Impossibly, Nearly Unforgivably Random. And I’m sorry in advance.

Have you ever wanted to blog so badly because you love your blog community so much you can hardly stand it but your mind is as fried as a Louisiana catfish? Well, that’s me today. My heart is huge with affection for you right now but my brain has shrunk under the weight of my bleached blond hair and my tired tongue is tied in about ten thousand tiny knots. I had the great privilege of serving in Sioux Falls, South Dakota this weekend and used up about 500,000 words and, incidentally, got to have my picture taken with about 40 of you darling things the moment it was over. I’ve spent today researching the next lesson I’m writing for Children of the Day and serving my beloved staff at our devotional and prayer time. (We usually have it on Mondays but I got to have a day off with my handsome man yesterday.) And so, here I sit, wanting so much to say something meaningful to you and to say it well and yet girlfriend is tragically bereft of words.

Therefore, instead of staying quiet when I’m bereft of words which is the better part of wisdom, I’ll do what any good, fast-talking sanguine would do: I will just say stuff that comes to my mind. So here goes for what may be the single most pathetic post of my blogging life. And all because I love you and don’t want you to feel forgotten around here. So, actually, you’ll need to take some responsibility for the anti-profundity that is about to blow up all over you like your four year-old with a stomach bug after a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

Random stuff going through my head – or through my life – or anywhere in the vicinity of 100 noticeable miles from me that I have energy enough to say. I’ll go for 20 of them:

1. The main thing I love to get at a fried chicken drive-thru like Church’s is okra. I love fried okra like nobody’s business. No matter what size container of it Keith brings home, I eat it. And I am never glad I did. No, I don’t usually eat that way. I only eat that way if Keith makes me eat that way by bringing it home and setting it under my generous nose. And I like a lot of salt on it. I’m sorry this was first but we’ve fasted all day here at the ministry and I am starving. Well. Not really starving but a tad hungry.


2. I wish I did not use the word “tad” so much.


3. I wish I did not use the word “so” so much.


4. 80% of my travel so far this 2013 has involved drama. Delays. Cancelled flights. You name it. No, I’m not superstitious or anything but my luggage is and it will be happy when it’s 2014.


5. I love serving at Living Proof Live as much as ever and, in some ways, maybe more. I’m not sure what’s up. Well, Jesus is up.


6. My beloved “Miss America of Hair” is out for 3 months with the cutest new baby girl you have just about ever seen. And I could use a strong antidepressant and maybe even a nerve pill. I have told MAOH (Miss America of Hair but it is unfortunate that I had to tell you that) that I am particularly gifted at rocking babies and have no doubt that I could do it even while she is cutting and blow drying my hair.


7. I hate that I’m so selfish.


8. I hate even worse that my hair looks like it has been teased with egg beaters then baked to utter unbreakability.


9. Travis has written a new theme song for Living Proof Live and it is just fantastic. I love it so much. There I go again with a “so.” So, so, so. It’s always so. I’m never underwhelmed. It’s always overwhelmed for me. At some point he’ll record it. I’m talking about Travis now. Please stay with me. I hope it’s while we’re still actually doing the event but we’ll see. He does not seem to be in a hurry. If the song turns into a video, I’ll go ahead and bless you by doing an interpretive dance.


10. Keith has new really cool, chunky black glasses that Melissa gave him for Father’s Day and he is so handsome in them. I’ve been working with him on how to wear them because Keith has never made “cool” a big priority. I know. I can’t understand it either. But, that fact is, in order to pull off this new look, I’ve told him over and over that he’s got to own it. He’s getting better at it. And every time he practices it with me, we get tickled to no end.


11. Jackson and Annabeth are at the best ages ever. 7 and 4. I’m bonkers over them. Of late, Annabeth has been swiping her mother’s cell phone and taping videos of herself. They are so funny that Melissa and I push play over and over and over again and laugh as hard the 15th time as the first. Annabeth sings really loud on them and mostly in an unknown language. It’s like once she hits record, she knows she needs to sing but cannot for the life of her think of any words. Like me and today’s post.


