Want to Wrap a Little Skin around a Scriptural Concept?

Hey, Dear Sisters! Well, surely after all these years I don’t have to tell you that you are my go-to group and all-time favorite resource for surveys or insights into various Scriptural concepts.  God started pressing a topic on my heart about a week and a half ago out of the blue during my quiet time and, since then, I have been all over both Testaments searching every spot where it rears up its head. Now I’d love to add some layers of examples and insights from life experience on top of it. The topic is accusation and it ultimately centers on the enemy as our accuser but I feel like God is leading me to gain some understanding of ways it weaves itself into our human relationships.

If you’d like to help wrap some human skin around an anatomy of accusation, so to speak, I would love to hear your responses to any or all of the 3 questions below. Your really honest answers would help me so much. At the same time, please don’t share anything that would be injurious to another person or that you’d mind being read in the newspaper of a small town because that’s roughly the population of readers we have on this blog. This is not the spot to whisper a secret and I write those words with a grin. I want this to be a candid place and a safe place all at the same time if possible. So, here are the questions:

1. In the course of your adult life, have you ever been painfully accused of something by another person (as opposed to being accused by Satan himself)? If your answer is yes, was the accusation a twisting/distorting of the facts or was it completely fabricated out of thin air? I’m looking into how often the most painful accusations are distortions or perversions of the truth (making them more believable and frustratingly less refutable) versus an outright lie with utterly no tie to the truth.


2. In the course of your adult life, have you ever accused someone else of something? If your answer is yes (and for most of us in a candid mood, it will be), did you turn out to be 100% right? (By all means, say so if you did. I’m just trying to look at the concept from several different perspectives.) Whether or not you were wrong, right, or partially right, do you have any regrets about making the accusation? If so, what are they and why?


3. In your opinion (and without the benefit of a dictionary), what is the difference between confrontation and accusation?


I am so grateful for your insight! You are welcome to leave your comment anonymously if you’d feel more comfortable answering candidly but, again, just make sure you don’t use someone’s name derogatorily or make his/her identity obvious in a negative light. You need not copy and paste the question you’ve chosen to answer but please do identify your response by number: 1, 2, or 3. Limit your answers to brief paragraphs because I’d really like to read as many as possible.


You are wonderful! Thank you so much! Pray for me as I continue to listen to God and see how He means for me to serve women in Bible study through this difficult topic. A heap of love to every single one of you!


336 Responses to “Want to Wrap a Little Skin around a Scriptural Concept?”

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  1. 151
    Karan says:

    1. Yes I have been accused. It was a twisted truth, which hurts so much more than just a complete fabrication. You can walk away (usually) from a complete fabrication, but twisted truths do just that: twist your inner man into unholy knots.

    2. Of course I have accused others. I would say it was based on a twisted truth because I took a grain of truth and then added my emotions. Once that happens, twisting in inevitable. In order to not twist a truth, I must remove self (fear, anger, etc..) from the equation and get before God himself so that he can tell me the truth of the situation.

    3. The difference for me between confrontation and accusation is simple: confrontation seeks the best for someone, while accusation revolves around me/mine. The best example I can think of is the difference between King Saul and King David. Saul was always accusing others, based out of fear. That accusation led to manipulation, hunting down of others, and a constant state paranoia. Accusation is rooted in selfishness and fear and desires punishment. On the other hand, you have Nathan who confronts David. Nathan does not judge and you never have any idea what he is thinking about the situation. He only confronts in order to bring David to a better place; one of repentance and restoration. Confrontations ultimate goal is restoration. Accusations ultimate goal is judgment and punishment.

  2. 152
    sarah says:

    #3 – confrontation comes from knowledge of wrongdoing and is done with love and the intent for the situation to change, accusation is made only to gain knowledge and find out what they are doing –

  3. 153
    Susie says:

    Question 2 – To my knowledge, there’s one person on earth who hates me, and she has every right. About 20 yrs ago, when I was 25 and stupid, I pointed a finger of accusation and judgement at her. Did she cheat on my husband’s brother? Yes. Was it my place to accuse, judge, and punish her? No. But I did it anyway. And 20 yrs later, our husbands no longer share the close bond they once did. I also missed out on having the sister I always wanted. And her? She’s still here, making it work with him. That year or so during the ‘heat of battle’ I just knew I was right and felt vindicated when the truth came out. But I was so far out of God’s will and doing it my way, I never saw what my accusations did, not only to her family, but to me and mine. The whole family is fractured, and my self-rightious accusations fueled the fire. When I came back to God a few years ago, He forgave me and only asks that I apologize. Pray that I can.

  4. 154
    Teri Beamer says:

    1. Accused- Yes. Total fabrication. I was accused by my late husbands family of murder. He had committed suicide. So here I am trying to come to terms with losing my husband, and his family is threatening me physically. They did succeed in taking almost all of the estate, leaving me with little to start over with. Thankfully the District Attorney didn’t believe any of their lies.
    2. Sadly, I had to accuse my second husband of retreating back into alcoholism. He had been hiding the evidence. He had also mis-managed our finances. I was seriously ill at the time. It was all true, and with both my daughters help, I was able to start over. God was with me all the way.
    3. Confrontation to me means presenting facts, the truth, in a situation. Accusation is usually based on your feelings and perception at that moment.

  5. 155
    Katie says:

    This has been heavy on my heart this past week too!

