Letting Go

Twenty-eight years ago, Keith and I were renting a home in the northwest part of Houston hoping to buy something we could raise our family in. Neither of us had sophisticated taste nor did we particularly trust those who did. I write those words with a grin. My grandmother never trusted people of means. She had endured the Great Depression and was just certain (inaccurately, of course) that anyone who lived this side of it with money most assuredly possessed ill-gotten gain. A permanent, living fixture in my home of origin throughout my childhood, you can imagine that my beloved grandmother, Minnie Ola Rountree, had a great influence on me and, bless God, in so many positive ways. She did, however, leave my thinking somewhat distorted regarding possessions. It has taken most of my adulthood to shake the bone-deep belief that having anything beyond the merest essentials roused the terrible displeasure of God. And, since we Westerners all have more than the merest essentials, Iā€™ve spent much of my life confessing what I possessed as sinful (and, make no mistake, appropriately at times). Of course, thereā€™s balance in all of that and few of us would argue that the prosperity gospel so prevalent among us in this era isnā€™t cause for earnest repentance. Ā But thatā€™s a discussion for another time and another post and, come to think of it, one we have in fair depth in James: Mercy Triumphs.

In 1983, Keith and I were mostly a one-income family unless you call the pocket change I made teaching aerobics at my church a viable profession. My man was a residential plumber and a pretty new one at that. We had a four year-old and a one year-old that I utterly adored and so desired to stay home with that, prior to my hire at the church gym, I took on a paper route for a whole day. We very much liked the house we were renting but it wasnā€™t for sale. One day driving around a suburban neighborhood, we passed a French Provincial up for sale that nearly put us in a spell. It was beyond our means and well beyond our personalities. Still, we were mesmerized. Keith said, ā€œBaby, I can get this house for you but only by the skin of my teeth. We wonā€™t be able to buy a single new piece of furniture for it. Are you good with that?ā€ I promised that I was and we put money down on it. We were beside ourselves. A few weeks later, just before we were to close on it, Keith walked in our rent house and sat me down at our kitchen table. ā€œHoney, I withdrew our offer on the house.ā€

ā€œWhat?? But we put money down on it!ā€

ā€œYep, we did. Money we couldnā€™t spare and wonā€™t get back but weā€™d have had to spend nearly that same amount of money every single month on a house payment. Itā€™s beyond us. Itā€™s not our house.ā€

I cried for about 45 seconds and then was so relieved I could have done a freedom dance. I knew he was right and I was pained but so very thankful he pulled the plug. A number of months later as the bottom dropped out of the oil industry, leaving Houston in one of the biggest buyerā€™s markets of its history, we came upon a house going into foreclosure. It was still a lot for us to spend but we bought it.

And lived in it, fought in it, made up in it, prayed in it, swore in it, ate in it, sobbed in it, laughed in it and tucked children into bed in it for the next 27 years. We were deliriously happy in it. We were woefully miserable in it. You donā€™t live that long anywhere just one way. Long life happened there, meaning that those walls saw all manner of good, bad, and really ugly. But it snuggled us and hid us and harbored us for nearly thirty years. I hung my childrenā€™s baby pictures on those walls, then their school pictures with no front teeth. Then pictures with mouths full of braces, then pictures in their volleyball uniforms, then, be still my heart, their wedding portraits. Then I hung frames on those brittle walls with grandbabiesā€™ pictures captured within.

For years I planted petunias in the flowerbeds in late Spring and, when I needed an emotional outlet, pulled up weeds with a fiery vengeance. Keith or I one dragged big ugly trashcans to the end of the driveway every Monday and Thursday then back to the garage when they were empty.

I parked a brown and beige station wagon on the broken concrete beside that house when we moved in and didnā€™t replace it until the wheels and doors threatened to come off.

And I loved it. It was home. As one who has nursed a lifelong aversion to change, I declared over and over again that I would never leave that house and that, when I died, Keith would have to dig a hole in the small back yard and bury me in it. At that very front curb, I waited for the school bus to pick up my girls in the morning and bring them home in the afternoon. At that very curb, my daughtersā€™ boyfriends drove up to get them and a few hours later kissed them goodnight with me peeking through the mini-blinds. At that very curb, the postman dropped decades of utility bills ā€“ many overdue ā€“ and credit card bills that Keith Moore insisted we pay off in full every month no matter how little we had left. And now Iā€™m so glad but then it seemed a tad restrictive for a mom who loved to take her girls to the mall.

