Impossibly, Nearly Unforgivably Random. And I’m sorry in advance.

Have you ever wanted to blog so badly because you love your blog community so much you can hardly stand it but your mind is as fried as a Louisiana catfish? Well, that’s me today. My heart is huge with affection for you right now but my brain has shrunk under the weight of my bleached blond hair and my tired tongue is tied in about ten thousand tiny knots. I had the great privilege of serving in Sioux Falls, South Dakota this weekend and used up about 500,000 words and, incidentally, got to have my picture taken with about 40 of you darling things the moment it was over. I’ve spent today researching the next lesson I’m writing for Children of the Day and serving my beloved staff at our devotional and prayer time. (We usually have it on Mondays but I got to have a day off with my handsome man yesterday.) And so, here I sit, wanting so much to say something meaningful to you and to say it well and yet girlfriend is tragically bereft of words.

Therefore, instead of staying quiet when I’m bereft of words which is the better part of wisdom, I’ll do what any good, fast-talking sanguine would do: I will just say stuff that comes to my mind. So here goes for what may be the single most pathetic post of my blogging life. And all because I love you and don’t want you to feel forgotten around here. So, actually, you’ll need to take some responsibility for the anti-profundity that is about to blow up all over you like your four year-old with a stomach bug after a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

Random stuff going through my head – or through my life – or anywhere in the vicinity of 100 noticeable miles from me that I have energy enough to say. I’ll go for 20 of them:

1. The main thing I love to get at a fried chicken drive-thru like Church’s is okra. I love fried okra like nobody’s business. No matter what size container of it Keith brings home, I eat it. And I am never glad I did. No, I don’t usually eat that way. I only eat that way if Keith makes me eat that way by bringing it home and setting it under my generous nose. And I like a lot of salt on it. I’m sorry this was first but we’ve fasted all day here at the ministry and I am starving. Well. Not really starving but a tad hungry.


2. I wish I did not use the word “tad” so much.


3. I wish I did not use the word “so” so much.


4. 80% of my travel so far this 2013 has involved drama. Delays. Cancelled flights. You name it. No, I’m not superstitious or anything but my luggage is and it will be happy when it’s 2014.


5. I love serving at Living Proof Live as much as ever and, in some ways, maybe more. I’m not sure what’s up. Well, Jesus is up.


6. My beloved “Miss America of Hair” is out for 3 months with the cutest new baby girl you have just about ever seen. And I could use a strong antidepressant and maybe even a nerve pill. I have told MAOH (Miss America of Hair but it is unfortunate that I had to tell you that) that I am particularly gifted at rocking babies and have no doubt that I could do it even while she is cutting and blow drying my hair.


7. I hate that I’m so selfish.


8. I hate even worse that my hair looks like it has been teased with egg beaters then baked to utter unbreakability.


9. Travis has written a new theme song for Living Proof Live and it is just fantastic. I love it so much. There I go again with a “so.” So, so, so. It’s always so. I’m never underwhelmed. It’s always overwhelmed for me. At some point he’ll record it. I’m talking about Travis now. Please stay with me. I hope it’s while we’re still actually doing the event but we’ll see. He does not seem to be in a hurry. If the song turns into a video, I’ll go ahead and bless you by doing an interpretive dance.


10. Keith has new really cool, chunky black glasses that Melissa gave him for Father’s Day and he is so handsome in them. I’ve been working with him on how to wear them because Keith has never made “cool” a big priority. I know. I can’t understand it either. But, that fact is, in order to pull off this new look, I’ve told him over and over that he’s got to own it. He’s getting better at it. And every time he practices it with me, we get tickled to no end.


11. Jackson and Annabeth are at the best ages ever. 7 and 4. I’m bonkers over them. Of late, Annabeth has been swiping her mother’s cell phone and taping videos of herself. They are so funny that Melissa and I push play over and over and over again and laugh as hard the 15th time as the first. Annabeth sings really loud on them and mostly in an unknown language. It’s like once she hits record, she knows she needs to sing but cannot for the life of her think of any words. Like me and today’s post.


12. Tomorrow (August 7th) my mom has been with the Lord for 15 years. I cannot fathom it. She was the axle on which my entire family of origin wheeled. We miss her so much and we are still in the process of sewing our family back together. We all love each other very much but we don’t really know what to do without her. She said jump. We said how high? It’s like we haven’t jumped in 15 years. The spring went right out of our family step. Sorry. That one came out of nowhere. And now I’ve got a lump in my throat which is going to force me to have to say something unfathomably stupid for #13 so I can pull out of it.


