Letting Go

Twenty-eight years ago, Keith and I were renting a home in the northwest part of Houston hoping to buy something we could raise our family in. Neither of us had sophisticated taste nor did we particularly trust those who did. I write those words with a grin. My grandmother never trusted people of means. She had endured the Great Depression and was just certain (inaccurately, of course) that anyone who lived this side of it with money most assuredly possessed ill-gotten gain. A permanent, living fixture in my home of origin throughout my childhood, you can imagine that my beloved grandmother, Minnie Ola Rountree, had a great influence on me and, bless God, in so many positive ways. She did, however, leave my thinking somewhat distorted regarding possessions. It has taken most of my adulthood to shake the bone-deep belief that having anything beyond the merest essentials roused the terrible displeasure of God. And, since we Westerners all have more than the merest essentials, I’ve spent much of my life confessing what I possessed as sinful (and, make no mistake, appropriately at times). Of course, there’s balance in all of that and few of us would argue that the prosperity gospel so prevalent among us in this era isn’t cause for earnest repentance.  But that’s a discussion for another time and another post and, come to think of it, one we have in fair depth in James: Mercy Triumphs.

In 1983, Keith and I were mostly a one-income family unless you call the pocket change I made teaching aerobics at my church a viable profession. My man was a residential plumber and a pretty new one at that. We had a four year-old and a one year-old that I utterly adored and so desired to stay home with that, prior to my hire at the church gym, I took on a paper route for a whole day. We very much liked the house we were renting but it wasn’t for sale. One day driving around a suburban neighborhood, we passed a French Provincial up for sale that nearly put us in a spell. It was beyond our means and well beyond our personalities. Still, we were mesmerized. Keith said, “Baby, I can get this house for you but only by the skin of my teeth. We won’t be able to buy a single new piece of furniture for it. Are you good with that?” I promised that I was and we put money down on it. We were beside ourselves. A few weeks later, just before we were to close on it, Keith walked in our rent house and sat me down at our kitchen table. “Honey, I withdrew our offer on the house.”

“What?? But we put money down on it!”

“Yep, we did. Money we couldn’t spare and won’t get back but we’d have had to spend nearly that same amount of money every single month on a house payment. It’s beyond us. It’s not our house.”

I cried for about 45 seconds and then was so relieved I could have done a freedom dance. I knew he was right and I was pained but so very thankful he pulled the plug. A number of months later as the bottom dropped out of the oil industry, leaving Houston in one of the biggest buyer’s markets of its history, we came upon a house going into foreclosure. It was still a lot for us to spend but we bought it.

And lived in it, fought in it, made up in it, prayed in it, swore in it, ate in it, sobbed in it, laughed in it and tucked children into bed in it for the next 27 years. We were deliriously happy in it. We were woefully miserable in it. You don’t live that long anywhere just one way. Long life happened there, meaning that those walls saw all manner of good, bad, and really ugly. But it snuggled us and hid us and harbored us for nearly thirty years. I hung my children’s baby pictures on those walls, then their school pictures with no front teeth. Then pictures with mouths full of braces, then pictures in their volleyball uniforms, then, be still my heart, their wedding portraits. Then I hung frames on those brittle walls with grandbabies’ pictures captured within.

For years I planted petunias in the flowerbeds in late Spring and, when I needed an emotional outlet, pulled up weeds with a fiery vengeance. Keith or I one dragged big ugly trashcans to the end of the driveway every Monday and Thursday then back to the garage when they were empty.

I parked a brown and beige station wagon on the broken concrete beside that house when we moved in and didn’t replace it until the wheels and doors threatened to come off.

And I loved it. It was home. As one who has nursed a lifelong aversion to change, I declared over and over again that I would never leave that house and that, when I died, Keith would have to dig a hole in the small back yard and bury me in it. At that very front curb, I waited for the school bus to pick up my girls in the morning and bring them home in the afternoon. At that very curb, my daughters’ boyfriends drove up to get them and a few hours later kissed them goodnight with me peeking through the mini-blinds. At that very curb, the postman dropped decades of utility bills – many overdue – and credit card bills that Keith Moore insisted we pay off in full every month no matter how little we had left. And now I’m so glad but then it seemed a tad restrictive for a mom who loved to take her girls to the mall.

That same house could tell terrible tales on me. Oh, what grace God has lavished on us. What mercy and forgiveness! But, amid the roller coaster that has always been Keith and me, and the tears and regrets, oh my word, the prayers that have been prayed in that house are too many to estimate. And certainly not just my own. Many of my girlfriends remember the years when we had monthly prayer breakfasts in that simple home. We’d all meet first in the den where I’d share a devotional then we’d break up in small groups and invade every room in the house and intercede for our loved ones and pray for our own needy hearts, all too often crushed by this or that hurt. I am convinced down to my marrow that God used prayer to spare my marriage and family. Keith believes it, too. I was a wreck in so many ways – still am in certain respects – but Jesus had convinced me early on in my adulthood that I’d have to have Him to survive with any sanity or life satisfaction. Any victim of early childhood abuse at the hand of a trusted family member will either have copious doses of Jesus or defeat. Plain and simple. No gray for folks like me.