    1-3. I’m rolling all of these together with one story. A very close (too close sometimes) friend and I had a confrontation this past spring. She was very concerned about our friendship and I could tell it was very pressing, because she wasn’t talking to me at all the week before we had a sit down. So, sometimes, confrontations–confronting someone about issues that are driving you both bonkers–is positive and necessary. However, the confrontation itself was full of accusations–twisting the truth about someone else from your own perspectives, for your own benefit or self-absolution. She began to chop (to use Jesus’ allusion to the Pharisees) right at the root of some huge things the Lord had been teaching me at the time, and it was terrible. I won’t go into the specifics, but that’s the jist of it. I say she twisted the truth because spiritual things are far more easily twisted than anything else, I believe. That is precisely why Satan holds so much away in our hearts with guilt and condemnation.

    Thanks for letting us share! It was definitely needed for me to do!

  6. 156
    Juli says:

    1. Wasn’t that long ago that I was accused of not doing some prep work that I did. I’ll try to make this brief. My boss had an extremely slow computer in her office. I was new, but noticed there was a computer in an empty office and inquired about the history of that computer. My boss who’d been working there for over 25 years couldn’t remember if it worked. So I proposed that we load her up and see. I had to pass it through the corporate channels and got approval. The next morning, in front of my coworker whom I seemed to rub the wrong way, I mentioned to my boss that I got the approval to try it out. Then, mind you, in front of my boss, my coworker started chewin me a new one for not asking about the history and proceeded to yell at me about how if I would just ask I would know these things. My boss didn’t defend me. I didn’t defend myself. Instead, I excused myself, went into the bathroom and text to my BFF, ‘In Jesus’ Name, I will not slap her!’ My BFF & I were just praying over my coworker that morning.

    I have to say though that through the course of my working there, and the mighty power of Jesus, me and my coworker ended up being sweet friends. Not close ones, mind you, but I have such a heart for her good that can only be described by a love for Jesus. Amen.

  7. 157
    Hope says:

    1. When I was the worship leader and band leader at my church (approx. 5 years ), I would occasionally hear of accusations that had been made against my character behind my back. At first it was heartbreaking, but it gave me lots of growth opportunity! And there was plenty of opportunity for accusation to my face, as well as healthy confrontation.
    2. Yes. I have accused all too often, and I’m sure I have not been 100% right — ever. I definitely regret every instance, for i recognize my behavior as sinful — slanderous, unedifying and wrongly motivated. I am in repentance. On the other hand, I have confronted with a motive toward edification and healthy relationships and have not always found satisfaction. For example, when the other parties were willing to discuss an issue from a worldly perspective, but were unwilling to open the Word, pray and seek truth and healing — even though they are church leaders. . . Not willing to even open the Word with me. It is hard to fathom.
    3. For me: accusation is often slanderous and involves presumption of unknown facts and assumption that the accuser’s perspective is “right”. It can be done in person or behind a person’s back. It does not seek truth or healing. It is motivated by sinful, fleshly appetites (envy, revenge, anger). Confrontation seeks the light of truth and healing. It is motivated by a desire to please God and seek His way.

  8. 158
    Mary in NH says:

    1. The new administration at my work has accused me of being “confrontational” when I felt that I was just sharing researched-based information. I was encouraging them to read the articles for themselves, so they would understand my point. But as leaders, they felt I only needed to accept their opinion as truth – no need for them to understand mine. If I push my agenda, I’m confrontational.

    2. I am not one to accuse – I back down too easily from an argument and often try to avoid difficult truths.

    3. When you confront someone, you are open to discussion. My husband and I have young adult kids, and sometimes we have to confront them about how they manage their time and money. We hope to have a positive discussion. An accusation to me – the accuser feels wronged about whatever, and is expecting an apology. In example 1, I was expected to admit I was wrong and apologize.

  9. 159
    Anne Peacock says:

    1. Yes, I was wrongfully accused many years ago by a family member on my husbands side. It was such a heart wrenching experience and since I was new to his family by marriage, I was fearful how much her story would be spread among other relatives. Unfortunately, the issue was never sorted out and an apology never came. We continue to see one another at family gatherings, and she is almost too nice to me on the surface now. I later discovered that she has always been that way and has never had great relationships with the extended family members. It still leaves me with a painful memory to this day. Fortunately, my relationship with others in the family was not at all affected negatively.

    2. Yes, I have accused someone when I was certain there was a reason to do so. I did it out of love and to get the truth out in front of myself and the other party. It got ugly as things like that often do. This involved my father many years ago in the area of his drinking and abandonment of our family. The episode resulted in many years of separation (his choosing). Fortunately we are now restored but we can never get that lost time back.

    3. After reading many of the posts, it seems as though most are seeing confrontation as good and accusation as bad. I am not sure that is so. Given the circumstances, motive, and intended outcome, both can be of benefit to bring restoration to the people involved. One could confront someone without facts, in a public place, with wrong motive etc. Accusing someone with facts and truth in a private setting with genuine desire to bring restoration can be just the catalyst for a turnaround. I believe each has its place in the right setting, following biblical examples, while maintaining the respect and dignity of the individual. Facing the truth for some is never easy. Likewise, who would not mind being accused of being faithful, or honorable or Christlike? Words can take on differnt connotations depending on the situation and intent.

  10. 160
    Linelle says:

    1. Yes, I have been accused and it was a distortion of the truth.
    2. Yes, I have at times pointed the finger at others and at times I have been right. But no matter how right or wrong I have been, I don’t like that person I become.
    3. Confrontation is going to somebody and confronting them about either something you believe they did or said. It can be positive or negative depending on your attitude and if you have all the facts in hand.
    Accusation is to me negative,it is often based on lies and it causes harm. Satan is an accuser.