That same house could tell terrible tales on me. Oh, what grace God has lavished on us. What mercy and forgiveness! But, amid the roller coaster that has always been Keith and me, and the tears and regrets, oh my word, the prayers that have been prayed in that house are too many to estimate. And certainly not just my own. Many of my girlfriends remember the years when we had monthly prayer breakfasts in that simple home. Weā€™d all meet first in the den where Iā€™d share a devotional then weā€™d break up in small groups and invade every room in the house and intercede for our loved ones and pray for our own needy hearts, all too often crushed by this or that hurt. I am convinced down to my marrow that God used prayer to spare my marriage and family. Keith believes it, too. I was a wreck in so many ways ā€“ still am in certain respects ā€“ but Jesus had convinced me early on in my adulthood that Iā€™d have to have Him to survive with any sanity or life satisfaction. Any victim of early childhood abuse at the hand of a trusted family member will either have copious doses of Jesus or defeat. Plain and simple. No gray for folks like me.

I held stacks of journals in my lap two weeks ago and flipped through some of them and found a number of entries so painful that I could not even read them. I tore out numerous pages and wept before the Lord and thanked Him for His faithfulness and repented again, but wouldnā€™t have needed to, for such waves of stupidity and faithlessness. I also reminded myself to buy a shredder. Grin. Tucked into many of those journals were pages that also made me smile. Sometimes even laugh out loud. And then Iā€™d cry again for the pure joy of Him.

Jesus has carried me in His own two everlasting arms. Me. Keith Moore. Amanda Moore Jones. Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick. He has carried us and His rock-solid biceps often took the form of brick, mortar and wood there on Blazey Drive in Houston, Texas. Weā€™d think weā€™d come against something we couldnā€™t overcome, then Heā€™d scoop us up and carry us kicking and screaming to the next season. Not fast enough to suit us, mind you, but eventually. Keith and I would look up and another year had come and gone and we were still married. Only once can I remember us coming to an anniversary where we did not so much as speak. And it was such a short time ago that youā€™d find it shocking. But, once again, Jesus took a needle and thread and sewed us loop by painful loop back together again. Weā€™re so glad He did.

Then three years ago, I asked Keith if I could tell him something just once and heā€™d never remind me of it again because I was sure Iā€™d change my mind. He said yes but he lied and we both knew it.

ā€œI might someday consider moving.ā€

Keithā€™s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he grinned ear to ear. Heā€™d wanted to get off that busy highway near us for years.

ā€œI said I might. But probably not.ā€

There were a number of things that brought me to that willingness. Keith had retired from the plumbing business and the ministry had moved to the very north edge of Houston. Our house was no longer close to our places of work. Our center had shifted. The biggest thing that changed was something unexplainable and almost irrational that finally just unraveled. The less sappy of you will need to skip to the next paragraph. Or maybe just end your reading right here. Goodness knows itā€™s gone on long enough. For those of you enduring this epitaph, I had this thing deep inside of me that insisted we stay in the same house so that the boy weā€™d had for seven years could find his way home and weā€™d all live happily ever after and all that confusion would be explained. Please understand that I knew it was unrealistic at the time but I couldnā€™t shake the idealism that it had to all work out some way ā€“ my way – and that weā€™d have to get a second chance so we could do a better job.

Iā€™m so happy to tell you that I am in touch with that young man. He is darling just like he was the first time I laid eyes on him. But the fog began to clear several years ago and I was finally able to accept that the picture I had in my head was pretend. It was from a storybook etched in the mind of a romantic. Not real life. He was an adult and God had different plans for him and for us. Plans that I have to believe are for the good. We see him on occasion and Iā€™m so thankful for the open door but we seem not to be meant to reestablish those same exact bonds.

Keith took that one tiny confession ā€“ ā€œI might someday consider movingā€ ā€“ and jumped on it with both size 13 wides. It would be several years before weā€™d get his parents settled in the country and make arrangements to join them.

On December 14th ā€“ just 12 days ago ā€“ a moving van pulled up to my house of 27 years. Amanda, Annabeth, Melissa and I watched them empty those busy, busy rooms one box at a time. By the time that abode was back to the hollow shell weā€™d seen all those years ago when we first walked through it, Amanda had gone home to pick up Jackson from school and only Melissa and I were left. It was the breakfast room that got us. We stared at the spot where our dining table used to be and both burst into tears. Then each of us (crying audibly, mind you) went around the house and closed the shutters one by one and then we turned out the lights. Melissa walked on out the front door and I lagged behind for just a moment and got on that floor one last time. Face down. For the 15 thousandth time.

And I thanked God.