I held stacks of journals in my lap two weeks ago and flipped through some of them and found a number of entries so painful that I could not even read them. I tore out numerous pages and wept before the Lord and thanked Him for His faithfulness and repented again, but wouldn’t have needed to, for such waves of stupidity and faithlessness. I also reminded myself to buy a shredder. Grin. Tucked into many of those journals were pages that also made me smile. Sometimes even laugh out loud. And then I’d cry again for the pure joy of Him.

Jesus has carried me in His own two everlasting arms. Me. Keith Moore. Amanda Moore Jones. Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick. He has carried us and His rock-solid biceps often took the form of brick, mortar and wood there on Blazey Drive in Houston, Texas. We’d think we’d come against something we couldn’t overcome, then He’d scoop us up and carry us kicking and screaming to the next season. Not fast enough to suit us, mind you, but eventually. Keith and I would look up and another year had come and gone and we were still married. Only once can I remember us coming to an anniversary where we did not so much as speak. And it was such a short time ago that you’d find it shocking. But, once again, Jesus took a needle and thread and sewed us loop by painful loop back together again. We’re so glad He did.

Then three years ago, I asked Keith if I could tell him something just once and he’d never remind me of it again because I was sure I’d change my mind. He said yes but he lied and we both knew it.

“I might someday consider moving.”

Keith’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he grinned ear to ear. He’d wanted to get off that busy highway near us for years.

“I said I might. But probably not.”

There were a number of things that brought me to that willingness. Keith had retired from the plumbing business and the ministry had moved to the very north edge of Houston. Our house was no longer close to our places of work. Our center had shifted. The biggest thing that changed was something unexplainable and almost irrational that finally just unraveled. The less sappy of you will need to skip to the next paragraph. Or maybe just end your reading right here. Goodness knows it’s gone on long enough. For those of you enduring this epitaph, I had this thing deep inside of me that insisted we stay in the same house so that the boy we’d had for seven years could find his way home and we’d all live happily ever after and all that confusion would be explained. Please understand that I knew it was unrealistic at the time but I couldn’t shake the idealism that it had to all work out some way – my way – and that we’d have to get a second chance so we could do a better job.

I’m so happy to tell you that I am in touch with that young man. He is darling just like he was the first time I laid eyes on him. But the fog began to clear several years ago and I was finally able to accept that the picture I had in my head was pretend. It was from a storybook etched in the mind of a romantic. Not real life. He was an adult and God had different plans for him and for us. Plans that I have to believe are for the good. We see him on occasion and I’m so thankful for the open door but we seem not to be meant to reestablish those same exact bonds.

Keith took that one tiny confession – “I might someday consider moving” – and jumped on it with both size 13 wides. It would be several years before we’d get his parents settled in the country and make arrangements to join them.

On December 14th – just 12 days ago – a moving van pulled up to my house of 27 years. Amanda, Annabeth, Melissa and I watched them empty those busy, busy rooms one box at a time. By the time that abode was back to the hollow shell we’d seen all those years ago when we first walked through it, Amanda had gone home to pick up Jackson from school and only Melissa and I were left. It was the breakfast room that got us. We stared at the spot where our dining table used to be and both burst into tears. Then each of us (crying audibly, mind you) went around the house and closed the shutters one by one and then we turned out the lights. Melissa walked on out the front door and I lagged behind for just a moment and got on that floor one last time. Face down. For the 15 thousandth time.

And I thanked God.

He did not abandon us there. Not for one minute.

We are happy out here in the country. This morning two deer were in our back yard…and lived to boast about it. Keith has promised not to kill anything here but roaches and rodents and I intend to hold him to it even though we did find wild hog tracks not far from our front door. That husband of mine has labored with all his might for months on end to make this a home for his wife. He is not a man who finds it easy to express his love with words. He expresses his love through works. And I receive this new season of our lives together with joy and with tears drying. But the thing is, I didn’t want to rush right in and start jabbering to you about the new. Not until I paid proper tribute to the old. It wouldn’t have been fitting. It deserves the dignity of a decent good-bye. It cradled a half-crazy family for nearly thirty years like it was happy to have us. Thank you for offering me the space and patience to pen so long a so long. I needed it in the worst way.

