Letting Go

Twenty-eight years ago, Keith and I were renting a home in the northwest part of Houston hoping to buy something we could raise our family in. Neither of us had sophisticated taste nor did we particularly trust those who did. I write those words with a grin. My grandmother never trusted people of means. She had endured the Great Depression and was just certain (inaccurately, of course) that anyone who lived this side of it with money most assuredly possessed ill-gotten gain. A permanent, living fixture in my home of origin throughout my childhood, you can imagine that my beloved grandmother, Minnie Ola Rountree, had a great influence on me and, bless God, in so many positive ways. She did, however, leave my thinking somewhat distorted regarding possessions. It has taken most of my adulthood to shake the bone-deep belief that having anything beyond the merest essentials roused the terrible displeasure of God. And, since we Westerners all have more than the merest essentials, I’ve spent much of my life confessing what I possessed as sinful (and, make no mistake, appropriately at times). Of course, there’s balance in all of that and few of us would argue that the prosperity gospel so prevalent among us in this era isn’t cause for earnest repentance.  But that’s a discussion for another time and another post and, come to think of it, one we have in fair depth in James: Mercy Triumphs.

In 1983, Keith and I were mostly a one-income family unless you call the pocket change I made teaching aerobics at my church a viable profession. My man was a residential plumber and a pretty new one at that. We had a four year-old and a one year-old that I utterly adored and so desired to stay home with that, prior to my hire at the church gym, I took on a paper route for a whole day. We very much liked the house we were renting but it wasn’t for sale. One day driving around a suburban neighborhood, we passed a French Provincial up for sale that nearly put us in a spell. It was beyond our means and well beyond our personalities. Still, we were mesmerized. Keith said, “Baby, I can get this house for you but only by the skin of my teeth. We won’t be able to buy a single new piece of furniture for it. Are you good with that?” I promised that I was and we put money down on it. We were beside ourselves. A few weeks later, just before we were to close on it, Keith walked in our rent house and sat me down at our kitchen table. “Honey, I withdrew our offer on the house.”

“What?? But we put money down on it!”

“Yep, we did. Money we couldn’t spare and won’t get back but we’d have had to spend nearly that same amount of money every single month on a house payment. It’s beyond us. It’s not our house.”

I cried for about 45 seconds and then was so relieved I could have done a freedom dance. I knew he was right and I was pained but so very thankful he pulled the plug. A number of months later as the bottom dropped out of the oil industry, leaving Houston in one of the biggest buyer’s markets of its history, we came upon a house going into foreclosure. It was still a lot for us to spend but we bought it.

And lived in it, fought in it, made up in it, prayed in it, swore in it, ate in it, sobbed in it, laughed in it and tucked children into bed in it for the next 27 years. We were deliriously happy in it. We were woefully miserable in it. You don’t live that long anywhere just one way. Long life happened there, meaning that those walls saw all manner of good, bad, and really ugly. But it snuggled us and hid us and harbored us for nearly thirty years. I hung my children’s baby pictures on those walls, then their school pictures with no front teeth. Then pictures with mouths full of braces, then pictures in their volleyball uniforms, then, be still my heart, their wedding portraits. Then I hung frames on those brittle walls with grandbabies’ pictures captured within.

For years I planted petunias in the flowerbeds in late Spring and, when I needed an emotional outlet, pulled up weeds with a fiery vengeance. Keith or I one dragged big ugly trashcans to the end of the driveway every Monday and Thursday then back to the garage when they were empty.

I parked a brown and beige station wagon on the broken concrete beside that house when we moved in and didn’t replace it until the wheels and doors threatened to come off.

And I loved it. It was home. As one who has nursed a lifelong aversion to change, I declared over and over again that I would never leave that house and that, when I died, Keith would have to dig a hole in the small back yard and bury me in it. At that very front curb, I waited for the school bus to pick up my girls in the morning and bring them home in the afternoon. At that very curb, my daughters’ boyfriends drove up to get them and a few hours later kissed them goodnight with me peeking through the mini-blinds. At that very curb, the postman dropped decades of utility bills – many overdue – and credit card bills that Keith Moore insisted we pay off in full every month no matter how little we had left. And now I’m so glad but then it seemed a tad restrictive for a mom who loved to take her girls to the mall.

