The (Closet) 5+ Year Club

CAUTION!!!!! This post is about clothes! If you are offended or put off by this kind of thing, please run for your life until the next post! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! See you later in the week!

Dear Those-of-You-Who-Are-Left,

When you are a bleached blond not only by bottle but somewhat by nature, it is not always easy to explain how your brain comes up with certain concepts but, alas, I am going to try to tell you how this post was conceived. You may need to pour another cup of coffee because it’s rather involved and, not only that, it could not possibly be less important.

Maybe I should say that last part again: It could not POSSIBLY be less important. Proceed from here at your own colossal waste of time.

While many of you have frozen half to death in other parts of the country and world, we have enjoyed a series of near perfect days in a city that, in the summertime, could well be selected as the sweaty armpit of Planet Humanity. Except for a rainy respite here and there, Houston has basked in blue skies and cool breezes with trees budding and birds heralding the in-breaking Spring for such a run of days now that we might well fear that the end is near.

Last Thursday was so utterly gorgeous that, the second I got home from work, I pitched my purse and keys on the counter and headed to the spot where I keep my rubber boots. I couldn’t help but get tickled because all it takes for my two brilliant little canines to rev up for a romp in the woods is for me to start changing shoes. Running amok in these country acres makes them so exuberantly happy that I could honestly swallow gnats from over-smiling as I trudge the path behind them. And I trudge quickly, like my boots are on fire, or they’ll leap and bound themselves to the next county. (Side note: You don’t dare run in these woods if you’re a human or you will break your foot on a big, fat root. And you will miss the poetry in those last 8 words if you do not hear the word “root” as my grandmother would say it: root as would rhyme with foot. Now, try it again: break your foot on a big, fat root. Got it?) So, while I was bringing up the rear (hopefully literally), I was overcome by their imposing enthusiasm and overall cuteness and decided to take a picture of them and tweet about how smart they were. This is the picture.

That is Geli (pronounced “jelly” and short for Angelina) in the front and my own Queen Esther, or Star for short, hanging back a tad closer to her mother. Geli appears headless in every single picture I take of her from behind because she is a bird dog and runs snoot down. I mentioned in the tweet how they know their run is coming just by a changing of the boots. (Kind of like a changing of the guard.) Then, after I got a few fun responses, I thought to my blond self, “If I were on the other side of that tweet, visual soul that I am, I’d be trying to picture the pairs of shoes involved in the person’s exchange.” SO, I did what any red-blooded superficial woman would do. I tweeted a picture of the boots. (Are you on pins and needles by now? Isn’t this post riveting?)

 

I told the good folks on Twitter that, after I pitched my keys, I exchanged the boots on the right for the boots on the left but, based on the replies, I do believe most of them flipped the order around in their own mind’s eye. I think they assumed I’d had on the rubber boots and changed to the cowboy boots for the walk in country. Au contraire mon ami. Those are gen-u-ine (long “i” on last syllable) Lucchese’s and you don’t wear them in the mud and sticks. Or at least I don’t. I have other cowboy boots I would subject to the ugly elements but not those. Those are the boots I’d worn to work. All said, I switched to the rubber boots for the walk. I can only imagine how intellectually stimulated you must be by now. It’s just that, if we’re going to be visual learners, let’s try to get our visions as accurate as possible. Now I’ll go on if you’re caught up.

So, I’d mentioned in the tweet that those Lucchese’s were a gift to me from the great Texas town of El Paso. Lo and behold, only a few minutes later, what to my wondering eyes should appear but a tweet capturing the momentous reception of those very boots?? The snapshot below was backstage with the most wonderful and gracious handful of women you could imagine at our Living Proof Live Saturday morning before our session began. We seldom do this kind of thing and I also don’t make a practice of receiving lavish gifts but this was arranged in advance and was, quite simply, a matter of heritage. It takes a Texan to know one. That’s all I know to say. Don’t bother entertaining the thought that I did not put the boots on instantly and wear them for the rest of the day to teach. Of course I did. And home on the plane.

