The (Closet) 5+ Year Club

CAUTION!!!!! This post is about clothes! If you are offended or put off by this kind of thing, please run for your life until the next post! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! See you later in the week!

Dear Those-of-You-Who-Are-Left,

When you are a bleached blond not only by bottle but somewhat by nature, it is not always easy to explain how your brain comes up with certain concepts but, alas, I am going to try to tell you how this post was conceived. You may need to pour another cup of coffee because it’s rather involved and, not only that, it could not possibly be less important.

Maybe I should say that last part again: It could not POSSIBLY be less important. Proceed from here at your own colossal waste of time.

While many of you have frozen half to death in other parts of the country and world, we have enjoyed a series of near perfect days in a city that, in the summertime, could well be selected as the sweaty armpit of Planet Humanity. Except for a rainy respite here and there, Houston has basked in blue skies and cool breezes with trees budding and birds heralding the in-breaking Spring for such a run of days now that we might well fear that the end is near.

Last Thursday was so utterly gorgeous that, the second I got home from work, I pitched my purse and keys on the counter and headed to the spot where I keep my rubber boots. I couldn’t help but get tickled because all it takes for my two brilliant little canines to rev up for a romp in the woods is for me to start changing shoes. Running amok in these country acres makes them so exuberantly happy that I could honestly swallow gnats from over-smiling as I trudge the path behind them. And I trudge quickly, like my boots are on fire, or they’ll leap and bound themselves to the next county. (Side note: You don’t dare run in these woods if you’re a human or you will break your foot on a big, fat root. And you will miss the poetry in those last 8 words if you do not hear the word “root” as my grandmother would say it: root as would rhyme with foot. Now, try it again: break your foot on a big, fat root. Got it?) So, while I was bringing up the rear (hopefully literally), I was overcome by their imposing enthusiasm and overall cuteness and decided to take a picture of them and tweet about how smart they were. This is the picture.

That is Geli (pronounced “jelly” and short for Angelina) in the front and my own Queen Esther, or Star for short, hanging back a tad closer to her mother. Geli appears headless in every single picture I take of her from behind because she is a bird dog and runs snoot down. I mentioned in the tweet how they know their run is coming just by a changing of the boots. (Kind of like a changing of the guard.) Then, after I got a few fun responses, I thought to my blond self, “If I were on the other side of that tweet, visual soul that I am, I’d be trying to picture the pairs of shoes involved in the person’s exchange.” SO, I did what any red-blooded superficial woman would do. I tweeted a picture of the boots. (Are you on pins and needles by now? Isn’t this post riveting?)

 

I told the good folks on Twitter that, after I pitched my keys, I exchanged the boots on the right for the boots on the left but, based on the replies, I do believe most of them flipped the order around in their own mind’s eye. I think they assumed I’d had on the rubber boots and changed to the cowboy boots for the walk in country. Au contraire mon ami. Those are gen-u-ine (long “i” on last syllable) Lucchese’s and you don’t wear them in the mud and sticks. Or at least I don’t. I have other cowboy boots I would subject to the ugly elements but not those. Those are the boots I’d worn to work. All said, I switched to the rubber boots for the walk. I can only imagine how intellectually stimulated you must be by now. It’s just that, if we’re going to be visual learners, let’s try to get our visions as accurate as possible. Now I’ll go on if you’re caught up.

So, I’d mentioned in the tweet that those Lucchese’s were a gift to me from the great Texas town of El Paso. Lo and behold, only a few minutes later, what to my wondering eyes should appear but a tweet capturing the momentous reception of those very boots?? The snapshot below was backstage with the most wonderful and gracious handful of women you could imagine at our Living Proof Live Saturday morning before our session began. We seldom do this kind of thing and I also don’t make a practice of receiving lavish gifts but this was arranged in advance and was, quite simply, a matter of heritage. It takes a Texan to know one. That’s all I know to say. Don’t bother entertaining the thought that I did not put the boots on instantly and wear them for the rest of the day to teach. Of course I did. And home on the plane.

