A few months ago I wrote a blog called “Keeping it Real and Reverence for God”.  There I admitted that even though I resonate with my generation’s passion for spiritual authenticity, I find myself uncomfortable with some of the crass and colloquial statements that we sometimes use to express our feelings of anger or confusion toward God.  It wasn’t just a coincidence that I had just finished reading Leviticus and gotten the feeling that perhaps many of us had forgotten the awe-inspiring nature of the God at whom we are hurling these comments. I made the following statement there that summarizes the tenor of my blog-post:

“The hard truth is that we are going to endure times that we feel God is absent or even that He is forsaking us in a certain situation but we should be careful how, when, and to whom we verbalize it. Perhaps, in smaller matters that mostly have to do with out distrust in God, we may need to repent of our unbelief.  In matters of great disaster that leave our heads completely spinning in devastation, perhaps we should first confess our anger and grief in our personal prayer lives or maybe even with an individual and very trusted accountability partner.  He obviously knows when we are angry with Him, so we should confess this to Him, plead with Him, and pour out our hearts to Him in truth, butmust we always publicly express our displeasure toward God?”  

I tried to make a distinction between comments we make to God privately in prayer or whatnot and what we say to God or about God in a public forum (for example, a blog or a sermon, etc).  And then I made a qualification that I hope you caught.  I said, “Perhaps you have better answers and solutions than I do.”  This was my attempt to warn you that I even though I felt fair enough warrant to say what I did, I also knew there was much more to the story. 

And there is. 

And I’ve been doing a lot of reading in that direction because I never want to get too stuck in my theological viewpoints that I miss out on allowing Scripture to knock down my tightly held interpretations.  I think sometimes we search Scripture in order to look for support on viewpoints we already maintain, when we really should expect Scripture more often than not to confront and destroy those viewpoints- after all, we are human and we’ve been wrong before, right?  So we can be wrong again.  I have on occasion seen people maintain viewpoints that are so obviously contrary to what Scripture says in effort to defend a position that they have held for many years.  To see this sort of behavior firsthand is astonishing.  It is also one of my greatest personal fears.  So I did more study because I felt there was more depth to this tension that we experience as Christians- this tension of fearing and showing reverence to God while at the same time maintaining confidence to approach Him and voice our despair and unbelief to Him.

In addition to looking through some of Jeremiah, the Psalms, Job, and Lamentations, I’ve read two things that have caught my attention lately: a book called “The God I Don’t Understand: Reflections on Tough Questions of Faith” by Christopher J.H. Wright and an article called “If God is Good and Sovereign, Why Lament?” by Nicholas Wolterstorff (published in Calvin Theological Journal 2001).  Both of these publications have me thinking a whole lot about the literature that reflects a voice of protest and lament in the Bible itself.

So, What is Lament?

To use Wolterstorff’s explanation “The lament, at its heart, is giving voice to the suffering that accompanies deep loss, whatever that loss may be.  Lament is not about suffering.  Lament is not concerning suffering.  Lament does not count the stages and try to identify the stage in which one finds oneself.  Lament is the language of suffering, the voicing of suffering.  Behind lament are tears over loss.  Lament goes beyond the tears to voice the suffering.  To voice suffering, one must name it- identify it.  Sometimes that is difficult, even impossible.  The memories are repressed so that the suffering is screened from view.  Or one is aware of it, in a way, but in naming it, identifying it for what it is, would be too painful, too embarrassing.  So one resists.  Then, one cannot lament.  One suffers without being able to lament.  Lament is an achievement.   Lament is more, though, than the voicing of suffering.  The mere voicing of one’s suffering is complaint, not lament.  Lament is a cry to God.  This presupposes, of course, that lament is the action of a believer” (42-43).

