First Installment: Meet My Sister
Second Installment: The Functioning Years
Third Installment: The Maelstrom
Fourth Installment: Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight
Fifth Installment: Stepping Out On the Water
Sixth Installment: A Different Street
With a heart spilling over with affection and wonder, I hand you joyfully to my beloved sister, Gay, for her final installment in this powerful series. Don’t worry. I don’t believe this will be the last time you ever hear from her on this blog. I’ll get her to chime in here and there if she feels the leadership of God. But, still, this is a tender moment, watching her wrap up this gorgeous streaming testimony of Christ’s unfathomable grace. That same grace also saved and delivered me. Saved and delivered you, if you’ve let Him. If you do not know Jesus yet and you have never received the gift of His life offered for you on the Cross – a gift you cannot earn or deserve or be born into – and the power of His resurrection that strips us from our grave clothes and covers us in robes of righteousness, do not wait another day. Today is the day of your salvation. Get down on your knees, lift your face toward Heaven and express to God in your own words that, by faith, you willingly and earnestly receive His glorious Gift and desire to be saved, to turn from your own destructive way, and to follow Him. Believe with your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. And, Child, YOU WILL BE SAVED. And nothing – I do mean nothing – will ever be able to take eternal life from you.
My beloved big sister, I will let you take it from here. Words fail me to express my appreciation. We are changed by what Christ has done through you here. He alone will be able to give you a precise account of the lives altered. “My brothers (and my SISTERS), if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20 You, Gay, have been this “WHOEVER” to so many.
And, now, from her pen…
Hi Sisters!
My life is so sweet today both on the outside and on the inside. Much has improved since I walked off the concrete. Improved would be an understatement. Wildly improved, exorbitantly improved, inconceivably improved would be far more expressive. Gregg was right when he said that we cannot fathom the dreams and plans that God has for us. Paul knew it too when he wrote his first letter to the Corinthians. God might have told him about it but my guess is that he had experienced it after he fell to the ground on the dusty Road to Damascus.
“However, as it is written:
What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV
When I got here in mid-April of 2009, all I asked for was sobriety and a roof over my head. I’ve said many times to many people, “Sobriety is the best gift I’ve ever been given in my life and if it’s the only one I ever get, ITS ENOUGH!!” And it would have been enough, Ladies. Quality sobriety has brought great abundance into my life: trustworthiness, integrity, self-respect, meaningful relationships with my children and siblings, employment, housing, improved health, the ability to feel, etc. I am so grateful for it that I sometimes burst into tears and I always, ALWAYS thank God for another day sober in my every prayer. I am still very clear that it comes first, that the devil is not very creative and that He hasn’t forgotten how to tempt me and lie to me in the same old ways. So I keep it first on my priority list, always. I never become complacent to the fact that I have the disease of alcoholism. It’s in my brain and all I have to do is tip that celebratory drink and the beast will come forth just like it did the last time. It doesn’t have to prove that to me again. (Step 1, by the way.)
However, sobriety is not all I got! I have gotten, first and foremost, a continually healing and fully restored FAMILY. Although Tut and I did not reconcile marriage-wise, our relationship today is one of acceptance, trust and solid teamwork where the boys are concerned. We are today – and will forever be – very dear to one other. I know, I know, we girls like a Cinderella story but really, don’t fret. I’ve got my Prince!
The two little boys in Sugar Land? They are just WONDERFUL!! The three of us are wound so tight that they sometimes wish I would pop free. Not happening!! They’re not getting rid of me, not any time soon anyway. Zach is now 26 years old, a graduate of Savannah College of Art and Design with a Bachelor of Arts in Visual Effects and has been gainfully employed since 3 weeks after graduation in 2008 as a 3D Render Artist. He is the best person I have ever known and never loses sight of his God-given purpose for this season of his life which is to take care of Josh. He has laid his life down for his brother and their souls are knit together as one. They will have that for a lifetime, long after Tut and I are called Home. God so wonderfully works all things together for good for those who love Him.
