So Long Insecurity Week Seven!

OK. You guys were hilarious yesterday. Honestly, I had to write a number of your quirks down so I’d remember on particularly bizarre occasions that I’m not alone in my psychoses. I have a number of other quirks that I either forgot to share or felt best to keep in the family vault. In the words of the Psalmist David (my particular obsession right now), I could have gotten much more undignified than that.

I am still amused and mystified by one of the earliest ones from a Siesta that shared, “I don’t have a middle name – just an initial ‘M’.” With my wild imagination and hopeless romanticism, as a child I probably would have made up a story about my mother having named me after her own mother who was a famous movie star with a name starting with the letter “M,” who’d had to keep the pregnancy a secret and release her for adoption or else she would have broken her MGM contract but called for her on her very death bed, confessed the truth, professed her love, and gave her jewels…OR she might have named me after a secret agent (no, a double agent is better!) with a name beginning with “M” who she discovered after efforts of trained operatives failed when she accidentally intercepted a Sears catalog with a clandestine envelope tucked carefully into the bathrobe section when she knew she must book an immediate flight to Paris to perform a citizen’s arrest with a sharpened letter-opener only to throw her hand over her mouth in astonishment for there before her stood her mirror image, the twin sister she never knew she had but, alas, she was sworn to secrecy…

Uh hum. Sorry. I forgot you were there.

What are we doing here? Oh, yes! Week Seven of So Long Insecurity! Your discussions were so great last week! I’m hoping these next two chapters will also offer us a few good items to talk about. Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It’s what the guys on the survey had to say about women’s insecurities. Don’t wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It’s a little lengthier.)

1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.

2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?

I am looking so forward to your answers! Let’s recommit to our journey together even if you’ve already read the whole book. Jump in here and discuss it with us and let’s see several hundred more comments this time. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!

You are a delight to serve. I may mess around with you but make no mistake. I take this role very seriously. May Christ Jesus, our One and Only Deliverer, reveal Himself afresh to you this week with resurrection power and relentless affection. He is so worthy. And, He, Beloved, is our security.

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307 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week Seven!”

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Comments:

  1. 101
    Nancy says:

    1. I've finished the book and Chapter 12 was the only chapter I didn't highlight or underline a single thing. No suprises.

    2. A weak will makes me think it is easier to do nothing; too hard to fight; to high to climb. I could have acccomplished so much more than I have if I'd not given in to that weak will.

    Nancy/40s/SC/married

    • 101.1
      Sandy says:

      Question 1: I already knew that is that women do compare ourselves to other women and can easily feel inferior when talking to a “beautiful” woman, an accomplished one and even a thin one, a younger one, and the list could go on. Silly really. It is like telling God that he didn’t do his job right.
      That’s new to me was that men see through our mask of insecurity. And we thought that we were hiding it so well.
      Question 2: If we continue to be weak willed and never seek God’s unlimited strength, our insecurities will continue to overcome us instead of overcoming our insecurites.
      Add on: I just wanted to thank you Beth for your willingness to teach God’s word. I have also just finished “When Godly People Do Ungodly Things”. It is amazing how that study and this book tie together. God has really used these 2 studies to work in my life. Thank you for your dedication, hard work, and love for women everywhere. Bless you Beth.

  2. 102
    Anonymous says:

    1. I was struck with one of the insecurities that guys see in us–an obsession with what people think. That's me, though I hadn't chalked it up to insecurity yet. It was good to see myself through the eyes of my man, and to realize how much my insecurity must drive him crazy. I have a hard time making decisions without worrying about what everyone else will think. I don't want to be that person anymore. And I'm sure he doesn't want me to be either.

    2. To root out our insecurities, we need to decide to change the way we think which will in turn change the way we act, (and feel). If we are too weak willed to put forth the effort to do this, we will remain where we are, living in insecurity. I loved what you taught though Beth, about how we need supernatural strength for this; we cannot do it on our own. But as we believe Him to do in and through us what we know we could not do on our own, His strength will shine through in our weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9

    Terri
    Married
    40's
    Seattle, WA

  3. 103
    Lisa says:

    1. Already knew- men know our appearances are our biggest area of insecurities.
    That's new to me- Men love us exactly the way we are? Even though my husband tells me this I needed to hear it from others to really believe it to be true I guess.

    2. Being weak willed makes us believe that something that hurts us emotionally can take our security from us. We have the power, who have Jesus as our Savior to be what God created us to be!

    Chapter 13 was very powerful to me in ways I wish didn't need to be. I sure underlined a lot of this chapter, and wrote several scriptures in my spiral from this week!

    Thanks so much Beth. I love my Siestas who are sharing their victories and struggles with us! Especially Ann & Heidi,you are living it out girls!! Way to go!

    Lisa
    40's married
    Edinburg, TX

  4. 104
    Kendra says:

    Hey, still waiting to read this book because right now I am doing your Daniel study and it hits a lot of the same things for me. I was a tenured teacher who was forced to resign over a parent complaint and some stories from children in my class that were not true. Talk about feeling insecure-it felt like half of my heart was ripped out and now I have spent 4 months trying to figure out what God wants me to do next. The great thing is He has given me strength to face the ones who did this to me and I have shown them Christ's smiling face every time- I know a non believer could not have that God strength, so I am so thankful for you and your ministry-it is helping me get through a trial in my life-thanks so much!

