayers for you my sister,
Christine
Little sister, I am a lil Sis too..but I had to reach out, as i am a counselor. Please know that this was not your fault -no matter WHAT the circumstances were! Jesus still sees you as his pure bride, and weeps with you over what has been done to you. I would strongly recommend you find a good Christian counselor in your area or go to your local sexual assault center for counseling. You are not alone and this is not your fault it is okay to ask for help.. Jesus brings beauty from the ashes. Prayers and hugs!
Little sister to little sister, thank you for reaching out! Its so nice to hear that “it was not my fault” but I can’t help but shoulder some of the blame! It has taken me until now to acknowledge that it was in fact “rape”! As you pray, please pray that my mind will not condem me, and that I will have the courage to seek help at my church. The guy is also a member, and a so called “preacher”, so the situation is sticky to say the least. Thank you again for your response!
Lord Jesus, in the power of your name I pray protection for kristin’s mind! Give her courage to seek help and lead her to the right person. Bring justice as you allow her to rest safely and securely in your arms. Your word says there is no condemnation in you…and I pray her heart will be set free from any condemning thoughts.
Kristin if you don’t yet feel comfortable seeking help at church, you might find someone outside that isnt involved so you can be completely honest and trust your counselor. If you live in a large area, google Christian counselors and your city and there is probably a database, or just ask your church for a counselor recc ( u don’t have to say why)..I would strongly sugeest a woman in this case, so you can be 100% comfortable. If I can help anymore feel free to email me at [email protected]. Will keep praying for you!
Little Sister here…
How do you always know just what we need?! Thank You, God.
My season has lasted just over a year. I’ve been attacked with fear like never before–overwhelming, crippling, can’t-breathe fear. I had victory over it in the past (during the scripture memory years) and I thought I’d beaten it. But, my goodness, no victory lately. Just bruises and defeat and tears. I feel like I’m on the verge of something…either of a giant breakthrough of faith and BELIEVING THAT GOD IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS, or of ending up in a straightjacket, in a little room with padded walls. I’m going to see a Christian counselor for the first time next week, and I do have a few dear friends holding me up. I’d love some big sister prayers! I know that He’s faithful…I just want to KNOW it, you know? 🙂
Little Sis to another little sis:
I KNOW the kind of fear you are talking about! I have lived with it most of my life, and like you, have experienced times of victory AND defeat. You said that you had victory in the past during a time you were memorizing scripture. Girlfriend – get that sword out and start memorizing again! The enemy knows where you are vulnerable and knows right where to get you. He is just waiting for that moment for you to drop your shield of faith so he can pummel you with his fiery darts some more. He doesn’t give up, so you can’t give up either! Getting the Word into your mind and BELIEVING IT has worked for you before, and it WILL work again! You know why? Because God IS faithful to His Word! God was faithful THEN, and He’ll be faithful AGAIN!
Your big sister here says…. I understand about your parents divorce after a long marriage. Mine were married 25 years. I also understand about divorce from personal experience as my own husband of 32 years wanted one. I understand from the daughters’ perspective , and I also have seen my own daughter going thru what I did all those years ago. All that to say , I UNDERSTAND your very deep and real heartache. I felt like the world should stop turning , while everyone else went on with day to day normality, while I was shattered into pieces.I felt like someone pulled the rug from underneath my foundation. But I tell you what. It broke me and the Lord allowed the brokenness to open my eyes to things I had never seen before. ( Never WANTED to see , but the LORD wanted it .And HE is what matters. )The LORD comforted me when no-one else could. He caused me to look at my own pride of not having divorced parents/never been a divorced woman. He gave me the opportunity to see divorce and the REAL MESS it makes out of everything it touches. God allowed me for the first time to have a very deep compassion for the divorced. It isn’t always a giving up , sometimes a divorce happens because just ONE in the marriage gives up and insists on getting out. Divorces in Christians may be the worst. Because we KNOW God says He hates divorce , but sometimes the judgement is harsher with Christians. Don’t forget that God’s word also tell us that we are now in NO CONDEMNATION because of Christ Jesus !! Your mom may need to be reminded of this. In the Old Testament , it says that HE is our husband !! Your momma needs your support , yes , but know that she has to grieve and mourn on her own , in her own timing. It takes a bit of time to recover from such a