So Long Insecurity Week Seven!

OK. You guys were hilarious yesterday. Honestly, I had to write a number of your quirks down so I’d remember on particularly bizarre occasions that I’m not alone in my psychoses. I have a number of other quirks that I either forgot to share or felt best to keep in the family vault. In the words of the Psalmist David (my particular obsession right now), I could have gotten much more undignified than that.

I am still amused and mystified by one of the earliest ones from a Siesta that shared, “I don’t have a middle name – just an initial ‘M’.” With my wild imagination and hopeless romanticism, as a child I probably would have made up a story about my mother having named me after her own mother who was a famous movie star with a name starting with the letter “M,” who’d had to keep the pregnancy a secret and release her for adoption or else she would have broken her MGM contract but called for her on her very death bed, confessed the truth, professed her love, and gave her jewels…OR she might have named me after a secret agent (no, a double agent is better!) with a name beginning with “M” who she discovered after efforts of trained operatives failed when she accidentally intercepted a Sears catalog with a clandestine envelope tucked carefully into the bathrobe section when she knew she must book an immediate flight to Paris to perform a citizen’s arrest with a sharpened letter-opener only to throw her hand over her mouth in astonishment for there before her stood her mirror image, the twin sister she never knew she had but, alas, she was sworn to secrecy…

Uh hum. Sorry. I forgot you were there.

What are we doing here? Oh, yes! Week Seven of So Long Insecurity! Your discussions were so great last week! I’m hoping these next two chapters will also offer us a few good items to talk about. Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It’s what the guys on the survey had to say about women’s insecurities. Don’t wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It’s a little lengthier.)

1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.

2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?

I am looking so forward to your answers! Let’s recommit to our journey together even if you’ve already read the whole book. Jump in here and discuss it with us and let’s see several hundred more comments this time. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!

You are a delight to serve. I may mess around with you but make no mistake. I take this role very seriously. May Christ Jesus, our One and Only Deliverer, reveal Himself afresh to you this week with resurrection power and relentless affection. He is so worthy. And, He, Beloved, is our security.

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307 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week Seven!”

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  1. 251
    Dawn in PA says:

    Dawn
    Married in Pa.
    50s

    Beth, I love the book! I am a bit behind (will be caught up by tomorrow! Yea!) but I love it! It’s a great diversion from what I have been reading a lot of (orphans and AIDs in Africa and as Christ-followers our responsibilities) but it’s very, very powerful! So many great anecdotes, truths, Scripture verses and a little more glimpse into your family’s life. It is precious to me 🙂
    Ok on to replies:
    1) I alredy knew that my husband loves me unconditionally, with my naturally curly hair and my extra 10 lbs but it still does not help my insecurity when it comes to comparing myself with other women concerning my looks and body type.
    2) The news to me is that both MEN and WOMEN feel there’s no one nice out there to date — I hear women say it all the time — but I know soooo many wonderful young adults of both sexes — really great, both saved and unsaved — so I am just not sure how they are missing each other!!
    3) If I understood this correctly — I think a weak will plays into our security thru the example you gave of addictions and us being enablers/grace-abusers. It’s like a vicious circle – we do nothing out of weakness and it escalates and we blame ourselves more than ever and it escalates even more.
    Thank you for two great Scripts to add to my spiral cards…..Prov.31:25 aned Heb. 10:35-36!!
    Hugs!!!

  2. 252
    Sherri says:

    I already knew that moment=that men are not attracted to insecure women. Yet somehow I always seem to show insecurity around men more than women and usually with the ones I am trying to build relationships with, which don’t last.
    I didn’t know that moment=that insecurity tends to lead to a tendency to talk too much!! If that is true, I am ALWAYS insecure, because I tend to babble all the time!!

    A weak will allows insecurity to surface and even allows it to go on with excuses of “I have always been this way, I can’t change”. It also allows people to have power over us and rationalizes unhealthy choices; we are not doing anyone favors when we continue to allow this to continue. Weak wills also allow satan to attack us where we are most insecure and allow for a the downward spiral.