Josh is 17 years old and in his senior year of high school. I don’t know which one of us has enjoyed his senior year more, him or me. I’ve spent this entire school year with him soaking up every single minute trying to make up for years lost. I know that our days together are numbered now that he is becoming a man. There have been many miracle moments between a redeemed mother and a once abandoned child where I have so wished to press the pause button to freeze them in time yet a moment longer. He has grown so much inside and out, come out of his shell, become Josh apart from the rest of us. I have fallen head over heels in love with him as with his brother. One especially thrilling moment was during opening night of this year’s high school musical, The Wizard of Oz, on January 28th. I sat perched on about the 5th row of Rogers Auditorium as the curtain opened on Kansas. Josh had been cast as the Cowardly Lion just two months before. Although some of my family members have quite a stage presence, I certainly didn’t know Josh was one of them. I was impressed out of my mind that he had learned his lines. All of them! When he sprung onto the stage in all of his Cowardly Glory I squealed with laughter, cried for reasons unknown and cheered out loud all at the same time. I had seen him grow over the weeks but I was, in no way, prepared for fully Josh. He was confident, accomplished, ironically COURAGEOUS, adorable, funny and oh so entertaining. He was fully himself, fully Josh, fully alive. He stole the show and it took my breath away. I sat in awe during those miracle moments with my hands clasped at my chin whispering “Thank You, God” over and over again. I realized that God had not only healed me but that He was healing my son as well. Josh’s performance that night was brilliant with the absolute highlight being his delightfully humorous delivery of the song King of the Forest. How appropriate is that? Applause please!!!
One quick note: I haven’t had to preach to my children or grovel over my past mistakes. I have simply had to stay sober, be present and fully engaged, and shine the Light. God so masterfully takes care of the rest.
I also got the best job on the face of the planet, handpicked just for me. I work at Mercy Street! You knew that already. At around one year sober, I just so happened to be making my way through the still buzzing Mercy Street hallway that I had come to call home. I rarely got an opportunity to have a personal conversation with Gregg Taylor, most beloved, most popular “street” pastor. He most often has a captivated audience. But somehow (we all know how) I did this particular night. I was looking for a job, uh … an office job, and Mercy Street just so happened to have had their Administrative Assistant’s position come available that very week. Now, you might think that was mere coincidence but I have come to believe that coincidence is simply God’s way of remaining anonymous. That job was mine! I knew it from the minute Gregg spoke it and I cried all the way through the service that night. God meant for me to be employed at Mercy Street where I could most effectively carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers and to anyone who might have lost hope. I heard Beth say during the Esther series that our destinies cannot be severed from our histories. I was so perfectly placed at Mercy Street not despite where I had been but BECAUSE of where I had been, and where I had been delivered from.
When I got to New Hope 35 months ago today I looked long and hard at the steps hanging on the wall and my eyes rested on the words “a power greater than ourselves.” I was a weakling when I got there. I was beaten up, burned out and practically in a fetal position. The cat was a power greater than me! I didn’t need a power greater than myself — I needed a power greater than King Alcohol. I needed the biggest, baddest power of them all! I needed a great power with extraordinary muscle, strength and COURAGE. I needed the King of the Forest. I needed the King of the Universe. I needed the King of Kings…
“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17
… so I set out to find Him through His way for my life that day and each day since.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV
On the 20th day of next month I will have 3 full years of sobriety. Wow!! None of us humans, especially anyone who knew me before sobriety, would have ever dreamed I would have YEARS of sobriety. The fact that I am walking through this life, taking care of business, parenting, working, paying bills, doing laundry, laughing, crying (and everything in between) SOBER after a lifetime of drinking is, well … a flat-out miracle from God!
