Twenty-eight years ago, Keith and I were renting a home in the northwest part of Houston hoping to buy something we could raise our family in. Neither of us had sophisticated taste nor did we particularly trust those who did. I write those words with a grin. My grandmother never trusted people of means. She had endured the Great Depression and was just certain (inaccurately, of course) that anyone who lived this side of it with money most assuredly possessed ill-gotten gain. A permanent, living fixture in my home of origin throughout my childhood, you can imagine that my beloved grandmother, Minnie Ola Rountree, had a great influence on me and, bless God, in so many positive ways. She did, however, leave my thinking somewhat distorted regarding possessions. It has taken most of my adulthood to shake the bone-deep belief that having anything beyond the merest essentials roused the terrible displeasure of God. And, since we Westerners all have more than the merest essentials, I’ve spent much of my life confessing what I possessed as sinful (and, make no mistake, appropriately at times). Of course, there’s balance in all of that and few of us would argue that the prosperity gospel so prevalent among us in this era isn’t cause for earnest repentance.  But that’s a discussion for another time and another post and, come to think of it, one we have in fair depth in James: Mercy Triumphs.
In 1983, Keith and I were mostly a one-income family unless you call the pocket change I made teaching aerobics at my church a viable profession. My man was a residential plumber and a pretty new one at that. We had a four year-old and a one year-old that I utterly adored and so desired to stay home with that, prior to my hire at the church gym, I took on a paper route for a whole day. We very much liked the house we were renting but it wasn’t for sale. One day driving around a suburban neighborhood, we passed a French Provincial up for sale that nearly put us in a spell. It was beyond our means and well beyond our personalities. Still, we were mesmerized. Keith said, “Baby, I can get this house for you but only by the skin of my teeth. We won’t be able to buy a single new piece of furniture for it. Are you good with that?” I promised that I was and we put money down on it. We were beside ourselves. A few weeks later, just before we were to close on it, Keith walked in our rent house and sat me down at our kitchen table. “Honey, I withdrew our offer on the house.”
“What?? But we put money down on it!”
“Yep, we did. Money we couldn’t spare and won’t get back but we’d have had to spend nearly that same amount of money every single month on a house payment. It’s beyond us. It’s not our house.”
I cried for about 45 seconds and then was so relieved I could have done a freedom dance. I knew he was right and I was pained but so very thankful he pulled the plug. A number of months later as the bottom dropped out of the oil industry, leaving Houston in one of the biggest buyer’s markets of its history, we came upon a house going into foreclosure. It was still a lot for us to spend but we bought it.
And lived in it, fought in it, made up in it, prayed in it, swore in it, ate in it, sobbed in it, laughed in it and tucked children into bed in it for the next 27 years. We were deliriously happy in it. We were woefully miserable in it. You don’t live that long anywhere just one way. Long life happened there, meaning that those walls saw all manner of good, bad, and really ugly. But it snuggled us and hid us and harbored us for nearly thirty years. I hung my children’s baby pictures on those walls, then their school pictures with no front teeth. Then pictures with mouths full of braces, then pictures in their volleyball uniforms, then, be still my heart, their wedding portraits. Then I hung frames on those brittle walls with grandbabies’ pictures captured within.
For years I planted petunias in the flowerbeds in late Spring and, when I needed an emotional outlet, pulled up weeds with a fiery vengeance. Keith or I one dragged big ugly trashcans to the end of the driveway every Monday and Thursday then back to the garage when they were empty.
I parked a brown and beige station wagon on the broken concrete beside that house when we moved in and didn’t replace it until the wheels and doors threatened to come off.
And I loved it. It was home. As one who has nursed a lifelong aversion to change, I declared over and over again that I would never leave that house and that, when I died, Keith would have to dig a hole in the small back yard and bury me in it. At that very front curb, I waited for the school bus to pick up my girls in the morning and bring them home in the afternoon. At that very curb, my daughters’ boyfriends drove up to get them and a few hours later kissed them goodnight with me peeking through the mini-blinds. At that very curb, the postman dropped decades of utility bills – many overdue – and credit card bills that Keith Moore insisted we pay off in full every month no matter how little we had left. And now I’m so glad but then it seemed a tad restrictive for a mom who loved to take her girls to the mall.
