OK. You guys were hilarious yesterday. Honestly, I had to write a number of your quirks down so I’d remember on particularly bizarre occasions that I’m not alone in my psychoses. I have a number of other quirks that I either forgot to share or felt best to keep in the family vault. In the words of the Psalmist David (my particular obsession right now), I could have gotten much more undignified than that.
I am still amused and mystified by one of the earliest ones from a Siesta that shared, “I don’t have a middle name – just an initial ‘M’.” With my wild imagination and hopeless romanticism, as a child I probably would have made up a story about my mother having named me after her own mother who was a famous movie star with a name starting with the letter “M,” who’d had to keep the pregnancy a secret and release her for adoption or else she would have broken her MGM contract but called for her on her very death bed, confessed the truth, professed her love, and gave her jewels…OR she might have named me after a secret agent (no, a double agent is better!) with a name beginning with “M” who she discovered after efforts of trained operatives failed when she accidentally intercepted a Sears catalog with a clandestine envelope tucked carefully into the bathrobe section when she knew she must book an immediate flight to Paris to perform a citizen’s arrest with a sharpened letter-opener only to throw her hand over her mouth in astonishment for there before her stood her mirror image, the twin sister she never knew she had but, alas, she was sworn to secrecy…
Uh hum. Sorry. I forgot you were there.
What are we doing here? Oh, yes! Week Seven of So Long Insecurity! Your discussions were so great last week! I’m hoping these next two chapters will also offer us a few good items to talk about. Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It’s what the guys on the survey had to say about women’s insecurities. Don’t wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It’s a little lengthier.)
1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
I am looking so forward to your answers! Let’s recommit to our journey together even if you’ve already read the whole book. Jump in here and discuss it with us and let’s see several hundred more comments this time. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!
You are a delight to serve. I may mess around with you but make no mistake. I take this role very seriously. May Christ Jesus, our One and Only Deliverer, reveal Himself afresh to you this week with resurrection power and relentless affection. He is so worthy. And, He, Beloved, is our security.
Sorry, Cant resist this….
Beth, when Are you going to write a novel for all of us?
Heidi
Awesome insight in Chapter 12.
I already knew that men are turned off deep down inside with insecure women and deep down inside want to share their lives with a secure woman they can respect.
It was new to me that a guy that sees a women showing cleavage or dressing immodest would immediately think that she is insecure. The thought didn't occur to me that they would think like this because in our society it seems that most of them consider that sexy. But I guess not all of them do huh? Encouraging!
Jariza
33
married
Alburtis, PA
I think you may be on to something with those stories Beth! Welcome to Tucson! I think we're going to have a beautiful couple of days for you! Off to read my book!!! Excited about tomorrow and Saturday! Enjoy us crazy desert rats!
Julie B,
You got it, Tucson!
HAHAHA MamaBeth you are funny!
I love you so much!
Hey, don't think we will forget about the Spiderman picture, we'll be expecting to see it soon…
🙂
I'm the "M" girl and your story was much more interesting than the truth, Beth . . . my mom (Marcia) and both grandmas (Muriel & Marjorie) have names that start with M. So, you were on the right track but with lots more exciting details. Then, years later I ended up with a mother-in-law whose name starts with M too, but (obviously!) they didn't know that would be the case when they named me . . . but God did!
I met you at the SMT Celebration in January and have been riding high on that wonderful trip since then. Thanks for being such a blessing!
Love,
Shana
I knew a person who had no middle name, but he joined the Army, and the Army says you have to have a middle name, so he picked Joe, which went on his official Army records, and went by his first name plus the middle name of Joe I guess for the rest of his life! A true story! I don't know if the military still has this rule; that was 40 years ago.
Really?? I never heard of such a thing….I learned something new today! I am smarter than I was five minutes ago 🙂
I have never shared anything on this post yet but this week I could hardly wait! I DID IT!!!!