I try to imagine sometimes what exactly happened in the heavens that night under the bridge. In my limited mind’s eye, I see Almighty God in the image of man sitting at a grand oak desk drumming His holy fingers across the surface among dozens of beautiful, INCONCEIVABLE plans, drawings and designs. He’s waiting, whistling and waiting, drumming and waiting, patiently but not nervously waiting. He’s known it was coming since the foundation of the world but I like to think that He gets a hint of sweet satisfaction in being the Boss and whispering, “Hurry up, Gay, we’re waiting!” I think that even before the aching, desperate cry of “God, please help me” fully crossed my lips He had already leapt from desk to chariot and, with a loud trumpet sound, shouted to His angel armies, “She’s ready! Go get her!!” He knew, even though I didn’t know, that I had surrendered and that I would be willing to lay down my own failed plans and follow the ones He had custom drawn for me, just for ME. Upon His great command, the armies must have flown across the heavens in all of His Amazing Glory to the intersection of Sabo Road and the Sam Houston Tollway where the first appointed angel stepped through the veil as Tut in the flesh. Or maybe the first appointed was Zach who, knowing where I was, had asked his father to go fetch me for fear I would die that very night. Or maybe the first appointed was Jerry who had gotten us from Galveston to Houston in the first place that rainy Spring in 2009. Who knows? Only One. All I know is that they were all appointed.
I did not do this by myself, Sweet Sisters. An ARMY of “angels” wrapped in human skin have helped me and were strategically placed in my life by Almighty God Himself. There is no amount of white space for me to list them all and some names I don’t even remember if I ever knew them at all. From the street to New Hope to The Women’s Home to Mercy Street to Living Proof — from Southeast Houston to Pasadena to Montrose to Sugar Land — from a power greater than myself to Jesus, the One and Only. They were and are everywhere if we only open our eyes to see, our hands to receive and our hearts to feel. I don’t believe that any two of us cross paths by mistake or mere coincidence. I believe that the positive, negative and seemingly insignificant people, places and situations add value to our lives based on how we respond to them and learn from them. Its all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change — being transformed by the renewing of our minds. I only hope to have the most honorable assignment of being divinely appointed by Almighty God Himself to reach out to a friend in need, a fellow sojourner, a perfect stranger, a ragamuffin, the hurt, the lost, the seeking. Here am I, Lord. Please send me.
I stepped out on my back porch the other morning and in more of a casual talk with God rather than a prayer I cried, “Oh thank You, oh thank You, God, for not letting me die before I got this, before I got You, this sweet relationship, this rollercoaster of a ride, this ebb and flow of faith, trust and sheer awe that leaves me begging for MORE. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this. It would have been such a shame to have missed this. Thank You for saving me so that I could experience this … experience You. You are the Love of my life. You are the Great Love of my life. And I am Yours.”
I know today despite my shortcomings, failures and imperfections that to Him I am Beautiful, I am Redeemed and I am Loved. I have been seized by the Power of a Great Affection. I have been Saved. I have been Forgiven. I have been raised from the dead to walk in New Life. I have been Resurrected. Wow! It just doesn’t get any better than that, does it? Not in this life.
I have a CD of Travis Cottrell in my car that I like to listen to LOUD. Track 9 is an old hymn with a new and wildly improved sound. The ending words have never once failed to bring on the tears. They go like this:
The redeemed will sing forever,
The redeemed will sing forever,
The redeemed will sing forever
Jesus Saves.
Amen and Amen.
Dear Sisters,
I thank you for letting me share with you my story or, better yet, Christ’s story weaved into mine. It has been one of the greatest privileges of my new life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for each and every comment and word of encouragement. This divine assignment has been quite a challenge and I needed you all to charge me on. You became like my angel army in this endeavor. Isn’t that so cool? I have watched you minister to each other and pray for each other and pray for ME. I’ve experience many miracle moments sitting at this computer, reading and typing and trying my best to let God speak to you through my mumbling and fumbling to express the Inexpressible. Our testimonies have much power, don’t they? People love to hear that Jesus still saves even today. We love to see tangible evidence of it too. We love to see living proof! Thanks Beth, for giving us this beautiful venue and for giving me an opportunity that would have only lived in my dreams. You’re the best! I’m pretty sure that I’ll never be the same after this experience.
