My Sister Gay’s Fourth Installment: “Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight”

First Installment: Meet My Sister

Second Installment: The Functioning Years

Third Installment: The Maelstrom

From Gay’s heart to yours…

Gregg Taylor, my pastor and sweet, sweet friend, said in a sermon one night at Mercy Street that “the person who has a WHY to live can bear with almost any HOW.”  He was quoting Victor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning which chronicles Frankl’s experiences as a concentration camp inmate.  It means that if I have a reason, a purpose, something beyond where I am, a sense of what I could become, and I know that tomorrow is going to bring me closer to that then I can work with where I am today.  He went on to say, “If you have no hope, life ends.”

I didn’t stop breathing while I was out there on the street, but in all other respects my life had ended.  I knew that.  I knew that I had caused my family to leave me because I had not been willing or able to stop drinking.  I don’t know now whether I couldn’t stop or I wouldn’t stop (probably some of both), I just know that I didn’t stop. In my mind, I no longer had anything to live for.  My family was gone.  My employability was gone.  My desire to make another stab at recovery was gone.  My self-respect and integrity were gone.  My faith in myself and God were gone.  I had no reason, no purpose, nothing beyond where I was.  I only had another miserable day on the street, in the elements, cold, sick, hungry, filthy, beaten in more ways than one, full of heartache, resentment, jealousy, fear, self-pity, self-loathing and hate.  My only purpose each day was to figure out how I was going to drink myself into unconsciousness so that I couldn’t see or feel the hopelessness that each day brought.  I didn’t want to wake up to another day of hustling, begging, stealing, cheating and doing what I had to do to stay alive, all of which were pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.  I didn’t believe in God anymore — I knew that the All Mighty, All Powerful, All Merciful God that I had been taught about in Sunday School would not let me, ME, live out there like a wild animal!  I had lost all hope, and with that, I had lost the will to live.  I didn’t care anymore if I lived or died.

Yet somehow, unbeknownst to me, God WAS there.  I was just too covered up with my own “stuff” (heartache, self-pity, hate) and too busy trying to blot out that stuff to see Him. In the process, I had blotted Him out, too.  I did not see that when my body finally screamed out for food that food was there.  I did not see that the people I despised and hated, fought and scratched with, and told them I was BETTER THAN THEM were the very angels that God had sent to protect me.  I did not see that the porch that I slept UNDER (because I would get arrested for trespassing if I slept ON) was His shelter.  I did not see how much worse it could have been had my drug of choice been anything other than alcohol.  I did not see that each day that I woke up breathing was another day closer to the day He would strike … the day I would be ready; when all of the things that had blocked me from following His lead in the past were brought into submission.  The entitlement, the pride, the judgment, the dishonesty, the unwillingness to be obedient to His will for ME, for MY life, had to be surrendered so that I might not only obtain sobriety but also be effective in His world.

Now, let me rest on this for a second before I move on:  I found out later that His will for me was not simply for me to quit drinking.  It was for me to DO THE THINGS that He put before me each and every day, one day at a time, and that HE WOULD EQUIP ME with the tools to quit drinking!  He would EMPOWER ME.

Note: I know these things now.  I did not know them then.  Hindsight is better than foresight but I am hoping that those of you who are listening will not be as hardheaded as me!

Moving on …

After wandering aimlessly IN THE WILDERNESS for 18 months, a series of events that only a God could have brought together led me and my friend, Jerry, from Galveston to Houston.  The street was hard and mean in Houston.  No beach, no everyone-knows-each other-and-watches-each-other’s-backs, no First Presbyterian Church serving breakfast fit for a king on Saturday mornings.  As a matter of fact, all clothing and food supplies had been sent to Galveston to aid those still suffering from Hurricane Ike which had ravaged the island just six months before.  The City is much harder, walking distances much further, people more desperate, dangerous and demanding.  I couldn’t take it.  I couldn’t survive anymore.  It was too hard.  So I just laid down on the concrete underneath the Sabo Road overpass to die.  I didn’t panhandle anymore, I didn’t beg anymore, I didn’t fight anymore.  I laid down to die.