long marriage. You don’t have to shoulder this burden alone. First of all , dear little sister , give your pain to the Lord. Tell Him how you hurt , how it hurts to see your parents like this , how you feel devastated , just tell him EVERYTHING on your heart. Ask him to comfort you , your mom , your daddy , family and friends. Ask the Lord to show you how to go on , and how to live this new life. Cry to Him , and put it all out there. He WILL , because he IS FAITHFUL , show you His way , in His timing. And it will be perfect. He doesn’t LIE to us , sister. Be patient ( I know I hate that word too ! ) and obedient , and **TRUST** Him , just like you do for your next breath. And I tell you what else; those people who look like their lives are going on like a walk in the park , many of them are HURTING inside too. Some of THEM wish the world would stop while they grieve , too ! As Beth said , get in the Word and read read read , and maybe cry cry cry it out while reading , but God WILL speak to your heart and comfort you. BELIEVE HIM , little sister. He has great plans for you and your parents. He loves them even more than you do. He’s wanting to bind up their broken hearts as well. Remember too , that NOW is not ALWAYS. Now is not always. Your mom will find new coping skills. She will gain new strength. It may take a while , but she will do it. Continue to love her and pray for her. Maybe invite her to go and do something with you. Like to an art exhibit or a walk in the park. And if your dad remarries ( my dad did , and my husband did )… it will be all the harder… so a little advice… if you like the new woman , don’t go overboard in expressing it. By all means , don’t lie to her , but you don’t need to go into details with her , but show her in word and DEED ( very important ! ) that YOU are her mother , that dad’s wife is NOT anything like a mother , that you could never feel like that with the new wife. Your mom may need to vent , and it may feel safer with you , because she’s feeling raw and vulnerable. But over time , that will lessen. She may be very moody , and cry easily or most of the time. This is normal for awhile. MANY churches now have DivorceCare , a non – denominational Christian program , that is VERY helpful. I went thru it as have many other divorced women I have met. Your mom needs her anchor ( Christ ) now more than ever. Her Christian friends can love on her and see her through this. Same with you. Let your church love on you and hold you up for awhile. When you are stronger you can return the favor one day. But for right now , this is a time of healing and for accepting love and encouragement. You WILL make it little sister. You will !! I won’t lie to you and say it won’t ever hurt again. It hurts much less after time. It feels sad , but not devastating like it does when its a fresh divorce. You may always in the back or even forefront of your mind , wish that mom & daddy were still together , but it won’t feel so bone-crushing HARD like right now. It will feel better as you see them coping better , or when you see improvement in your own grief. It does take time. God is with you in the waiting period , sister. He’s known about this all along, and knows where he’s going to take you. He wants you to trust Him EVEN IN THIS. I was so mad at God during my own divorce. I turned my back on Him , to be honest. I felt hurt , betrayed even , by God , because He didn’t protect me from probably my worst fear– of having to be divorced. He is showing me even NOW , the new ways. I’m learning to trust Him ALL the more. I believed I was trusting Him with all my heart before , but through this sifting , I learned that I wasn’t. I cannot say I’m glad I’m divorced , nor can I say that I’m glad my parents divorced. What i CAN say is that I’m SO THANKFUL for the RICHNESS of life in learning to trust God more. To put GOD FIRST in ALL things… that has been my refuge and my reward. He’s showing me in new ways how to trust and He’s leading me into different ways now. Yes , it’s hard. But the PEACE is here. Know little sister , you are not alone. You are NOT ALONE. It IS sad , but one day we will not cry anymore. We’ll be with Him for all eternity where there will be no sin and no heartache. We persevere , all of us together. My heart and prayers go out to you little sister !! Again , get in His Word , cry to him , talk to him , and TRUST Him , and be patient to wait for His perfect timing. He loves you and so do I. <3
From a little sis: Just want you to know that you are not alone! I have struggled with fear and anxiety all of my life. I too sought out a Christian counselor because I just couldn’t take it anymore. She helped…but in the end it comes down to trust in God and completely relinquishing control. I would love to say I’ve “arrived” in this area but of course I’m still human…it’s a process. I am praying for you!!
Little Sister here. Bottom line…I need encouragemen in living daily for Christ and direction to help me filter through ministry options. Leaning towards chaplain.
Praying for intimate small group of women to embrace me and me to embrace them!
Thank you, God, for this platform.
Praying for our time together in Austin this weekend, Beth.