He did not abandon us there. Not for one minute.

We are happy out here in the country. This morning two deer were in our back yardā€¦and lived to boast about it. Keith has promised not to kill anything here but roaches and rodents and I intend to hold him to it even though we did find wild hog tracks not far from our front door. That husband of mine has labored with all his might for months on end to make this a home for his wife. He is not a man who finds it easy to express his love with words. He expresses his love through works. And I receive this new season of our lives together with joy and with tears drying. But the thing is, I didnā€™t want to rush right in and start jabbering to you about the new. Not until I paid proper tribute to the old. It wouldnā€™t have been fitting. It deserves the dignity of a decent good-bye. It cradled a half-crazy family for nearly thirty years like it was happy to have us. Thank you for offering me the space and patience to pen so long a so long. I needed it in the worst way.

By the way, Iā€™ve already told Keith that this is the last time Iā€™m ever moving and that he might as well dig his boots in this dirt. After all, Iā€™m no math-wizard, but in 27 more years Iā€™ll be, letā€™s see, 81 years old. That is, if the Lord has withheld me a glimpse of His face.

And Iā€™ll let you know how I feel about moving then.

By way of benediction, and just in case somebodyā€™s heart needs to hear it, this place doesnā€™t completely do it for me any more than the one I drove away from on December 14th. One of my new appliances is already broken and the dogs get ticks out here. It’s so wonderful out in these sticks but it’s a long shot from perfect. I have a longing for something I still havenā€™t found. My guess is that you do, too.

 

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.Ā If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.

Ā 

Hebrews 11:13-16

 

 

 

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430 Responses to “Letting Go”

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Tori says:

    I loved this šŸ™‚

  2. 2
    Jerry Ann says:

    Beth,
    I moved my mother from her home of 28 years 8 years ago. She has been gone for 6 years now. I helped my parents remodel that house, and for years wanted to purchase it again. I have realized that the walls that hold us are our memories. Good, bad, wonderful, and terrible memories. It seems only the extreme good and bad are the ones I remember now, not a lot of those in between. I miss that house, my mother, and lots of should of’s and could of’s.

    Grateful for our God that holds me, and the path that has taken me from that house and its memories.

    Blessings.
    Jerry Ann

  3. 3
    God's not-so-little Dutch girl says:

    Beth,

    Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I’m sure you are looking forward to new memories in the new house, but it is hard to leave the memories of the old house. My man would like to find a new home when our girls go off on their own.(Coming much too soon if you ask me!) My response is,”Why? The house will be the perfect size then!”Grin. He longs for more space between neighbors and a quieter area, we live close to a busy highway as well. If we ever leave this house, I can’t imagine how ward it will be, but I can be happy anywhere as long as God & my man go with me;) I wish you many blessings in the new year! I know the SSMT celebration will be a blast, & I will be praying for all of you. Happy New Year, Siestas!

  4. 4

    May God richly bless you in your new home. Thank you for being real, you encourage me soo, soo much. I love you.

  5. 5
    Theresa Bradford says:

    I cried and laughed because I understand so much of what you feel. Thanks Beth for putting “things” in perspective and for taking us along with you. It makes me feel “normal” and I am forever thankful for that. Enjoy your new home. May God bless this place y’all now call home and may He continue fill and overflow your life and heart with His continued presence and power.

  6. 6
    Margie says:

    You know how, sometimes, you read something and it resonates with crazy depth?…. What a privilege to read this today. I’m not fond of change either and I’m in a season of impending major change and trying hard every day to nuture my taking God at His word where it concerns His care for me and attentiveness to my details. You’re so right, Beth. His faithfulness to us in all of our seasons shows off His glory just like a stunning sunrise or a flawless snowflake does!
    Bless you for sharing this!

  7. 7
    KK says:

    I just moved too. And yes, my new place isn’t the answer. I still miss my old home that I raised my girls in. That was a beautiful goodbye Beth. I have tears in my eyes. Maybe I need to say a proper goodbye to my old house too. Perhaps it will help me to let go. Love you Beth.

  8. 8
    Rachel says:

    I just had to grab the tissues. This one left me in tears. What a beautiful way to honor the old &the new.

  9. 9
    Jen H. says:

    I love you, Beth. There’s a part of this that so resonated with me that I could barely stand to keep reading. The part about your sweet boy…

    I so hope you’ll grow to love your new home as much as the old, and I know you’ll continue to see God work His will in your life there, as well. You are so loved!