According to Jerry, I didn’t move from there for about two weeks, except to sit up long enough to drink myself back to sleep.  I might have eaten a bite or two.  I maybe even stumbled across the feeder road now and then to use the facilities at Jack In The Box, maybe not.  I don’t know.  I was in a blackout.  I had only one lucid moment during that entire time that I remember well, so well that it feels like yesterday.  It was night and I was alone in the dark.  I was lying on my left side and in my fear, whether of death or of continuing to live, I thought of my children and, at that moment, they became my WHY.  I didn’t care enough about myself to pray for my life but I cared enough about THEM to do just that.  I turned onto my back and hearing the endless roar of the traffic overhead, I spoke out loud to God where He could hear me and I could hear myself.  I spoke very precisely, almost demandingly and with my arm outstretched toward Heaven, I cried, “God, I know that You are up there.  I have been taught that all my life.  Now, I need Your help.  Now!  Because I’m going to die out here, Lord, and there are two little boys in Sugar Land that need a mother.”  Just like that, just exactly like that, and then it was done.  Amen and Amen.

I don’t know how much time passed between that prayer and being gently shaken awake by Tut: an hour, a day, two days.  But alone again in the night in the exact same spot, I felt a nudge and I heard a voice saying, “Gay, get up and get in the truck.  We’re going home.”  I didn’t hesitate.  I didn’t look around to see who I might take with me.  I didn’t look around to see who might stop me.  I didn’t even look around to see who it was.  I simply got up off the concrete and walked to the truck, one foot in front of the other, each step closer and closer, remembering the prayer because it was the ONLY thing I could remember about the weeks prior, knowing with each step that God – that God — that’s all I knew, without a shred of doubt, — that God had heard my cry and had moved Heaven and Earth to save me!  I became acutely aware in those miracle moments of the size and depth of the Love of God for a sinner like me.  As I settled into the warm, soft, leather seat of the white Chevy Suburban that I had ridden in so many times and looked over to confirm that the man was indeed Tut, I was struck with an awe that I can’t possibly describe.  That awe multiplied as we pulled away and I saw the bridge that I had tried to die under get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.  It was over.


It was OVER.


It was OVER.


My heart is pounding now as I bang this keyboard and I feel an urgency to cry my eyes out in more gratitude than I know how to express.  In my mumbling and fumbling to find the words to describe those moments, I think of the words to a song by Francesca Battistelli.  It goes like this:

Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be.
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so beautiful, beautiful.
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful.


Gregg Taylor, my pastor and my sweet, sweet friend, also says that God never brings an end without offering a new beginning. I didn’t know HOW I was going to begin the climb out of hell.  I just knew that I was going to begin.  I was never the same after that night.
I have come undone.
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace.
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so beautiful, beautiful.
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful.


Praise Jesus, Love of my life.


471 Responses to “My Sister Gay’s Fourth Installment: “Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight””

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  1. 251
    Kathleen Inman says:

    What an incredible story, I just LOVE how HE LOVES us so much that makes our experiences on this walk so amazing. HIS GRACE is soo soo amazing. Praise God for the work you and Beth are doing to help the hurting in our world. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Every family has someone who needs help one way or the other. Thank you.

  2. 252
    Dayna says:

    Thank you thank you for sharing your story! God doesn’t give up on us! Praise you Lord!

  3. 253
    GJ says:

    Gay – there is a man in my church who has been clean from drug addiction for about 18 months now – he always sits down front and his JOY in worship is evident. He is so uninhibited. His family has been restored to him too!

    Reading about your deliverance helps me see him in a new light. My friend is so excited about Jesus. He has been DELIVERED and he is just so alive. He reaches out to others and leads in a restoration ministry.

    Thank you for sharing. I pray for God to strengthen you as you share and cover you too. I know it must be emotional to re-tell. I’m sure thankful for your transparency. Keep telling your story Gay – you are making a difference through Christ.

    Much love,
    Georgia Jan (GJ)

    • 253.1
      Gay says:

      GJ — Oh that makes me so happy to hear that!!! Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us, GJ. I know that I’m not the only one who is grateful out of my mind to Jesus for saving me from the chains of addiction. I am happy because I am FREE. Your friend at church too!! He is FREE. It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. I love that so much. Thanks again and thanks for your prayers.

