First Installment: Meet My Sister
Second Installment: The Functioning Years
Third Installment: The Maelstrom
Fourth Installment: Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight
Fifth Installment: Stepping Out On the Water
Sixth Installment: A Different Street
With a heart spilling over with affection and wonder, I hand you joyfully to my beloved sister, Gay, for her final installment in this powerful series. Don’t worry. I don’t believe this will be the last time you ever hear from her on this blog. I’ll get her to chime in here and there if she feels the leadership of God. But, still, this is a tender moment, watching her wrap up this gorgeous streaming testimony of Christ’s unfathomable grace. That same grace also saved and delivered me. Saved and delivered you, if you’ve let Him. If you do not know Jesus yet and you have never received the gift of His life offered for you on the Cross – a gift you cannot earn or deserve or be born into – and the power of His resurrection that strips us from our grave clothes and covers us in robes of righteousness, do not wait another day. Today is the day of your salvation. Get down on your knees, lift your face toward Heaven and express to God in your own words that, by faith, you willingly and earnestly receive His glorious Gift and desire to be saved, to turn from your own destructive way, and to follow Him. Believe with your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. And, Child, YOU WILL BE SAVED. And nothing – I do mean nothing – will ever be able to take eternal life from you.
My beloved big sister, I will let you take it from here. Words fail me to express my appreciation. We are changed by what Christ has done through you here. He alone will be able to give you a precise account of the lives altered. “My brothers (and my SISTERS), if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20 You, Gay, have been this “WHOEVER” to so many.
And, now, from her pen…
Hi Sisters!
My life is so sweet today both on the outside and on the inside. Much has improved since I walked off the concrete. Improved would be an understatement. Wildly improved, exorbitantly improved, inconceivably improved would be far more expressive. Gregg was right when he said that we cannot fathom the dreams and plans that God has for us. Paul knew it too when he wrote his first letter to the Corinthians. God might have told him about it but my guess is that he had experienced it after he fell to the ground on the dusty Road to Damascus.
“However, as it is written:
What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV
When I got here in mid-April of 2009, all I asked for was sobriety and a roof over my head. I’ve said many times to many people, “Sobriety is the best gift I’ve ever been given in my life and if it’s the only one I ever get, ITS ENOUGH!!” And it would have been enough, Ladies. Quality sobriety has brought great abundance into my life: trustworthiness, integrity, self-respect, meaningful relationships with my children and siblings, employment, housing, improved health, the ability to feel, etc. I am so grateful for it that I sometimes burst into tears and I always, ALWAYS thank God for another day sober in my every prayer. I am still very clear that it comes first, that the devil is not very creative and that He hasn’t forgotten how to tempt me and lie to me in the same old ways. So I keep it first on my priority list, always. I never become complacent to the fact that I have the disease of alcoholism. It’s in my brain and all I have to do is tip that celebratory drink and the beast will come forth just like it did the last time. It doesn’t have to prove that to me again. (Step 1, by the way.)
However, sobriety is not all I got! I have gotten, first and foremost, a continually healing and fully restored FAMILY. Although Tut and I did not reconcile marriage-wise, our relationship today is one of acceptance, trust and solid teamwork where the boys are concerned. We are today – and will forever be – very dear to one other. I know, I know, we girls like a Cinderella story but really, don’t fret. I’ve got my Prince!
The two little boys in Sugar Land? They are just WONDERFUL!! The three of us are wound so tight that they sometimes wish I would pop free. Not happening!! They’re not getting rid of me, not any time soon anyway. Zach is now 26 years old, a graduate of Savannah College of Art and Design with a Bachelor of Arts in Visual Effects and has been gainfully employed since 3 weeks after graduation in 2008 as a 3D Render Artist. He is the best person I have ever known and never loses sight of his God-given purpose for this season of his life which is to take care of Josh. He has laid his life down for his brother and their souls are knit together as one. They will have that for a lifetime, long after Tut and I are called Home. God so wonderfully works all things together for good for those who love Him.
