Howdy, Siestas! I feel like I should introduce myself again because it’s been so long since I’ve written. Our summer was b-u-s-y but wonderful. Curtis preached at a Bible study gathering called Metro and at a few churches in our area, I led the Ruth study with some blogging girlfriends, we hosted out of town family members, went to Galveston a couple of times, and did lots of swimming and playing with the kids. Tomorrow Jackson and Annabeth will start pre-k and mother’s day out, so I suppose summer is coming to an end for us. Our normal Wednesday church schedule picks back up tonight and I can’t wait to see all the fellowship supper crowd. We have been missing everyone! Jackson gets to join the kids choir as of tonight. I think he is going to love it.
I have a little story to tell you that will explain my recent absence here on the blog. One day in June I was trying to get some work done and I went into the dining room (away from the kids) so I could concentrate. A few minutes later Jackson came running over to me and said, “Annabeth is on the TV!” What in the world? I ran in the living room to find my 16-month-old walking on the console behind the flatscreen and about to dive off into a pile of toys. Needless to say, I was horrified. I brought my laptop back in the living room and tried to finish whatever I was doing. A few minutes later I looked down and saw Annabeth sitting on our golden retriever’s back. All she needed was a saddle and she had her own little pony. I was horrified again! Beckham is a very patient dog and he loves the kids, but that was not okay. I was bit in the face by our family dog as a child and I know better than to trust any animal completely. This happened three feet away from me and I didn’t see it because of my computer screen.
I knew my days of working at home were coming to an end. I either needed to return to the office or stop working. Not only was it becoming unsafe for my children, but I constantly felt frustrated and discouraged as an employee and as a mother. I’m sure many of you can relate to how I was feeling. It was maddening because the world tells women we can have it all – career, romance, family, friends, leisure, and a peaceful home – but the truth is we are all making sacrifices in one or more of these areas in order to carry the others. I felt like my entire family was revolving around me and my needs, when what my soul really longed for was to have the time and energy to serve them.
After many conversations with Curtis, a long heart-to-heart with my mom, and lots of prayers shot up to God in desperate moments, we decided that I would take a step back from my job at LPM for the next year. I have 12 months left with my son before he begins kindergarten and I want to make the most of that time. Next fall we will reevaluate our situation.
I confess I was really nervous to talk to my mom about this. It can be complicated when family members work together. But in my heart I kept hearing my mom say, “No amount of success in ministry can make up for failure at home.” My mom has kept to that after all these years and I’ve benefitted from it in countless ways. Now it was time for me to decide on my own. Would I choose what was best for my family? I could not have imagined how graciously my mom would respond to my cries for help. She was 100% mom and 0% boss in that moment. She told me that when she’d kept the kids the weekend before, she’d sensed that this was coming.
Once Curtis, Mom and I were on the same page, I felt a flood of relief and joy. For about three hours. Then the seriousness of walking away from my job of 8 years came crashing over me. Satan told me the disgusting lie that I wouldn’t be important anymore. As if I should need to be important anyway! I was pretty emotional – swinging from extreme happiness and relief to sadness – for a few weeks. In fact, during that time I wrote two other versions of this post that I deemed too melodramatic to publish.
It’s been two months since the decision was made and a little less time since I handed over my administrative responsibilities to my co-worker, Kimberly McMahon/KMac. She is an awesome lady and I’m very thankful for the gifts God has given her.
Our family is definitely enjoying the harvest from this change. I feel a lot more peace. And that’s a pretty big deal! My relationship with Jackson has improved dramatically. He needed me to say yes more. I’ve been cooking, which my husband appreciates. I will say, though, that motherhood is hard any way you slice it! Can I get an amen? Did this make my life perfect? Uh, no. Did I magically become Supermom? I wish. But do I like motherhood more? Yes. Definitely.
Mom has invited me to keep writing here whenever I have something to share and I look forward to doing that. I will finally have some alone time now that Annabeth is starting mother’s day out and Jackson will be inPre-K. Praise the Lord!
I know that many of you reading this are desperate for your situation – whatever that may be – to change. Please know that when you cry out to the Lord, He hears you! He knows what you are going through. He is your Shepherd and He cares for you. Pray, pray, pray. First Peter 5:7-8 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (NIV) I am asking God to show you His love, power and care right now.