  11. 161
    Anjie says:

    1. I have been wrongfully accused by a dear friend that hurt me down to my soul. It was a total fabrication and long after spreading the lie around to many other friends, I learned that it was actually contrived to cover up what they were doing.
    2. I have accused someone else of something and unfortunately I was right. Learning that I was right brought me absolutely no satisfaction as it ultimately turned my life upside down.
    3. To me – an accusation is something you are not totally sure of. A confrontation is something that is fact based, and a conversation to be had to resolve the issue or at least bring something out into the open to be dealt with.

  12. 162
    Amber Moon says:

    Whew, would I love to sit down with you over enchiladas on this. This is my “big one.”

    1. Yes, I have been accused by a close friend of betrayal. The accusation was not fabricated out of thin air, rather it was their viewpoint of something that actually took place (and I readily admitted to based on Biblical doctrine). (Side note – any thoughts on what to do when someone will not grant you forgiveness which I asked for -twice- based on the hurt they felt over the situation)?

    2. Yes, although I intended it to be a loving confrontation but it was received as an unsupportive accusation (same person above). Yes, I was right. I regret many things about how I handled the situation around the accusation but not the “accusation” itself. I tried to do it in a manner that was a friend lovingly holding a friend accountable and an attempt to keep them from stumbling but it was not received well and they have shut down to our friendship.

    3. If you confront someone, you approach them with the purpose of obtaining answers or reaching resolution (opening the door for them to defend or share of themselves). An accusation, however, (most often) is made with no intent of hearing the other parties side of the issue.

  13. 163
    bj says:

    1. I was accused of something by a neighbor I had befrieded many years ago. Something I didn’t do…when I confronted her…she was not willing to listen and the relationship was gone. She had many problems…possible bi-polar.

  14. 164
    Sandra says:

    1. Yes. The accusations have been completely made up and unfounded. My personal opinion is that they rose out of jealousy. They typically have been work related and are all similar in that they were all accusations of how I had to be doing something wrong to be so successful in my job. These accusations are always distracting and disheartening.

    2. Yes. I have been wrong several times and typically due to my viewpoint being skewed based on my perception of a situation. I’ve tried hard to correct this “jumping to conclusions”.

    3. Confrontation to me is speaking to someone over a concern. Accusation is where my mind has already convicted them without discussion.

  15. 165
    Lynne says:

    1. I am currently under this exact attack as we speak and will be in a HR meeting tomorrow at 11am regarding it (please be in prayer over me!). I have a coworker who is not accepting of changes in the work flow of our office. I was hired one year ago, a month following the new director, with experience in how the director would like to manage the department. Many of his decision are distributed through me and this has caused tension with the coworker. Although I think the underlying issues are actually resistance to the overall changes most of their frustration and unhappiness is directed at me. I have personally witness this person twist, manipulate, and outright lie about others actions or words, and now they are attempting to do this to me. Now, let me say I was this exact person in the past and insecurity and entitlement were the driving force of my behaviors then. I am grateful I am not that person today, I am not perfect but I do try my very best to do the next right thing each day and ask for forgiveness when I miss the mark (sin). I pray God keeps reminding (gently ) of where I have come from in and through His grace, and to share that grace with this other person no matter how they act towards me.

    2. Oh man HAVE I!! I am what I like to call “intuitive”…grin…years ago I was in an relationship and was plagued with insecurities which lead me to unbelievable levels of insanity!! I am was a hot mess!! I would troll the internet in search of any evidence that would support my multiple and fleeting accusations, talking to anybody and everybody to gain more information, sneak around in cars, closets, dressers, laundry…all to bolster my case. I would throw my accusations and “proof” around, better yet I would FLING it around in hurtful words tearing everyone down around me, unable to be calm, just out of control Most of my suspicions were correct about this particular person but that didn’t give me a right to be an emotional tornado wreaking havoc all about. Today, I see all those behaviors really were me trying to prove God wrong and convincing myself I had control of the situation. The reason I was so bent on proving myself right because I didn’t want to accept God’s will for my life and at least I could prove I knew more than everyone thought…except God. His patience with me is so sweetly tender. In spite of all my hot mess then, today I see little rays of sunshine He wove into my life and the other’s person life during that time.

    3.Confrontation ~ Presenting another with information that has hurt or upset us in a calm manner with full intention to work the situation out for a better end.

    Accusation ~ To “come at” someone with information with the intention to hurt, exact revenge, or to point out a fault with no clear desire to rectify the situation.

    Thank you Beth, you have brought me healing by being able to answer these questions!

  16. 166
    Peggy Underwood says:

    1. I have been falsely accused behind my back. The accusations came from a different party, my boss. They were vague and I was never given an opportunity to give my response. This was very hurtful and I still feel the wounds of betrayal.

    2. I use to do this often. I would hear something from an accusation about someone from another person and was quick to jump on the accusation wagon. When I would hear the whole story, I would feel horrible about what I -falsely- accused the person of doing. I have learned not to judge until you hear the whole story!

    3. Confrontation is for the best interest of the other person. You speak the truth with much grace for the purpose of helping I.e. turning someone away from a wrong path, reconciling a relationship, etc.
    Accusation is attacking the person without gathering all the facts in order to hurt the person. This often happens behind the person’s back in order to smear them in some way. It is ugly!