That same house could tell terrible tales on me. Oh, what grace God has lavished on us. What mercy and forgiveness! But, amid the roller coaster that has always been Keith and me, and the tears and regrets, oh my word, the prayers that have been prayed in that house are too many to estimate. And certainly not just my own. Many of my girlfriends remember the years when we had monthly prayer breakfasts in that simple home. We’d all meet first in the den where I’d share a devotional then we’d break up in small groups and invade every room in the house and intercede for our loved ones and pray for our own needy hearts, all too often crushed by this or that hurt. I am convinced down to my marrow that God used prayer to spare my marriage and family. Keith believes it, too. I was a wreck in so many ways – still am in certain respects – but Jesus had convinced me early on in my adulthood that I’d have to have Him to survive with any sanity or life satisfaction. Any victim of early childhood abuse at the hand of a trusted family member will either have copious doses of Jesus or defeat. Plain and simple. No gray for folks like me.

I held stacks of journals in my lap two weeks ago and flipped through some of them and found a number of entries so painful that I could not even read them. I tore out numerous pages and wept before the Lord and thanked Him for His faithfulness and repented again, but wouldn’t have needed to, for such waves of stupidity and faithlessness. I also reminded myself to buy a shredder. Grin. Tucked into many of those journals were pages that also made me smile. Sometimes even laugh out loud. And then I’d cry again for the pure joy of Him.

Jesus has carried me in His own two everlasting arms. Me. Keith Moore. Amanda Moore Jones. Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick. He has carried us and His rock-solid biceps often took the form of brick, mortar and wood there on Blazey Drive in Houston, Texas. We’d think we’d come against something we couldn’t overcome, then He’d scoop us up and carry us kicking and screaming to the next season. Not fast enough to suit us, mind you, but eventually. Keith and I would look up and another year had come and gone and we were still married. Only once can I remember us coming to an anniversary where we did not so much as speak. And it was such a short time ago that you’d find it shocking. But, once again, Jesus took a needle and thread and sewed us loop by painful loop back together again. We’re so glad He did.

Then three years ago, I asked Keith if I could tell him something just once and he’d never remind me of it again because I was sure I’d change my mind. He said yes but he lied and we both knew it.

“I might someday consider moving.”

Keith’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he grinned ear to ear. He’d wanted to get off that busy highway near us for years.

“I said I might. But probably not.”

There were a number of things that brought me to that willingness. Keith had retired from the plumbing business and the ministry had moved to the very north edge of Houston. Our house was no longer close to our places of work. Our center had shifted. The biggest thing that changed was something unexplainable and almost irrational that finally just unraveled. The less sappy of you will need to skip to the next paragraph. Or maybe just end your reading right here. Goodness knows it’s gone on long enough. For those of you enduring this epitaph, I had this thing deep inside of me that insisted we stay in the same house so that the boy we’d had for seven years could find his way home and we’d all live happily ever after and all that confusion would be explained. Please understand that I knew it was unrealistic at the time but I couldn’t shake the idealism that it had to all work out some way – my way – and that we’d have to get a second chance so we could do a better job.

I’m so happy to tell you that I am in touch with that young man. He is darling just like he was the first time I laid eyes on him. But the fog began to clear several years ago and I was finally able to accept that the picture I had in my head was pretend. It was from a storybook etched in the mind of a romantic. Not real life. He was an adult and God had different plans for him and for us. Plans that I have to believe are for the good. We see him on occasion and I’m so thankful for the open door but we seem not to be meant to reestablish those same exact bonds.

Keith took that one tiny confession – “I might someday consider moving” – and jumped on it with both size 13 wides. It would be several years before we’d get his parents settled in the country and make arrangements to join them.

On December 14th – just 12 days ago – a moving van pulled up to my house of 27 years. Amanda, Annabeth, Melissa and I watched them empty those busy, busy rooms one box at a time. By the time that abode was back to the hollow shell we’d seen all those years ago when we first walked through it, Amanda had gone home to pick up Jackson from school and only Melissa and I were left. It was the breakfast room that got us. We stared at the spot where our dining table used to be and both burst into tears. Then each of us (crying audibly, mind you) went around the house and closed the shutters one by one and then we turned out the lights. Melissa walked on out the front door and I lagged behind for just a moment and got on that floor one last time. Face down. For the 15 thousandth time.