12. Tomorrow (August 7th) my mom has been with the Lord for 15 years. I cannot fathom it. She was the axle on which my entire family of origin wheeled. We miss her so much and we are still in the process of sewing our family back together. We all love each other very much but we don’t really know what to do without her. She said jump. We said how high? It’s like we haven’t jumped in 15 years. The spring went right out of our family step. Sorry. That one came out of nowhere. And now I’ve got a lump in my throat which is going to force me to have to say something unfathomably stupid for #13 so I can pull out of it.


13. Queen Esther is going to the beauty shop tomorrow for a trim. Please do not tell me that you do not know that Queen Esther is my 5 year old Border Collie who goes by “Star” for short. I cannot take it. Not after what you put me through with #12.


14. After untold years of unwavering devotion, I have recently switched from Starbuck’s Breakfast Blend in my coffee maker at home to Gevalia Traditional Roast. I still love Starbuck’s Breakfast Blend but it was out of stock recently at Kroger and Keith grabbed us some Gevalia and, honestly, it almost makes me high. Oh, not really. Calm down. But it does make me really anxious and really nervous but in kind of an exhilarating way. I think it may have more caffeine. And goodness knows, all I need is more caffeine.


15. I struggle with insomnia.


(So tickled. It’s deplorably bad manners to admit to, on occasion, making your own self laugh. I wouldn’t do it if this were a better post. But it’s not.)


16. Pause. Pause. Thinking. Thinking. Oh! Here’s a good one! Keith had to put a rabid raccoon out of its misery 2 weeks ago. I was just glad he didn’t take it to the taxidermist.


17. Getting desperate now. And hungrier. Hmmmm. I left my phone charger in the hotel room in Sioux Falls. That’s not a very good one. Let me see if I can think of a better one. Ok. I mostly just use my spray tanner on my arms. My legs that used to be golden brown by sun and then by spray are now a very odd shade of corpse white.


18. Kind of a fun new study experience (translation: not in-depth like COTD but much more than just a listening guide) has just come out called “Sacred Secrets.” We hadn’t intended to do it but had so much fun with it at an LPL event that it turned into something. I took a couple of weeks off from writing COTD to develop it with my editor. I’ll tell you about it when I’m in a more coherent mood. Now’s not the time. It’s not that I’m not in the mood to tell a secret. It’s that I can’t be trusted with anything sacred in this frame of mind.


19. I’m so dang glad it’s August because we can’t get it over-with in Houston until it gets here. Understand what I’m saying? It has to come to go. A lot of things are like that. We dread it all year long around these parts. I now take the dogs for a romp in the country at 7:00 PM so the temperature can drop below 100 degrees. I’m embarrassed at what a terrible point that one was. I know we’ll both be relieved for me to finally get to the next one and put us all out of our misery.


20. The last of my staff just texted me and said, “We are heading out!” So, I better get my tail out of here pretty soon, too, before there’s a creepster in the parking lot. Anyway, I’m hungry.


And I want fried okra.


I apologize, y’all. It’s been humiliating, hasn’t it? Can it just be the thought that counted today? I love you guys like crazy. Stay tight with Jesus. He’s everything. I’ll talk to you soon and it will be like I’m a different person. Only, underneath my skin, this is pretty much me. And THAT’S why we can each be thankful we have Jesus. Or we’d just be plain-old-us.









422 Responses to “Impossibly, Nearly Unforgivably Random. And I’m sorry in advance.”

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  1. 201
    Debbie Price says:

    Thank you Beth for your candor. I needed something light and funny and you gave it to me. I am a big believer in laughter being good for the soul. I’m reading this blog just before I dive into A Woman’s Heart. This was my first introduction to you and your studies back in the 90’s and I’m excited to do the revised study and to look back on the first one. You don’t know it but you and I have been together since my boys were babies and now my first born is leaving for college in the fall. I feel as if you are my friend even though I’ve never met you personally. When I do my studies I feel as if you are sitting at the table, coffee in hand, as we talk about the Scriptures. I’ve had the privilege to facilitate many of your studies in our women’s ministry. Much love to you and continued blessings for your ministry.