SO (there will be lots of “so’s” in this post because I’m taking you with me on a dizzying journey of the blond psyche and I’m trying to sew/so the pieces together for you) THEN I noticed that I had on the exact same jacket in the picture in El Paso that I’d worn to work THAT VERY DAY. (Did any of you catch your breath??) Some of you regulars even with abbreviated memories may remember because there is a picture in the previous blog of me wearing it. This is not the exact same picture I used in that post but it’s among the handful KMac and I took for it and it gives you a better view of the jacket. I wish it was full length because the same boots would really provide the finishing touch. (And, if there is anything some of you are wanting by now, it’s the finishing touch.)

Now, let’s admit it. There’s absolutely nothing impressive about me having on the same jacket in 2013 that I wore in the picture from Living Proof Live El Paso in 2009. But surely you will quit that slouching in your desk-chair post haste when I tell you that I bought it at a Lord & Taylor department store in Houston, Texas that has been closed for a solid decade and have worn it for 13 years with a devotion that can only come from true smittenness. I have loved it every time I’ve worn it.

Whose boots are stepping in this hay with me now, Sisters? Are you beginning to see the light? Because this post is about those rare and elusive pieces of clothing that we can actually call a good buy. And the best way to tell a good buy is that you…

never can say good-bye. No, no, no, no.

SO (everybody say that word with me now), I marched into my closet when I got home from that walk in the country and commenced to grabbing hangers. The result of that mad hanger-grabbing was 7 of my personal favorites from what I will henceforth call my 5+ Year Club. Each of these jackets have not only been in my closet for five or more years. They are still on the active list, getting plenty of current wear. Drum roll please:

I love this one. It’s got a darling little strip of that beading on the lower back, too. It’s a good choice for a big room. Tailored but not stuffy. Just in case you care to know a fairly reliable dressing guide for female communicators, the smaller the room, the better off you are if your clothing is understated. The larger the room, the larger you might tend to go on the look so that you don’t disappear in it. (Of course, the rub is that “larger” is a highly subjective matter. For instance, small rooms never kept me from large hair.) Addendum: I just heard from one of you on Twitter who said I wore this jacket at LPL Portland in 2003. Boom.

As you can see, the following is the utmost in understated. Clearing throat. So sue me. I’ve totally loved it. I wear it numerous times a year but without fail on Valentine’s. It is even brighter red than it looks in this picture if you can imagine that and I most like to wear it with black slim-legged slacks or jeans.

Melissa gave me the next jacket for Christmas a number of years ago. She and I tried to think exactly how long it’s been but couldn’t quite put a date on it. It makes the 5+ Year Club for certain though. It would have been a little pricier because it came from a rack at Anthropologie.ย  It was a splurge for love of her mother and one not put to waste. I’ve worn it a million times. Because it’s bell shaped, I go with a slimmer leg on this one, too. My usual rule is: blousy top, slimmer bottom. Slimmer top, blousier bottom.

I wish I could remember exactly where I got this next one because it was my favorite kind of buy: super cheap and great fun. (Interjection: Melissa proofread the post and said, “Mom, you got it at Forever 21.” Embarrassingly, I think I did.) It is well beyond the 5 year mark and still not nearing the retirement list. I wore it to teach one Tuesday night during this recent round of women’s Bible study and somehow must have gone so utterly wild that I flung a button. (See fourth spot below) I did, however, find the button up on the third level of the church auditorium where it had put somebody’s eye out (all of that part was a lie). I will soon break out the needle and thread, as much as I hate to, and give it a mending. Or at least before next Fall.