That same house could tell terrible tales on me. Oh, what grace God has lavished on us. What mercy and forgiveness! But, amid the roller coaster that has always been Keith and me, and the tears and regrets, oh my word, the prayers that have been prayed in that house are too many to estimate. And certainly not just my own. Many of my girlfriends remember the years when we had monthly prayer breakfasts in that simple home. We’d all meet first in the den where I’d share a devotional then we’d break up in small groups and invade every room in the house and intercede for our loved ones and pray for our own needy hearts, all too often crushed by this or that hurt. I am convinced down to my marrow that God used prayer to spare my marriage and family. Keith believes it, too. I was a wreck in so many ways – still am in certain respects – but Jesus had convinced me early on in my adulthood that I’d have to have Him to survive with any sanity or life satisfaction. Any victim of early childhood abuse at the hand of a trusted family member will either have copious doses of Jesus or defeat. Plain and simple. No gray for folks like me.
I held stacks of journals in my lap two weeks ago and flipped through some of them and found a number of entries so painful that I could not even read them. I tore out numerous pages and wept before the Lord and thanked Him for His faithfulness and repented again, but wouldn’t have needed to, for such waves of stupidity and faithlessness. I also reminded myself to buy a shredder. Grin. Tucked into many of those journals were pages that also made me smile. Sometimes even laugh out loud. And then I’d cry again for the pure joy of Him.
Jesus has carried me in His own two everlasting arms. Me. Keith Moore. Amanda Moore Jones. Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick. He has carried us and His rock-solid biceps often took the form of brick, mortar and wood there on Blazey Drive in Houston, Texas. We’d think we’d come against something we couldn’t overcome, then He’d scoop us up and carry us kicking and screaming to the next season. Not fast enough to suit us, mind you, but eventually. Keith and I would look up and another year had come and gone and we were still married. Only once can I remember us coming to an anniversary where we did not so much as speak. And it was such a short time ago that you’d find it shocking. But, once again, Jesus took a needle and thread and sewed us loop by painful loop back together again. We’re so glad He did.
Then three years ago, I asked Keith if I could tell him something just once and he’d never remind me of it again because I was sure I’d change my mind. He said yes but he lied and we both knew it.
“I might someday consider moving.”
Keith’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he grinned ear to ear. He’d wanted to get off that busy highway near us for years.
“I said I might. But probably not.”
There were a number of things that brought me to that willingness. Keith had retired from the plumbing business and the ministry had moved to the very north edge of Houston. Our house was no longer close to our places of work. Our center had shifted. The biggest thing that changed was something unexplainable and almost irrational that finally just unraveled. The less sappy of you will need to skip to the next paragraph. Or maybe just end your reading right here. Goodness knows it’s gone on long enough. For those of you enduring this epitaph, I had this thing deep inside of me that insisted we stay in the same house so that the boy we’d had for seven years could find his way home and we’d all live happily ever after and all that confusion would be explained. Please understand that I knew it was unrealistic at the time but I couldn’t shake the idealism that it had to all work out some way – my way – and that we’d have to get a second chance so we could do a better job.
I’m so happy to tell you that I am in touch with that young man. He is darling just like he was the first time I laid eyes on him. But the fog began to clear several years ago and I was finally able to accept that the picture I had in my head was pretend. It was from a storybook etched in the mind of a romantic. Not real life. He was an adult and God had different plans for him and for us. Plans that I have to believe are for the good. We see him on occasion and I’m so thankful for the open door but we seem not to be meant to reestablish those same exact bonds.
Keith took that one tiny confession – “I might someday consider moving” – and jumped on it with both size 13 wides. It would be several years before we’d get his parents settled in the country and make arrangements to join them.
On December 14th – just 12 days ago – a moving van pulled up to my house of 27 years. Amanda, Annabeth, Melissa and I watched them empty those busy, busy rooms one box at a time. By the time that abode was back to the hollow shell we’d seen all those years ago when we first walked through it, Amanda had gone home to pick up Jackson from school and only Melissa and I were left. It was the breakfast room that got us. We stared at the spot where our dining table used to be and both burst into tears. Then each of us (crying audibly, mind you) went around the house and closed the shutters one by one and then we turned out the lights. Melissa walked on out the front door and I lagged behind for just a moment and got on that floor one last time. Face down. For the 15 thousandth time.
And I thanked God.