Siestas, thank you for loving my family and for supporting us. We love you very much.
Sincerely,
Amanda
I don’t think you will ever regret your decision to stay at home with your children. I made the same decision years ago to stay home with my three children. I remember one Thanksgiving when we asked each child what they were thankful for, one of my sons said he was thankful that mom stays home with us!!
Keep us posted from time to time on this blog. I’m sure you’ll still be involved with people in your church volunteering.
Enjoy your kiddos, they’re only little once and it does fly by!
Thanks Amanda!
I too know this struggle, and am thankful that you chose your family. Our circumstances are such that it’s not possible for me to quit my job completely, but we have things worked out well especially when I say No to more obligation and YES to the blessings I have so graciously been given in the form of my daughters and husband. Thanks for posting this- I will look forward to more antics when you get a free moment!
Jane
Wife to Pat, mama to CarrieBeth 7, Ms (Leah) Cocopugs, 4, and Noelly belly 10 months… 🙂
love your angel’s names!! – I have a Lily Pilly 🙂
good for you Amanda.. take care of your family – we will be here when you return.. and praying for you along the way.
Amanda,
Thank you so much for this post. God timed this perfectly for the situation I am currently in. I am so exhausted under the weight of responsibility of ministry, marriage, family, friendships, and am so desperate for a change. Thank you for the encouragement and reminder that God hears all of our desperate cries and He is working things out for our best.
Brooke
I love it you are going to be able to do this for and with your sweet family. It is true that those years seem like they will never end, but believe all of us with grown children… oh, honey, they are quicker than light itself and twice as illuminating to the soul. I loved the years I had little Gerred at home, and although he is twenty-seven, in my heart he’ll always be about Jackson’s age right now. Hugs to you, your man, and your sweet little ones. I knew your Mom would react just like that. She is way cool! Hugs…
Amanda,
I have been just where you are. I have agonized over the same things with three little guys of my own. Praise the Lord for your willingness to do the hard thing amidst a culture where most people think we’re a little nuts, well maybe a lot! 🙂 I’ll be praying for ya.
Wendy
Amanda,
I am so proud of you. I know this has been hard and yet you followed your heart in the direction the Lord wanted. I pray you will enjoy this year and just love your family. We all need to do things that are sometimes hard and the Lord reminds us He has a plan. I am truly blessed in that I am a teacher at the Christian school my children attend and we go home together. The Lord knew I had to work but it needed to be in a way that would allow me to be with my children.
Love to you and your dear family.
amanda I applaud you!!! I love how you wrote in your blog that part about “As if I need to be important anyway” that truth spoke to my heart!!! I fall for that one alot! Congratulations and God bless!!!!
Way to go Amanda! As a momma of a new Kindergartener, this next year will fly and you will not regret being with him as much as possible, because so many times the ordinary days turn into sweet memories. So many little things you get to teach you turn around later and realize how thankful you are that YOU are the one who got to show him. God Bless you and your sweet little family.
Thank you, Amanda, for this wonderful post. It’s exactly what I needed to hear this very day. So timely. I have the same tug of war over and over, and my family often loses. This very day, my mind is working through this kind of issue. I drove home crying and hearing that song, “It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash, it happens in the time it takes to look back…” I know God is speaking through that, through you, through so many things. Now will I listen? Thank you for sharing your heart. It ministers to so many, and I pray you have an incredible year with your family and you see blessing upon blessing and much fruit from this decision.
I can relate! I have two boys (3 & 1).
Yesterday was hard, hard, hard! I wanted to give it all up and just bawl my eyes out and run away – leaving them and everything else behind!
I wanted to give it all up but I gave it up to God instead. Your post was simply refreshing to me. Thank you for sharing what you are going through and for the encouragement.
Amanda,
Thank you so much for the reminder to cry out loud to the Lord. My family is experiencing a great deal of finanicial problems right now. My husband is the worship pastor at our church, I am a stay at home mom and I home school our children (9yrs.,4yrs and 2yrs old). Things are pretty tight money wise, but we are holding on to the truth that God will deliver us from our problems. I just read a verse in Bible study last night that really spoke to me. It was Romans 12:12 “Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times.” When I give everything to the Lord I know that He is my hope, He will bring me through these troubles and I need to stay in constant conversation with Him through prayer. I not only need to cry out Him, but I also need to sit quietly and listen to what He has to say. Someone once told me to remember that prayer isn’t a monolouge, it’s a conversation between myself and God. We need to tell Him our thoughts, but we also need to remember to listen to what He wants us to do.