By the way, I’ve already told Keith that this is the last time I’m ever moving and that he might as well dig his boots in this dirt. After all, I’m no math-wizard, but in 27 more years I’ll be, let’s see, 81 years old. That is, if the Lord has withheld me a glimpse of His face.

And I’ll let you know how I feel about moving then.

By way of benediction, and just in case somebody’s heart needs to hear it, this place doesn’t completely do it for me any more than the one I drove away from on December 14th. One of my new appliances is already broken and the dogs get ticks out here. It’s so wonderful out in these sticks but it’s a long shot from perfect. I have a longing for something I still haven’t found. My guess is that you do, too.

 

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.

 

Hebrews 11:13-16

 

 

 

Share

429 Responses to “Letting Go”

If you'd like your own pic by your comment, go to Gravatar.com. Click the first button "Get your gravatar today ->", and it will walk you through a simple process to select a picture.

Comments:

  1. 351
    Allison Hancock says:

    Beth,
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us! The Lord has truly blessed you, Keith, and the girls and I know will continue to do so. After moving from Houston to Connecticut 12 years ago for my husbands job, the Lord is doing something in our lives too but don’t know what quite yet. After 12 years my husband was laid off on December 15 from his job here in Connecticut.We are both at peace and trusting the Lord. His plans are always perfect and we have to have faith to trust Him and believe. I am ready to move if that is what the Lord has for us. I so want to back down south. If you have time, I would appreciate the prayers for our family! Have a wonderful New Year in your new home!!

  2. 352
    Tanya says:

    Janet,
    I read your comment yesterday and have been thinking about it…a lot. There are several aspects which have struck me.

    First of all, you mentioned that the Moore’s should have downsized. To me, this is assuming that their new home is bigger than their previous one. I do not remember reading that in the post in any way. The only thing I deduced is that they have more land than they did previously. I think that’s wonderful, they can use it for God’s glory! Who knows what the LORD will use it for through them?

    Secondly, you say that this move was written about in order to teach others by it. You are right! I have read many more of the comments made and most everyone can relate to her feelings of leaving a house of 28 years and the memories it holds. Some of the people had to move out of necessity, some have been kept from moving by the Lord, and some, like the Moore’s, have moved out of a desire for something new.

    We are all the same in our innermost being. Why? Because we ALL have One Creator. How does that relate to sharing about a move? You might ask. It relates because it is LIFE. And if they are going through this, then there is highly likely that someone else is too. We were not meant to live alone. We are to be transparent. Authentic.

    Thirdly, you question Beth’s honesty, it seems, because the comments are all positive and thus paints a rosy picture of her. After reading her post, I felt better about some of the things our home’s walls have seen and heard. You see, we’re ALL imperfect. That’s why we need Jesus so badly. His life. His death. His resurrection. His ascension. And His sending of the Holy Spirit. Hallelujah! We are not stuck in our sins (as Paul says in Romans).

    We are to encourage each other and lift each other up. It is the Word of God that will divide our soul and spirit. The Word will “judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12-13) It is not up to us to determine the motives of others. I have to think that much prayer was offered up to the Lord regarding the Moore’s decision to move.

    Finally, you say the following, “I just felt you were leading people down the path of materialism.” My husband and I have been following Dave Ramsey’s plan to financial peace by going through the steps outlined in his book, The Total Money Makeover for 5 full years now. The transformation in our lives has been amazing!

    One thing he reminds us of is that money itself is not evil, it’s what we do with it that determines whether it’s evil. 1 Timothy 6:10 says this, “For the LOVE of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

    I do not think that God is against having nice things. Do you? After all, He is the One who gave us all that we see and don’t see. What matters is the PLACE those things are given in our lives. Matthew 6:21 says “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

    Yesterday one of my flip calendars had the following, “May the Lord continually bless you with heaven’s blessings as well as with human joys.” (Psalm 128:5 TLB) It sounds to me as if Beth has already had an unhealthy view of possessions in her life. It seems to have taken a long time for her to get more of a healthy perspective on such things. Shouldn’t we be praising the Lord for that?

    I do not often comment on the blog posts, or other people’s posts for that matter. I post on the 1st and 15th and read the blog posts and some of the comments. However, the more I thought about what you wrote, I felt moved to reply to your comment. Why? Because the accusations you made against Beth kept coming to mind.

    I, myself, know that one negative comment will replay in my mind over 100 positive comments I may receive on some aspect of my life. I go over and over the comment, comparing them to my words and actions, and asking the Lord to show me where I “went wrong.” I AM learning to trust the LORD. And to look to Him for my security and worth. I need to fear the LORD, not man.

    I took the Bible study, “When Godly People do Ungodly Things” in the fall of 2007. It was the first time I had even taken a real Bible study. It was the first time I had ever seen someone speak about the Lord in the way Beth did. Her love for Him was apparent. As I looked around the room, no one else considered it out of the ordinary that she was speaking of Him in that way. This, too, was new to me. No one was criticizing her or suggesting that she was “phoney.”