Josh is 17 years old and in his senior year of high school. I don’t know which one of us has enjoyed his senior year more, him or me. I’ve spent this entire school year with him soaking up every single minute trying to make up for years lost. I know that our days together are numbered now that he is becoming a man. There have been many miracle moments between a redeemed mother and a once abandoned child where I have so wished to press the pause button to freeze them in time yet a moment longer. He has grown so much inside and out, come out of his shell, become Josh apart from the rest of us. I have fallen head over heels in love with him as with his brother. One especially thrilling moment was during opening night of this year’s high school musical, The Wizard of Oz, on January 28th. I sat perched on about the 5th row of Rogers Auditorium as the curtain opened on Kansas. Josh had been cast as the Cowardly Lion just two months before. Although some of my family members have quite a stage presence, I certainly didn’t know Josh was one of them. I was impressed out of my mind that he had learned his lines. All of them! When he sprung onto the stage in all of his Cowardly Glory I squealed with laughter, cried for reasons unknown and cheered out loud all at the same time. I had seen him grow over the weeks but I was, in no way, prepared for fully Josh. He was confident, accomplished, ironically COURAGEOUS, adorable, funny and oh so entertaining. He was fully himself, fully Josh, fully alive. He stole the show and it took my breath away. I sat in awe during those miracle moments with my hands clasped at my chin whispering “Thank You, God” over and over again. I realized that God had not only healed me but that He was healing my son as well. Josh’s performance that night was brilliant with the absolute highlight being his delightfully humorous delivery of the song King of the Forest. How appropriate is that? Applause please!!!
One quick note: I haven’t had to preach to my children or grovel over my past mistakes. I have simply had to stay sober, be present and fully engaged, and shine the Light. God so masterfully takes care of the rest.
I also got the best job on the face of the planet, handpicked just for me. I work at Mercy Street! You knew that already. At around one year sober, I just so happened to be making my way through the still buzzing Mercy Street hallway that I had come to call home. I rarely got an opportunity to have a personal conversation with Gregg Taylor, most beloved, most popular “street” pastor. He most often has a captivated audience. But somehow (we all know how) I did this particular night. I was looking for a job, uh … an office job, and Mercy Street just so happened to have had their Administrative Assistant’s position come available that very week. Now, you might think that was mere coincidence but I have come to believe that coincidence is simply God’s way of remaining anonymous. That job was mine! I knew it from the minute Gregg spoke it and I cried all the way through the service that night. God meant for me to be employed at Mercy Street where I could most effectively carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers and to anyone who might have lost hope. I heard Beth say during the Esther series that our destinies cannot be severed from our histories. I was so perfectly placed at Mercy Street not despite where I had been but BECAUSE of where I had been, and where I had been delivered from.
When I got to New Hope 35 months ago today I looked long and hard at the steps hanging on the wall and my eyes rested on the words “a power greater than ourselves.” I was a weakling when I got there. I was beaten up, burned out and practically in a fetal position. The cat was a power greater than me! I didn’t need a power greater than myself — I needed a power greater than King Alcohol. I needed the biggest, baddest power of them all! I needed a great power with extraordinary muscle, strength and COURAGE. I needed the King of the Forest. I needed the King of the Universe. I needed the King of Kings…
“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17
… so I set out to find Him through His way for my life that day and each day since.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV
On the 20th day of next month I will have 3 full years of sobriety. Wow!! None of us humans, especially anyone who knew me before sobriety, would have ever dreamed I would have YEARS of sobriety. The fact that I am walking through this life, taking care of business, parenting, working, paying bills, doing laundry, laughing, crying (and everything in between) SOBER after a lifetime of drinking is, well … a flat-out miracle from God!
I try to imagine sometimes what exactly happened in the heavens that night under the bridge. In my limited mind’s eye, I see Almighty God in the image of man sitting at a grand oak desk drumming His holy fingers across the surface among dozens of beautiful, INCONCEIVABLE plans, drawings and designs. He’s waiting, whistling and waiting, drumming and waiting, patiently but not nervously waiting. He’s known it was coming since the foundation of the world but I like to think that He gets a hint of sweet satisfaction in being the Boss and whispering, “Hurry up, Gay, we’re waiting!” I think that even before the aching, desperate cry of “God, please help me” fully crossed my lips He had already leapt from desk to chariot and, with a loud trumpet sound, shouted to His angel armies, “She’s ready! Go get her!!” He knew, even though I didn’t know, that I had surrendered and that I would be willing to lay down my own failed plans and follow the ones He had custom drawn for me, just for ME. Upon His great command, the armies must have flown across the heavens in all of His Amazing Glory to the intersection of Sabo Road and the Sam Houston Tollway where the first appointed angel stepped through the veil as Tut in the flesh. Or maybe the first appointed was Zach who, knowing where I was, had asked his father to go fetch me for fear I would die that very night. Or maybe the first appointed was Jerry who had gotten us from Galveston to Houston in the first place that rainy Spring in 2009. Who knows? Only One. All I know is that they were all appointed.