  2. 202
    kimberly patallas says:

    Loved this’s randomness, it’s honesty and humor. No apologies necessary. xoxoxo.

  3. 203
    Teresa Stout says:

    Well, I’ll be….I think this was one of my favorite posts! Love the randomness!

  4. 204

    I am facilitating “Sacred Secrets” beginning October 6th for our ladies at our church. We are already preordering everything. I’m so (oops there’s Beth’s ‘so’) looking forward to it.

  5. 205
    jackie harris says:

    loved this, siesta mama, especially the interpretive dance imagery. love you!

  6. 206

    That was beyond fun to read!

  7. 207
    Redeemed says:

    I haven’t been in the blog/internet/computer mood for quite some time now, but I opened this up this morning and it’s already made my whole day!

    I, too, walk my dogs under cover of darkness because I am afraid they will spontaneously combust if we head out during daylight.

    And I also use my spray tan just on the parts that show! (Just curious, what brand do you use?)

    Love you! My favorite random Bible teacher!

    • 207.1
      LPM-KMac says:

      I know Beth has said before that she’s “tried them all”, but a few of us around the ministry are in love with Fake Bake (Ulta). And also another one I got a tip about from a makeup artist is TanWise (Sally’s Beauty Supply). Happy ‘limb tanning’!

  8. 208
    Kari Souder says:

    It is a joy to read that your life is as random as mine. I absolutely loved it. Thanks for all you do, you are such an inspiration! I have to admit I’ve never had fried okra…but I will try to find some in Delaware…it may be a lost cause. Hugs!!

  9. 209
    Liz P says:

    I’m with you on the Gevalia Traditional Roast coffee. It just recently came available in stores. Before, I had to order it online. It’s so good!!!!

    I share your love of fried okra. When I was a student at Liberty University, they always served it in the Deli. Oh my. I couldn’t get enough!

    Posts like this are the best because we get to know you as a person — so thank you. Not in the least boring…so enjoyable.

  10. 210
    Karen Anderson says:

    Thanks for keeping it real! Love you and Jesus.

  11. 211
    Mary says:

    Love you, Beth

  12. 212
    Janice says:

    Do I need to be embarrassed to say that is one of my all time favorite blogs I have ever read. Inow I praying for the video and dance

  13. 213
    Eden says:

    It’s the random, little things that make me smile the most! Fried Okra is divine.
    Thank you for sharing Beth! Lovelove.

  14. 214
    2bluemom says:

    I love a good random post every now and then. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve had a pretty serious summer so I appreciate things that make me laugh! Love you, Mama Beth!
    Oh and my twin boys are the same age as Annabeth and I don’t know much about age 7 but I agree, age 4 is a hoot! They’ll wear me out sometimes … OK, all the time, but they are endlessly entertaining!

  15. 215
    Lisa Jones says:

    Beth, you are the funniest! I believe God did this on purpose. We all need to just be sometimes. Does that make sense?? Thank you for being just like us! And letting us see that. What a joy you and your ramblings are!! And thank you for following God’s call to teach His Word. You are dearly loved sweet sister!!

  16. 216
    Barbara Head says:

    I’m so glad it is “THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS”. I honestly got up this morning with such random vain imaginations that as I got into my quiet time, I realized that I just had to pray for myself today. Thankfully, God doesn’t mind if we get “all random” once in awhile. I love you so much, sweet friend!

  17. 217
    lindsey says:


    That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, even the random, funny ones. We are all just regular people, so thankful for Jesus in our lives.

  18. 218
    Tink says:

    Three cheers for randoms!! As one of them my very own self, I have compassion and deep understanding!!

    btw I had to find a new doctor because mine moved…the new doc asked me about my diet. I confessed I love buttered popcorn more than anything and eat more of it than I wanted to confess. His reply shocked me – “I encourage my patients to eat butter from grass fed cows, it is stable to cook with in high heat plus it is high in healthy omega oils. I wanted to hug the poor guy and dance a jig right in his office!!!