    It was during that study that I determined that I wanted to love the Lord as she did. I wanted to have the same passion for Him. I wanted to KNOW Him and His Word in the way she did! Thank you, Beth, for being transparent. For weaving your life into each of your books, studies, and blog posts.

    I sometimes yearn for that “perfect life.” But that will come, some day. Right now we’re living on messy planet earth. But God has given us this earth. We’re to take care of it, but NOT worship it. We are to worship the Creator, not the creation. Romans 1:25 says, “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator – Who is forever praised. Amen.”

    May we all keep our minds, hearts, and souls focused in the right direction, on the Lord Himself. May we look inward and allow His Word to judge our hearts. May we pray and bring things to the Lord that we see in others, asking Him to show us what’s inside of us first. May we use His Word to encourage those around us, admonishing when necessary, but always in love and after prayer.

    “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16, NIV

    Thank you Living Proof Ministries. May the start of 2012 be blessed for you and your families!

  3. 353
    traci says:

    I’m so happy for you Beth 🙂 thanks for sharing your heart with us.
    Your words are always a gift~ love you!

  4. 354
    Dana says:

    I just have to say that I thank God for you, Beth Moore, and I thank God that He has blessed you with much because He blesses those who can use it wisely. I just finished the James study and know how you wrestle with the material blessings God has given you. I know you enjoy giving more than receiving. I have done all of your studies and feel like we’re best friends and sisters in Christ. I thank God after each and every study that God gave you the courage to answer His call on your life because I feel closer to the LORD after each study. I delight in getting up early and spending time with Him and love it when a new study comes out because I know He and I will have a wonderful time growing closer. I just pray that when you receive negative comments that you give them to God and trust Him to guide you through it. I feel like because we’re friends and sisters in Christ I just had to say these things. I feel protective because we are family.

    I did not want the James study to end. It was incredible. I went to Level 4 in the beginning but this week after seeing the memory work you completed that I am pushing myself to do the same thing. It’s gonna take til Jesus comes back but you have encouraged me to do this thing.

    I am thrilled that God has also brought your daughters alongside you. I love that Amanda is a Pastor’s Wife and is raising two young children, and I love that Melissa does such extensive research and has such a thirst to know Him more and share what she’s learning with us! The next generation is being raised up and I’m grateful because I have a 24-year old daughter that I know she will have these studies from the younger generation to grow up in the LORD with as well.

    I know that 2012 is going to be a great year for all the siestas and for Living Proof Ministries!

    God Bless You,

  5. 355
    Stacey says:

    Thanks so much for sharing. This is a great example of loving God wherever you are.

  6. 356
    Kathy says:

    So enjoyed your post Beth. Thank you for sharing your heart once again. What comes to my mind are the new owners of your prior home…will they have any idea how many prayers were shared, tears cried before God? I pray that if they don’t know Jesus, that just being in their new home, the Holy Spirit will stir within them a desire to know Jesus, if they don’t already.

    You’re a trooper Beth! It will be intriguing to see what God does in this next season with you and Keith. You’ve given him a tremendous gift in moving out to the country. I believe our Father will bless you bigtime for doing that.

    INDEED, HAPPY NEW YEAR BETH!!

  7. 357
    Shalom, Dixie says:

    I bought some new furniture when we began to have grandchildren….spent more than I normally would….I told myself and husband that I wanted all my grandchildren to remember the exact same home for their grammy and gramps…..I now have 4 precious grandsons and we are building memories and a new generation. Our home has seen a far share of conflict and joy, repentance and Bible Study too….thankful for the shelter of home and the faithfullness of God.

  8. 358
    Sandra says:

    In 2007, we were uprooted from our Lafayette home to my small hometown in North Louisiana to care for my aging parents. (I am typing this from my mom’s hospital room.) We tried to live with my dad and struggled with three very different generations in one home. We bought a nice house & moved in. Shortly after, Dad was diagnosed with dementia and needed 24hr care of a nursing home. Then, our home of less than one year was destroyed by Hurricane Gustav in 2008. We moved back into Dad’s tiny house while awaiting a settlement from FEMA. (Still waiting) With all the displacement and struggle, God has taught me to be grateful for the roof over my head, no matter what size/circumstance. He has created in me a dissatisfaction with the things of this world and a longing for the permanent, perfect home created by His hand with my name stamped on it. But for now I will thank Him for His provision & protection; His grace and mercy. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

  9. 359
    Nicole says:

    The closing of your post made me think of the song I was singing to my son last night at bedtime.
    “Beulah Land, I’m longing for you
    and some day on thee I’ll stand.
    There my home shall be eternal.
    Beulah Land — Sweet Beulah Land

    Enjoy your new home but continue to long for Beulah Land!!!