And again, thank You, oh thank You, my sweet Jesus for loving me and showering me with Amazing Grace. I love you with all my heart. I am Yours always. All of me.
Loved you are,
Gay
Thank you, Gay, for telling your story. I have watched my 38 year old son go through a similar path with alcohol. He went from being a “worldly success” to living in a homeless shelter. the hardest thing i ever had to do was tell him he couldn’t stay at my house and take him to the shelter. But, God is good. After 3 years of being homelsss, he chose to go into the Salvation Army Rehab program where he has connected with Jesus. He has been sober for 5 months, and through this wonderful program, is “better spiritually, mentally and physically than I thought I could be” (his words). Praise Jesus!
–ok I shouldn’t send anything on my phone anymore! Sorry!
Trying to say–Thank you Gay for so openly and genuinely sharing your heart!
You are so loved!!
(the technologically challenged!)
Shon
You re-inspire me. So does Beth. So glad for your family. I had a moment something like yours years gone by (almost exactly 6 actually…April 16 2006). And I KNEW. And then life got hard. Oh well…it WAS hard but it STAYED hard and got harder. Mine could be a story to tell. But long of short–the tests came and I ‘failed’ or didn’t meet up to what I thought. But through it I was given one GIGANTIC lesson of the Lord is WITH me. I’m not sure I’m living in your victory or Beth’s yet but I KNOW that the Lord is with me. Just have a hard time in the day to day–choice to choice–struggles. I guess you know.
Thank you for the rekindling of hope…for help…
Keep doing what you do. And like the others said–you write well–very well–dear.
Take care
Tanya
Gay…thank you for sharing your testimony! What a vulnerable thing to do and what a blessing it has been to me! Praise God! Love you right back sister!
Gay, I am sitting here in tears of joy as I read about your renewed relationship with your boys. God is so good. Thank you so much for sharing this, your story, your miracle with us. It reminds us that no person is hopeless and no situation out of the control of our Heavenly Father. I will continue to pray for you and for the ministry that you serve. God bless you, Gay. You are an inspiration to me.
Lawan
Phil 4:8
All I have to say is from Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Thank you dear Sister!
“By the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony – everyone OVERCOME”
Thank you for being willing. Our battles are different, but the same. We are all sisters together fighting and winning with Him is so glorious.
God has to be smiling,broadly, over you Gay! I imagine Him saying “That’s my girl”! Thank you for sharing and I have read, prayed, praised through each of your posts, but this one made me cry. Why? one line: “She’s ready! Go get her!!” I offer myself to the Lord today, to be that unknown “angel” to minister to someone who is ready. Here, I am send me.
Thank you for being brave and sharing your life so that we might be brave to share ours.
How I wish that all the Siestas could be in one room to give God a standing ovation for this beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing it with us!
We love you, too, Gay!
Gay,
What a gift you are!!! I agree with another post: don’t stop writing! Your words have been inspiring in our home of recovery and we never cease to be amazed at how powerful our God is anyway ~ but your story is so wrapped up in His glory it makes me shout out loud each time. My children and my husband were all sad this morning when I opened up the “last installment”.
Praying for you in South Carolina…Laura
Gay, thank you again for your story of redemption and God’s wonderful, wonderful grace. What an amazing God!
Bless you Gay!
Elaine
Gay, Your story is so profound!! So happy for you and your family and the renewed relationship the Lord our God!!. There are so many people going through the same mess and can’t find a way out, some of my family included; plus I was one of them. My prayer is today and always that God will put someone or something on them and reassure them that all is lost, its not over.
Again, thanks for sharing your story. You are truly a God miracle.
Your Siesta Sister,
Dawn
Thank you, Gay for sharing your story. Our God is an awesome God. You need to write a book and get your story out there! I wish my father could have had this same deliverance from alcohol before he died. As I read each installment, I wondered how it would turn out with your sons. Praise God that you have a relationship with them. What a blessing!
Have a blessed day.
Amen, Jesus Saves. Thanks for sharing your story. We will probably not know on this side how many lives have been changed by you sharing. Praise God!!
Thank you Gay….I have been so touched by your story and so encouraged. Thank you, thank you…..I already am looking forward to your next post. I love how you said that you never would have wanted to miss this….and I also loved your vision of just what might have been happening in heaven right before you surrendered…powerful!!!
I just weep as I read your words. ALL of our lives are redeemed from the pit, even if we didn’t recognize we ALL were in one as deep as yours before Jesus rescued us. I weep because my precious, beautiful daughter is in the pit of addiction: not to a substance, but to a person, to a cycle of horrendous choices, to running away from those who love her most. I can only beg God, on my knees, to shine the light of hope and truth upon her soul as He did for you. Bless you, Gay.
To God be the glory, great things He has done! Thanks for sharing, Gay.
Here is an old song I like (besides loving Travis too)
Victory in Jesus
My Savior Forever
He sought me
And bought me
With His redeeming blood.
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him
He plunged me To Victory
Beneath the cleansing Flood
AMEN!
WOW!!!
Thank you for your testimony. It weaves into this blog so beautifully!
Meg
Thank you.
Thank you Gay for sharing your remarkable story of God’s grace and redemption. Your
honesty and transparency have been a blessing to me. God bless you as you live out your
freedom in Christ! Praise God!
Wow!!!!Gay, thank you for your willingness and obedience to share this awesome story. I want to throw my fists in the air for the glorious victory you have received through out awesome and beautiful God. Oh, why hold back…fists in the air for our Glorious Lord!
Amen
Gay – Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time, energy, and full devotion to this worthwhile writing journey. You are a blessing. You and your sister both have a gift with words – it’s in your DNA. 🙂
I have two very special friends that are celebrating similar journeys as you. I can’t wait to send them this final post. I would love for you to meet them – they are overcomers like you. One day you WILL because they are part of your faith family – you just don’t know them. Isn’t Heaven going to be AMAZING?
Love, GJ
Gay, I am purely bawlin’ right now. How beautiful. Don’t ya just love Him so…He who made us and saves us and cares about us and listens to us and He never gets tired of us. He doesn’t look at us with glazed over eyes after we have prayed for a long time…He leans down and looks and listens more closely. I’m so thankful God has taken you out of the pit and is using you to help others. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do, after all, be an arrow pointing to Him? That’s what you’re doing my sweet sister. I pray God blesses you every single day of your life and your whole family as well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can not look at homelessness and alcoholism the same. My prayers are with you and your family.
It has been such a joy to hear your story, I can honestly say I cried through every installment, with tears of joy for you. May God continue to richly bless you!!
Gay,
What a beautiful testimony God has given you. I have read each installment, taking in every word. I am so happy for you… this installment gives hope and shows how to live in faith each day. Thank you for sharing with us. You are awesome!
What a beautiful story.
Thank you, thank you Gay for sharing your incredible story and miracle!! Thank you for being transparent and telling it all! Yes, there is nothing more greater than God’s transforming power, His mercy and His grace!!
Press on sweet sister! “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.”
In His Love,
Debbie
Whoa!! That’s all I seem to be able to say! What a blessing your story, your life, His redemption has been! Thank you!!
And just when you thought no one would ever again pick you to be on their team…GOD said, “I choose Gay. Come on, girl. You’ve got to carry the ball (message)!” Run with it, Gay, running FREE!!! We love you! Thank you for sharing…and thank you for getting up off the ground that night…we needed you. We needed to be encouraged again that there is “NO pit so deep that Jesus isn’t deeper still.” Hugs to you!
Thank you Gay, for this final installment of an amazing testimony brimful, overflowing with God’s Love and Redemption. I am particularly fond of your boys, and celebrate with them the Joy of your reconciled family!
Gay, Thank you so much for your story. God is the author and can wright the best stories. I hope to see you along with Beth in the future at one of her conferernces. She is coming to Kansas City and there are 9500 women waiting to hear a word from God. Jump on board with her and come along.
Much love Sister!