Wright also made a comment that hit me in between the eyes.  I hope you will read it all the way through:

“In the Bible, which we believe is God’s Word, such that we find in it is what God wished to be there, there is plenty of lament, protest, anger, and baffled questions.  The point we should notice (possibly to our surprise) is that it is all hurled at God, not by his enemies but by those who loved and trusted him most.  It seems, indeed, that it is precisely those who have the closest relationship with God who feel most at liberty to pour out their pain and protest to God- without fear or reproach.  Lament is not only allowed in the Bible; it is modeled for us in abundance.  God seems to want to give us many words with which to fill in our complaint forms as to write out thank-you notes.  Perhaps this is because whatever amount of lament the world causes us to express is a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehend” (50-51).

And then he says something even more striking:

“It surely cannot be accidental that in the divinely inspired book of Psalms there are more psalms of lament and anguish that of joy and thanksgiving.  These are words that God has actually given us.  God has allowed them a prominent place in his authorized songbook.  We need both forms of worship in abundance as we live in this wonderful, terrible world…I feel that the language of lament is seriously neglected in the church.  Many Christians seem to feel that somehow it can’t be right to complain to God in the context of corporate worship when we should all feel happy.  There is an implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have “faith” (as if the moaning psalmists didn’t).  So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside.  Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment, neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God.  So, in reaction to some appalling disaster or tragedy, rather than cry out our true feelings to God, we prefer other ways of responding to it.

It’s all part of God’s curse on the earth.  

It’s God’s judgment. 

It’s meant for a warning.

It’s ultimately for our own good.

God is sovereign so that must make it all OK in the end” (52).

And then comes the real clincher.  Wright says, “But our suffering friends in the Bible didn’t choose that way.  They simply cry out in pain and protest against God- precisely because they know God.  Their protest is born out of the jarring contrast between what they know and what they see” (53).

Wolterstorff gives two main parts to a lament: First, lament is a cry to God for deliverance:  “Deliver me, O God, from this suffering” (see Psalm 22:19-21a as an example).  Second, lament is a cry to God of “Why? “Why, O God is this happening?” (Psalm 22: 1-2 as an example) I don’t understand it…I cannot discern your hand in this darkness” (44).  It is crucial as believers in Christ that the “the cry occurs within the context of the yet of enduring faith and ongoing praise, for in raising Christ from the dead, we have God’s word and deed that he will be victorious in the struggle” (52). 

Now I’ve never uttered a lament in my life.  I’ve complained, don’t get me wrong but I’ve never composed or verbally expressed something of my own in the form of a biblical lament.  If I am to be honest, I must admit that my personality tends to want to err on the side of reverence for God and unwavering trust no matter the horror of the situation rather than choose the route of raw authenticity.  I don’t say this to boast, for I am obviously numbered among those “pious merchants of emotional denial” who lay pressure on people to stifle their real feelings that Wright so eloquently rebukes.  And I am openly grappling with Wright’s words.  I think he may be right about me.  Just like those who I think have stepped over a boundary and offended God in their attempt to be “authentic”, I think in my attempt to “reverence” God I may have been emotionally aloof and callous toward real human suffering.  In this I have ignored my own Savior’s haunting words, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”  Over the past few weeks of studying lament and protest in the biblical text, I’ve felt a humanness that I don’t always feel.  I haven’t felt as dismissive of suffering or brokenness.  I feel a little more in touch with reality.  So this is me being theologically vulnerable with you today.  And it ain’t easy.

Now back to our previous issue- the paradox.  The paradox is something like this- we have confidence to voice our despair and our confusion to God but at the same time we must remember to whom we speak.  Now in this blog post I am trying to come clean that I may have swung too far on the pendulum, but there is of course the polar opposite extreme.  There are a couple of passages that draw a line for us concerning our protests and laments to God that I think we must keep in mind.  Psalm 73 is a passage that often gets my attention.  The Psalmist Asaph compares the righteous and the wicked and he despairs that the wicked are carefree and prosperous.  Why do the faithful exert so much energy when there is no advantage for them over the wicked?  He then lets us in on something- he wouldn’t speak this out loud to others because he knows he would betray God’s children. He refrained from speaking disturbing words to the people of God because he knew they could cause serious and perhaps lasting damage.  This is profound.  In addition to Psalm 73, there is a fascinating passage in Jeremiah where Jeremiah says something absolutely SHOCKING:            