Come on, Western Girls, and give this one a hand! BEST WESTERN COAT I HAVE EVER OWNED. Hands down. I’m going to estimate it at about 8 years old. Its story, however, has taken a recent turn that will color it, I fear, a whole new shade. A few weeks ago a young barista at a Starbucks told me how much she liked it and I was so powerfully jolted by the spirit of giving that I scared the living fire out of her. Wild-eyed and grinning madly, I ripped it off my shoulders and said, “Take off that green apron right this minute! Try this on! I want to give it to you!” To which she responded with horror and said (I wish you could hear the tone of this as I write it) “I don’t WANT your jacket!” And off she went with her lighter and pack of cigarettes like she was running from Freddy Krueger. I think she may have been staring at me from safe cover as I walked with my head down to my car, slinking like one who’d been shamed. For some reason I’m tickled. Let’s move on.

We are now nearing the end of Beth’s personal favorites in her 5+ Year Club. This next selection gets honorable mention because it is without a doubt the one I’ve worn the most. It is multipurpose and can be dressed up or dressed down. I’ve spoken or taught in it more times than I could count, worn it to dinner with Keith (when we used to actually go to restaurants because we lived in an actual city), worn it to church, and to numerous funerals and it is still a long way from worn out and nowhere near retirement. If I were quizzing you, I’d ask this: Based on my rule of pairing earlier stated, would I wear slimmer pant-legs or blousier pant-legs with this?

Blousies win.

I saved this one for last because it is the jacket of my life. Yep. My all-time favorite. I could almost pause for a moment of silence. Melissa got it for me for Mother’s Day while she was in college and that was a minimum of eight years ago so it’s at least that old. Amanda and I do a lot of gift-giving as well, needless to say. It’s just that Melissa has been more prone to jacket-buying somehow. It’s the neatest fabric ever and such a pretty blend colors. It’s truly my favorite thing in the closet. I don’t wear it as much as I used to but I just can’t seem to say good bye. I want to retire it like a basketball jersey and have it hung in one of my daughter’s homes after I’ve passed. Addendum: Amanda has now added that a theme has emerged here today: my best jackets have clearly come from Melissa. For this reason, I am leaving instructions in my will for this jacket to be hung in Amanda’s home for time immemorial.

This final selection is meant to serve as a warning not to buy things when you are hormonal. It is the most hideous thing in my closet. It looks and feels like something a deep sea diver would wear and you sweat in it like you’re wearing a tall kitchen trash bag. It’s so orange, cars yield to it and pumpkins bow. I am ashamed to show it to you but, to be fair, I feel that I must. We make it a practice to air some of our dirty laundry here on this blog. I still own it, not because it was a good buy, but because it wasn’t and because I am trying to punish myself by making myself wear it. I put it on from time to time and think something to the tune of, “This is what you get.” I have to challenge myself when I wear it not to try to explain it to people I’m with. I have this feeling that most would not fully grasp that I am trying to punish myself. I need to give it away but really. Who wants it?

SO, that’s it. Let me just go ahead and say that I am sorry for this post. I have a feeling that some of you read all the way to this point because you, too, are in a self-punishing mood. I’d like to thank you.

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422 Responses to “The (Closet) 5+ Year Club”

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Comments:

  1. 101
    Gale says:

    you are the funniest woman! I love your imagination, style and story telling. Lol. You are the little blodne living in all of us. You give us voice! Love you Beth Moore!

  2. 102
    Dawn says:

    Melissa has good taste in clothing!! Fun post!

  3. 103
    Joanie Eaton says:

    You made me smile!!! Being a Texas girl myself, I totally “get” it.

  4. 104
    brandie says:

    thank you very much for this post! seriously. first of all, it made me laugh – out loud, for real – sitting here alone, and i really needed that. second, we are all so normal…even when we feel like we’re not, and we all need reminding of that that. so thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. 105
    Dana Nichols says:

    Thanks for the giggles! I love you so much, you have no idea. I thank God for you!

  6. 106
    Hannah says:

    A little frivolity is a welcome gift in such a serious world. How fun to see some of you favorite things! I have a few things in my closet like that orange jacket that I make myself keep just because I CANNOT BELIEVE I PAID FOR THIS! Thanks for the fun post!

