Want to Wrap a Little Skin around a Scriptural Concept?

Hey, Dear Sisters! Well, surely after all these years I don’t have to tell you that you are my go-to group and all-time favorite resource for surveys or insights into various Scriptural concepts.  God started pressing a topic on my heart about a week and a half ago out of the blue during my quiet time and, since then, I have been all over both Testaments searching every spot where it rears up its head. Now I’d love to add some layers of examples and insights from life experience on top of it. The topic is accusation and it ultimately centers on the enemy as our accuser but I feel like God is leading me to gain some understanding of ways it weaves itself into our human relationships.

If you’d like to help wrap some human skin around an anatomy of accusation, so to speak, I would love to hear your responses to any or all of the 3 questions below. Your really honest answers would help me so much. At the same time, please don’t share anything that would be injurious to another person or that you’d mind being read in the newspaper of a small town because that’s roughly the population of readers we have on this blog. This is not the spot to whisper a secret and I write those words with a grin. I want this to be a candid place and a safe place all at the same time if possible. So, here are the questions:

1. In the course of your adult life, have you ever been painfully accused of something by another person (as opposed to being accused by Satan himself)? If your answer is yes, was the accusation a twisting/distorting of the facts or was it completely fabricated out of thin air? I’m looking into how often the most painful accusations are distortions or perversions of the truth (making them more believable and frustratingly less refutable) versus an outright lie with utterly no tie to the truth.


2. In the course of your adult life, have you ever accused someone else of something? If your answer is yes (and for most of us in a candid mood, it will be), did you turn out to be 100% right? (By all means, say so if you did. I’m just trying to look at the concept from several different perspectives.) Whether or not you were wrong, right, or partially right, do you have any regrets about making the accusation? If so, what are they and why?


3. In your opinion (and without the benefit of a dictionary), what is the difference between confrontation and accusation?


I am so grateful for your insight! You are welcome to leave your comment anonymously if you’d feel more comfortable answering candidly but, again, just make sure you don’t use someone’s name derogatorily or make his/her identity obvious in a negative light. You need not copy and paste the question you’ve chosen to answer but please do identify your response by number: 1, 2, or 3. Limit your answers to brief paragraphs because I’d really like to read as many as possible.


You are wonderful! Thank you so much! Pray for me as I continue to listen to God and see how He means for me to serve women in Bible study through this difficult topic. A heap of love to every single one of you!


336 Responses to “Want to Wrap a Little Skin around a Scriptural Concept?”

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  1. 301
    Jordin says:

    1. I have been painfully accused of something by another person who I was certain was on my side. It was a major distorting of the facts that involved almost no truth at all. But because of the small tie to the truth, it was a disaster to refute and sort out.

    2. Unfortunately, I have also been the accuser. The facts that I had were 100% right, but the assumptions (that I pulled completely out of thin air) were 100% wrong. I absolutely regret making this accusation because of the effects that it had on my relationship with this individual and others who were involved. It took time, but God brought complete healing and restoration to our friendships.

    3. The goal of confrontation is to find a solution whereas the goal of accusation is to place blame.

  2. 302
    Pat W says:

    1. twisted distortion , yes. my nemesis takes what he sees from outside without knowing the inside, then twists and distorts it TO MEAN what He says it means , as though i dont care and too dumb to know that i should care, when i do care very much. but he never seeks to know the inside, the why part, he just reacts to what he sees then makes up the rest, but has the authoritative voice that all listen to no matter what, and just accept what He says , but never question the concept that maybe he’s wrong, Im not all the bad things he says I am, but when a little something is seen with outward eyes that dont care to look inward to the real reasons why for and why not, this is when perversions of truth , distortions of it, get projected out there and made into judgements.

    and, 3. there is not all that much difference between the two, when its a negative heart doing it, because an accusation can be camouflaged as a confrontation, but when the confronter thinks He is all right and me all wrong, before he ever approaches me, then nothing i can say will ever prove myself not wrong in his eyes.

  3. 303
    Pat W says:

    It appears I forgot number 2.