I pray you enjoy your new adventure. And again, thanks for the encouragement!
Amanda, I am so happy for you! You have such a gentle giving spirit / heart and would like to thank you for sharing this with the blog community. I can’t wait to hear back from you; what God’s revealed to you…in this new season of your life. Many blessings my friend a big hug and we continue to look forward expecting His best! Love you…
Well, I’m in agreement with the rest of the girls when I say, Amen. Not only Amen to your specific decision, but Amen to your obeying the Holy Spirit’s prompting. I’m a mother of two and one on the way. My eldest, Joseph, just started Kindergarten this year, he’s my little theologian. I have so treasured all of the profound “little” conversations we have had concerning God in these early years of his life. He has the best, and I mean the very best questions. It occurred to me the Tuesday before his first day of school, there’s no more Library story hour with he and his sister or catching Dr. Tony Evans in the car at 11:00 in the morning while running errands with my two little ones soaking up every word (…they love him, which I of course think is great). My point is, that time does go by so fast, you are wise to want to saturate yourself in this last year before Kindergarten. I pray God blesses your year, that He will enrich your time “hidden” in Him with constant revelations of HIs presence in your day to day routine. I pray He would establish the truth of HIs love in the hearts of your two children through your presence through out their day. Blessings!
Good for you! We are not only told we can “do it all” but we foolishly believe it. Sometimes saying NO brings a flood of other YES opportunities that blossom into unforseen blessings. Enjoy being a girl with one less hat!
Jill,
I agree whole heartedly! What impossible expectations we put upon ourselves, and feel like failures when we don’t keep up the myth that we can “do it all”.
Excuse me while I laugh a bitter laugh, bhawahahahaha
I love your No opening a flood of yes’s! Great comment.
Amanda, I always love your contributions and look forward to this new season in your life. May God bless you, sweet girl.
Wow Amanda! I totally understand! I know your mom is very proud of you. I am sure it was a tough decision though. Satan can tell us some lies can’t he.
We will miss you here in blog world but I am sure you will visit from time to time. Keep us up to date on the adventures of those precious kiddos of yours!
I sent you a message about a siesta meet up in Richmond. I would have sent it to someone else if I had known – sorry. If it is o.k. I will leave the information here in case any siestas want to meet for lunch. Of course our siesta mama is invited!
Any siestas coming to Richmond we are meeting for lunch around 12:30 on Friday at:
Bottoms Up Pizza: 1700 Dock Street, Richmond VA, 23223
Nesha Vest is the contact person. Here is her information of you would like to rsvp:
[email protected] or her cell 804-543-7645.
Love ya Amanda!
Amanda:
I just had to respond. I sense a book that you need to write someday when seeing all of the women who can relate to your post. I wish that I could have seen a discussion of this type as I have struggled over where the Lord was leading me over the past 14 years. I am currently a mom of a 14 and 12 year old who has worked part-time at a career that I love the entire time. I can honestly say that God has used no other issue in my life as the balancing of motherhood and work to keep me tuned into Him each day. My constant prayer is Lord, is it family, work or both today??? He has been faithful to answer but has often required me to step out in faith where I sometimes felt as though His will was causing me to short change family or work at different times. I have no doubt that God will bless your obedience at doing His will for your family during this season. Be encouraged sister!!! You have certainly been blessed with a gift for communication with women that I have no doubt He will put to use again. It is always inspiring to me to see real people wrestle with God over His plans for your life. Thanks for sharing with us and God bless.
You are doing the right thing, Amanda. My youngest (of 4) moved into his college apartment today … how does that happen so quickly?!?! I can tell you this as a mom who has stayed at home, worked from home, homeschooled for 11 years, taught in the Christian school my children attended, and am now at the ‘other end’ of the motherhood spectrum … I have NEVER yet heard anyone say they regret spending too much time with their children / family, but I have heard plenty of regrets of time not spent! You are right – the world ‘woos’ us with empty promises of significance through things ‘out there’,when all the while the truly best things in life are right inside our homes …just like God says 🙂 Look forward to hearing more of your life … at home 🙂
Amen to that! My oldest in a junior in high school this year…and I often find myself thinking how are we ALREADY in this place!?!?!?