  3. 253
    Bonnie says:

    Bonnie
    Williamsburg, VA
    40’s
    Married

    1. A) Already knew that men were failing to assure women they are God’s most beautiful creation. But it was great to see in writing that the guy knew that men need to love us like Jesus did. It is preached but don’t always see it being applied
    B) I did not know that men saw women as insecure when they dress sensually or immodestly. That was eye opening to me. I thought women who did this were very confident of their bodies. I have always been insecure about my body and find it intimidating and frustrating when women do not dress with dignity and honor for others.

    2.The power to choose or resolve is so important in helping us overcome our weak wills. If we get caught up in the drama of life and take the focus off of God and bring it back on ourselves, we will fall victim to our weak wills. Planting God’s word into my mind through bible studies has helped me tremendously and has given me a deep longing and thirst for more of His Word. Also, having someone I can be accountable to has helped me not to fall back into my dark tower of strongholds. My hope is to keep resolving to press forward and look up. This is a long journey but with God I can do all things! And He blesses me with pilgrimages that bring different people into my life that help to encourage me along the way. I am grateful to God that he has given us the power to choose!

  4. 254
    Candace says:

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?

    1. I think most of what I read I was aware of…but it’s good to be reminded. 🙂

    2. A weak will definitely plays into my insecurities. On page 246 there is one line that really stuck with me. “Let’s learn how to process something negative without automatically allowing it to keep company with our insecurity.” That is so me. I’m ashamed to admit it, but so many times I *know* what is right or that my feelings are way off…but I feel so powerless to change them. And all those things that I *know* people do not intend towards me personally, but I take it personally. I know, it’s messed up…but it’s where I am at. I am praying God will give me the strength to not do so any longer.

  5. 255
    Martha Helen says:

    so late in posting.

    1. “I already knew that”… women are insecure about their appearance and compare themselves to other women, sizing them up. I just had no idea that men watch that whole awkward interchange and know whats going on.
    A lot of little things were “new to me”.. but i guess most new to me was that an insecure woman incessantly talks. i think that makes a lot of sense but i’ve never put the two together before. That might help me to bite my tongue more often. 🙂

    2. A weak will plays greatly into our insecurity because if we don’t resolve to change and take steps to move toward change, we simply won’t. God can give us opportunity after opportunity to change but if we keep responding the same way and affirming our negative emotions/reactions, then the downward spiral continues. I’m often reminded lately though that self-control is a fruit of the spirit and is something we can pray for Him to do in us when we do feel like we only have a weak will! Strength can rise up within us by the mighty grace of God. Praise Him.

    I just have to say that cpt 13 was likely the most profound/hugest for me thus far. the insight that i don’t have to attach insecurity to every other emotion… wow.. i’m still rocking from that one. think about it daily. it couldn’t have been a more timely chapter. God is awesome to do that for me.

    And i’m starting to dread that this book is going to be over soon. I have LOVED this journey with you girls online. i only read as the assignments come so it just feels like a nice slow but rich journey. Anyway.. onto the next assignment.

    Martha
    Asheville, NC
    25
    married

  6. 256
    Dianne Walters says:

    Running a little behind here, but determined to finish . . . and finish a more secure woman!

    Question 1: My “I already knew that” moment(s) was both the appearance issue and the babbling comment, and “that’s new to me” moment was the comment that “the more skin they show, the more insecure they are.” Even though women realize that, I was surprised that men connected that with insecurity.

    Question 2: A weak will plays a huge part in our insecurity. We are continually thrown into situations where triggers set off our insecurity and if we have a strong determination not to let those things to affect our security, we are victorious. I like the spiraling up rather than spiraling down illustration you gave. I highlighted so much on pages 240-241 and find it reassuring that . . “we can change the way we think, wehich will change the way we act. And as we change the way we act, the way we feel also begins to change. In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later.” Definitely gonna put this into practice immediately!

    Dianne – Hartselle, AL
    50’s
    Married

  7. 257
    Heidi A. says:

    I just realized that I never answered these questions and just happily moved into Week 8.

    1. While it wasn’t news to me that men are aware of the outcomes of our insecurities (emotional epsiodes, jealousies, changing of clothes, obsessiveness), I didn’t realize they actually attributed them to insecurity. I always thought they chalked EVERYTHING up to “that time of the month” whether it be right before…during….or right after.

    2. I think having a weak will keeps you held captive by your insecurities in that you don’t think you can change your situation. If you can’t stand up and WILL yourself to change an action whether you FEEL like it or not then you become paralyzed.

  8. 258
    Shelley G says:

    Whoops I feel behind…. So here is last weeks work

    Question 1.

    I knew that men were not attracted to insecurity. What I didn’t know was that they knew what our insecurities were.

    Question 2

    Weak willed women wreak of insecuritues. I know because I have weak a will. I am trying to be whole in our Lord I am trying to let Him do His work in me. I find that I am very untrusting and unsure that He is who He says He is and I am who I say I am. It is a work in progress. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who encourages me to be the woman I am and the woman that Christ wants me to become. I also have a very strong connection to my church and the women in it. God is strenthening my weak will daily.

    on to the next three chapters got alot of reading to do tonight and more questions to answer

    Shelley G
    Married
    30’s
    Lakeland, Florida

  9. 259
    Deana says:

    single
    31
    Houston, TX

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
    I already knew that men were on to us. Warning to all women: they are on to us and be careful of the quiet ones who will use your insecurities they see but do not tell you they see them in order to manipulate YOU.
    2. I was a chubby teenager and young adult until I was 26, and then I lost weight. I was always an attractive person and received compliments, but I didn’t know just how powerful beauty was until I was “skinny” and beautiful. My security in Christ left once I saw all the attention from men I could have that were successful, good looking, charming, etc. I thought I was at my most secure point in life. I was skinny, attractive, witty, a “fun girl,” turned heads at any place, and had the attention 99% of the time. I totally fell for this “worldly security.” I fell for it because it’s tangible. I could feel it, touch it, see it, live it, and boy did I fit in well! I was also a believer in Christ before I became this “skinny” person. I was more secure as a chubby person, now that I look back. I was more “innocent” and had not faced temptations like the ones I faced after losing weight. My weak will was there all along even though by the world’s standards, I had a strong will. The will to have a profession. The will to eat healthy. The will to keep up with everyone else. However, my spirit was weak in honoring Christ as Lord. You can serve only one master, and I was serving the world, and “getting what I want” by golly. My little castles of security were such lies, I now see. I am praying now in my life that my spirit is strong and one with the Holy Spirit. I am realizing that I can still be healthy, beautiful, successful, but without cockiness or lust. I am hoping to react to temptation with a will to honor Christ before self. Bottom line: a weak will may lead one to settle for instant gratification instead of living by faith and not by sight. And the result? a weakened spirit to serve God, a cycle of destruction, and missed opportunity for healing. Praise God that He will still put up with us even after we settle for less. I’m a living testimony that He will uproot our insecurities but not overnight.

  10. 260
    Tellina says:

    chapter 12
    Lots of ooh and ah ha moments to this chapter.
    I can’t remember the last time a male told me I was beautiful and meant it. I know it when my dad gives me a hug and those moments are wonderful. I also think this chapter helped me realize why working with women can be so difficult. *new insight* And how guys perceive us and react to us, I hadn’t ever given it much thought.

    chapter 13
    These pages were freeing and echo through me as I claim my security. I don’t have to let anyone steal it from me. I can, through Christ, stay secure regardless of how I feel at the moment. NO more buying into the lies. I am His!

    Ready to move on and excited about this journey. 🙂

    40, single-mother, NE

  11. 261
    Tellina says:

    Dawn in PA – I agree there are good men and women out there but I don’t know why we don’t cross paths. Beth, can you help us out in understanding this? Thanks.

  12. 262
    Anne says:

    1. “I already knew that moment” is that some people talk incessantly when they feel insecure.A “that’s new to me” is that women show their insecurity by showing too much skin.

    2. A weak will plays into our insecurity by allowing us to be strangled by emotional predators. We allow them to control us by falling for their lies that we are inferior and they “know” better than us. Also a weak will allows us to believe Satan’s lies and forget Whose we are and how He has clothed us and therefore we do not change how we act and react.

    Anne
    married
    50’s
    Greenville, SC

  13. 263
    Rhonda says:

    I’m a bit behind!!

    1. I don’t think there were really any “that’s new to me” revelations…but there were lots of “I already knew that” ones that I needed to be reminded of! Especially the fact that MOST men want us to feel and be secure. That is true in the office I work in and with my husband! They don’t want us to be insecure, but they especially don’t want to deal with us when we are and are exhibiting it!

    2. When I find myself especially weak, open to insinuation from the master deceiver, I am noticing that I am/about to give in to all those insecure thoughts and imaginations! When I speak truth to the situation, Christ is being ever-faithful to help me overcome the insecurity! Praise you Jesus!!

    Rhonda
    Oh
    49
    married

  14. 264
    AnnaRuth says:

    Anna
    25
    Single
    DFW, Texas

    Still playing catch-up!! Almost there! lol

    1. Both “I already knew that” and “that’s new to me” moments are kind of wrapped up in one for me. I knew that men were aware when we were feeling insecure, but I had NO idea that we were so transparent to them IN our insecurities! And like you said in the book, Beth, I’m having trouble not being annoyed by that!! I was also happily surprised at the number of men who stated that the more skin we show, the more insecure we are – I thought so many of them WANTED us to dress that way! I know that some men do, but it’s so nice to read how many good, true men feel differently!!

    2. My weak will has allowed so many people to walk over me. And the more people walk over me, the more I feel as useful as a doormat, which adds to so much insecurity and so much less dignity.

  15. 265
    Kristi says:

    1. already knew…men think we are pretty insecure and they would rather have a secure woman! New to me….how much they are onto us sizing each other up!

    2. Weak will plays greatly into my insecurity! I just give up on everything…makes it very hard…never been competitive about anything…maybe this is due to my insecurity all me life….have just never fought for anything…..when I do try and don’t get instant results I fall back. Have come a long way in this but still have a way to go….

  16. 266
    Tammie says:

    I really never thought about the fact that women actually look for reasons not to get along with other women. Thinking about it makes sense now and I can actually see where I have done that very thing.

    I didn’t realize cleavage was a sign of insecurity.

    As you said, “In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later.” If our will is weak it will be much harder to make changes that we so desperately need to make.

  17. 267
    Erin says:

    1. I sadly already knew that most men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity. I think I have become worse now that I am married or it’s just more in my husbands face day to day….but Im on the road to change that!! It was eye opening to me to read that one guy thought that ladies try to look for reasons not to get along rather than to get along. Sad but true in many aspects!

    2. We just have to have faith until we live by sight. Make the decision to change and by faith take the steps in that direction. We are all weak. We need God’s strength to persevere.

    Funny part in this chapter…Ive always been super insecure over my small breasts. I have always felt like a little girl rather than a women. Ive battled with this image of what I think I should look like at my age and what I actually do. When I read the comment on page 245 from the lady who had breast cancer, I was blown away. “Im not going to let a pair of breasts tell me who Im not” haha that’s awesome! I never thought of it that way before. The enemy has me dwelling on what Im not rather than seeing myself as who God made me – A women with smaller breasts (Get on with it!! God knows what I can handle and what I can’t). Praise the Lord!

    Erin
    Glendale, CALIFORNIA
    32
    Happily Married

  18. 268
    Anonymous says:

    TX
    Married
    41 years old

    1. “I already knew that” moment: p. 232 last paragraph “…another telltale sign a woman is feeling insecure is incessant talking.”

    I already knew this only because my counselor has brought this to my attention. I guess I didn’t realize how much extra talking I’ve done all my life especially when I am insecure. I just chalked it up to I was a motor mouth. But now through this current bit I’m climbing out of I realize how my mouth continued due to insecurities. Throughout this past year when I’m not feeling secure in my relationship with my husband and we’re having a “discussion,” I go on and on and on and on. I beat a dead horse into the ground and then do it again. Then I get louder for his sake, of course, to drive my point in deeper to him because I know he isn’t getting. Now mind you, my husband is highly intelligent and understands others when they speak just not when I speak especially during my insecurity.

    “that’s new to me” moment: p. 234 last sentence first paragraph “We fight the same tendency when we strive to control our guys, and then when we finally get them to submit to us like whipped dogs, we thing they’re a little pathetic.”

    I’ve am paying for the destruction I’ve done in my marriage to my husband. God has allowed me to be put through the wringer to learn lessons about how I’ve destroyed the man I loved through being the controlling wife. The very things I loved are no longer part of my spouse because I tore him up piece by piece until he had enough and found someone else who’d love him, encourage him, and accept all of him. Before the revelation of his betrayal and even a year or so before that when he went behind my back in another area I was put off by my husband — he was wimpy and pathetic in my eyes. Even at times now after 8 ½ months of pain staking therapy, book reading, God revelations I see how I brought my spouse down to a level where he wasn’t who God wanted him to be. Through God’s grace, I am finally being able to put my life back together piece by piece as He reveals Himself to me more each day and guides me to become the woman he desires me to be. I am no longer who I was. I never want to go back to the place I was knocking down my husband, belittling him, and even laughing/mocking him at times. God forgive me. Make me better than who I am!

    2. We must be willing to take a stand and fight for our life to become secure. When our will is gone or weak our insecurity grows leaps and bounds. This is when I quickly find myself thrown into a pit that I don’t have the strength to climb out of without a strong defending will.

  19. 269
    Patty says:

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
    a.) knew that: “They show their insecurity by how they dress; the more skin they show, the more insecure they are”
    b.) Fresh Air to me: “Men are more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is..”
    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
    From p.246 I must learn to process negative experiences without automatically allowing them to make me feel insecure. I have God-given security, and no one gets it by force. But if I am weak-willed I won’t hold on tight to my security. Instead I will end up handing it over to someone who is manipulative, domineering, and/or predatory.

    Bonus: well said and often not taught: “The human spirit is not strong enough long enough to keep its security afloat in the shark-infested waters of our current society……. His (Holy) Spirit takes up residency inside and you possess what the Bible calls “all-surpassing power”….(such that) the next time a situation arises that would normally set off an internal security alarm, you have the wherewithal to react like a totally different person. A very secure person….(from pp.242 & 243)

  20. 270
    tulakarras says:

    tula – houston, tx – 30 – single

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.

    I already knew that men think we’re most insecure in the area of appearance, but I didn’t know that we were so obvious in comparing ourselves to other women…how embarrassing! I never would have thought they’d be that on to us….never.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?

    If we are triggered by insecurity & allow how we feel in that moment to affect how we act, we are giving away our God-given security. We must change the way we think then the way we act will change, and eventually the way we feel will begin to change too.

  21. 271
    Yolanda says:

    1. an obsession with what people think, (makes me instantly think of people pleasing) and I’m learning that my goal and focal point, is to be pleasing to my Creator, to Father God Himself. I had never really thought about the thought of: insecurity doesn’t invite intimacy. I know it is true, but I hadn’t put the two together.

    2. weak will play into our security? Goes right back to allowing others to manipulate us into being something or someone we aren’t. Stay true to who and what God has called and made me to be.

    Yolanda
    40’s
    married
    Kansas

  22. 272
    Stephanie T says:

    Stephanie T
    Married
    Macclenny, FL
    30’s

    Ch 12: I wasnt really surprised by any of the responses from the guys, but at the same time it was nice to be reminded. I think the most impacting was that guys dont want insecure women. They dont want to have to constantly reassure or reaffirm their wives.

    Ch 13: The will is something that I have always struggled with. I have never had any willpower. But, in order to be secure, it will take will. It will take gumption and work and most importantly concreting in my mind that it is GOD’s WILL that I be secure in who I am in Him alone.

  23. 273
    Chesney says:

    So, I’m late…but I’m choosing NOT to be insecure about it becasue that would defeat the purpose of continuing to read this book. 🙂 1. Two things that somewhere deep inside I think I knew, but freshly hit me and really made sense were a) the more skin we show the more insecure we are…this really helps when I am making wardrobe choices- I can begin coming more and more secure just by choosing to dress in a way that shows I know am beautiful on the inside. and b) insecurities dont attract men, they repel them, they dont invite intimacy, but rather uncertainty.
    2. When we have a weak will we are continually insecure because we dont make the CHOICE to “respond securely” so that we can “act securely” and then eventually “feel secure”.

    Love you ALL! 🙂

    Chesney
    16
    Single-but totally dating Jesus 😉
    Knoxville

  24. 274
    Anonymous says:

    Because of the nature of this subject, I am posting as anonymous…….and I know it’s long. But important.

    This afternoon, my back started bothering me again. I spent several hours down and decided to finish up my reading of SLI. In the midst of Chapter 13, when reading of the devastation that pornography wreaks, the Lord was prompting me to talk with my 17 year old son. Over two years ago, he confessed to a problem with online pornography that actually was triggered by our daughter’s art books that featured some nude subjects. Over these two+ years, we’ve monitored and talked and prayed. Recently he had a major fall and we’ve been trying to work it through. Today we had a breakthrough, and I feel the prompting to share it here.

    During our conversation, he told me that neither I nor my husband had ever told him, “Never go to a pornography site.” What was said was, “Don’t ever go to “those” sites.” What he was telling me is that he needed a direct command from his parents to never go to a pornography site. Our older son once said something similar to me regarding a different issue. His recollection was that we had said, “That’s not a good idea.” We have talked and taught the truth of God’s word around our meal table since our kids were tiny. We have done so when we lie down and rise up and as we walk along the way. But somehow, with the boys, we missed this critical aspect of teaching: “Do not do _________.” We thought we had. But something was lost in the translation. With our girls it is not the same, at all. They understood the truth without direct command attached to it.

    I am reading a book entitled “Wild Things:The Art of Nurturing Boys.” The authors clearly delineate that boys need structure. Clear-cut boundaries. Direction. I believe this needs to be part of Spiritual training as well.

    In my conversation with my son today, I gave that command to “never go to a pornography site again.” His response was, “Okay,” with finality. I then went on to explain to him, again, that the enemy of our souls is trying to use this to devastate his life now and his life later. My son is a warrior at heart. Truly. I talked to him of the fact that he needs to recognize his adversary for who he is, and fight him accordingly. Not give way and give the enemy an opportunity to take him out. With tears, he agreed. I also told him that someday, when the father of the girl he wants to marry asks him, “When was the last time you exposed yourself to pornography?” he would be able to say, “March 2010.” For real. He said, “Me, too.”

    I believe that today was a breakthrough. A turning of the tables. A reversal of destiny. Praise God. Not that we stop monitoring, talking and praying. We continue to walk with eternal vigilance.

  25. 275
    Carol Gray says:

    1. I’ve thought for years how silly it is to “define” ourselves by how other women think we look. I just didn’t realize men were so onto us about that!
    AND…”A telltale sign that a woman is feeling insecure is incessant talking.” STUNNED me! I caught myself doing that at a Christmas party. Won’t share why, but I realized I was doing it while it was happening. Then after heading home, mentally beat myself up about it. NEVER connected it with insecurity, but that’s exactly what it was.

    2. That’s pretty easy because I do it all the time! I REALLY want to change the way I feel about something, so I determine — “this time I absolutely mean it” determine — and get up that day thinking it’s another day of “one day at a time” being successful (except it’s one incident at a time), and before I know it that determination is easily flicked out of my mind. So days later I realize that I subconsciously confirmed my insecurity instead of taking control of it, just allowing it to still stay alive and active, and a little healthier. Grrrrr!

  26. 276
    Cara says:

    1. I already knew men do not like clingy, needy women. I probably didn’t know how easy those women are to spot.

    2. I think a weak will plays into our insecurity because we try on our own to fix whatever our issue may be. It often works for a while and then eventually we just can’t do it any longer. Our failure leaves us feeling more insecure and worthless.

    Cara
    Riverview, FL
    Married- 30’s.

  27. 277
    Robin says:

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
    I knew I compared myself to other women, but I always blamed that on the men comparing us to other women. Men are so visual as I have come to learn and I have a hard time with that. I know my husband loves me, but when he talks about women he sees on TV and Movies, I can’t help but compare myself. I truly believe that he doesn’t mean to make me feel this way and I know that it has a lot to do with my insecurity more than him. I know God put me and my husband together, so whenever I start to doubt, I just go back to the beginning and remember how God worked and how my husband and I ended up together. I have no doubt that it was God, and what God joins together, no man can tear apart.
    I liked the last paragraph on page 237 about men wanting a confident woman. I have been told in my past, during my dating years, that I was the girl who someone would marry but didn’t want to date. I was always insulted by that, but being a preacher’s daughter and a Christian, and knowing what I know now, I should have been flattered back then. But being a teenage girl in this world is not an easy task. Looking back now, I see how God had his protecting hands around me. He protected me from all the wrong guys and I am so thankful. I am also thankful for the Husband he gave me and my beautiful daughter. I am working on being thankful for the step-son I have as well. I know God gave me my Husband and my husband’s son was also part of that, so God gave my step-son to me as well. I know it in my mind but I just can’t seem to get it to my heart. It will truly take a miracle from God because this issue has been present for 13 years now.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
    First I want to say that I love the line “Things that aren’t dead don’t stay buried.” I have suppressed my emotions for as long as I can remember. I have hid feelings that I was told I wasn’t supposed to have. I thought I could bury them and never have to deal with them. However, they always surface because they are not dead and actually they are worse when they resurface than they were the first time. This sheds a whole new light on my roller coaster of emotions. Thanks. The first paragraph on page 241 also gave me much needed insight. I now know it is okay to feel the way I feel, but I can choose how I react to the situation. The list on the bottom of page 243 and the top of page 244, is exactly what I needed. We have emotions and it is okay. We just need to recognize them and deal with them and let God help us with our reactions. I have dealt with depression as long as I can remember and over the years I have learned so much about myself trying to understand why. How could I miss this insecurity thing? I think knowing it is okay however I feel, because the feelings are real. For some reason, if I didn’t react and let everyone know how I felt, then my feelings weren’t validated. If I can really grasp the truth that my feelings are real and I do not have a choice how I feel, but I DO have a choice how I react, then I know my life will be much better for it.
    I could go on and on. I analyze everything to death for the most part. But the main thing here is God has the power to save our soul from hell, so I know He can save us from our own insecurities!!! I like the ending of the chapter “WE ALL NEED GOD.” Amen.
    p.s. Sorry I am so far behind, Beth, I kept trying to catch up and I would get close then something would happen and I would be behind again. My goal now is to finish before the simulicast.

  28. 278
    Andrea S. says:

    1. I already knew that…our insecurity is SO unattractive to men. Unfortantely I have been the poster-girl for this one for YEARS in my life. I come from a background of sexual abuse and for A LONG time believed that I needed a man to be of any worth. That’s new to me-that we are so obnoxiously obvious in our pursuit to “size each other up” and compare and tear each other down….Ugh!

    2. My weak will causes me to spin out of control and act in ways I later regret. I often walk away with my head hanging because I KNOW I could have handled that so much BETTER!

    20’s
    Married
    Moorhead, MN

  29. 279
    Kim Davis says:

    1A. The one thing I already knew was men noticing when we (women) worry about looks and what other women think of us.

    1B. A new thing I found interesting through reading Ch. 12 was at the end of the day, both men and women want to be with someone they can respect. As simple of a concept as it was, I just needed that simple statement.

    2. A weak plays into my insecurity by not allowing myself to stand firm on what I believe and not staying focused on God’s Will and call on my life. This will only allow others and the enemy to manipulate and take my security away from me. If my will is weak, my reactions are often delayed and my emotions and feelings often control my life.

  30. 280
    katie says:

    1. “i already knew that”: men know how insecure we are with our appearance
    “that’s new to me”: the quote “when women’s insecurities are vividly displayed to us, it turns us off, frustrates us to no extent. ad perplexes us.” I consistently notice this attitude in my husband–although I didn’t understand it. from my end, my “pathetic” displays of insecurity were/are a cry for help that i expect my husband to pick up on, and to be tender with me. I now understand why he instead has a negative response…my insecurity turns him off!! who knew?

    2. a weak will causes us to hand over our “power” to people/things that are changing, will fail us, and cannot provide security; instead of giving that power only to God–wo really knows who we are in the first place. it’s crazy to think about how simple it is to just believe that i am clothed with strength and dignity. period. i need grace and help in my unbelief..

  31. 281
    katie says:

    1. “i already knew that”: men know how insecure we are with our appearance
    “that’s new to me”: the quote “when women’s insecurities are vividly displayed to us, it turns us off, frustrates us to no extent. ad perplexes us.” I consistently notice this attitude in my husband–although I didn’t understand it. from my end, my “pathetic” displays of insecurity were/are a cry for help that i expect my husband to pick up on, and to be tender with me. I now understand why he instead has a negative response…my insecurity turns him off!! who knew?

    2. a weak will causes us to hand over our “power” to people/things that are changing, will fail us, and cannot provide security; instead of giving that power only to God–wo really knows who we are in the first place. it’s crazy to think about how simple it is to just believe that i am clothed with strength and dignity. period. i need grace and help in my unbelief..

    north carolina
    20s
    married

  32. 282
    Meggie says:

    1. I already knew that: women around other women. Page 231.

    That’s new to me: that they actually wrote down and thought about “Cleavage… how women dress; the more skin they show, the more insecure they are.” Page 233

    2. Insecurity gets lots of food from a weak will. Thank you, Jesus, that we are able to choose, that we don’t have to stay the way we are. We can choose YOU!!!

  33. 283
    WorthyofLove says:

    1. Ch 12 A)Knew already ?????
    B)New To Me (Lots Here)
    1.”women size each other up & look for reasons not to get along”…I didn’t know they knew that!
    2.”We strived to get control over our guys & when they submit…we think they’re a little pathetic.” New thought.
    3. “Insecurity does not invite intamacy. It invites uncertainty.” I’ve never looked at it that way. That makes so much sense.

    2. Ch 13 How does a weak will play into our insecurity? It can keep us from doing what we know is right – from walking away from unhealthy relationships.

  34. 284
    Katie says:

    Katie
    20s
    Married
    Firestone, CO

    I finished the book but am still catching up on homework… I lost steam when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to make it to the Simulcast… God is good and has a purpose in it, I’m sure!

    1.
    “Already knew that” – Our concern about appearance is our most obvious insecurity.
    “News to me” – That men are put off by insecurity and would much rather have a confident woman.

    2.
    A woman with a weak will hands her security over to people often, while a woman with a strong will won’t allow her security to be given away with other painful emotions.

  35. 285
    sepik-meri katie says:

    katie, 20s, wewak PNG, single

    1. already knew that insecurity is a repellant! new to me was that the more skin they see is a gauge of insecurity! HMM!
    2. a weak will plays into my insecurity because a weak will is pushed around by emotion!!! when you make the choice, you are strong-arming your emotions into submission. you choose first or even act it out -let the feelings come later. loved this! you can’t spiral UP with a weak will!!

    i was bummed to hear of some ladies who missed the question or how to answer it… don’t miss this part!! go back & don’t stop reading it until you get it! the devil wants you to miss it!

    this chapter was such a major-huge power-packer for me, the whole thing is highlighted and written all over. loving this and loving you!! thanks B!

  36. 286
    Fran says:

    1 — My “I Already Knew That” … women most insecure about their appearance

    My “That’s New to Me” … women’s insecurity can be 2nd nature

    2 — A weak will makes me unable to carry through with a strong decision to overcome which leads to insecurity and/or the increase of it.

  37. 287
    Deirdre says:

    1. the “I already knew that” moment is when you said that men have us pegged. My husband proved that to me a long time ago. And has done his best to help heal me. Trouble is that as wonderful as he is, it is out of his hands.

    2. A weak will makes it just that much easier for Satan to convince me of my non-worth. but God says that I am precious to HIM, so there!

    Deirdre Russell
    http://www.screamofcontinuousness.wordpress.com

  38. 288
    MollyDolly says:

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies. I knew that men “said” they liked secure women. I didn’t know that they can see through all our shenanigans (like sizing other women up!) and really, truly WANT a secure woman.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity? Because God’s deliverance is ALWAYS present to those who are secure or insecure alike. The difference is the women who CHOOSE and WILL God’s truth about his creation to take root in their life.

  39. 289
    rhonda says:

    1. I guess the “that’s new to me” was that they view how women dress. To see it as insecurity and yet at the same time be drawn to it.
    2. A weak will causes us to be tossed around. EVERY single stinking comment someone makes we put on like a cloak instead of willing ourselves to cast off what is not of Christ. I speak from experience. Every negative thing someone would say I grabbed up and put on. Layer after layer. Until I came to the very point I realized I choose. I choose. Not what happens, or how people act, but how I respond and what (and who) I focus my mind on.

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