13. Queen Esther is going to the beauty shop tomorrow for a trim. Please do not tell me that you do not know that Queen Esther is my 5 year old Border Collie who goes by “Star” for short. I cannot take it. Not after what you put me through with #12.


14. After untold years of unwavering devotion, I have recently switched from Starbuck’s Breakfast Blend in my coffee maker at home to Gevalia Traditional Roast. I still love Starbuck’s Breakfast Blend but it was out of stock recently at Kroger and Keith grabbed us some Gevalia and, honestly, it almost makes me high. Oh, not really. Calm down. But it does make me really anxious and really nervous but in kind of an exhilarating way. I think it may have more caffeine. And goodness knows, all I need is more caffeine.


15. I struggle with insomnia.


(So tickled. It’s deplorably bad manners to admit to, on occasion, making your own self laugh. I wouldn’t do it if this were a better post. But it’s not.)


16. Pause. Pause. Thinking. Thinking. Oh! Here’s a good one! Keith had to put a rabid raccoon out of its misery 2 weeks ago. I was just glad he didn’t take it to the taxidermist.


17. Getting desperate now. And hungrier. Hmmmm. I left my phone charger in the hotel room in Sioux Falls. That’s not a very good one. Let me see if I can think of a better one. Ok. I mostly just use my spray tanner on my arms. My legs that used to be golden brown by sun and then by spray are now a very odd shade of corpse white.


18. Kind of a fun new study experience (translation: not in-depth like COTD but much more than just a listening guide) has just come out called “Sacred Secrets.” We hadn’t intended to do it but had so much fun with it at an LPL event that it turned into something. I took a couple of weeks off from writing COTD to develop it with my editor. I’ll tell you about it when I’m in a more coherent mood. Now’s not the time. It’s not that I’m not in the mood to tell a secret. It’s that I can’t be trusted with anything sacred in this frame of mind.


19. I’m so dang glad it’s August because we can’t get it over-with in Houston until it gets here. Understand what I’m saying? It has to come to go. A lot of things are like that. We dread it all year long around these parts. I now take the dogs for a romp in the country at 7:00 PM so the temperature can drop below 100 degrees. I’m embarrassed at what a terrible point that one was. I know we’ll both be relieved for me to finally get to the next one and put us all out of our misery.


20. The last of my staff just texted me and said, “We are heading out!” So, I better get my tail out of here pretty soon, too, before there’s a creepster in the parking lot. Anyway, I’m hungry.


And I want fried okra.


I apologize, y’all. It’s been humiliating, hasn’t it? Can it just be the thought that counted today? I love you guys like crazy. Stay tight with Jesus. He’s everything. I’ll talk to you soon and it will be like I’m a different person. Only, underneath my skin, this is pretty much me. And THAT’S why we can each be thankful we have Jesus. Or we’d just be plain-old-us.









422 Responses to “Impossibly, Nearly Unforgivably Random. And I’m sorry in advance.”

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  1. 351
    cindy says:

    ONE word: LOVED it!!! yes i can count.

  2. 352
    Cheryl says:

    Oh Miss Beth, I am THANKFUL that you are YOU. I don’t think many of us would be enjoying this blog community without YOU being YOU! You are LOVED! Have you ever come to Reno? I will settle for Sacramento. šŸ˜‰

    PLEASE put us on your 2014 schedule!!! šŸ™‚

  3. 353
    Jordin says:

    Hilarious! I enjoyed this “so” much!

  4. 354
    DigiNee says:

    PERFECT post! Our daughter was just diagnosed with cervical cancer two weeks ago (age 31) and had a TOTAL hyst on Wednesday – waiting on patho report, but AMEN GOD, no mets. SO, this post was truly PERFECT. The hair one was over the top and of course, my man and I have been counting down the days until the October cool front hits the Big H – especially when we are on our bike rides! Thanks Beth!

  5. 355
    Lynn says:

    All this talk of spray tanning made me think of that lotion from the 1960’s called QT — short for quick tan. I was a kid then but my best friend’s older sister bought some and smeared it on her arms and legs. Not only did it smell like nicotine, but left streak marks. Instead of a gorgeous Hollywood tan as advertised, she looked jaundiced. It wouldn’t wash off so she had to go around looking like that until it wore off. I trust that today’s spray tanning stuff is better.

