My Sister Gay’s Second Installment: The Functioning Years

For the first installment of Gay’s story, click here.

My beloved Sisters, it is my great honor to bring you my sister, Gay’s, second installment in her mind-blowing, God-glorifying story of redemption. By all means, let your friends and relatives know to watch for these installments if they could really use this hope. Boy, have I ever been desperate for it in my own wrestling matches with the enemy. You do not need to worry that I am going to vacate the blog until her series reaches its conclusion. No such luck! I’ll still be right here in the middle of things. I also want you to know that her story in many ways is part of mine and my story in many ways is part of hers. As God would have it, our stories grow from the same roots and braid their ways like vines up the same tree. Before I send you forward to read this wonderful second portion of her story, many of you are requesting another livestream and I’m in the mood for another one myself! Aren’t they a blast?? We’ll do one next week – perhaps Wednesday so that I can give my solid attentions to Tuesday night Bible study. I’ll let you know the day and time several days in advance so we can plan.  OK, my beloved fellow sojourners, I’ll turn this over now to Gay! I love you so much, my dearest older sister. God’s glory radiates all over you. Thank you for sowing into this blog community. They are so dear to me.

I sat on the side of our bed in 1986 and said to my husband, Tut, “I think I’ve got a drinking problem.”

Ladies, before I move on I want you to re-read that sentence and let the weight of the year 1986 sink in all the way down to your toes.  I finally quit drinking, after profound suffering, in 2009, TWENTY-THREE YEARS after God gave me the first word of warning.

The single most significant event in my life to that date had occurred just six short months before:  the birth of our first born son, our sweet, red-haired, smart as a whip Zachary.  I was 31 years old.  Mind you, I had not drunk a drop of alcohol during the entire pregnancy, not one.  Yet a few months later I was beginning the most difficult conversation of my life.  One that I would continue to have for the rest of my life, even in sobriety.  I had an urgency inside of me once Zach was born to be responsible.  Now, I have an inkling that most people, especially women, decide to be responsible before 31 years of age.  But not me.  To this day, I don’t know why I had a wild streak down my back that wouldn’t quit.  I was a rebel from the time I can remember and wild as a March hare.  I either didn’t think I would get caught or gave no consideration whatsoever to the consequences.  I wasn’t scared of the devil himself and I sure wasn’t scared of my parents!  Then.

Tut and I had been married 2-1/2 years at that time and we had a good marriage although not devoid of problems, mostly growing pains.  Neither one of us had been raised in terribly functional homes and we were simply doing what we knew to do.  We were partners, “teamies,” crazy about each other and we were drinking buddies.  We drank every single night if we needed to or not and that was just the way we lived for most of our married life.  I heard the words “drinking problem” come out of my mouth and I feared they were true but Tut casually disagreed and I was looking for any reason to believe otherwise.  So I shut up and kept drinking, beer and wine thankfully, which wreaked little havoc in our lives other than the war that was beginning inside my head.  Am I alcoholic, like those OTHER people who have to go to meetings or am I making a big deal over nothing?  Surely I am overreacting.  I should be able to control my drinking.  After all, I’m me!  I’m smart and fairly attractive and married and daughter of Al and Aletha Green who raised me in church where I gave my heart to Jesus, was baptized at 9 years old, sang in the choir and went to G.A.’s (a young girls’ mission organization).  I know right from wrong and drinking excessively is wrong, especially when I have a child to raise.  So there.  Problem solved.  I’ll cut down.  I will control.

Five years later, age 36, I was sitting at my computer at the Fortune 500 company I had been employed by for many years, where I was well respected and performed with excellence.  My head was spinning and fuzzy.  I was accustomed to working with a hangover, it didn’t even phase me, but this particular morning I couldn’t think of ANYTHING except for the fact that I was baffled at this dad blasted drinking problem and the fact that it would not go away!  I picked up the phone, dialed Charter Hospital of Sugar Land and made an appointment to be assessed by a substance abuse counselor.  It was a radical move!  After being accepted into the first of a long string of out-patient programs that I would not finish, I walked into my first AA meeting and received my first AA book which we most affectionately call the Big Book, not to be confused with the Good Book.  I was scared to death to walk into my first meeting, afraid that I might see someone I knew or they would see me and think that I was alcoholic.  I didn’t hear a word in that meeting but took the book home and began to read in the privacy of my own home, with a tall glass of vodka and cranberry juice.  The Big Book was written in 1939 and sounded, well, hokey to me.  In fact, it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever read in my life!  I slammed it shut, gulped down the last of my drink, felt the love (the love it had for me, the love I had for it, and the love I had for myself), the elusive warm and fuzzy “everything is right with the world” magic of the first drink and I put that dang book out for my next garage sale.