    Okra??? I must try it some day!

    Hugs from Washington,

  19. 219
    Sue Hines says:

    Love love love this blog! Beth, you are so real and not afraid “to let your Texas hair down”. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and in my heart!

  20. 220
    Carolyn says:

    Laughed hysterically. Have missed your posts – the random ones, that is! Hugs to you ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. 221
    deana says:

    who ever said we had to be so serious all the time? this is real life ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. 222
    Jane L. says:

    Best blog post EVER!

  23. 223
    Courtney Beth says:

    Best Siestas, Sisters, Beth and you all;

    “The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make His Face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace” Numbers 6:24-26 King James We love you, we like you, we miss you all xoxo cb

  24. 224
    Kenin says:

    This is the good stuff. Refreshing honesty.

    #17 – It’s fine when it’s just you, but as someone who is going to be getting married in the near future…what in the world will a man think about the tan arms and white legs? I’m hoping his cluelessness will carry over to my love/hate relationship with spray tanner. Man, it’s tough being a woman.

  25. 225
    Jen says:

    Thank you for showing us your NORMALCY! ๐Ÿ˜€ I use the word “so” soooooooooo much. Look, I even make it abundant. ๐Ÿ˜› I very much enjoyed reading your randomness, makes you real and relatable. ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. 226
    Holly Stewart says:

    Honestly, I’m most excited about the interpretive dance! LOL! Thanks for the laughs, Beth! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  27. 227
    Sharon West says:

    This is the first time I’ve commented even though I have been reading your blog for years. I have done all your Bible studies and I feel like you are one of my best friends. I loved your “crazy” blog today and I love you!

  28. 228
    Elizabeth Baehr says:

    Oh Beth, cannot tell you how much you blessed me with this post…..I feel a kindred spirit. So nice to know that I am not the only one whose mind works that way!!! Love you. Bless you.

  29. 229
    Mk (go-between) says:

    Oh Beth, I loved this blog entry! It reminds me of some the early ones when you first started the blog. Those early blogs, as this one, make me love you even more, and lets me pretend that we are the bestest of friends, sharing life together! My girls and I still laugh and remember some of your shared experiences when they mimic ours! Like the awkwardness of a certain aisle!! Well, we don’t have men stopping us and telling us how much his wife loved our Bible Study ๐Ÿ˜€ but we sure know those awkward moments of that aisle!!
    Thanks for stopping and saying ‘Hi’! And thanks for the laughter! Loved the insomnia point!!
    Ps – I have never tried Okra, although my daughter, Emily, loves it from being introduced to it down in Houston.

  30. 230
    Ruth says:

    Oh, Miss Beth, thank you for this post. Shear delight. And yes, let’s talk about the co-dependent relationship with hairdressers…For me, it’s not so much hair as BROWS and how there is only one women in the known universe who gets mine right. I have been know to send desperate, late night pleas on Facebook to get squeezed in the next day; and more than once in the past decade, have been traveling, gone to someone else, only to come fleeing back to Jen.
    She has me in her spell.
    THANK YOU for coming to Providence, again and again.

    BLESS you in all the moments and details of this day!!

    • 230.1
      Ruth says:

      SHEER…(sheesh!)(although, we could just go with that little pun! even if it was truly just bad spelling!)

  31. 231
    Carmen says:

    Thank you for making me laugh! It was great fun. You may have been disappointed but I needed it ๐Ÿ™‚

    My group of 14 can’t wait to see you in Bossier City! We adore your craziness!

    Love, Carmen

  32. 232
    Becky says:

    Oh Beth, I can so identify with randomness and there’s that “so” that I use all the time, too! I’m so random lately I worry I’m not as productive at work as I used to be. My excuse is that my adult kids are going through lots of changes that I’m also involved in and they live far away so my mind is always racing from one situation to another. Humor is such a gift! When you described watching videos of your grandkids over and over, it reminded me that I have family members who are (almost) as crazy as I am and incidents to recall that make me laugh every time I think of them. One involves my brother in law reaching around the head of the bed for something and one hand grabbed the other – his wife tells how for a brief second there was total panic on his face! The other is a sister in law who left an open bottle of Vicks on the floor and when she got up in the night stepped in it, her foot rolled forward and she broke her big toe….I can’t stand it!! Anyway, (find myself saying that a lot too!) thanks for sharing about the new theme song, COTD and Sacred Secrets studies that will be coming out – looking forward to all of them!