And I thanked God.

He did not abandon us there. Not for one minute.

We are happy out here in the country. This morning two deer were in our back yard…and lived to boast about it. Keith has promised not to kill anything here but roaches and rodents and I intend to hold him to it even though we did find wild hog tracks not far from our front door. That husband of mine has labored with all his might for months on end to make this a home for his wife. He is not a man who finds it easy to express his love with words. He expresses his love through works. And I receive this new season of our lives together with joy and with tears drying. But the thing is, I didn’t want to rush right in and start jabbering to you about the new. Not until I paid proper tribute to the old. It wouldn’t have been fitting. It deserves the dignity of a decent good-bye. It cradled a half-crazy family for nearly thirty years like it was happy to have us. Thank you for offering me the space and patience to pen so long a so long. I needed it in the worst way.

By the way, I’ve already told Keith that this is the last time I’m ever moving and that he might as well dig his boots in this dirt. After all, I’m no math-wizard, but in 27 more years I’ll be, let’s see, 81 years old. That is, if the Lord has withheld me a glimpse of His face.

And I’ll let you know how I feel about moving then.

By way of benediction, and just in case somebody’s heart needs to hear it, this place doesn’t completely do it for me any more than the one I drove away from on December 14th. One of my new appliances is already broken and the dogs get ticks out here. It’s so wonderful out in these sticks but it’s a long shot from perfect. I have a longing for something I still haven’t found. My guess is that you do, too.

 

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.

 

Hebrews 11:13-16

 

 

 

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430 Responses to “Letting Go”

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Comments:

  1. 201
    Lynn says:

    I was so glad to hear that you and your boy have re-connected. I have prayed that GOD would reunite you both at some point. I so loved the sweet stories that you would tell us in your early Bible studies about him.

    So glad the GOD is faithful! Enjoy your new home in the country!

  2. 202
    Jill says:

    The first time I read through this I was crying and my nose was running, and the only wiper I could find was an old fast food napkin. The second time I read it, words and phrases held my heart captive and resonated in my mind.

  3. 203
    Diane says:

    Oh Beth…so perfectly timed. My husband and I just moved on Dec 7th out of our home of 24.5 years where we loved, raged, failed and were saved by Jesus as we raised our two boys. Your words expressed so much of what this Christmas season has been for me. Thank you for sharing your heart. We love our new home and God has called us to open it to missionaries on furlough. We are excited. But we will never forget the faithful work he did in the previous one. I also claim I am not moving again but we’ll see…:)

  4. 204
    Denise B says:

    Beth, I so appreciate your words. I understand the pain of loss and feel it with you. My Mom died a couple of years ago and the week before Christmas my Dad sold the house. This is not the house we grew up in. But it was my Mom’s house. It had her presence in each room. I am thrilled my Dad has moved on, but it still is a loss that Mom will never grace the rooms again. I know what house my Mom is now occupying, and I will be with her one day again. That’s the place that is my home! What a joyous day that will be!

  5. 205
    Jeanette Dahm says:

    Dear Beth, What a beautiful letter. Your way with words brings us immediately into your heart and allows us to experience your story. Women are such nesting creatures and we love every inch of our nest and the history of our lives that are woven into it. I am so glad that you reunited with your “boy”. Hearing about him little by little in your bible studies I was able to empathize with that time in your life. As the tears flowed as you walked through the rooms and out the door to your new adventure I know that God was collecting them and showering you once again with His grace and mercy as you entered your new home. May He bring you much peace and joy in your “country home”.

  6. 206
    Deanna says:

    Sniff sniff. That was beautiful!!! 🙂

  7. 207
    Roxanne Worsham says:

    Dearest Beth,

    What a beautiful story of life. Your writing about closing the blinds and then getting on your face one last time in that home really made a mess out of me and my mascara. I love that you are so real with us and share so much of your life with us. Sure makes life more do-able when you have a community of God fearing and Jesus loving siestas to do it with!