Big Sister here:
Huge point Beth said: read the word aloud as much as you can! I’m 47, and still do it. There is something more powerful that sinks deep in your soul as you are verbally proclaiming God’s Word back to Him! I read something the other day that said: “That old saying “If you feel far from God, guess who moved?” It makes a clever bumper sticker, but it’s not always true. God does step back from us sometimes, just to give us the experience of seeking Him.” This is true, little sisters, but you just have to KNOW & BELIEVE that He never leaves you, that is where your faith must come in! He is always there, and look at how many big sisters you have praying for you all. We are united as one today!
Your little sister here is pregnant with baby #2, and my husband and I have barely any money. We are being sued by credit card companies because we have been unable to pay those bills, being barely able to scrape by with the necessities. Basically the duration of our marriage (three years) has consisted of financial stress and frustration and dead-ends and desperate prayers. We need a breakthrough. Thank you for your prayers and support, big sisters.
Sweet little sister Robyn,
Your post made me stop. And it made me cry and I prayed for you and your precious little family. What I know is this: Jesus is right beside you in this, and someday you will look back and see, He brought you through it. You will make it through and you will learn. Do the very best you can with what you have…ask God to show you the way out of this. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says this: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” In your situation, the temptation is to despair…to believe that life will never be different, that you will never be able to manage and certainly never thrive. While you pray for a breakthrough ask God to show you how to manage on so little money…ask and expect His guidance. Seek out solid financial guidance(Crown Ministries or Dave Ramsey). I know what you are going through, I went through this too! God used our financial struggles to teach us about what we really value, and to teach us to live within our means. He will teach you too, he wouldn’t allow you to struggle this way if He didn’t have good purpose in it! Trust, sweet one.
Love from a big sister ~ Lina
Big sister here:
I also am under attack, with a daughter diagnosed today with pneumonia and headed to an intense music camp tomorrow. However, God has been showing me how to gain strength through His word and my feeble attempts to connect with Him. Praying that His words will touch someone else today as well.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him. Exodus 15:2
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,” Isaiah 30:15a
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29
Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Little sister here:
This is definitely to the point…I feel like God is so far away from me right now and I’m still serving and in the Word daily so I’m just not sure what’s going on :/ it hurts and it’s hard especially since I’m about to start seminary in August. All I want is to be close to Him!
Your little sister here …
I’m dealing with flat out feeling overwhelmed!
Gettin everything done & doing everything to His glory & so many decisions with my career coming up
Just….
Overwhelmed
Your little sister here:
I’m 28, married, and feel like I’m on the edge of something great. Whether it be singing/music aspirations, or having children, or continuing the children’s counseling business that I began three years ago, I just know He’s got something prepared for me. But the waiting is mind numbing. Especially when you see amazing stuff working out all around you. I feel that “thing” may never come. It is so easy to get discouraged. Prayers appreciated, encouragement needed!
Your little sister here:
I need restorative rest. I am excruciatingly tired. I have recently been diagnosed with narcolepsy (for more detailed explanation you can visit here http://happymcfamily.blogspot.com/2012/05/narcoleptic.html ) but have suffered the ramifications of that for decades with no answer. Now we have the answer (praise God) but so far my body doesn’t tolerate any of the solutions we have tried to treat the symptoms and we are running out of options. Today I am running off a solid 30 minutes of sleep and about 15 more broken up minutes. I have a 6 yr old and a 1 yr old. God’s grace amazes me.
The good news is I’m no worse off than I was pre-diagnosis. I’m just still exhausted. Thanks big sisters.
Your big sister here:
Just a few days ago I was pondering Psalm 25 too. As I wrote down my thoughts on what I had read it really stood out to me how David started out! He started out with PRAISE!
“To you oh LORD I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my GOD.” Psalm 25:1
He starts by putting his focus ON GOD first before looking at the problem. This way of thinking and dealing with difficulties is still new enough to me that I need reminded often. Beth is so right about STAYING IN THE WORD. It’s hard to be strong without it. God’s words need to be the LOUDEST!
I’m grateful to some of the women in my local church that have encouraged me to live a life of praise. I’m grateful also for people like Beth Moore and Lisa Bevere who even though I’ve never met them face to face God has used them to mentor me in the direction of a life of praise,purpose and true power. I’m grateful that when we pray to God and we praise him BECAUSE HE IS GOD that things DO change!