  10. 360

    Sweet Beth, if only you knew as much about me as I know of you. Our lives are so paralleled. Phil (my hero husband)and I will celebrate 35 years together February 12th and our 3 daughters have blessed us with 7 beautiful grandchildren. We like you raised our little girls into women in a very modest home for 28 years before moving just 7 years ago. We called our little home “the house where love lives”. Like you I swore we would never leave joking when I became old and forgetful I would by habit find everything in it’s place.
    As I read you blog I felt the emotions once again when we found just the house to grow old in. I love our new home and it has a beautiful view where we open our eyes every morning to Gods’ water color effects in the sky. But there is such a special place in our memories for the little house where love lives.
    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and what God has done for you and your family. We have met but you do not remember. How I long to one day sit with you and chat as sisters in Christ. I know we would laugh til we cried and cried til we could not focus and pray up a big storm.
    Thanks for all that you do my friend.
    sister in Christ.
    Barbara Holloway Canton Ga.

  11. 361
    Carolyn says:

    Beth,
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us once again. I needed to hear that. We sold our dream home nine years ago because of my husband’s declining business and have not yet purchased another home. The thing that hit me when I read your post is that God has not abandoned us either, in any rental house we’ve called home, and He has been faithful to us, and carried us through each season. It’s all about Him. Also let me say Happy Anniversay to you. It’s easy for me to remember your anniversary because I was married exactly one week after you. My husband and I will celebrate 33 years on January 6th. I love what you said once about marriage, sometimes you just made it through another night and before you knew it another year had passed and you were glad it had. You’ve taught me to persevere and truly believe God. I am choosing this season in my life to believe His intentions toward me are for good. God loves you Beth. You tell us all the time, but you should hear it too.

  12. 362
    Anne says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this–you have had a lot of changes this year, and that can be daunting! My husband is a pastor, and we have lived in a variety of church parsonages throughout our married life. Never owned our own home, and as much as it pains me to admit it, perhaps never will. However, wherever we go, all that is precious to us goes with us. Our family first, of course, but other things too–photos, pets, hand-me-down furniture with accompanying stories, etc. But most of all, I’ve noticed that moving to a new home–which we know from the outset will not be a “forever” home for us– reminds me that God is the true permanent fixture in my life, not mortar or walls or “stuff”. Moving has been a huge blessing for me, because I desperately need that reminder! I wish you all the best in your new home! God bless!

  13. 363
    Shelly says:

    Thanks for sharing, Beth! We have moved several times, but I long for a place we can grow roots in. I think we are in the wrong profession for that, so I’ll move and be content with what God has for us!

  14. 364
    Carol says:

    This sharing has brought tears…not just for the sweet, sensitive way you’ve written but much more for the faith you declare. God speaks to & seeks us in so many ways. We are His channels, and this morning I once again thank Him for using you to speak to me. Thank you for being so “there” with us.

  15. 365
    LORI says:

    After 26 years in our home, we are considering a move. Our adult children are firmly against it. They cannot bear coming home to some other house than this. I know how they feel, my childhood home, the only one I ever lived in until my marriage, was sold as well. Funny, I still wish I could go back to that house when I go home…..

  16. 366
    sherry says:

    I was just thinking, you’ve had some big changes this year: new church adventure; new home and move journey; new minsitry forays…wow! that’s a lot…even if it’s all good- it’s a lot! Praying Psalm 65:11 “You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.” for you and all the Siestas…that we would enjoy HIS bounty for us because surely it’s better than what we would choose! And, that we would let Him overflow our carts with HIS abundance…so whatever 2012 brings, we know and believe it is from HIM and HE does it right!
    Love ya Sisesta-Mama and Sistas!

  17. 367
    Michele Hendrix says:

    This is beauty-full and you are beauty-full, but I think the most beauty-full thing that you said and that has occurred in all of this is the realization you had about your plans versus God’s plans- what freedom! what love! What an encouragement you are to all of us!!!

  18. 368
    fuzzytop says:

    Janet – Not sure what you are upset and disappointed about. Your original “negative” comment is posted. And I don’t see how a move to a different home consitutes materialism….

    Adrienne

  19. 369
    Sparki2003 says:

    Hi Miss Beth,

    Wow, this is quite a “leap of faith” for you, isn’t it ? God alone knew the “right” timing for it, didn’t He ?

    May He bless your new home, and may He bless the family who will one day move into your former home !