He did not abandon us there. Not for one minute.
We are happy out here in the country. This morning two deer were in our back yard…and lived to boast about it. Keith has promised not to kill anything here but roaches and rodents and I intend to hold him to it even though we did find wild hog tracks not far from our front door. That husband of mine has labored with all his might for months on end to make this a home for his wife. He is not a man who finds it easy to express his love with words. He expresses his love through works. And I receive this new season of our lives together with joy and with tears drying. But the thing is, I didn’t want to rush right in and start jabbering to you about the new. Not until I paid proper tribute to the old. It wouldn’t have been fitting. It deserves the dignity of a decent good-bye. It cradled a half-crazy family for nearly thirty years like it was happy to have us. Thank you for offering me the space and patience to pen so long a so long. I needed it in the worst way.
By the way, I’ve already told Keith that this is the last time I’m ever moving and that he might as well dig his boots in this dirt. After all, I’m no math-wizard, but in 27 more years I’ll be, let’s see, 81 years old. That is, if the Lord has withheld me a glimpse of His face.
And I’ll let you know how I feel about moving then.
By way of benediction, and just in case somebody’s heart needs to hear it, this place doesn’t completely do it for me any more than the one I drove away from on December 14th. One of my new appliances is already broken and the dogs get ticks out here. It’s so wonderful out in these sticks but it’s a long shot from perfect. I have a longing for something I still haven’t found. My guess is that you do, too.
These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.
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Hebrews 11:13-16
Okay. Needed to switch sides of the table at Starbucks so that I was no longer facing the room. Gushing tears…you got me at “…could find his way home..” although ” got on the floor one last time…” was a close second.
As I Tweeted, #byebyeBeaverCleaver.
Wonder what the new house will be characterized as??
Aside from 30 other reasons I love your post and am grateful for your sharing aspects of life with us here, Ms. Beth, it may be just what the Lord is using this day to send me back home, get stitched up, and trust Him with the vicissitudes of marriage.
Praying for you all as you make this HUGE change.
Thanks for sharing Beth. Moving is such an emotional thing. 7 years ago today, we moved from Long Beach, Ca to Southeastern AZ. (Out in the middle of fly over country). Anyway we lived in the L.B. house for 12yrs. The night before our move I sat on the couch and cried my eyes out. My kids were 16 on down to 7 when we moved. We move in to that house when the oldest was three. As I sat on that couch I could still see them when they were small in my minds eye running around. I wondered would my oldest ever feel like our new home was his home. God has been so faithful because we all think of our home in AZ as home base and the moved greatly enhanced all of our lives. While it was hard at first for me, now I am glad I don’t live in the city anymore. The house is not what I would have said was my dream home, but it is perfect for us. I told my husband I never want to move again. It is such a pain. The other reason is I want a house big enough for all four kids to come home to with their families, when they have them, and feel like there is plenty of room for all of them. I also want them to feel like they are home. They are silly reasons but well it is just how I feel now. We will see if that changes over time.
I hope that your new home will bring you many years of feeling blessed.
I can beat you by a few years of living in one place! UGH, I hate to think about getting everything out and selling too many treasures to me, probably junk to the next guy! But we are talking about downsizing and getting out this debt! Pray for us that we will sell and get a ggod/fair price! Thanks for sharing your heart, Beth! Happy New Year!
Beth,
Thank you for expressing everything I have been feeling since my husband and I recently downsized and moved out of the house we occupied for over 40 years. Like you we watched our children walk to elementary school there and then before we knew it we were hanging their wedding pictures on the walls followed by the grandchildren’s pictures. As my daughter, Bonnie Hayman, stated to you in her reply about her move, the grieving, anxiety, and soul-searching were some of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I was, however, blessed to have been surrounded by my fabulous children and their love on our last day there. The Lord will continue to bless you in your new home, Beth, as He is continuing to bless us. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Oh Beth,
Thank you for sharing such details of life. I couldn’t take my eyes away until it was finished. I will be praying for you. May the Lord hold you in His arms as you begin this new chapter.