    Hannah

  7. 107
    Lisa says:

    Beth, we are doing the Believing God Bible study at my church and last night was Session 9. You had on the beige jacket – the one you were wearing when given the beautiful boots. I had to laugh when I saw the picture. Believe me the most important lesson I received out of last night’s session was not the jacket you were wearing, but the fact that I need to ask God for something BIG and then Praise Him when he answers. In fact I challenged all our women to ask Him for something “GOD SIZED” this week!!! Love you and your Ministry, but most of all have grown to love JESUS more and more!!!!
    Can’t wait to see you in Greensboro in a few weeks!!

  8. 108

    Now, this, Beth Moore, is what makes you so dear to us. Yes, Yes, we love you as our mentor/spiritual momma/Bible stud guru, but more than all that we love you sweet Beth because you are 100% dry as the dirt in a Texas drought real with us. You not only impart your spiritual riches to us, you impart the wealth of just the joy of being who you are with us. And that as they would say in the Mastercard commercials is priceless. Love you to pieces, and if my memory serves I remember the Red Jacket from your LPL in Bossier City, LA in 2007… I attended alone. My husband drove me East and we stayed in a horrid motel/hotel under renovation but I came and was ever more blessed for doing so. I love you, friend. So very much. Thank you for sharing who you are with us.

    Blessings, M

  9. 109
    barb says:

    Sometimes we just need to blog silliness to start a week. A good laugh is good for a woman. Thank you taking time to give me something to laugh about. Love it.

  10. 110
    Mary Witt says:

    Beth,

    I so appreciate the fact that you love cute clothes AND stay away from low-cut tops. I heard you mention that in a video awhile back. Thank you for that.

    Mary

  11. 111
    Sandra says:

    Love your post! Thank you for the laugh and keeping it real! Never doubt what you are lead to post about!

  12. 112
    Jane Smolen says:

    So who else in this crazy siestahood tends to remember life events based on the clothes she was wearing?!? GUILTY!
    Now, you should heed that Spirit call and get the Barista her own jacket! (Maybe that wouldn’t freak her out so much….)

  13. 113
    Jody Noland says:

    I needed a good laugh to start the week. Thanks for providing it!

  14. 114
    Melanie says:

    Hi Beth. I just have to say that I loved this post with all of your jackets. I too have several from years ago that I just hate to part with! ๐Ÿ™‚ I just love clothes and must admit, I love to see what you will be wearing either at a an LPL conference or on your DVDs! Could I have used the word “love” in this any more) (ha)

    Blessings,
    Melanie

  15. 115
    Sarah says:

    I love you, Siesta Mama! We all have to have fun now and then! Thanks for letting me have a good laugh this Monday! ๐Ÿ™‚ I think we should PLAN to have light-hearted, absolutely-good-for-nothing-but-laughter posts now and again. It lightens the soul. Lets us take a 2 minute vacation from reality. And it’s grand. Laughter is great medicine, no matter what is ailing us. Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. 116
    Melanie says:

    Beth…this is a P.S. from earlier….being from Wyoming originally, I just loved (there’s that word again) the boots! I have a closet of Ariats (my favorites)

    Blessings,
    Melanie

  17. 117
    Karen says:

    Yes I did and loved every minute of it. Particularly the orange jacket story. You are so hilarious. Thank you for sharing all aspects of your life. You are such a blessing to me.

  18. 118
    Laura says:

    OOO! Ooo! SHOES! Do SHOES next!!!

    (wow…where did THAT come from..?!?)

    ๐Ÿ™‚ You know you want to do yer fav shoes next, Beth…

  19. 119
    Elaine Johnson says:

    All I can say is Thank you and LOL, LOL, LOL!!!!!

  20. 120
    Rhonda McClellan says:

    What a wonderful, fun treat! You give us the opportunity to get to know you as our friend.
    I just love you!

  21. 121
    EmmaLee says:

    I kept waiting on some spiritual element…..waiting….ha ha and there it was at the end! That orange jacket has to be some kind of sign!lol I was feeling like a stalker as I thought I recognized some of your jackets , considering I have never seen you in person! I looked at my three girls outfits and seriously doubt I could ever wear anything they purchased ha ha but to the babies credit…she probably didn’t put the zebra striped bib over her polka dot pjs!