  10. 10

    We lived in Houston for 25 years, from the week after our honeymoon in Gatlinburg, TN to just three years ago, and then we moved north of Dallas, and our two grown daughters are also in this area, yeah! But, that move was a huge transition, but one God had prepared us for and I love it here!

    It was hard to say goodbye to 25 years of living in one place and yes, a whole lot of living, God with us all the way! And He is with us here in what I finally do not call our new home, it’s just home now! (We are just a couple miles from the Southfork Ranch, made famous by the classic television series Dallas)

    Enjoy your new home and thanks for sharing some of the moving journey with us,

    Kathy

  11. 11
    liz says:

    Congrats! May you be blessed in your new?? home. You didn’t give any details on the new house : (
    Merry Christmas!

  12. 12

    Beth, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, your openness, honesty, and transparency helps us to share our lives more openly with others…this post reminded me of a component from your “Believing God” Bible Study…God has been there all along…I wrote about it recently in this blog post…
    http://bethwillismiller.blogspot.com/2011/09/back-to-future-rowboats-timelines-and.html
    A component of the Beth Moore Bible Study, ā€œBelieving God,ā€ was to complete a timeline of our life in 10 year segments, asking God to reveal to us all the spiritual mile markers in our livesā€¦broken places, hurts, disappointments, accomplishments, and joyful times–to help us see that God had been there all along–His grace is sufficient. To accomplish this task, I discovered a very helpful tool for a ā€œTimeline Templateā€ through Microsoft. Itā€™s free, and itā€™s very easy to use, the text boxes expand to whatever size you need, and the arrows on the boxes can be moved to any location on the timeline. I have copied the link for this ā€œTimeline Templateā€ ā€¦.it really helped me to get my thoughts on paper, and God has used it to heal me in so many ways…Hereā€™s the linkā€¦
    http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/timeline-TC001016265.aspx

    The Hebrew concept of time is like a person rowing a boat. We see where we have been, we back into the future. I can clearly see that God has been there with me all along. I am not stuck in the past, I am rowing into the future, moving forward, proactive, with my focus, my mindset, on God, who is sovereign. He sees the past, the present, and the future all-at-once. Morning after morning in my quiet time, I bring myself back to the Cross of Christā€¦as I bow before Him, I experience anew His forgiveness, redemption, mercy, and grace, as I sense His blood dripping over the Crown of Thorns pressed into His brow, onto my heart, covering my sin, and I get up from my knees wearing His Robe of righteousness as I face the day aheadā€¦rowing into the future.

  13. 13
    Shelly says:

    You said everything that needed to be said. And you said it beautifully. Now, enjoy this new house and make it a HOME. Your words have spoken so clearly and lovingly and, I might add, so humbly and honestly, that I’m left nearly speechless. Tears are in my eyes as I write this comment to your post.

    Thank you, Jesus, for Beth. Thank you for putting me on this earth so that my lifetime intersects with hers. She’s taught me so much about You and Your Word. Bless her and Keith in their new home…from this day forward. Amen.

    Love you, Siesta Mama.
    -Shelly

  14. 14
    Katy says:

    Dear Beth,
    Thank you so much for sharing. I am a 27 year old stay-at-home mother of three, whose husband is in the ministry and we still rent. So much of this post encouraged and spoke to my heart. Sometimes I think no one understands my feelings concerning a home, but your post made me not feel alone in my thoughts. šŸ™‚ I don’t know if that makes sense, but nonetheless–i was encouraged.
    Thank you so much.
    Love,
    Katy

  15. 15

    Oh, Sweet Mama Beth. What beautiful words. Never in my life have I lived in a place that long and I cannot imagine the transition and tears.

    Eighteen months ago, we moved from Wichita to Southern California. When we left that house, I cried through every empty room. Three of my four children were brought home from the hospital, taken first steps, fallen down the stairs…well, you know these stories. I bawled my head off for the Grace God had shown to me and the way he grew me through some extraordinary times in my life and marriage. I know it was beautiful and a gift. So hard to let it go.

    We are now in the midst of an incredible (stretching?!?!?!!) house renovation. As we rent, we look forward to the new house being complete and feeling like we have a place, a *home* once again. I love the passage you ended with because I’ve thought about it often too. I’m married to “Abraham”…I am his “Sarah.” I am committed to walking by faith, as hard as it is to see in the fog that (figuratively) rolls in now and then. Eigthteen months later, I’m still getting use to a new culture, etc.