    In Christ’s Love,

    Jennifer

  20. 370

    Our lives so frequently run on parallel tracks! I love how God uses you to minister to me in that way. On THE DAY that I was reading your post, we were driving to a little town in Wisconsin to close on our sweet, old farm. This will carry us from now through retirement and we can’t wait to fill it with grandkids and memories. Our roots don’t go as deep as yours because ministry has moved us through 7 homes, but the memories of His faithfulness are just as sweet. Blessings to you and Keith as you have the privilege of seeing His goodness in the creation all around you. There’s just nothing like country living.

  21. 371
    Diginee says:

    Have mercy Beth, I am crying like a baby over this post! Don’t really know why —- wow.

  22. 372
    ohlookaduck says:

    It took me several tries to get through this post with all the tears. You have helped me fall in love with God so much I can barely stand it and I want all the best for you in return.
    Blessings for 2012!
    Karen

    • 372.1
      Beth says:

      You are precious to me, Karen. All has been grace. I would live my whole life in a pit without Christ’s constant work on my heart. Blessings to you too!

  23. 373
    Marie says:

    Oh, man… What a heart-tugger! I told my husband when we moved into this, our first house, that I was never going to move again, so I completely understand how you feel, Siesta Mamma. May you blessed in this new house and new chapter of life!

  24. 374
    karina allen says:

    The tears flow everytime I read this post…I can imagine in some ways what all of this feels like. I am 31. I lived in New Orleans until came to Baton Rouge for college in 1998. Although I hadn’t lived there for years, the house I grew up in was completely flood by Hurricane Katrina. There was no possibility of going back even if I wanted to. I have been in Batton Rouge since ’98 and have moved alot. One year I had to move 3 times!!! How I long for a family and some sense of consistency. I hope one day I can look back and see history and legacy and God’s grace in one place like you can. Can’t wait to hear all of the new memories awaiting you in this new season!!! I love you Mama Beth!

  25. 375
    Dionna says:

    I am so happy for you. For your fresh start somewhere. And I can only imagine the sentimentality you have for a home that God has used to bless and grow you and your family in so many ways. I know what it feels like to hold on tightly to something and then change and be ready to let it go. For me, when I held on, I think God wanted me to loosen my grip and now that I’m ready to let go and can barely wait for the “new” – God seems to be telling me to “stay” a bit longer. It’s all growth. 🙂

  26. 376
    Fran McCurry Plott says:

    I just loved this epitaph, Beth. The best thing about it is I could just “fill in the blanks” where the names are with mine and my family’s, and pretty much have my story.
    Letting go of our family home of 70 years in 2011 had its own bittersweet feelings of clinging to the past and moving forward with the present.

    And thank you so much for letting us in on your and your family’s ups and downs…thus making mine seem normal! It is so much easier to ask for and receive forgiveness when I realize that this is just part of living together with loved ones. A newlywed at 60, I am in a place to greatly benefit from your experience and wisdom!

  27. 377
    Dean says:

    Beth,
    You have such a way with words. God has so blessed you with the gift of writing with true expression. I felt as if I was talking the last walk through your home. I have oftened thanked God for you and prompting you to write this blog and many studies. Your way of explaining or telling about God’s Word I so get and it makes sense to me. So, thank you for being obedient in what God has called you to do.

  28. 378
    Eileen says:

    Thank you Beth for sharing your soul 🙂 I too, cried tears reading your “story” and it means so much to all of us! Jesus brought me to your blog for a reason, to tender my heart, look at all the love, and know that He is Love!!

  29. 379
    Groovewoman says:

    Where did my post go? Wed night.

    • 379.1
      Beth says:

      The system malfunctioned at one point and I hope so much it did not eat up your post, Sister, but if you don’t find it, that’s what I fear happened. Keep looking though!

      • Groovewoman says:

        I think the comment is lost for good, along with the last four verses of SSMT that I posted the same night. LOL – gotta love technology! 😉
        Oh well, I’ll just have to recreate the comment… hoping I can remember what I put. hahaha!!

  30. 380
    Mary says:

    Beth: I shed a few tears as I meandered through your blog. I wanted to say one other tidbit to bless your soul as I sit here astounded at God’s work! I teach 3rd grade at a Christian School here in southeast PA. We rotate who leads Chapel, and my class is up this Tuesday morning. Our class song is By Faith. For Chapel, my kids will be reading various Scriptures that are found in the song. I love to read The Bible, but I do love very theologically sound songs, too! I knew there was a passage of Scripture where God speaks of the City HE has built, but search and read all I could, I couldn’t find THE ONE I knew I wanted to use. So, I’m sitting here having my kids in bed, and thought I’d check out your blog. I’m not a regular; I might read entries for 3 months in one fell swoop!! At the conclusion of your Letting Go entry, you posted THE SCRIPTURE I KNEW was in The Bible. I had just forgotten where it was!!!!!! I am so awed by God’s care and attention to detail. I love to relate stories like this to my class, too, so you better believe they’ll be hearing about this tomorrow! (Last time this happened was when we had memorized John 1:1-9 and in my church, just prior to Christmas, THAT VERY PASSAGE was one we read together as a Body of Believers!! I told my students, “So I don’t make you memorize things just for the sake of memorizing, but because other folks think these certain passages are significant, too!) So, God bless you and hold you close this New Year in your new house. Amazed at God’s Hand–MARY!