I did not do this by myself, Sweet Sisters. An ARMY of “angels” wrapped in human skin have helped me and were strategically placed in my life by Almighty God Himself. There is no amount of white space for me to list them all and some names I don’t even remember if I ever knew them at all. From the street to New Hope to The Women’s Home to Mercy Street to Living Proof — from Southeast Houston to Pasadena to Montrose to Sugar Land — from a power greater than myself to Jesus, the One and Only. They were and are everywhere if we only open our eyes to see, our hands to receive and our hearts to feel. I don’t believe that any two of us cross paths by mistake or mere coincidence. I believe that the positive, negative and seemingly insignificant people, places and situations add value to our lives based on how we respond to them and learn from them. Its all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change — being transformed by the renewing of our minds. I only hope to have the most honorable assignment of being divinely appointed by Almighty God Himself to reach out to a friend in need, a fellow sojourner, a perfect stranger, a ragamuffin, the hurt, the lost, the seeking. Here am I, Lord. Please send me.
I stepped out on my back porch the other morning and in more of a casual talk with God rather than a prayer I cried, “Oh thank You, oh thank You, God, for not letting me die before I got this, before I got You, this sweet relationship, this rollercoaster of a ride, this ebb and flow of faith, trust and sheer awe that leaves me begging for MORE. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this. It would have been such a shame to have missed this. Thank You for saving me so that I could experience this … experience You. You are the Love of my life. You are the Great Love of my life. And I am Yours.”
I know today despite my shortcomings, failures and imperfections that to Him I am Beautiful, I am Redeemed and I am Loved. I have been seized by the Power of a Great Affection. I have been Saved. I have been Forgiven. I have been raised from the dead to walk in New Life. I have been Resurrected. Wow! It just doesn’t get any better than that, does it? Not in this life.
I have a CD of Travis Cottrell in my car that I like to listen to LOUD. Track 9 is an old hymn with a new and wildly improved sound. The ending words have never once failed to bring on the tears. They go like this:
The redeemed will sing forever,
The redeemed will sing forever,
The redeemed will sing forever
Jesus Saves.
Amen and Amen.
Dear Sisters,
I thank you for letting me share with you my story or, better yet, Christ’s story weaved into mine. It has been one of the greatest privileges of my new life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for each and every comment and word of encouragement. This divine assignment has been quite a challenge and I needed you all to charge me on. You became like my angel army in this endeavor. Isn’t that so cool? I have watched you minister to each other and pray for each other and pray for ME. I’ve experience many miracle moments sitting at this computer, reading and typing and trying my best to let God speak to you through my mumbling and fumbling to express the Inexpressible. Our testimonies have much power, don’t they? People love to hear that Jesus still saves even today. We love to see tangible evidence of it too. We love to see living proof! Thanks Beth, for giving us this beautiful venue and for giving me an opportunity that would have only lived in my dreams. You’re the best! I’m pretty sure that I’ll never be the same after this experience.
And again, thank You, oh thank You, my sweet Jesus for loving me and showering me with Amazing Grace. I love you with all my heart. I am Yours always. All of me.
Loved you are,
Gay
Thank you for sharing the beautiful story of Jesus in your life!! I will carry your story with me! Your testimony encourages and uplifts my soul and I praise Him for what He has done in your life!