Paul and Silas were praising and praying when God rescued them from prison…and the jailer and HIS family GOT SET FREE TOO! Wow! There’s more going on that our own pile of problems and our powerful GOD wants to rescue way more people than just us!
Thanks Beth for reminding me that the best way to get encouraged is to encourage someone else!
Thank you for giving others this challenge and opportunity!It IS encouraging to encourage others.
Thank you Beth for caring so much about so many women!
Beth,
PLEASE DO NOT DRAW THE LINE AT AGE 40!! THAT’S NOT FAIR! Who’s to say that 40 makes one a “big sister”? I am 40, but I could really use some “big sister” encouragement too. Maybe even some “little sisters” can be encouraging as well to those older than them.
I’ve been feeling attacked in many ways and have felt bad enough sometimes to wish a hole would just open up and swallow me. The worst part is that I’m struggling just to believe what I’ve always believed in. Whatever it is, it bombards my mind 24/7. Sundays are the hardest days sometimes. I have some friends who know, but they are in a very different stage of life and I often have to deal with this alone.
I’m single, never been married, and so I feel unworthy of being loved in that way, no matter how much I want to be. I love my job, but it’s been temporary and casual for so long and that gives me financial insecurity.
But I will look at Psalm 25. Fair enough.
Jennifer
Jennifer – I’m only 6 months into the “big sister” age cut off and let me assure you, I need as much encouragement as I am able to give out. In some ways, I think our age is tough because we are old enough to know what we want (a relationship with God) but young enough not to know how to achieve it.
I too am single, though it’s the result of a marriage to to a spouse who was unfaithful to me and ultimately unbelieving in God. Talk about a double whammy. I can tell you that God has filled that void so richly that I am honestly comfortable laying my future marital status at His feet. If He wants me to be married, He will bring that person into my life, He will make that discernment clear to me, and I will rejoice in it. If He doesn’t, I’m not going to meddle in His plans. I’m going to strive to discern His life for me and pray He lets me rejoice in whatever that life is.
Am I where I thought I’d be at 40? OH GRACIOUS NO! Am I where I am supposed to be right now… I certainly pray so!
Christy,
Thank you for your beautiful reply. I’m truly sorry that your marriage did not work out as you hoped it would.
It also seems to me that you’ve already figured out how to achieve what you want. He’s filled that void for you, and that’s good.
Please forgive me, but as I read your words (and those of others, not to single you out personally), I find them a bit cliched, so to speak. But they describe your experience and feelings, and nothing can take those away. If you feel peace, that’s wonderful. Who am I to argue with that?
While I know that no person or a marriage can fill that void, nonetheless, it still exists for me.
I sincerely hope you will be blessed beyond anything you can hope or imagine,
Jennifer
@Jennifer: I know how you feel. I truly do. The stuff I shared above is not because my outward circumstances is so awesome right now, but because JESUS has been my rescue @ every corner in a valley that is 4 1/2 years deep. I can honestly say that every step of the way he has shown himself to me in obvious ways that have been amazing!
Some people say we are not hard enough on ourselves. Others say we are too hard on ourselves. I thought I had to do life alone and have nothing and because I wanted to please God…I actually tried to do life alone and have nothing. I was believing lies the enemy was telling me and it has been in community that God has been slowly peeling back the layers of lies and helping me to defeat the enemy of my soul! Jennifer, because I can share your hearts concern on so much of what you said I am going to commit to praying for you every day until the end of this month! May you feel God’s love and even though we have never met know that my heart goes out to you. -blessings & love, Stephanie McConachie
Stephanie,
Thank you for your kind words in your reply. While I can relate to your “valley” and the length of time in it (mine’s about the same), I don’t connect with your experience with Him. But that’s your experience and nothing I say can take it away from you. Perhaps that’s what it is for you, and for me, it will be different.
Thank you also for your desire to commit to praying for me. It’s kind of weird (and scary) having someone you don’t know and will never meet say something like that, especially in this forum where one has to be careful what to say (and why I don’t do any social media stuff – I’m really nervous at simply commenting let alone replying to posts!)
May God richly bless you, Stephanie, for your desire to please Him in all that you say and do.
Jennifer
@Jennifer:
Sorry. Did not mean to make you uncomfortable. Know that I am just praying God’s best for you (as well as all women) and that he would take you deeper into his word and that you would be able to hear, know and see him and the work he is doing in your life on your behalf!