    I pray you and your family make incredible memories in your new home even as you add to that family. You are precious to me and I praise God for how He has used you to touch my life and stir my soul. You are my iron sharpener!! 🙂

    Happy New Year to you and may the LORD bless you and surprise you with miracles and blessings in 2012!!!

    OXOXOXO
    Roxanne

  8. 208
    Kim Feth says:

    Beth,
    Thank you for sharing your heart in such a transparent manner. I think (know, actually) that’s why so many different women from so many different seasons of life can understand and relate. Enjoy making new memories! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
    Peace,
    Kim Feth
    Apex, NC

  9. 209
    Christy Youngblood says:

    I, too, moved last year into the woods of my husbands upbringing. Many unexpected, wonderful things have occurred, but may I tell you that decorating for Christmas next year as you pull everything out of those boxes will be a brand new adventure, as you decide where everything should go. Not to mention all the discoveries that lie ahead of budding trees and flowers you never had in your yard before and the challenge of deciding where to plant those petunias and figuring out exactly how many flats it will take to fill the bed. Enjoy and God bless! See you in a few weeks. Can hardly wait!!!

  10. 210
    sara says:

    May God richly bless you in your new home! And get some Sawyer’s Bug Lotion for the grandkids! Looking forward to the James study in January!

  11. 211
    Pamela McDonald says:

    Dear Beth,
    I am typing this through tears over this sweet story of yours. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I can so relate to this. My husband and I had to move in with my mother a few years ago to take care of her. We knew it would be easier for us to relocate than for her to give up her home. She is now 86 and having some major health problems. I already dread the day that we may be leaving this home when she is no longer here. It has been a gathering place for so long for all of our family. But we know that things change and also look forward to new memories our precious Father has in store for us.
    May you enjoy your new home and I am looking forward to hearing more wonderful stories!

    Much love,
    Pam

  12. 212
    Suzann Benson says:

    Dear Beth, With tears running down my cheeks and ready to drip off my quivering chin I read your post. The feelings are so real as we (4 years ago) moved from our home of 30 years and church of same possession of our time. There is a hurt there that cannot be described but you have done a fine job as always putting emotions into vivid words. We are in a rural area and have a bit more land here and the grandones are placing memories in this home as their moms did in the other one. Thank you for sharing. I will continue to pray for you that your new home will serve you well until you “GET HOME” ; that is what I am counting on too. Suzann

  13. 213
    Lynda Rickey says:

    My dearest Beth,
    I know that you will find the Lord just as faithful within your new walls as you have found Him within your old walls. Thanks for sharing your heart. Many, many blessings to you and yours within those walls in 2012. Love you, Lynda (Ecclesiates 3:1-14)

  14. 214
    Nita Daniel says:

    Miss Beth I am so proud you found a new home I believe it is all in God’s plan for you. You need this God put it on my heart to tell you it is going to be a good thing. And it’s ok to mourn for the old home there was a lot of living went on there. Changes are often so hard for us as women we feel like we finally got settled in and poof here comes something to mess with our comfort. I am so proud of your new beginning that house will not know what hit it with Beth Moore living there just get out the Praise music, dance for Jesus and let the praying begin. Beth have the joy, peace, rest, and all the grace God will pour out on you this new year. I think this is going to be a year of victory to God be the Glory. Keep on speaking the Word with the power of the Holy Spirit and sister I for one will receive it. May God Bless You and Keep You and May His Face Shine One you.

  15. 215
    Pam says:

    Beth,

    Thank you for this post. God’s timing is always perfect. Our house is for sale and I feel like I am in constant suspense. I don’t know if my house will sale and we are moving or if we will continue to stay where we are. We have put it in God’s hands. Pray for His will to be done in our lives. My teenage daughter does not want to move and leave her friends. She has become very angry about this situation. Pray for my family during this time.

  16. 216
    Becky says:

    After seeing your tweets about moving, I was looking forward to a blog post about it. What wonderful memories you have had–even the bad times can produce good memories.

    I began a new job last week. A huge change for me that carried a lot of anxiety with it. It may sound weird, but knowing you were moving-pushing through the uncertainty-helped calm my fears a little bit.

    Enjoy creating your new home!