    Much love to you, Siesta Mama, and I know this new season and new Year will bring many, many thrilling adventures. As He leads, I can’t wait to join with you in them! First off, SSMT in a few weeks and Long Beach in October!

    walking on!
    ~rachel

  16. 16
    Gina says:

    I took the computer away into silence, knowing it would be an emotional read. I have been praying for you through this time. I pray God’s blessings continue to overflow for you and your family. So much love to you…

  17. 17
    Sister Lynn says:

    Dearest Beth,

    Thank you for this beautiful post… our home is in heaven but our homes here on earth are our places of refuge and rest. Places of intimacy with God and one another. You did honorable homage to the old… can’t wait to here your adventures in the new.

    We love you so!

    Sister Lynn

  18. 18

    Thank you for being an open book on your life. Being 40, You have lived your life on this earth a little before me. I have two teens and have lived in my home 9yrs. I love it as much as you loved the one you just left, not perfect but home. I appreciate how you share your marriage, the good, the bad and the ugly. It encourages me greatly. Thank you for being the Titus 2 Woman from afar. I love you Beth Moore!!

    Your Michigan Siesta,
    Stacie

  19. 19
    kendal says:

    oh. change. i am not a fan. but praise him for moving us when we need moving.

  20. 20
    Elle says:

    Awww, this is sweet, Beth. I know that I would shed some ugly bittersweet tears if my parents moved from the house I grew up in; but, in the end, I’d close that chapter and thank Jesus that memories remain intact and close to my heart. I’m glad that you & Keith are enjoying the country. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you, the apple of God’s eye, sweet sister.

  21. 21

    Beautiful God wooing you all those years Ā¤ Hosea 7:14 Ā¤ What stirs in you is His beauty and rest. Staggered at His Response to all our very familiar shortcomings. You are one free woman. Groan inward, Long outward, Fall forward Ā¤ Romans 8:26 Ā¤ Sent from my Verizon wireless phone

  22. 22
    Marlo Haft says:

    You’ve inspired Ms. Beth Siesta Momma… I am going to open my home to my girlfriends for prayer–we just moved here 6 months ago– one day each week at the same time. I should have thought to do this months (YEARS–DECADES) ago, but in all honestly and confession I have been whining about my church doing away with women’s Bible Study ( please don’t get me wrong, I love my church, so very much!!). Thank you for your inspiration, and for loving Jesus enough to care about us all, and letting us know about the wonderful things ( good, bad and ugly) happening in your life. WE all love you!!
    Siesta Marlo Haft – Flower Mound, Texas

  23. 23
    Denise says:

    Bawling like a baby. Thank you for sharing. Your story is like all of our stories you just have the gift to put what we might be feeling into words. Thank you.

  24. 24
    Leanne from Canada says:

    Sweet Beth….we love you for sharing your honest tender heart, because it so resonates with all of ours. We marked 20 years in our home this Christmas….the good the bad and the ugly as well. Four teens now grace these (sometimes suffocating) walls. Time flies and the Lord stretches us in ways we could never imagine. Jesus…help us to daily release our grip and allow you alone to satisfy us! Beth, may the memories you build in your new home be as precious as those from the old. Merry Christmas to you all!!! We love you. Leanne

  25. 25
    Patty pierce says:

    I can so relate to your post. I have never phad the luxury of living in one place for 28 years but those stages just got me. Like you i have those pictures from infants to grand babies and I wouldn’t change this path for anything. May God bless you in your new home and welcome to the country. It’s an awesome place Patty Pierce

  26. 26
    andrea says:

    This really spoke to my heart, especially your words about being dragged kicking and screaming into the next season and not always fast enough to suit. I’m in the midst of one of those right now and now the other side won’t be perfect but it will be God’s will. Praying this house holds you well too. šŸ™‚

  27. 27
    Betty M says:

    Dear Beth,
    That explains the somewhat drought of posts lately! You are busy. I do not envy the boxes! I actually can empathize to some degree only moving once and very early in our marriage. Yes, you leave alot of yourself in a house. The kids and I just talked the other night how we just updated the insurance coverage on this house and if we could have it blow down or get destroyed in some way (God forbid burning however) I oculd finally have that bigger kitchen so I oculd roll out a decent pie crust and I would not have to rub butts with everyone else who happens in it same time as me!Almost a tepting thought!The emotion those walls have been privy to. Yes, everyone of us no matter how tiny our ministry feels like a mockery of Him Who has saved us. My hubby and I can fight like cat and dog and it was he who said one day “I wish your Bible study and groups you lead could see you like you are right now!” I broke down in tears and wanted to quit right then and there. It keeps me humble though and that is needful I am glad he gives me a reality check once in awhile. That is how we have survived 40 yrs together. None of it has been easy. We are forgiven most importantly. My journals as well as these walls have seen a very depressed person for a number of years, they have seen someone moved to tears over the love Jesus pours out to one who needs it so much sometimes. These are all foot prints of our lives on htis side of Paradise.
    Livng in the country is incredibly peaceful and can be very isolating if you allow it to. I hope I always am privileged to live out here in the country. To hear the whisper of God through the pines in a late afternoon breeze. To see the kiss of God on the dew in the grass of a meadow on an early summer morning. These are priceless. Blessings to you on your move. Oh and by the way, something for your outdoorsy hubby! Did you know that the tracks of a wild hog and a deer are very simular??? We had hunters stop here once and say they thought they saw deer tracks in our trees and we had to tell them that we had a hog escape the confinement of a barn for a brief taste of freedom. We have deer here daily nibbling the apples from our ornamental apple trees. They are not so welcome when the gardens are ready! Blessings!Hugs from the Heartland! Betty M

  28. 28
    holly smith says:

    Do you know the one thing I love most about you, Beth? It may surprise you. I love how you savor and live life. I love that these memories and moments matter to you. If you never wrote another study or taught another class, I’d still think the world of you, because you look at life, at our God through this kind of lens…may God grant you Himself in the very place you are now abiding. Moreover, may His Hand hold you ever tighter. Love to you, Holly…who also finds herself so grateful to God for Beth, for prayer, for family, for.struggle and for hope that now and forever, Jesus holds us

  29. 29
    WendyB says:

    God bless your new adventure! I sold my home of 21 years just three years ago (I’m about your age) and felt the whole gamut of emotions, too – such joy (bringing my only daughter home from the hospital to that house, watching her take her first steps there, have her first date, leave for college) and such pain (enduring the excruciating failure of a 20-year-marriage and the 17 years of nightmarish events that led up to that sad decision.) I sure do know you’ll be living in the bittersweet for a while. You’ll drive past Blazey with a mixture of curiosity and longing, and then suddenly you won’t think of it for a while.
    We sure never know where God will take us at His pleasure – it’s fun to be willing, though, isn’t it? I suddenly found myself starting a new life as an army chaplain’s wife, and in the space of one year I turned 50, got married, moved from SC to Seattle and then to Germany! I need a nap just thinking about it.
    Love you, Sister. Sleep well! All the important things came with you and sat around your table yesterday.

  30. 30
    Kim says:

    First the confession, I have occasionally envied you these last four years because you had lived in the same house for so long. I know it was wrong and God and I have worked that out. But four years ago God asked us to sell the home we built and I swore we would live in for the remainder of our days. When we first built that house, I told my husband that I would never live in a house where our children had not lived. Well, we are doing just that.

    There have been countless tears over these last 4 years. Like the first time I realized our adult children did not have a bedroom in this house that was ‘theirs’. A very petty, but real emotion within me.

    God has blessed us beyond measure here and has seen us through the most difficult days of our life. There has been redemption and restoration in this house that never could have occurred in the last. God has been faithful as always.

    God has also taught me to let go of the material and to trust Him for what we need physically and spiritually. It does not need to make sense to me, if it is part of His plan.

    After four years, I am still trying to find ‘just the right spot’ for my devotions and time alone with God. Seems to me like it should have happened faster, but I imagine he has a purpose/plan in this as well.

    I pray that God fills your new home with new and remarkable memories in a very quick manner. THANK YOU for sharing this with us.

  31. 31

    Beth, thank you for your transparency. I read so many blogs online that make marriage and family seem so perfect, and I wonder what is wrong with me. What have I done wrong. It soothes my heart to know that nothing is wrong. Even those closest to God, like yourself and your family, go through difficult times. I suspect so that God can show his awesomeness once again. I wish many wonderful memories in your new home. Thank you for your ministry!
    Brenda

  32. 32
    Beth says:

    What a beautiful post Beth. Thank you for sharing your life with us. May you and Keith be immensely blessed in your new home. You and your ministry are such a blessing to me – I thank our Father often for how He has and continues to use you for His glory.

    Beth in Ohio

  33. 33
    Gayle says:

    I have had to let go of friends and family and move to a new state. Very hard but God has been so faithful!

  34. 34
    Nancy says:

    Bless you for sharing this. I am such a poor one to accept changes. Today my one and only precious daughter left the nest and I am feeling that “hole in the heart” feeling which I hate to feel. She is my very best buddy and long ago (at the age of 2 ) she promised that she would live with me until she was 82. She and I have done many of your studies together and we love you and pray for you. Please pray for me in this major change in my life, and hers!
    Love you and thanks for sharing about your move! Keeping you in prayer, too!