  5. 105
    Bridget in Phoenix says:

    So my book is downstairs right now and I don’t know Chp 12, but have to tell you that chp 13 was sooo impactful this very night! I delivered some difficult news to my husband, who didn’t take it very well regarding an investment that was originally my idea (let that be a lesson in trying to lead 🙁 ) Anyway I had just read that insecurity doesn’t have to be a twin to other emotions – and I have the power to choose. I “knew” that sort of, but God sure has fantastic timing! As my husband and I were discussing the situation I didn’t dissolve into a pile of weepy mush, and didn’t take his insecurity about the situation into my heart. God can work on him and I trust that He will use this situation as He needs to in His timing (and will continue to pray!). I chose to go upstairs and pray, and Jesus met me there – all i could ask at first was Lord, I’m just numb, would YOu pray for me? And after a little while He brought to mind some of the precious memory verses, and even the verses on the journal to return my vision to Him. Psalm 42 – why is my soul so downcast – trust in God for I will yet praise Him!!

    Praise His Name for seeing this poor woman!!

    Bridget in Phoenix
    (almost) 40

  6. 106
    Kendall says:

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment.
    I already knew that most men know our biggest insecurities center around appearance. It was new to me that they are aware of our insatiable propensity to compare ourselves to other women. It also sunk deeper into my soul that insecurity repels it does not attract and how frustrating it is for men to have to go up against what we deem as our insecurities.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
    Weak will in reacting badly to a situation then….
    Humiliation and self condemnation for acting that way then….
    Feeling more insecure that we did in the first place then….
    The next time our reaction is even worse leading to weaker will then…
    More self hatred then….
    Insecurity becomes pervasive and exhausting!!

  7. 107
    Lanaya says:

    Jacksonville, FL
    30 years old, married 10 years.

    It surprised me how men are actually ‘on to us’. So just because too much cleavage catches a guy’s eye, doesn’t mean he cares about us when he’s looking at us. He actually is kind of despising us while using us for his pleasure. I’m glad to know men respect women of confidence and security. I’ve suspected that, but am glad to hear it from their mouth.

    It takes guts to be secure in the face of onslaught.

  8. 108
    heather vanhanxleden says:

    well…I must admit-three out of the seven of our kids don’t have middle names. there was no real rhyme or reason(obviously)just didn’t want any or thought their first name was enough with our incredible long and unusual last name. One more almost didn’t either but the last day in the hospital we added it and so glad we did-it is Joy-and she is filled with it! it fits perfectly!
    it didn’t suprise me that men are on to us…but the way we dress was interesting. I am half way through ch.13 but got the opportunity to use my new method at church Sunday. I found myself letting something get to me and I started “talking” to myself and it went away! No downward spirals. Praise the Lord! He is good.

  9. 109
    Katie says:

    1. I knew that men could spot certain behaviors and know they were the result of insecurities, I guess I was a little surprised to know that they recognized us sizing each other up when we meet. I thought that was something only women knew about each other and noticed. Not sure if my husband would notice that though? I agree with the men that it is really pathetic, I try not to do it but it’s hard not to. I need to pray for a better heart towards all women and when someone does that to me, to not allow it to affect my security.

    2. A weak will gets us into situations that can ultimately affect our security. I have had this happen in my life – it was a very good chapter – a lot of things I can pull out again in the future and remember how to redirect my thinking in situations.

    ps Thank-you for the part you wrote in the previous chapter on addicts in our lives, it came at just the right time. I needed to hear that. I read it to my husband and he was amazed at the timing and said, “You obviously needed someone to tell you that.” Thank-you!

    Evergreen, CO
    40s
    Married

  10. 110
    Tami says:

    1. I sort of knew that many husbands think their wives are more beautiful than their wives believe they do.
    I did not realize that insecurity is a huge repellent, and that asking “Am I?” questions is an indicator of major insecurity. That was helpful insight.

    2. When I am weak willed I have a worldly perspective on things. I tend to believe lies about who I am and what I am cabable of doing or becoming. Then I walk out those lies, as if there is no hope of change. However, when I agree with my Creator about who I am and what I am capable of doing or becoming, I am no longer weak willed. I am empowered by Him to overcome the lies and begin to change the way I think, which will change the way I act and ultimately change the way I feel.

    I’ve already put these principles into practice and seen some changes in how I feel. Once I became aware of the trap, I was amazed at how easy it was to avoid it.

  11. 111

    My answers for you beautiful gals!

    1. I was very interested in the fellow who mentioned that women tend to size one another up and will purposefully look to NOT get along. My friend Molly calls situations like these “catty messes.” That’s really what it boils down to. A jealous mess. I was proud of the guy who saw it for what it was!

    2. Having a weak will to me is the opposite of breaking free. Either you’re out or you’re in. With this study in particular, for me it has to be all or nothing. Last night I was reflecting on some of the men’s comments in Chapter 12, and it opened a door of conversation for my hubby and I. He can be SO CRITICAL of women. I mean it. Last night was the perfect example~ I was watching Kay Arthur on tv (who we all LOVE), and my hubby walked in and said, “Sheesh, what’s with the scary lady?” He was referring to her red lipstick, which he doesn’t particularly care for. I think my jaw actually separated from my body when he said that. Kay is one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen (physically, spiritually, mentally, you name it – she’s every woman), so to hear him be so critical without knowing a single thing about her was just beyond rude. He got an earful for the next half hour, but afterwards I told him that hearing him be so critical of women (and it’s EVERY woman), makes me really wonder WHY. His behavior is exactly the kind of stuff that makes our gender want to nip and tuck everything until the cows come home. It must have really made him think, because this morning before I left for work, he said something that I haven’t heard him say in years…”You look pretty today.”