SO (there will be lots of “so’s” in this post because I’m taking you with me on a dizzying journey of the blond psyche and I’m trying to sew/so the pieces together for you) THEN I noticed that I had on the exact same jacket in the picture in El Paso that I’d worn to work THAT VERY DAY. (Did any of you catch your breath??) Some of you regulars even with abbreviated memories may remember because there is a picture in the previous blog of me wearing it. This is not the exact same picture I used in that post but it’s among the handful KMac and I took for it and it gives you a better view of the jacket. I wish it was full length because the same boots would really provide the finishing touch. (And, if there is anything some of you are wanting by now, it’s the finishing touch.)

Now, let’s admit it. There’s absolutely nothing impressive about me having on the same jacket in 2013 that I wore in the picture from Living Proof Live El Paso in 2009. But surely you will quit that slouching in your desk-chair post haste when I tell you that I bought it at a Lord & Taylor department store in Houston, Texas that has been closed for a solid decade and have worn it for 13 years with a devotion that can only come from true smittenness. I have loved it every time I’ve worn it.

Whose boots are stepping in this hay with me now, Sisters? Are you beginning to see the light? Because this post is about those rare and elusive pieces of clothing that we can actually call a good buy. And the best way to tell a good buy is that you…

never can say good-bye. No, no, no, no.

SO (everybody say that word with me now), I marched into my closet when I got home from that walk in the country and commenced to grabbing hangers. The result of that mad hanger-grabbing was 7 of my personal favorites from what I will henceforth call my 5+ Year Club. Each of these jackets have not only been in my closet for five or more years. They are still on the active list, getting plenty of current wear. Drum roll please:

I love this one. It’s got a darling little strip of that beading on the lower back, too. It’s a good choice for a big room. Tailored but not stuffy. Just in case you care to know a fairly reliable dressing guide for female communicators, the smaller the room, the better off you are if your clothing is understated. The larger the room, the larger you might tend to go on the look so that you don’t disappear in it. (Of course, the rub is that “larger” is a highly subjective matter. For instance, small rooms never kept me from large hair.) Addendum: I just heard from one of you on Twitter who said I wore this jacket at LPL Portland in 2003. Boom.

As you can see, the following is the utmost in understated. Clearing throat. So sue me. I’ve totally loved it. I wear it numerous times a year but without fail on Valentine’s. It is even brighter red than it looks in this picture if you can imagine that and I most like to wear it with black slim-legged slacks or jeans.

Melissa gave me the next jacket for Christmas a number of years ago. She and I tried to think exactly how long it’s been but couldn’t quite put a date on it. It makes the 5+ Year Club for certain though. It would have been a little pricier because it came from a rack at Anthropologie.Β  It was a splurge for love of her mother and one not put to waste. I’ve worn it a million times. Because it’s bell shaped, I go with a slimmer leg on this one, too. My usual rule is: blousy top, slimmer bottom. Slimmer top, blousier bottom.

I wish I could remember exactly where I got this next one because it was my favorite kind of buy: super cheap and great fun. (Interjection: Melissa proofread the post and said, “Mom, you got it at Forever 21.” Embarrassingly, I think I did.) It is well beyond the 5 year mark and still not nearing the retirement list. I wore it to teach one Tuesday night during this recent round of women’s Bible study and somehow must have gone so utterly wild that I flung a button. (See fourth spot below) I did, however, find the button up on the third level of the church auditorium where it had put somebody’s eye out (all of that part was a lie). I will soon break out the needle and thread, as much as I hate to, and give it a mending. Or at least before next Fall.

Come on, Western Girls, and give this one a hand! BEST WESTERN COAT I HAVE EVER OWNED. Hands down. I’m going to estimate it at about 8 years old. Its story, however, has taken a recent turn that will color it, I fear, a whole new shade. A few weeks ago a young barista at a Starbucks told me how much she liked it and I was so powerfully jolted by the spirit of giving that I scared the living fire out of her. Wild-eyed and grinning madly, I ripped it off my shoulders and said, “Take off that green apron right this minute! Try this on! I want to give it to you!” To which she responded with horror and said (I wish you could hear the tone of this as I write it) “I don’t WANT your jacket!” And off she went with her lighter and pack of cigarettes like she was running from Freddy Krueger. I think she may have been staring at me from safe cover as I walked with my head down to my car, slinking like one who’d been shamed. For some reason I’m tickled. Let’s move on.