    • 34.1
      Tracey Knight says:

      nancy, i will pray for you as well since we are in the same boat. my daughter spent 4 years of college in the same town as us & tomorrow we are moving her to her new home several hours away. i promised her i wouldn’t be a drama queen (i.e. bawl my eyes out in her presence), but my heart is feeling it.
      beth, thank you for the precious thoughts about home – the one we’re in now & the one we long for. love you~

  35. 35
    Warm In Alaska says:

    That was a beautiful tribute to Jesus and to your sweet home of 27 years. You made me cry while sitting in an Eddie Bauer store in Colorado, reading this on my I-phone. Have a good last week of 2011!

  36. 36
    Ann Voskamp says:

    Wiping off tears of joy for you here, Beth, Amanda, Melissa, Keith…

    God is always good and we are always loved — always.

    Laid low before our Jesus with you….

    All’s grace,
    Ann

  37. 37
    Redeemed says:

    Dear Beth,
    How beautiful.

    I remember when we left our home in Missouri several years ago, to move to Alabama. I felt like I was being drug away from my house kicking and screaming. I’m surprised you can’t see claw marks in the asphalt leaving our neighborhood. The new Alabama house never did feel like home…then we moved to Chicago….never felt like home….now we’re in Oklahoma…still doesn’t feel like home.
    Cuz this world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through.

    Congratulations on your new place to rest til we get where we’re going!

    P.S. I just registered for the SSMT Celebration! Weeee!

  38. 38
    Alison says:

    Ms. Beth, thanks for always keeping it real and for drawing us into the beauty of your journey. Excited to see how God will use this new dwelling place as you continue to do life to His glory!

  39. 39

    mama beth-

    This post was beyond touching on so many levels for
    this girls heart.
    One thing I can say I’m used to most is having to “let go”
    and the fact I’m in my early 30’s just tells me that I can expect more
    “letting go” to be bound to happen.
    God has comforted my heart recently that it’s not good to
    always expect things to be taken from us. God takes away, but
    that He also GIVES. I know you can hear me on all of this.
    While I haven’t experienced physically moving into a new
    place after being married and having a family- I do know what
    it’s like to feel like you have taken on another life completely.
    I’m gonna keep this comment to this length, but I will say that
    I love how you share your heart. You are in daily conversation
    in my life, a daily encouragement and where there has been
    loss in my life at certain times, this blog community has meant the
    world to me.
    Here’s to Him placing a new key to unlock the next part of your life in your
    hands.

    xoxo
    Angie

  40. 40
    Nicole says:

    I loved your post! Especially now considering we are putting our (or my) “dream home” on the market after a tough financial year. I keep telling myself it’s just a house and why should I care about such a material thing. But the truth is I do care. I wish I didn’t but the thought of leaving makes me so sad. It’s our home, full of memories but I guess home is anywhere you go, right? I am beyond blessed to know Him, have a wonderful husband and 5 fun, healthy kids. Lord, keep my heart on what matters most!

    I am excited for your new adventure in the country. Praying this home is filled with fun, loving, and new memories of Bibby and her grand babies and the rest of the Moore clan! šŸ™‚ Blessings to you!!

  41. 41
    jean says:

    What an awesome post! I always wondered about your son. Funny how our plans don’t always line up with God’s. But His ways are good! So when you are ready, post some pics of the new place. Can’t wait to see them. šŸ™‚

  42. 42
    Maureen says:

    Oh, Beth, I remember so well how you didn’t want to move because Michael might not be able to find your house. Children grow up…and loyal dogs like Sunny pass away, but it is so nice to have all those wonderful memories. Jackson and Annabeth are going to have a lot of fun in the country. Blessings on you in your new nest.

  43. 43
    Jen says:

    Beth~

    Your post was beautifully written and lovingly shared…thank you! We are in the process ourselves of making a big move (selling our home…that we bought from my mom…so it’s been in the family since 1997) and we’re moving to do ministry in Hawaii. This is the home our two boys have known and loved. And we’ll be leaving all of our family and friends behind. But in the step of obedience we know that there is great reward. The Lord has made our path straight and we are excited to see what each new day holds as we trust Him.

    May you enjoy your new home, new memories and cherished moments along the way!