  17. 167
    Myra says:

    Yes, twisted facts.
    My poor family is often the brunt of my accusations, mostly not spoken but thoughts. Then I discover I was wrong in my thinking. Lord, help me!
    Confrontation is humble, willing to listen to the other person’s point of view and resolve the issue. Accusation is thinking someone is at fault without knowing all the facts and is not humble or willing to listen.

  18. 168
    Jen says:

    1. Yes – Twisting and distorting of facts which did make it frustratingly less refutable!!! My mother does this to me and it is a huge pain factor in my life.

    2. Yes, my false accusations are usually based on “feelings” I have that someone else is “thinking” something about me or a situation that they say is not true. I am not usually right. (I think I inherited this due to answer from #1 but claim it as my cross to bear to break the chain.)

    3. In my opinion Confrontation is when you talk through something with someone that is bothering you and stay open hearted to their response. Accusation is when you have already made up your mind that someone is in the wrong and you “attack” them with your thoughts.

  19. 169
    Dawn Bouchard says:

    1 – Yes! Twice in the course of working in vocational ministry my bosses have made untrue accusations that hurt deeply. My heart was pure, my actions were pure and yet somehow they were misjudged and used against me. Neither one had a ‘factual’ basis; both leaders were struggling with insecurity in their leadership at the time and, looking back, I believe they were just lashing out at me (and others) because of their pain. In both cases God had been doing amazing things in the ministry as a whole, so again, in hindsight, I can see it was a work of the enemy to discredit Him and discourage me.

    2 – I have never publicly ‘accused’ someone, but in my heart and to members of my family I certainly have judged many. Most of the time I have been at least partially right in my assessment of a situation (actions, motivations, etc.), but I have learned that life is complicated and situations are never as ‘simple’ or ‘black and white’ as they seem. My husband is one who assumes the best about people, sometimes to a fault, and he has helped me to be less quick to judge/accuse and see the benefits of instead choosing to show compassion, empathy and give people the space to be ‘human’ and ‘in process’.

    3 – I think the difference between confrontation and accusation lies in the heart motive of the one who is speaking. One who confronts sees healing,restoration, understanding and discovery (of truth) as their motive while an accuser seeks to justify their own perception of truth, advance their own cause or mitigate their own pain by inflicting pain on another. Confrontation is motivated by true care and concern for the other person while accusation is self-focused.

  20. 170
    Sara says:

    1. I have been judged and more or less attacked in a small group setting for something that contained many false assumptions and was rooted in ignorance of the subject and fear on that accuser’s behalf. I find that the majority of people who attack you in this area have no firsthand experience with the issue at hand and are solely basing their “facts” on second hand information from others.

    3. The difference in confrontation and accusation would generally be the facts/truth it’s rooted in. We can and should confront those we love, whom we see acting in a manner of disobedience to scripture. Desiring a greater good for them, and speaking with words rooted in love, we confront to help them. Accusation is typically based on assumptions and generalizations and comes across judgmentally. Accusation might commonly be rooted in insecurity and be motivated by a desire to attack, judge and bring someone down for selfish purposes.

  21. 171
    Sabrina says:

    I was a confidant to 2 people who were in a troubled marriage (with other people) but were being drawned to each other. I tried to be a friend to both cautioning the to be concerened that Satan was not drawing both of them into something that would be detrimental to their marriage as well as their spitual walk. When it all came to light- I was accused of being an instigator in the relationship and neither party who could valid that I was not was too scared to defend me. The betrayal of it all was devastating to me and I lost not only 2 but 4 friends in the process and I ws truly an innocent party. Since then (7 years late) both marriages have broken up and at least 3 have apoligized to me but at the time- I was very hurt and felt that my friendship with all of them should have merited the “benefit of the doubt” as to if I would do anything to hurt any of them. have I ever falsely accused anyone of anything? No- because I have been falsely accused- I would never want someone to feel that level of betrayal. The differnce between confrontation and accusation is how much truth you hare privy to. Confrontation is ” this is my assumption- give me the facts”… Accusation is “Ive already decided on the facts and you are guilty!” The difference? Benefit of the doubt

  22. 172
    Stacia says:

    3. I think “confrontation” is done in a spirit of correction for the betterment of someone or some situation or relationship. You confront to help or correct. “Accusation” is more about placing blame. I’m more likely to want to accuse when I or someone else has been hurt and I want to lash out. I want to confront when I want to try to make something right.

  23. 173
    Dea says:

    I was in Acts 24 this morning when the apostle Paul was facing accusation. I think when accusation is used mostly for some selfish motive. We do or it is done to us because it furthers our “mission” of getting what we want. It may be a righteous motive, or at least we perceive it to be, but we aren’t willing to wait on God so we take things into own hands. (David and Joab–another example maybe?)

    One of my gifts is prophecy–not future telling but being truth teller. It’s not a comfortable gift as you know. I don’t like to confront people with truth. I only do it if there eternal consequences. I do my very best to speak the truth in love. But there are times I am sure it is received as accusation. Both accusation and confrontation are not only about those dishing it out but about the perceptions of the one on the receiving end. I am certain I have received confrontation as accusation when it was not intended in that way. My 2 cents.