  17. 217
    Carrie says:

    Beautiful. Just beautiful. Loved this post so much. Full of hope for me.

  18. 218
    Allison says:

    Mrs. Moore- this post brought me to tears. Thinking of our own time in that great neighborhood. The bonds, the family moments, everything. Thank you for sharing and I hope you have a wonderful time building your traditions in your new space.

  19. 219

    Well, that was beautifully said…and I’m an old nostalgic too so I hung on every raw, vivid description and even shed a little tear for what you’ve said goodbye to but also what you’ve said hello to. Thanks for sharing!

    Be blessed,
    Cindy K

  20. 220
    Kassie Walls says:

    I cried with you, laughed with you, smiled with you and understood. So glad you shared this with us. Hebrews 11 came up yesterday, and now two times today (counting yours) After reading your post I was reminded of another verse I read today, Isa. 43:18-19! I was just about to log off and I saw the title of your post; “Letting Go” I can’t tell you how much it affected me. There is a situation in my life, something I have believed and held onto for soooo long. But I am beginning to see where I may have to “let it go” and it hurts because I have believed that it is what God has shown me, on one hand I want to cling to it in faith because I BELIEVE– but on the other hand I feel like Abraham putting Issac on the alter. Does letting go mean I am giving up? Because I don’t want to fall down in faith– I want to be able to stand firm and believe God… Please keep me in prayer. Thanks.

  21. 221
    Leslie Farthing says:

    Beth,
    Thank you once again for sharing your heart. I love your vulnerability and authenticity. It is so comforting to read about your struggles and triumphs and to know that God uses us mightily through both. I pray you love your new home and it is filled with all kinds of do-overs where you make better choices the second (or thirtieth) time around:) I also pray that the unpacking and settling goes smoothly. I will see you in a few weeks at the Siesta party. I know you won’t recognize me but I’ll be the one(of many) grinning like a starstruck teenager with her bible open amazed at the chance to see “The Beth Moore” in person, even though this beautiful blog has helped me to realize that you are just another beautiful sister in Christ, working out her faith with fear and trembling who made the most of her calling. Love ya, toots. I’ve already planned my outfits:)!!

  22. 222
    Melany from TN says:

    Beth,

    Thank you for sharing this! The part about the boy you had in your home for 7 years really helped me, as I have recently reconnected with a girl who lived with my family for a little while when I was growing up. Like you, I have had expectations for a reunion that may not play out exactly as I had hoped. I know God is able to do anything, but His will for the restoration of our relationship may not exactly match mine. That small part of your story is what stuck out and reached me today. Thanks, and I pray for you and Keith as you enter this new phase of your lives.

  23. 223
    Courtney says:

    A couple things:
    *The resulting blog was so worth all the Twitter anticipation leading up to it! 🙂
    *Your mention of “James: Mercy Triumphs” got me all giddy, because I received the workbook for Christmas. I’m going to hold off on starting it though. I’m hoping that there will be a church in my area who will offer it, so I can be blessed by the DVD sessions as well. I don’t think I can wait too long though–I’m pretty excited about it, having followed your journey to write it, on the blog!
    *You have one of your Siestas praying for you next week at Passion on the Intercession Team…I might be biased, but you’re my favorite speaker. 🙂 Praying health, revelation, and wisdom into your life concerning the event. Are you planning on doing anything with the 1000 Scholarship Girls at the conf? I have several of my discipleship girls who were blessed with LPM’s generosity!
    *I might just explode with anticipation over SSMT Celebration…
    You are a blessing!
    Courtney 🙂

  24. 224

    Wow! What a “Hi! and Hello There!” from Jesus to me! We are also facing a potential move that I am less than thrilled about and just cannot even face right now….so your sharing this experience with us is a blessing for me for sure. Thank you and enjoy that dirt, sister-friend!
    Blessings!

  25. 225
    Anne says:

    I’ve always loved those verses from Hebrews. That statement that they were looking for “a better country” always suggests that those OT heroes weren’t just applauded for their faith. The temporary things around them weren’t good enough to satisfy, and so God was pleased with their good taste, just as we are when our kids can distinguish between a phony and the real thing.

    Thanks, Beth.