Kimberly from Northern Michigan
Just LOVE what Jesus has done in and through you Gay!!! After printing off each installment, I would sit and read over each portion of your story … highlighting things that resonated in my heart. Putting big stars by things that rocked my spirit. Also, for the last several years our Wednesday Night Bible Study has reached out to women who are in jail. Most of them are caught in the cycle of addiction and abuse and find themselves in and out of jail. Recently, I began to mail each installment into a gal I’ve been in contact with. Then other gals came to mind..who don’t have internet access. Now I carry a few copies of your installments. :] Your story gives us all hope that no one has gone beyond the reach of Jesus. I pray you are encouraged at how He is using YOU and your story for His Kingdom. One of the jail ministries we do is to purchase and mail books in. The books that are the most loved (and worn out..and tend to disappear) are those written by people… that the inmates can identify with. Stories of redemption and victory in Jesus. Perhaps it’s time for you to write a book Gay! ♥
Rhonda — I can barely write this response because I am so moved by your words. I don’t know how it is that God can take something so devastating, so painful, so awful and turn it into something so Beautiful, Beautiful. The words to Francesca’s song come back to mind and I am overcome with emotion. Not that I am all that beautiful but that the TRANSFORMATION OF LIFE and the power of its effect on others is so beautiful, even breathtaking! Only God. Only God. I’ve known since the beginning that Only God but I am still blown away today at His most awesome power if we only do as He asks. I promised Him that I would do that in the early months of sobriety but I had NO IDEA it would be this big. He’s just a Mind Blowing God, isn’t He??
My sweet friend, Mary, sent me these words from Paul:
“12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Timothy 1:12-17
The grace of the Lord was poured out on me ABUNDANTLY. I surely couldn’t have said it better myself!
Again, thank you for your kind words and your encouragement, my Sista!!
Loved you are,
Gay
Yes. I like the idea of a book!
I have just finished reading all of the installments andi am so thankful! Thank you Jesus.
As many others, I’m sure, your story is an encouragement because I am family to two different addicts, one a sex addict and one, an alcoholic.
The pain is sometimes too much to explain.
your words help to teach me about alcoholism and addiction.
your words aid in bringing hope.
thank you,
Sally
I just finished reading the last installment of your testimony and am so THRILLED to once again see God change a life from defeat to victory! Thank you for sharing so openly of what God has done in your life through His love and resurrecting power! Blessings to you, sweet sister, as you walk the path with the rest of us who are head-over-heels in love with Jesus!
I so enjoyed reading Gay’s story. How awesome! She writes like her sister, Beth, making the choice for living for God so obvious and simple. Thank you for sharing and please post a current picture of Gay so we can see her with God shining through her!
Dearest Gay, thank you for sharing your story of redemption through Jesus Christ. Each installment has slain me, brought me to tears and given me a hope and evidence of God’s amazing love. I also rejoice with you and your loved ones that God allowed you to live and see His plan for you unfold.
Your story is beautiful and beyond words. Thank you for allowing us to see a glimpse of God’s magnificent work.
In Christ’s Love,
Elayne
Hi, I’m Shellie and I’m an alcoholic and I just got my 24 hour chip tonight and I think maybe I’ll make it. Thank you for sharing your story, Gay.
You go girl!! Congratulations! Hang in there.
Gay, there is nothing sweeter, more breathtaking, deeper stirring, than the story of a redeemed addict. Your words have jumped off the page at me, in every writing, I have cried, laughed, grinned and hugged you – from afar! I have over 2 decades sober yet every day is a new gift, a new dawn, with new mercies from the Holy One. There is nothing like a sober, fully alive, recovered follower of Christ and I am so grateful that you are experiencing what so many want and haven’t yet gotten, but, if they choose, they can and will. God is good and He loves us into eternity if we will let Him. Thank you so much for sharing!!
I got a lot goosebumps at the mental picture of God jumping up from a desk covered with plans, even as you were just beginning to turn towards the truth and freedom, the first breaths of being ready and the chariot was off!! To the ordinary intersection of streets in Houston, under a bridge. Wonderful. Goosebumps, followed by laughing out loud. ( : WE ARE Living Proof — great reminder. Thank you.
Dearest Gay ~ “To God be the glory great things He hath done”. My sister too, has recently been redeemed and given new life in Christ, with a future and a hope! My prayer is that the dependence on alcohol will recede as she strengthens in her walk of faith on a daily basis. Through your powerful blogs the LORD has deeply ministered to me as well, and I was able to make a connection between “sugar” and alcohol. I had been addicted to sugar and felt deprived if I didn’t get a taste on a daily basis! My husband and I decided to do a “Daniels fast” together and we have been off sugar (and all “whites”) now for over 84 days and I have lost 35 lbs. (My husband has lost 28 lbs.) I am only 5 lbs away from a normal weight and have shed shame in the process! My scripture verse that I have been standing on is this: “I beeseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world; but be ye thransformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Ro. 12:1-2. Gay, your posts reveal what a wonderful “wordsmith” you are, and I hope and pray you will use them to “springboard” into writing a book that will help so many. God bless you again and again for your sharing and lighting up our world! You are an able minister of the gospel with an end-day clarion call…heaven will tell!