  24. 174
    Shelly Green says:

    1. I was falsely accused many times in a past relationship, for all sorts of absurd things that had no grounds (example: ex-boyfriend made false accusations of a sexual nature because my brother was in my bedroom. Albeit he was there because he delivered some new bedroom furniture and helped me carry it in and set it up). Far too many false accusations made to list, but they were very hurtful and made me angry and bitter in return.
    2. Yes, I accused as well, but mine accusations were 100% correct. The person in question #1 was cheating with several women, hence the false accusations towards me to justify his shortcomings and unfaithfulness. My accusations were denied as false, but text messages and the other women themselves verified before he finally admitted it. Of course, I struggle now with trust with my new boyfriend, but pray every day for God to help me through that. He is not at fault for the sins of another, and each time I have a doubt sneak into my head, I pray.
    3. Confrontation is good…if done in a loving manner, for the good of those involved. It can clear up misunderstandings, heal wounds, draw people closer together. Accusations are hurtful, and bring bitterness and anger. I think all issues that need addressed should be thought out, and presented in a calm setting in a non-angry manner. Not always easy to do!

  25. 175
    Jean says:

    1. I have been accused of NOT loving someone I do truly love because the action of love did not come in the way the other person perceived it should. Because I did not perform in the expected way, they perceived I did not love them~ or maybe not enough. ( The Love Languages book really helps with this one)
    2. I have accused my children of wrong deeds. Sometimes, without “listening” first to an explanation of circumstances. ” Be Quick to Hear”.
    3. I think the difference is that confrontation involves TWO people~ it implies there is some conversation, perhaps some give and take. Where as accusation is one sided~ one directed against the other, not “with” the other.
    ~ Great topic , Beth. I can not wait to hear your message on this. God continues to speak through you to our hearts. Thank you for your obedience and always being an amazing example to all of us!

  26. 176
    Amy says:

    1. Yes-definitely a twisting or perversion of facts/truth
    2. I’m not one to put voice to my accusatory thoughts. I know good and well I’m possibly wrong and definitely without all of the info. However, that does not apply when it comes to my kids. I’m also nearly always right when it comes to them. Ha!
    3. When comparing the two words, it seems that confrontation leaves room for questions. Accusation has the connotation of already thinking you know everything. You’re not coming with an inquiring mind but one that is already made up.

  27. 177
    Cathy says:

    1- I have been accused several times (mostly by family) and for me it was always twisting/distorting or misinterpretation of facts,

    2- Sadly I have been the accuser more times than I want to think about. And sometimes I was right. But I always felt bad about the way I handled it. I was a broken person and in my brokenness was not capable of confrontation in a calm and thoughtful manner — it was fraught with way too much emotion. Emotion ruled the day and often divided.

    3- Confrontation is not done out of anger. It’s purpose is to clear the air and heal the relationship/situation. It’s goal is partially the welfare of the person confronted. Accusation is blame’s twin brother and is almost or maybe even always done in anger. It’s purpose is to make the accuser feel better and has no thought of all of the welfare of the person accused.

  28. 178
    M says:

    1. I know this says to come up with something in our adult life, but I have to take it back to high school. At a sleepover one summer, I found myself being cornered by my friends step-father and was taken advantage of. I told no one but that friend. At first my friend was supportive but when school started back up, I walked in to my first class with all eyes on me and whispers floating through the air. It seems that my friend had had a change of heart, and had told our classmates that I had come to the step-dad and initiated it. The rumors and harassment I endured as a result were devastating to me at that time, although because of certain behaviors in my past I felt that there was no way I could convince anyone of what really happened and felt that I was being punished by other bad behavior.
    2. I accused my step daughter of something completely inappropriate and although I had my reasons at the time, some things should just be left unsaid and I feel that i caused a distance in her relationship with her dad. Talk about a crummy feeling.

  29. 179
    Gretchen says:

    1. I used to babysit a lot when I was a teen, and one time a mother called me the day after I sat for her son and wanted to talk to my mother and come over. It was inconvenient to my family as my Mom was getting ready to to out that evening, but the lady I baby sat for came over anyway. And proceeded to accuse me of stealing her watch. My Mom then went through my entire room (!!) with the other lady present, and of course, no watch. A few days later she called and apologized because she found her watch. Another time I was accused by a woman at church of flirting with her fiance IN CHURCH!! I had never met the woman, but apparently she went to the leader of my Bible study with the story — all this had been going on for a few weeks and I was completely unaware. She came to me one Sunday morning with a couple of friends and said she had to talk to me. Thank God I had the presence of mind to ask an older lady who I knew to come with me to talk to her. And she flat out accused me of flirting with this guy. To this day I think she still believes this and I still don’t know why in the world this happened. Another gal at that church a few years later accused me to all manner of things and was telling me what my motives were – it was so bizarre. She would not let up, so I just apologized to her. I found out later that she did this with a few others, too
    2. I have been dead guilty of making assumptions about others – and I have often been dead wrong. Forgive me, Lord.
    3. Confronting someone means seeking them out for restoration, accusing someone is seeking them out to shame.

  30. 180
    Lori says:

    1. My ex has fabricated lies about me for 4 years in an effort to devastate me. He was very controlling and did not like losing that control. The lies are well woven with truth… so much so that I often wonder if he knows the difference, or if he really believes what he’s saying. Outsiders cannot quickly discern the truth.

    2. In dealing with him I have often assumed him to be lying…only to find out that he wasn’t. I labled him a liar and quit evaluating the facts. That’s an error my part.

    3. Confrontation is addressing an issue while accusation is saying that a person did something wrong. Confrontation could certainly lead to accusation. Or vice verse, I suppose.

