I’m really ticked. I just ran into a beloved little sister in the faith on my way to work when I stopped off at a grocery store to grab a few things. She and her family are nearly being eaten alive by the enemy. Honestly, we stood right there in plain sight near the vitamin aisle and ratted on the devil and shook the family tree for some fresh truth. As big tears rolled down those cheeks, she said one thing so emphatically that it seared straight into my bones:
“I was just thinking about you this morning, Beth. And I’ve just gotta know: have you been here?”
Where exactly did she mean by here? In that place where the enemy seems to leave NOTHING untouched. Nothing unmangled by his crushing iron jaw. The scene of the onslaught. Where Satan seems to systematically and patiently and daily and hourly go for you – heart, soul, and body, and for everything and everyone you hold dear, and for all you know – that you know – that you know you believe. That season where you can’t seem to recover because every time you start to get back up, something knocks you down again. That season that you really do begin to believe will absolutely kill you…and, in some respects, it does. It kills the old you. If allowed to, it stones to death the Goliath within every David, one welting throw after another. Welcome to the sifting zone where Satan gets so much leash that he rips to bloody shreds everything he can get his paws on…but what is really real. What is really left behind when we are stripped bare of all our earthly security and fleshly confidence.
Have I been there, my beloved little sister?
Let’s see. How loud can I say this?? I HAVE BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOY, HAVE I EVER BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And part of me survived. And part of me died.
And the part of me that died, as painful as it was, needed to.
And when it tries to resurrect it’s ugly, deformed, decayed head, I remind it that it is dead, lest it need another killing. Because I don’t want another killing.
I don’t mean my baffling tendency to sin is dead. I deal with that old nature everyday. I can still – almost out of nowhere – vacillate furiously between self-love and self loathing until I’m so dizzy I could regurgitate. But that joint victim and victimizer in me, that violent inner working nurtured at the breast of deceit and raised in sickness with a bent on self-destruction, took what still appears over many years to be a fair beheading.
YES. I have been there. And it was so awful I still well remember almost to the detail. And this morning I was glad I did because my little sister in the faith – a MIGHTY woman of God – needed to hear it.
I got in that car so mad at the enemy and at this brazen, hateful world that I made a bee-line straight to work and clicked the words “new post.”
Big sisters, our little sisters need some encouragement. They need to know we’ve been where they are. Even if they’re not in a season of hell on earth. Maybe their house just smells like one huge dirty diaper. Maybe they just need a nap. Maybe they need a job. God alone knows exactly and truly what they need from Him but this WE can know they need from us: encouragement! And, by God (and I mean that), we are going to give it to them.
Here’s what we’re going to do today. You who are 39 and under get to tell us where you could use some encouragement. You who are 40 and older and willing are going to give it to them. Here’s how it’s going to look:
If you are 39 or younger, you’re going to start your comment with “Your little sister here: …”
If you are 40 or older, you’re going to start your comment with “Your big sister here: …”
Here are the ground rules: (I’m going to warn you. When I’m furious, I can get into a bossy frame of mind and I’m there right this second. But, look at it this way. I’m beside myself in your behalf so humor me.)
Little sisters, don’t snow ball with every irritating, annoying, frustrating thing or relationship in your life. Get pretty quickly to the bottom line. I’m thinking about someone I really do love so much and want to encourage and help when at all possible but her emails to me are so long and about so many things going wrong and so many people going awry that by the end of it, all I can do is throw up my hands and say, “I am so overwhelmed, I have no idea where to begin!” Try, as much as you know how to tell us, to articulate what is really wrong. The real bottom line. Also, please look throughout the post for encouragements that may help you and keep in mind that what the big sisters write to one, they extend to all. Don’t be offended if no one speaks directly to you. Every encouragement is meant for every one of you.
Big Sisters, today is for encouraging our little sisters and that’s all. I know you have problems because I’m about your same age and I have a truckload of them. But you and I have lived long enough to know that we’re going to make it and that God IS going to be faithful and He is INDEED going to bring beauty from ashes and He will most certainly, given enough time, work every single detail out for our good and His glory. No complaining from us today. This post is a N0-Whine zone for big sisters. Life and the devil are eating our baby sisters alive. Let’s GET UP in their behalf, encourage them, and draw out our swords and fight for them. As often as you can, make your comment to all of them instead of just in reply to one of them. There will be exceptions, of course, but it’s crucial that we edify them across the board. They could all use it. You can talk to them or pray for them in your comment. Both are so Biblical and so right.
Now, listen, Little Sisters. One more thing from Big Sister with the big mouth. Get your tails in the Word. I mean it. Get your tails in the Word. NO TIME OFF. Read it aloud when you can’t absorb it or concentrate on it. Get yourself some accountability. Call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised and so shall you be saved from your enemies. Every morning.
One last thing. I left my beloved little sister with an assignment this morning and with the accountability to let me know she’s doing it. I’m going to give you little sisters who are feeling devoured the exact same one: memorize Psalm 25. Every word of it. Don’t tell me you can’t. Yes, you can. Get it printed out, laminate it, and memorize it. Say it over and over and over again. Start today. We can cheer you on and we can fight for you but we can’t fight instead of you. This victory is YOURS. The battle is meant to bring plunder directly to your personal life and family line or God wouldn’t have allowed it. Get up and fight.
Psalm 25.
I mean it.
I’m going to be asking you about it.
OK. I’m sorry for the bossy tone but I am so mad on behalf of you, our baby sisters, that I’m bruising this keyboard.
Now get busy, Girls. I have to be out of the office for a little while several times today so if we go a few hours without any comments moderated, have no fear, I’ll get back to it and get your encouragements posted.
I love you.
Your little sister here: Are any of you perfectionists? And has your perfection nearly sabotaged you at times? What would you say to a little sister who loves Jesus and knows His freedom–yet struggles with grasping for constant control? Thanks, big sisters!
Little sister, I know exactly what you mean! I have struggled with perfectionism for years, but only recently have I realized that my struggling for perfection was really a sign of the underlying struggle – righteousness by FAITH and not by works. I would have never recognized it that way, but after some long introspection, that’s what it really came down to for me. I was trying to be good enough to deserve God’s blessing in my life. When I finally realized that I am not only saved, but also sanctified, by His grace alone and not by my own do-good-ism, it was so freeing for me. I wish I could say that the change in my heart took place in that instant, but I will have to admit that it is still a work in progress. I daily have to give to Jesus my need to have things be perfect so that I will feel worthy of Him. I am NOT worthy of Him – bottom line. It is only by His grace and His sacrifice that I am made righteous. So my trying to do things well enough was such a pitiful effort at deserving Him!! As I gave it over to Him daily, He began to do a work in me, tearing down that pride and arrogance. I still like for things to be nice, clean, put away, but perfectionist no longer the god it was for me. His grace is enough.
your big sister here: emily freeman’s book, Grace for the Good Girl, is such a help for us who are set on doing everything “right.” it’s on amazon & i promise it’s legit.
Sweet Kirsten,
I was raised by a perfectionist who also found time to be a work-a-holic. I found myself working hard to make plans that I would fail to carry through on because I always saw something I could do better so scrap the first plan and create another.
Yep, that was me. I had to deal with three primary issues to be free of this issue of trying to perfect what I laid my hands to… but first let me say that doing things with excellence is a godly characteristic. However, trying to do things with excellence to such a point that it destroys relationships, sabotages achievement and keeps you relying on yourself… That is another story – a counterfeit of what God designed us to live in.
So my three things:
1. Trust. Proverbs 3:5-6 “TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart and LEAN NOT to YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways and HE will make your path straight.
If I read this correctly trusting God with all my heart and leaning not to my own understanding is what we call SURRENDER. And in so doing we choose to allow Him to be seen in everything we do and allow Him to perfect everything concerning us. The deal is: GIve up control to be perfected. All of it depends on Him anyway – you can only do what you are able to do and nothing more. Let Him have it sister.