  22. 122
    Sandra Deleon says:

    You are one fashionista lady, I love the way you dress.:) I am now motivated to clean my closet and find some beautiful clothes to wear. Beth, I love your sweet personality.

  23. 123
    Rebecca says:

    I love the fact that you have to specify the proper pronunciations of certain vowels so that not-so-southern readers can achieve the full effect of your words. Definitely the types of words meant to read aloud. In a Houston Accent. Am I Right?

  24. 124
    Charmaine Cave says:

    Oh Beth, you have given me a well needed afternoon laugh with that orange jacket!! Thank you! I love you MUCH.

  25. 125
    Peppa says:

    This post was awesome, it’s exactly how my brain thinks! So often I am trying to connect the dots for my friends on how my brain got from one point to the next. Thanks for sharing with us, as a child of missionaries there have been multiple occasions that I’ve had to scale back my wardrobe to fit in a suitcase as we got ready for our next adventure. There are two items of clothing that will follow me from one country to the next. One is a beautiful white and black jacket and another are my knee high converse. They are my must haves ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. 126
    Nichole's mom says:

    Thank you for making me laugh! I love you!

  27. 127
    Lynne says:

    What a fun post today!!! I have some old fav’s myself that I cannot part with. My first pair of Calvin Klein jeans still hang in my closet (I’m waiting for high waist to come back). I tend to hang on to shoes and have them re-soled like the Evan Picone pumps I have on today. Bless y’all.

  28. 128
    Natalie says:

    Hilarious post, Beth! I recognize jacket number 2 (long, black, bejeweled) from Passion 2013 – I remember loving it then and still do now! I do have to admit that I gasped at the orange number…doesn’t quite look like you ๐Ÿ˜‰ thanks for the trip into your closet!

  29. 129
    glenda miller says:

    [email protected]…I’ll happily take the orange jacket! I’m your size and I’m a true autumn! Orange is a great color on me! LOL!

  30. 130
    Kendra says:

    ๐Ÿ™‚ I love it when you go off (or, on as it were) about nothing like this. It makes me laugh. And, oh my word – that last jacket is horrific! LOL

  31. 131
    nikki moore says:

    Thanks for sharing Beth! It was nice to have “girl” time, it’s just as important as the deep stuff too! Really enjoyed it!

  32. 132
    Joy French says:

    I am laughing my head off, but refuse to share more:)

  33. 133
    Shelley says:

    This might have been one of my favorite posts of yours….It made my day!

  34. 134
    Lisa McGriff says:

    Thank you so much Beth, I needed to laugh until I cried at work today! To to funny!

  35. 135
    Cathi says:

    Beth Moore you are adorable!!!! Oh my gosh I wish we were friends and could sit down for coffee once a week….I love your personality and sense of humor!!! The part about trying to give the jacket to the barista…PRICELESS! I am howling!! This is random, but I still laugh out loud and snort when I think of a part in one of your books where you are talking about an unnamed lingerie store, an afternoon of shopping with your girls and your question to the cashier…”what exactly makes a mint sexy?”. You are a treasure because you are so relatable…not to mention caring, insightful, clearly used by God, and so so so funny. THANK YOU!

  36. 136
    Tina Harrell says:

    Perfect way to start a Monday!! Alas, I fear I must have OCD because I noticed right away that the hangers were different and it highly distracted me from gazing at the beautiful jackets! All of my hangers match – oh how I hate to admit that. And the Starbucks ‘incident’ was priceless! Keep ’em coming.

  37. 137
    Shelley says:

    This is a PS….I am from East Texas and completely get the whole boot thing, but especially the big hair. Recently my husband and I had to be in Las Vegas for a convention. While the men were working, one of the other wives and myself went shopping (of course!) and one of the guys at a skin care kiosk tried to stop us by saying, “You ladies must be from Texas” I asked him if it was the accent that tipped him off and he replied, “No….it was your hair” We laughed all the way to Nordstroms!!