    I love you girls. I don’t even have to see you to know that you, too, look pretty today. Have a happy Tuesday 🙂

    • 111.1
      Leslie Lauren says:

      The nice thing about this new blog is that we can reply to our own comments if we leave our info off 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m really bad at remembering, but at least now I can semi-fix my comments when I forget 🙂

      Leslie
      Late 20’s
      Married
      Orlando, FL

      🙂

  12. 112
    Kim Resendes says:

    Chapter 12
    Interesting that guys think cleavage is a sign of insecurity, yet they will still look?? Then they say they are repelled by insecurity…does anyone see the paradox here????

    Chapter 13
    Obviously our weak will denies the power of God in our life, especially in our decision-making ability. Either we don’t believe in the super-natural power of God (for us), OR, we fear the worldly consequences of standing up for God. It’s probably a combination of both. Both are sin, don’t be fooled.
    I choose to grab my dignity and security back but I KNOW how weak-willed I am. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the “work” of the choice that I fear I will sabotage the work of God in my life.

    Kim
    40’s
    married
    Trenton, OH

  13. 113
    Kim says:

    Well I am finally posted on time. Yeah for me. This week I am feeling like a bit of a failure. I just don’t seem to be moving in the right direction. In fact just yesterday I made such a fool of myself. Argh. I know it is the enemy, but I keep hearing why are you bothering to read that book it is not help you in the least, in fact you seem to be more of a mess than ever,over and over in my head. I so want to have victory in this area because it effects so much. And yet I am worried, yes I know it is a sin, that I’ll get to the end of the book and I won’t have grown one bit. I know it is with God’s power and only God that I can change. But I’m still feeling like a bit of a failure. On that happy note here are the answers to the questions.

    1. I did not know that men see women who show some cleavage as being insecure. I knew that those who talk a lot are basically insecure. That last was a good reminder for me. Something I have been thinking about a lot lately and need to work on.

    2. Weak will. Hmmm. It is what gets in the way of acting the way we should act and the way we do act. Not sure that says it exactly right, just not sure how else to say it.

    Married
    50
    Thatcher, AZ

  14. 114
    Nancy says:

    1. Growing up and in high school, all my friends were guys, and they treated me as “one of the guys” so there were a lot of things that fit in the “I already knew that” from having a pack of guys as close friends. (which speaks highly to the insecurities I felt around women and my own gender growing up! 🙂 ) Probably the “that’s new to me” momement is that another telltale sign of a woman’s insecurity is incessant talking. I’ve been guilty of that myself, and have seen it in other friends. Hadn’t thought of it as a sign of insecurity before but can see that now, and really didn’t think guys thought that..only that they were men of fewer words and didn’t enjoy the babble of women.

    2. A weak will causes the downward spiral of death, as we allow triggers of insecurity to jump start our behaviors which we cannot overcome with will power, so we then feel like a failure, thereby dropping deeper in the pit of despair and greater insecurity. Thankfully God can and will turn that spiral around if we let Him!!!

    Nancy
    Late 30s
    Single

  15. 115
    Jen H. says:

    1) My “already knew that” moment was that men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity. My “that’s new to me” moment was that, whether men have their acts together or not, we can still learn from what they have to say about us. I think I’ve been of the mind that, until they pull they planks out of their eyes,I don’t have to listen to what they say. But I realize that is my own little self-defense mechanism I’m putting into play there. It’s me being defensive rather than hearing them out. I don’t have to wait for my husband to be perfect (‘cuz he will never be) before I start listening to what he has to say about me. I don’t want to be defensive. I want to hear him, and he deserves to have me do that!

    2)A weak will plays into our insecurity because when we dwell on “I can’t do it” we are already setting ourselves up for failure. I love the whole part on changing the way we think, which will change the way we act. I give myself so much negative self-talk, that I leave little room for truth to sink in much of the time. I have to admit that, as I’ve read the book, I’ve still given myself little excuses along the way for why some women still have an edge over me as far as obtaining security because they have the one thing I’m looking for already. I want SO MUCH to have my thinking change so I can start believing the truth about who I am- and to rest in the security I have in Christ rather than letting anything else bring me down. I have a long way to go.

    And I wanted to respond to Ann from Texas, too! I am so proud of you and my heart rose into my throat just imagining how difficult that must have been for you. Way to go! You are so courageous, and how amazing to see what we can do when we let Christ lead! Good for you! 🙂

    Jen H.
    30’s
    Sun City, AZ
    married

  16. 116
    Stacy says:

    1. I think what was new was the thing about cleavage. I never thought that and that is what men see. Interesting.
    2- I so think when we hear the enemy speak to areas we struggle, and we agree. He sure knows how to sneak those lies into us. And sometimes for me, it takes a while to see it is the enemy.

    I am really glad you wrote this book Beth. Thank you

    Stacy,
    Cincinnati, OH
    40’s married

  17. 117
    Anita says:

    Hope this makes it…this new format has thrown me a little. Was just gettin’ comfortable with the other one. Anyway, I just want to say that things are beginning to fall into place a little at this point. Thank you Father. Some things have made if (finally, finally) from my head to my heart. God is faithful.

  18. 118
    Anita says:

    Opps…I forgot, Anita
    50’s
    married
    Pennsylvania

  19. 119
    2bfree says:

    1. One thing that I already knew from Chapt. 12 was where you said the more you got off your chests the more your hearts were revealed. We have been talking about that recently and have noticed that insecurity makes some talk too much and the more they talk the more they reveal!!
    What was new to me was the degree to which men get it that women reveal insecurity by lack of dress. . . I thought they enjoyed it! If not in their own wife, at least in others’!

    2. My weak will plays into my insecurity especially in owning the problem. My husband’s porn addiction has devastated me and yet I have grappled with taking the blame. The problem is somehow mine for not liking it. By God’s grace. . . NO more!!

    Thank you so much for your ministry!!

  20. 120
    Martha says:

    Pine Bluff,Ar
    60’s(late)
    Widow

    I’m keeping up with the reading assignments but have not been consistent with comments.
    Just thought I would let everyone know I’m still here.

    • 120.1
      Janice says:

      Hi Martha,
      I am a widow in her 60’s as well. It’s nice to be able to communicate with you. I am hanging in there with my assignments. I don’t want to get behind because I hate playing catch up. I’m doing the Beth Moore, Esther, It’s Tough Being a Woman study too, so…

  21. 121
    Kelly S. says:

    1. Not surprised that men are more intrigued by a confident woman, (I just havn’t thought about these types of things in a long time). I wish I had this book 15 years ago 🙂 The fact that guys “are on to us” was surprising. Who knew they were paying that much attention? The cleavage bit was hilarious….and then the more I thought about it, sad but true. I’m raising two daughters and my prayer is to soak this up and pass it on.

    2. “When we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly wills, that, beloved, is the epitome of empowerment.” p244. I LOVE THAT! I have prayed many times for God to change my will in an area. We must decide to cooperate with HIM. A weak will could mean we’re not fully committed to be serious about what “God stronly wills”, and in turn forfeit some power available to us. I also loved this sentence, ” The power to stand at a crossroad and make a good, sound choice based on a solid sense of security is a gift from God straight to the souls of His image bearers”. Let it be LORD! It made me think of this verse, Psalm 119.73 You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands. (NLT)
    We were blessed to have Dr. Sam Cathey for revival this week. He was an avid bird hunter and told a wonderful story about his two bird dogs. One that just would not quit, and one that got tired and lay down. How I want to be one that won’t quit 🙂 (Heb. 10:35-36) Help me Lord, I have need of endurance!!

  22. 122
    Kelly S. says:

    oops
    30’s
    married
    Rogersville, TN

  23. 123
    Jan says:

    Powerful Beth! That is what chapters 12 and 13 were for me. I already knew men sized each other up maybe not the same way or extent we do and tha they also experienced insecurity. My that’s new to me was that men interpreted too much flesh and cleavage as womens insecurity. My dad had some problems in this area and always told me guys only want sex and skin. I realize how that set me up to have struggles in my relationships with men. Actually, it probably caused a serious lack of relationships. I was so much more and didn’t want to just be that to anyone.
    Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity? Oh I can write a book on this. A relative of mine was constantly put down, abused and told she could not live without her mate. She believed it. Her belief kept her in the abusive relationship. When I combine what is in this chapter and what I learned from the “Believing God” Bible Study, I can see how it is so imperative for us to see our selves through God’s and the way He desires us to be. That has been the most liberating and mind changing things I have been taught is some time. I had a dating reationship many years ago. He would call me up and ask me out. If I didn’t have money with me, I got reamed and put down. If I offered to help pay, I got reamed and put down. I remember feeling so setup. I was watching my weight and had just got down to my goal weight (again this was many years ago) and he came over to my house and brought me a doughnut. I remember he tried to force me to eat it. I had doughnut all over my face. Even though I was taught by example to have a weak will, I cut that relationship off right after that. Nothing good comes out of a weak will. There is no way to feel good about yourself. I quit dating at that point because I always thought that was the way I was going to feel with a man. I think until we stnd up and see us for who God created us to be, we may always tend to navigate towards men who are comfortable with that. Probably need to work on my learned thoughts here and feelings I have here.
    Thank you Beth for always shaing so honestly with us. I grow so much through your experiences.

    Jan
    50’s
    Single
    Kansas

  24. 124
    Barbara says:

    What happened to the comments from March 27th and 28th?

  25. 125
    Valerie Harned says:

    1a. “I already knew that”. I believe my husband knows my insecurity with my appearance by how many times I change my pants and complain/cry while I’m changing! Yet, he only tells me I’m beautiful during those emotional breakdowns which doesn’t have the confidence-building as if it were offered more frequently and un-solicited. I’m tracking with Kim-Trenton OH on the paradox of guys thinking cleavage is a sign of insecurity and yet they look. I commented in my book that I was under the impression that men (decent men) would rather NOT see clevage because it was too much of a temptation and yet I feel most women do it because they’ve bought into the culture’s lie that that’s what men want!

    1b. “That’s new to me”. Insecurities repel. I think I kinda knew that, but didn’t know the depth of it actually repelling. I certainly do not want to be that kind of person my husband has to live with. So that’s one I will need to be more aware of. And to think how exhausted he must be from my whining and complaining! Lord help me!

    2. I believe weak will robs us of victory. This was an encouraging chapter for me. On pg. 240…By CHOOSING to have a different reaction even prior to having a different emotion, we can effect an immediate sense of heightened security. I needed to hear that it was O.K. to have the emotion, just not letting that emotion choose for me, leaving me feeling defeated. I see now how I have allowed my insecurity to truly define me…In Christ I am so much stronger than I think I am!

    Thank you Beth!

    Valerie
    Louisville, KY
    40s, Married

  26. 126
    GAredeemedsheepgirl says:

    1. The 23 year old who stereotyped struck a familiar chord. My single 27 year old son (who loves the Lord) has said a similar thing in frustration about girls he has met who claim to be Christians but don’t live holy lives. (BTW he’s in Houston (mbr Houston 1st) and I’ve suggested he crash Beth’s Tues night Bible study; a great place to meet a godly young woman!) As far as something new from Chapt 12 I didn’t realize how our insecurity turns off men, actually repels them! Naively I thought that was our little secret from them. HA!

    2. Yes, our weak will flows right into insecurity a lot like any bad habit we can’t get rid of. But praise God He can give us the confidence to be strong in Him.

    Looking forward to the rest of the book….

    50’s
    Married
    Lawrenceville GA

  27. 127
    Janice says:

    Based on Chapter 12 I already know that I have an insecurity issue concerning clothes. I have to change clothes a number of times before leaving the house. I can’t seem to just put on clothes and go. I change because “the look” isn’t right. I’ve always just attributed it to having a sense of style. What’s wrong with that, I ask myself. But in all honesty, sometimes I am frustrated at the number of outfits lined up for me to chose from. The amount of time involved in the selection process can be 30 minutes or more. I wouldn’t like to think of it as wasted time, but sometimes I have to admit that it is just that, wasted time. I have actually prayed for God to help me chose, and He does. I did separate play clothes from work clothes, and that helped. Another time I put the tops and bottoms that went together, so I wouldn’t have to think about them. That worked for a while until I forgot and stopped doing it. Oh, the problems I face as a woman.

    The other part of this question was to name a “that’s new to me moment”.I was shocked to read “They (men) are on to us.” I don’t know why, but I thought men were clueless in their understanding of us. This meakes me feel as if the curtain has been snatched out from in front of me totally exposing the true me. I’ve permitted myself to be embarrassed in retrospect, since I’ve reached an age where I truthfully don’t care what the men think anymore.
    Based on Chapter 13

  28. 128
    Tricia says:

    1. “I already knew that moment” – Women are easily intimidated by physical beauty, character status,or whatever make them feel like the other woman has more going for her, and a barrier goes up.
    That’s new to me moment – I never realized that women talk incessantly when insecure. I do the opposite. I withdraw and don’t talk if I’m insecure.

    2. If I have a weak will it gives others permission to make me insecure. I wish I had read this chapter a few years ago. I allowed a person with a dominant personality to continually make me insecure. I didn’t realize that I had a choice in the matter. I wish I had known to say “You may be intimidating but who you are doesn’t get to dwarf who I am. My security is mine to keep. You cannot have it.” Now, I realize that this person was most likely insecure herself. I’m definitely going to rehearse in my mind what to say to myself next time insecurity starts to rise up within me.

    Tricia
    30’s
    Married
    Illinois

  29. 129
    Janice says:

    Am I on a roll or what. I forgot to answer the Chapter 13 question: How does a weak will play into our insecurity? Emotional predators use aggression to get their way and dominte the relationship. A weak willed individual folds to the demands of an emotional predator and allows open access to their security and dignity. The other thing is allowing our emotions to drag down our God given security. We must look to God for the strength so that we stop playing matchmaker with our insecurity.

  30. 130
    Tina says:

    1. I already knew that guys didn’t like insecure women. However, I had no idea that they are on to us in re: to checking each other out! Blew me away!

    2. It’s hard to be strong and not give into insecurity when we have a weak will. We must be strong willed in the LORD! Satan will use our weak will every time!

    tina
    H-town
    40’s married

  31. 131
    Heather says:

    Heather
    Euless, TX
    Divorced
    Early Thirties

    1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies. Chapter 12 is about a man’s perspective on women’s insecurities.

    Why should it even matter what a man thinks, the key here is that understanding how a man views women’s insecurities because our insecurities play a role in all of our relationships. Based on some of the guy’s viewpoints in the book, the one “I already knew that moment” was when most survey participants mentioned that women were insecure about their appearance. I can believe this one because sometimes I wonder how a man could think I’m beautiful when I’m hauling around what feels like a laundry basket in my stomach right now and I can barely walk. But they do. The one that was “new to me” was how repelled men were about women openly displaying their insecurity.

    2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
    Chapter 13 is the role that God has played in giving us FREE will and our ability to conquer our insecurities when they arise and not allow them to overpower us. This takes willpower and willpower, in my opinion is a general understanding of yourself. You will only use willpower of yourself if you believe it in yourself. A weak will, does not conquer insecurities.

  32. 132
    AmyJo says:

    AmyJo
    30s
    Married
    Wildwood, MO

    1) “I already knew that”: the more skin they show, the more insecure they are (but I hadn’t thought about it really – now it makes me feel sorry for women that feel the need to do that, rather than be annoyed by it)

    “That’s new to me”: how women “automatically and even unintentionally” size each other up and put up barriers. I have experienced this many times (on both sides of it) and had never put it together that insecurity was at play. I usually just wondered later, what did I say or do to get that reaction, when maybe I did nothing at all!

    2) If you have a weak will, you won’t be strong enough to choose to react and think differently when your insecurity is triggered.

    To paraphrase/personalize the key points on this topic (in my opinion):
    In order to break a habit, I have to will it first and feel it later. I don’t have to wait until I feel more secure to start acting more secure. I have to stop attaching insecurity to every other negative emotion I feel. I have the right to hold on to security in every situation and in every relationship. It’s the power of choice – and that choice comes from my strong will to make a change in my reaction to situations and people.

  33. 133
    Heather says:

    1. My “I already knew that moment” was how we don’t think we’re beautiful and how we compare ourselves to other women. My husband is always getting on to me for this. And my “that’s new to me” moment was the double standard of men eyeing women showing flesh while at the same time recognizing it for a weakness of insecurity. wow!

    2. A weak will causes us to play the victim and believe a lie and accept submission as oppression instead of allowing God to take that weakness and make us strong. I love the quote on page 244 : When we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly wills, that, beloved, is the epitome of empowerment. I love it!

    Heather
    Tallahassee, FL
    30’s
    married

  34. 134
    Denese says:

    Denese
    50
    married
    Lakewood, NJ

    1. Okay, I realize I am frequently not very in touch with my own feelings, but realizing that the guys can see us sizing each other “up one side and down the other”, makes me want to pay more attention to whether or not I am actually doing that. I want to be a cheerleader for my fellow siestas asking God to show me the beauty in each and declaring it boldly and excitedly to each lady knowing how desperately we all need to know this truth.
    It makes me so angry that we as humans seem to always assume the negative about things instead of the positive. (It reminds me of the teenage girls being coached who assumed the new coach was going to berate them.) Why do we grow up continuing to think that way??? We need to be supporting and encouraging one another instead of feeling like we are in some kind of competition! Aaaaaaccckkkkk!
    It was so wonderful to read that man’s comment on p. 237 “…It gets quite tiring for men who, as we get older, just love you for exactly the way you are. Can you not understand that? We are not lying if we tell you we love you, you are beautiful and appealing, and we enjoy being with you immensely.” He sounds like my own husband (I know, I’m incredibly blessed <3)but like so many of us women, sometimes I just think he's being nice, saying what he thinks I want to hear. Sad, isn't it???
    Something that helps me sometimes is thinking about how I feel about my own husband as he ages…he's so attractive to me, I love being with him, the things I worry about with my own appearance I don't ever think about when I look at him. We look at ourselves under microscopes! What's with that??? We don't leave the house unless we look just right…even to go to the grocery store…c'mon ladies, the truth is people are way too busy living their own lives to even care what we look like at the grocery store! We need to relax and just get a grip! I am growing in this area, by that I mean, learning to relax more…and I feel gooooooooood about it.
    p. 235 top-insecurities full-blown emotional episodes (whatever could he mean?)
    Was anyone able to read that line without busting out laughing? Love it!
    Beth, thank you so much for describing what enablement looks like! Yes, I am putting it into practice this week! For a couple of years I have been telling myself "Jesus had nothing to prove to anyone, neither do I have to feel like I have to prove something." I am so glad to be addressing this issue, it has had way too much influence in my life for far too long!!!
    And thank you for the encouragement to give our emotions a means of expression. I can tend to "stuff" feelings and I love how you went into so much detail describing the necessity to separate the feeling from insecurity. That really helps. By the grace of God, I am not handing over my security to anyone.
    "Strength and dignity are my clothing and my position is strong and secure." Proverbs 31:25 AMPLIFIED
    C'mon Siestas, we are doing it! We are moving forward in the realization of who we are in Christ and we are seeing some wonderful results! The King is enthralled with our beauty and we are becoming ever more enthralled with HIM, how can we not? And as we look to HIM our radiance increases!!! Wow! and Amen!

  35. 135
    Salina says:

    1. A- I would say it has to be women who dress scantily, do so because they are insecure. This is an area my husband has made comments on in the past, so I knew he felt this way.
    B- That men want us to be secure. I guess I just never put much thought into what men think about our security. It makes me wonder anew how my husband sees me.

    2. God gives us free will to act, but He also supplies us with the strength we need to be secure. We have to remind ourselves of this so we have the ability to change our weak will; otherwise the enemy will continue to creep in. I too loved the comment that changing the way we think, changes the way we act. Amen

    Salina – 30’s – Married – Kentucky

  36. 136
    WisGalinOkee says:

    Today is WEDNESDAY!! Yeah! I read Chapter 12 — what surprised me — or what I was reminded of is that men are repelled by our insecurities and I am OH SO seeing this in my husband and I am ‘tired’ of it — I want it GONE — he deserves it! He has been faithful and patient with me!! What was something that I already knew was the info on our we dress and how it relates to our insecurities as I always figured these women must think pretty highly of themselves to be wearing ‘that’. However, I should of known better, as I myself had my ‘mini-skirt and tight shirt phase’ and why – I was seeking attention as I did not feel loved. And still, to this day, when I way up and I am feeling defeated — I dress up!! I am a teacher and I am not showing cleavage or anything but I will put on my BEST Sunday outfit and heals as the ‘boy you look professional’ and ‘you look nice today’ are the words of affirmation that I need. Or I think I need — I am learning — and yesterday I was listening to a FFH song where he speaks about ‘getting over his need for affirmation’ — again, God’s Timing is so spectacular!!!!

    Chapter 13 — I have not read that yet — I will today!! After reading the comments I am excited to read it and I would probably agree with one lady that posted a direct comment/quote from the book:

    The only definitive and enduring motivation for a true transformation in our security will be God Himself, the Creator of heaven and Earth assigned us dignity and immeasurable value, and only when we finally accept those inalienable truths will we discover authentic security! Amen! I want that ——————————————–I NEED that!

    Michelle
    44
    married
    Okeechobee, Florida

  37. 137
    Cathy says:

    1. I didn’t realize that men are looking for wives and can’t find them because of so many insecurities. Men really want us to get over these insecurities. That’s encouraging!

    2. It was profound to me your statement – We can be _______ without also being insecure. When we get that trigger we have to use our will to “express our emotions” but not allow the incident to erode our God-given security. I was just tested in this yesterday. My son and I were driving home from a college visit and we were in conversation about our experience. I admit I wasn’t paying as much attention to the drivers around me as I should have. A car attempted to move from the left lane into our lane. I swerved, honked my horn and braced for impact. Thank God, we did not collide, but it was so close. I was so thankful for hours afterward, but last night fear began to sink in of what might have happened. Fear is definately a trigger for me. I am choosing to bring my fear before the LORD and let Him deal with it. I will not allow it to undermine my security as I live in thankfulness. This is something I will be practicing with lots of emotions.

    Cathy
    40’s
    Married
    Rhinebeck,NY

  38. 138
    Holly says:

    1. My “I already knew that moment” was how we dress. Coming from a “party school” you saw this frequently, so i totally understood.
    the New to me is more Like, Didn’t think they caught onto that. – any of it really… the need for affirmation, obsession w/ what people think. I guess to me the desire to keep it “Hidden” was working… NOT!

    2. The weak will has gotten me to a place where i almost didn’t recognize who I had become. After a confrontation, I allowed my insecurities to rise up against me and basically take over… this is NOT who I am!!! I am clinging to “being made new in the attitude of my mind” (eph 4:23). I loved the encouragement on Pg. 243 -“We don’t want these kinds of results on rare occasions. We WANT TO LIVE HERE!”
    I have handed over my security to one who had no right to even come close!!! Who they are doesn’t get to dwarf who I am, or who is IN ME!!! My security is mine to keep YOU CANT HAVE IT!!!
    Praise you LORD!!!

    Holly
    30’s Single
    Williamston, SC

  39. 139

    1. One “already knew that” moment – immodest dress is a sign of insecurity. One “that’s new to me” moment – one way insecurity manifests itself is through nagging.

    2. How does a weak will play into our insecurities? We will make poor choices which will lead to a downward spiral, making us feel even more humiliation and self-condemnation than we did in the first place.

    Cheryl
    married
    50s
    Kansas

  40. 140
    TNGirl says:

    1. New to me was less coverage equals insecurity. I always thought you’d have to be pretty secure with your body to show it off.

    Already knew that insecure women do not appeal to men.

    2. A weak will allows fear back into the picture. Then we fall into the trap of knowing what to do, but not doing it because of what we imagine might happen….

    Glory to God! Ann in Rockwall!

    Pam
    Dublin, VA
    30’s

  41. 141
    susan says:

    Susan
    Long Island, NY
    50’s
    Married

    1)What was new to me was the fact that incessant talking which I tend to do was related to insecurity. In my mind I was trying to communicate information or how I was feeling to someone. I truly did not associate talking and insecurity till now.

    2)We have the power to choose but when our will is weak we may not make the right (godly or in our best interest) decision. We tend not to pray about it or consult god when we are weak. When we are weak the devil can take m ore of a foothold on us and confuse us. If our thinking is biblical then we can avoid some problems and can work on gods strength.

  42. 142
    Michele says:

    Michele
    Liverpool, NY
    40
    single

    1. I’ve known that I talk a lot when I’m insecure, but looked at it in a new light here. Sometimes it feels like if I just keep explaining myself, I’ll eventually get the other person to understand or grant me their approval or whatever. But I clam up a lot too – it’s one extreme or the other.

    The one question I wondered – I am the opposite of an immodest dresser. I prefer layers and do not wear anything tight or low-cut. Anything more than sweatshirt and jeans is “dressing up” to me. I wonder if guys also see that as insecure?

    2. It makes absolute sense that a weak will is prone to insecurity and being influenced by others. I fully believe that knowing who you are in Christ is critical to a healthy self-worth. I have had a lot of trouble grasping my identity. Over the last few years, God has been teaching me how to recognize and refute the deep-rooted lies I had been fed since childhood. Because he is changing so much in me, I feel like I’m at the point where if the bad stuff isn’t valid, what is left? I know I am a child of God, but what does that mean in daily life – how would I describe myself?

    That post asking 10 things about yourself had me completely stumped for a bit. When I tried to start, all that came out (besides my love for my dog) were accomplishments. It took some effort to start thinking about things about me, who I am, what I like. And even then it made me cry. It was a helpful exercise though.

  43. 143
    Anita says:

    I have gotten a lot from reading this book. I am grateful to God for speaking to me from its pages and to Beth for writing it. I also want to add that I have had more than one “aha” moment while reading many of the posts. Little pieces of your hearts. I’m so grateful that as we share with each other we learn from each other. What will I do without all of you when the study is done. :0)

    The “I already knew that” moment was when I read what one of the men surveyed said about women who show too much skin are insecure and the more skin they show the more insecure they are. I have witnessed this in others and, Lord help me, when I was younger I fell prey to the same type of thinking. What was going on in me was…”look at the outside ’cause I’m pretty sure there’s not much on the inside to attract or to like.” I didn’t show a lot of skin but I focused way to much on my physical appearance.

    The “that’s new to me” moment was about talking too much. I’m not good at small talk so I thought it didn’t apply to me. But now I see now that when I’m feeling insecure I do “over-communicate” and “over-explain” myself. It’s going to be a relief to move away from that because no matter how much I communicate or explain I never do feel better…actually worse.

    A weak will affects our choosing. If we will do it, we have the God-given right to chose. All of living is choosing. It takes effort and will to stand, “resist the enemy” and repeat God’s truth about us in the face of the enemy’s lies, the results of wounds from our own history, or the circumstances we sometimes find ourselves facing. It takes God’s empowering grace and the setting of our own will to stand and fight and not give away our security or our dignity. The battle is God’s but I have a part. The sad thing is that I know this and still don’t practice it a lot of the time. This book has brought that into sharper focus for me.

  44. 144
    Ginnie says:

    1. “Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity.” – Already Knew that!
    “They show their insecurity by how they dress; the more skin they show, the more insecure they are.” – New to Me!

    2. A weak will allows Satan to accomplish his goal (destroy). Weak will allows Satan to continually come in and hit us where we lack confidence. Instead of believing the lies of Satan we need to exercise the power of Christ within us!

    Ginnie/Florida/Single/44

  45. 145
    Church Lady says:

    Jeanie
    Sparta, TN
    39
    Married
    1. I have always had close friendships with men so most of it was not a surprise to me. Men can be pretty candid about how they see women. Especially if they consider you a confidante. The one thing that surprised me is that my own husband didn’t know that a provocative woman is insecure, for the most part.
    2. My weak well has caused alot of my insecurities, if not most. It has been a major factor for me.

  46. 146
    Missy June says:

    I have mulled over CH: 13 all week and feel finally able to respond…

    1 – already knew most of this, especially that over-exposure is a dead give away to insecurity/needing attention from men. I’ve been there, done it. I’m surprised to learn that not one man admitted to liking some insecurity. My own experience is that some men, do. Yes, I think it reveals unhealthy thinking in them and perhaps such men are not responding.

    2 – Having a weak will is detrimental because it means my decisions are not considered final. Therefore, the battle may continue because there is room for my will to be swayed once again. It means more of my energy is lost to the battle, the struggle of decision or the convincing of another that what I have determined is what I will do. I may doubt myself, if my will is weak and that will lead to insecurity, to a questioning or ‘double’ mind.

    This is a tough chapter, but a needed one. Thank you.

  47. 147
    Cindy says:

    1. I already knew that men suffered insecurity as much as women. Was nice to see honest answeres to the question! I was surprised at the view they take on how a woman dresses. Makes me look at my closet with new eyes although showing skin has never been a problem, I just never realized that what I wore would make a statement to a man. A women, yes…a man, not so much.

    2. I see where I am my own worst enemy and know that I have to deal with all that I have supressed in order to move into a healthy area of on going security. The need to forgive myself is ringing loud and clear…not just the words but the mental and physical aspect of really letting go and letting God move all the way in. This has been so good, so hard, but so very good to read. Thank you!

    Cindy
    46
    Wyoming

  48. 148
    Kimberly says:

    Kimberly
    Pleasant View, TN
    32
    Married with children

    1) I already knew that insecure women ask a lot of questions fishing for comments of affirmation. I know this drives most men insane, especially since they feel that they will be wrong no matter how they answer the question. I did not know that men think the more skin (including cleavage) shown by a woman, the more insecure she is. I thought this was something they liked to see and would say this shows a woman is secure enough with her body to show it off, although it truly does most often have attention seeking motives.
    2) A weak will plays into our insecurity by making it even more difficult to stand your ground on tough choices. Although we do have free will and the power to choose for ourselves, a weak will makes it difficult to stand up to anyone who is wanting us to make a different choice than what we feel is right because we fear losing them or just conflict itself. A weak will can also just simply cause you to second guess yourself many times when trying to decide what is the right thing to do. Therefore, insecurity is reinforced when you go against what you feel is truly right because you feel guilty or controlled or that you were made a fool of by doing the wrong thing. I believe when you have true security, you will be able to have God help you stand your ground on the choices you know are right according to Him, and you won’t worry about what anyone but God thinks about that decision because your security lies in Him and only Him anyway.

  49. 149
    robin says:

    Robin
    Cleveland, Tn
    Married
    50’s

    1. I already knew that men know of our insecurities and are turned off by a open display of female insecurities. They want a mate who is secure with who they are, but they are willing to help us as we work to grow both mentally and spiritually.

    But what is new to me is that men feel that women show their insecurities by how we dress; the more skin we show the more insecure we are. I would have to feel very secure to wear what I have seen some wearing and to display the cleavage that I have seen displayed by women of all ages.

    2. We must choose how we react to the triggers of our insecurities. With a weak will we tend to let the triggers send us head first into our insecurities. We must choose instead to grab our faith and turn the triggers over to God. Then we will have the strength that we find in God to block Satans part in our insecurities and be the secure person in God that he wants us to be.

  50. 150
    Nicole says:

    1. My “I already knew that” moment; women seem most insecure in the area of appearance.
    My “that’s new to me” moments; was how obvious and repelling our insecurities are to men! The irony being that I personally have a hard time hiding anything.

    2. A weak will allows us to be tossed around on the torrent of our emotional reactions to things that challenge our security. Weak wills feed our insecurities making it difficult to make good decisions and consequently make us feel worse. I have been finding that I could recite the verses all I wanted but until I (became strong willed) actually confessed God’s way as truth and then believed IN in it I didn’t have consistent victory that spiralled upward.

    Nicole
    38
    Married
    MB, CANADA

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