  31. 381
    Lisa says:

    Beth,
    I was totally floored by this post. I cried..I just bought a home recently. I’m just beginning my journey.Thank you for your honesty. It is really refreshing. May God continue to use you in your ministry.

  32. 382
    Michelle Hill says:

    You brought tears to my eyes. It amazes me how much you and I are so alike every time I hear your heart.

  33. 383

    Beth, you are going to love living in the country … and so proud for you. When my cousin moved out, same for me years ago, the hardest part was adjusting to the size of the grasshoppers! (Texas) They were so large when we lived in Wichita Falls, that you wouldn’t think of stepping on them … I just know it would say, “Get off!” Trying to sell our home now and move out to a rural/country area again. Sell home, sell!! So much love to you. Enjoy!

  34. 384
    Sharon Keeble says:

    Beth,
    My Sister,and her Daughter Staci and myself attended your Conference in Pensacola,Fl and what a blessing I received. I have been searching and praying for peace and forgiveness from God. My husband of 25 years left me 3 years ago for another woman. We built a business together in Houston,Tx., and built our second home in the Texas Hill Country. I now live here alone.My prayer for forgiveness is to be able to forgive Leon so that I can move on with my life.Has not been easy for me but I continue to pray.

  35. 385
    Penny says:

    Dear Beth, I am wobbly after reading your account of leaving your home. I know how you do it Beth. It’s Jesus. When I read accounts of your life…your vulnerability…it just slays my heart and I’m left numb for a while. It’s like your words go right to my heart and every aspects of my nervous system:)….My heart goes out to you. AND I thank God for all that He has done and is doing for you and your family. With love…a fellow sister on the journey ~ penny

  36. 386
    JULIANNE REGAN says:

    DEAR BETH I AM SURE GAINING A LOT OF KNOWLEDGE THROUGH THIS STUDY THAT WE ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. EACH WEEK IT SEEMS THAT I LEARN SOMETHING NEW ABOUT JAMES THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW BEFORE. YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD TEACHER. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAYS TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME SO THAT I CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY THROUGH THE WORDS ON THE PAGE. I HAVE GAINED SO MUCH INFORMATION THAT IT HELPS ME TO UNDERSTAND THE BIBLE ON A DEEPER LEVEL THAN BEFORE. I SURE HOPE THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO COME AND SEE YOU IN PERSON THE NEXT TIME THAT YOU COME TO CALIFORNIA. I MISSED YOU THE LAST TIME YOU CAME.

  37. 387
    Kristi Horton says:

    Hi Beth,
    This is Kristi Horton(Jenn’s friend) who ran into you at Laurie’s the other day. It’s a blessing to have you up this way!(I live in the Woodlands) I’m sure ya’ll will make so many great memories in your new home with your grandkids (my kids LOVE going to visit my parents, with horses across the street and a big field in the backyard.) When I saw you the other day, we talked of Starbucks, mutual friends, and moving. I didn’t get to tell you what I really wanted to say…which is Thank you!! Thank you for your passion for Christ and for so deeply desiring that you sisters in Christ know Him in a more real way than ever before. I have done so much digging in the word with you in the past years. I have studied the spiritual soap opera of the patriarchs and found that our faithful God has such a plan for even the craziest twists and turns in our lives; been in awe of our awesome, victorious God as I studied Revelations; learned history and propehcy in the Daniel one (Daniel One…carried of to Babylon;); and grown to love so many awesome men and women of the Bible with you…Paul, John, Esther, and David to name a few! Thank you for “going there”…for teaching us the hard stuff, the tough stuff(where I am squirming in my seat because it feels too close to home), and the really funny stories. One of my favorite sayings of yours has to be “I’m blonder than I pay to be.” I don’t pay to be blonde, and it shows all the time;) When we moved to Houston, I always hoped I would meet you. I just kinda figured it would be in a Mexican restaurant, though;)!
    Many Blessings to you!! Love, Kristi Horton

  38. 388
    Marty says:

    I haven’t ever commented here before but wanted you to know I so understand. We have 3 adopted siblings and 2 biological ones. Our story with our oldest adopted daughter has included Residential Treatment for se*ual abuse, Reactive Attachment Disorder, PTSD, among others. We haven’t talked to her in 4 years. She made false allegations against us as a teenager and broke our hearts. We have her 2 younger siblings and still struggle with life every day. But through it all God is good. My husband is finishing his degree to be a worship pastor. My bio daughter recently married a worship pastor. My bio son is in seminary. But there are still holes in my heart, regrets, fears, and yet, still hope. God used your words about your son many years ago to prepare our hearts for the journey of these last 12 years. Thank you so much for letting me see God reflected in your journey.