    2. I remember when I was little and I had winnie the pooh, tigger, eeyore, and rabbit hard board wall pictures up on my wall, and I was certain! absolutely certain! that a girl that had been there on a sleep over, had Stolen my tigger, because she’d kept saying that she was going to take with home with her , and she would do it, if she wanted to. I hadnt invited her to the sleepover. the one I had invited had brought her along too. and she was a bully and I worried all night about my pooh wall hangings, I just worried all night, and then the next day everyone left, and then!, that night when I went to sleep, TIGGER was MISSING. I was certain that girl had stolen Tigger. I wanted my mom to take me there and get back My Tigger. but didnt know where she lived. I was a hopping mad little girl, I’ll tell you. Then,… imagine my embarassment when teddy bear fell to under the bed, and I went in after teddy bear, and then there, by the wall, where it hooks into the floor, there was Tigger!
    no one had stolen Tigger. and I remember, my mom decided that I needed to tell god all about it and ask god to forgive me for accusing that little bully of stealing my Tigger. I never did all the way believe though that she couldnt have.. stolen it… ha, thank you for reminding me of this memory long since packed away in my little toys.

  4. 304
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry to be so late responding. Question #1, yes. About 20 years ago, I was a departmental secretary at a university. A student worker who reported to me accused me of treating her in a hateful and uncaring manner. Instead of talking to me about it, she went over my head to the Department Chairman, my boss. I was thoroughly trashed behind my back and given no chance to speak for myself. In such a situation, the fair thing to do is allow everyone involved a chance to tell their side of the story. All accusations should be documented, which was not done.

    My boss harshly reprimanded me. I asked to have the student worker confront me in his presence, as there was more to the story than she was telling. He said there was no need as she was now working in another department. He wasn’t interested in anything I had to say. I left his office that day extremely angry and hurt. I now had a black mark against me, without being allowed to tell my side of the story.

    From the beginning, I had trouble getting the student worker to settle down and do the work I had ready for her. She was often upset when she came in; apparently she and her boyfriend were having problems. Maybe I wasn’t sympathetic enough; maybe I should have listened to her problems. But if I did that, then I couldn’t get my work done. It was hard to admit to myself that I might have contributed to what happened. I have since been told (in an unrelated incident0 that it isn’t always what I say but how I say it.

    I knew I had to forgive her and move on, but I didn’t want to. I wanted her to re-think what she said and write a letter of retraction for me to give to my boss. Of course, such a thing never happened. I did hear from someone in the department where she was currently working that they found her “too chatty”, which made me feel somewhat vindicated.

    I will only answer the first question since this is so long.

  5. 305
    Christiana B. says:

    1. Yes I have been accused by someone I trusted deeply. It was based in facts and distorted into a lie to render the accuser blameless in the situation.
    2. No. I tend to be a confrontative person. I have no need to denegrate others for my own satisfaction. They can do a number on themselves, all on their own.
    3. Interesting question, since I am writing a book that asks a similar question. Confrontation is like asking, while accusing is like begging. Confrontation is freedom by way of wanting to receive freely. Accusing is forced by way of needing to take from someone what they can not have.

    So now, I ask of you…what is the difference between asking and begging? And what is it that you wished you had asked for?

    Love is the Spirit and always praying for you!

  6. 306
    amybhill says:

    One example burns in my brain. I was in 3rd grade standing in line with the rest of my class waiting to use the bathroom. Out of nowhere, my teacher (who was a pretty scary woman) pulled me out of line and viciously started reprimanding me in front of the other students for being “mean” to a boy in my class. Apparently this boy’s grandmother called my teacher and told her this. For the rest of the year, as some form of punishment (?), the teacher partnered me with this boy for EVERYTHING. I was never mean to this boy. I’ve thought about it over the years and always wondered why his grandmother would have accused me of being mean. I think maybe it was because he gave me a valentine present and I didn’t reciprocate??? My dad was very strict (especially about boys) and I actually got in “trouble” for receiving that valentine. I don’t know how helpful this example will be – only to say that being wrongfully accused is something you don’t forget easily. I am a 34 year old mother of 3 and I’m talking about something that happened in 3rd grade! LOL 🙂 So much love to you, Amy xo

  7. 307
    Candace Lyons says:

    Dear Beth, I have continued to pray and think through this concept. I will answer #1. I was accused of racial discrimination as a supervisor by an employee and was immediately fired. There were no witnesses to our conversation and my words were twisted. The accusation was false, yet my employers accepted it as truth. I wrestled deeply with how unjust the situation was, but eventually accepted the ending of that job as God’s will for me. I went to and stayed in 1st Peter 2:18-25, entrusting myself to Him Who judges righteously and knew that the situation allowed me to experience a piece of the sufferings of Christ. Today, I am grateful for the process as God has used it in many ways to grow me in forgiveness and trust and hope.
    Currently, I am reading Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard. You may want to reference pages 132 to 138 as they address this very issue and may provide additional insight. Blessings Sister, Candace

  8. 308
    Eun says:

    1. Yep. The worst one I can think of is someone who completely twisted something I said, applied it to a very different situation entirely, and stirred up a HUGE mess. It was eventually resolved, but sure took a lot of effort.
    2. Unfortunately … yes. One time I remember clearly I was right, but the matter wasn’t significant, and I didn’t need to mention it at all. I definitely regret not just letting it drop.
    3. Pretty close: in my mind an accusation is always negative, with the intent of finding fault. A confrontation depends on the attitude/intention of the person doing the confronting: if done in love, it can be invaluable; if done through malice/envy thinly disguised as “helping”, not so much!

  9. 309
    Andrea says:

    Hi Beth,

    1) I was accused of wanting rape. No, I didn’t want it. That was based on some info someone in my life caught wind of. My 15 yr old mind thought it would be a good idea to try to be sexually intimate with an older teenage guy just 1 month after the rape to prove to myself I was not scarred for life and would be ok. That is the honest truth. I thought I was proving to myself I would be ok. Sadly I didn’t know better.

    2) yes. Recently in marriage. No regrets. Hubs and I are working toward unity w pure motives. Iron sharpens iron and in marriage you don’t always see your own selfishness. We help because we desire strongly to be united. It’s all in love.

    3) I know there is biblical confrontation but don’t know if there’s biblical accusation. Perhaps if accusation is formed as a question it would be less assuming. Jesus asked a lot of questions, right, lol. I love that. And it’s not to enlighten him, it’s to enlighten us! So confrontation seeks truth openly. Accusation brings baggage of assumptions and tries to see what sticks.

  10. 310
    Julia says:

    1) yes I have been accused as an adult, and it did come from a distortion of the truth. I’ve found that, even in my own judgements, I can read people with unclear motives an evil eye or a pure one. “To the pure, all things are pure- to those who are defiled, unbelieving, nothing is pure”. And when I was accused, the person read the situation with the worst outlook instead of an understanding one and twisted the truth to make it frustrating because it has an appearance of truth.

    2) yes I have and no it wasn’t 100% right

    3) confrontation vs accusation boils down to motive. Confrontation has the motive to inspire change and correction. Accusation to inspire self-rejection and blame.

  11. 311
    Marcy says:

    Dear Beth –
    I recently accused a neighbor of trying to inaccurately portray a request to do something to their yard to gain approval. Even though I knew the family was a godly, wonderful, Christian family, I felt totally manipulated as the request did not accurately portray the item that was installed.

    I handled the situation poorly, and I felt God calling me to humbly apologize, which I did. I am filled with regret over how the situation played out, but as I spoke with my husband about it last night, I also felt my response at the time was justified by the facts available. It doesn’t change that I wish I had handled it differently, but I think it’s critical (and hard!) to recognize that in forgiving ourselves for situations we mismanage, holding onto to things you’ve done wrong and beating yourself up over it may provide a bigger stronghold to the enemy than if the actual event we flubbed up in the first place.

    If that makes any sense?? I did wrongly accuse, I sincerely apologized, and my heart still hurts over it. Why is forgiving ourselves harder than forgiving others?

  12. 312
    Joy Fuller says:

    1. My husband and I are in ministry. We run a small missions organization and everyone raises their own support. We hired some friends of ours. To be honest I had some prompting from the Holy Spirit not to do it. But they were friends, she was recovering from cancer and they REALLY REALLY wanted to go. And we needed someone to fill the spot. God taugh me some huge lessons in all that. They didn’t have all their support in place and we let them go anyway. Our mistake. When their support didn’t come in like they expected they accused us of keepi g their money, essentially stealing from them. They caused chaos in the ministry where they were working and we had to bring them home. They were angry and bitter and upon their return they told multiple people we had stolen from them. Worst part is her cancer returned and she died. So very sad. We never defended ourselves unless asked about. Few people had the courage to ask us. Sometimes I wonder when it’s ok to make a defense. This happened 3 1/2 years ago and just last night I found out about another person who had told another person…and so on and so on. What comes to mind is the scripture about not letting a root of bitterness grow up inside of you defiling many. Many were defiled. It hurts. It hurts me. It hurts my husband. It hurts our ministry and most of all it hurts the body of Christ. I now have to let God deal with my own bitterness and trust Him to be my defender. Tha is for letting me getting this off my chest in a safe place.