  6. 356
    Mama T says:


  7. 357
    D'Anna says:

    Hilarious! I needed that ramble this morning. Starting my day in a good, lighthearted mood!
    Hugs, D’Anna

  8. 358
    Kathy B says:

    Oh, I just love these random moments with Beth. I was actually hoping for just such a visit with you! Thank you, Lord! Clearly, you weren’t trying to be uplifting. Consider that proof that God loves us…even in our silliness šŸ™‚ Perhaps sometimes even because of it.

    Not because you’ve asked and certainly not because you need it, but I’ll share some randomness. Not unlike talking to myself, but then I didn’t start the verbal vomit. Grin.

    Did you know it’s challenging to type with a bandaid on the end of your middle finger? I’m so glad you asked: I sliced the end of it while opening a package with a small saw. I’ll leave it at that. Thank the Lord it stopped bleeding, but not before I’d ranted, “Shoot a monkey,” at least half a dozen times. Made me miss my mother. She’d say that all the time. I know, I know. It’s kinda like Christian slang cussing. I’m ok with that. Though I have absolutely no idea why someone would want to shoot a monkey. It’s not like it was a rabid racoon.

  9. 359
    Charlotte Skadal says:

    I LOVED this post (wish I didn’t use caps so much….not shouting, just being emphatic).

    One of my most favorite parts of our Bible studies at First Baptist is when Momma Beth tucks her arms behind her back one hand in the other, begins to pace slowly like a quiet walk in the woods, dips her chin ever so slightly in thought, gets a slight grin on her face and a twinkle in her eye and you just have to know we are in for an especially tender moment of sharing! Most of the time, she tells us about a life experience that ties in with what she’s teaching. But now and then, we really get a peek at something that touches Beth’s heart (usually a story about Annabeth or Jackson complete with pictures) and it is SO RANDOM …. sorry, that required caps! Awesome.

    Thanks for this post Beth, it brought back memories that just make me crave our next semester! Love you.

  10. 360
    Joan Tatum says:

    Beth, this just made my day. Much love to you!

  11. 361
    Romona Smith says:

    Love the random thoughts. Sometimes it is good just to relax & talk like girlfriends. I travel for work and have the pleasure of working in Houston for a few more months. When I stay over for a weekend I get to fellowship at Bayou City Fellowship – love it! The last time I was there Lindsee was leading Praise & Worship – I cried through the entire thing! God is so good & His wonderful Spirit overwhelms me.

  12. 362
    Sacha says:

    Thank you Beth! That was fun and funny! I laughed! I think you are so funny and I love it when you have “random” blog posts!

  13. 363
    theHarborMom says:

    That was just the right way to end my day. Thanks, Beth.

  14. 364
    seanie b. says:

    Love u, Miss Beth… thanks for this!

  15. 365
    Alyson says:

    I loved this! You are truly an inspritation and I enjoy your Bible studies and hearing you speak… but this post has somehow made you more real to me! Probably because I am quite random myself and understood your thought process (or lack there of) completely!
    Thank you for being you!

  16. 366
    liz says:

    Thank you Beth for taking time to write….
    I enjoyed it (I guess that says something about me)
    My random thought for the day is a think the Lord is leading my husband and I in a year of Shmita.

  17. 367
    Audrey says:

    It’s just good to hear from you! Random and real, or well put together and real, I know you love Jesus. I love having spiritual conversations with my husband, but I’m pretty sure I enjoy chatting with him and getting tickled over something silly equally as much! You are a good friend, and even when it has to be a while between visits, it feels like we just pick up where we last left off šŸ™‚
    I love you, sister!

  18. 368
    Marcia says:

    I love love love this post. I love you for being real and funny!!

    Did I say love too much? šŸ™‚

  19. 369
    katiegfromtennessee says:

    Siesta Mama Beth, you make me laugh out loud:):) I had fried okra at Cracker Barrel on Saturday, and I do like fried okra also:) What you said about Keith was hilarious, and I think your most random post was the best! I MOST DEFINITELY want to stay tight with Jesus right now. I keep hearing you say in my head, “Stay in the Word!” You are seriously right about that. That’s the only way for me…((HUGS)) to you today Siesta Mama Beth:)

  20. 370
    Tanya says:

    My dear Beth. some kind of sadness comes through what you wrote. I will say a prayer for you today.