Blessings and much love,
Pam H.
Gay –
I have NEVER experienced anything as raw and transparent as this series of blogs have been. When I speak to broken women and tell them my story, I say that even as limited as we are, Grace is best known by the person that God pulls out of the muck and mire found in the depths of Hell. Your words illustrated that point so clearly.
So many people need to hear your story and experience your story of recovery. Please continue to share with us what God’s doing in your life. Ahh, the plans that God has for YOUR life …. I will be watching for more stories from you.
May God continue to bless you, dear sister!
I sorta think this is a problem that was solved primarily through violence, albeit not our violence. The Syrian rebels didn’t exactly tack a list of demands on the door.
So so beautifully written….but even if it were written in scratch the story of God’s unfathomable love would still be unbelievably beautiful. Thanks for sharing your life with us Gay. You are an inspiration!
Trudy
Gay:
I have an idea of where Josh got the courage he displayed on that stage…
His momma is living it before him.
I am so grateful a friend of mine shared this blog with me. You told my story right up until the point just before you became homeless. By the grace of God I did not have to become homeless before I gave up…but I was oh so close. I drank for 30 years. I too uttered those crazy words “Maybe I have a drinking problem” in 1986. I finally put down the booze July 12, 2010. Decades of being controlled and living in the “functioning” years you so perfectly described. Thank you for bring the message of AA and message of Jesus together. AA and my sisters there brought be to sobriety and a design for living and Jesus was/is behind it all, but you put into words what I have always wanted to express. I want you to know that just last week I began reading your blog to my AA sisters I meet with on Thursdays. They absolutely loved it! Two of them are still struggling to give up completely and are looking for hope and want me to read more. I will be bringing the entire 7 entries of your blog to our meeting next Thursday. We read and it opens up all kinds of discussion and Jesus is in the middle of it. Thank you for being so open and for answering the question of why God did not take away my desire to drink all those years when I prayed and prayed for him to do so. I simply wasn’t ready. But, He was waiting for me…waiting and ready to pick up the peices of my life when I was finally through. I have 1 year and 8 months of wonderful sobriety, liberty, and freedom from 30 years of obsession and addiction. God heals me and frees me a little more each day. Each day I do the work he has set out for me…whatever that is…because I know that my sobriety is truly based on my relationship with Him. I, like you, and so many others who have been freed, are walking miracles given a gift so great that I have a hard time expressing it…but your blog says all that I wanted to say. Thank you so much! God is using you to touch so many, and in turn we get to touch others and so fulfill the purposes and plans he has for us. God bless you!
I stumbled upon this blog for the first time today. Let me say “thank you” for putting up links for the previous 6 installments, because I was able to hear your story from beginning to end. I cried and rejoiced through each piece. Your story, and our amazing God, has touched some very tender, hidden places in my heart. It’s given me that extra boost I needed. God bless you
This is more of a question than a comment at this point. I heard something concernig Beth Moore that I pray with all my heart is not true, and I WILL NOT believe it unless you confirm it to be true. I heard it said that Beth is aligned with others, such as Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in California, in the movement to create “Crislam”, the so-called combining of Christianity and Islam. I and all of us who have been helped by the Father through Beth need and deserve to know the truth. It will be my privilege and duty to speak up for her every chance I get if what I heard is a lie from the pit. I await your e-mailed response. Thanks so much, with love and prayers, Lydia<
Wow! I have been following your story and it is amazing! Thank you for the courage to share it. I’m thrilled that God has given such great gifts in your sobriety. Oh how I love Him!!!
I cried my eyes out over each installment, and anxiously waited for the next one.
What courage God has given you to be so authentic in your writing.I hope you never stop writing, and I hope we continue to hear from you!
We serve an awesome God don’t we?
Rejoicing with you as you celebrate another year no longer living like a zombie. I am honored to be part of your forever family sistah!!!!
Your story reminds me of my Dad. He has been sober now for 20 years! It is a beautiful thing to see God at work! He gives us beauty for our ashes!!! Amen!!! 🙂
To God be the glory!!! I love that you called it Christ’s story weaved into your life! We are all His story!!!