Blessings
Sharon
Thank you so much for sharing! I am so thankful you have reconnected some what with him. I have prayed for you as being an adoptive mom myself of two precious girls I can’t imagine what you went through and go through. We live in the country and I completely understand what you mean about the animals! This is not our home and I so long to see His face! Love you
I’m in tears…but more for Amanda, because that is who I relate too. I moved around my entire life. My dad is a pastor, and we lived LOTS of places. Then I married a pastor and we moved and moved to. We’ve never owned a home. But my parents eventually settled somewhere for about 15 years before God moved them on. I’ll never forget moving them out of that house. My husband proposed to me there. My baby brother was born there. It was the place we came home to the first 10 years of our marriage. I can still hear the creak of the front porch step. Blessings in your new phase of life!
thanks for sharing this and giving that home a proper tribute…i grew up in that house, spiritually of course, though i sometimes feel like it was physical… i can picture it though commons sense tells me my mental picture is all wrong…but through commonalities like raising my own daughters just a few years behind yours, and losing a deeply loved foster child too, your studies– often written from that home– led me back to the God of provision. I am so happy for you and Keith and your small taste of Heaven. To God be the glory.
Beth,
I loved your story and that you have reconnected with the boy you wrote about in your early Bible studies. I have only lived in two houses in my life—my childhood home and the home I share with my husband of 36 years.
But that’s not why I had to respond to your blog. You mentioned that your grandmother was Minnie Ola Rountree. That caught my eye right away because my husband’s family name is Rountree. I wonder if y’all have any relatives in Georgia. I left the computer to tell my husband that he might be related to The Beth Moore. Bless his heart I have talked about you so much and enjoyed your studies and even shared one or two DVD’s with him so he didn’t even have to ask, “Who is Beth Moore?” But he did wonder if y’all were related. Just thought you’d like to know.
By the way, you’ll adjust to living in the country. I have been out of town with the critters and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Enjoy your new home.
Beth may you be blessed in your new home. Sometime change is good. I would love to see pics of your new home. 🙂 God Bless…
Oh my, you have touched my heart to the very core….
When I read what you write, I didn’t just see the
words, I “felt” them…and all the emotions that
went along with them. I can truly say that you
have been blessed with an anointing that,in the midst of your open and honest heart, just drips with Him and His grace and mercy. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, and the Lord, for your ministry to us all!
Can’t wait to do James…one of my favorites! God bless you and yours, in abundance, in your your new home! With His love, and mine,from way up here in VT!
My safe haven growing up was my great-grandparents’ rural farmhouse. Their last surviving child, my great-aunt, died last year at the age of 99. She was widowed in World War II and never had children of her own, but she made things fun for three generations of nieces and nephews. To this day, the smell of peonies takes me back there.
Beth – thank you for making me feel so human. You have fears and worries and disagreements with your husband just like the rest of us. Thank for sharing with us. It really does help … especially in this world of “keeping up with Jones”, and sometimes the Christian culture of that can be just as challenging. I appreciate you and love you sweet sister.
Robin…I felt so much of the same thing you described when I read Beth’s post!
Reading your entry today reminded me of the people of israel…they had a time trying to settle as well, wandering in a desert for 40 some odd years…they too had memories. memories of Egypt, but also Memories of the Hand of God. Thought their place of captivity was in one place, their God was not confined there. God stood by them, walked with them and prepared the road ahead of them. Though you too, have made a journey…know what great adventures God has waiting in your new dwelling place. They Say that Home is where the Heart is. If that’s true, then God has brought you to a mighty good home with a mighty good family, and plenty of love and stories to create and share. and testimony of a FAithful God who keeps his promises sure and true. Cheers, to you and your home, wherever your heart may be :).
I Just read this, and I love how Beth expresses herself! There were many things I identified with. It was so good of The Lord to make our move (from our house of 31 years) so clearly His will for us. I don’t think I would have been able to take that step otherwise. I wondered the whole time if I would regret it, once the decision was made…and I even wondered it the day we moved. Yet I can truly say that I haven’t had one regret, and that surprises me. We had prayed for a few years, telling God that we were ready to move but that He would have to make it really clear to us, as there’s usually a lot of “static” between His voice and our ears! And He did that! I still am amazed at His Grace and Kindness to us. And I’ve found that home is not a place…but something in my heart, filled with those I love and who love me. And when we get to our final HOME, it will be a perfect one!
I’m happy and sad. I already miss the old house. In all these years it has become a part of our lives here, almost as much as your family, your dogs, your hair. But I will be ok, I’ll get to loving the new place too. You always know how to make me feel right at home…no matter where we are.