  21. 371
    Mimi G says:

    Thank you so much for this blog today, Beth. I needed a good laugh! Lots of sad things going on with friends and family right now. Love you!

  22. 372
    Marian says:

    I just read your last post. My precious aunt passed suddenly last week on August 7th. I am so very sad. She was the most lovely, gracious godly lady, I have had the privilege to know, she reminded me so much of my nana, her mother. She loved the Word and when my cousin read Colossians 3:12, it so described her nature, and it so doesn’t describe mine. I guess I overuse “so” as well. Prayers for you Beth. We don’t really get over those kind of losses. Hugs.

  23. 373
    Robin in New Jersey says:

    Can anyone help? I am trying to find out if the conference on Sept. 14th will be simulcast and how do I find a church. A couple years ago I went to a simulcast and I was able to locate a church online at the website. I don’t see a listing for any churches at the website this time.

    • 373.1
      Lindsee says:

      Hi there! LifeWay is in charge of all the conferences, including the simulcast so they have all the info for this. I tried looking on their website but couldn’t find anything as well, so if I were you, I might try and contact them. They might be of more help to you! I hope that helps a little!

  24. 374
    Niki Carroll says:

    Absolutely AWESOME! Funny how on-time our God is… I’m reading this a week late and yet… “so” needed it. Guess I’m the overwhelmed type too! Now… gots to go find me a Church’s… did NOT know they had fried okra!

  25. 375
    Lindsey Burton says:

    Let me just tell you, this post as random as it was got me through this morning! I have been struggling with my job at work and not entirely enjoying it these days and struggling with a bit of depression. I have done one of your bible studies and will forever read your stuff with your accent in my head šŸ™‚ I love the Random post, sometimes you just say what is on your mind. Thank you Beth Moore for making my morning!

  26. 376
    mary says:

    LOL! Thanks so much for being you, Beth!

    Needed the laugh and the reminder of who we all are :).

  27. 377
    Pam says:

    Oh Beth, I needed this laugh so much today!! God Bless your Pea Pickin Heart šŸ™‚ šŸ™‚ We love you and our church can’t wait to host your Simulcast on Sept 14.

    Have a blessed week, and I love Fried Okra as well!!!

  28. 378
    Gail T says:

    I like you because you are weird (read silly), like me. It helps to always be reminded it’s ok to be weird.

  29. 379
    Donna Bosch says:

    Oh, sister……….just got a chance to read this post and have to tell you it just made me chuckle over and over and over…….thanks for brightening my day!!

  30. 380
    Hannah Hancock says:

    Oh my goodness, I hope you are feeling the LOVE from all your Siestas out here, because I too LOVED this post! And may I just say, that I am still desperately searching for my own Miss America of Hair so if you have ANY connections in the Central Florida area–PLEASE! HOOK A SISTER UP! My last 2 hackjobs (which were supposed to be trims) were atrocious.

    I wish I weren’t SOOO dramatic.

    But really though, I’m serious about the hair. I’m at the end of my rope. šŸ˜‰

    Love you, Ms. Beth!

  31. 381
    JJC says:

    You like to rock babies?! I just had twins and JUST moved to Houston as well, so it sounds to me like a match made in heaven! šŸ™‚

    You can get your baby fix and I can get some sleep. Ha!

    In your spare time, of course.

    Actually you and your staff prayed for these babies, believe it or not. Thank you! Last fall, August or September, maybe October, I posted on the LPM site asking for prayer as I underwent invitro in Virginia. Bless God he gave me twins! šŸ™‚ Such an answer to prayers of many.

  32. 382
    Sue DeMaine says:

    loved this…needed this…still hanging on by my fingernails on a creaky windowsill…but, i’m at least still here šŸ™‚ no reason to go into what or why…ALL of us have something or too many things or worse maybe nothing… you help so many of us…thank you for your honesty, prayers, and sharing…

  33. 383
    tammy says:

    I just love you. Love when you share random stuff cause it makes me feel more normal! hahaha looking forward to seeing you in November!

  34. 384
    Sarah, Plainfield IN says:

    But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.
    Hebrews 10:39 NIV

  35. 385
    Katie says:

    What is COTD?