  13. 313
    glenwood says:

    1-Yes. Someone overheard part of something I said and then repeated it to a 3rd party. They got an incorrect version of what happened and wanted an apology. I explained what actually happened to the 3rd person and said we both deserved an apology. That was the last I heard of it.
    2 Yes. No regrets for speaking up. I was correct. The person was good to clients but was selective in how well employees were treated. Correction-1 regret was for a consequence- That the HR Depart. did not hire a better replacement for #2.
    3 Confrontation- Something is wrong. This situation needs to be fixed.
    Accusation- You made a mistake/did something wrong.

  14. 314
    patti peviani says:

    I have never responded to this blog before but I had to on this one….. my husband and I were accused and arrested at John Wayne airport. I was arrested for assault on a police officer and my husband was arrested for resisting arrest. It is absurd and ridiculuous and it still seems like a bad nightmare even though it happened two years ago. June 30,2011 to be exact. We were picking up my daughter and son in law who lived in Texas at the timeand were visiting. We had not seen them for about 4 months and were all giddy about reconnecting. They were coming to town because my other daughther was ready to have her baby and her sister wanted to be there for the birth….Brittany, my daughter, called to tell me she landed but needed to wait for luggage so we decided to loop around the airport one more time because you can’t pull over to wait. As we were ready to head out we got pulled over. My husband said there are lights flashing behind me…What did you do? I don’t know….he pulled over and a rude policeman asked my husband why he has a 2011 registration sticker on the back of the car…..UMMM, because it’s 2011…..yea, but where did you get it? …..what??….the dialogue was strange and awkward from the get go! Then, we realized we didn’t have the registration in the car!! we had pulled it out because we were selling this car!….so I decided while Alan dealt with this mix up I was going to jump out of the car and run to see Brittany and Matt. I couldn’t wait to see them and was frustrated that this dumb thing was keeping us from this. They said they did a random check and our car was not registered and we should not have an up to date sticker on our car. Did we steal the sticker??…anyways it was odd and frustrating…So I opened the door to jump out and I happened to open the door on a policeman that was standing on my side that I didn’t know was there. What are you doing?? I am going to see my daughter who is waiting for us to pick her up. You just hit me with your door. I didn’t know you were there. Yes you did. No I didn’t. That is a felony to hit a police officer and I am going to arrest you. That is so dumb,you got to be kidding me ( looking back, my husband said we were bantering like 3rd graders). But, then he reached in the car door and grabbed me hard (bruises and all….I have pictures to prove) and my husband got scared he was abusing me so my husband put the car in drive to drive away as it seemed out of control. The police that grabbed me then took out his gun and pointed it at my husband’s head and before you know it we both had handcuffs on and were taken to jail. That is a whole other experience and testimony..(I was able to share Jesus in jail!)…..(after being stripped and put in jail clothes!!)…Fortunately, my daughter found us at the airport in handcuffs and was able to calm me down (sort of)….it’s a story that is crazy but true. How my daughter found us is even crazier but all God…..anyways long story short…..after 8 thousand dollars of getting a lawyer and bail….we are completely free of all charges and it’s off our record and all is well…..but to be falsely accused was terrible….I still get bugged by it today. But,God used it for good. We are even laughing about it now….sort of……

  15. 315
    Sandra Schmitt says:

    Just attended the Live Simulcast Saturday. Woke up serveral times during the early morning hours either singing a song inside my head or stating I am living under Grace, I chose Grace…It was just what I needed when I needed it. May The Lord bless all who made this possible. Attended Simulcast at Dover Chapel in Louisville Kentucky.

  16. 316
    Sharon, Wheatridge, Colorado says:

    It is for freedom that Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

    Galations 5:1 NLT

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