Can I tell you this trust thing went down hard with me? Yes, I am only about three years into this kind of surrender. And still some days it is a struggle to stay there all day long. In 2009, just about three years to this day, I stood at my kitchen table readying myself to go out to church when I heard in my heart, “You don’t trust Me.”
I honestly responded, “Of course I do. I trust You.”
He said, “No you don’t. You don’t trust people and therefore you must not trust Me. If you did, you would not worry so much about people and you would just allow Me to take care of them.”
OUCH! Over the next two years He planted me safely in the halls of Pastoral Care at Gateway Church where I learned to lay down my control, my inability to trust, and He even healed some wounds that pushed me in that direction. One of the most important was ANXIETY. I would push myself to the point of anxiety by not asking for help and trying to do it all on my own. From either God or People. Yes, the first thing you have to do is Surrender in Trusting God to take care of you and everything concerning you.
2. FEAR. Psalm 34:4 “I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Fear had a strangle hold on my life that contributed to my inability to trust God. It robbed me of joy, and caused me to confess agreement with the enemy more times than I care to recount. I lived through about five years of overcoming my worst confessed fears come true. I survived. I found I could not control what happened or the outcome no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. I also learned that breaking agreements with fear and breaking association with things that cause irrational fear to rise up in me were keys to setting me free.
My top two confessed fears: 1.) I would outlive my children. 2.) My husband find someone else. Both of these came true within a three year period of time. I had to not only face down my fears and look that ugly monster square in the eyes, but I would have to turn, run, to God and let Him have them to be truly free of them forever. SInce that time, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of pain, and fear of what others think or say about me have fallen to the love, peace, joy, victory and acceptance of God. It did not go easy, but I am so grateful to still be with God after my very own season of Fear Factor. As a side note, we sent one of my children home to heaven for safe-keeping (see Comment 581) and still have four adult living children who are wonderfully successful and finding the lives God has for them along the way.
3. Understanding how I’m “bent.” Proverbs 22:6 (Darby Translation) “Train up the child according to the tenor of his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” When we arrived at Gateway I had some very specific ideas about what my calling would be. I wanted to be on the ministry staff of a church and be teaching from the platform and leading people to healing through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Just two weeks ago I let go of my position as an administrative assistant on staff at the church in order to pursue the business and ministry God has fashioned me to accomplish. I could not have done that without working through and learning to understand why I think the way I do, how I process information, what my particular skill set, strengths and talents lend themselves to and without pursuing my own deeply revelatory and personal relationship with God. So my advice in this is to find out what your Strengths are (You can take the Clifton Strengthfinders Test at http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx?gclid=CIK42endirECFUu9tgodqFMuLw) and learn more about how they operate in you. The Strengths test results will tell you about them and you can get a life or strengths coach if you have trouble making sense of them. Take a spiritual gifts assessment and ask the Lord to show you how He sees you.
But more than that – ask Him what He wants you to lay down about yourself and how you do things as well as what He wants you to take up. His heart is for you and He will grant you the desires of your heart. You need only ask. His word tells us we have not because we ask not, but if we Ask, Seek and Knock, He will answer, we will find and the doors will be opened. But it starts with identifying the areas in your life where you need to repent and confess self-sufficiency and surrender to God.
I pray that you find Him faithful as you learn to let go of your idea of perfection so He may introduce you to His own!
Blessings, M
Big Sister here….. little sis, I have been through some FIRE in my days (and will be again no doubt)…some self-inflicted, some out of nowhere, and I assure you that regardless the Lord has NEVER forsaken me. He will not forsake you either. Whether you feel Him beside you or not, He IS right there with you every moment, working things out for you that will take your breath away when you realize how He delivered you from this. He is SO FAITHFUL. You will look back and see, I promise. Walk on little sisters, bury your heads in the WORD and believe it. It is never as bad as you think it is because God is better to you than you yet realize.
Big Sis here: Amen to previous post. I am one of those that needs a memorized scripture or wise quote to help me in time of need. The one that has helped me most is, “Let go and Let God”. I learned from childhood to buffered and perfect every situation, trying to keep the peace in my family. This was with much fail, but I still carried it on in adulthood. I thought each situation must be perfect before moving own….that I must be perfect. We all know how this panned out for me. I have learned by the grace of God and much sifting, that He a lone is perfect. That I do what God given talents allow me to do, anything that the Holy Spirit is leading me to , and the rest is God’s. Takes a daily humbling and a realizing this is a form of pride. Thinking I am perfect or can perfect anything without Him.
Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear 🙂
Donna THANK YOU! Such a powerful statement and just what this little sister needed to read.
Your little sister here, I’m struggling with believing (how that is so different from knowing) that God forgives me for my abortion and that my little girl is with him in heaven. I can tell others what they need to hear, but I feel like a scared five year old trapped in a 25 year old’s body just wanting a daddy to love her.
Can I ask you a question? Is this an issue you carry in private, or have you talked with people openly about it? The reason I ask is this: I may not have experience with abortion, but I do have experience with carrying secrets that you are afraid will one day come to light. Satan can use secrecy to make you feel all kinds of emotions like shame and guilt that Jesus wants to free you from. But once people know about it, the power that secret holds over you is broken. It no longer has the power in your life that it once did. I would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk with about it. Discuss with them how to tell people this so that it loses its grip on you. You were made for freedom, little sister. Walk in it!
A few people know but I don’t know how to connect my heart and my head.
Little/big sister here…I have and am were u are at Christian therapy is what I am going though right now. God has already forgive you if you asked for forgiveness . But Satan will keep making you feel bad in anyway he can. You must learn to forgive yourself. And know one day you will be with your daughter in heaven. I’m praying for you.
Big sister here – Brittany, my heart aches for you as I have been just where you are. I am praying that our God, who loves you more than you can ever imagine, will silence the voice of the enemy FOREVER in a such a way that it will be impossible to deny that He is the one who did it. Here is my testimony as I wrote it a few months ago. I hope it helps comfort you and I pray that God will speak loudly and clearly to you in your struggle. NOTHING you did or could ever do can separate you from His love!!
“I spent most of my life in church & accepted Christ as a young teen. I knew that God had a plan for my life and that all life is precious. BUT, at the age of 18 I became pregnant and I made the rash decision to “fix the problem” by having an abortion. I spent the next twelve years out of relationship with God and other believers and with too much alcohol, too many boyfriends and very little self-respect or direction. During that whole time I justified my decision to end my baby’s life to myself and anyone who would listen. BUT God knew I was broken by my choice and needed to be delivered from a burden I didn’t even realize I was carrying. Through a song, a book and a man at a church service who prayed and prophesied over me, God delivered me. “What was barren has been made whole” is what MY GOD spoke over me that night through a man I had never met, at a church I had never attended! Although the pain and regret of the decision I made will never fully leave me, the shame and guilt are gone forever. My baby is safe in the arms of Jesus waiting for me. The accuser tried to devour me but MY GOD was, is and will always be MY DELIVERER!! Will you let Him be yours?”