The “functioning years” rocked on through elementary school, middle school, the birth of Zach’s brother, Joshua, my parents’ move to Sugar Land, membership at a prominent neighborhood church, teaching preschool Sunday School, PTO, Cub Scouts, basketball, soccer, the Houston Rockets winning the NBA championship two years in a row (I had to put that in!), 9/11, etc.  I stopped at the liquor store right after work every day, never missed even one day and never repeated the same liquor store in one week.  I bought a pint of vodka, never more than that because I knew I would finish the bottle no matter what size it was.  I either poured myself a drink in the car or simply twisted off the cap and drank it straight from the bottle.  I couldn’t wait to get home which was only about 2 miles.  I floated in and out of AA meetings yet never ever thought any of that stuff applied to ME.  I was living my life right (except for this pesky drinking problem which I was trying my best to HIDE).  I was doing the right things.  I came from a good family.  I went to work every day and never drank before or at work.  I kept the laundry done, family fed and got the kids to school.  I taught Sunday School, for Pete’s sake.  I prayed to God many times to take away my desire to drink alcohol but, for reasons I know NOW but did not know THEN, He didn’t.  I would arise hopeful each morning only to make the decision to quit tomorrow over and over and over again until tomorrow never came.

On August 7, 1998, my mother died right in front of our eyes.  She had been diagnosed with breast cancer three years prior to that and somehow I thought I was prepared.  I was a little, ok a LOT, mad at God because I had gotten on my knees many times and prayed that He would spare my mother’s life yet … He didn’t.  We didn’t only lose our mother that dreaded day but we lost our glue.  All five of us scattered to the wind and dealt with her loss in our own way.  I drank.  It worked.  It took away the pain and if your mother had just died, you would drink too!!!  I gave up trying to control my drinking the day my mother died.  It seemed acceptable under those circumstances.  I was too sad, too lonely and, frankly, too broken without her.  I had talked to her 6 times a day on the phone and seen her daily for 8 years.  She had raised Zachary while I was working and had come back to life herself at the news of our expecting another baby.  Josh’s middle name is Cage after Micajah Rountree, my mother’s father, because I wanted to name him after HER.  She wasn’t perfect but she was Mom and we adored her.  She was the Queen of Everything.  I still feel her loss deeply and I’m fighting back an all-out cry as I write this — but I’m not drinking (ha!).  Praise Jesus of Heaven and Earth!!

That was the beginning of the end.  It was when I stopped caring if I controlled or not.  I am quite sure that the devil was jumping for joy on that day!  He’d gotten me and he was about to carry me away.  That was August of 1998 and I finally put down my last drink on April 19, 2009, more than ten full years later.  Ten years of dwelling in the pit, ten years of spiraling out of control, ten years of the descent into the maelstrom.  Hell.