WOW! I am left in tears of joy, hope for all who fall short of the Glory of God, and love for a God that is so much bigger than any of us and our problems! I am touched deeply by your story. Gay I have so much appreciation, respect and love for you as a sister in Christ. I will always treasure your love story. I pray for you, your family and your ministry to continue to flourish in His extravagant, abundant, healing love and Amazing Grace. Giving God the Glory for waiting upon you to call upon Him. Praise Him! Praise Him! Forever we shall Praise HIM!
Gay, Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. Especially today…I needed to be reminded. I will be praying for you. Thanking God, right now, for the unbelieveable saving work He does in our lives!!!
I read every time there is a post but I do not usually comment, but I just want to let you know how much this series of posts has meant to me.
God’s timing is always perfect. I still amazes me. I am currently in the process of getting guardianship of my father who has been an addict for about 27 years, and my thoughts have become somewhat jaded about people with addictions. These posts have softened my heart and reminded me about the person behind the addiction. Thank you so very very much for sharing this personal and trying time in your life.
Lord, I praise you and thank you for people like Gay and Beth. They are truly your angels in human skin.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful testimony of God’s work in your life. Such a wonderful reminder to keep praying for those we love who seem lost and who are wandering. God bless you as you take each day and live it for our Lord.
God Bless you for sharing. I cried again reading this last installment. Almost every installment made me cry. I have family members who have addictions to alcohol or drugs. I cried because it is so beautiful how only God can restore our health and family ties if we are just willing to walk the way God intended for us to walk on this earth! Your life’s story of God’s redemption will be used to touch many lives!
PRAISE GOD!!!! I have been sober for 9 years this July. God took me from the miry pit once again and put me on solid ground! The tears are falling reading your story and I’m praising God for His Love, Grace, and Mercy!! God is my strength and refuge. I’m praying for you and your family! PRAISE GOD!!! Considering it pure joy 🙂 xoxo
Love Your Sister in Christ,
Sarah
I LOVE YOU!! Your story, your trial and perseverance and His redemption make me love Jesus more!
Love you Gay,
Tiff
Gay, Thank you so much for sharing your story for redemption.It has truly been a blessing to read every installment. I pray continued blessings in your live and the lives you touch.
Miss Bibby, Thank you so much for allowing your big sister to bless us all with her story.
To God be the glory.
Amen and Amen! I am awed by how much He loves you, and how much He loves me.
Adrienne
AWESOME! A testimony of hope for others.
You said it all. Can’t wait to see how God uses you next, but we all know it’s gonna be something really, really good! I’m so sad your story is over . . . wait! It’s really just beginning. Please keep us posted. You’ve become my new friend through these words. To God be the glory!
Absolutely precious. Thank you Gay! Thank you, Jesus!
Your testimony will touch countless lives for the Glory of Him Name. Our trials are each our own — and mine I would not replace for anything — for in them I have SEEN the Glory of the Lord in my life like nothing else!!!
Your testimony is so powerful and IS GOING to accomplish mighty things for the Kingdom. Blessings galore to you sweet Gay — you are a treasure.
Thank you! In these weeks when it seems everything happening in the world is broken and dark, I needed the reminder that He is KING of kings! A reminder that He is not worried but is patiently waiting with the plan in His precious hand. And He is able to blow our minds with His power and goodness! Thanks for being real, honest, and vulnerable Gay!
Gay,
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I love to hear testimonies of what the Lord is doing in others and through others. He is good all the time!
Your Sister in Christ,
Tammy
I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. I still have a hard time hoping for my two estranged rebellious daughters. It seems it has been so long, and they still refuse to acknowledge the God they were taught of. My heart breaks continually. I try to find good in all that has happened, but honestly haven’t been able to. I so want to see God redeem it all and to use it for His glory. I feel like I’m swinging at the bottom of the knotted rope- trying to find hope and to believe despite how it looks to the naked eye. Thanks for sharing how God redeemed your story.
Jumpin’ Up -n-Down in Joy!!! Gay, I’ve been waiting for your post! All I can say is Praise God, Hallelujah!!!!!!
You are loved!