Blessings and continued love in your new forever home.
Melana 🙂
Greta,
The circumstances of our children may be different, our daughter has Down syndrome, but the feelings of betrayal, anger, bitterness were certainly there when we found out. However, I discovered after my enormous hissy fit that God never left me and He really blessed us with a lovely young adult. She brings such joy to my life each year. I don’t know the reason He chose her to be in our lives, I have always felt that it didn’t have to be about us, it might be what she has brought to other people that was the purpose. I am sure you are a great mom!
I lived in the same home I grew up in for 24 years (through college, til marriage). I got married and moved out, started my own family, and years later when my children were 2 and 6 that family home was sold… I can so well imagine every emotion you describe for you (and especially your daughters). I bawled as I read you knelt on your knees one last time before leaving… how I can relate. It was so hard to leave so many memories (and buried four-legged family members in our backyard). Wonderful memories have been made in our new homes, but you know what I’ve loved? That house was back on the market a few years ago, and we were able to walk through it just for fun… my children were older and loved seeing the rooms their Mom had grown up in. I felt the same warmth and love within those walls, even walking though there years later. A home filled with love is a very precious thing. So many never know it. What a blessing you and Keith have given your children there. And what blessings are to come in your new home. So happy for you!
Beth
Congratulations and Best wishes on your new home. I was anxiously waiting to hear about the move as I had seen snippets of information on Twitter. I love your gift of words and writing and relived every minute of your reminiscing with anticipation. However I lost it as you walked the rooms and closed the blinds then went face down on the floor. Change and moving is such sweet sorrow and I know God has so many “Moore” memories in store for all of you. I look forward to hearing the stories.
See you in a few weeks at SSMT
Carolyn
Oceanside Ca
Oh, Beth, what beautiful words! I can’t even imagine leaving a place with such memories. I lived all of my youth in the same house, but it was a house full of almost nothing but turmoil, so I gladly turned my back on it. I still visit once in a while, since my mother still lives there. I hate to admit it, but if it were just my dad I probably wouldn’t bother. He was the most violently abusive member of my family and still is at times. My mom will never leave that place. Dad tried to pull her from it once, but she was willing to separate if that’s what it would require for her to stay, and they did for a time. He’s back, but they mostly have a business relationship now. He takes care of her and she works for him. It’s sad really. I, myself, have never owned a real home. Oh, we own the place we live in now, for whatever it’s worth. It’s just a trailer house. I’m hoping and praying for a promotion for my husband come August (when he becomes qualified). One that hopefully will get us out of here. It’s falling apart and we can’t afford to keep it up. We need an income boost in the worst way, and I need to get somewhere where I can start afresh with a new church family that hopefully will be more full of compassion than the ones here are. I need people who will listen without condemnation. I feel like a total loser here and going to church only increases the feelings of loneliness, which I bring to God over and over again, and He always meets me there, and I’m so grateful, but I hope some day to have real connection with other believers. Love you so much, Beth! See you next month!
Sniff…….
Thank you! I left “not by choice” our home of 16 years- it is now 14 years later and I still long to go HOME.
My mother is experiencing a rage producing dementia and my childhood home is no longer a place of refuge.
I appreciate so much you sharing with us. There are so many nuggets that touched my heart deeply and tears are flowing this morning. You have graced the Siestas more than you may ever know. I understand your longing to see your precious boy walk back through your door permanently and into the arms of your family.
May you and yours be blessed and loved beyond measure in your new home. You deserve it! With lots of love and gratitude
This does not go with your post. However, I wanted you to know I just finished the study of James. It was more powerful than you will ever know! And if it wasn’t great already … I found myself in a group of women who outwardly expressed their hatred for Christians … On Christmas Eve no less. I was crushed and left crying. I told my online study group I felt like a stranger in a strange land. But check it out, it was right before I started week 7: day 4! I think God prepared me to really sink it all in!!!
Selina, Kentucky
Oh my goodness, this has killed me!!! Ive cried along with you. Thank you for being so honest on here. You will never know how you’ve blessed my heart in reading the things posted by you and the other ladies. God bless you in your new home.