Fast forward to August, 2009.  I was sitting on a park bench outside a Methodist Church in Pasadena, Texas in the early warmth of a beautiful summer morning.  It was beautiful instead of South Texas hot because I was grateful to be alive.  As I let the sun shine down on my face, I thanked God for my life and four months of sobriety.  It was a miracle!  A dark car with tinted windows drove up slowly in front of me and the window lowered only halfway.  The woman inside spoke quietly, “I’m looking for an AA meeting.”  I said, “This is it.  Don’t be scared.  I’ll go in with you.”  She parked and joined me on that bench for a good five minutes before we walked inside.  Her name was Diane and she shared with me that she had come to realize she had a serious drinking problem.  She was married to a man she loved like crazy and had a son about twelve years old.  She said, “I know the stories of some alcoholics, the losses they suffer and the bottoms they have to reach.  I love my husband and son so much and I don’t want that to happen to me, to our family.  I know I’m alcoholic and I want to stop now.”  I was able to tell her in a nutshell what God had done in my life and was continuing to do through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  We walked into that meeting together and I introduced her to my sponsor.  She was no longer quiet but felt welcomed and accepted.  I had breakfast with Diane and our mutual sponsor on New Years Eve Day 2011, just a month ago.  She’s been sober 2-1/2 years now and her family is stronger than ever before.  She never picked up another drink after she walked with me through those doors.  She found God in that room and never looked back.  He’s so good, isn’t He?  Everyone doesn’t have to pound the hot concrete with bare feet, somehow they are able to listen to the early warnings and learn from the journeys of others.  They are able to humble themselves enough to listen and apply.  They are able to see God intersect their lives long before the madness begins.  And have life, and have it to the full.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 New International Version (NIV)


341 Responses to “My Sister Gay’s Second Installment: The Functioning Years”

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  1. 251
    T says:

    Gay & Beth, thank you for open book living…my heart is breaking but very few people know it…i try to stay positive and put on a happy face and constantly ask God to use my life to encourage others…i have such deep cycles of broken heartedness in so many ways-even to the point that my heart hurts inside me if that makes any sense….all of my half-siblings (that is all i have because they either have a different dad or different mom than I have, & if you knew the way i was raised and all the PAIN, O how the grace & love of God has kept me going)…God rescued me when He saved me out of this generational lostness/pain/addiction and Beth God used you in the first years of my life in Christ that you may remember & Break Free SET ME FREE along with staying in your/any powerful Bible Studies that KEEP ME FREE, when He saved me one rejection after another came from the enemy to try to keep my heart crushed/can’t trust people and it all seems to center on a family tree full of alcohol, drugs, abuse, brokenness, nothing stable…fast forward, my mother (I led my mother to the Lord after many years of rejection, but she never was set free from alcohol/nicotine that finally led to her death) she went to be with JESUS and then everything between us half-siblings fell apart even deeper to the point that it is not safe for me and my family to be in contact with them…my heart breaks for them & can I be honest and share that i have wondered often why i was born, especially in so much pain/dysfunction…i am learning how to keep giving them to the Lord (casting my cares) and letting go that I have learned does not mean that i don’t care and love them in the Lord…what kind of HOPE is there for such dysfunction, they only HOPE i have found is in Christ and raising my children in HIM and reaching out to others that are hurting (Gen.50:20)…at one time one of my half-brothers accepted Christ in jail (after many many years of me sharing God’s uncondional love with him) but when he got out of jail he turned to/was accepted by a very dangerous motorcycle gang/club and we had to keep him away from our family (my husband, my 3 children and myself) he still does not have our best interest at heart and there is some meth/alcohol addictions…there is so much more that I wish that I could share with someone that could listen and truly pray like they loved me because all of my extended family are gone in strongholds of alcohol/drugs/gambling…I just want to run run run into the arms of JESUS every second of everyday first of all because I LOVE HIM & NEED HIM but also because I need Him to keep me SAFE & SECURE & Far from ever falling into generational traps that the enemy has set to detroy those that have so much potential for JESUS!! Thank you for listening, i pray that i have not taken way too much space and time, and most of all thank you for Sharing your stories…would you please PRAY for all i share and please PRAY for me as someone desperate for JESUS like the air i breath!!
    Your Sister in Christ (that is such a powerful much needed statement in my life!),

    • 251.1
      Stephanie solomon says:

      I’m praying for you. God loves you and He created you to be who you are-a woman who loves Jesus with all her heart and soul. You seem to be the light and salt of your entire family. I’m praying you will lead them all into the arms of Jesus. Let HIm refresh you each and every morning with HIs unfailing love. God Bless You.

    • 251.2
      L says:

      BLESS YOU & Gay!!!! I am crying that I am reading this & not my beautiful daughter who is SOOOOO in need of your wisdom, shared experience & knowledge, & strength!! I do wish there were a way I could have you talk to her before she goes to jail in Harris Co. next month for addiction created crimes at the young age of 20!!! God bless you!