  38. 138
    phyllis says:

    I read all the way through. It was a very nice respite from about an hour and a half trying to help an aged family member get her email working via the phone. The time flew by, but the phone bill won’t. And, we weren’t successful…however the story does have a happy ending. My brother set her straight in about 60 seconds over the phone. She now has email.
    I’m blonde, too..both ways.

  39. 139
    Dolly King says:

    This made me laugh. Just love you. I thank God for you almost everytime we begin with prayer at our Bible studies. (When we are doing one of yours. Just wouldn’t be right to thank God for you when we are doing one of Kelly’s or Kay’s. Well we could, but….this is getting too complicated.)

  40. 140
    Robyn (3girlsmom) says:

    The yellow floral jacket you wore to Travis’s live taping in Atlanta – when you came into the Siesta lunch at FBC Woodstock!

    So funny how your jacket triggers such happy memories!

    Robyn

  41. 141
    Angela says:

    Thanks,that was fun! I have an idea for the orange jacket.I have a jacket that I run in. It looks like the same material,so maybe you can run in it. You will stay warm and everyone will be able to see you.

  42. 142
    Susan says:

    I so needed this post! It’s a rainy day & Monday in TN which just goes along with a tough time. Thank you for making me laugh and my heart lighter! Blessings!

  43. 143
    Michael Ann Iverson says:

    Thank you for this girly post! I love to laugh and it lightens our spirits! I love shoes and purses! There I said it! I remember once walking in to one of those shoe type warehouse stores years ago when my husband and I were first married and my heart leapt! I was so excited by the sea of shoes before me and and all the possibilities! My husband said, “You already have a pair of shoes”….Really? Seriously, I just like to look…well, sometimes buy too!…hahaha!
    Thank you Beth! You are such a blessing!

  44. 144
    Lisa says:

    We could be friends if we lived in the same city. I laughed out loud when I read this post. I am so glad that you are REAL!!

  45. 145
    Bev says:

    isn’t it great how the clothes may get “old” but HIS word and HIS truths never do!

    thanks for a great start to my Monday . . . what a light-hearted look at your closet and for some sweet memories of seeing you while wearing many of these pieces! ๐Ÿ™‚

    blessings ~b

  46. 146
    Joyce watson says:

    I really need the first jacket the tan one with the brown bow in the front, I am having an up-coming ladies brunch and those are the colors I’m using. haha
    Now the pokey-dots I really like too. Will match my pokey-dot and feet-zy pj’s.
    …oops, excuse me I must sip my hazelnut coffee…
    Now, about those boots..they are perfect for this Oklahoma girl, I will have to wear them to Tulsa when I come see you in September.
    The black jacket is so perfect…hum..mm It matches everything! The orange jacket reminds me of Dr. Spock on Star Trek, but I am sure you beautiful in it because you are beautiful in Christ! It does remind me of autumn leaves and how they change color…just like our hair styles and our clothes. (just being funny!)
    Oh, almost forgot those two dogs, they would love the ladies brunch I am planning…I am decorating in birds. My son suggested I get a real bird. I might just do that.
    Can you run very fast in those boots?

  47. 147
    Janine says:

    What a hoot! DARLING! I remember you saying at a conference in Las Vegas years ago, that you and Priscilla were competing for who could find the cutest jackets….and on sale, I am assuming. (smile) Thanks for the light hearted post, I needed that today! You have no idea. My sweet dog brings the same joy to me, as well.

  48. 148
    Martha says:

    LOVE this post and LOVE you!!

    Martha in MS

  49. 149
    Barbara says:

    LMBO!!!!!!!!

  50. 150
    Dorothy says:

    You totally impress me with not only FABULOUS jackets but that you remember where each of them came from! I read your whole post, pure delight. Can’t wait to see you speak in Eugene, OR next month. Until then, here is a big virtual hug for the joy you brought to my heart. God bless Beth. xoxo

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