Blessings,
Stephanie
A caring big sister here: As I’ve read through some of the posts from little sisters, I’ve noticed that several have included “I feel…” statements. Girls, FEELINGS CAN LIE! (The only way I can write this to you is because I’ve been there!) Please remember that believing and trusting are choices – you can choose to believe that God is faithful and that He is worthy of your trust, or you can trust your feelings. If you have been in relationship with the Lord for any length of time, then you have experienced His faithfulness at some point – remember that when those negative feelings come your way. Be strong, girls – HE IS FAITHFUL! “May the God of HOPE fill you with all JOYand PEACE as you TRUST in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)
Your little sister here:
I’m 30 years old. I finished school, Au Paired in Germany for a year, finished university, got a degree in Communications & Psychology, went to South Korea to teach, came back to South Africa and I am currently studying education to be a teacher for kids age 3-9. I am an Au Pair for a family with 2boys at the moment. I feel as if I can do nothing right in the eyes of the mom. Mom wants one thing, I do it that way, mom isn’t happy. She wants something else. I feel like a miserable failure, working with her kids. She never has one good word to say to me and when she is under pressure, she LOOKS for problems. I feel like her punching bag.
Add to this the fact that I am 30, single, still studying, living in a small miserable space that is not furnished and I am not allowed to teach until I am qualified, despite having 3 years of experience. I feel like a huge failure! As a Christian, I realize that this is just a season….but I honestly don’t know what to do to stay positive and keep doing my best….
Big sister here: Love, love, love. And that kind of love can only come from God. Perhaps, God has placed you here to minister to that mom and Satan is using her attacks in an effort to drive you away. Hold fast to what is true. God loves you and has a plan for you and pleasing Him is utlimately only what matters. You have a huge ministry not only to those two little boys but their momma, too. Praying for you.
Little Sistere Here…
I dread waking up every morning. Dealing with overwhelming physical problems involving multiple seizures a day, other potential brain issues & now menstual problems. I either need a miraculous healing or doctors who want to & are capable of helping. Many pass me of to another. I’ll be seeing my 9th neurologist in Sept. I having a hard time holding on to the promises I knew God made me years ago, including having biological children. I’m constantly scared about my health & my future. Worried if I have a future.
Emily, this big sister is praying for you. Dear Jesus, help Emily to know that your promises are new every morning and that your faithfulness never ends. Be with her today, let her see your face clearly and know how much you love her. Give the doctors wisdom. Help her to know that she does have a future and it is a future of hope because you have it all planned and prepared for her. Amen.
Your little sister here: Oh man do I need this today! The enemy is coming at me with doubt and fear. He “pesters” me with these things often. They bring about a divided mind that wavers and is uncertain. 3 years ago I went through an intense season of warfare that I literally thought would take my sanity. One of the forms it took was intense fear of what seemed like an inability to control the images and thoughts that came into my mind and panic attacks, usually at night…I’ve never experieced anything like it. God has saved me out of that, but my brain learned to have a physical response to fear. The enemy taunts me by trying to use those old tricks and bring that intense fear back. This usually begins with doubts then spirals from there. I’ve been faithfully in God’s word and I feel him on the rampage.I so know God is FAITHFUL, but I’m tired.Thank you for your encouragment. On to Psalms 25 I go!
Big sister here!
Dear little sisters:
I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 21 in 1980 and I can tell you that no matter how tough things seem and how far away He may feel, He will never leave or forsake you and that is a promise from His word. You can also totally trust the Lord to take care of you financially and materially. One time in my early 20’s I was waiting in my car at the drive through at the bank, and I was feeling so down about my job and lack of finances….a little bird flew and landed on the hood of my car and just looked at me right through the window. (Have never had that happen before or since!)….suddenly, I ‘heard’ in my spirit “You see this little bird, I take care of it, what makes you think I can’t take care of you?!” and it was a loving gentle voice I heard!! And He always has! God has always been faithful to meet my needs even when I am unfaithful, and when I trust him with my life, my finances, my health, my marriage, everything, no matter what, He sees me through. I’ve been through two hip replacement surgeries in the past year at age 53…little sisters, if you are going through health problems, God will see you through. He is always more than enough and more than faithful. I will be praying for you all!
Your big sister here…
Girlfriend(s), you are not alone.