Thank you for your post. Enjoy your new home. Over the years I have facilitated all of your studies but one and some twice. I always go thru them alone before presenting it to the group. I’m almost done with the new JAMES study. I love it. It is so good. In the first video session you said something that so stayed me: “… the holes in our lives make room for God’s work of grace (I’m paraphrasing) – if we allow it. And that had to happen to James, post resurrection. The power of the resurrection means the only thing meant to be empty is the tomb.” So true – if we allow it. Someone said in an earlier post that it was your best work. I agree. Thank you!!!
As a military spouse who only gets to live somewhere 2-3 years at a time, I can’t truly understand how difficult it is to leave a home that’s been yours for decades. But I can totally understand the sense of loss and uncertainty and expectation of what’s next. Thank you for so beautifully expressing how the Lord works in our hearts and lives – right where we are. Thank you for being so real with us and for moving us to tears. We need that. I pray your family will be overwhelmed and awed by God’s goodness to you in this new place you call home. Because home is really anywhere we live with all our heart – whether it be for a year, or 30 or eternity. Happy New Year!
All I can say is I’m glad I’m sitting here in my robe at home all alone because I’m crying like a baby!
I can relate because we have lived in the same home for 23 years. We moved here when our kids were in kindergarten and second grade. The memories are countless & yes, if these walls could talk….what stories they could tell.
I’ve often wondered about Michael and how things were with him. I’m so thankful you have a relationship with him. I’ll never forget reading about him in “Feathers From My Nest” and bawling my eyes out several times through that book. (It’s great for those who haven’t read it)
You all will have so many wonderful memories to make out in the country & I can’t wait to hear all about them. Congratulations on your new place!
Thanks for sharing Beth! Love you so much!!!!!
Thanks so much for your heartfelt words. It is comforting to hear of others perspective on lives challenges. My life has been a roller coaster ride for the last two years. A two year divorce after 26 years of marriage has brought me more heartaches than I thought I could handle. I’ve been relocated several times and even had to had a court order to live in my own home. I am learning how to define home in a whole new way. Our house sold and all my belongings are in storage. I’m currently living in a new city in a home away property, awaiting a divorce settlement before I can buy a home. All that to say, by the Grace of God I stronger and learning to live life to the fullest regardless of where I live. Praying for God’s continued healing and finding a new home, career, friendships, a who knows maybe God has plans for a godly man in my life.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Congrats on your new place! I’ve been following the blog here for about half a year. I was wondering if the SSMT will continue for 2012? I am signging up my sister and cousin to do this with me. I was just wondering. thanks!!
Way to go!! Moving is not for the faint of heart. I moved my children and I to a new home in August, leaving the cherished memories of their young years in that house. The good news is that the memories moved with me, as yours have with you and Lord willing, there will be bunches of new ones to be made in your new home. It is now December and just yesterday I finished unpacking and putting away the last of the boxes. Granted they werestorage things, but it nagged at me that they were not put away. I’m praying your settling in doesn’t take as long as mine:-) Blessings as you settle into your new home!
My parents live in the same house I was raised in, and my Granny, 95 years old, lives next door. I was grew up on a farm (which is now not ours anymore). We just got back from spending Christmas there, and my little girl sleeps in the room I grew up sleeping in.
It brings back the oddest mix of memories, both happy and sad.
My hubby would love to move me out in the country tomorrow, but I am content in our little subdivision, with some woods out back for the dog to roam, a huge soccer net, bonfire pit, and a tree house, but very little privacy on either side or the front yard. We love the neighborhood stuff for kids: huge trick or treating, having kids right here to play with, and that they are 1 mile from their schools.
Time is passing much too quickly as they move toward middle school, and this house is really the only one they remember us living in…I say all that to say: saying good-bye is so hard (change is almost crippling for me). I pray God gives you grace to make that house a home full of great moments quickly.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
God is so good. My eyes are welled with tears as I write this. I am preparing my house to put on the market. My daughter and son are headed off to college and this lovely big house is too much for my husband and I to care for on our own. I have turned off my emotions so I can get the work done. I too am thankful for our time in this house, this church, and out tiny community. There are a lot of new “news” on my horizon. But first honor must be given to the past. Thank you for sharing your experience with moving. It is helping me with mine!