    ~Jen

  44. 44
    mk (the go-between) says:

    Beth, What a beautiful testimony. When I heard you were moving my first thought was, to a comment you made someplace along this blog journey, why you never wanted to move and I wondered. Thank you for sharing your life with us these years! We love you and your family and speak of you and yours in our family, as if you are a close family friend!
    We just celebrated our 7th Christmas here in a house we built with sweat equity. When we bought the land and waited to be able to afford to build, I often referred to it as my forever home, to which my husband would correct me – reminding me only heaven is my forever home! I would sigh and tell him that he knew what I meant; I would have to move yet again.
    Well, here we are and not even done with all the trim, etc. and until a few months ago, fully convinced we would live here until my forever home šŸ˜‰ when I believe the Lord has put the thought of moving away from this area. Who knew? I just mentioned to my husband 3 days ago! Thank you for sharing this – perfect timing!

  45. 45
    Darla says:

    i feel your mothers heart in this. We have thought about moving and downsizing as this home is getting too big for us with our children starting lives of their own. I dread the thought of leaving the place where i raised my children. Also know it needs to be done.

    My man would be in heaven if he saw wild hog tracks outside the door…its a bacon thing!
    Princess to Princess (needed to check in on you, Hope you had a Merry Christmas)

  46. 46
    Lauren says:

    Beautiful, beautiful post. I am now a puddle of tears. Thank you for sharing all of this with us, Beth. I know that the God who led you through all of those 27 years will lead you faithfully through the next…and all the way to the City He has prepared for you. Thank You, Father.

    As for the letting go theme, I’ll just say that I know God so honors and esteems the trust You are placing in Him about the boy you and Keith raised for those years. You said that the picture you had in your head was a fantasy, not reality. I say this with tears running down my face. The picture you had in your head may have been fantasy, but God knows the broken heart you had over that boy and having to let him go. And He is TRUSTWORTHY with what you have entrusted to Him, with what you can’t control. You may not feel that you’ve had complete closure or seen all of this come full circle the way you wanted and longed for it to. But You can trust Him still. Because not one ounce of your heartache over this has been lost on Him. He knows it. He esteems it. And in His time, He will make everything beautiful. He is our Redeemer. And He CARES for and loves that young man with a mighty, mighty love.

  47. 47
    Deb Martell says:

    Beautifully said!!! Thank you!

  48. 48
    Kelly S says:

    Stanbery Circle….that was my address growing up. This post brought so many great memories to mind for me. I love what Holly said, and I love how you savor life too. Things I wouldnt think to put in words you can, and I appreciate that! We moved my mom after 27 years on Stanbery Circle, but only because my father had passed and she was beginning a new season.
    Even though this transition was hard, I hope being able to do it with your whole family close made it easier.

    I sincerely hope you love your new house in the country….wild hogs and all, LOL! I think Id let Keith kill those (wink).

  49. 49
    Sandy Bowers says:

    Wow, Siesta Mama! I so admire your ability to put your feelings into words. Your post is so heart-felt and honest…some of the things I love most about you! I am so grateful to read the story of your “letting go” at a time when I have been struggling to do the same. Our move (on December 10) was from a church parsonage of almost 14 years, into our own home. When we moved into the parsonage, my babies were 18 months and 3 1/2 years old. They are now 15 & 16. Alot of living was done in that house and we are slowly getting this new house in order so that we can do alot of living in this one. Beth, you are an inspiration and I am so blessed to have you in my life — technologically-speaking, of course. I so wish we could swap our moving stories over a cup of coffee….and I am sad to not be able to meet you and all my siestas in January. I hope there will be another opportunity for a gathering. Also hoping to attend a LPL event next year if at all possible. Many hugs and blessings to you my sweet friend and to your family at this precious time of year.I love you.

    • 49.1
      Beth says:

      Sandy, I’ve thought of you many times. When you started sharing about your move on Twitter, I knew mine was soon coming. I felt the kinship. I am so sad that you won’t be here in January! We will miss you!

      • Sandy Bowers says:

        Beth, I forgot to mention another thing we have in common: I had a Grandma Minnie too! Minnie Alta Burbacher. Must have been a generational name. Don’t see any “Minnies” these days!

  50. 50
    kathypinkbicyclearkansas says:

    Years of wonderful memories. They will remain wonderful memories in your new home. Do you have acreage? I live in the “country”, four and half miles from townm eight minutes from work and have 2.5 acres and see deer daily. I cannot imagine living in town even though many have tired to talk me into it.

    I’ve done some upgrades to my home in the past few years and would like to do some more possibly this year, so I think I’ll stay put.

    Enjoy your new home, did you buy or build, are you now close to Keth’s paents once again? Let’s see some country pics soon.

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