We are now nearing the end of Beth’s personal favorites in her 5+ Year Club. This next selection gets honorable mention because it is without a doubt the one I’ve worn the most. It is multipurpose and can be dressed up or dressed down. I’ve spoken or taught in it more times than I could count, worn it to dinner with Keith (when we used to actually go to restaurants because we lived in an actual city), worn it to church, and to numerous funerals and it is still a long way from worn out and nowhere near retirement. If I were quizzing you, I’d ask this: Based on my rule of pairing earlier stated, would I wear slimmer pant-legs or blousier pant-legs with this?

Blousies win.

I saved this one for last because it is the jacket of my life. Yep. My all-time favorite. I could almost pause for a moment of silence. Melissa got it for me for Mother’s Day while she was in college and that was a minimum of eight years ago so it’s at least that old. Amanda and I do a lot of gift-giving as well, needless to say. It’s just that Melissa has been more prone to jacket-buying somehow. It’s the neatest fabric ever and such a pretty blend colors. It’s truly my favorite thing in the closet. I don’t wear it as much as I used to but I just can’t seem to say good bye. I want to retire it like a basketball jersey and have it hung in one of my daughter’s homes after I’ve passed. Addendum: Amanda has now added that a theme has emerged here today: my best jackets have clearly come from Melissa. For this reason, I am leaving instructions in my will for this jacket to be hung in Amanda’s home for time immemorial.

This final selection is meant to serve as a warning not to buy things when you are hormonal. It is the most hideous thing in my closet. It looks and feels like something a deep sea diver would wear and you sweat in it like you’re wearing a tall kitchen trash bag. It’s so orange, cars yield to it and pumpkins bow. I am ashamed to show it to you but, to be fair, I feel that I must. We make it a practice to air some of our dirty laundry here on this blog. I still own it, not because it was a good buy, but because it wasn’t and because I am trying to punish myself by making myself wear it. I put it on from time to time and think something to the tune of, “This is what you get.” I have to challenge myself when I wear it not to try to explain it to people I’m with. I have this feeling that most would not fully grasp that I am trying to punish myself. I need to give it away but really. Who wants it?

SO, that’s it. Let me just go ahead and say that I am sorry for this post. I have a feeling that some of you read all the way to this point because you, too, are in a self-punishing mood. I’d like to thank you.

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422 Responses to “The (Closet) 5+ Year Club”

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Comments:

  1. 301
    Naomi says:

    Oh, Beth–thanks for this post! What a delightful read on a gloomy day in Maine! And I just love how real you always are!

    If you lived here, you’d wear that orange jacket during hunting season and the hunters would never mistake you for anything in nature! πŸ™‚

    • 301.1
      Stacey says:

      Naomi – you’re on to something…a really good use for the orange jacket and it would be a bit more dressy than the “normal” hunting jackets! LOL!!!!

  2. 302
    Kathy says:

    You have no idea who I am or how you affect me; but I just gotta tell ya – I LOVE YOU! You are such an amazing, warm hearted, inspiring, funny gal! And, I would die for your closet!!

  3. 303
    Brenda Bowman, Houston says:

    Well, Ms Beth, from attending your Bible studies and Sunday School class I did recognize most of these jackets and I have always admired your sense of style! Isn’t it funny how even clothes can be mile markers in our lives…helping us remember fun, important, frivolous, somber events or even people.

    Now…everybody makes mistakes so quit punishing yourself and say goodbye to the orange one…it’s okay, really.

  4. 304
    Miranda says:

    This is too great!!! LOL!!!

  5. 305
    Martha Helen says:

    this is the kind of post i really love and will not SOON forget.. i didn’t scroll down to see that last orange one until i finished reading its memorial and then saw it and laughed so hard i cried. yep.. it was a little worse than I was imagining. πŸ™‚ can’t believe you keep it to punish yourself?? too much. hilarious.. thank you for this!

  6. 306
    Donna says:

    Oh Beth, It looks like a lot of ladies stuck around to read your blog. πŸ™‚
    I sure wish I could get back to the size I was before I moved in with my parents. The plan was to help My Mom recover from her illness but I ended up staying a lot longer and now both need extra help and they don’t want me to leave. But Mom is a good cook and as a result I’m two sizes bigger and had to give away a lot of my favorite clothes. Your blog today made me feel regretful and hopeful at the same time… not that you are over-weight; I don’t mean that, just that when I was thinner clothes were a joy and a blessing. Now it’s all about “covering up”. πŸ™‚

  7. 307
    Amy says:

    Beth, I love these kind of posts. It is the unplanned, nonesense, random times that some of our funniest, sweetest, and most relaxing words come out. It doesn’t matter the subject – just the fact we can let our thoughts out to the world and simply say, “Here you go!” Thanks for my random moment of the day – I loved it!

  8. 308
    ULCARDSFAN says:

    I know some Siestas who are TENNESSEE fans and they would LOVE your ORANGE jacket. As for me I’ll take the UL RED one πŸ™‚ GO CARDS ! LOVED this post Beth.

  9. 309
    Kathy says:

    I just love this post…I was taking a break from work and thought I would check out the blog. I started reading and couldn’t stop. I got a lesson in fashion and a laugh that I have needed all day…thank you!

  10. 310

    Miss Beth:

    I read this post after many tedious hours at my computer job-hunting and it warmed my tired little Jamaican heart and made me smile.

    Can I just come work for you?! I think you might just be the best boss ever and obviously, work would NEVER be dull or uneventful. πŸ™‚ Do you need a west coast representative for LPM? πŸ™‚

    By the way, I love the red one…that might be a Jamaican thing though. Us and our attachment to bright, vivid colors :).

    Thanks for the pick me up. Back to my job, looking for work. God bless and you keep on keeping it real!

  11. 311
    Michelle says:

    Beth, you are just so precious!
    This random blog about your wardrobe lifted me from a very dull snow day…internet is slow now, but was able to enjoy your writings today. Love your Luchese boots, btw!

  12. 312
    Janet says:

    Dear Beth,
    You make me SMILE and LAUGH and that’s a good thing! Thank you! And I recognized every jacket except for the orange one.
    Thank you for your ongoing ministry to women. You teach me to love the Lord and His Word more and more. I’m doing your study on John now….LOVE it!
    Sincerely,
    Janet in Omaha
    P.S. Please come back to Omaha someday soon!

  13. 313
    Stacey says:

    This sooooo cracks me up! I have LOTS of jackets that have been in my closet for 5+ years that I still LOVE to wear! And, I might add, it has to be the right occassion to wear each. I just yesterday wore a suede jacket to rodeo that i KNOW is at least 15 years old.

    Love the black one with the bling, you wore it to teach the other night at Tuesday night bible study…we jacket lovers don’t ever miss admiring a good lookin jacket.

    P.S. – I would NEVER wear my Lucchese’s for a tromp in the woods – NEVER! πŸ™‚

  14. 314
    Jenny Howard says:

    What a fun post. You just don’t seem to grasp how some of us love you, and consider you a friend, and that these personal, not preachy posts are the way we get to know the real you. We love that. Thanks for opening your closet!

  15. 315
    Tasha says:

    So glad to see that you have a 5+ year club. I have a lot of those myself. Love your jackets that you shared. Every once in a while it is nice to get to know the casual side of someone you you’ve gotten to know through Bible study.

    One day I want you to share how you keep your golden tan skin.

    I love that you keep it real.

  16. 316
    Elise says:

    I am on the floor laughing… not because your blog was superfluous… but because I can identify on so many levels. I too have those jackets that are archived and also the boots that never see the dirt. However, I do have boots that see rain and mud and a pair of Ariats that see mud and horse muck… You my dear Beth, are ageless… especially for those of us who are aging right along side of you. It is nice to know I am not the only one who elevates jackets to sainthood. You are a treasure Beth Moore.

  17. 317
    Monica, NY. says:

    I want your wardrobe. & Thx. for sharing the orange jacket. Made my day. Very stylish, Ms. Beth..very stylish. Xo

  18. 318
    Jennifer Myatt says:

    Beth,
    I just have to say that a Tennessee fan would probably love your orange ‘punishment’ jacket. Although, I do like all of your selections, I’m thinking you need and University of Kentucky blue jacket somewhere in that rotation. (Grinning.)
    Thanks for sharing your gifts of writing and teaching with us!!

  19. 319
    Katie says:

    Is laughter not the best medicine?! Thank you for making me laugh so hard that I feel I can skip the Ab workout today!

  20. 320
    Penny says:

    Beth, so needed a good laugh and will share this with my best best friend who i call my sister!! Yes i have seen some of those jackets and that orange one would go well if i was a hunter’s wife.

  21. 321
    Lori says:

    What a great post! I attended the conference in El Paso where you were given the Lucchese boots and can attest to the fact that you sat right down on the edge of stage, changed into them, stood up and kept on teaching! Thanks for bringing back the fun memories. God bless!

  22. 322
    Lauralee Courtney says:

    ❀❀❀LOVE❀❀❀

  23. 323
    Nicole says:

    I’m just the kind of person who would read this entire post, and I’m so glad I did. Laughed so hard I cried! Thanks, I needed that.

  24. 324
    Debbie says:

    I love everything about this post!

  25. 325
    FloridaLizzie says:

    Beth, you are so funny! Your clothes are always so darling and fun, but I always appreciate the fact that they are also modest and feminine. I loved looking at your hangers as well. Yes, I know that’s weird, but it shows that you are just a mere mortal like the rest of us to have hangers of various sorts that hold up all those cute jackets. I am going to try to utilize the fashion tip of the slimmer pants with blousier tops and the blousier pants with slimmer tops. Except that my bottom is a lot wider than yours no matter what I put on it!

  26. 326
    Marian Ashland, KY says:

    Call me shallow, but I enjoyed this post! LOL Beth, I saw you several years ago on a simulcast, (I think it was New York or New Jersey) and you had on a jacket that I still have. I think the brand was Boho Chic or something like that. Love fashion, and always enjoy your pretty wardrobe!

  27. 327
    Denise says:

    Thank you so much for the laugh this morning. I read this while I dried my hair this morning and I was laughing out loud. I kept waiting for a “spiritual” connection, but there wasn’t one which just made me smile to realize we are all just women sharing this world together. By the way, I have those exact same rain boots with a matching umbrella. πŸ™‚

  28. 328
    Fenton says:

    I just love the western jacket! All that stitching on brown! Beautiful!!

  29. 329
    Helen says:

    The orange scuba part of the post made me laugh out loud! I’ve punished myself by wearing ugly regretful expensive purchases too! I have always loved you Beth for your heart for God but this post made me really identify with you ,my fellow fashionista!

  30. 330
    Connie says:

    I understand the Texas mentality but I happen to live in Idaho where you wear those boots in the cow doo doo no matter how beautiful they are. I also happen to be a personality that WOULD indeed wear a jacket as punishment except, being that I’m with child and going to be expanding and expanding….and expanding, I think it is toooo much punishment to be wearing orange neoprene. I read this entire post with my family staring at me because of the bursts of laughter that were coming out of silence. Thank you for the gift of this post Beth. Love ya!

  31. 331
    pam says:

    LOL, I read to the end because I thought there would be something waiting for me. NOPE….you just did a lovely ramble about your love of coats. I’m with you, although I have NOTHING near the level of cute that you have. Sadly there does come a day when that beloved piece of clothing but end it’s days in my closet. I want to have a funeral.

  32. 332
    Julie Smith says:

    Maybe you could give the orange jacket to a UT fan. (University of Tennessee).

  33. 333
    Karene says:

    Beth, I laughed so hard, especially at the last picture. It’s time to stop punishing yourself, and others, by wearing that. And I would never say that if you hadn’t said it first. It reminds me of the school crossing-guard or freeway construction workers’ vests. I really think it’s okay to let it go πŸ˜‰ (I love all your others AND your boots!)