“You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me.  Avenge me on my persecutors…When your came, I ate them; They were my joy and my heart’s delight, For I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty…Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable?  Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?” (Jer. 15:15-17)

 Okay, so Jeremiah has just asked God why his pain is unending even though he has lived faithfully and in painful isolation for God’s very name, and then he says to the Lord, “Will you be to me like a spring that fails?”  This is bold, Jeremiah, very bold.  This is Scripture, mind you, and I am getting uncomfortable.  God then says:

“If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman” (Jer. 15:19).

Here God’s words to Jeremiah show that even though we have a voice with Him, there is a line that we can cross when we protest and lament.  Jeremiah may need to watch his mouth at this point.  The Lord has deemed Jeremiah’s words to be worthless, though of course He allows him the opportunity to repent.  There are boundaries to our protests.

The point of this blog was to take you through a theological journey I am going through- one of dealing with the paradox of the Christian life.  As Wolterstorff pointed out in his essay, there have been many in our theological tradition resistant to following the biblical writer’s example and fully partaking in lament (Augustine, Aquinas, and Calvin are just a few examples).  And they had their reasons.  Some of them are pretty good reasons.  For example, Calvin would have voiced his suffering but would not have cried out “Why?” since he believed he knew the answer to that question: suffering is sent from the hand of God for our good.  As Wolterstorff says, “We must choose, then, between the massive weights of our theological tradition, on the one hand, and following the psalmist and permitting ourselves to lament, on the other.  Should we choose against the tradition, that choice must not be quick, or glib…We must know what we are doing when we make the choice; we must realize the consequences” (50).  Wolterstorff who wrote in the wake of the early death of his own son chose to lament but he is careful to caution us to make our choice intelligently.

Be assured- these are theological questions and I know they’re tough.  These are questions concerning how we apply and interpret biblical texts, whether or not we feel that we have the freedom to speak in the same way the biblical authors spoke.  And if we believe we do have that freedom, then just how far is too far?  Where is the line?  So, faced with the paradox and the promise that some amount of pain is inevitably coming your direction- how will you respond?  Will you swing toward the direction of refusing to verbalize your deepest questions and uncertainties or will you lament like the Psalmist or like the prophet Jeremiah?  And beyond that, do you think lament should be used more commonly in corporate worship contexts?

As far as I am concerned these are very difficult questions without any simple answers, but this doesn’t keep me from asking you where you stand in the midst of all of this and what insight you may have. 

Praise the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph; the God of David, Solomon, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter, and Paul.  Praise the God who carries His people through a dark and broken world and grants us bright hope for an everlasting tomorrow.  The God who will one day light the beacons of heaven, sound the trumpets, and until that great day scatters glimpses of triumph for us through all the tragedy. 

Several months ago I came across a fascinating blog post.  The author briefly discussed a trend (back-in-the-day) among writers/authors to sum up their lives, or in other words to succinctly write their memoir, using only six words.   

Here are a few examples he cited or I came across:

“For Sale: baby shoes, never worn”

            -Ernest Hemingway

 “Bumpy road, kissed toad, recovery mode!”

            -anonymous blogger comment

 “My flame flickers but never fails”

            -anonymous blogger comment

Now I didn’t come up with this idea, but I thought this would be so fun and insightful to do on our blog.  I love learning more about our community and seeing firsthand how much creativity and diversity we have in our group.

So here are a few of mine as of right this moment:

            “Loving this life –Longing for next”

           “Never forget–> the heart is resilient”

           “Big Heart. Bigger Dreams. Biggest Mouth”

So, if you had to sum up your life in six words and six words only, how would you do it?