Truth in Scripture, first and foremost.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Truth in real life, second. I believe, I really, really do, that there is someone who would love to pray for you, share life with you, get Starbucks and treat you, babysit for you, bring dinner to you, and even weep alongside you. The Lord will provide, keep your eyes open for those he might put in your path, the unexpected meeting. Do not fear, but ask with a gentle boldness, for help. It is our privilege and even greater joy.
Little Sister here,
As I ready Miss Beth’s blog today, tears welled up in my eyes. It has been 9 years of pain and sorrow… starting with my husband having an affair while I was pregnant with our second child. Our marriage has since ended, but I have been in lengthy and ugly court battles with him as well as many face to face verbal altercations. He verbally berates me and intimidates me when he is angry. I am broken and just want it to end. I have also lost my father in a terrible car accident and my mom has been fighting a lengthy battle with breast cancer. Please tell me that there is a purpose for all this pain….
I humbly pray for reprieve.
Praying for you Elizabeth Emma. What a heavy burden of sorrow you are bearing. I am hearing the song Amazed in my memory right now, and want to pass it along to you. Find it on Youtube by Desperation Band.
“You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
How wide, O how wide Lord
How deep, O how deep Lord
How great, O how great
Is Your love for me
Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
How You love me”
I’ve been there. Your husbands words are hurtful, but they cannot trump what God says about you. After every battle, ask God what HE says about you. Perhaps you can set some boundaries to limit verbal interactions. Prov 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” As Beth says in “Believing God” tell yourself “I am who GOD says I am – I’m believing God!”
I am praying for you. There is purpose in it, though you may not see it now. Keep looking to Him to meet every need…you will see it. Cling to His promises. Don’t give up – brighter days are coming!
Your little sister here.
I will become a Pastor’s Wife as of September 1st. I am nervous about this. I’ve been married for 14 years, but this is a career change for my hubby. Can you please give me ideas on how I can best support my husband while at the same time guarding my heart and mind from becoming jaded or taking church things too personally?
Thank you so much! I so desire to serve my husband and My God well.
Mrs. Ritz,
What an exciting and scary time! There are some great books out on being a Pastor’s Wife. Grab them and read them. My biggest piece of advice would be to his wife and best friend first. Your first priority is to be HIS wife, not the “Pastor’s” wife. Next, I would say take everything to God first and let Him decide what you take to your husband. I’m not saying don’t share your feelings and such with him, but maybe chose your complaints carefully. He will get enough complaints just being the Pastor. And yes you cannot take everything so personally. My husband always tells me..they aren’t attacking us..they are attacking God…when the hurtful comments come.
It sounds like you are already off to an amazing start just by having the heart that wants to do the right thing!
Thank you so much, Cindy. I will hold your advice close to my heart in the days ahead. Particularly the note about being HIS wife, not THE PASTOR’S wife. That hits home for me. You are a great big sister! 🙂
Amen to all Cindy said. As a big sister (and minister’s wife) I would echo what she said “be your husband’s wife, not the ‘Pastors’ wife” You married him, not the congregation.
My husband went into ministry 18 years into our marriage – total career change, total financial change. I made all the classic mistakes, thinking I had to re-invent myself to fit into some ministry-mold. Don’t do that, just be who God made you to be.
With eyes wide open, know this: The politics will happen, sad to say. The critics will come. Not everyone will like you. (hard for us people pleasers to take). But always always ALWAYS remember to “remain in HIM” because He is the reason you’re doing what you’re doing. Stay out of the business at hand and remember you are the only one who can minister to the minister.
I’ll be praying for you! Blessings on your new adventure!
One more thought:
Although I agree about not taking all your complaints to your husband (there’s enough of that to go around), you two MUST be able to talk to each other. You must be each other’s sounding boards.
Maintain the safety and intimacy of your marriage that you have enjoyed up until now. It’s hard to go from marriage in one capacity to marriage in another, meaning a secular career to ministry. It suddenly seems like there are alot more people who have some sort of influence on your time, your family and your home life. (I hope that makes sense) It is a change.
You must trust each other with your hurts and frustrations, as well as your successes and joys in ministry. You’re a team! God bless you!
We ARE a team! Thanks for the reminder. “You are the only one who can minister to the minister.” Love that. I’ll be tucking it in my pocket and holding it close in the days ahead.