  34. 334
    Sheila says:

    That was great. What else can I say. Thanks. By the way, I’m in the middle of my first Beth Moore study. Thank you. I truly thank God for giving this to me. I don’t want it to end. I will try to be in one continually I think.
    God bless.

  35. 335
    Pam says:

    Do what Pioneer Woman does and give the orange jacket away on your website!

  36. 336
    Sheri Bittle says:

    My mom and I have gone shopping to look for and I quote, “a Beth Moore jacket!!” We refer to the few she has as the “brown Beth Moore jacket” or the “black Beth Moore jacket,” or “you know the Beth Moore jacket with flowers embroidered on it!!” I have loved reading and laughing during this post!!!

  37. 337
    Danielle says:

    Beth-
    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. Love it! I will be seeing you in 2 weeks at LPLive in Phoenix. I’m counting down the days! I think it’s time you let the orange jacket go. We all make mistakes and its OK. If you wear it to Phoenix, I’m not sure I could contain myself.you would certainly be able to tell who follows your blog.

  38. 338
    Diane says:

    That was hysterical!

  39. 339
    Lisa says:

    Keith could totally wear the orange one on his head during hunting season for safety..since we know how petite that jacket is and Keith is no petite Texas man! LOL! Thanks for the fun post..it is so you!

  40. 340
    Dana says:

    Beth, I think this has been wonderfully fun! I love your fashion style! I think if you truly do want to get rid of your orange jacket that a University of Tennessee at Knoxville fan would love it! I am a UK girl myself but happen to live in Tennessee and see lots of orange around these parts!

    Have a wonderful day, y’all!

  41. 341
    Tari says:

    I especially loved the story about you trying to give the jacket to a girl at Starbucks. It reminds me of once I was going to pay for gasoline for a stranger and she said, “I don’t WANT you to pay for my gas!!!” I told her, “No, it’s OK, really….” She looked at me suspiciously and practically ran inside the dairymart to pay. I waited for her to leave before I went inside to pay myself. I have laughed about this for years at my failed attempt to “pay it forward”.

  42. 342

    LOL!!! I kept waiting and waiting as I howled for the deep spiritual message!! Thanks for the laugh. certainly brightened my day. xx

  43. 343
    Megan says:

    I am sitting at my desk in my very quiet office LAUGHING out loud, trying not to snort. Thank you for that, Beth. It made my morning. πŸ™‚

  44. 344
    Sheri Bennett says:

    You can save it and wear it to a SF Giants game the next time you are in the SF Bay Area!

  45. 345
    Dena K says:

    Hi Beth–In light of this super-fun, superficial post, I just have to share with you that I had “So Long Insecurity” on the kitchen table recently, and my little 2-year-old darling boy sat down for lunch, pointed to your picture on the cover, and said “Princess!” Hope that blesses your heart!

  46. 346
    Candice says:

    Thanks so much for sharing. I miss hearing more about your daily life πŸ™‚

  47. 347
    Dana says:

    Dear Beth….I rejoice in this post….it somehow makes me have a warm fuzzy inside that you, too, deal with closet issues! And thanks for the tidbit on large room – large look, small room – small look….

    Blessings!
    Dana

    P.S. – Maybe a sacrificing of the hideous orange jacket would be the answer to your dilemma!

  48. 348
    glenwood says:

    I enjoyed your post. I love jackets. I have jackets that are black, white, black and white and many colors in between. I have an orange jacket even brighter than yours. Due to its weight, I usually just wear it in the fall and winter. If you want to pass yours along – here I am.

  49. 349
    Karla K says:

    Loved the western jacket! πŸ™‚

  50. 350
    Phyllis Swiney says:

    Dear Beth, have been sitting with my mom in the hospital all day and just read your jacket post. What a delightful break! I do love Jesus bunches! However, my sister and I thoroughly enjoy and love shopping for jackets:) Thanks for being you and sharing life, sorrows, and fun jackets with us!

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