Sweet Beth,
Your story made me cry because it seemed like every word resonated with me. I, too, have lived in the same house for the past 24 years. It’s the house I brought each of my four baby girls home from the hospital to, and it’s the home they are each leaving, one by one, as they make their way in this world. These walls have seen it all — the laughter, the arguments, the tears, the joy. I, too, have harbored unrealistic expectations. My precious third daughter, now 20, is a prodigal. She left us in the spring of 2010. I have hoped, prayed, and dreamed that she’d come back home to live with us some day, but it seems that is not going to happen. She is living with her boyfriend and his family, and just gave birth to a baby girl. These walls will never again hold the “six of us” like they used to, and I have had to let that dream die.
My husband and I own some land in the country, too, and intend to build a home there one day. It will not be as large as we’d originally planned, because quite likely it will be just the two of us living there. Life is changing, and I’m not a big fan of change! But the one thing that NEVER changes is the faithfulness, mercy, and love of our Savior. Thank you for sharing your sweet story with us.
You are so VERY loved!
Mercy Child! We’re in the same boat.
I find relief that I am not the only one emoitional about it.
My momma is moving out of my childhood home after 35 yrs. Even though I am grown, married with kids of my own and have not actually lived there for many of those yrs, it is been a part of my life,for most of my life. I’m there often visitng her.
I’m struggle with it Beth. I don’t want her to move, but it has become too much for her to maintain. The house is old, she is a widow and too old to deal with it.
I wanted to cry yesterday on the drive back to my home from our Christmas visit with her, knowing that was the last Christmas in that house. thought she is moving a few miles from that home, it will be tough not going there.
I tell myself it is an object, not a person, but it it is hard. like you said, tears, laughter, sadness and kids growing up. Soon it will belong to someone else.
So you and I are dealing with the same thing, you are done with the process, mine is still in the process. Lord. Help. Me.
My heart is breaking at the change.
Oh how I can relate, Beth! In 1996 I stood in front of our home and watched the moving van leave with all our possessions and head to the foothills of NC to unload at our new home. We were leaving the city where my husband had been born and lived all his life and heading to a new era…serving at a Baptist Camp. We never in a million years could have imagined the blessings that would come for the next seven years. We laughed with our “workmates”, cried our eyes out when the first child would give his/her heart to Christ at the end of their week at camp, and reveled in the beauty of His world around us. Then God saw fit to change our lives once again. We retired from that ministry in 2003 and have been “on the road” for the last 8 years, living in our Travel Trailer and marveling at what He reveals to us. One thing we have learned is that no one particular place is THE place where God abides and ministers to us. What a blessing!!! May God give you all the grace you need to make memories again in the “country”. I bet the floor of this new house will end up with dents from your sweet face bowing before Him.
Oh, Mamma Beth, I too have prayed for that boy (man) to be where he needs to be. Which of course is with you since I get to decide. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your journey. Crying and wanting to be free enough myself to move on, away from my hurts and insecurities. I love you.
I wept.
I just so pray that GOD will work in me the way you ‘feel’ praise, the way you walk out emotion.
I think that may be my favorite verse (at least for now 🙂
I have a similar moment today.
I am paying off my credit card.
A card (and others I’ve paid off) that over 3 years ago I held a 12+ thousand dollar debt. Accrued by my nervous breakdown and bad habits I never knew I had.
But on that bad day that GOD broke all my four little lamb legs…HE broke me loose, bound for freedom.
And now, 3 years later, I am able, today, to owe nothing.
Nothing but full Praise and LOVE and HONOR to GOD. For HE alone made it possible to pay it off so fast and with a job I got to hold on to. HIS MERCY knows no bounds.
I once heard you say, ‘I KNOW THE GRACE OF GOD’
And I can say that too…I KNOW THE GRACE OF GOD!
Praise HIM PRAISE YAHWEH!
Congratulations! and enjoy:)
Mama Siesta…the Lord did it again. My heart is full of love for His blessing upon you and your family. Beautiful faith given by a gracious Author. Thank you for sharing your plum normal life with a divinely inspired pen. Love you!
P.S. You know how to get those ticks to back out of the dogs, right? Get yourself some oil and a clear cap/cup and hold it over them. The can’t breathe and they’ll back out completely. I’m sure you knew that, or probably Mr. Moore did. Post pictures of the sunrise, you early bird.