Dear Little Sister, The depth of God’s devotion and love to us is not even understood by the angels. He loves us with an unfathomable love, but it is intense and unrelenting, and always unconditional. Condemnation is always a tool of the enemy. If you have asked Jesus to forgive you (for any sin), fully believing in Him as your Savior, then it is done. You were created for His glory (everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. ” Isaiah 43:7). For each of us, regardless of our sin, He is able to use our past for His glory in our future. He brings “beauty from ashes”. Cry out to Him, talk to Him daily about what you are feeling and let Him bring you healing. Sometimes, I’ve only been able to say “Jesus”, but there is power in His name and He knows what you need. Call on Him as many times as you need in a day. Read the Psalms and keep specific healing scripture close at hand. Say it aloud. You, little sis, are a child of God. He longs for you to be set free. The word “Hosanna” was originally a call out for help to God, but is more known as a word of praise. I pray as you cry out Hosanna it will become your prayer and your praise. May you be encouraged by His Scripture: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3. Let His death be enough, Dear One, because it is enough. I pray His mercy and love penetrate you to the bone and you bask in His great love and forgiveness. Ashes to beauty, Dear One, for His glory. Love and prayers, Rhonda
B: I’m a fellow little sister who is post abortive. I didn’t even know we had a “title.” God led me recently to Carenet and the Healing Tides ministry bible study. I have NEVER been open about it or acknowledged it hardly to myself or anyone. Carenet and the study was an amazing resource a thorough processing of the grief and Gods truth about my own precious baby. We celebrated our baby’s life and passing just this Friday at the end of our study. We named our babies. It was truely beautiful and something that I seriously would have never done. My heart goes out to you and all ladies who have an abortion experience. God knows our pain and He is our comfort and healer. Reach out there is deeper healing to be had.
Xoxo Jaclyn.
Dear Brittany,
A fellow little sister here…
I am telling you this as a 26 yr old woman who has also questioned God’s forgiveness for my abortion…
He has already forgiven you. He forgave you the moment his son died on the cross for you. The Lord knows the pain, guilt, and shame that you are experiencing and He desperately wants to free you from them. He comes running to hold you in His protective arms the moment that you cry out to Him…trust me, He has done it for me.
You can most certainly find healing from your abortion and learn how to grieve for the death of your daughter without shame. I highly recommend that you contact a pregnancy clinic in your area. Here is a link for you to find a local clinic http://www.lifecall.org/cpc.html. All the services are free and most (if not all) pregnancy clinics have a post abortion department. Another great resource is Rachel’s Vineyard…the link is here http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/. Rachel’s Vineyard is a weekend retreat for post abortive parents. They are amazing in the healing process! I went on this retreat feeling that I was worthless and unforgivable, but I walked our praising God for His mercy and forgiveness.
The Lord loves you so much and it is hurting Him to watch you suffer. It is okay if you don’t know what to say to Him, for He hears the cries of your heart and just wants you to call out for Him. Open your heart to Him.
And as for your baby girl…She is safe in Heaven with my baby girl, Abigail. The Lord is taking amazing care of them. Your daughter knows who you are and loves you so much. You will meet her some day when the Lord is ready to call you home.
I felt that I deserved to live in shame and misery for what I did. I felt that I didn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness. If you feel that way then find motivation in your heart for your daughter. Become the mother that would make your daughter proud of you. Abigail was my motivation and my strength (and she still is). I didn’t want to feel that my daughter died in vain so I wanted to help other women not make the same mistake that I did, but I couldn’t do that until I found healing.
My sister, let our Father take your brokeness and turn it into something beautiful…for He finds you extremely beautiful and will use you for His glory. He will bring joy into your heart and transform you in ways you never knew possible!!
You are in my prayers and in my heart. I am so proud of you for taking this huge step in pouring out your heart on the blog. I already see the Lord’s love and forgiveness pouring out on you!! So excited for you to live out the life that He has planned for you!!
Love in Christ,
Meghan
Your little sister here: For years I’ve grown up as a PK (pastor’s kid) and given of myself because it was required, given so much that I’ve shoved my own self in the closet. Just last week I was in wedding number 7 and realized everyone around me is paired off or married, yet I stand alone and single unsure of my own needs. I don’t know if I can ever find myself that’s been buried for so long, sacrificing instead to ensure others were taken care of. I’m almost 32 and feeling incredibly alone and unseen. When can I stop feeling guilty about saying no to others for once?
Genevieve your big sister here, I grew up as PK also. I understand about constantly giving of yourself for others. I may not be able to speak to you about your singleness though.
However, I don’t believe that God expects you to continuely sacfrice your own needs to be sure that others are taken care of. I believe that you may have what I went through for a long time, a “Martha” complex. You finally have to decide to become a “Mary”. Let others learn to do things for themselves the church family has to learn to survive without the pastor’s family doing it for them all of the time. Don’t make them dependent upon you. I believe sometimes we are doing them more of a disservice than a service. Come away and sit at Jesus feet for awhile. From a former “Martha”
Hi fellow little sister!
I am a PK myself. I got married 7 1/2 years ago at 19 years old.
I still struggle with having shoved myself in the closet for years while giving what little I had of myself because it was “required”.
The advice I give is this:
Cling to the Lord and His promises to you. He will sustain you through those tough times. Seek a relationship with Him first, and others second.
A book that really helped me was “Boundaries”by Cloud & Townsend. If you choose to read it, I pray that it blesses you and helps you.
Your little sister here: is single, in full-time overseas ministry, and overwhelmed. I know I should be thankful that I get to be “on the front lines,” as they say… but I’m just tired. I feel totally inept at what I’m doing. And I feel alone. Sometimes I wish everything had turned out differently.
Hey sweet Catey, we are a missionary family also and life overseas is SUPER hard! I told my husband the other day, “I am just so tired of being SO tired”. lol It is true though! Everything is harder…from the little things to the big things. Please don’t feel alone!!!Satan wants us to feel that way, I think it is the number one path he takes to steal our joy. Just remember….our joy only comes from the Lord. I have suffered much myself and never in my 49 years of life have I worked so hard to keep Jesus in the forefront of my mind. Please feel free to e-mail me privately and talk with me. I know it is hard to find people who “get it”…well…I “get it” and I am here for you if you need someone:)
Ohhh sweet Catey….I forgot to give you my e-mail address!!!! I have been scouring ALL of these messages and I finally found you..again:) Please e-mail me anytime you want to talk.
[email protected]
Big hugs sweet girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This little sister here needs to know what a Godly family looks like. I’m 25, stay at home mom of two little ladies 3.5 & almost 2. I’m in the Word every morning, mostly thanks to LPM studies that got that started, but what does that look like when decisions need to be made NOW & these little ones are looking to me for answers. I’ve never seen a Godly house first hand & I don’t know if I’m doing it right..
LOOK in your MIRROR – that is what a Godly house looks like!!!!
Wherever a woman gets on her knees, asking GOD to walk her every moment, every task into obedience to the Word of God – that my friend is a Godly run house.
It is not easy…but well worth every effort!
Try to find a church to connect with, and hopefully a woman who is kind and able to assist you.
YOU are loving, providing and giving your whole self to your wee ones – you are doing FINE!
Teach your children to read the Word of God too – as you do, that is the biggest gift to them.
I will pray that GOD will connect you to a godly woman in your area to pray with, and talk life over with – it is just more lovely to share together!
GOD Bless you Heather!
My husband and I are about to embark on the trying-to-get-pregnant journey. While he continues to remind me that there is no pressure and is all in God’s timing, that is a hard pill for me to swallow. Please be praying for me as I learn to trust God in a whole new way. Pray for our marriage to be strengthened during this time. And add any of your own prayers as well. Thanks!
Katie – I have been through this journey and will be praying for you and your husband.
Love,
Adrienne
Big sister here… helping out however I can!!
He is faithful. Forever.
In the meantime…He is faithful. 🙂 Do what Beth says – Get in the Word…now. Pray often.
And face one day at a time.
Wow. I feel just that sometimes, alone. Not lifted up, not encouraged. I do have a home with little ones and my job is mostly here, but I do not want to wait until they grow up to be involved in ministry, I just need a little help. It seems to me that there is no time for that, to be helped, and I feel guilty for even asking. Just because your children grow up does not mean that they are not yours. We middles need to be mentored, taught, helped, encouraged, and we have more wisdom than you know, we are just tired. Give us a hand. Give us a heart.
Even though I’m in my 40’s, I do have a young child, my first. My best advice is Beth’s, “Get in the Word”. I get up every day an hour before my child so I can spend time with God. In the beginning it was so hard to get out of bed, I just wanted a little more sleep. My daughter still woke up during the night, often with nightmares, etc… I was exhausted, but during Breaking Free, I made a commentment to start every day wiht God. I can tell you that I felt more refreshed losing the hour of sleep than I did staying in bed. God is faithful and you will reap what you sow.
Your little sister here…
Blessed to have been married twelve years, have a 2.5 year old son, a baby girl due in the next 2 weeks, and a mostly enjoyable career. Our marriage is struggling. We are absolutely committed to each other. Intellectually, we know we love each other. But, neither of us feel loved by the other (as a direct result of not acting lovingly toward one another, no doubt). I know this season will pass, but it’s a lonely season while we’re in it. I’m anxious to be in love with and loved by my man again.
Big sister here: God will do it dear one. I know that He can and will. Keep holding on. Love as only one can love when it comes from Him. I read a quote once by Maya Angelou which I will mangle here, “A woman should be so close to God’s heart that when a man comes looking for God, he finds her.” The only lasting love comes from Him. Depend upon Him to provide it in your marriage. Praying for you.
Mindi, I highly recommend you get the book Love Dare. You can do it for your husband without him knowing or you can do it together. I would also recommend watching the movie Fireproof as it is the basis for the book. It is life changing. What you share is far too precious to let feelings -or a lack of feelings – get in the way of real, no-matter-what, love. You can do this. Be blessed with the birth of your baby girl.
Oops, Your little sister here (I forgot, I have mom brain)……
your little sister here needs prayer for the leadership my husband and i have taken on at church. the enemy is going at us for it. in different ways. my hubby is just feeling so burnt out that his enthusiasm is waning. and i’m struggling with body image issues like never before (seriously, this has never before been an area of any issue for me!) which is distracting me from the important matters at hand.
we were married last summer and while our marriage is STRONG and our faith is deep i know the enemy is trying all sorts of ways to put us off our best game. we’ve taken on the leadership of a homegroup with many new believers which is fantastic, but satan is working to destroy us. particularly using areas that are generally areas of great strength for both of us.
i thank you in advance big sisters for your prayers.
Brie:
The enemy will stick his foot in wherever he can. I’ve been married for 9 years, and I think what I would say to encourage you is to share your feelings with your husband. I find that when I start to feel ashamed or afraid to talk to my husband, that’s exactly when I should talk to him. Most times, I’m amazed at how his thoughts help free me up. The other day, my husband got out his Bible and shared a verse with me, which I found to be super sexy. 🙂
Remember that it goes both ways! You can encourage him too! Even if you don’t feel like it, tell him how wonderful he is, how much you appreciate him, how much you respect him. Find something you can do together for fun, to remind yourself of all the good and beauty there is out there in life.
Re: body image. Are you talking to someone about it? Can you share in your homegroup? I know you and your husband are leaders, but the leaders I’ve always respected the most were the ones who were honest about their struggles.
Lastly, my best suggestion is to sink yourself into Jesus. I’ve been through an intensely tough two years and am just coming out of it. I’ve started getting up early every morning to do devotions, and I’m beginning to think that Beth Moore and Sarah Young wrote their devotionals (via Jesus) JUST FOR ME. Really. It’s been that profound.
The more I seek Him, the more I find him.
I’ll be praying for you, Brie. I would love your prayers as well!
Your sister,
Katie
Your little sister here:
I have been married for two years and a few months ago my husband told me that he had an affair. We are trying to work it out, but I’m feeling very alone, hurt beyond words, hopeless, helpless and worthless.
Kathryn,
I am so sorry, big sister here, Tanis. I have walked this journey, see my post # 113 below. Beth is right, memorize scripture and most of all fall into the arms of Jesus and let him love you, HE IS ALL YOU NEED…..I know it does not feel that way right now when all you want is to have your husband hold you and reassure you, God has to be first and He is the only one that you really need holding you…..Allow yourself to receive his love so that you can in turn give love. I will be praying for you.
Love in Christ,
Tanis
Kathryn,
Bigger sister here. I too walked this road. My husband not only had an affair, he walked out on our family and fathered a child with his mistress.
I was completely broken….but so was he, and PRAISE God, He healed us both. We are still married, and happier than we’ve ever been.
I survived through God’s great grace, and so will you. Pray, pray, pray. Pray for him (even if you just need the Holy Spirit to fuss at him, pray it don’t say it). Pray for yourself (pray for strength, healing, and grace. I prayed “more of you and less of me” constantly). Pray for your family (or just the people who know).
Memorize The Word. When those voices start up, you repeat God’s promises to yourself. I found Isaiah 43:1-3 very comforting. Also, Matthew 5:3 The Message version for both.
Most of all, know that you are NOT alone. There are many women/marriages that have been through this and grown in God’s glory.
Lifting you to the Throne now!
Hey Kathryn,
Little Sister here too … but have been where you are. My husband had an affair while I was pregnant with our second child. I was so devastated and struggled deeply with forgiving him. My lack of forgiveness was my worse enemy. It spiraled me into a dark pit. But Praise God, He is so faithful, and He is SO IN THE Business of RESTORATION! I remember quite well from Beth’s Loving Well study, “Our God is in the Dead Business. He is able to restore your dead relationships, even your dead marriage!” … My 2cents is this, Ask God to help you forgive your husband. Accept your husband’s repentance. And pray for God to give you a new vision for your marriage. You are never alone, your situatioin is not hopeless, you are not worthless! Recognize the lies of the enemy, and speak truth (scripture) to them.
Your little sister here: Hi ladies! A few months ago I finally had a break through in an addiction to pornography, but over the last two weeks or so I have really been struggling. Praise God, I have not stumbled back into the pit, but I know I could so easily. I have also been working through some issues that spring from sexual abuse I suffered as a child. These two combined often make me feel as though I am drowning. Thank you all for your encouragement!
Hannah
Praying for you sister
Big sister here…Hannah,I have been in recovery from porn addiction for almost 1000 days. I understand your struggle and know how you feel. One thing that helped me was listening to Christian music. I too went through abuse as a child, but one thing I know, having people that you can be accountable to is very freeing. Yes, it is a risk, but if you want to be free, get it out into the light. You can fight it! God is there and wants us to be free from shame, guilt, and sin. I love ya and will be praying. I have been praying to find more ways to share my story and to be an encouragement to others, so I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
One thing l learned in a Bible study from Beth is Truth cards
I started studying the Bible and every time I find a verse that jumps put at
me or I feel the Lord speaking to me thru the verse
I put it in a small spiral bound notebook. Somedays I have to
read it 30x a day. Scripture and prayer are the two things
that will give you victory over a spiritual warfare Read it out loud!
Read with confidence! We are overcomers!!!
AMEN SISTA!!!! That is all I have to say.
Your little sister here: I feel so alone. I have a wonderful husband but I need some female friends. I’m feeling like it’s impossible for anyone to want to be my friend and that there’s just something deeply wrong with me thay makes people not like me. I’m scared that my son is being hurt by lack of socialization also. I don’t ever want him to feel like this. It’s almost unbearable.
From your big sister:
Dear Alycia,
This resonated with me because I felt the same way. I was always the girl that did not fit in. Loneliness would capture my whole being, and the pain would be unbearable to the point it was hard to breath. Insecurity would make me even more afraid. People that know me now would have a hard time believing this.
Here is what I did to change that.
First, DON’T BELIEVE SATAN’S LIES!! that there is something deeply wrong with you. Throw that thought right out the door and kick it to the curb. I mean kick it. Stand up right now and kick it! Second, start praying for Godly friends to come into your life. Then be honest with God. I would talk to God and say,
“OK I am feeling really insecure. I know you are lifting out of the pit of loneliness and onto the rock of friendship. Help guide my ways in these friendships. Develop in me a fun personality and a good sense of humor. Help me to relax and be myself around people.Help me to be a blessing to others” ( you take it from there but really lay it out.)
It takes a lot of courage to step out, and start meeting people. Remember what John Wayne said, “Courage is being scared but saddling up any way.” Saddle up Alycia- you can do this.
Feel me hugging you right now, and looking you in the eye and saying, ” you are an amazing friend! I love you!”
John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friends.
Jill,
Thank you so much for that hug! I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for that encouragement. I really believe that you are an answer to a prayer of mine. Thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone and that this is temporary and reminding me to lean into God more than I have been.
I want you to know that you’ve made a difference in my life already. I have seriously printed your reply out and am keeping it around me for encouragement. It makes me cry every time, but they’re good tears.
I love that God can bring strangers together like this to lift each other up! It’s so amazing and I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
Alycia,
Well now I am crying, and like you, tears of joy! God is so good. I am praying for you. Remember you are an amazing friend.
Love,
Jill
I got here too early, but all you little sisters out there, just know, just know, that whatever the problem is our God can handle. I’m lifting you up right now, asking the father to break yokes, set free, open doors, close doors if need be. Lord I pray that you will heal the broken hearted and restore joy to my sisters in Christ! Love you guys.
Your little sister here…I’m 36 and I’ve dreamed all my life about being a wife and mom and it’s never happened. Do still hope? I’ve kind of come to conclusion that I’m just lovable.
See that little “typo” you made? It’s not really a mistake. You ARE “just lovable”. Don’t forget that. Regardless of your marital situation.
Big sister here…”Do Still Hope” because you really are “Just Lovable”:)
I supported my husband for five years while he went to college. He graduated in 2008. He hasn’t been able to get a certified Physical Education job since then. We have a baby, and he needs a job. I need God to show Jamie, my husband, the way.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
Kim
Your little sister here is struggling with feeling like I have to be the head of the household at 19. My father constantly threatens to leave us and my parents often fight and I am left to try and calm them down and protect my younger sister when things blow up. It’s a lot of pressure, so I’ve made many bad decisions to try and relieve that pressure and I’m having a hard time letting go of my mistakes. I want to learn to trust the Lord more with my family and the situation I am in.
Cassie,
I can only imagine what you must be going through right now. Know that in this very moment I am lifting you up in praying and taking you before the throne. I pray for protection for you and your sister. I also pray that God will comfort you and give you strength. I have faced a similar situation in my life and know that God is right there with you, reach out to him, and hold on tight…he is holding tight to you. Praying for you sweet sister!
Jen,
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! I appreciate it so much.
Your little sister here…
Just last night I poured out to my husband just how discouraged I am, and he encouraged me to share my heart with someone else, so I’m thankful for this opportunity.
I’ve been a stay at home mom for six years. It’s what I always wanted to do, and I’m so grateful to be the one to raise our two daughters. But somewhere in these six years of sleepless nights, changing diapers, and taking care of everyone else, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know what my interests are, don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.
Staying home has been lonely and isolating to me, and though I wouldn’t give up this opportunity for the world, I’m also terribly lonely and empty inside. I’m praying for contentment with this place the Lord has me, but I also know there is more for me. I know this season won’t last forever, but it’s a hard place to be.
Wendy,
Big sister here….Hang in there, this season will soon pass. Try joining play groups or call someone from church who has kids same age.Get outside and go to park, great place to meet other ladies in same situation. Also bible study with child care for your kids at church. Tell God to show you ways to connect,He will. Praying for you moms with little ones!
Hey Wendy!
How about claiming one night a week as “Wendy’s Night” to do something without the kids, and without the hubby? There was a season in my marriage when my husband and I seperated for 18 months. We alternated the kids every other week (he’s a great dad!), but for the first time in a LONG time, I had no clue what to do during the week without my kids. When you’ve lost your since of self, and have no idea what you’re interest are, then depression can soon follow. Now my husband and I both have 1 night a week (Hubby is Tuesday, and mine is Thursday) every week. I tried new things, zumba, shopping, food, bible studies, and found new interests! I pray this is worth a shot for you too! :o)
Big sister here: yes it is a hard place to be. me, i’m on the other end of the sphere of life, with me, it’s my parents, both in their 80’s , and I can relate to the feeling of loneliness and isolation. sometimes, even though WE care so much for others,…you with your little ones and me with older ones that sometimes make me feel like they are little ones in reverse, ya know… sometimes I have to be reminded by loving friends to take a breathe-er,… to take some Pat time.. it doesn’t mean that i dont still love ’em , it’s just that sometimes I have to be reminded to show some Love to My Self Too!, ya know, cause If Little Pat not feeling Loved, then Little Pat gets way too lonely.. and grumpy too, I admit.
Your little sister here needs some simple prayers as she is at constant struggle with the enemy. I know Gods amazing call on my life-but Satan loves to remind me that my past is nothing to boast about. While I honestly have no one to talk to other than God-I try my hardest to stay above ground an never let the enemy ‘steal, kill, and destroy’ my roots in Jesus Christ. So simply needing prayers and maybe some encouraging words. Cuz that wonderful call on my life:women and youth ministry, and in today’s world-coming from a senior in college that’s a psychology/sociology double major. Our youth & women need someone who has ‘been there done that’ and can give them hope. Which someday I plan to do-but right now just need prayer and encouragement to be able to remain steadfast & faithful.
This mornings verse of the day on the bible app already helped me majorly also:
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)
Love you sisters- thank you & be blessed!
-Manda
P.S. on my post. I am also in the process of trying to write a book and just need prayers that it will all turn out well. It is about the Christian walk & it’s hardships! I have a lot of quotes not only from you, Beth. But, also from Joyce Meyer & Priscilla shirer. I pray it will be good and something will come of it. I’m only 20 and it’s hard to find publishing resources. But I remember Romans 8:28 and pray it will ‘work out for good!’
Big sister here. (technically little sister-just have to throw that in) I just want to say thank you to God for every woman reading Beth’s blog today. (And those who can’t for whatever reason) Thank you God for the Miracle Rain that I know Colorado is about to receive. Thank you for each and every one of these ladies. Please bless them TODAY. You know what they need, you know their situations, please love on them. They want to hear from you. They need you. Thank you for being the loving God who WILL show up!!! Comfort them, put them in the side of the mountain and cover it with your wings!!! These are MIGHTY Women who love you. PLEASE speak into every one of their lives. And we thank you for the miracles you are performing today. AMEN.
Just wanted to say thank you for stepping up and helping us little sister in need and God bless you 🙂
Your little sister here…is 29, single and struggling! For 2 years I have been content with this single life, but these past 3 weeks, I have cried over this particular part of my life more than anything else. This little sister longs to be pursued, it fills my heart with joy to see my best friends being pursued by Godly men, but also a little part of me weeps because I feel as though I’m being left behind in the mud. I cling to what I KNOW is TRUE, that God does not withold anything good from me because he is gracious and pours out his mercy on me each day, I know that his best for me right now is singleness and there is a purpose for it and I try my best to use this gift of singleness for his glory. These past few weeks have been so hard emotionally for me because I am constantly tempted to believe that God is witholding something from me.
Another lil sister here – hang on there. Ultimately there will be such a beautiful story to your life that you will be blown away by God’s great mercy and love. Your story is still being made, crafted and molded. Just think – out there is the one God has for you, being crafted and molded to be the man to pursue you. I have a roommate who struggled for 5 years in obeying God to be patient and wait, and is now being pursued by a Godly man with such an intense passion for God that it has blown her away literally. Your story is still just beginning. Cling to His promises and wait on the Lord for He is your stregnth!
Bethany,
Read my post #113 below, You will not believe what Isaiah 62 says in verse 12 the NIV version.
Tanis your Big Sister in Christ
I am a little sister (25)and about 2 weeks ago God spoke to me in a major way about some things I had been dealing with. I felt such a sense of victory and nearness to the Lord. Not one hour later I read some things on the internet that planted a seed of doubt in my mind and I have not been able to shake it. It came on so fast and furious that I knew it came from the pit of Hell. However, I have been struggling in my daily time with the Lord ever since which makes me so MAD. I feel like the Enemy came up and snatched the truth right out from under me.
Little sister here. My unbelieving family facing life-threatening addiction/mental illness of my little sister. My boyfriend and I are on the rocks and I don’t know how to fix it. My seasonal job is ending soon with no prospects and student loans to pay off. Most importantly, my relationship with God is fading and despite my feeble efforts I cannot hear him or feel him. I worry I am losing my faith.
Big sister here. Dear little siseter, you cannot fix it. Only God can. And boy can He fix it. He is the Almighty Creator and yet holds you and your family in the palm of His Hand. Read and memorize the word. Chose to believe even when you don’t. Even if you have to make that choice every second of the day and night. Praying for you: Dear Jesus, I bring you my sister, Molly, today. I ask that even today You will hold her fast when she cannot hold on. That you will be the light in her world and that someday, she will look back on this day as a turning point when she saw you. This day will be an anchor to her life when she knew You were Who You say You are. That she will know that You feel the longings of her heart and that you love her even when she doesn’t feel it. Thank you for your power and for your love. Amen.
Little sister here…
I have 3 young boys and to say that I am overwhelmed with the chaos, noise, and activity level of our home is quite an understatement! I feel inadequate and ill-equipped most days.
Kendra,
Big sister here. I am a Mom of three boys and one girl. I too have been overwhelmed by the noise and chaos. My oldest will be a senior in high school this year so now I’m wondering what I will do without all that noise and activity in the very near future… I am stopping to say a prayer just for you that God will strengthen and sustain you, give you wisdom and peace and surround you with reminders of His love…
Thank you so much for the prayers Dawn!
Kendra, this is your big sister here and oh, how I remember raising four little boys (5 years old and younger). What was I thinking, right?? The youngest will graduate high school next year and I can already tell you that I wish I could do it all over again. Having said that though, believe me, I certainly wasn’t feeling this way when they were much younger!
It’s my privilege to pray for you and to share with you a few things that helped me ~ Talk, talk, and talk some more with other moms. This helped me to see that my feelings were normal; that I wasn’t the only one who felt inadequate and ill equipped (because after all, I’m a girly girl and having never been a boy, I wasn’t sure if what I was doing would help or hurt them in the long run). Why don’t you participate in or begin a group of other moms so that you can share scripture, parenting articles and books, or helpful ideas from sites such as Pinterest, but more importantly pray for each other. Ask a grandparent or teenager if they would be willing to volunteer their time to watch the children. Then from this group, form a mom’s day out whereby two or three moms watch the children (at no charge) for several hours while the rest of you get time to do “whatever”. And don’t feel guilty if for you, that’s going back to bed! Kindred spirits encouraging one another is often the best support for a weary and worn out soul even if it’s just one other girlfriend.
Also, get those active little boys involved in organized sports or join them in other outdoor activities such as nature walks, riding bikes, swimming, or play dates at the park. They need to expend all that energy, plus they learn life lessons such as cooperation and how to problem solve in a safe environment. The biggest mistake you can make is to allow their growing bodies and minds to sit rudimentary in front of a computer or TV screen for long periods of time! Engage their little minds by reading aloud to them every day.
Most importantly pray for your little men. I’m sure you do this every day, but even when you wake in the night, slip into their bedrooms and pray scripture over them and ask God to show you in what ways He has blessed each boy with abilities, gifts, and talents and how you can best nurture them, so that God gets the glory when they are used in ways that please Him.
Right now you are understandably feeling overwhelmed, Kendra. What I absolutely love about our High Priest, Jesus Christ is that He can sympathize with our weaknesses, so tell Him exactly what you are experiencing and how you are feeling about it. Then do what Hebrews 4:16 says we have the right to do…ask Him for the grace and mercy to help you today, right now, in this here BIG time of need (expecting to get it)! God, the Creator of all things appointed you to be the mother of those three precious little boys and He truly wants to see you succeed, bearing much fruit, at this most beautiful calling on your life. I’m praying for you girlfriend.
Sondra,
Thank you so much for your encouraging note! Your suggestions are spot-on. And, you sweet heart shines through loud and clear. I am also a girly-girl and it is taking me a while to adjust my thinking of what “normal” should look like for me and my guys (ages 7, 5, and almost 3, by-the-way!) So wish you were my neighbor so I could just give you a hug for understanding where I am at right now! 🙂
Your little sister here: if you got married in college or directly out of college, don’t tell single girls in their 20s and 30s that you know what they are going through. You don’t, but we still appreciate love, encouragement and prayer! Nobody tells you how hard it’s going to be, and I think a lot of times, our demographic gets forgotten by the church (lots of resources for college, lots for married people), so if you are a Christian woman who has been here and got married a little later in life, please do all you can to reach out to single girls in your church and encourage them! Too many of my friends are compromising their standards to be with someone who isn’t a Christian just because they are lonely… so encouragement is desperately needed to remind us to hold out for God’s plan!
Emily, I do know what you are going though and it isn’t easy! I’m 37 and still single because I never found the man that God has intended for me yet. I still feel forgotten about at times in my church, which I love dearly and consider family! I have found the best way to overcome those feelings is to get active in the Body of Christ. I serve in our music ministry and in our children’s ministry. I have made friends with women who have become both mothers and sisters in the faith. Along the way I discovered that I have been given many opportunities and blessings that I wouldn’t have been able to take if I had a husband and family. But let me say again, it isn’t easy!!! Praying for you!!!
Steph
Emily – I’ve felt the same way. I’m almost 38 and still single. Even though I’ve been in a serious relationship for more than a year now, I still question if marriage/kids is in my future. I’ve attended small churches and large churches, and there are times where I feel all alone in a large full sanctuary. Please know you aren’t alone in these feelings.
Your little sister here has a husband who has been out of work for a long time. I am at a point of mental exhaustion with the situation and rising resentment that I know is evil. Each day seems to bring more bad news and this has been a waiting game that I feel DONE waiting on.
I KNOW in my heart I must have faith and endure the trial. While I have moments of peace after prayer and devotions (several times per day) my mind inevitably ends up back in a state of worry, anxiety & fear. The daily in your face problems make me feel it’s impossible to be happy.
I feel angry, resentful, depressed but mostly mentally exhausted. I pray, do devotions, pray more but can’t snap out of it…..I just want to feel at peace.
Your little sister here… needs encouragement regarding the future. Does God fulfill the desires of your heart? I don’t just mean in relationships. I mean in career, mission, calling, etc. From what I’ve seen, it seems like as you get older, you have to put aside those desires and passions that you have in order to follow Christ or just to raise a family. Which is fine, if that’s what He wants, I’ll do that. But I just wonder… are all the dreams and aspirations that I have just a phase of my age, or has God given them to me for a reason? And will He accomplish them or does He want me to just keep surrendering them to Him and giving them up? I’m in the Word every day, thinking about it, praying, reading different books, trying to listen to Him, and I still have these…dreams regarding the future. Are they there for a reason, or is it what God is trying to weed out of me? And will it ever not be depressing to me to think of giving them all up? (I’m sorry if this is too wordy)
Your big sister here, I wanted to be a nurse more than anything other than family. I was not accepted into nursing school one year and by the next I was married and pregnant. I always felt that was meant for me but I had a husband and 3 children to raise. At the age of 38 when my baby son went into high school I applied and was accepted into nursing school I graduated in 1999 as a RN at the age of 42, yes God can and will give you the desires of your heart if it is HIS will. It was not easy and I’ve had a lot of battles with the devil but I believe with all my heart it is what God planned for my life just not at the time I expected it to happen. Pray, listen and be still and KNOW that GOD IS GOD! I’m praying for you little sister.
Your little sister here: my desire and deligent searching/seeking God is not foolish. That there is a real God and He loves me.The enemy is real and all the spiritual warfare I fight trusting the Word is real! I will overcome all the abuse, rejection, low self esteem and addiction of mans approval!
Your big sister here,
Yes I have been there! The fight is soooooo worth it! All I knew to do was poor out my heart to Him every day and memorize scripture, and pray scripture.
Heavenly Father, please help our little sisters keep their minds on You and Your word. Please give them wisdom. Help them to discern between the enemy and what You are saying to them. Remind them they are a new creation and they are under no obligation to walk down those old paths that lead to destruction.
Please help them to sense your presence. Please show yourself big to them today! Oh LORD for those who need jobs give them guidance on where to go or who to call.
For those who have small children…give them strength to face another day and a whole lot of joy to go with it! Help them to look at their children through Your eyes LORD.
For those who are sick please help them to rest in You, the Great Physician. Please send help to them.
For those who are far away from family please be oh so near to them.
Please bring healing to those who have broken relationships. May your grace abound LORD.
May those who have marriages that are suffering please help them to seek help together. Please soften hearts to Your way LORD.
I ask that you would have mercy on our little sisters today. May you be honored and glorified in their lives LORD. May they know in the depths of their hearts that you are good ALL the time. In Jesus name AMEN!
My husband moved out for the 3rd time in our 16 year marriage last month. I was praying God would convict him and he would finally give his life to God. Today I found out that he had taken a week off from work and some woman he met online had flown in to spend the week with him. So I guess I’ll need to talk to a lawyer instead.
I am so very sorry. Beyond sorry. My heart just breaks for yours. Please know that I’ll be praying for you both, asking God to make His faithfulness palpable to you today and in the weeks to come.
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I have been there. You are not rejected – you are loved by your Perfect Heavenly Husband. Accept help & seek the wisdom of godly women who have been through it. Hide in God – through His Word, through prayer, through praise. Cling to His promises – they are for you! I am praying for you, sister!
Love this! Oh Beth, you couldn’t have known this, but you have had me thinking about this all week from the James video we showed in our small group this week. haha
Unfortunately, accountability isn’t all that easy to “get.” I’ve been in a brand new city, where I didn’t know a soul before moving here, with the Dream Job for a over year now. I’ve plugged into a church and am hosting said small group, I’m going on a mission trip next month, I’m serving in children’s ministry….
But I’m 23. And single. And I’m convinced there is no more lonely place in the Church than the awkward gap between college and family life, especially where singles ministry and post-grad ministry is unheard of.
I’ve been trying to find some “big sisters” like you mention in this post and I’m a huge advocate/example of the miracle of mentoring, but all the relationships I try to build, all the investments I make into the lives of others… just end in polite conversation and smile-masks at the end of the day as they go home to their husbands and children, too busy for real friendship. No one wants to go too deep or know that everything is not, in fact, “fine.”
I write this, not expecting a solution, but as an encouragement that what you are doing here is SO needed, especially for those of us tempted by the “carnality of cynicism” as you talk about in your James study. My job is predominantly finding ministry blogs to tweet, so I am constantly connected to thousands of Christians every minute of the day, yet I don’t know if I have ever been so alone, just to be honest…
Your “little sister” here used to believe all this devil/jesus stuff, but no longer can. Has anyone ever truly made their way back to the faith from atheism?
Quite a few. 🙂 Have you ever read C.S. Lewis? I just spent a week really diving into his writings about his journey to atheism and as an adult, back to Christianity. He explains his reasoning in “Surprised by Joy” and “Mere Christianity.” Might be interesting reading if this was a non-rhetorical question…
I have read all of his writings. Thank you for suggesting it. I live in a very small Christian town, and while have friendships, feel very alone as a nonbeliever. I know I don’t belong on this site anymore, but it helps me to understand things a little better. Thank you, Jenna.
You always belong…always. And we love you even as you face doubt and unbelief. Karise
Ann, There is no doubt that you are here for a reason! I know it’s hard for you to imagine, but your Creator has a plan for you and HE WILL GIVE YOU THE FAITH required to live it out. Faith is a gift from Him alone… none of us can manifest it on our own. Whenever you’re ready to walk into the light and out of the darkness that is unbelief (we’ve all been there!!), call out to HIM with sincerity and ask Him to give you the faith to believe He has heard you and will answer. He did it for me when I called out to Him with the last breath in my dead bones and I still get overwhelmed when I think of the grace that He has shown me by answering that call. From a former atheist and unbeliever who tried everything and anything to fill my God sized hole, HE IS REAL, sister. And so is His love for you. Please seek with all your heart… I can’t urge you enough to relentlessly pursue the Truth. And know you are welcome among us in the meantime. <3
Your little sister here…
I supported my husband for five years while he went to college. He graduated in 2008. He hasn’t been able to get a certified Physical Education job since then. We have a baby, and he needs a job. I need God to show Jamie, my husband, the way.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
Kim
Your little sister here has been praying for a big sister to step up and disciple her and walk through life with her really. I am 24 years old a.d I have several younger high school girls that I mentor/disciple and I love them dearly. But I have a lack of that in my own life and I find it discouraging. I have prayed for God to send me someone and I have gone out and sought someone only to be told that there wasn’t time for that sort of thing. Is this not what we as women are commanded to do in Titus 2? I feel discouraged and frustrated over the lack I see of people just willing to do life together.
I am a little sister with the same struggle. I just so want to be mentored genuinely and authentically in the faith by a big sister. I feel like I have been praying for it for years to no avail. Kate, I completely feel you on this!
Where do you live Kate? Happy to be a cyber-mentor…not the same I know. Just available to listen.
and/or Charlotte! 🙂
Kate, another little sister here in the same boat. I’m 20 and will graduate college next may ona path the getting a masters in counseling. I love mentoring others, but do not have a mentor myself. Sometimes I feel so alone in my struggles yet, helping others is a passion.
Big encouragement coming…GET READY!! This is REALLY good!!! After many years of pushing, shoving, prying, manipulating, forcing, ramming and even yelling to try and open doors and go where He leads me…LOL…LEADS ME…not me lead Him (hello!) HE, our Heavenly Father….said to me by way of His loving, patient, gentle, specific, hopeful, kind, sweet way….”Child, I AM A GENTLEMAN! I will ALWAYS open the door for you….ALWAYS! No need to push, shove, pry, manipulate, force, ram or even yell. If it is a door I want you to walk through…I WILL BE A GENTLEMAN AND OPEN IT FOR YOU!!!” Is that awesome or what?! His burden is light…His yoke is easy! Trust that He is a gentleman in it’s truest form~ One more awesome one that my mother-in-law said to me years ago that I will NEVER forget…”When the Holy Spirit convicts you of something He is gentle, hopeful and specific!” Harsh, hopeless and vague thoughts/feelings/actions have the finger prints of the devil ALL over it and need not be given any of our precious time, energy or thought! Our God is an awesome God! Don’t be discouraged, be of good cheer…for the Lord your God is with you…where ever you go! WORK IT! : )
Totally did it wrong! I am in denial that…. it’s big sister comin’ at you here…..
I needed to hear this. Thank you!
Thank you oh so much for this encouragement, sister 🙂
Thank you for this, Kimberly!
It made me laugh with a tear!
I have already passed it on, too 🙂
Your little sister (age 29) has a tremendous faith and heritage in Christ!! Right now my faith is not wavering in Him, but rather weariness is setting in concerning my pregnancy. I am 6 months along and several weeks ago we found out the baby is not compatible with life. As my tummy gets rounder and the end gets nearer, it starts to seem as though this mountain is too tall, and I know it is for me alone. I will be carried through this in His loving arms, but your prayers are also appreciated. May God be given ALL the glory through this!!!!
I have a nephew we were also told was “incompatible iwth life” who is now two years old. Here is a link to his story on a website that might offer encouragement to you from others who have been in the same situation.
http://www.prenatalpartnersforlife.org/Stories/Trisomy13_Caleb.htm
Sweet Gina, my heart breaks for you. I highly recommend a book called I will Carry You. It is the story of the singer from the Christian band Selah and his wife who were given the same news. Their journey is an inspiration to those of us that have lost precious children. My prayers are with you and your husband.