A Postscript:  I will have you know that I could sit around reading these all day.  I have learned so much about so many of you through just six words.  For instance, we have among our blog community several two-time cancer survivors, a missionary to Thailand, and a 27 year old mother of one who is now expecting triplets (apparently the natural way)! How cool is that?!?  I loved all of your comments but I wanted to post a few that stuck out to me as a summary:

“Goodbye is sometimes the hardest word spoken”

“My Life- More than Six Words”

“Former Pharisee Striving to be Humble”

“Silly heart wants to dream again”

“Traumatized caterpillar peeking out of cocoon”

“He Loves Me…wish I could”

“Life is messy pass the mop”

“Tried to run, nowhere to hide”

“Brother’s May wedding: Need affordable Liposuction” (Hilarious!)

“All for Him and Him for all”

“I’m a big sinner Bigger Savior”

“Redeemed: From divorce court to pulpit”

“From trash to treasure through Christ” 

 “Screwed up Life never the same”

 “Seeing the Sacred in Ordinary Life”

Thank you to everyone who participated! I loved reading all of them- the hilarious ones, the sarcastic ones, and even the incredibly sobering ones!   

So, did you watch the Academy Awards 2009 last night?

I almost missed it myself but thanks to a true friend of popular culture who thought to remind me, I caught the last several hours. Most award shows can’t sustain my attention but last night I thought the presentation was stunning.

I had several favorite moments but since it is Monday and we all have way too much to do, I’ll just give you two:

1) The dance tribute to the Musical for once again gaining momentum. The stage was full of fun performers like Beyonce’, Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Amanda Seyfried all celebrating the once much-loved genre making its way back into mainstream popularity. Oh and I feel like inserting here: I still don’t like Musicals. I’m just not sassy enough to appreciate Musicals but my personal deficiency at this point does not steal my joy for those who are.

2) The gathering of five female Hollywood hall of famers (Shirley MacLaine, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Halle Berry) to recognize the five female nominees for best actress in a leading role (the nominees were: Anne Hathaway, Angelina Jolie, Melissa Leo, Meryl Streep, and Kate Winslet). Shirley MacLaine’s speech to Anne Hathaway was so kind and gracious that I could barely make out that hideously mean yet brilliant character Ouiser from Steel Magnolias. And then I remembered why she was on the stage in the first place.

For those of you who didn’t watch, Kate Winslet won the much-coveted award for best performance by an actress in a leading role. One of the delightful things about watching the Academy Awards is that actors/actresses who often play it cool and composed can’t help but get expressive. Even though they’re all dolled up, they appear surprisingly taken off guard and even corny. I found the moments of cheesiness to be a little bit refreshing. For instance, the exquisite Kate Winslet was no longer a calm and sophisticated socialite restrained in a tight corset like she once was in Titanic, for she resembled a giggly little girl whose bursts of excitement hindered her words from keeping up with her heart. She even waved to her Daddy out in the crowd. I loved when she said:

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t made a version of this speech before, I think I was probably eight years old and staring into the bathroom mirror. And this (holding up her statuette) would’ve been a shampoo bottle. Well, it’s not a shampoo bottle now!”

Oh the glory of seeing the fruit of one’s hard work and determination actually realized. You can almost be emotionally moved by it.

I bash Hollywood quite a bit. I’m especially hard on the women. I wonder if it has anything to do with how beautiful they are…? But, I’ve gotta admit, those chics work hard! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that they are dang good at what they do, even if we personally wouldn’t morally approve of the movie they star in. Now, you’re thinking, “Do you have any idea how much they get paid, Melissa???” Point well taken. But still.

I’m taking their example of hard work and excellence as a challenge this week. Notice that I didn’t say I am taking their moral excellence as a challenge. Please don’t misunderstand me. But back to the point– Since I am paid to be a research assistant what this means for me is sitting down with my technical books, articles, and commentaries and reading them like Angelina Jolie would read her script. Now you might think that my job sounds fun and easy, but it isn’t all fun and games. There are days I read small print for eight hours straight. Did I mention I have bi-focals? That’s because I never wear them. Anyway, there are times during the day when I get bored and want to take a nap just like you probably do. I love my job and I find great satisfaction in it but it is still a job and sometimes it is very hard.