Big sister here: Just wanted to pop in and give a little encouragement. I’ve been married 19 years to a minister. Hopefully your husband will be supportive of whatever you choose to get involved in…..or not involved in. I had little ones so folks didn’t really expect me to be very involved at first. As the kids grew, I got involved in areas where I felt my own calling, but there were also periods of time where I was not involved, other than attending church and supporting my husband. He supported me in that which was wonderful. It can be hard to not become “jaded” but again, try not to take things personally. Keep praying and communicating with your husband. I would echo the earlier advice not to complain too much about the church….there will be enough of that from everybody else. Best thing you can do is keep a happy home for your husband to come home to! Good Luck and God’s blessings on your family.
Got it, Maintain a happy home. May I never forget the vast importance of this simple directive. I will make it my aim, with Christ’s help. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.
Thank you SO much, big sisters!!! I had tears in my eyes reading through your encouraging notes and I am encouraged! I just want to ask all of you to make sure you are mentoring a little sister. I have been praying for a woman I can look up to and gain wisdom from who has been through my situation (working full-time with young children). I am thankful for the virtual encouragement if I can’t have someone physically by my side!
Your Big sister here…. Kristin, breathe. Mourning and loss take lots of time. I don’t really understand the term ‘date rape’. (Like it is something different when you kinda know the guy!?) Rape is rape. Something precious and God-given was taken from you. Choice. As a former victim I learned to look at crime/violence of one person against another through Jesus eyes. How He, inside of me, suffers at the hands of others. How He, inside of him (HE IS omnipresent) suffers the committing of crime against the weak. How He, seeing time eternal sees the scars that just kinda don’t heal, the generational (sometimes) evil that gets passed down… but then, He sees His plan of healing, His plan of grace, His plan of killing in us what isn’t useful to Him or Us, His bonding of us to Him, His perfect (if not difficult) solutions. I am praying for you. This story of yours has a precious place in the Kingdom of God. It’s not bigger than you, but it’s big. It’s not something you can’t fight, but you have to fight to find God, good and grace in it. And… when God is fighting for you, stay still. Let Him speak peace to your heart… you can rage again another day – only for Him to speak new words of peace.
One day, you will pass those words on. I am praying for you. …and I am so sorry you have had to experience THIS kind of pain.
Much love
Thank you for your sweet, encouraging words! Your prayers are greatly appreciated!
Your little sister here…
I’m getting ready to apply to medical school and my finances are currently in an uproar. This transition state I’m in has given the enemy means to make me question all the uncertainty in my future. Am I going to get accepted? Will a Godly man even care to marry me given the amount of debt I will accumulate from med school? Not to mention that I come from a broken family – an area the enemy loves to throw in my face because “no good man wants a woman from a messy family.”
Nicole, I’m a little sister too, but I really just wanted add my own encouragement!
A truly Godly man is going to love you for exactly who you are; not more or less because of your debt, family members, past, future job prospects, where you live, your dog, or anything else…that’s not love, that’s selfishness! (How good does she make me look?) There’s a difference between a “Godly” pedigree and a Jesus-like character, no matter the past!
I have never heard that quote and I’m sorry that you have! Dismiss it. It’s not Biblical! You focus on being the best (future) wife you can be –and hang in there! Find what the Word has to say on finances, following God, and true Godly, Christ-centered marriages. If you put your life in God’s hands, He is faithful and will lead you in His plan for you!
Jesus has such great things in store for you-I love you, dear sister, and am praying for you!
Your little sister here:
Weariness. Loneliness. Believers being fake.
These are a few things that bring me down… and I’m sure they bring others down as well.
Your little sister here:
A few months ago, I said “Yes” to the Lord in a simultaneously terrifying and over-the-top exciting way by beginning the application process to serve overseas for a couple of years with a missions organization. Now, in the middle of the process, completely overwhelmed by endless paperwork and facing the reality that I may not get placed for a position similar to what we previously discussed, I find myself in a fight to prevent utter discouragement from taking over. And although I have a great supportive family and a Faithful Savior, as a single 26-yr-old, it has been far too tempting to feel like I’m walking in this discouragement alone.
Your little sister here could use some prayers for my family. In this year my maternal grandmother died of cancer leaving our family homeplace to enter her heavenly mansion. My mother who is my bestfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer. My husband lost his job. I am a mom of two under three…which overjoys me, and overwhelms me! It has been a very difficult time and I feel that my family is under attack! I know this side of heaven I will always face trials, but I would really love a stress-free moment.