  26. 226
    Amber says:

    Dear Beth,

    I needed a “good cry” today and you came through. Grin. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I adore you to pieces and thank my Heavenly Father for your faithfulness to Him. He is so very good to us.

    Love,
    Amber, Lincolnton, NC

  27. 227
    Diana A. says:

    Huge Moments!

    New church, new home, new relationships, your heart has been busy!

    Please don’t get a new on-line family 😉

    I am not great with words, I just want to say I can feel your emotions through your words, and my heart is full for you.

    Praise God He does NO moving/changing!!!

    Change will be good, you know it, hard but good!
    I will pray for you!

    Love to you in the country with your extended family – have the girls move out too 🙂

  28. 228
    Bonnie Hayman says:

    Thank you, Beth, for putting into words the journey of MY life for the past few months. I, too, moved from my home of 20 years and into a new place not too far away. The experience of grieving, anxiety, soul-searching and just falling apart was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life. I questioned my “crisis” since it was our own doing, would be an “upgrade” and certainly did not seem to rate the level of emotions I experienced. And I felt ashamed at how laid wide open I was….Thank you for affirming that this IS B-I-G and so loaded with themes of life. I have also been coming to terms with my “heaven longing” as I see that some level of discontent remains…and that’s OK. I could write for days! But I will end by just telling you I will join the other grateful hearts who will be praying for you as you transition into this new season. And the memories will come quicker than you might think!! Much love to you!

  29. 229
    Sallie says:

    My friend,
    Thank you! We moved from the ‘burbs’ to the city in Colorado Springs, God’s call to this pastor family. It’s been six weeks now, and we love where we are, but as I read your words aloud to “my” man this morning, I wept. I realized I’d not walked the full journey of goodbye.
    Thanks for the prompting, the drawing in, and the reminder of where home really is.
    Bless your transparent and accessible heart,
    Sallie Ross

  30. 230
    Leanne says:

    September 2010, my family said good-bye to my childhood home. My parents lived there for 28 years and we had much life happen there too. Mostly sad and hard life, but the ending was something only God could do. The last day they had possession I cleaned up what was left behind while they traveled 45 minutes away to their new home. I cried so hard that it hurt. It hit me so deep, but I knew it was the really ugly cry that brings healing. With the final close of front door that I walked out so many times for school, church, dates, parties, sneaking out…I felt that it was done. I have no “longing” for what was, or the memory of saddness doesn’t hang over me. I thought I had lost it that day for crying so much, but I believe I grieved and healed fom so much that day. My parents are now 5 minutes from my house and I am glad. We are a miracle too. Congratualtions on letting go.

  31. 231
    JJ says:

    Luv your transparency Beth! You have a beautiful family. Your heart spoke so specifically to mine in this post about eternity. I’ve been diagnosed this year with an incurable chronic condition that I has changed my whole perspective on life. During an intense battle with the sickness recently, God impressed in my heart that “nothing else matters more than our relationship with Him.” You are a gift to all Christian women. I cherish the integrity that’s attachd to your life. For those of us who never had a Godly mother… Your ministry speaks volumes to us. Congrats on this new chapter of your family’s life. Luv ya sister Beth!!!

  32. 232
    Gail Morris says:

    Bravo to you, Beth! Change always requires BIG steps and you did it!

    There you are standing on new ground. I praise God that He’s brought you into a new place. I’m sure there’s at LEAST one neighbor who needs YOU and Keith as their God-fearing, God-loving examples.

    From a woman who’s moved more than 14 times in her life, thanks for sharing your story and doin’ this thang in the footsteps that lead to His glory!

  33. 233
    Deana says:

    Thank you for that…my family and I just moved from our 1st “owned” home as well on December 13th…into what I consider the boondocks 🙂 …my man has always wanted to be in the country as well and with a new job himself, we decided to move closer that way, and found ourselves a nice log cabin, which my boys love. Leaving behind so many memories and 1st’s, it has been bitter sweet. Its comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this same situation, with similar feelings and emotions, and I am thankful to be reminded why I feel this way considering that we have been blessed in so many ways…its that longing for something that I still haven’t found. God Bless you & your family, and your new home. Merry Christmas!