I have immensely enjoyed reading your installments. I have laughed and cried, sometimes at the same time! Although I cannot empathize with you, I can sympathize because, big or small, we all have troubles that need help from the One True Saviour! Praise God for all the work He has and is doing in you and through you!
I will not say much on here but I happened upon this blog post and after reading the installments I know without a doubt I need to talk to someone. Please I don’t want anyone to know who I am but if you could point me in the right direction for counseling please. My life is very similar to Beth’s testimony and to her sister’s and I have had counseling in my life before but I am in need again. I don’t have a lot of money and my husband is not a believer in counseling but I am. Thanks,
Anonymous
Beth, Thank you for your very relevant ministry. I am in the middle of the James study, have memorized chapter 1–working on 2, and continue to be transformed by the Living Word of God.
Why I am commenting…I loved your sisters testimony…I would LOVE to hear from her periodically.
Blessings on your life, family and ministry!
Gaye,
Thanks so much for sharing this. God had me in tears for each installment. I have been blessed to not have an addiction to alcohol, but just around the time you started writing these God brought a woman to me who did. I’ve never walked alongside someone with this problem, and I’ve been able to share your story with her. It’s been a huge encouragement. Thank you for sharing it!
Also- congrats on 3 years of sobriety!! God is good! Also, any and all prayers for my friend, Darleen, are so appreciated.
God bless you!
Gay, I feel that I have been blessed by your presence in your sharing so openly of your journey thus far. I too was in a meeting not too long ago, and said the words, of how thankful I to be to not have died and missed this. because I dont have to be “active” to have pain. life still hurts even when clean. and just the way you wrote it, “Lord,..I need the steps in my life but I need your word in my life too.” YES! and the jesus-talk is not so much welcome in the meetings alot of times. I’ve been sent on along my way more than once for saying jesus or god in a meeting without it being used as a cuss, ya know? I’ve been told to keep my jesus to myself. Ive been told to go to hell and take my jesus with me. Ive been told that i to say higher power, not all this god- business. but I’m not in Those meetings now. because my god has.. reached in and told me.. when I was to move on and has led me in the direction in which to go, to find the meetings that god would have me to Be in, where jesus is not a cuss, here where I now am, jesus is a most welcome presence… and that is just so much needed, isnt it? for persons such as the two of us.. I think so, and I am thankful for your presence in my life today. I’ve been looking back some ..step-work and such.. and see how God took that prayer of “God please help me”, and god did, he directed me as to where to go and to whom to go, and I just went, because I knew that on my own, I had nothing to live for anymore, and God stuck me in a bible study written by your little sister and she helped to open my heart to a Jesus I’d known Of since birth but had never really known in the way that has come about since,…that was 4 years ago. for a time I just hung on to the words of your sister as though they be a lifeline.. and today, it’s Your words that I Have Read this afternoon, all seven installments in one sitting, and where you speak of Gregg your pastor, where you wrote: “I heard him say that I am more than They think I am; I am more than I think I am; I am more than I Think God thinks I am; I am who God thinks I am, who God says I am!” Ohh,..I just soo much needed to be ministered to with those words, Today. god knew that, even though you wrote them March5 and I read them May8, God knew that would Be just that way, God knew this.. isnt God special this way?? thank you so much gay, and thanks to your little sister too.
Dear Gay, at each installment I have just sat before the Lord and cried. He is AMAZING !! I love how he saved you, transformed you, and is using you to powerfully impact lives. I am changed forever by what God has been teaching me and you said it so beautifully, we have to DO the work. We have to DO what we have been taught in the scriptures. I just finished the James study and your testimony is living proof that out of our love for him we LIVE what we believe. Thank you so much for sharing your life with me and to quote your sister to give honesty with modesty about your addiction and deliverance. May God receive all the glory and honor for your restored life and mine, and for each and every beloved child of his. With his love uniting us, take care, stay sober and one day I will meet you on the other side.