  2. 252
    Pam Camby says:

    My Dad always had a major drinking problem all of my teenage years. My son’s Dad had a drinking problem and died of liver cancer several years ago. My son started drinking a couple of beers after work for several years. He is now drinking shots of vodka with a sip of water. He can drink a whole bottle of wine in a few hours. His wife is also drinking wine and vodka hid in a glass of coke. My grandchild is really concerned about her parents. I have tried talking to my son but he doesn’t think he has a problem. I have been praying constantly for him and my daughter-in-law. I do worry that his life will end early if he doesn’t stop soon. He also is a heavy smoker. I have had cancer twice and his Dad died from liver cancer.
    Please keep my son and his wife in your prayers.
    God Bless You Always and so encouraged that you won the battle which is SO difficult without God’s hand on you.

  3. 253
    Debbie G. from JAX, FL says:

    Thanks so much Gay for sharing your story – I can never manufacture hope on my own – but I always hear it, when listening to stories of recovering alcoholics/addicts. Over the years of my sobriety, I have been blessed to see so many miracles in the rooms of AA – my own included! You can’t get from where I was to where I am today without the mighty and healing power of God. I had my first drink at age 11 and my last at age 21 on May 25, 1982. I’ve done a lot of growing up in the rooms of AA and experienced a lot of “life on life’s terms” -including marriage, divorce, single parenting, remarriage and the death of my husband. No matter what, there is nothing that a drink is going to make better. You go, girlfriend! And keep coming back one day at a time. 🙂

  4. 254
    Sarah says:

    So thankful that you are sharing your story with us, Gay. I have been “touched” by God in so many ways through your story. I’ve needed a reminder of His Redemptive Love and His Power to Love me that way. Also, I’ve needed to be reminded that I do have a choice to cooperate with Him or not. To humble myself or to not. I so want to choose Him! Thanks for sharing, and can’t wait to hear more. 🙂 God Bless!

  5. 255
    Kathy Armstrong says:

    Oh, thank you, dear Sister in Christ- Blessings

  6. 256
    Carmen O. says:

    Rock on, Gay! Praise Jesus, whose mercy is new every morning! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  7. 257
    Rena Gunther says:

    Once again, I’m in awe of God’s grace. I see my family members who are NOT functioning well. I don’t know how long. WAY TOO LONG. There is a newborn baby involved and we have prayed, prayed, prayed. Over the holidays I felt compelled to draw some firm lines and move out of God’s way. That is not to say that I’ve turned my back on them. But I’m learning quickly that sometimes, “sometimes”, family will get in the way and if we are not careful, though it’s the last thing we would ever want, we may enable them.
    I trust HIM. He is so faithful and your testimony is encouraging.

  8. 258
    Dawn says:

    Thank you Gay for the courage and honesty required to bear your soul. Once we finally figure out that all the pain and struggle and handing over to God is FOR HIS GLORY, suddenly we can do no less than point to Him. Thank you dear sister, and thank you Beth for loving Gay so well in the waiting years. Always hopeful, never disloyal, knowing God would prevail. Praise Him.

  9. 259
    Mona says:

    Thank you again Gay for sharing your story. I must say that you have the gift of storytelling (must run in the family ;)) as I am totally drawn in. I can’t wait to read how God has worked it out for your good, and obviously, for the good of His kingdom. Your story gives me such hope for my loved ones as I am sure it has for so many others.

  10. 260
    julie Weis says:

    gay, your story so inspiring!! thank you for being so real and taking the risk of sharing it with us. i know you are touching many lives.
    can’t wait to read more of how the LORD has worked miracles in your life.

  11. 261
    Nichole H says:

    I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is beautiful.

  12. 262
    Laura says:

    Glory to God! Thank you for sharing so openly, and beautifully. Thank you for trusting an infinite God rather than your finite self and showing us how to do that as well!!!

    In Christ,
    Laura S

  13. 263
    Brenda says:

    Oh how I love this! I have been waiting on the next blog! Please write a book.

  14. 264
    Karen says:

    Reading the post….amazing….and just as amazing… see the name “Tut”… don’t see that name much at all. It’s my husbands name also. 🙂 Praise Him for redemption and recovery!!!