Dearest Beth,
What a precious tribute! Your closing paragraph was the clincher for me. You see, we’ve lived along a busy main street for 17 years, tried to move at least 4 or 5 times, and every single time, God has gently closed the door while I dried my tears. He must want us here for a reason. I dream of my next home, confident that it will be perfect indeed, and all of life’s problems will be solved. Alas, I know deep down that is not true, and your touching tribute was the reminder I needed to make THIS a home where my family and Jesus can all live happily together! And if God so grants my wish and I do get to move someday, well, that will be another season with other challenges. I wish you many years of great joy and precious memories in your new home! To God be the Glory!
Renee
Thank you for sharing with us, Siesta Mama. Whenever you post I feel like I am chatting with an old friend. Between the several Bible studies of yours that I’ve done, the blog, the simulcasts, and LPL I feel like I know you…and you know what? It feels like you know us, too. I am so very happy to hear that Michael has a presence in your life again. I have always remembered and wondered with a heart aching for yours. May the Lord bless your new home with twice the laughter and half the tears.
Hugs,
Kristin
Renton, WA
P.S. I always wondered what Keith did and now I know! A plumber!
Beth,
Hope you enjoy your new home. When you have the time, Iwould love to see a picture of the outside. My husband and I have been looking for a new home for a couple of years but just can’t seem to find the right one. Still have a daughter in high school so that limits the area we can search. We have been in our current home for 15 years and just don’t need all this space any more.
May you and your family be richly blessed in 2012 as you have blessed many in your years of serving the Lord.
Here’s to new beginnings,
Linda
Dear Mrs. Beth, It is always wonderful to read your blogs. I am always encouraged when I hear you speak or read your post, and you are truly an inspiration. I am a 24 year old college student, and I am currently looking for a job so things are a bit stressful on this end. As I listen/read your post I am encouraged to look to Jesus for strength and peace while I go through this time of schooling and waiting process till I get my degree. Nice to hear you are reconnecting with her son, I know whatever was lost between you two will be mended through Jesus. I love my parents, but there are just some things that I can not receive from them, and I thank God for people like you, Joyce Meyer, and Lisa Bevere. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and that 2012 is a year of increase and blessing for your ministry and your family!
much love…
So happy for you Beth! 🙂
I too am a recovering ascetic, and was so inspired by something I read recently by Richard J Foster about how material blessings from God are a real thing, but how we are to see ourselves as stewards. Kind of like managers of His stuff, rather than owners of it… So good and so timely- so Jesus:)
“You don’t live anywhere that long just one way.”- Love it!:)
Beth,
Thank you for sharing so deeply! I cried a when you all tweeted the picture of the dark breakfast room with the closed shutters. Of course, I’ve never been there, but I knew from your previous sharing that it’s where you wrote some of your early studies. I have never been there, but the fruit of God’s working in your heart has planted seeds for His working in my own.
Thank you and I pray that your new home will be awesome and full of laughter and grandbabies/granddogs!
Beth –
Thank you for your honesty! Love to hear you are real too…I am a pastor’s wife and would shudder if these walls could talk.
Glad to hear it is the same in your house and your kids grew up to love Jesus in spite of all the mistakes! I am at the opposite end of starting out in our home with small kids.
Love your heart for Jesus and your family!
Crying.
This whole post just coarses through my veins iwth such intensity. I was raised in a home that housed our family for over 18 years. Now my parents have lived in the same house for 9. All I know is the feeling of home with those pictures and smells and fights and victories. But in my own family God has asked us to walk a different road. One that I know he has given grace to walk but when i have to make a home again for the 4th time in a year a half I am tired and want something I “know”. But what i love about what you said is that you knew who you could go to and who would hold you close. it wasn’t that house it was your God! I needed that. He is with us wherever we are and i will pray for you as you settle into your new home. With your man. I am so grateful for your honesty it helps me accept my humanness. It also reminds me to get on my face. Thank you!!! You go before us younger ones and I appreciate your wisdom.
Love,
Charlotte
ATL
Really, I do love you Beth. You can be just as sappy as you want. I get those pretend dreams, we all have them. But what I love is your honesty, it is easier to admire a real person, than a pretend one. Thanks for sharing with us, I pray you make just as many great memories in the sticks then you did in the city, with fewer hard times. Get to decorating, I know you love it!!
Blessings to you dear friend,
Andrea
Thank you for sharing Beth.
Jamie