My ex decided it was time for me to meet "the other woman" without telling me. During his regular Tuesday night pick up, she was with him. My first reaction was shock of course, then I started shaking! Immediately I said to myself, "You can not take it away from me!" I gathered enough strength to walk over, introduce myself and shake her hand. I even think my hands were steady even though I was shaking inside! After they left, I continued to reassure myself that my dignity was not there's to take! It took me about 5 minutes to calm down but it worked! When they came back, she did not get out of the car. I was able to handle the situation without acting stupid, held my head up high and kept my dignity!
Thank you Beth!
Ann
38
Single
Rockwall, TX
Ann, you and God together rock!
1.What I already knew was that men see 'cleavage' as insecurity but I wonder if they pursue those women because they know they are an easy catch?
What was new to me was, at the beginning of the Chapter you talk about women that are out to pursue and break a committed man. I know those women are out there but it made me think how we wives need to be on guard and not ignore any 'red flags' we may have or, especially, flags our husbands may have about other women. We should not take this lightly because Satan is out there roaming like a lion ready to devour marriages. Thank you Lord the Holy Spirit gives us 'red flags'!
2.We must have the will to pull ourselves out of our insecurities. It's by God's power we can do it but he has to have something to work with.
I always thought men saw cleavage as an “opportunity”, not an “insecurity.” That one blew me away! I have often heard women complain that some men have a tendency to talk to their chest and not them.
oops!
Pam
40s
Florida
Our "So Long Insecurity" group has been meeting every Thursday night to discuss the prior week's homework, so tonight we are talking about Chapters 10 & 11. Guess what my inspirational calendar says for today?
"It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent." HA! Omnipotent!!!! I loved it!! 🙂
Way to go Ann of TX!
Praise the Lord for Victories over Insecurity!
Beth, you absolutely crack me up! Thanks for making this so much fun as well as profound. I tell my daughters that doing Bible study with you reminds me "that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way"! I forgot to tell you in my 10 quirky things that I can quote every line from Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music and Top Gun. How's that for odd?I I don't just chase rabbit trails, I jump clean in the hole! Perhaps I'm in good company. OK, OK. Off to read.
Kathy B
oops. Forgot to tell you: there's a lady in Bible study with a 3yr old son named H. Yep, just H. Her explaination: there were several dear relatives they wanted to name him after and they only common denominator was they started with the letter H. I told her she's just cool enough to pull that off.
This has been brought to you by the letter H.
I am unfortunately not responding to the questions. I just bought my book yesterday and thought I'd check out the blog, sad to see that I was a few weeks late in joining, however am still reading and will follow behind all of you. I read 5 chapters already yesterday. a little nervous to proceed, stripping away my insecurities will reveal a person I may not know!! How intriguing though. I am sooo ready! I'm 35, a wife and mom of 4 amazing kids. Even though I feel God has shaped me through these experiences, there is so much more room for growth.
Chapter 12 did not hold any surprises for me. Chapter 13 was amazing…its our choice. Taking every thought captive applying God's truth, consistently. LOVE HIS WORD and how it is alive and changing me! Thanks for writing this book Beth. This healing from insecurity has been a standing desire/prayer for me for a long time. God has used many things, His Word, people and situations to heal me but it has never been complete…till now where I am understanding the how, and choosing to walk it out daily.
I have just started reading the book, but so far am learning a ton! Places where I have already been healed, and places my heart still needs it.I look forward to reading back over the blog to see the responses you all have shared.
Blessings
Andrea
I just want to say to Ann from TX Praise the Lord!!!! That was a HUGE test of your security in Christ and you did it and kept your dignity. Way to go girl!
First of all, I loved your hilarious version of why the Siesta had a middle name with the initial M. That was so very creative. You should write a mystery!
As to the questions:
1. I admit that I was shocked to know that men are on to us! I figured we were hiding it pretty good. Wow. I guess not! I was also surprised at what I haven't found in the book yet…what about when your man seems a little too friendly with some women? That sends me into insecurity orbit. Why do they have to give a full frontal hug to some women? Why do some flirt? It's not with all women, but I can tell when he likes one. Am I over sensitive? Is it just me? Men could do alot to help their women not be insecure.
2. I think a weak will is instrumental to our insecurity.
We've got to hold onto Jesus and pray in those situations adn fight it with the sword of truth.
married
40
1. I knew but I did not know THEY knew — page 233, cleavage — the exposing of it screams I am insecure, I am afraid all I have to offer you is physical. (to them too??!)
2. Weak wills say 'yes' when the heart really would like to say 'no' and the more we say 'yes' when we want to say 'no', the easier it is to say 'yes' and the harder to say 'no'.
Kathie
Satsuma, Alabama
58
I've been stuck at the prayer–but I AM going to get through, I just have to take the time to do it right. 🙂 I'm still hanging in here though!
Praise the LORD! Ann of Texas: Girl! I clapped my hands in praise to our LORD when I read what He has done in you and that YOU, Girlfriend, LET HIM DO IT!!
Thank you! You have blessed us with your COURAGE! (yesterday's Wednesdays with Beth)
Holy Hugs, Kathie
Writing from the blackberry, but just had to chime in and say I had a feeling that you would love that person's comment about their middle name;)
Catching up, writing in the p. Journal then off to so long insecurity land.
I think you may have a future in fiction! 🙂
1. I never thought about the fact that when we are doing the "sizing each other up" thing, we aren't putting anything past our men. They ARE onto us. And they don't like it. (And we really don't either. Do we?)
2. A weak will can end up looking like that cartoon, imaginary "devil" sitting on your shoulder. At least it does for me. I am held hostage (sometimes) to someone from my past whose voice rings in my head like this. It's critical, harsh, judgmental, and downright mean. And it really is all in my head. She made me feel insecure as a girl, and that voice makes me insecure as a grown woman, simply because I'm too weak willed in this area.
I need to say something to this "voice":
"You may have had an unhealthy control over me when I was young, but you don't get to have that control over me as an adult. I REFUSE TO HAND OVER MY SECURITY IN CHRIST TO YOU. He set me free from your grasp.He tells me something different than what you say. Now get lost."
Wow. Those words I just typed may not mean anything to you, but doggone it they were FREEING to me! I'm practically typing standing up! YES!!!!!
Thank you Beth! And your imagination kills me…..I'm laughing so hard. The only thing that comes to mind is the quote from Steel Magnolias…"you are too twisted for color tv!" (and I mean that SO lovingly! hee hee)
Becky
Owasso OK
40's
married
Ann from Rockwall, I am so stinkin' proud of you I can hardly stand it. I can't think of many set-ups for insecurity more powerful than the one you faced in Christ VICTORIOUSLY.
All in favor of Beth writing a MYSTERY NOVEL say "I"……or how about "M!"
; )
1. My "I already knew moment" was that women seem most insecure in the area of appearance. From my teen years to even my 30's I often changed outfits several times before attending certain events and activities, always self-critical of myself in the mirrow for various absurd reasons!
My "that's new to me moment" was when women are around other women they look for reasons to not get along rather than get along. That truth astounded me when I realized how often I do that myself.
2. A weak will plays into our security by enabling us to be doormats, victims of emotional predators, and stunts or hinders our spiritual growth as the enemy sneaks in our insecure relationships and devours every ounce of our self worth.
I loved this chapter, just yesterday I lost a friendship because I made the choice to not be insecure in her company when a topic arose. This chapter helped me determine I would put some boundaries up between us at the risk of losing her. I am fine with that and proved to me that that relationship was lasting only when I remained insecure–no thanks, bad friend!!
Eva
49
married(25 yrs.)
Knoxville, TN
I feel so bad that I haven't posted the last few weeks. The enemy has really been doing a number on me…I'm all of a sudden busy at work, distracted at home, can't sleep well, etc. …telling me that I'm not worthy to participate.
I have been keeping up with the reading and mediatating the questions, just haven't had the courage to post.
So, my book is not with me here at work, BUT I will spend some time tonight with my book in hand and will post further.
Thanks Beth for your ministry.
Valerie
Louisville, KY
40s, Married
Val, I responded to your post last weekend but my comment was deleted when they moved to WordPress, so I am going to repeat this. I too have struggled with this study, having a terrible time posting, then feeling stupid, then thinking maybe I would not participate afterall….then it hit me: Satan does not want me to do this study, and what better way to get me to stop than to make me feel unworthy? Sweet lady, keep pushing, there is so much to be gained from us hanging in here and finishing! I will look for your posts……
Candace
50’s
Married
Colorado
Im with Missknitsalot – write a story!!!! You are bananas Beth – and bananas is a great thing!
Peace out Siesta Mama –
Siesta OC <><
1A. From past experience, I already knew insecurities do not attract. I have made myself gag when I have had fits of insecurity. My insecurities certainly repelled my husband too.
1B. I am surprised by how perceptive men can be. I didn't think they realized women who dress provocatively were insecure.
2. In Christ, we have victory. We must choose to strengthen ourselves in him and choose to be more than what we have been. I believe the most important step in the process of becoming secure is the decision to not allow ourselves to spin out of control emotionally, but to deliberately stand on the Word. We must arm ourselves with the truth of scripture, strengthen our will and resolve to see the lies of insecurity for what they are, and allow God to make us into the women we always were meant to be.
It isn't an easy road, but it must be traveled to find freedom from living an insecure life. I praise God for all the work he has done for me and with me in my life and am beyond thankful that he is still at work and will continue to be until he takes me home! I have a long way to go but have come so far.
Tammy
45, Married
Lusby, MD
1. Chapter 12:
I already knew that men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity.
Had NOT realized that a "telltale sign that a woman is feeling insecure is incessant talking." I definitely do realize it now that I think about it, and it will definitely make me think twice next time I catch myself going on and on!
2. Chapter 13-A weak will keeps us from making good choices, even in the best of circumstances, much less under stress. I liked the statement you made, "In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later." It reminds me of what my long-time pastor, now pastor "emeritus" used to say: "If you do right, you'll eventually feel right."
I need to remind myself that I can choose not to let anything make me feel insecure!!
Kathy
48
married 28+ years
Mansfield, TX
way to go Ann from TX
Hi Beth-I wrote an answer to Week 6 a little after 3 pm yesterday and don't see it listed…..this is the second time I've missed seeing my comment…..am I doing something incorrectly when I send it???? My comment about your family pics made it through……YEECH-my insecurities are showing!
Not sure how to start except to say I am really wondering where this book is going. I am not reading ahead because I do not want knowledge of what is coming to affect how I answer questions now.
I originally bought the book just so I could take part in the blog study; just because it sounded like a fun thing to do. I have always known that I had some low self esteem issues, but I wasn't really looking for a solution to them, I am pretty used to having them and do not feel they incapacitate me.
I have really had my eyes opened to the suffering of others through reading their comments. I have also been made aware that I am acting in ways that show I have more insecurities than I thought (pride, control issues)and now I constantly catch myself realizing I am insecure at the moment, when I would not have recognized that before doing this study. I am not sure yet that this is a good thing. Ignorance was bliss.
On a positive note, I have enjoyed feeling "clothed with dignity and strength" from time to time.
The last few chapters seem more focused on men and their problems and perceptions instead of on helping me figure out what to do to eliminate my own insecurities, hence my question about where this study is going. I genuinely prayed the prayer, but I in no way feel I am rid of my insecurities, I just feel more acutely aware of them. As to today's questions, I never considered that men really even perceived us as insecure as a group. I was surprised to see they think clevage equals insecurity. I always figured the ladies that felt like they needed to show it were just flirts, or had bought into the mind set the media has given them – they think all normal people should appear "sexy", including talking, joking and singing about sex constantly. Movies, tv shows of every type and best selling novels have taught them that this is the norm,(along with constant put-down humor and bullying) so they think it is natural to dress and act this way.
As to the second question, I really can't answer because I am not sure I understand the question. I tried reading what other people answered, but I am still not clear on what is meant. Do you mean how does a man's weak will (addictions to pornography, etc) make us more insecure? Or do you mean how does my weak will (let the men in my life run over me, which, by the way, I do not think I do)make me more insecure? I guess I am just not getting it here. Sorry.
To end on a light note because I hate that all my answers sound like downers, I really am getting a laugh out of reading the top 10 lists from yesterday. Thanks for the fun day!!
married
50's
texas
This post really make me go back and reread the text of chapter 13. I too found difficulty connecting the dots between the past few chapters.
I found the reference to a weak will on pages 246 – 248.
Thanks for making me dive deeper.
I am new to this,will get the book this week.
Blessings
Beatriz
55
married
Maimi, FL
Ann from Rockwall, I hope you can hear all of Siestaville applauding you.
WOW Ann from TX! You GO girlie!! What an awesome testimony for all of us. Thanks for sharing with the group! God ROCKS and so do YOU!
Tina
H-town, TX
to anomymous whose comments are not appearing – I was having the same problem and here is what I discovered: during the time it took for you to type the comment, the word verification changed, so your comment never made it off your computer screen.
To verify this is happening and to correct the problem, when you click "publish" there should be a new message at the very top of the comment page stating your comment is now being reviewed, or something like that. (You may have had to click the "do you want to see insecure items" screen first if that pops up on your computer). If the message is not there, scroll down under your comment to the word verification and see if there is a red message under it telling you that you entered it wrong, and a new word is now there for you to enter. Just enter the new word and click "publish" again, and this time it should work.
Ann from Rockwall….
That is strength and dignity in action, girl!
Just as I thought. Read chapter 5and yes that's me and that's me also, oh and yes that describes me. Uuugghh. maybe there is more work here than I thought. Despite my history and less than desirable family life, I know I ended up doing better than I should have. Could have curled up a long time ago and called it quits, however my savior had such grand plans for me. Humbling and heartbreaking to even murmur that thought, but I am so grateful that he considers me worth saving and worth holding on to. I am here today only because of his gentle arms holding me in the pit of the worst and now it is time for me to shine for him. i have been saved for 13 years now, and bogged down with my amazing life, but now it is time for that next step in worshipping him with my life, cleaning up a little more, dealing with issues instead of busying myself away from them. thank you God for Beth's ability and boldness.
1. I already knew that men are turned off by insecure women. I did not realize that they are on to us or that incessant talking is an indicator of insecurity. I could be the poster child for that one!
Will post my answer to the 2nd question after I read chapter 13.
Praying for an awesome weekend in Tuscon!
Joan
Portage, MI
40's
Married
Katie
48…no 49! Today is my birthday!
1. I already knew that men did not like needy histerical women but I did not know that they saw clevage as insecurity. I am so proud of them for that!
2. It takes a strong will to go through what Ann, 38, single, Rockwall, TX went through with meeting her ex's new woman. Now that's what Beth is talking about! Nuff said.
Ann from Rockwall – I love it when the study and the Faith…meet the flesh and bones and reality of our lives. The walking it out is different and sometimes scary, but oh the victory.
I am so proud of you! you go girl!
1. great chapter. Nothing really jumped out as new new to me…
Yes, the twenty three year old was sterotyping but I don't think he isn't getting out enough, he's probably hanging around the wrong places. Years and years ago when I used to bartend, I could have found myself saying the same thing after watching all that went on night after night and listening to people's stories. ( and just to clarify, I am not accusing him of hanging around in bars…just an example..)
I do have to say that I was really taken with the man who said "a woman's insecurites could be drastically reduced if men would love like Jesus did."
Just so beautiful.
2. For me this has been such a profound thing for me to get through… A weak will. To finally stand firmly in faith, believing that I am who God says I am. Absolutely life changing and saving…
I know this question is for ch.13 but at the end of ch.12 on page 238you wrote…"The only definitive and enduring motivation for a true transformation in our security will be God Himself. The Creator of heaven and earth assigned us dignity and immeasurable value, and only when we finally accept those inalienable truths will we discover authentic security."
And yes, the truth shall set us free! Amen!
Chapter 13 in general was very powerful to me and helpful, especially toward the end.
Love and Blessings to all the Siestas. Praying for you all.
Michelle
Vermont
40's married
Jennifer
30's
Married
Mpls, MN
1) Already know that Guys don't like overly insecure women and it turns them off and I guess I never thought about our insecurities becoming like a second nature to us. It will make me take a step back and think about how I react to things.
2) If we are weak willed or have a weak will we are more easily fooled into the lies we have believed, but if we trust God and His love for us and carry his spirit in us then though His strength we can overcome the lies we believe about ourselves.
To Anonymous at 11:54 –
I just want to say that you're not alone. I'm thinking of you and am grateful for your honesty and willingness to "put it out there."
You are loved <3
Chapter 12 was interesting, but didn't really give me any new information, but that's fine, because chapter 13 was amazing.
It is so true that we often blame our behavior on our feelings, and it's such a cop out! I think feelings are important, but we give them way too much power. but like you said, we can't just suppress our insecure feelings when they crop up and hope they go away, we need to express them, just in a healthier way. I'm still working on what that means for me, and I imagine it'll take a while, since once kind of has to be in an insecure state to practice them.
I'm easily intimidated by doing new things, especially if there's anyone else around. I'm afraid i'll look like an idiot or fail, so I just don't try, and rob myself and others of so much joy. I'm going to start taking your advice about asking what a secure person would do/say, and try my best to follow through. Tall order, but I'm going to try my best.
I have seen what a weak will can do to a woman and those around her, and it's never pretty. It makes me angry for her to think of the hole she's allowing herself to be dug into just because she can't or won't stand up for herself. But it has to be the woman's decision to want out. I've tried in vain to convince someone to change her ways only to be handed a bunch of fearful excuses and told to mind my business. What to do??? Sigh.
I praise God every day for my husband. just by loving, encouraging, and gentle prodding he has pushed me beyond some of my insecurities to a place where I don't feel I need his approval for everything, and am becoming more independent emotionally. Thank God that it's never too late to change!!!
Sister Lynn
30s
Clyde, MO
1. Deep down I knew that men (or even other women) aren't attracted by our insecurities. There was a time once that I hope I can recover when I really did walk in freedom with Christ and people really were drawn to me. It is the best personality enhancer ever!
2. You really need a strong resolve to be free of insecurities because you have WILL yourself to place all that faith in Christ who is our security.
I wanted to respond to Anonymous at 11:54 wondering where this whole thing is going. I wanted to let you know to hang in there because just like our Lord is faithful to us, Beth is the same way. I have only been privledged to do 2 or 3 of her Bible Studies but each time I was completely amazed and floored at the places she brought me. Please hang tight – like you, I am not reading ahead. I am so excited to find out what she does.
Love you Beth!!
Rene
40's
Married
Claremore OK
I havent read ch. 13 yet & will be posting when I do.
Just wanted to inform you that I was on the phone with 2 hrs. for tech support so I could hear 30min. lesson on oneplace. Still can't hear it from any of my computers. Tech. support said there must be something wrong with the website. Tried to find number or email with no luck.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check it out. I'm missing the lessons soooooooo much. Thanks.
I had to jump in here real quick. I was just listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album "Beauty Will Rise", and the song entitled "Faithful" has the most amazing words. He says in the song, "I will DECLARE IT to my heart, You are faithful!" Another verse says "I am CHOOSING to believe, You're faithful." I've been stuck on those particular phrases today, and how much of an active participant I must be when my feelings don't go along with what I KNOW, or what I want to believe about God, myself or my circumstances.
1. “I already knew that”
I already knew that deep down “Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity.”
“That’s New to Me”
I did not realize how painfully obvious it is to men when we are comparing ourselves to other women and seeing who measures up the best.
2. By having a weak will, it opens the door for Satan to come in and hit me in the most hidden and vulnerable areas of my life. It also hinders me from closing the door on Satan’s face because with a weak will I don’t believe I have the power (with Jesus Christ of course!) to resist Satan.