  39. 389
    April Lopez says:

    Ladies,

    I am asking that you please for the Pacific Northwest region. We have had snow all week a lot of power outages of roughly 200,000 houses without power. Please pray for safe travels for not just myself but anyone else who is trying to make their way down to Houston, Texas! Your prayers are gratefully appreciated! Hope to see you all soon! I am so excited to see everyone!

    Your sister in Christ,

    April Lopez
    Bonney Lake, Washington

  40. 390
    Kelly says:

    Beth, What a wonderful story! It brings tears to my eyes! My husband Keith & I built the house we are living in just before our wedding 19 years ago…it was his wedding gift to me! We wrote our initials in its foundation and are now raising our family here! I can’t imagine how hard it would be to leave (packing alone scares me!!!). I pray you & Keith have a long & happy life in your new home!!! Oh 1 last thing… Were you able to sell your house with the permanent marker from your Daniel study on the floor!!! Blessings to you!

  41. 391
    Karenk says:

    Thank you so much for sharing the depth of your heart as you close one door and open another.
    The Lord is sufficient to meet all our needs In Christ Jesus!

    Be Still and Know that He is God

  42. 392
    Sharie Shupp says:

    I can sooooo relate to leaving a house and neighborhood of 21 years full of memories….but after we moved I realized all those memories moved with us (and I didn’t even have to pack them in a box)! And I LOVE our new home and neighborhood.

    Your post brought back memories of almost 10 years ago when we moved. My how time does fly by….

  43. 393
    Jamie says:

    I just had to find this post. I must have missed it when you posted it. Made me teary.

  44. 394
    Jean Clark says:

    Doing your James Bible Study here in Quincy, WA.
    Your grandmother’s name was Minnie Ola Rountree, and she was born in 1886 in Arkansas. My grandmother was Nettie Rountree Deveny, and she was born March 17, 1886, and grew up in Arkansas! My early memories of loving grandparents are in Austin and Abilene, TX.
    My aunt who created our family genealogy book has died, so I can’t reference her knowledge, but, as I have time, I hope to research a little bit about our grandmothers’ possible connection.
    Your Bible lessons are a call to study and to change.
    Hugs and thanks,
    Jean Clark xo

  45. 395
    Julie Smay says:

    Thankyou for sharing your heart. I consider you in many ways my spiritual Mama. My girlfriends and I have done many of your studies, and softened joke that we can’t wait to hangout with you in heaven. I’ve come to realize I will never be ‘home’ till I’m with Jesus in heaven or on the new eart. It was very healing to get why I never feel completely settled, I long for what I was created for. I really appreciated tjis blog entry.

    Breaking free helped changed my life, and pointed me toward freedom I never understood. I had longed to do it with with my dad’s side f the family since doing it myself in ’01. but couldn’t foresee it. We are Moore’s also. When my Rock solid, Jesus lovin grandmother died Jesus took me back in my memory. I pieced things together, and started asking questions. Much abuse and dysfunction came to light. I was able to gather a few cousins, my. Aunt, brother, and God did his thing. I loved that he was healing the Moore family. with a Moore. Thankyou.
    Also want to mention God used you again to help facilitate the healing/greiving procesd for me, and my sweet best friend who was unexpectedly widowed at 39, with 3 small children, one with special needs.
    can’t go to far into it, or Ill get to crying all over my phones. :). I was at a complete.
    loss, and just begged God to show me how to support her, and get us through the first few months alive. Here and Now was the answer. I got. We started almost immediately, and met every Thursday, it provided the hope we needed. We will sit at the same table again with our precious. David, Christ and you, at the wedding supper of the lamb.
    Thank you friend for your openness, authenticity, obedience. After we finished, we had such a hunger to know more about heaven. or the new earth, we began, and are still doing the Heaven study by Randy Alcorn. 8 months in, its beginning to sink in that out time with our Godly example, leader, husband and friend is on hold for now, but in the twinkling of an eye….You were healing ointment. to a an aching, open wound. May God continue to bless and use you. Thanks for fighting to break free, there ate so many women that needed, and continue to need your love for Jesus, sense of humor. and dowm to earthmess(even though that’s not a word )

  46. 396
    Gramm says:

    It is actually a nice and handy little bit of details. Now i’m happy for you to contributed this useful information and facts here. Please stop us well informed like this. Many thanks for discussing.

Leave a Reply

To receive a daily digest of comments on this post, enter your email address below: