OK. You guys were hilarious yesterday. Honestly, I had to write a number of your quirks down so I’d remember on particularly bizarre occasions that I’m not alone in my psychoses. I have a number of other quirks that I either forgot to share or felt best to keep in the family vault. In the words of the Psalmist David (my particular obsession right now), I could have gotten much more undignified than that.
I am still amused and mystified by one of the earliest ones from a Siesta that shared, “I don’t have a middle name – just an initial ‘M’.” With my wild imagination and hopeless romanticism, as a child I probably would have made up a story about my mother having named me after her own mother who was a famous movie star with a name starting with the letter “M,” who’d had to keep the pregnancy a secret and release her for adoption or else she would have broken her MGM contract but called for her on her very death bed, confessed the truth, professed her love, and gave her jewels…OR she might have named me after a secret agent (no, a double agent is better!) with a name beginning with “M” who she discovered after efforts of trained operatives failed when she accidentally intercepted a Sears catalog with a clandestine envelope tucked carefully into the bathrobe section when she knew she must book an immediate flight to Paris to perform a citizen’s arrest with a sharpened letter-opener only to throw her hand over her mouth in astonishment for there before her stood her mirror image, the twin sister she never knew she had but, alas, she was sworn to secrecy…
Uh hum. Sorry. I forgot you were there.
What are we doing here? Oh, yes! Week Seven of So Long Insecurity! Your discussions were so great last week! I’m hoping these next two chapters will also offer us a few good items to talk about. Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It’s what the guys on the survey had to say about women’s insecurities. Don’t wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It’s a little lengthier.)
1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
I am looking so forward to your answers! Let’s recommit to our journey together even if you’ve already read the whole book. Jump in here and discuss it with us and let’s see several hundred more comments this time. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!
You are a delight to serve. I may mess around with you but make no mistake. I take this role very seriously. May Christ Jesus, our One and Only Deliverer, reveal Himself afresh to you this week with resurrection power and relentless affection. He is so worthy. And, He, Beloved, is our security.
1) My husband could have written this one, so I already know it. “…It gets quite tiring for men who, as we get older, just love YOU for exactly the way you are. Can you not understand that? We are not lying if we tell you we love you, you are beautiful and appealing, and we enjoy being with you immensely. When women’s insecurities are vividly displayed to us, it turns us of, frustrates us to no extent, and perplexes us. Get over it!”
The thing I didn’t know about this very same idea is that other men think this same way. I thought my husband was just being a good husband and saying what he should say to this menopausal mother of his children.
2)Our will has much to do with our spiritual health. God-given choice gives enormous freedom but it gives the responsibility of response to us. Insecurity can be given full reign or no power at all according to our choice. It is the choice to allow its target to be vulnerable or shielded by the Truth of God’s Word. In a weak will, the choice may not be made at all, just letting life happen to you. A weak will may see the Truth’s answer but not have hope or the desire to get up and resist. It’s a terrible thing to see in someone else but it is horrendous for us, who are equipped with the Holy Spirit of God, to not employ the defense that is ours to claim and use.
Jeanine, Athens, NY, married, 40’s
Nothing new to add on question no. 1
The weak will issue for me is just the pattern of believing the lies of the enemy. I’m not exactly sure how, but early on he had me believing I was worthless and always would be. It takes great effort to overcome years of giving in to the lies and replacing them with truth. But, as you have said, it is possible. Truly, the actions of speaking and CHOOSING to believe truth come first and the feelings meet up later.
New to me moment: I had never thought that a women showing cleavage may be showing her insecurity but it makes perfect sense. It makes me feel even more secure! I already knew men were on to us. My husband taught me that!
A weak will tells us we can never be different. But we can with God’s help change. Recently after starting this book, I was in a situation that always makes makes me feel insecure but this time I said “no way”. Now this chapter says we should just say “No thanks”. It really worked.
Thanks for all you do.
60s
Married
1. I didn’t realize that men knew we sized up other women. It is scary how much they’ve actually paid attention to what we are doing.
2. A weak will plays into our insecurity because it continually follows what the world demands, rather than what is good for us. It was so refreshing for me to realize that I had a choice. I have been trying to practice this and it really does make a difference. I loved how you reaffirmed that we can still be hurt, but it doesn’t have to take our security.
Stacey
30’s
Married
Sugar Land,TX
Married
30’s
1. already knew – looks, duh
news to me – That so many men actually think these things through.
2. It causes us to doubt the truth about who we are in Christ A weak will causes us to lose sight of our worth and value as a child of God. It allows the enemy of our soul to steal and destroy what is rightfully ours – a full, abundant, productive life.
1. Already knew that: I did know that men are turned off by our displays of insecurities in our relationships with them.
New to me: I did not realize how much my other insecurities repel men. I now understand why my husband would get so frustrated with me when I would let all my insecurities take control! I was expecting compassion but got frustration. Now I know why!
2. A weak will means we won’t choose to let go of our insecure ways of thinking. We won’t choose the hard thing of change.
NOW I HAVE A QUESTION: Beth, you told us that we should think and act like a secure person would act. What if I honestly have no idea what that looks like? This really happened to me a few days before I read this chapter. A trigger of insecurity occurred and I thought it would be good to respond like a secure person, but I could not figure out what that response would be. I had several insecure options in my mind, but I have lived in and been surrounded by insecurity so long that I don’t always know what security looks like! In fact, I often only know various insecure responses.
1. This chapter confirmed once again that men do not find insecurity attractive…it is not a trait they want for the women in their life… Also I have figured in the past that even when dealing with insecurity you can hide it, but obviously it comes out and men (and women) do recognize it.
2. When you have a weak will you are at risk of being controlled by anyone… Men or women. Also like a sister said above, Satan can come and wreak havoc when you are weak and vulnerable…that is the worst thing that can happen.
Hannah
Southwest,OH
18
single
1. I never knew: that men saw a scantily dressed woman as an insecure woman. That was a little mind blowing. I did know: that incessent talking is a sign of insecurity. How did I know. Because this is me!
2. We almost don’t want to “rock the boat.” I feel like this comes from our(ok my) need to people please, Lord help me. I feel like if everyone around me is happy then everything will be ok.
1. I already knew that men think we are beautiful far more than we realize or accept. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal to them that we women compare ourselves to other women.
2. When we forget that we have a choice in how we respond to circumstances and feelings, we are allowing our weaknesses to rule and that fosters more insecurity.
I knew that men would rather have a secure woman over an insecure one, my husband proved this to me over and over in our marriage.
A weak will can make it easy to choose reacting to our triggers of insecurity over choosing to respond to those triggers by consciously taking authority over our feelings, thoughts and emotions and holding on for dear life to our dignity!
1.I had no idea guys could see through our wardrobes and thought I was pathetic for wearing provacative clothing. I thought maybe they thought I was confident. I feel so humiliated. I am so glad my dress has changed dramatically these past 2 years thanks to the Lord! I already knew men could see us sizing up other women. My husband has always said women hate women.
2. I can make a decision to hand over my security or hold on to it with all I’ve got. Praise You Jesus! I didnt know I had a choice in the matter. I am such a slave to my emotions.
Julie
Bardstown, Ky
Married
30’s
1) I already knew that men find it easy to figure out that many women are insecure and they don’t particularly like it (for a long-term girlfriend or wife!). I didn’t know (or really think about) the fact that insecure women tend to talk a lot when asked questions. I’ve always thought of myself as a more open person and will share about myself, but never thought how that might be tied to my insecurity. I wish Beth would have talked a little more about that.
2) Well, if our will is weak and we’re not calling on Christ to help us out daily, then it will be that much harder for us to overcome our insecurity. We have to be aware of it every day and pray that God is going to give us the strength to think and say the things that we know to be TRUTH. We have to make the choice each day to do it.
1. Ok, so I already knew that men really aren’t attracted to our insecurities but I really did not realize just how “on to us” they are and HOW MUCH they really sort of feel sorry for us. Amazing, isn’t it, that a gender we unfairly characterize as not being detail oriented pegged us to the wall?!?!
2. Having a weak will stops me from doing what I KNOW is right at times and has, at others, meant that I just went along with the crowd knowing in my gut that the good Lord did not ordain this behavior. I really like for people to like me so I struggle with doing/saying things that I know isn’t what they want to hear. I’m getting better but, boy, do I have a long way to go…
I already knew that appearance is one of the main sources of insecurity for women, and men are aware of it. New to me was how many “Am I” questions an insecure person asks. I know that it upsets my husband when he detects insecurity in me, and one of the ways he does is my questioning “am I”
A weak will permits the upsetting circumstance to dig a deeper trench in our being. If we are grounded in the will of Christ, and focused on him we can be aware of the hurting or disturbing thing but not let it affect. We can have the emotions but not let it dig us deeper into insecurity.
Heather
50’s
Shokan
Married
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
Liz married 40s
Ch.12: I already knew that “A woman’s insecurities could be drastically reduced if men would love like Jesus did (p. 230).” Now how do we get that to happen? I had a feeling the appearance thing, sizing each other up, showing skin, babbling and more were evidences of insecurity, but it was good to see that in black and white.
What was new to me? The concept on pgs. 236 and 237 that “men are more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is than a picture-perfect beauty who seems little more than that.” Well, I think a lot of men are initially attracted to beauty and threatened by confident women in my experience. Maybe I’ve been hanging around too many emotionally unhealthy men after reading Ch. 13, and that has skewed my thinking! But I truly agree that our motivation to be secure is not to please men, but to believe that what God says about us it is true and wonderfully freeing.
Ch 13: A weak will plays into our insecurity by causing us to think we have no choice and no control over what we feel, think and do. We never have to hand over our security! I was so struck by the opposite of Eph. 4:15 about “speaking the truth in love.” It never hit me before that the alternative is communicating a lie in fear. What a powerful truth! I loved the sentence that said, “The enemy of your soul will never have to worry about what kind of damage you could do the kingdom of darkness if he can get you to buy the lie that you are incompetent, weak, and inadequate.” I don’t want a weak will be a tool in the enemy’s hands.
Katie
27
Married
Russellville, AL
1. I already knew from experience that men hated for women to be obsessed with what everyone else thinks and to constantly ask “am I?” questions. I used to do that a lot and my poor man grew very weary of reassuring me, “yes babe, Y.O.U. are beautiful!” The worst part was that I knew he believed it, but for the life of me I couldn’t believe it about myself. Thank God that only a few short years ago verses like Psalm 45:11 and 1 Samuel 16:7 finally made it to my heart and answered those insatiable questions regarding my looks.
What I didn’t know until I read this chapter was how much I have displayed insecurity in relationships I’ve been in over the years. I also didn’t realize how much men didn’t like seeing this in women. It actually surprised me that I didn’t know that. I grew up with a messed up view of who a woman is and how women relate to men. I was not raised to be a courageous woman, firm in the truth of Proverbs 31:25. I was raised to think so much less of myself as a woman and also in my relation to men.
2. Beth, I think you said it most succinctly on pg. 244. Its not until we decide to get strong willed about what God strongly wills that we will experience any kind of living in security. Its truth that sets us free. Insecurity=walking in lies. True Security=walking in God’s truth. The fight is in what our “will” will “will” to do (this sentence unnerves me).
Chapter 13 was a powerful chapter for me. God spoke volumes to me from pg. 245-246 about me attaching my insecurity to my loss of job and not being led to pursue a career right now. I didn’t know I was doing that! I said out loud “Nothing has the power to make me less than who Christ says I am! I’m not going to let a lack of job or career path tell me who I’m not!” God broke chains off that day, Beth! I realized that b/c I am blessed and favored I have been called to a season of “losing my life (i.e. job/career) for the sake of Christ and the gospel!
Lord, Don’t stop till I truly get it and live it out!!!!
So sorry that I have not been able to keep up with the postings. Please know that I have been doing all of my reading, however, I am trying to keep up with the reading as well as doing/leading “Esther”. What a blessing that has been! Video session 6 is what we saw today! Ciastic Structures! How awesome! Everyone absolutly loved todays lesson. Thank you Beth for your willingness to dig deep, and teach us to do the same. It has truly changed my life! Anyway, back to “Insecurity”. My I didn’t know that, would have been the way women dress. I would have thought the complete opposite, that women/girls who dress seductivly were very confident in themselves, but it makes total sense! I did know that men do not really find insecurity attractive. Though they may enjoy it for the moment, they will quickly tire of it. I am truly enjoying this book and looking forward to the simulcast on April 24. We will be watching from Antioch, IL!
Married
39 (really)
Trevor, WI
1) “AHA moment”…..I have tried many times to get my step-daughters to realize that the way they dress…..does not attract what they should be seeking! It was so good to have that confirmed by the men you surveyed!
2) ….an old saying “where there’s a will there’s a way” comes to mind here. We do have a choice. I read today that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle what happens to us! Our will can make us or break us.
Karen
TN
50’s
married
I knew men thought insecure women show cleavage. I didn’t know women found reasons not to get along,
A weak will can keep the cycle of injury going therefore making her resentful. This not only applies to porngraphy or adultery. Alcholism and emotional abuse needs to be addressed as well. If you grew up where drinking was the norm, you would not consider it a problem. When you are in a relationship with a drinker who turns emotionally abusive, you can only cry so many tears before you get fed up. Like Mrs. Beth says,”Confronting an offense and setting a boundary is never trickier than it is for a woman who is trying with all her might to be a godly wife. We can misunderstand submission to be an invitation to oppression rather than order.” This statement was a like a deafening car alarm going off to me. I am holding on for dear life this statement: “Even if your mate doesn’t end up choosing you, God has chosen you, girlfriend. Your confidence will either draw your man back to you or hold you steady if he heads the other direction.”
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stacy
45, married
Mims, FL
1) I already knew, “Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity, and seeing those displays doesn’t make them more tender or loving toward us.” I have personally seen the “run” reaction in past relationships. The hardest part, though, is that the same reaction has occurred in some friendships–which has been exceptionally more devastating for me! (I expected I would always have my friends’ unconditional love and acceptance, so losing them was more painful! My lesson: I expected more from them than I should have. It is God alone who provides that unconditional love/acceptance.)
I didn’t realize that, “The most common way to demonstrate insecurity is: cleavage.” I thought the men would feel differently–based on our society’s suggestions in the media.
2) A weak will plays into insecurity, because it doesn’t have the strength to make a positive change. It allows insecurity to continue, and the person continues to travel around the same mountain without making progress. A strong will allows change to occur, and it brings empowerment to break the chains of insecurity that bind us. Having a strong will/attitude keeps us secure.
My “I already knew that moment” was regarding how women dress when they are insecure – as far as being “sensually or immodestly dressed”. However, my “Aha!” moment was in regards to how much we talk when we are insecure. I never really thought about it, but it is so true! And, Beth, I am with you on the fact that now just being aware of that fact will help me realize it so I can stop it before it happens -especially now that I realize that other people can see past it!
God gave us the power to choose! What an awesome and amazing responsibility! That is where a weak will comes in – God gave us the privilege and responsibility to choose to be secure in who He created us to be or to be insecure. If our will is weak, then we are choosing to be insecure and choosing to not believe (regardless of what we say we believe – actions speak louder than words) who God says we are – I just finished Believing God not long ago…can you tell? I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM!
Beth – I am a middle school counselor and talk with young ladies every day who are struggling with insecurity – kids calling them names, making them feel bad about themselves, feeling like they don’t fit in, etc. After I read Ch. 13, I plan on typing up the part on p. 244 to show many of them…it is exactly what they need to think when their peers are trying to make them feel insecure. THANK YOU!
Tammy
Clarksville, TN
30s
married
Following is the post I wrote on my blog to answer this week’s questions…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Normally, it is rejection and insecurity. Tied hand in hand for me. I feel rejected… and then I feel insecure. We will get into the car… and then I cry to Anthony about it… but ask him not to fix it. Although I really do want to get over it. I just can’t.
Not this time. It was different. I anticipated the (perceived) rejection. I kept my distance so as to not give opportunity to be rejected. And strangely enough, I felt like a coward not facing my fear. And I knew I was creating an air of indifference, but I was protecting myself. And it did work. By not facing the (perceived) rejection… I did not have to deal with feelings of insecurity. But… I felt inauthentic.
Yuck.
But here’s the good news… I am seeing progress. And I’ve decided that I truly do not want to be held hostage by my insecurity any longer. Won’t you join me?
1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
Insecurity had become “automatic and unintentional” for me. It had become “second nature.” And I have truly believed that there was nothing I could do about it.
I had become more concerned with my own insecurity… and having Anthony listen to my hysteria. I had not even considered the fact that my insecurity was unattractive… and might cause a drain on our relationship.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
If we have a weak will… we can’t make a choice. We will tend “to stifle insecurities rather than allow God to flagrantly tend to them.” We will stay on the roller coaster of our emotions… because we are too scared to get off. We want someone else to make the decision for us… and then we are dependent upon them and not God.
If we have a weak will… we will let others walk over us. We will not confront them. We would rather live in a lie… then fight for the truth. “The alternative to practicing what Scripture calls “speaking the truth in love” is continuing to communicate a lie in fear (Ephesians 4:15)… Indecisiveness won’t do… When done correctly and motivated by love, confrontation becomes an act of profound compassion. Frankly, it’s easier in the short run to look the other way.”
I wish I could write more eloquently about my thoughts on this book… I’ve practically highlighted the whole thing. It is life changing, sisters. You truly need to read it for yourself… and let the healing begin.
Sheri
Portland, Oregon
40s
Married
1. I think what surprised me is that most men know we are insecure and that for some women, it means they have to dress in a provocative way and that most men don’t like for women to dress like that.
2. I think a weak will prevents us from being strong enough to stand up and say I am not perfect and there are people who do things better than I do or even look better than I do, but I am still God’s child and I will not let anyone break me anymore.
Tammy
40s
married
Kentucky
1. I never realized that guys recognized that dressing provocatively is a sign of insecurity! I always thought they were too busy drooling to notice. (by the way, I’ve always thought of men as “devils” and probably always will, since I seem to be incapable of getting healthy.)
2. I have a weak will in every possible way I think. I’ve given up getting healthy. I’m only doing this because it’s what I do and I’m going through the motions and will continue to until I finally just die. This is probably my last comment, ever. What a relief, right?!
Dear Shellie,
God never gives up on us, He loves with an everlasting love and He who starts a good work in us will finish it and we will see the victory. I have dragged my feet more times than I have walked, so I encourage you to do the little things that seem like big things and watch God bless that act of faith. The enemey likes to keep me captive in a weak will of confusion and I have had to remind myself frequently that my faith needs to hold to the truth of God’s character- ‘God is not a God of confusion’. Hold on to God’s word, God loves YOU!
“For I am confident of this very thing, that HE (GOD) Who began
a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Phillipians 1:6
1. i already knew that: men saw women who dressed with more skin showing as hugely insecure. i didn’t know that: some of them blame themselves. the man who said “we as men have failed to assure women they are God’s most beautiful creation. a woman’s insecurities could be drastically reduced if men would love like Jesus did.” i hope after this book, he is dead wrong. i hope after reading this book, we let Jesus love us like He does and we don’t need our husband’s or guy friends to puff us up. Jesus, let the fact that You are enthralled by my beauty be enough!!
2. a weak will – it is so much easier just to be who we’ve been for so many years. insecurity is easier now (or at least that is the lie we are believing) than changing, than really believing i am clothed with strength and dignity. to begin the process is difficult, but i think once we start believing those words and saying them too, it will be WAY easier than this insecurity. how funny that it is so second nature to us. we are living far lower than God ever intended. NOT ANYMORE!
1. The “I already knew that moment” for me was the comment from the man on page 236-237. My husband has told me over and over that he loves me just the way I am. I know he would like me to “just get over it”. However, even though he loves me, I also need to be able to love me.
The “that’s new to me” was that I didn’t realize guys aren’t as clueless as they sometimes seem to be but that they see and know our deepest insecurities and they truly are “onto us”.
2. A weak will plays into our insecurities because we are not strong enough to turn from the insecurity and really move away from it and break its hold over us.
1. “already knew that moment” – obsession of what people think & needing affirmation. These are the two things that were and are apart of the women of my family’s life. It still affects them today. I so want to suggest they read this book but know that it will not fly over well if I suggest it. I think I might send it to them anonymously.
“that’s new to me”- The part about the cleavage. I never thought about cleavage being a sign of insecurity but the more I reflect on it I can see how it relates.
2. A weak will allows our insecurities to surface and stay in the fore front of our mind. We make the choice to let it linger versus making the choice to acknowledge it & move on.
1. I already knew that Men are NOT attracted to insecure women. I did not know that we gave ourselves away so easily- they’re on to us!
2. I think CHOOSING to spiral upward was big for me. My weak will comes into play when I think that sucky things are just “happening” to me and I fall into the downward spiral into insecurity. I know the truth that emotions follow will and action, but applying it to insecurity is HUGE- I’d never thought of that! I can CHOOSE with my will, then act on it, and THEN my feelings follow!
Stephanie
25, Houston, TX
Happily Married
1. Chapter 12 didn’t really have many surprises although I had never really thought about incessant talking as insecurity. It makes sense, I just hadn’t defined it that way before.
2. A weak will saps us of our security by giving the power to choose to others. We allow others to decide, to make decisions and choices for us because of fear… afraid to take a stand or make a choice.
60’s
married
North Attleboro, MA
in my experience, i thought men were attracted to insecurity…
Beth, thank you so much for this book. It’s really helping me out. As I am back home after 5 years and I am meeting up with old friends, relatives and new acquaintances, this book is helping me deal with all those insecurities that pop up. So thank you. And thank you Jesus for being my security.
MOnica
30s
m with 4 kids
Sydney Australia
1. I didn’t know that men were “onto us” and can read us so well and they do a good job of playing along sometimes and they are sooo good at it we can’t tell that they are!!!!
2.The weak will has a major role and keeps us cycling in and out of bad situations and is the reason we stay in those circumstances. I have caught myself so much just in light of reading this book how when sometimes I have a negative emotion or experience I attach that to everything else and “IT GROWS”! What a defeated life I’ve led inside my head and body and now that I’m learning about it, I look back and see how its shaped my decisions and my life as a whole.I am becoming aware of triggers, refusing to surrender my security and supplanting the word of God in its place. Wearing that strength and dignity and here’s the biggy….To myself and others I am no longer communicating a lie in fear, wow,,,,how I have done that to myself, its my weak will to stay in that cycle. Thanks Mama Beth, more chains continue to fall off.
Luv ya’ll, blessings to you this Easter weekend!
Lydia, OKC, OK. Single abd 21.
1. A.) Even though men show their insecurity differently, they are just as insecure as women. B.) That men can spot our insecurities so easily.
2.) I know personally, at times when I am weak I let me emotions run away from me. I let little things or things that were not my fault play over and over in my head.
1. Incessant talking = Insecurity? Boy, do I know about that one. One of the many things that I think “Gosh, I wish I didn’t do that” is the fact that sometimes I just can’t shut up. Over the last year or so, the Lord has really been revealing to me as an offspring of insecurity. And the downward spiral you were talking about? It goes a little like this. When I have a conversation with someone… I walk away and think “I bet I talked too much. I bet they were annoyed with me. I bet right now they are thinking “Wow, she doesn’t stop talking”. I bet the next time I walk up to them they are going to dread it”. And down and down it goes….
2. A weak will implies that you’re not strong… and you have to be strong to choose. You have to be strong to fight satan’s attempt to bring us down. You have to fight him and you can’t be weak.
Jen
20’s
Married
Houston, Texas
I already knew that some men are attracted to secure women instead of insecure ones having been married to a man who was very insecure himself and basically wanted someone stronger than himself to “lead” him. I only regret that I had been more secure at the time to “lead” him to a relationship with the Savior.
I didn’t know that men could recognize our insecurity by the showing of cleavage.
ch 13
1)What I already knew and have gone through was comparing myself to other women. Then that leads to the Am I …?
Whats new to me, I didn’t realize that men arnen’t one blink healthier emotionally then we are. That made me sit down and think.
ch 14
2)A weak will keeps ypu from being who God intended you to be. It gets you hurt. It makes you believe alot of things you are not. A weak will keeps you captive to insecurity.
1. I knew that…. “The Creator of heaven and earth assigned us…immeasurable value” I know that, I just have a hard time getting it into my heart.
That’s new to me….”the more skin they show, the more insecure they are.” Looked at some girls in my daughter’s 6th grade class after I read this and I thought “aha! I get why they are already dressing the way they are! They are so insecure due to their home life!!” Also, makes me have a total different heart now when I look at immodest women, not disgust now but empathy!!
2. OK, not answering your question but rather commenting on Chap. 13: I LOVE that I can still feel my emotions, just don’t get insecure in them. One thing God has been asking me to do the past 2 months is take my Bible study ladies out to lunch one on one. I know this might not be a big thing to someone else but to me with my particular insecurities it is HUGE! I literally get sick to my stomach, cry, and am a wreck before I go. Always have a great time once I get there but it is the before that my insecurities are in full swing. I am so excited to implement this concept this week when I take someone out to lunch. I can say, “I can be nervous. I may even feel a bit intimidated. But there is no way I will feel insecure. My security is in God and not man’s acceptance.”
THANK YOU for writing this book Beth and for making yourself vulnerable! Your courage has given me courage as well. I have made myself vulnerable to my Bible study by sharing some of my insecurities with them. It has helped me so much to realize that they all probably have insecurities as well and if they see me working and overcoming maybe they will desire to do the same. Looking forward to the simulcast on the 24th!!
Q1. “I already knew that” moment was when the guy said, “Female insecurities manifests itself in nagging, self-doubt, self-loathing, seeking approval/validation, need for reassurance.
“That’s new to me” moment was when the guy said that we “show our insecurity by how we dress; the more skin we show, the more insecure we are.” I never really thought about it that way because the more skin I show the more insecure I am about walking out the door… I am very uncomfortable showing what I have; I like LAYERS! I thought my insecurity was shown by the more I had on, not the less. Who knew?
Q2. I am continuing to be tested on the things that I have learned from this and previous Bible studies. When you said, “Later I still cried about the hurtful words, but I didn’t feel insecure. Injured? Yes, but I still had my dignity, and because I did, I bounced back twice as fast as I would have otherwise.” That has been me. Several weeks ago “Rejection” was revealed to me as my source of insecurity. In this past week, my best friend of 18 years has done just that. I assumed she was VERY busy with nursing school, and her job as a social worker, but for nine months she has purposefully not returned my phone calls or cards/letters (known via my sister). In my past experiences of losing loved ones I would be devastated and lying in bed for three days crying. However, this hurt and pain is not controlling me this time, I am learning to control it and this is a BIG test… my very best friend has rejected me. In my prayers I asked what I was to learn from this pain of betrayal. What I felt come over me was the vision of the cross; God loves us even when we reject Him – and I still love her. If sacrificing our friendship brings her to Christ – so be it. I will endure this pain, and I pray that she finds Peace.
Teresa
Bardstown, KY
30’s Married
Beth and all-new job has me way behind but I am catching up!! Here are my responses…
1. “I already knew that”-the cleavage/dress issue. “That’s new to me” moment-mens distaste or turnoff for our insecurity. I can only imagine what it will do for my husband and our marriage if I let me insecurities go!
2. You are so right Beth-this simple but hard truth that it is a choice nails it on the head! We have to have the spirit of Christ in us to enable us to do what we think we can’t do or think what we struggle thinking.Ps 29:11 is my memory verse for this week. I am also vowing to quote Prov 31:25 each time I am faced with one of my insecurities.
Believing Him~Pamela, 47
Missouri
Married, blended family
Okay, to vent…I really want to get a hold of that 23-year-old guy who was stereotyping us girls. For one, he needs to meet me, because I am far beyond what he thinks all of “us” 23-year-old girls are today. Blah. That kind of made me mad. Alright, now that I wrote that… I’m over it.
#1.)I already knew that most women look for the fairytale prince. Good looks, humor, strong, can build anything with spit and duck tape, etc. I’m guilty of it…it may be the reason why all my other friends are getting married and settling down, yet I don’t even have the other half of the equations yet. I’m still looking for my “knight in shining armor.” Except, my standards go far beyond looks. I have an entire list I would like to have filled before I even look at a guy. It’s all me… I don’t allow them into my life because of my “picky-ness” …then I have the nerve to feel insecure because I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s me…it’s all me…just like this guy said (in not-so-many words.) I need to lighten up.
2.) A weak will…hmmm….I’ve never thought of a “will” to be weak, because generally when you have a “will” to do something it is usually something strong. However, I guess that is why insecurity plays a part? Maybe, because when we’re insecure our will to do things and overcome things goes down. We feel insufficient and inferior because we can get so paranoid over the smallest things to where we don’t think we can amount to anything. Ehh..that’s a disturbing thought.
Wow, what a great insight into a weak will & insecurity. thanks!
1. Something I already knew is insecurity is not attractive. That it can repel. Something I didn’t know is that men labeled these things as insecurity or that they identified the things that bug them that women do as insecurity. I have never heard a man use that word to describe the qualities that are unattractive or bug them about women.
2. A weak will for me means it is easier to go along, say yes when I should say no, try to make others happy instead of being honest, strong and disciplined, and giving in to making the decision someone else wanted but not what was best for me. I think that plays into my insecurity because I know I didn’t make the best decision and ultimately depleted my strength and made things worse and just felt bad about myself over it.
Karen
40s
single
MN
Ali
Dublin, Ohio
30
Married
I just had a realization that I must share . . .
In regards to CLEAVAGE! In my early 20s, I was the queen of cleavage. I had a lot of it, and it was quite lovely, if you really want to know. I’ll never forget something that I often told my friends: “As long as I’ve got it, I’m gonna flaunt it.”
Well guess what, be careful what you wish for! Now, at 30 and two babies later, I not only have cleavage, I have a Dolly Parton chest except that mine aren’t perky (I pay a crazy amount of money to support these babies).
Not. Perky. At. All.
Now, I struggle to find clothes that don’t show my cleavage. I joke that I could show cleavage even in a turtleneck. On a recent family vacation, I had a few pictures taken of me with my kids at the swimming pool. I can’t even show anyone these pictures because even in a very modest one-piece bathing suit, you can see cleavage. It absolutely grosses me out.
The funny thing is that at 20 years old, I was so terribly insecure. I thought my greatest asset was my cleavage, so that’s what I left out there for the world to see. I am so sad for my 20-year-old self.
Now, at 30, my overweight body is scarred with stretch marks, major belly flab, cellulite galore, and a sagging chest. And though I struggle with insecurity, I am so much more secure than I was at 20. What a difference a decade makes! Now I’m constantly trying to HIDE my cleavage. I now realize my greatest asset has nothing to do with my physical appearance and everything to do with who I am in Christ. If only someone would have told that to my 20 year old self.
Today I am thanking God for all He has taught me in 10 years. And I am praying that I can teach my daughter what no one taught me.
1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
I never knew that men actually find our insecurity a “turn-off” if you will! And that it was one of the things they really didn’t like to see us doing to ourselves.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
A weak will makes us choose the wrong things and exploits our insecurity! Satan will use a weak will to maximize our insecurities and lead us more rapidly down the wrong path!
The biggest thing that jumped out at me in this chapter was page 246…”It’s the power of choice.” Every day and sometimes moment by moment I have the ability to choose to be secure in who I am in the Lord. And believe me…lately it is a moment by moment choice!
1) My already knew that moment is that I talk incessantly and change outfits A LOT!! It’s sad that I change outfits more when I hang out with other women, than if I am going somewhere with my boyfriend! Crazy! My new to me moment is that a lot of women size each other up. I guess I have always associated “sizing up” to a man checking a women out, but I can see that it works both ways.
2) To me, a weak will will keep you in the insecurity loop. You won’t have the strength to break the cycle. I can’t tell you how many times my insecurities have “flared up” since starting this book. The devil doesn’t waste any time on trying to bring you down, but you have to KNOW that God provides you with the strength to get through anything. WE are clothed in strength in dignity.
Heather F/Beaumont, TX/29/Single
#2) Chapter 13 response
I’m one of those women who have opened Pandora’s Box (from chapter 11). I poked and prodded and obtained information. I thought I was a perfectly fine case of omniscience. I have been trying to repent and move forward in this new direction — seeking God instead of confirmation of suspicions. However, reading chapter 13, leaves me baffled again. This chapter states “doing nothing will never accomplish anything. Any verifiable evidence is enough for confrontation. If you intend for your marriage to overcome adultery of any type, you must confront if your spouse fails to confess.”
WOW. Am I ever feeling dizzy. Poking and prodding doesn’t work. Confrontation hasn’t worked real well for me either. That do something, do nothing question just keeps me osculating like a fan. I have been wrestling with this for over two years. I just have this feeling that something is not right and it will not depart. I want to respond as a Godly woman. I am just not sure what that means. I will hold onto the idea of telling myself…”you may have broken my heart and shaken me up, but you cannot have my security…I am clothed in strength and dignity. In Jesus’ name.
I have so far loved and found ths book to be where God wanted me in this season. But with out YOU all sharing how God is using it to change your self beliefs, how God is impementing it in your lives and catching insights that I would have otherwise missed or skimmed over, I wouldn’t be as actively seeing change in me.Thankyou to each of you!
Testament: I just made it thru a harsh week and saw victory in: not having fear but instead enjoyment in doing something that has crippled me with fear at the thought of it for 17 yrs. Baby step that it was,I did it w/o fear and with ENJOYMENT! God is amazing! All glory to HIM and thanks to those here who pray!! 2)I managed a stressfull anual exam, new and somewhat problematic experiences with WAY MORE dignity and strength than I would have. ( I could dance with joy) Praise HIM He DOES hear our prayers and HE DOES answer kindly!!
OK now to the questions I missed last week:
umm… ch 12 was pretty much all new and things that I’ve had to contemplate. I do wonder how one wears strength and confidence w/o being arrogant? I’ve seen many women in church leadership roles that really come across to me as arrogant-one -woman-show. THat is SO NOT what I want to be. Which leads in to Ch. 13 – Yes I am weak willed (or maybe weak willed in areas I shouldn’t and stubborn in areas that hold me into bondage and leave me relying on others since I am “not smart like they are”.)It was eye opening to see that something Ithought had been left behind once I had left home was still affecting me today. I was always the ‘slow’ one of my family,(in their eyes) even though I am the oldest. And that didn’t trouble me too much as a youngster. But now I can see that they still hold me to that view and I still accept that view. Yes, there is some truth to it but not enough to hold me back from dignity. Not enough that I have to feel lacking in the prescence of smarter faster people. God can use and speak to me as He made me and so shine brightly thru me. LOVED Hebrews 10:35-36 “Do not throw away your confidence..” I held onto that one last week!
Also loved pgs243-244 about not allowing insecurity into our other emotions.
At some point last week I started thinking about James1:1-8 and began praying with confident faith that God would get me thru the week. God will give me what I need to do what He has for me to do– insecuity not invited.
Diane
30’s
married in Ak
1. I already knew that – “duh” moment for me in the chapter was the insatiable need for affirmation. I lived here for way too long… and still fight it!!!
I guess the “new to me” would be that men are truly repelled by the displays of our insecurities. Sometimes I guess they wanted to feel that we depended on them for something, but not as much as our insecurity drives us to!!!!
2. I find myself not “standing up” for myself in a situation, or encounter, when I have every right to. I back pedal and apologize even if it’s not my fault. With a weak will, I find there are times I would rather be a “peacekeeper” rather than stand up for the TRUTH and my convictions. When I cave the “voice” kicks in telling me that i am no good, and I should have said something, that I’m stupid, and now it’s too late, and can never be fixed or corrected, etc. and it just gets worse and doesn’t make me want to stand up straight the next time, any more than the first time. In fact, I find that I get further from standing up once I don’t the first time.
Does that make any sense?
Heather
Mosinee, WI
Married
30s
1)I’ve long known that men have no time for women who are loaded up with insecurity. Even though I know that, and I know it drives my own husband nuts when I deal with my own insecurities from time to time, it’s hard to always walk with dignity, especially when I am looking for it in the wrong places!!
2)Upon reflecting on the idea of a “weak will” I think it has more to do with a lack of plugging into the power of the Holy Spirit than anything else. So much of the time I try to summon MY OWN strength to do the right thing. I need to be plugged into the Holy Spirit via prayer and God’s word, so that my strength comes from the Lord like in Isaiah 40:31.
1. I knew that men noticed insecurity when we get overly-worked up about our appearance and looks. I didn’t know that they noticed how we check-out other women. Also pretty interesting was how cleavage/dressing showing a lot of skin screamed insecurity – interesting duplicity!!
2. I think a weak-will plays into our insecurity because it is not “healed” with truth. We can try to stand up on wobbly legs when a trigger happens, but if we have not been building up our spiritual muscles (doing the work to memorize those scriptures), we will topple over and react badly. I need to CONSTANTLY remind myself: THINK like a secure person, ACT from the Holy Spirit power inside me, FEEL the attitude of my security being mine to keep, and no one can have it! I think that sometimes there is a fine-line between insecurity and a real situation that does need to be dealt with, or confronted – sometimes it is really hard for me to know the difference, but I have to keep trusting that God is helping me to know the difference, and to react properly.
Lonna
40’s
Married
Albany, OR
I hope this works and I don’t have to do a lot of navigating to leave this comment. I am late. Almost a week late posting my input for week 7.(betcha thought I was talking about something else… ha ha ha.. ) But here I am. My goodness these 2 chapters were so meaty and so piercing.
“That’s New to Me” moment:
I did not know how transparent I am in my insecurities. I find that quite embarrassing.
How does a weak will play into my insecurity?
If I continue to give into my “weak” will (if it’s so weak why is it so strong?) I will continue to be constantly overwhelmed by my insecurities and will never gain ground through God and His word. I am so grateful for your advice on page 257 to repeat ” I am clothed with strength and dignity”. And not just when I need it, but all day long in order to set my mind on truth. So eventually, the strength will be drained from my “weak” will and my will will be God’s will and then “when we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly wills, that, beloved , is the epitome of empowerment”. (page 244) Amen!
1. One “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment
Cleavage – “I already knew that” – you see it all the time, everywhere; but I didn’t realize men perceived it as a show of insecurity.
It surprised me that the majority of men spoke with admiration and respect and owned their part of “fueling the fire of female insecurity”. I’ve always thought their ideal woman was “Barbie”. I was also surprised that they could read our insecurities so well.
2. Chapter 13
A weak willed person can be easily exploited by the wrong person. With the Lord’s guidance, we know such an individual can become strong. A good lesson here is to pray that the spouse the Lord has chosen for you is the one you choose or have chosen.
Unfortunately, predators and emotional wrecks pick up on insecurity, and may try to move in and take over or monopolize. They have to prey on women that exhibit weakness because a confident woman would probably size them up quickly and send them on their way.