      Loved you are,

  4. 254
    Sue Springer says:

    Precious, Beloved Daughter of God, thank you so much for enduring the cost of telling your story so that we could be blessed, and He could be glorified. I stand in awe.

  5. 255
    Andrea Porter says:

    Dear Siesta Gay,
    Wow, I am so moved by your story of redemption. Thank you for sharing your story, even though we have never met, I sure am glad you didn’t die under that that overpass. Because maybe some day we will meet and share our faith and a good cup of coffee or do you like tea? Me? I love them both and I love you too, you are just precious.


    • 255.1
      Gay says:

      Andrea — Coffee, and strong. I was raised on the strongest coffee in the South. My mother’s!! Your words mean so much to me, Andrea. I love all of you out here on this blog. What a wonderful example this community is of the Love of God!! You minister to me daily, DAILY, many times daily.

      Loved you are,

      • Andrea Porter says:

        Thanks Gay,
        You minister to me too, daily. I am so glad I stumbled upon this blog community, it is a great example of God’s love for all of us, I tell people about it all the time. Coffee it is Gay. However, I don’t drink it without my Coffeemate creamer, I just can’t seem to drink it black. Strong coffee is just fine, but I tease my husband that I like my coffee like I like my men, sweet and light. GRIN 🙂 I loved your choice of words about your ordeal when it ended: “It was over.” It is very freeing to declare that something that bothers you is OVER. Now you can move on, get back to your life. The millstone around your neck has been removed and you feel light as a feather. As my Mom says, “Our God is an on time God.” Amen and thanks to him that he is, an on time God.
        (((HUG))) Bless You, Andrea

  6. 256
    LeAnna says:

    Gay, I have loved following your story. It is incredible to see a glimpse into the depths of alcoholism and God’s amazing grace in your life. I don’t know how you would feel about answering this at some point, but I’m very interested to know what counsel you would give to believers on how to respond to those we know personally who are facing addiction as well as those with whom God crosses our paths but there is no relationship per se. There are so many thoughts out there about tough love, codependency, just give, etc. It’s clear this was a process, but I guess I’m just wanting to know what means the most when you’re in a situation like this? What actions and words point your heart to Jesus? What doesn’t help if it well-meaning by the believer?

    Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how difficult it is to “re-live” this time, even when the victory is so great. Your transparency is inspiring!

  7. 257
    diane montfort says:

    Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below… I am so glad you are here,to spread how much God Loves us.

  8. 258
    Kathy says:

    I’m speechless right now. God bless you.

  9. 259
    Church Lady says:

    Wow. That’s all I can say. God has such big plans for you. I’ll say it again…get yours girl!

  10. 260
    Deanna says:

    I read this beautiful love story to my Valentine today, and we both cried. Thank you for reminding us that neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  11. 261
    Courtney says:

    Dearest Gay, thank for sharing, thank you for being so open. I read all of your blogs today. As soon as I finished I sent them to my parents via email. We all were brought to tears. Your words captured the power of God’s grace. Thank you.

  12. 262
    Allison B says:

    This is just amazing and I am so grateful that you chose to share your journey. This has helped me so much because my dad has a problem with addiction. He doesn’t yet realize that it is a problem, but it has stolen everything from him (although he blames everything but his addiction/himself for the loss). Your story has helped me to realize that I must keep praying for him, even though it seems almost ridiculous at times. Thank you for sharing your story – I appreciate it so much.

  13. 263
    Emma says:


    Thank you so much for reminding me that, during the times when we don’t think He’s there, God is EVERYWHERE! He is so good and I’m so thankful that you have been sharing your story! It is such a blessing to me!

  14. 264
    Susie Miller says:

    The most powerful testimony I’ve ever read – and EXTREMELY well written!!! Gay, what courage you have and what a ministry of HOPE to anyone who’s ever been in a hopeless dark place! I pray you’ll write your story in book form and publish it so more people can benefit from it. God has obviously given you a gift as a writer and given you an incredible testimony. I praise God for your deliverance! He is beyond amazing!!!

    I experienced a health crisis and a dark pit of despair 4 years ago after living on adrenaline all my life – running from abusive dysfunctional family to bad marriage to single motherhood to a stressful career – a people pleaser who burned myself out trying to earn the approval of others, God’s love and some self-worth. The depression was oppressive, pervasive and dark and took a long time to climb out of. But God became my everything and walked every step with me. I wore out the Psalms! I still battle depression but am in a much better place physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that God is good and loving and present with us. And by His daily grace we stand as victors – more than conquerors! You and me, Gay, more than conquerors!!!

  15. 265
    Shelly Elston says:

    I’m in awe of your story, Gay. God is so mighty! He loves us. Even at our ugliest. Even when we’ve sunk about as low as we think we can get He calls us into Himself and loves us back to beauty every single time.

    Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I pray it blesses many people that are in addicted conditions or are loving someone in an addicted state. May this give them the hope and strength they need to get help and get healthy. Redemption is sweet!

  16. 266
    Leslie says:

    Thank you for blessing us and being transparent and sharing your story, Siesta Aunt!

  17. 267
    linda says:

    mighty powerful, gay… what an awesome reminder of the great redeeming love our savior has for us – that he will never leave us – is always with us… you are a living testament! thank you for sharing your precious heart with us – you are so loved, sister…

  18. 268
    Joy says:


    How Awesome is our God! Gay your story touches all of us as we see ourselves in some degree or another in your story. We hold our fingers in our ears and ignoring the Holy Spirit’s voice and direction in our lives, choosing rather to have our own way. We think “it” is only a little “no”, not wanting to call it disobedience, & never realizing the consequences.

    Thank you for sharing your journey as I agree with the many others that are believing for deliverance for the people in our lives to call upon God to resuce them !

  19. 269
    Sherrie says:

    Thank you so much for obeying Jesus and humbling yourself before us. Right now I feel as though you shared this segment just for me.

    I know it wasn’t alcohol that ravaged my life, my ‘drug’ of choice is not considered a ‘drug’ to the world but it was a drug to my soul. At times like now I wonder if I need to be able to name that ‘drug’ in order to dethrone it. What is the poison that still rears its ugly head and causes this inner turmoil? I don’t know what it is that is drugging my soul, if it is just my sick mind how can I stop it without stopping me? A friend told me once she was not concerned about me killing myself until I told her I was confident that Katie and Jordan would be fine, they didn’t need me any more. So why are there more and more and more days? I need to find my WHY! One I can hold on to and not let go, one that wont go away. Maybe each day doesn’t need a purpose, maybe each day doesn’t need people, maybe each day will come and go and pass me by without me even realizing I am… still here, still breathing, still waiting for this journey to be over.

    Tonight I am lost. My sweet precious niece reached out to me in the darkness of the night. Just a text that read: Happy V day!! Love you!!! which I interpreted as I’m thinking of you. It is written somewhere in the ‘pit’ at age 4 she was my reason. Now she is me…loving the unlovable, teaching missions, giving giving giving may she NEVER be anything like me in any other way than loving Jesus and loving the unlovable and those with too much to have a need recognizing they all need Jesus.

    Wondering if I will ever know how I got from there to here.

    Thank you Gay for sharing your story, for offering hope to the hopeless through the love of Jesus. What a brave, brave woman you are!

  20. 270
    Carol says:

    Your story fills me with so much hope. While not on the same path, I have a daughter that needs to let the Spirit of God guide her. But I must be patient, prayerful, and discerning. Very hard to do.

  21. 271
    Kendra says:

    Tears streaming down my face, I’m praising Him. What precious love indeed! Thank you for so boldly sharing your story with us – praying for your protection as you put in some ways have to re-live while you re-count it all. Thank you. Praise Him!

  22. 272
    Heather says:

    AMEN! I couldn’t sleep tonight so I came down to read and checked the blog to find your 4th installment – TEARS running down my sleepy face with my wild bed head typing this on the keyboard – V I C T O R Y ! ! !
    Our God SEES,
    Our God HEARS,
    Our God KNOWS,
    and…Our God RESCUES…at just the perfect time
    Thank you sweet Jesus.

    Gay, may Jesus continue to unfold His beautiful plan to your life as you minister so much to soooo many! WOW I am so excited to be a part of this unveiling! The river is flowing through you sister! =)

    My brother lived 20 painful years with drug & alcohol (prison, homelessness, & a tragic brain injury that he survived and yet went back to addictions after recovery(!?!?!)…so much pain) AND YET…our GOD…only our GOD could meet our needs. GOD has a plan. Blake says that when he finally, finally, oh Jesus, FINALLY accepted GRACE, was when the chains dropped and VICTORY Won, the enemy was defeated! In his life and his dear wife’s who he met in a tiny basement of a Methodist church recovery group – both drunk but trying…have come to complete healing and VICTORY over the last 12 years clean and sober – PRAISE GOD. She has her own VICTORY story of addictions due to traumatic abuse as a child which led to her suffering from Dis-associative Disorder (yes…that would be Multiple Personality which was her only survival that her precious body could resort to functioning – soo amazing) AND YET GOD…GOD has set her FREE and healed EVEN THIS! 2 broken, broken people…HEALED, REDEEMED, SET FREE and God is using them to help others.
    Something Beautiful
    something Good
    All my confusion,
    He understood
    All I had to offer Him,
    was brokenness and strife
    (Gather song – HA! – I’m in my mid 40’s but I grew up with my parents playing this song on their record albums!)

    Love you bunches from here and I am so thankful to have read this tonight …my goodness, it’s this morning already but YOU have blessed me and started an early Wednesday with an AMEN!

  23. 273
    Maureen says:

    Gay, I have goose bumps piled 3 deep!! Why oh why am I so surprised to hear a story such as yours???? My hope is that God intends to surprise me for the rest of my life. I am so very grateful to God “the hound of heaven” for His relentless longing & love for you…and now yours for HIM!! Again I thank you…small words but w/huge sincerity!! I only wish I could be there to hug you & love on you in Jesus’ name!!

  24. 274
    Gail says:

    This has been an emotional story to read. I am reading it as the family member standing by and watching the destruction. My twin brother is living your story at this very moment. I finally received a call last night that he has been found in a homeless shelter. The most heart-wrenching thing I have ever had to do was to say, “You can no longer live in my home until you seek help.” Thank you for the remembrance that God is a God of redemption and the Lord’s presence is with him.

  25. 275
    Ginny says:

    I have paused to comment to these beautiful posts, Gay, because I just haven’t been able to find the words to describe the astounding power of your testimony. Reading it takes my breath away. Your story points straight to our merciful, sovereign and loving Father. His reach is endless. His grace is so tenacious for us. His desire is always for our rescue and redemption. And He delivers! Keep telling the story. Your story. His story. Never stop. It inspires us all. Praising Him!

  26. 276

    THANK YOU!!!! God becomes real to the touch when we hear
    the testimonies of His mighty work! He is using you to encourage so many of us. Thank you for being vunerable, authentic…REAL. He becomes real when we get real.
    God’s cotninued blessing on you.

  27. 277

    Oh my I have no words….just so humbled. What a mighty God we serve.

    Much love and blessings to you Gay. Thank you so much for sharing!

  28. 278
    Donna says:

    Incredible, Amazing, I agree, this story must be shared with others–even more than this blog can do.

    A book perhaps, or what about a booklet that can be handed out as a tract with the story of God’s wonderful power in your life along with portions of scripture. A tract like no other to help those who are suffering…. It can then be shared with tens of thousands.

    God will utilize your life in a mighty way Gay.

  29. 279
    Yanna Westmoreland says:

    Gsy, your post reminded me of God’s cell phone number. When we call Him He will answer! His number is Jeremiah 33:3 for those of you who do not have it in your phone connections yet.

    Beth, I think a “happy dance moment” would be good Tuesday; wouldn’t take but just a minute. 🙂 I so feel like dancing for the LORD in praise and thanksgiving…but promise to keep my clothes on!!

  30. 280
    SS says:

    Thank you for sharing how God worked so blatantly in your life. It can’t be easy for you to open yourself up like this, but then again, how could you hide it? Oh, what a wonderful God we serve!
    Tell me, where did you go during Hurricane Ike? I’ve wondered so often where the homeless people who live along the river in New Orleans went during Katrina.
    What did you do?

  31. 281
    Peggy Wallace says:

    Your words leave me speechless. May God use your transformed life in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

  32. 282
    Karen Scott says:

    When I read the part about Tut coming to get you, I thought to myself that Jesus is so gentle. He could have gotten you off the street any number of ways, but He whispered in Tut’s ear to come and find you. How merciful.

    Gay, you certainly can write just like your sister! I know we are all glad that you are here.

  33. 283
    Amy says:

    Please, please, please do not leave us there! Please continue to share the highs, and inevitably, lows of your walk out of that pit! As I posted on your first installment, I have never been in the pit you have, but my pit was sorry, dirty, and dark nonetheless. Your testimony has been such an encouragement to me. Don’t stop sharing… we need to be reminded just how big our God is….

  34. 284
    Andrea says:

    Sweet Gay-
    Thank you for sharing so vividly your struggles but most importantly God’s TRIUMPH in your life. I hope that these posts and these words have brought you an even deeper sense of healing and that God would use them to touch lives and to save others in their struggles.

    In Him,

  35. 285
    Jill says:

    Yes, you must publish His praises with your story.

    My sister recently told me something she heard: that a shepherd will break the legs of a continually straying lamb, and then carry it on his shoulders while it is healing. That mix of concern/love and gentless makes me cry.

    I so look forward to part five. I will be checking my computer 16-17 times a day until I read it, so please be kind.

  36. 286
    Lina says:

    Years ago my son was in a residential Christian-based addiction recovery center. The only way we could see him was by attending their church on site on Sunday. That first time, in that church, we saw Jesus in the faces of many broken men…many there by court order and some voluntary (like our son). It was beautiful in a way I just can’t describe. We drove the hour-and-a-half drive home in silence, occasionally interrupted by one of exclaiming “what WAS that?”… our son struggled with with his addiction for a time after that too. But Jesus got a hold of our family through that addiction and subsequently saved us ALL. My son has several years of sobriety under his belt. He went on to serve our country, was deployed to Afghanistan and survived three roadside bombings that killed others in the vehicles. He is in treatment now with significant PTSD and traumatic brain injury but he has HOPE. Sometimes he will still feel the weight of the addiction years and express his deep regret for all he put the family through. But honestly, though the scars are there but we are better for all we learned through it. He survived and we survived and we all have thrived, thanks to Jesus. My son is a husband and father now…and when I see him pray with his little two year old daughter or pray with his wife over their newborn son I am reminded afresh of the miracles our God has done in my family alone.

    Gay, Jesus is speaking to many through your words. Thank you for letting Him touch many through you. Much love to you, sister.

  37. 287
    Lisa, Texas says:


    What a strong, heartfelt reminder, where addictions can take us. I had my last drink in 2003. Now at 50, it is sooooo cool that my high is Jesus Christ and His obedience in my life.I pray for you, that one day at a time, you will stay strong in your faith, it is so worth it!

    Blessings Girl!

  38. 288
    Rachel Goode says:

    So what happened!?!? I hope that’s not the last installment!! How did Tut find you? Where did he take you? What did y’all do? When did you realize what God was doing?

    Praise God for redemption.

  39. 289
    theharbormom says:

    Gay, I was brought to tears when I read that Tut came and found you. I was touched by the untold story that he has – his own journey with the Lord that moved him to trust in that moment to search for you. After all that he had gone through in loving you, he had not given up on God’s voice into the situation. I want to be that kind of person – someone who steps out when God tells me to do so, regardless of what I think I know.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  40. 290
    Snowbyrrd says:

    God bless you sweet woman!! Thank you for sharing your story!

  41. 291
    wanda says:

    I’m so moved. Your description of God’s rescue (and that was SOME RESCUE, girl) reminds me….there IS NO PIT SO DEEP that He can’t reach in to find me!

    I’m praising Him for you and for all He has done to make you brand new! YOU. ARE. AN. AMAZING. EXAMPLE. OF. HIS. LOVE.
    Thank you, dear lady.

    PS- Hug Tut for me. He was obviously LISTENING to the Holy Spirit and obeyed! He sounds like a keeper!

  42. 292
    Laurie says:

    YES, YES, YES! PRAISE THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! All I can do sweet sister is praise Him for pursuing and loving His children so. Oh, He is too good to us! Thanking Him for giving you the boldness and the words to tell your story. Today your story has blessed my heart so much!

  43. 293
    Sarah says:

    Wow! I am just in Awe of God. He’s speaking straight to my own heart through your testimony of His Mercy on your life. I’m so glad that He doesn’t give up on us, aren’t you? GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!

  44. 294
    Ann says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It could have been my story and I don’t know if I could/would have shared it. Jesus is beautiful in you! Can’t wait for the next post!!

  45. 295
    Kelly Minter says:

    Gay, I am astounded by your story but equally with your writing and passion. When I read your voice I at times feel like I’m reading Beth’s. What I mean by this is that it seems God has truly anointed you two as sisters (a familial anointing) with a passion, zeal and utter amazement for the Lord that is really distinct and moving. It’s a gift He’s give you both. Lastly, thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable so all those who have ever felt utterly stuck can know there is a God who redeems us not just for heaven, but in this present life. Blessings to you today!

  46. 296
    Joyce Watson says:

    And I heard the Lord say,
    I want you back,
    Only I can give you all the love
    you are seeking
    I want you back
    into my arms
    I want to hold you as my own
    for I have never left you.
    Fear not and be strong
    Come to me and let me hold you.

    …Well, my tears came streaming
    down my face
    I knew it had been so long since I
    felt His love and grace.

    Lord, I said
    I have been away from You
    Never looking back
    Never considering Who You are
    Never considering What You want
    Never did I think about my sins or
    the consequences
    Or the hurt it might bring You.
    I am ashamed and I am so unhappy
    I don’t know how I can come to You,
    Not now.

    And once again, the Lord said,
    I love you. I never stopped loving you.
    Come to me, my child. I will take care of all those problems
    for they are too much for you to handle. Come to me,
    you are still my child and I love you. Come back.

    Once again, I said,
    Lord, you know who I am
    You know me better than I know myself
    I am broken, I am weak
    I am nothing without You.

    Lord, forgive me
    I want Your love back into my life
    Hold me. Let me feel Your presence
    Make me white as snow
    Carry me, Lord.
    And like a little child
    I came back to Him.

    I came back to my Lord
    I came back to the One who loved and cared for me
    …to the One who forgives and never leaves me.

    Oh, I cannot explain it,
    it was so overwhelming
    but the love I felt
    the peace that came flowing
    His presence inside me..
    mending my past hurts and sorrows
    I no longer had to carry the heavy load
    that made me feel down
    I was glad to feel His presence again
    And once again
    He filled me full of joy and hope.
    My Redeemer, My Savior
    My Lord, My Treasure
    Praise to Him
    Oh, how I love my Lord!~joyce
    I pray that those who need to know God still loves them and that He cares very much for them, that they will Come to Him__to return into His open arms and embrace His love.

  47. 297
    Carol Giacomini says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has helped me better understand my cousin who is an alcoholic and has given me hope…

  48. 298
    Julie Ratcliff says:

    I am so glad you are sharing your story, Gay. This installment gave me hope for a dear family member who struggles with addiction. She is in a major depression and we are worried that she is giving into those addictions. This reminded me never to give up on her! You are so loved and appreciated!

    In Him,

  49. 299
    Ruth says:

    Dear Sister Gay,
    Thank you for the raw truth, again. Combining the themes of your post with your sister’s previous one, reading your story is a Remembrance of the Lord for me from His deliverance from my own insanity of alcohol/drug addiction 26+ years ago–ODAT.
    How grateful I am for the work He is doing in you, with you, through you and for you–it is a Work of His Kingdom, without a doubt.
    Thanks for sharing.

  50. 300
    Sharon says:

    God’s love for us is a beautiful thing. He is always there with his hand reached out all we have to do is take it. God bless you, Gay I hope you put your testimony in to a book. Take it slow as God directs. Your times are in His hands. Love any prayers

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