Big Sister Here…
When you feel like you can’t take on anything else, and you are unable to find your way out of the pit God sees you and knows exactly how you feel. Even better, He knows how the whole thing turns out. His plan is for your best. No matter what. During a difficult time recently I memorized Psalms 29:11..”The Lord gives strength to his people, the Lord blesses His people with peace.” I just love that. Not only does he want me to have strength, but He desires for me to have peace….in the midst of chaos, hurt, fear, and uncertainty…even in exhaustion from life in general. Believe Him for it, ask Him for it….He will never fail to answer you.
Your big sister here…
I’m still living life and struggling just like you, but here is what I have learned and held tight to. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is FAITHFUL; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Hold tight to His garment, little sister. HE IS FAITHFUL and you are not alone!! 🙂
This little sister here….is lonely. Mostly in the church. I have many “friends” but every time I have had that soul sister friendship, it ends. I KNOW I can only rely on Christ. He is my best friend. I have never put my relationships ahead of Him. He is my One and Only. Yet, God MADE me for fellowship. He made me relational. I am tired of mean girls in the church-even sitting next to me in bible study!!! Why have so many forgotten the most important command, LOVE!!!!!!????!!!!
Honestly, besides Jesus and my sweet hubby, I feel like Beth Moore is my only friend. (That may sound weird but I do her studies daily with my husband.)
Thanks for listening. God bless you all.
Steffanie,
Don’t give up looking for friends, I have moved several times in my life and know it isn’t easy to make new friends. But loving sisters are out there; join new groups, look for a place to minister, serve or volunteer – keep on loving others every chance you get. Pray.
Big Sister here struggling with the emotion of so much wanting to help- but the help we all need comes from the LORD! He is the answer. We need encouragement from our sisters though and I urge you to have accountablity partners, prayer partners, bible study partners, coffee drinking partners… Lift each other up before the Throne of God. Do not isolate yourself even with your beautiful children, we need sisters to walk with. We NEED the encouragement of the Word of God, but sometimes we need somebody else to pray It over us. Waiting on God can be painful but trusting Him brings peace. When it becomes difficult to pray or read the Word -reach out for a sister to pray over you – we love to do it.
Littlest sister here:
I long and desire to have an older woman pouring into me and to let me know that it’s gonna be okay. I’ve been struggling with my identity lately. I don’t want to be another one of those girls with “daddy” issues, but im hurting so bad. I desire to one day be a wife to a godly man and a godly mom to my children. However, how can I do that when I don’t have a clue who I truly am in christ. The enemy has really just been attacking my thoughts lately as to who I say that I am in Christ. I grew up with a very hard father and I find it hard to respect him as a man. I didn’t feel cherished or protected as a little girl should have and now I have the tendency to be extremely independent and have the “I don’t need a man” tendency. I would just love some words of wisdom in where to go from here.
Little sister here…
I am struggeling with being the jealous one and being happy for a dearest sister of mine because I’m so afraid that in her new happiness she is going to forget the happy times we had…
Please pray for me…
Your little sister here…
I graduated with a masters degree last December, but every door I tried to get into my “dream job” (which I’ve felt was ministry to college students- and I got my degree in that)was shut. This led me to stay at my current school full time and pursue a second degree. I recently had 3 job opportunities, all of which were VERY exciting, and I was rejected for all 3 in the end. I am discouraged. Not sure if I’m even going in the right direction. Please pray that the Lord would either give me direction in another area or open up the right door in the same area I’ve been looking. I’ve just been “rejected” for so many jobs that it’s really starting to wear on my heart. Anybody ever been there?? How did you pray through that season???
Erica, I have been there. In fact, I am there. I’m a “little” sister but wanted to take the time to tell you you are not alone. We talk so much about how to deal with rejection in relationships, but rejection from career opportunities stings too.
Something that has been helping me is to really focus on rooting my identity in Christ. What you (we) do is important, yes. But it is NOT “WHO” we are!! Your worth does not depend on which hiring manager says yes to your resume.
I don’t have clear answers since I’m going through it too, other than to say that God walks with you, and he WILL illuminate your path.
Older sister here –
Make a choice little sisters, choose to believe He is able to do and be everything for you. Decide you will have the faith to continue to live for Him. Do not go on how you feel, but on what you know and what His word says. A wise man told me that faith is “reaching into nowhere, grabbing a hold of nothing and holding on until it becomes something.”
Love and Blessings to each one of you.