ABOUT GAY: Beth, I really, really hope you read this. I’m going to send it through facebook as well. My best friend (more like a sister) is in jail right due to multiple charges of DUI and other things that are direct consequences of her alcoholism. While she has been serving her time, I have visited her and have been writing to her regularly. At the end of each of my letters, I have copied and pasted the installments of Gay’s testimony. I got a letter from my friend the other day (a nice, long letter – love it!) and she said that as she gets my letters, she shares Gay’s blog entries with others that are in jail with her (about 75 women). Even the guards are reading them! One girl has already given her life to Christ!! Please tell Gay that no matter how satan tries to discourage or dishearten her, people’s lives are being affected and changed by her life’s story! Hope is being resurrected and instilled in the hearts of these women! Please tell Gay to PRESS ON! And that so many are covering her in prayer!
Martha — You do not know what your words mean to me. Let me assure you of this: God continues to PRESS ON with me! He WILL NOT LET ME GO, no matter how unruly, rebellious, and self-propelled I might become at times. He has brought me, sometimes carried me, through seemingly hopeless trials and situations. He has NEVER ONE TIME given up on me although I have given up on Him more than once in my life. He has NEVER ONCE failed to make good on His promises to me, time and time again, as long as I OBEY HIM. His Love for me and Patience with me, after ALL, boggles my mind and if I uttered the words “Thank You, Jesus” every minute of my life for the rest of my life, it would not be enough. Oh girl, I am pressing on because I have a most spectacular role model. NOTHING is too hard for Him! Not even ME!!! And certainly not your sweet friend. You tell her that the pursuit is worth it, that SHE is worth it, that Jesus is WORTH IT, no matter how many times we might get knocked down … or not. Today, I’m not!! Today, I’m in the ring and I’ve got a fighting chance. Today, I have the best Coach there is back in my life in full force. Wow!! I love it when that happens.
I am forever grateful for your prayers and treasure them deep within my heart. Thank you so much. They are working!
Together with you in the journey,
Gay
I have been hoping to hear some good news from or about Gay and stumbled on this today. Gay, know that so many who don’t even know you are praying for you to stay clear of Satans wide open pit! I was in it for many years and of course could return at any time, but am putting on the armor of God each day to hopefully never go back! I hope we see more publicly announced news that you are indeed on your feet and thriving!
Thank you for sharing these installments. God does have perfect timing. I just finished reading this tonight. I have been really upset because of all the trials I have been going through. I was upset and in my pride I have asked God why, when I haven’t touched alcohol, I haven’t smoked, I haven’t done drugs, I have loved you, Lord, I have obeyed you, asked for forgiveness when I failed You and yet here I am in Job chapters wondering how did I get here. No money, very sick, etc. Why did you let the devil sift me and when will I come through. Are you even still praying me through Jesus? Pride always asks “WHY me, when I have done this for You.” This reminded me that the One I was angry at is the very One trying to redeem me and bring me out of this dispair. He hasn’t left or forsaken me. He is just waiting for me to take a step off this never ending very bad bus ride. Thank you for the courage God gave you to remind all of us. God is always there waiting on us, pursuing us and loving us with a ferver that only a Sovereign God would choose to do. May you continue to let Jesus shine through you, as He confirms and establishes the works of your hands. His hands and hearts for the broken and weak.
Dearest Gay, I know these post are years old right now. I just hope you receive this and know we are praying for you and all those who struggle with addiction. Your name has remained on my daily prayer list and I hope if this reaches you, you are doing well. My son has struggled with a heroin addiction for 8 years, and the daily battle is so great. Thank you for reminding us of our Lord’s strength and power. May you continued to be wrapped in his arms. Merry Christmas and thank you for sharing.
I was in rehab and a friend from the church i had previously attended “bayou city fellowship” was printing out Gays story from ur blog and mailing it to me. It was so inspiring and it got me through rehab. I didn’t know that I would get out of rehab and a few months later be living with Gay. She is such an amazing woman who inspires me so much has. It’s crazy awesome how God worked all that out.
Dear Gay,
Thank you for sharing your story. It has moved me to tears as I sit here as a night nurse, somehow stumbled across these writings from 4 years ago. I so needed this touch from the Lord in this spiritual desert I am going through. I have done so many of Beth’s studies which have brought such deep healing to my life and enabled me to move forward and become a nurse. My sister has struggled with a ferocious battle with crack cocaine for over three decades and just graduated as a licensed chemical dependency counselor. So I know Jesus can deliver ANYONE from ANYTHING!!! You have blessed my life and I thank God for your life and your entire story! I’m so thankful to have read this as I knew of you and that you were struggling. I’m so glad to know Jesus rescued you, Gay!