  15. 265
    Beth, Lake Jackson, TX says:

    Gay, I am so encouraged by you and what God has done in your life. Thank you for allowing God to use your time in the pit to help others. You are amazing and I already love you, dear sister!

  16. 266
    tone tone says:

    gaybella & little bethie:

    I am blown away by both of your stories, so far apart in space and time … yet, being used mightily by God all the same on the Kingdom calendar. The “gift of desperation”, you coined way back when in Pensacola, beth. Some of us surrender at the foot of the cross at the age of 18, some at the age of 55 … yet, God uses the power of the testimony against our accuser regardless of life stage. I continue to thank God every morning that He pursues me still to FINISH STRONG.

    You each inspire me, encourage me, exhort me, convict me and certainly help me discover more of God’s wisdom, humility, grace and faith. And, you continue to grace me with your love.

    I love you two with every fiber in me.


  17. 267
    stephanie solomon says:

    My name is Stephanie and I’m an addict. Gay, I know the intense, aweful pain of trying to crawl your way out of that very deep pit and as each day came and passed, that would be the day. I said that more times than I can count. Then one glorious day, God spoke and said, “This is finally the day!”God is so faithful, perfect and good. Thank you for your strength and courage to share. This story comes to me at a critical time in my sobriety. As I read your story, I feel as though I’m in the room with you. The room where we are free to be us, no shame in there-just love and Jesus himself. I heard once that God loves addicts because they would do anything to get their drug of choice.He delivers us so that we now love Him freely and will do everything and anything for Him.Gay, stay strong and most of all stay in the Word. I love you sweet sister in Christ.

  18. 268
    Destini says:

    I’m not sure I took a breath while reading both installments written by Gay. What a story! What a blessing! I am pretty much speechless. I believe in my heart that somehow, my life story would help others – I believe God, in some way, is preparing me for that. God Bless….

  19. 269
    Melissa Ford says:

    Thank you for continuing to share your story. Your honesty is a true sign of the major healing that has taken place in your heart. I love how you kept saying that you were just “waiting for God to take your desire to drink away…” and then later realized why He didn’t operate in that fashion and it sounds like you are grateful that He doesn’t. Please keep writing to us and sharing…it’s so nice to hear people be real.

  20. 270
    cindy says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Gay. The more people have the courage to be open, the less fear and stigma there will be attached.

    I have been proudly, joyously and gratefully, sober for over two years now. I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was going to die at one point. I could feel my body dying. It was only a matter of time.

    It wasn’t until I realized it was a spiritual warfare issue that I was able to put it down and walk away for good. I was born with many gifts and blessings. Many. I realized that if there was one thing, one way, that Satan could use to bring me down and destroy all the good in me, it was through addiction to alcohol. That one thing had the power to destroy me. I knew it. I felt it. Once I realized what I was dealing with I went to war. No way was I going to let Satan win. No way. My God is stronger than that. I am stronger than that.

    So, here I am, two+ years later with a beautiful, beautiful life that I could not have dreamed possible a short time ago. I speak to groups. I am open. I want people to know, that it is not something to be ashamed of. We all have our big “thing” we have to overcome. Mine was alcohol addiction and I WON with God’s help and God’s grace I am alive and thriving and I WON.

    And, I want women to know AA is not the only answer. If it is not a fit for you, look, reach, find what is. I found a women’s support group that saved my life. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to post contact information here, but I will leave it to whoever edits this to remove it if I am not supposed to do this. But, I found this group by chance in a newspaper column and I’m passing it on in the hope that it may save someone else’s life.

    Live is beautiful and wonderful and it can be so much more than it looks to be if you are in the black hole of addiction. You can turn it around.

  21. 271
    shelilah says:

    Still listening, Gay. Thanks for your forthrightness. I’m trying to find my way back to God and reading your testimony helps. Thanks.

  22. 272
    Lisa says:

    Have loved reading every word of your story. Have friends who are recovering alcoholics. Had “known” them for years, but never “knew” until they told me. Shared link to your story. Hoping it may somehow help friends and family who are still running away from recovery — either because they don’t believe they have a problem or they feel hopeless.