Your big sister here…
… has been through a time where my marriage had become so cold and hostile, and where every conversation was an argument. I honestly believed we were doomed. Looking back on it, I think we were both disappointed about a lot of things, and we took our hurt out on each other in very destructive ways. We were making each other miserable. I remember going for a solo bike ride early one morning before work, and during that ride, I came to the conclusion that the only thing left to do was divorce. That was my plan, anyway.
And even though I wasn’t praying for my marriage like I should have been, someone was. Because when I got home from that bike ride, I went into the house expecting yet another argument, and instead, we had a happy conversation. And shared breakfast. It was totally miraculous. From that moment on, I just knew we would make it. It hasn’t been roses ever since, but I have never since felt that we couldn’t get through our problems somehow. And it has been 20 years since that awful time.
God restores. He really does.
I love the words in Jeremiah 33 (The Message) which says:
6-9″But now take another look. I’m going to give this city a thorough renovation, working a true healing inside and out. I’m going to show them life whole, life brimming with blessings. I’ll restore everything that was lost to Judah and Jerusalem. I’ll build everything back as good as new. I’ll scrub them clean from the dirt they’ve done against me. I’ll forgive everything they’ve done wrong, forgive all their rebellions. And Jerusalem will be a center of joy and praise and glory for all the countries on earth. They’ll get reports on all the good I’m doing for her. They’ll be in awe of the blessings I am pouring on her.
10-11″Yes, God’s Message: ‘You’re going to look at this place, these empty and desolate towns of Judah and streets of Jerusalem, and say, “A wasteland. Unlivable. Not even a dog could live here.” But the time is coming when you’re going to hear laughter and celebration, marriage festivities, people exclaiming, “Thank God-of-the-Angel-Armies. He’s so good! His love never quits,” as they bring thank offerings into God’s Temple. I’ll restore everything that was lost in this land. I’ll make everything as good as new.’ I, God, say so.
Sister – God CAN restore what we think is beyond repair. Even a situation that seems totally unlivable can be changed to something glorious and full of life. He builds things back, He scrubs us clean, He fills our cities (and our homes and our marriages) with new joy. his love NEVER quits. Never!
So pray. Ask others to pray for you. Please don’t give up.
Much love,
Adrienne
Thank you for this!
Your little sister here:…
I am recently married and loving life in so many ways. Though my husband and I still feel quite unsettled. He has been trying for a year to find a job that will allow him to provide for our family as well as be able to use his giftings in the work environment, but so far we’ve just heard numerous “no’s”. We would love to know where the Lord is calling us to plant ourselves and hopefully start a family in the near future, as we are open to wherever He is leading…just trying to discern the Lord’s directioning as He calls us to continued patience (which is becoming harder and harder). At this point all we know to do is just keep on keeping on. Any wisdom from those more “life experienced” would be greatly appreciated!
My husband and I have gone over this same issue again and again and I am afraid if we don’t work it out it will become this huge wedge in our otherwise pretty awesome marriage: I stay home with 3 kids 5 and under and he does not want me to spend any time alone outside the home; he says he is not a babysitter and since I don’t work at an outside job there should be no need for me to feel like I need any “time off.” I managed to get Grandma to babysit while I went to a doctor’s appt but I don’t think he liked it. Ladies I mean it, this is really our only fight we have ever had. We are peas and carrots otherwise. PEAS AND CARROTS! I’ve got to figure this out. Teach me how to honor him.
I will pray for you! Seek wisdom in scripture and prayer. Connect with him to figure out the reasons for his fear? of leaving them with others. It will be good for the whole family to get out alone or as a couple. Be honest. Be calm. Be firm. Again, praying for you! Does he have any Godly men friends? He is not their babysitter, but their father from whom they need much love and care.
Your big sister here: How I wish I could just wrap my arms around you little sisters. I would hold you so tight and whisper it’s going to be alright. I would tell you how beautiful you are and remind you that you have more strength than you can know at this moment. You are not alone while you walk through dark times. You have big sisters here who have been “there” and have lived many of those same dark times. Come little sisters. Bring your wounded hearts to a big sister in Christ. Together in Christ we can bring back some light, be your prayer warrior, walk along side of you and hold on to you. I, too, am angry for you and will fight for you. YOU. ARE. GOD’S. DAUGHTERS. We will not let you go.
Oh how I needed to hear this. Thank you big sister from a little sister in need.
Your little sister here: I am struggling with becoming. Sometimes it is so hard to just be when you can’t see past all you’re not yet. I’m smackdab in the middle of learning I’m not who God is calling me to be at home and in ministry, and I’m not who I was just the other day. With no role models in my personal life growing up or now, it is a lonely learning. I struggle with resentment and with defeat. I’d say more if I didn’t feel I’d begin talking in circles. I’m a little sister who often feels I’ve always been forced into the big sister role and the pressure is suffocating me.
Big sister here….You, Victoria, are enough. Just as you are. God made you in His image and put those desires in your heart. Let Him lead you and shape you. Press in to Him and stay right there in His Word. You are doing the thing…He delights in you!
Shelly
Your little sister here:
I have tears threatening to spill down my face as I read this. I so needed it today. And Psalm 25. I took a flying leap of faith at the new year and moved across country out of obedience to where I thought God was calling me. That call has been affirmed time and again. But I have felt so beaten down the past few months. Just one thing after another, months of job searching and rejection and confusion.
I need to know that when you’re sitting on the floor unable to pay your rent and questioning whether you heard God correctly that he provides. And that he sees my desire to be obedient when it seems like nothing is going the way I thought it would.
Thank you so much for your encouragement, I could definitely use a big sister today <3
Sweet Amanda, I am a fellow little sister, but I understand some of what you’re going through. I have a job, but I still am not getting enough hours and I’m still having trouble making ends meet financiallyand I feel like I’m left to wonder how in the world I am going to pay my bills everytime they’re due. Something I have found to be helpful for me during this time has been Luke 12:22-31.
Do Not Be Anxious:
22 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. – Luke 12:22-31
1.) God feeds the birds (ravens) every day. If he is going to take care of them, of course he will take great care of us no matter what is going on in our lives! He is a loving heavenly father who always wants the very best for us and His kingdom!
2.) It’s so easy to worry and be anxious, but girl.. worrying does absolutely nothing. Worrying only holds you back. “Which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” You won’t even get half a step further by worrying.
3.) “Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” It is God’s pleasure to give you His kingdom, so leave your worries to Him and just seek His kingdom instead. Lift your eyes to Him and focus on Him!
Also, Jesus says “In me you have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 So hang in there and take heart love!
I see so many young women, including myself, consumed with distress over waiting for that perfect relationship to happen. What is the best way to encourage other young women to be patient in waiting for the Lord to take care of not just this but every aspect of their lives?
Your little sister here needed this today! I have been struggling for quite a while against the enemy and there are days I fear he is winning. At the bottom of all my struggles is the fear of rejection. I dealt with a lot of rejection from my parents growing up and I am beginning to realize how the devil is using that in all my relationships today. Please pray that I recognize it for what it is and throw God’s word back in its face! I prayed God would “throw me a rope” today. I sure am loving this process of falling in love with him!
I instantly thought of Titus 2 when I read the title. So true. Big sisters give little sisters hope 🙂
Little Sister here…it started over a year ago with my daughter and quickly moved to me, people who we thought were friends and are neighbors are spreading lies and attacking me personally. I had to remove my daughter from our neighborhood elementary since the administration was doing nothing about the children or the parents harassing us on campus (kindergarteners). I don’t have a platform to defending myself or my family. I share my heart with people who are now tearing it out. I feel friendless and alone. My daughter is blooming in her new school, but I’m dying friendless watching my neighbors turn their backs on me and spew lies. HELP!