Praying God’s blessings over this new phase in your life Dawn! 🙂
Good Call!! You will never regret your decision to spend time with your kids while they are small. And as I am discovering (both my kids will be in middle school this year), you will have an adult life do-over before you know it 🙂
Bless your dear heart. I’m so proud of your decision to take the time to be with your children. These years with your precious little ones can never be regained. I believe God is so pleased with your decision.
love you Amanda….you made the right choice…
I know that was a difficult decision for you to make. Giving up a part of your life to stay home is not easy. You are blessed to be able to help shape and guide the two arrows in your quiver to grow up to be strong in the Lord. What an awesome resposibility it is to be a parent. What an amazing blessing are our children. God bless you and guide you through these important years with them.
Amanda!!
I wanted to share with you how the Lord used your post tonight to confirm something happening in my own life! All day today has been spent working through notes for our churches Ladies Retreat! It’s my first time speaking since surrendering to Women’s ministy and these months have been beautiful and raw 8)!! One of our sessions is on petitioning and listening to God! As a result the Lord has really been dealing with me to write several pettitions of my own! One of which I wrote this evening about a very personal desire for our family – moments after sharing it with my husband I heard my laptop DING announcing my inbox had a gift waiting on me!! 8)
While reading your post I identified with several aspects and while thinking “I’ll miss hearing from her” I was so glad to hear you’re making the best choice for your family right now!! But it wasn’t until the very end of your note that I really recieved my “gift” – your very last paragraph was truly a gift from God, letting me know He heard our petition!! I love getting these little kisses from the Father!! He yearns for us to call out and to listen when He responds – and often we’re to busy wailing to hear Him whisper He loves us!! Thank you for being used to whisper to my heart!!
Blessings to you and your family as you embrace this amazing change!! It will be good to hear from you from time to time!! Take care!!
Nicole
So happy for your decision, Amanda! I think this call is even higher. Yes, both are important but being a mom! How can it be compared? Oh that is a greater gift in my opinion that you will give to those dear ones, Curtis, Jackson and Annabeth and will last in their lives for eternity. 😉 Love, Allison
So glad you shared…and so glad your mom said to keep posting 🙂 I am desperate for some changes and so encouraged to just stick it out knowing that the Lord has something around the corner for us. I so need to get out of “me” mode and take more time with my kids. It’s hard sometimes when all we do is give, give and give some more. Enjoy your break from work. You also are so encouraging with your relationship with Jackson. I feel that some work could be done on some of me and my kids relationships. I just need to keep God’s newness in the for-front and His daily grace that He supplies…it is more then sufficent…Praise HIm!
Amanda,
You’re my hero. This post is exactly what I needed to read today & is a confirmation of what I feel God is leading me to do…say “no” more to outside commitments & “yes” more to my husband and my 4 boys.
Thank you!!!
Amanda, I’m so happy for you and your family! I taught for four years before my 14-month-old came along, and I hear what you’re saying throughout this post. We can’t have it all by the average American’s standards, but being a stay-at-home mom truly is the greatest gift to every member of the family. It comes with its own set of sacrifices, and I also dealt with(and occasionally still do)those identity crisis moments when I quit my job. God’s showing me that I had more areas I needed to submit to Him than I realized.
Oh, and I really meant it when I said I heard what you were saying throughout this post. I chuckled to myself with a little less stomach churning this time when I read about Annabeth’s adventures. My little guy cracked our two-week-old laptop’s screen when I was trying to work on a blog post while he played. I even had the laptop on my lap. Yeah, this is the life we’re living right now, crazy as it is, but I’m so grateful for it. You are still ministering to me even if you’re not holding your old job title because you’re being honest about your life’s struggles and allowing God to guide your life. You’re not alone in ministering to your young children, and I am encouraged in knowing that I’m not alone either.