  36. 386
    Tammy Goodwin says:

    Beth, I cannot adequately express to you how much I needed to read this post today. It made me so happy and I literally laughed out loud many times. Thank you for your transparency and for being real. It’s refreshing to know that I am not the only one who has trouble dealing with life sometimes. I love you, my sweet sister in Christ!

  37. 387
    Delinda says:

    Oh how I need thee! Jesus that is.
    We all have idiosyndrasies and I adore loving yours. Wish we could know each other in the flesh. Actually, I tell people that you and I are friends, but you don’t know it yet.
    In Christ our RISEN King

  38. 388
    Linda, La Junta, CO says:

    Psalm 103:7 NIV

    He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:

  39. 389
    Crystal Voorhees says:

    Hi Beth,
    I am so at ease to have read your post. I wanted to tell you that your ministry blesses me. I get you; or at least I think I do. I love learning the scriptures with you. Strangely I just stumbled upon your blog today (well yesterday since now it’s gone past midnight). I’m at ease because I feel spent, but still my heart longs to help, speak, give. (insert rest and then proceed). I’m glad to have read your words in the midst of this. It’s comforting, and funny, and a blessing. Thank you for being honest.

  40. 390
    Charlotte says:

    I have not had fried okra in years! Since my dad passed away I have gotten my fix at Cracker Barrel šŸ™‚
    One of my favorite lines from a movie is from Sweet Home Alamba : “Why don’t you go back to your double and fry something.” My response to that? “Why I think I will, maybe some okra?”

  41. 391
    Molly says:

    Dark French Roast, Trader Joes…you are welcome!

  42. 392
    Kim Posey says:

    Thank you so much for your honest and down to earth post of random stuff. I absolutely loved it and just needed it today more than you will ever know (mind you, over a week later… God has His timing for us :)). I needed to be reminded that we are human, we have down days, and God is whispering, “Kim, it is OK”… Just be today… Thank you again Beth, Love you Sister…
    Seeking 2 Serve – Kim Posey

  43. 393
    Pam says:

    I read this over a week ago and just came back to let you know that these random posts are some of my favorites!

  44. 394
    kathy says:

    Thank you and I understand about you Mom, that is a loving grief my friend!!! for you and your siblings. You guys will get there, I just know it! I needed this post tonight, a chance to sit and laugh with a Sister in Christ, this life is soooooo serious and often soooooo painful business -I LOVE that you are “out there” on occasion and you are willing to share with us to make us feel a bit normal – we are funny and you just have to go “what in the world” sometimes????- Love ya

  45. 395
    Carmela Fisher says:

    This sweet friend, could be one of my favorite posts to date. I LOVE your rambling, sharing, thinking out loudness SO much (I love so, too). I could ramble on in my post, but I will simply say, #12…”we haven’t jumped since”. Really girl???

    You don’t have time to just jump as you have been leaping! You may think that somehow your “life as you knew with mom” is no longer, and you right it’s not (I lost mine 16 years ago), but you are jumping and leaping at a kangaroos pace. And all of us women, who learn from you how to love our Savior more, study His word deeper, live our lives as vessels for our King….can never thank you enough for your obedience. You are an unhindered beautiful follower, jumping for joy precious thing, and I love you to pieces.

  46. 396
    just another sarah says:

    I love how God uses you! Here it is, the middle of the night, and I cannot sleep. (Insomnia plagues me too). Over a month has elapsed since you wrote this, and yet it came to me at exactly the right time. I have been drowning in a sea of sadness lately, and when the long nights come, I start searching for something, and too many times lately that something has been my addictions (self-harm and pornography). Tonight when I was searching for something else entirely, a different blog post of yours popped up. I have not been around here in a while, but it caused me to flip back through the posts to see what I had missed. When I came to this post, I knew I had to read it. My stomach that had just moments before hurt from a deep well of despair is now hurting from fits of laughter. This post was exactly what I needed, right when I need it. God can use even the random to reach out, and this is one siesta who is externally grateful that He did.

  47. 397
    Barb Schwarz says:

    I’m catching up on LPM blogs and just read this. I have been in such a struggle with “spirituality” lately (not even sure what that means) and so appreciated this post. Thank you for being down to earth, for sharing your thoughts like that. It helps me see that we don’t always have to be quoting scripture or singing hymns. It helps to reinforce that God knows our frame and remembers that we are dust – we are not disappointing him when we have the ‘earthly’ feelings that we do. Thank you for being such a light and worthy example of a Godly woman.

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