  33. 233
    Becky says:

    I love you, Mama Beth! Thanks for being real with us. ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. 234
    lynda rickey says:

    Beth, Love, love, love it! It was perfect. Love you Mama. XO, Lynda

  35. 235
    Kay says:

    My husband has been saying I’m random for almost 28 years. I love random. Apparently he does too, no matter what he says. ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. 236
    Carolyn says:

    AWESOMENESS, Beth…thank you! PS: OCCASIONALLY I have been known to use melatonin to assist in counteracting the Starbucks buzzzzzzz…

  37. 237
    Grandmamitz says:

    I like the random, impromptu Ms. Beth. Unpolished and so real. I was waiting for a picture of your handsome man with his new shades looking cool. Insomnia? Drink less coffee or switch to Maxwell House. My husband says its like drinking colored water! Haha. Thanks for sharing your random thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚

  38. 238
    Stehanie Jo says:

    Oh how I love you, thanks Siesta Mama!!

  39. 239
    Ann says:

    Really enjoyed this “slice of your life” lighter post Miss Beth. Your honest heart and winsome silliness are so refreshing! Just curious as a future post – in the midst of your full life – what have you been reading this summer? Would love a report as to what is currently on your nightstand?

  40. 240
    Jennifer T says:

    You are SO dear to us! To me!

    I know we’ll have all sorts of eternity to praise Jesus together and to chat around what will be ah-MAZE-ing cups of high-octane perfected coffee and chat our fool heads off together, but I CAN’T WAIT!

    -My 4yr old princess constantly steals my phone and she and her big brothers have made enough classic videos that I bought more memory on dropbox just to upload and save them. Recently, because my husband was SURE the boys would love the Six-Million-Dollar man show as much as he did as a boy and, therefore, forced them to watch 3 really cheesy episodes (the boys consider it a punishment now), they took my phone down to the treadmill and made their own version of the show’s title sequence. I cannot keep composure watching the sped-up-film portion they made of my 8yr old’s legs running Better. Stronger. Faster. It is HILARIOUS.
    -My amazing ladies were here last night for week 7 of James. We laughed our heads off at your stories of sign language and hand bells. (no, you didn’t attempt those together, but what a hoot if you did!) If you choreograph Travis’ song, will you please, please add some signs to it? It would tickle me no end.
    -I use too many caps and exclamation points. My brothers still mock me for this.
    -My second oldest brother now sports chunky dark glasses, hair a little like Kramer from Seinfeld, and a beard/mustache combo. I never would have guessed it would make him look so cool. It’s a lot of hair and plastic (the glasses). He is rockin’ the look.
    -I know I’m responding to this on what my friend calls (somewhat modified here) a “stinkaversary”. It’s not, of course, when we know we’ll see our loved one again in glory. My parents are still living but they’re putting our childhood home on the market in October and moving 2 hours south to a retirement community. It was, for this military fam, always HOME. I think the souls of us 5 kids have always been tethered to that street address with at least one strand of the rope tying us to mom and dad. Anyway, I’m bracing myself. But today, praying sweet memories and abundance of His power moving in and through your family today.
    -My princess just dropped a tupperware full of colored sharpies on the dog – curled up on my feet as I type. We were all a bit startled. I would have guessed I had about 30 sharpies in this thing. The final count was 72. WOW. It’s a rainbow of permanent marker JOY. Time to give a bunch to an art teacher I know.

    I may have just written all that to myself. It’s not my blog! But it is my great joy to have sweet sisters in Christ with whom I can visit and I totally – totally- imagine that we do that all the time, Beth!

    Bless you today. I’m praying, Sister.