  34. 234
    Tammy says:

    Oh Mama Beth,
    Congrats on your new home and seeing your boy. I had tears over both. God is so good. But I have to confess you are much braver than me. I mean for goodness sake you moved ten days before Christmas sweet Mama! I am pretty sure I might have had a meltdown. So I thought you were brave to do that in such a classy way. I am sure you will have many happy and treasured memories here too.

    love to you and your sweet family

  35. 235
    Shannon Costanzo says:

    Wow this brought back memories of when my parents moved from my childhood home to a new home in a new state of Ga.
    Just glancing at the walls thinking back on where all my heart throb posters once hung. They had repainted my pink to a beige. It was a bittersweet time.
    Enjoy your new adventure in your new home.
    Love,
    Shannon Costanzo

  36. 236
    Debra says:

    Dear Berh, what a beautiful testimony. I had the opposite life in that I don’t have a ” home place”. I made myself remember my grandparents home and thought of it as home. Now I really really realize that my home place my Father supplyed for me is what I have longed for all this time! Once again Beth, God uses your moments to teach me truths or remind me of truths that come from the Father we all share. Congrats on your new home away from home and may this earthly home be filled with rich and beautiful memories and 1000000’s of prayers. I’m praying for you like always. You, too, siestas!!!!!
    Debra
    El Dorado, AR

  37. 237
    Shari says:

    Oh how I wept as I read this!!!

    First because we, too, are in the process of moving. My husband has been here for 16 1/2 years but I’ve been here only 13 years (when we married). 13 is a far cry from 27 but I will still miss this home!!!

    Second, I cried because I’ve wondered about your boy for years. Our two daughters were given to us by the gift of adoption and each time I have thought of you and wondered how that little boy is now. SOOO glad that you have talked with him!! I will be praying for him!!!

    His,
    Shari

  38. 238
    Robin in New Jersey says:

    What a beautiful story. Enjoy your new home!

    One question: You have a son? I had no idea.

    • 238.1
      Beth says:

      No, it was Keith’s cousin’s son and she was unable to parent him at the time. We believed at the time it was permanent so we went by Mom and Dad during that season.

  39. 239
    Sandy Smith says:

    I love you, Beth Moore. You are a blessing to me in more ways and for longer ways than you will ever know. I’ll explain in heaven one day or in a personal letter one day, but for now…you have helped this wife get ready to tell her man “I’m ready to move, honey.” I just know God is smiling about this. I will be taking the concrete foot prints of our children scattered around the various places we stuck their little feet (and sometimes big feet) as we added, remodeled and repaired over the past 28 years. Other than that, if you can do it, I know I can too.

  40. 240
    Amie says:

    Beth,
    I am so happy to hear that you are in touch with the son you helped raise. I always hoped that would happen and you would tell us. We have lived in 21 “homes” in my husband’s 30 yr military career. I would so love to have the perfect home I always dreamed about to retire in, but that is not in the plans for now. However, I also always wanted white cabinets like my grandmother had, so my husband and son are putting them in the kitchen as we speak! YEAH!
    Best wishes in your home, your memories won’t be about your last home, they will be about the people who went through those doors.
    Happy New Year!
    Amie

    • 240.1
      WendyB says:

      Amie, thank you so much for serving! I joined the army family in mid-life, but my husband is on pcs #17 in 28 years. We look forward to that forever home as well!

  41. 241
    Sharon J. says:

    Thank you for sharing, I was glad to hear you had seen your boy… You touched my heart and I cried alot… It’s good to give honor to the old and then embrace the new.. I am not a fan of change.. But it happens whether I’m a fan or not! God is good!

  42. 242
    Greta says:

    Beth..before I got to the end of the story, I knew it was your boy and your dream that kept you there..I share that with you – I have a boy (now a man but with a child’s mind) and for reasons I can’t explain, I too do not want to leave the house that he grew up in.

    You see, he was once a normal little red haired little boy and we had so many hopes and dreams for his life. Unfortunately, the Lord chose us to be the parents of a severely mentally ill young man.

    My home shares all of the same things yours did, we have lived here 42 years. I still walk by his room and remember, but God is so faithful and my boy now is safe in an Assisted Living..Still, when I can bring him home (for holidays and short visits), he comes to the only place he feels safe..