    Keep writing!

  23. 273
    diana says:

    thank you for sharing your story with such honesty.
    You are such a blessing to so many.

  24. 274

    I’m not sure what to say… I’m grateful for you being willing to tell us your story of redemption, Gay. I pray that your life, for the rest of your time here, would make the enemy incredibly sorry he ever messed with you…1 John 4:4

  25. 275

    I hope I’m like Diane. I’m hanging in there so far. I will have 18 months if I make it to February 20th. This is the longest I’ve ever been sober, but there’s a part of me that keeps saying, “Why bother. Who cares. Life sucks, just drink your way through it (or preferably, out of it!).” And there’s definitely a part of me that still LOVES it, even though I haven’t had a drop n more than 17 months! AA was a real problem for me. A lot of the groups here just talk about and laugh about all the crazy, stupid stuff they did, drinking, as if those were really their glory days. Now all they can do is sit in these rooms every day and talk about it. It seems that’s when they were really living! Not now. Half the time I left wanting to drink even more than I did when I went in. Lord knows, I don’t want “being an alcoholic” to become all I am like those people!!! When they weren’t talking about their drinking days they were swearing up a storm and telling dirty jokes or just sharing sickeningly true stories about such things that they had done. (Trying not to say it in a way that would cause my comment to not be allowed on the blog!) which coming from a porn addict family, didn’t really sit too well with me, either! And the profanity just made me extremely uncomfortable. I have a couple of online support groups that are closed groups so we can keep it safe. I had to be invited by yet another person with similar struggles. It’s not an addict’s group although there are plenty of other addicts in those groups. They picked up on other issues that caused me to be invited through things like twitter, facebook, and blogging. It’s definitely helped me though, and I’m sure I wouldn’t still be sober without them. Thankfully, my husband just got early promotion and we’re moving, so I’m hoping to be able to find some new and healthy face-to-face connections in Spokane, Washington!

    • 275.1
      debbie h says:

      Hang in there Shellie!!! Sister, you are not alone!

    • 275.2
      Rebekah says:

      17 Months is amazing well done! Its been 6 years for me and there has been a handful of “oh go on have one.. moments” But HONESTLY the joy that comes after with hindsight from not having done so. Just meditating on the freedom from the guilt and the shame of any wickedness you may commit whilst under the influence. Its enough to rejoice right now that you dear sister are no longer a slave to that master. Freedrom bought by the precious blood of Jesus Christ. hallelujah Amen. Peace be with you

    • 275.3
      Joan Page says:

      I am praying for you as you make your move to WA! May God bless you for your courage to maintain sobriety as you know that path will be the best and the healthiest for you and your precious family!
      James 1:17
      Romans 15:13

  26. 276
    Barb says:

    Wow….God….Wow….thank you for writing this down for me, us, to see. As my struggle with overeating/incorrect eating continues, it is encouraging to hear that God never lets go of us.

  27. 277
    Bridget (Strong Butterfly) says:

    Precious Gay – Siesta in the Lord, thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. It is so powerful to read of a conversion and redemption of Biblical proportions, I’m just weeping at my desk right now. And to already have someone impacted and led by you at 4 months of sobriety – so powerful and gracious of God! I weep too because I am one God plucked from the pit before my bare feet hit the concrete, and I need to share the power of my story too with others without fear.

    Bless you all for sharing!

  28. 278
    ashley e says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s amazing to hear what God has done and is doing in the lives of others. Even though I dont have the same problems as you, it gives me hope in realizing that our God is an Awesome God and is all powerful, no matter the problem. If only we will trust and obey.

  29. 279
    debbie h says:

    So proud of you Sister!! Hope to read more blogs from you! I personally go to Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery….it has made a BIG difference in my life!

  30. 280
    Amy C says:

    Thank you, Gay. It’s testimonies like yours that in essence, give the rest of us “permission,” if you will, to get real before the Lord. Kinda like, “If she can do it, so can I!” (Like He doesn’t know every single thing about us anyway, right?) Psalm 32. You are loved. We are family. ALL the glory to God in Heaven….He’s remaking us. We are NEW.