I commented earlier on how thankful I am for this post but wanted to let you know that I referenced it on my blog too. I’m not sure if I needed to let you know that, but just wanted to just in case. 🙂 Thanks again, soooo much!
God showed up tonight! I went to the Truth Project and God was there. Everyday I post a devotional on facebook and I just ask God to lead me in this devotional on facebook because I have been scoffed at and made fun of and blocked for my religous beliefs on facebook. So this morning my husband Keith not Beths Keith but mine came in and was reading what I posted on facebook. I think he uses it like I do. Well just about everything I have been saying was on that first dvd. I was late but I knew everything that was said on the tape as I walked into the room. The firs thing was I heard was Isiaih and idols and then he quoted exactly what we had said on my devotional.God had lead me to a site this morning that I had never seen before and it was talking about idols. How your car , house and all could become them. Well to make a long story short. I often try to explain my faith to people meaning FAith in Jesus and that he is my provider and he gives me everybreath I take. People dont listen and I know they dont apply they just look at the bible as a book sometimes not everyone but a whole lot of us do that . Well I am so sad because I cannot find people who confirm that God speaks to them through his word and confirms it. People just think I am strange. That silly facebook posting has grown to three hundred and I often find people asking to be my freind that I dont know. I guess when I get that natural high from God I just wish I could share it and talk all night about it with someone. I did believing God with Beth on Video and I gave up all medication two years ago and now I am starting to lose weight because I want to work for th lord but no one uses me.
I have been going over the same questions in my mind for the last year and have come to the same conclusion. My “stress” factor is that I am not a mother, “just” a wife. Talk about the looks! I do feel that God has provided us with a unique situation where I can do volunteer work and put more time into our women’s ministry if I step away from my paid job. My husband is all for it – don’t you just love great Godly men?! You’ll never regret your decision, and neither will I!
Amanda, you have no idea how much I needed this post. My youngest of 4 kids started Kindergarten last week and I am so lost. Satan has been whispering that I am unnecessary now that my days are empty and I’ve been falling for those lies. Why do I let him torment me so? Lord, please save me.
Amanda, you are loved and I will miss you. It’s good you have a wise mother and boss. 🙂 You have made the right decison.
Please do visit us from time-to-time. And of course we must have regular children updates WITH pictures.
So happy for you 🙂
I think it’s wonderful that you are putting your family first. I had to do that a couple of years ago and I thought for sure I’d go back into the same ministry the next year. I didn’t know at the time that God was going to see fit to bless us with a fourth child the next year but He did and I am still “just” staying at home. It’s hard sometimes because I feel isolated and alone but I know this is a season and even if I feel lonely, my kids are reaping the benefits of having a mommy at home with them and I am reaping the benefits of being there to see each and every milestone that they achieve. I am blessed beyond measure and this very tiring, sometimes thankless job I have is one I am doing for eternity.
Yeah for you!
I am so glad you listened to your heart, and to what your family needs.
Of course we will miss you!
Our children have an excellent way of letting their needs be know, all we have to do is pay attention.
“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
Proverbs 31:28
Beth and Amanda, I just had to let you know that God has used both of you in a huge way to encourage me this week. I’ve been dealing with health issues for 3 months that have yet to be diagnosed and fixed, even though I’m sure it’s my hernia that I had months ago. Beth, I was encouraged about your tweet about being where God wants us, and by a similar prayer in Praying God’s Word Day by Day. And Amnda, your last paragraph made me cry. This week has been so discouraging, but I can clearly see God’s encouragement through the timing of these words. Thank you for serving Him!
What a great decision!
Amanda,
You have chosen the most “important” job and role–raising and discipling your children. Don’t let the world or the enemy discourage you!
Amanda I am thrilled that you will still be posting from time to time…I had missed you!
Dr. Dobson in his book “Bringing Up Boys” has a lot to say about this subject and it is very empowering!
– You will never regret your decision…be ready though- we have to re-choose that priority many times before our children leave the nest and the stakes are always high.
Bless you Amanda!
Your testimony truly resonated with me. I’m in the middle of a very busy time in my life. My family and I took a much needed vacation(road trip)..13 days. It was a blessing. I’m working on my PhD,working part-time, being a wife which I love and being a mother to a teenager which gives me great joy. Lately, I’ve been down more than up. I know the Lord is calling for me to let go of some of the hours on my part time job so that I can be more present with my love ones. Please pray for me to continue to seek His face and to walk in obedience.