    There will come a time when I will let go of the memories – I have let go of all of the bitterness, anger, regrets and now only ask God to provide me with the Strength to be his Mom..

    Thank you for sharing your story..I have been priviledged to have done most of your studies and knew your story well. The courage you had at that time, gave me courage to face my journey.

    Bless you in your new home.

  43. 243

    Thanks for sharing, Beth! Keeps us updated on “country living”…

    When my hubby and I moved to “the country” (in Corpus Christi, TX), I’ve learned that barn cats are good to help keep mice and rattle snakes away,a cow-hide rug is a fabulous decorating piece in the house and I always keep my camera close by to take photos of the random critters that come around the property.

    Enjoy your new home!!!

  44. 244
    all shall be well says:

    Dear Beth,
    Once again, thanks for sharing your heart and your life with us. What a tumultuous time in your life, so glad Jesus is always the same……..
    karen 🙂

  45. 245
    Michelle says:

    Wow that was awesome. I needed the last half and I love how candid you are about letting go. Feel like I’m right there with you…oh wait I am but I’m here living my life.

    Thanks for being you.

  46. 246
    Terri says:

    As someone who has moved 10 times in 15 years of marriage, and who, in my whole life of living have never lived anywhere longer than 3.5 years… this post made me cry!!! We are renting now, so another move is in our future at some point. I just want to be planted…. Someday that might be the Lord’s plan for me. Thanks for taking so long to say so long! Blessings!

  47. 247
    Laurenl says:

    Beautiful, Beth! My parents took in a young man when I was in middle school… he was in high school. It was a difficult time of adjustment but one that I believe God intended for good. While we are no longer as close as we once were, as an adult I can see how my parents influenced not just him, but his entire extended family. I am so glad that you and your boy are once again in contact. I know that I don’t need to tell you this, but nothing God uses us for is in vain. Blessings to you and your man in the country… and good luck to all those wild animals =)

  48. 248
    Sandy Royals says:

    Beth,

    When you share your heart, I know it beats so similiarly to mine! we are still in our home of nearly 20 years raising our 20, 18, and 16 year olds sons. (Well, when the older 2 are home from college!) Our home has grown with us and has served us so beautifully. We are grateful that we own it, it does not own us! As you recalled your parenting and marriage years, I was walking down menory lane alongside you. Such miracles that my husband and I are still married and such grace that we didn’t completely mess our chilren up completely!!

    May your new chapter be rich with new memories! Can’t wait to start the James study in January!

  49. 249
    Gretchen says:

    Dear Beth,

    I pray your new home is a place of respite and rest and refreshment and joy and especially love.

    Sometimes it seems like life is a series of opportunities of letting go. It seems like we have endure the loss to get to the next thing. I guess it ends when we finally let go of this life and then we go home for good — and then no more moving forever! What a day that will be.

    Thank you sharing and being real.

    Blessings,

    Gretchen

  50. 250
    Madelin says:

    Beloved Siesta Mama Beth
    Thank you for sharing your heart, memories, trials and victories so willingly with Siestaville. You have blessed me and countless others through your transparent writings.

    When I began reading the tears flowed softly down my cheeks. By the time I reached the part that you’ve reconnected with Michael the tears were literally squirting out my eyes. I bawled uncontrollably at the thought of you and Melissa closing the shutters one by one and picturing your moment face down before God for the 15K time took me over the top. In a good way of course.

    Part of all the tears is how deeply it resignates with my circumstances. I am at a crossroad knowing there are moves in my future which I’ve delayed praying for another outcome. I loathe moving and everything associated with it. God has a sense of humor I get to move myself and my parents. Pray for me y’all. Our God is definitely Faithful even when it’s not how we want it to work out.

    Who knew you could tell by the tracks at your front door no less that it was a wild hog??? This city girl has learned all manner of things about country livin, hunting, hiking, bears, deers etc. here in Siestaville.

    Siesta Mama you are dearly loved and appreciated far more than you will ever know. You model godly womanhood with such grace challenging us to live worthy of our calling as Godly Siesta’s. Thank You

    God Bless You and Your New Home.

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