    Amy in Hawaii

  31. 281

    All I can saw is Wow and another wow. Gay, every time I see you I see a miracle. I remember how Beth shared so tenderly about her care for you during those dark days of your life in the drink. How on one occasion when you were in a bad place she was laying next to you reaching out to you. I wondered, “Will she ever be free?” It sounded almost like it was impossible, but when the news came that you were indeed free, I was thrilled. I walked away from the drink in May 27, 2009. Isn’t that interesting! The same year! Maybe it was the year for all drunks to come home! it’s amazing again for me to see you walking free.

  32. 282

    One thing I know has helped me regardless of how I feel, regardless of how tempted I could be with the drink. I tell myself, you are either drinking or not, period. And, when I see where the spinning wheel never ending, I don’t want to go there. I admit I don’t go to meetings! Maybe I am scared. Something, I might need to reconsider again. Though I’ve been sober since May 2009

  33. 283
    Stephanie L. says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, your life with us. It’s so good to know that God has no timelimit. He’s a persuer. He knew you’d have the most amazing testimony & you would change the lives of everyone you touch. Love that.

  34. 284
    crystal says:

    Words can’t say how grateful I am to you for sharing your story. I see myself so much in your life. Especially in the functioning years and the loss of tour Mother. That’s when my downward spiral began. I had my first sip of alcohol probably when I was about 3 my dad would let me sip his beers. I was abused sexually by a family friend for years. By the time I was 16so I was an alcoholic. I straightened up and tried to control after the birth of my child when I was in my 20’s. But still I drank every night and when my mother died I really went off the deep end. I’ve lost good friends, I’ve lost jobs I almost lost my life and my family. I turned 39 this month things have gotten better the last year or so but still as I sit here writing this I am drinking a beer. I’ve never really ever been able to stop for very long. the best I’ve been able to do is limit to just weekends now and no hard liquor unless im alone for the weekends. which doesn’t happen too often but I do plan when my husbands out of town and my kid has a sleep over I do tie on.a good one on those days. I don’t find much relief in AA groups the ones I’ve ever been to the people are all full of mess. I did enjoy a Celebrate Recovery group I attended when we lived in west Texas but since we have been in houston I haven’t been able to connect with another group like that. Anyway thank you again for sharing. It does give me some hope that maybe some day I will completely over come this hold alcohol has on me.

  35. 285
    Bonnie says:

    thankyou for opening up to us through this blog. My husband is an alcoholic, and we have been seperated at least 3 times. Over and over he say’s he’ll quit drinking, but always falls back into it. He won’t go to AA or Rehab, but says he can do it on his own. He professes to know Christ. I pray & pray for him, along with others. I thank you for this hope that I see through you. Christ will answer long awaited prayers.

  36. 286
    cindy says:

    Thank you Gay for your sharing your story.
    I have lived for the past few decades a functional alcoholic. A few years ago I knew God was telling me to be willing and obedient- TO STOP. I went to Celebrate Recovery for a bit, read a few books and kept on drinking. And have gotten worse. I have two small children and have been secretly drinking during the day. By the time my husband comes home the house is clean, meals are made and he never has known. Yesterday I was reading ( HW from the DAVID study)Exodus 34:5-7-
    5 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”
    As I was reading it my three year old was laying on my lap and I was scratching her back.

    Daily I have asked for forgiveness, daily I have spent much of my mental time thinking about drinking, daily I have drank.

    As I read this scripture this time, THIS TIME I UNDERSTOOD in my heart. I went to CR last night, confessed the truth of what I have been doing. I will not let the devil win. Both my daughters are adopted. Both are clearly blessing from the Lord. I will not let their lives be damaged by my intentional sin. NO MORE DRINKING! Lord, I ask for self control to turn only to you. Thank you that I am not alone and thank you that you have never given up on me.

  37. 287
    L says:

    The Functioning Years…. this is so me!

  38. 288
    Kirsty says:

    Hi Gay,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and share such a powerful testimony. I have a friend that tells me your tests become our testimonies. That is certainly true for you. I hope one day it will be true for me too.
    I am still walking through the test but trying to cling onto God and reading testimonies like yours just encourages me.
    Thank you.

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