  31. 181
    Suzy says:

    1. My father was a pastor, and as a teenager at a church camp one time, I was found alone with my boyfriend. (Being in the “fundamentalist” movement, that was a HUGE no-no!) Anyway, I was sent home, and my mother, as she was whipping me, accused me of trying to destroy my dad’s ministry.

    It was a false accusation – I was simply being immature and disobedient. But from my perspective now, maybe it had some grain of truth to it, because I hated that my Dad was a pastor; I felt as if I lived in a “glass house”, and totally resented that.

    The result? Bitterness toward my parents for a long time. The Lord has healed that in me – I was able to let it go a long time ago. But if I think about it (as I am doing now, writing this down) it still brings a twinge of pain.

    2. I don’t think I’ve ever accused anyone. I may have, and don’t remember.

    3. Confrontation is speaking the truth to someone doing something wrong, usually with the ultimate goal of getting them on the right track.

    Accusation is a judgment – like passing judgment before you may even know the whole picture.

  32. 182
    Diane E. says:

    1) I think I’ve been accused of something untrue several times in my adult life, but the time I have clearest memories about had to do with my job. At the time, I felt like the accusations came “out of nowhere” but as they developed, I could see that it was actually a twisted form of the truth. It was really hard to explain myself and defend my position because someone was putting her own reasons behind things that I did (or didn’t do). Rather than being asked why I was doing certain things, I was accused of having certain motives that were untrue. What made it so hard is that the facts (the things I did/didn’t do) were not really in question, it was the motives behind them, and because the other person had made up her mind, it was hard to come out from under that.

    2) Sadly, the people I accuse most are those I love the best, my husband and children. I am trying to be more aware of this behavior and to be a better listener. I am trying not to jump to conclusions and to work things out in a civilized manner because I’ve learned that accusing someone of something doesn’t lead to change, it just leads to defensiveness.

    3) Accusation, I think, is one sided. One person has decided that another person is wrong and is convinced. It is also personal: a person is accused of doing or not doing something, or of behaving in a certain way. Accusation can happen with or without approaching the other person directly, part of what makes accusations so painful. You can accuse someone without even speaking to that person, or even knowing them.

    A confrontation can be less personal, more about the situation. You might confront a person with an issue, even in anger, but a confrontation has to happen face-to-face (or at least over the phone or on the computer); you can’t confront someone behind their back. A confrontation gives weight to both sides of the argument or conversation while accusation is one-sided.

  33. 183
    Jennifer says:

    1. Yes – It was a big distortion of fact. I did what I thought was an appropriate/nice gesture, but was accused of doing it to make others look bad. The honest truth is that I was just being polite as I was raised to be.

    2. I tend to be very nieve and not accuse people of things, however my husband is clearly gifted in discernment so when he makes an accusation, he’s usually dead on! I can’t think of a time he has regretted it. He typically just goes to the person to talk about it & see if its true. He doesn’t gossip about it.

    3. To me, confrontation is going to the person to ask them about it & find out the truth. Accusation is just assuming that they did it.

  34. 184
    SM says:

    In response to question #1–
    Yes I live with wrongful accusation. I believe the accusation is based on the accuser’s mis-perception of my motives/actions. One of our daughters was “kidnapped” by Satan and fell headfirst into the pit of a same-sex relationship in ’06. Having NEVER seen this coming with our very feminine,fashion-conscious,gorgeous young lady nor knowing exactly the correct course of action, my husband and I did everything we could think of to Biblically love, guide and discipline however our actions were (and have not been)accepted as rooted in love and a fierce desire to see her heart righted with God. Instead we are labled hypocrites and other adjectives.

    “Perception is one’s reality”–painfully true. I/we covet your prayers. I cling to my hope in God, HE will be glorified, yet this is the absolute hardest thing I have EVER endured.

  35. 185
    Jill says:

    #1- I have been accused by a pastor’s wife (I also am a pastor’s wife) of being hypocritical, rebellious and fake. I was devastated. I received great counsel by a trusted friend outside the church to keep silent. The more I defend the worse it will become. My actions were twisted and because of how this woman already felt about me, her accusations seemed justified. It was a difficult season.

    #2- Sadly I, too, have accused. It came from a heart of fear I believe. Fear of what could happen if I didn’t accuse. It has never turned out well and I have regretted my accusations.

    #3- I believe confrontation comes from a place of wanting to restore and make peace. Speaking truth in love to find out the whole story. That being the ultimate goal. Accusation comes out of fear and insecurity and ends up hurting and not helping. Having a belief about the person and situation in your mind before you even speak. It never ends up well or honoring God. Love believes the best!

  36. 186
    Annice says:

    (Number 2) I’m an accuser mostly because I am paranoid that most people are working against me. I lack the courage to confront and get to the bottom of my paranoia because I fear these people will think I’m nuts. So, it’s just safer for me to accuse and then forgive. Yep, I’m pretty much a twisted sister and filled with joy knowing that God is desperately working on me to free me from these issues.

  37. 187
    Anne says:

    My work environment has stretched me beyond my human limitations in ways that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But the growth that I have experienced has made me a better follower and listener of my beloved LORD. I am answering all 3 questions with this relevance in mind:

    1. I have been accused by my workmates of every level in the spectrum: Complete fabrication to fragments of the truth. I believe that work environments are so very difficult because we never choose the ones that we sit with, 8 hours a day, week after week. I struggle with knowing and being known at the “acceptable business level” without exposing or holding back too much of myself, which creates misunderstandings on almost every level.

    2. I have jumped to conclusions based on scraps of fact due to my defensive ego and my failure to allow healing and repentance to swallow my past and evolve me into the fruitful individual that God is ever so diligent in challenging me to become. I am a very passive-aggressive person – so I tend to let something fester instead of tackling it head on.

    3. The last 2 weeks were particularly difficult. I have been working on a project with a co-worker that is a polar opposite to me; in fact she has been a burden to love from the beginning. I was sharing, with humility, my experiences to a dear friend who confronted me with the challenge of repentance and prayer for my co-worker. I have continued throughout the week to use those words, which were difficult to hear, in prayer and self-examination. However, if she had accused me (which I interpret as calling me guilty as charged) of not repenting and loving – then it would have produced a self-defense in me that would not have been fruitful and could have severely damaged our friendship.

  38. 188
    Sheila Bragg says:

    1. YES! It was fabricated out of thin air. It was totally twisted. We had gone to visit my in-laws one Christmas and I was totally excited because we were finally able to afford to buy them something that I thought they both would like. We had barely sat down when she jumped on us about how badly we “treated” them. I was so floored I immediately began to pray for them and God was merciful. He covered my ears because I did not hear a word they said. I just remember my husband asking me if I was ready to go. Indeed! It was based on her perception that I spent more time with “my family” than my husband’s. It was twisted in that it had nothing to do with them at all. I loved them deeply and Lord knows I had been praying for Him to deepen that love and that I could show it in a way they would see it. Sad thing was, it was the last Christmas we spent with her. She died the next year.

    2. Yes, I did. And NO…it was 100% wrong and it backfired and bit me. I learned from that to stop making snap judgments based on what I see and keep my mouth shut and take it to the Lord alone.

    3. Confrontation, to me, is based on truth and is done in love. The Scriptures tell us to do so when another brother/sister is living in sin. Accusation comes from the pit. I honestly believe it comes from insecurity within us. IF we are totally steeped in Christ, we don’t focus on what others are doing to try to find ways to accuse them. Instead we are finding ways to love them.

  39. 189
    Debbie Maish says:

    I have been accused many times over my life, and I have accused others. The Biblical standard in Acts 25:16 states “I answered them that it was not the custom of the Romans to hand over anyone before the accused had met his accusers face to face and had been given an opportunity to make a defense against the accusation.”

    Most of the time, I have never been able to confront the accuser, nor has the accused been able to confront me. Everyone just walked away. I think the principal of confronting the person changes the accusation and whether the situation will be glorifying to the Lord or not.

  40. 190
    Diane says:

    1. In the course of your adult life, have you ever been painfully accused of something by another person (as opposed to being accused by Satan himself)? If your answer is yes, was the accusation a twisting/distorting of the facts or was it completely fabricated out of thin air? I’m looking into how often the most painful accusations are distortions or perversions of the truth (making them more believable and frustratingly less refutable) versus an outright lie with utterly no tie to the truth.

    Yes, I have and it was more of a twisting/distorting of facts than a complete fabrication.

    2. In the course of your adult life, have you ever accused someone else of something? If your answer is yes (and for most of us in a candid mood, it will be), did you turn out to be 100% right? (By all means, say so if you did. I’m just trying to look at the concept from several different perspectives.) Whether or not you were wrong, right, or partially right, do you have any regrets about making the accusation? If so, what are they and why?
    Yes, sometimes I was right, but mostly I did not have the full picture or enough to be absolutely right-definitely regretted those times, even if it was only in my thoughts!

    3. In your opinion (and without the benefit of a dictionary), what is the difference between confrontation and accusation?
    They are both similar, though accusation seems to carry a judgment call with it–almost with a superiority quality attached with it.

  41. 191
    Alicia says:

    1. Yes, I have been accused for things that were distortions of the truth … which made me question my own sanity and thought-process. I thought it was wise to leave a ministry team (full time work) because a guy I once dated for 4 years was going to join. I had moved on but knew it wouldn’t be wise to serve with him. Those in authority questioned my ability to “trust God” with it and still serve … which tore at my heart. I think they were trying to fight for me to stay but it ended up causing me to question if I really did trust God. In the end, I left. At the time I prayed to God to forgive me if leaving meant I wasn’t trusting Him…but looking back, after emotions settled, I think I was trusting Him and doing what was wise. I don’t want to play the victim because I know I have a tendency to people-please but I think their questions caused me not to know what was of the Lord and what was not.

    2. Yes….It didn’t go well. Sometimes people just want to stay blind to their weaknesses and they do so by lashing out at the people that are trying to help.

    3. A confrontation is done out of love and a desire to build up someone. It takes a brave, true friend to confront someone because it involves pointing out their weakness or failure, thus risking the friendship. I would think a confrontation is done slowly and thoughtfully (most of the time). Pain is only a means to the end, which is the person’s growth in Christ. An accusation is meant to tear someone down, it’s done by someone who might not care about the person, they just want to show them how much they stink. It’s usually done quickly, without thinking, and with the intention of pain as the ends.

  42. 192
    Lisa Metzger says:

    “She speaks with wisdom and faitful instruction is on her tongue” Proverbs 31:26 NIV

    “Cast all of your anxiety on him because he cares for you”
    1 Peter 5:7 NIV

  43. 193
    Diana Brasher says:

    Confrontation is one-on-one, in your face, with or without witnesses. It requires response and, depending on the ones involved, can become a battle or else a path to reconciliation.
    Accusation is more the “preliminary” to confrontation. It can be as subtle as the enemy, through snide remarks in or out of the accused’s hearing, gossipy conversation, often without any basis of truth, and even looks of rebuke and distain. Like a pot of water on the flame, if allowed to continue without “turning down the heat,” it boils over into confrontation.

  44. 194
    siesta sister says:

    1. Yes, I was accused of something that was a distorted and twisted version the truth, so the accuser could justify her actions. While some of the events did take place, she twisted the details to suit her purposes. Then she lied, accusing me of doing what she actually did herself. While it was totally unbelievable to those that know and love me, there was enough truth to make one wonder what part was true! It was very hurtful to me because it came out of nowhere from someone I love and trust completely. It took me a long time to get passed it. Eventually I was, with the Lord’s help, able to forgive her, so I could move on. Forgiveness was the Lord’s gift to me, not her, so I could be free!

    2. Yes, I have been the accuser as well a few times, and on the rare occasions when I confront someone, I am mostly right. BUT being right makes me very sad, I would have much rather been 100% wrong! Recently, there was a time when I was only partly correct, and I hurt someone I love very much by questioning their version of events.

    3. What is the difference between confrontation and accusation? Confrontation is speaking the truth in love; accusation is questioning someone/something without knowing for certain what is true and what is not.

  45. 195
    Amy says:

    1. As an adult, I was accused of gossip and bad mouthing others when I really wasn’t at all. I actually had never once said one word, good or bad, about the people accusing me. The main accuser was just a very insecure person, who let her imagination run wild. She assumed things were happening when friends were together when they were not at all. The accusation was so hurtful and took me completely by surprise. It was hurtful because it was a complete lie. Sadly, as accusations continued, I did start to talk about what was happening and the accuser. The whole thing was heart breaking.

    2. I have made accusations as an adult. I was 100% right each time. They were very painful realizations that suspicions were true. I have no regrets about the accusations, but huge regrets that I let myself get into situations with others where honestly wasn’t valued.

    3. Confrontation is going to an individual and presenting truth in love for resolution. Accusation is often riddled with hurt and anger. It is usually associated with piecing what you think is truth together to assign blame to another.

  46. 196
    Rebecca says:

    1. When I was in my late 20’s (I’m 52 now), I had been hired into a management training program for a large bank, and I relied a lot on my step-dad to give me business advice and talk through challenges I encountered in t workplace (he was the President of a mid-sized business). I could not have known it, as I was not living at home at the time, but the relationship between he and my mom was going through a difficult time.

    My mom accused me of having an affair with my step-dad – absolutely not true, and quite damaging to our relationship. Although the accusation was false – I think it falls into the “twisted” category as I can look back and see that at a time when she was insecure in her marriage, the time and energy he gave to me as a business advisor was a connection she didn’t have with him (perhaps perceived as “emotional adultery”?)

    Most things are not as black and white as we’d like them – it’s the gray part, where the feelings, expectations, perceptions reside that makes things so messy!

  47. 197
    rebecca says:

    3. Confrontation is an intentional method of communication. Accusation is blame.

  48. 198
    Anon says:

    1. I’m trying to find a delicate way of putting this but there just isn’t. It still makes me mad after all these years. My husband (at the suggestion of my in-laws) accused me of having a “thing” for his youngest brother. I didn’t and never did. I was just being nice to BIL because he recently found Christ and was having challenges with Navy bootcamp (this was before DH became a believer). My in-laws interpreted the talking and listening I did to be an act of love. (In a way it was but it was brotherly love, not erotic love. I shudder.). They then insinuated to my DH that I had feelings for my BIL. Needless to say my DH was in a jealous rage. I think I finally put it to rest when I told DH, “Do you think if I ever decide to leave you and marry another, you think I would choose the same dysfunctional in-laws?????”
    Case closed.

    2. Yes, and I was right. Because I found proof beforehand.

    3. Confrontation is when you have the proof. Accusation is when you’re not sure.

  49. 199
    Amy Toney says:

    1) Yes, I have been accused of something. It was in a work setting and was an absoulte distortion of the truth, yet speaking up to correct it would have been prideful and made it worse for many people. The sting of embarassment was brutal and painful.

    2) Yes, I have accused someone of something. It felt right at the time, but awful afterwards. I knew it was not what God would have had me do and did nothing but stir up more dissention among two people who didn’t care much for each other to begin with. Pride was at the root of it…wanting to be “in” with one person by talking badly about the other.

    3) In my opinion, confrontation (when done well) has God at the heart of it. It is done in love and has no pride rooted in it. It is driven by God. Accusation is prideful, often anger-based and driven by our own flesh.

  50. 200
    Gretchen says:

    #l. During one of my last few years of a 27 year career teaching in a small private school, our assistant headmaster…formerly a teaching friend…told a new teaching partner of mine several untruths about me to gain favor with the new teacher and drive a wedge between her and me. Those comments caused me to be under constant scrutiny and mistrust, not only from the new teacher but our headmaster as well. There was a cloud over everything in our area of the school until this teacher and I finally sat down together and came to the truth of the situation together. It was painful, infuriating, and frustrating to be the recipient of such outright meanness! And, yes, the guilty party did use real life school situations and twisted them to make me look bad. I felt I was experiencing real evil from this woman, and the atmosphere was extremely toxic.

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