    • 240.1
      Kim Safina says:

      ๐Ÿ™‚ Wanda Beth Green Moore ,
      (try saying that 3 times in a row) giggle giggle
      You bring such joy to our blog!

      Thank you for being real!

      Can I, join you in your words?

      1. I am so ( wish I didn’t use it sooo much)
      emotional this week.

      2. My son, David is getting married on Saturday

      3. I have had two back to back weddings 2012 & 2013 with both sons. Thank goodness I only have 2.

      4. Dave has been making me espresso ILLY COFFEE each
      morning to get me through this week. 2 spoons of sugar added!!!! HAPPY DAYS!!!

      5. I have insomnia, too!!! :O

      6. I received the SWEETEST message from LPM yesterday.
      THANK YOU!!!

      7. Please give a hug to Kimberly,Sabrina,Lindsee,Nancy,Melissa from me!

      8. I LOVE LPM

      9. I have 26 guests attending a Rehearsal Dinner that Dave and I are hosting in a location I have never been to.

      10. My cat, HOMER is snoring below me on a cat bed.

      11. I was never a cat lover until I found Homer.

      12. I love dogs! I love Homer!

      13. Sanguine personality can make others moody.
      I wake up singing and smiling.

      14. I love Jesus!

      With “Heaven Bound” Blessings,
      Kim “calikim” ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Kim Safina says:

        15. The Wedding Was a Blessed Success.
        16. The bride arrived in a white horse drawn carriage with a white horse leading.
        17. It was breathtaking.
        18. THANK YOU for your prayers!
        19. I am totally exhausted.
        20. I will be sleeping – probably snorrrrring for the next few days.

  41. 241
    Cathy says:

    You are ‘so’ funny (sorry to use the word!). And such a great blessing!!! Thank you.

  42. 242
    Pam says:

    Thank you for this blog post, it made my day!! Witty, funny, wonderful–just like you!

  43. 243
    April Jones says:

    I found this post hilarious! Sometimes NOT being profound is profound in itself. I think I read that on a fortune cookie or something.

    Hey, was wondering how we find out where to meet for the Siesta photo? Beth is coming to my town this fall and I’d love to get in on the photo and get a chance to meet some other siestas. Thanks!

  44. 244
    Melissa says:

    Love your thoughts. Funny and so entertaining and a reminder of how many thoughts go through our own minds. Thanks, Beth, you are such a blessing! ๐Ÿ™‚

  45. 245
    Misty Ansted says:

    Starbucks coffee…insomnia, Starbucks coffee…insomnia, yeah I totally don’t see a connection there either!

    Literally LOL at that one, I hope it isn’t deplorably rude to admit when you laugh at another persons laughter at themselves!

  46. 246
    Sharon says:

    As a coffee lover, 14&15 cracked me up. I can relate. The problem with 14 is I never know which cup of coffee will lead to 15. I can drink coffee all day& evening and sleep soundly or cup number 3 causes #15. Have a blessed day.โ˜•

  47. 247
    Kim Lacey says:

    This blog is the very reason that I ADORE you, sister! Your honesty and realness just about rocks the socks off the fake and pretentious! Love you lovin’ Jesus!

  48. 248
    Lynda Harkins says:

    Oh my! Apparently God has decided that I needed to laugh, giggle and snicker this morning. Thank the Lord you have such a great sense of humor! We feel the love, Mama Beth…trust me.

  49. 249

    I so love this post! Thanks for a peak at your randomness! (I so loved getting my picture taken with you and 40some other siestas in Sioux Falls!)

    • 249.1
      Tammy says:

      I so wanted to be in that picture but I got lost and my gal pals were afraid they would miss lunch so I was promptly escorted to the car. Food over mama beth and siestas. So sorry but I smiled to lunch and seriously wanted to steal cardboard mama beth for lunch but thought better not as if I went to siesta jail my ride would have left me for.sure

  50. 250
    Bev says:

    Love to laugh and I LOVED this post! What a blessing !
    P.S. I love fried okra too! ๐Ÿ™‚

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