“If my children don’t think I’m genuine in my faith, no one else’s opinion matters.” I heard your mom say this years ago & it is written in the front of my Bible now. The way to have a life of no regrets is to live each season to the full WHILE YOU’RE IN IT. We will have moments that we regret (impatience, a harsh word) but a season is a sad thing to wish back. Know that the hard moments are part of the ride and just enjoy this journey.
Tracey (met you at the Scripture Memory event in Houston…I’m Charity’s friend from Arkadelphia) 🙂
Dearest Amanda,
I have that very quote from your mom in written in the front of my bible. It has served me well. The Harris boys wrote in one of thier books that family is not an obstacle to ministry but rather the vehicle. Curtis and yourself will serve the body of Christ way better for your decision.
This all coming from the girl who can’t even find time to blog with all the kids home at the moment…how did I ever get it all done when I homeschooled? LOL! Oh, right, I didn’t!
Be blessed.
Mair
I must encourage you! You are doing the right thing! I know it is hard on so many levels – ego, finances, etc., but you will never regret it!!
Amanda, I have enjoyed your posts so very much. I am your mother’s age and have a married daughter with a new one year old–Jeremiah! She has been working from home part time since he was born. Her circumstances were different, but she went through much of the same emotions that you have described here. She loves being a mother and as much as this may squeeze their budget, I am so glad she made that decision. I was a homemaker while she was growing up and she knows the value and input that had in her life. I know she deeply desires to glorify the Lord, as you do, and God will bless your decision beyond what you can see here on earth. Bless you and your family. I look forward to reading your blogs in the future!!
Dearest Amanda,
My heart is squeezed for you and your family. I know it must have been difficult to step back from LPM but I know you and your family will be blessed.
I can appreciate the choice you have made. I had to make it myself once and the choice ultimately led me to my saving relationship with our Lord. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it was difficult nonetheless.
I am glad we will still see you on here from time to time. Until then…
Blessings!
Casey
Fort Pierce, FL
Oh sweet Amanda,
So much of this resonated with me. You are absolutely right….so many of us buy into the lie this world sells us about being able to have it all and do it all. God has taught me tremendous lessons over the past few years as life has gotten insanely busy. I have had to learn to turn over laundry duty to my husband and kids (can you believe the toughest part for me was getting OVER how the laundry was FOLDED!!?!?!) Oh the things we think we can CONTROL!
God has taught me so much about living day to day over the last month. My life has been so overwhelming and I have had to learn what it means to trust in God from hour to hour. I am so very thankful for the flexibility I have in my employment…I have been able to pretty much put two of my clients on hold for the last three weeks…praise God for that!
I am so delighted that you have chosen those sweet babies and that sweet man over any job on this planet…Praise God for great mommies! 🙂
Love you,
Andrea
So proud of you, Amanda!!! You will be missed though. I am looking forward to your posts when you do have time to share!
Amanda,
I’m sending you a giant hug right through this computer screen! I know what you are feeling, I’ve been there. And I will be praying for you and your family.
With love,
Donna
Amanda, Thanks for sharing. So glad you’ll be checking in from time to time. You couldn’t invest your life in any better endeavor. May God richly bless you and your family. As I’m sure you’re seeing, the children grow up too fast, but these memories and your time invested in them are eternal.
Amanda,
That is such a huge decision. I can’t imagine the anxiety Satan was throwing your way in order to broach this topic with your mom. Thank God he did not get the upper hand! I have been dealing with this exact same issue (my son will start Kindergarten next year as well and I have a 2 year old also) over the last year. I love what I do but sometimes feel my family suffers for it at the same time. However, they are also blessed for it, too. It’s such a “catch 22”. I am trusting God to show me day by day what He wants for my life and that of my family. I rejoice with you for the feeling of peace you have in this decision – that alone is confirmation of the choice you have made.
Amanda,
I’m so glad for you and your family. God will reward you for this very hard decision being made and He will lead you in every stage of life. Thank you for being transparent, like your mom, and letting us see the struggle and the triumphant in your decision. God Bless you Amanda. Your children are blessed.