I heard from some of my “Raleigh Girls”! I am so excited! I so hoped you guys knew I would keep my word to you and not forget that I promised to see the study through on the Psalms of Ascent, as God so led, then dedicate it to you. I want you to know that I have never gotten over my time with you. If a dozen Living Proof Live events stick out in my mind when I am old and gray (scratch gray), that will undoubtedly be one of them. I tend to expect to sense the power of the Holy Spirit most intensely in more intimate surrounding (like the one I’ll have in two weeks in Seattle. Pray to that glorious end!). God blew my mind in Raleigh. I could practically sense His Presence on top of our heads. I love Him so. All of you guys (not just my Raleigh girls) give me such joy and encouragement in Him. Let’s keep cheering one another on in our race. Oh, to see Christ’s beautiful face! Run like the wind for the Joy set before you!

Psalms of Ascent is finished! May God be praised! (See entry below.)

While I’m waiting on a scheduled call from my buddy, Louie Giglio, to do a post-Passion 07 podcast, I thought I’d drop you a line. Something very special happened today. Something my heart’s really tender about. It’s only happened to me 12 times in the last sixteen years so it’s a big feeling every time. To God’s stunning glory, I just finished writing a Bible study today. It’s a six-week study on the Psalms of Ascent (Psalms 120-134), the very specific things they meant to ancient Israelites and what they can mean to us. I cannot express how much I enjoyed the personal journey with God through all the research and writing. I have no idea how it will hit anyone else. I only know that I am marked.

God’s Word continues to be my joy and delight and I know that He alone has fueled that fire. I’m actually not sure exactly when the study will be released. I think maybe next Christmas because LifeWay is going to release the updated and completely retaped version of A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place first. (I think it comes out early this summer.) Whenever the study on the Psalms of Ascent is released, it will be dedicated to the women I call “the Raleigh Girls” who attended an event over a year ago in Raleigh, NC. That’s where I first spoke on the subject matter and God used their excitement and feedback to stir a passion in me to formulate it into a six-week series. The sessions were all taped in the early Fall with a studio audience in Nashville and, as of today, the homework is complete. I want to say something as many times as it takes to as many people as will listen: God’s grace is unfathomable. He has never chosen to redeem any life more covered in mud. As long as I live I will testify to His infinite mercies and to His Truth that sets the most hopeless captive free. He loves you so. You have not done too much or gone too far. Christ wooes you to a place of wholeness, one step at a time, and loves you with a heart that is one hundred per cent pure. He is like no one else you know.

Did somebody say “grandmother”? Yep, I believe one of you opened a door a few days back that none of you may be able to shut. I’d like to point out that we’ve now had the official LPM blob this long and I haven’t yet indulged. But I’m about to. Today our darling Jackson turned eleven months old. We are on the countdown to his first birthday party. Nothing could have prepared me for the ecstatic joy and familial commotion this little guy has brought into our lives…AND the toys he’s brought into our closets. Every time I put something away, a button accidentally gets pushed on a toy and a silly song plays. We have a full size crib up in a bedroom and the same heirloom high chair for Jackson that his mommy occupied at her grandparents’ house.

I knew I was going to be crazy about him. I just didn’t know he would move into my brain with the same force of Amanda and Melissa. I didn’t know I’d think about him as much as I think about them. I didn’t know I’d love him – yes, every single bit – as much as I have them. It is HUGE. And, no (not that you would ask but someone would), I don’t have to work him into my schedule and try to make time for him. He, like his mom and his Aunt Melissa, gets to play havoc with my schedule. (Case in point: the reason why I didn’t finish the Psalms of Ascent homework when I’d planned to is that I got to have Curt, Amanda, Jackson and Melissa for two weeks over the holidays and I wasn’t about to spend a moment of their time here writing. And God was glad.)

The morning they were leaving after we’d all been together for two weeks, I was trying to hide the tenderness in my heart at the thought of saying goodbye after getting a tad accustomed to seeing him every day. I so badly do not want to be obnoxious and emotionally manipulative with Amanda and Curt about their little guy. I want us all to have healthy relationships and appropriate boundaries and that means if I feel like crying over him, it needs to be after they leave and not before! A little while before we all went our separate directions, Amanda, Melissa, Jackson and I were in my bathroom where I was throwing on some mascara. Jackson crawled over to me, pulled up on my leg, and reached for me to pick him up. When (of course) I did, the little guy leaned forward, puckered his lips, and gave me a kiss right on the mouth! Totally without warning or solicitation! We didn’t even know he knew how to kiss like that. We all laughed and laughed. He and I had spent a lot of time together over those two weeks. I think he wanted to tell his granny that he loved her. Man, oh, man, does she love him, too.

Thanks to his sweet and generous parents, I get to see him every couple of weeks (and usually for a few days) and I talk to his mom about him at least twice a day. Curt and Amanda have invited both sets of Jackson’s grandparents to be intimate parts of his life. After all, it’s his heritage. Grandparents have been active parts of their grandchildren’s lives for generations on both sides of his family line. We are blessed beyond measure. Amanda keeps us up on every milestone and right now I get a report on something new almost every day. Jackson is learning so quickly that we can hardly keep up with him. While he was at my house over the holidays, he began squatting without holding onto anything and he’d look around at me to make sure I saw him. By the time Amanda got him home, he began free standing. Amanda told me that the first time he stood by himself for a whole minute, she was having a play-date with her buddies and their babies. He balanced himself on his plump little feet, looked around to make sure everyone was looking then clapped for himself. Before we know it, he’ll take a step. And his mommy will take a hundred. I’ve never had such a blast…and she’s never been so busy.

I love it when Grandma reads to me. She makes Goodnight Moon so exciting!

I’ve been very busy learning how to stand and play maracas.

I bury my face in my blanket when I’m exhausted from playing.

Me and Mommy

My bed head is new every morning.

Good word, young lady! Now, that dog’ll hunt! (Translation for those of you who don’t speak Texanese: that lesson will teach!) You spoke to your own mama. As Amanda knows, I have a strained relationship with an extended family member that I want so much to get right. I want to feel loving toward this person. I could offer you several reasons and countless excuses why I haven’t but none of them hold up before the command of Jesus to love even our enemies. I’ve been feeling discouraged about it because, like Amanda said, I believed the lie that it is too far gone. You might be intrigued to know this person doesn’t even realize that I war with my soul to feel the right things toward him/her. It doesn’t matter. God knows. And it’s not too late.

This week I uncovered a lie that Satan has been trying to feed me. The reason I want to share it is because I think it’s a common one that he uses on women. It’s simply that “You’re too far-gone.”

As you probably know by now, I had a baby last February. The Lord blessed me with the ability to lose the weight by last summer. I went to aerobics twice a week and did a lot of swinging, bouncing, and carrying my hefty little boy in my arms. I felt great. Then at the end of September my favorite step aerobics instructor left my gym and was replaced by someone else. I was really bummed and didn’t want to go anymore. On top of that, Jackson began sitting up and crawling around that time and he didn’t require as much swinging, bouncing, and carrying. I should also add that my husband and I are far from being healthy eaters. So by Christmas I had invited 5 pounds back into my life. It was not a welcome guest.

So I asked myself, “Do I fight for my figure or just accept that I’m going to be heavier now than before?” Well, I didn’t want to accept it, but I felt so bad about it that I almost couldn’t do anything. Except enjoy more french fries. I could sense the enemy trying to convince me that it was too late and I was too far-gone to get back in shape. Looking back now…are you kidding me? After 5 pounds? Yes, he was kidding me. And it was a cruel joke.

As soon as we got back home from our vacation, Curt and I bought some Lean Cuisine meals to resort to whenever we knew we weren’t going to cook. McDonald’s has always been our back up. We’ve only been home a week and I can already see a difference. (I know. We ate there a lot.) I went to my aerobics class twice this week and realized I didn’t mind the new instructor that much. And I am not too far gone! And I can still do it! And it actually makes me feel really good – mentally and physically – to exercise! The flaming arrows are not sinking in anymore.

Ladies, Satan is such a liar. If he’s telling you that you can’t do something, that you’re too far-gone, or that it’s too late for you, please call him out on it. If we decide to stay in whatever shape or situation he wants us to remain in, will he let us be happy there? Absolutely not! He will shame us mercilessly.

What are your “five pounds”? Whether they are an addiction, a bad relationship, or 50 unwanted pounds, know that God has made us strong, smart, wise women with gumption and we do not have to take “You’re too far-gone” from the father of lies. The Father of Victory and Power will equip us to get our lives back in order for His glory.

You guys are such a blast. Thanks for the fun shout-outs to that last entry. May Christ show up in a very unexpected and delightful way in your lives today. He is everything. YOU CAN TRUST HIM. Love you!

I’ve got to tell you guys something. God has done an amazing thing through this ridiculous blob. (please see story below) He is blessing me with CONNECTION! You have no idea how huge this is. My biggest battle with the growth of the ministry in the last five years has been the isolation it caused. Many of the events grew too large to even make eye contact with numbers of people in the audience and I certainly could no longer hang around afterwards and hug people’s necks like I used to. My prayer is that God is greatly glorified by more and more women seeking Him through His Word. I want His goals reached. Not mine. At the same time, I am a dyed-in-the-wool people person and the growth left a vacuum. My worst nightmare is to lose touch with real people with real lives and real stories and a VERY REAL GOD. They incite a Spirit-riot in me that I love and NEED. Many of the letters that come in our official correspondence here at the ministry are too long for me to get to handle and my precious, capable staff has to help me but I can handle these one-paragraph-long notes of yours. (Let’s try to keep them fairly concise so I can keep up! Please!) I can also respond generally instead of writing each one back. These entries only take me a few minutes so I can still tend to what God has called me to do. Meanwhile, this little form of interaction back and forth has come as the most amazing, unexpected gift. Amanda, I cannot thank you enough for giving me the courage to do this by promising you’d do it with me so I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. I am so filled with joy, I could dance. Thanks, partner.

You guys are so wonderful. I could not believe how sweetly you responded to my worries about Sunny. Even those of you who weren’t dog freaks! Now, that’s true sisterhood! No doubt due to your prayers (I actually didn’t have the guts to outright ask for them), that little dickens rallied a tad. (God probably responded most to the prayers of the sister who said she had never prayed for a dog before. You guys have no idea the kinds of things we’re asked to pray about at LPM. And we do, grinning ear to ear at times.) Sunny smiled so much yesterday and today that she nearly looked like a cartoon character. Then, when I threw on my walking shoes this morning, she danced around to show me she wanted to go. The vet won’t let us take her on our three mile walks anymore because of her arthritis so I took her on a pseudo-walk for only about five minutes. The weather was so beautiful in Houston today that I also stayed home to write from my back porch so you can imagine she was in dog-heaven. Beanie, our birddog, came home today with Keith after both of them had been at the hunting lease for a week. Our young girl always helps bring our old girl back to life. Honestly, Sisters, I wasn’t just overreacting. Sunny has been so lethargic and out of character that I thought I was going to find her lifeless every time I looked for her. I think maybe she’s back for a while. I’ll keep you posted (if you can handle it.) Thanks for humoring me with my dog loves.

And about the simulcast in February, I am so thrilled to hear from some of you who are going to participate! I do not take lightly the opportunity to serve you. Amanda helped me decide on Green Acres Baptist in Tyler, Texas for the location. We had a list of big cities the publisher had given us to choose from with all these familiar big-name churches (many of which I love dearly). Amanda and I scrolled down the list where we found some of the smaller locations, and she said, “How can we resist Tyler, Texas?” And I said, “We can’t.” Anyway, let me tell you something, Sisters. Towns like Tyler, Conroe, Eagle Lake, Wharton, and Victoria supported this ministry with invitations for all manner of luncheon and banquet for a mighty long time when nobody else could stand to hear such a thick accent. It’s only fitting that God would sustain a very soft spot in my heart for Texas towns and tug me back to my roots. This is where I started and I have little doubt this is where I’ll finish out. No matter where you call home, however, I am looking so forward to serving any of you at the simulcast. Travis Cottrell, our dear friend and co-laborer in the Gospel, will lead the music so you will undoubtedly be blessed by him. That’s enough for now! I am enjoying our blog relationship! (Which reminds me, one of our LPM staff members responded to something funny that happened the other day by saying, “Beth, you need to put that on our blob!” As serious as a heart attack. We died. Suffice it to say, this mode of communication is new to some of us.)