This week I don’t want to just do a good job; I want to do an excellent job. From the corporate woman, to the student, all the way to the stay-at-home Mom, we’ve all been given important and often daunting tasks. Let’s be excellent at what we do here on this earth. We may never single-handedly change the world and get to sport Oscar de la Renta evening wear all at the same time but we can be excellent in the various spheres of influence we’ve been given by the Lord.

And on a broad spiritual level, may we continue to persevere in our callings and prove ourselves to be good stewards of our time and resources so that one day we may taste sweet and ultimate victory. A life lived excellently as unto the Lord. No earthly acknowledgment, not even Shirley MacLaine’s toast to Anne Hathaway, could ever hold a candle to the Master’s words:

“Well done, good and faithful servant…Enter into the joy of your master.”

So this afternoon my Dad and I were having a semi-serious conversation, a father/daughter heart-to-heart of sorts in the kitchen, when my Mom busted in and grabbed a mysterious-looking package off of the counter. The following scene then played out:

Beth: “Well, I guess you two don’t know that I ordered a Slanket!”

Melissa & Dad: Silence.

Melissa: “Hold up. Wait a minute. You bought a Slanket? The ‘As Seen on TV’ Slanket?”

Beth: “Yes. You mock, but wait till you see what it does. You’re going to want one. Think how I can read with it.”

Melissa: “So, can you explain the scenario to me, the precise circumstances, in which you decided to buy the Slanket?”

Beth: “What do you mean?”

Melissa: “I mean, did you actually call the phone number listed on the lower right hand of the screen?”

Beth: “Yes, and they were so popular, they were sold out when I placed my order. Mine has been on back order for weeks. I’m so happy.”

Melissa: “Were you alone when you made this purchase?”

Beth: “Well, what do you think, Melissa? It’s Deer Season! Of course I was alone. I’ve been alone for months.”

And then everything made perfect sense. My dear friends and blog-family, the moral of this story is the importance of living in community. If you are ever tempted to buy a massive Polyester blanket with oversized sleeves, stop and look around. Ask yourself, “Would I do this if someone I love and respect were sharing this very couch with me?” Looks like my Dad and I have another serious conversation on the horizon. I can’t believe I moved to Georgia. I love this place. If it weren’t for one very fine looking hunk of a man in Atlanta, I might just stay forever. There’s no place like Home.

Update: Okay, so in response to several of your comments I finally figured out that Melanie (a.k.a. BigMama) recently posted a similar but far more hilarious account concerning her Sister, apparently she had fallen victim to a similar brand called Snuggies. I fear a cheesy conspiracy is forming against us, Melanie.

Mom in the one and only Slanket:

Oh and on a much more sane note, here is a new picture of Annabeth and me:

A VERY IMPORTANT PS. FROM BETH: I have you danged well know that Melissa just asked for the one, the only Slanket. Yep. That’s right. Put it on. She got a stomach bug during the night and has had the worst day. When she first began to feel better a few minutes ago, she asked for a little sip of Dr. Pepper…and the Slanket. I said in my most juvenile voice, “I’m telling!” So I am.

And, by the way, y’all won’t waste a prayer on us right now. Please ask our very gracious God to cap this bug and not let a single Jones or Moore catch it. Jackson was exposed, too, and we don’t want that virus anywhere near our newborn princess or her mommy! I also have an LPL this weekend. Thank you so much! We love you guys and pray for you, too!

         Hey Ladies, It’s Melissa! Have I mentioned how amazing you all were in giving so many tips for my budget? I will report more about this soon!  For now, I came across this lengthy quote by Theodore Roosevelt, the twenty-sixth American President, and for some reason it brought tears to my eyes.  There is a good chance you have already heard it or read it but I think it is worth reading multiple times.  It goes like this:

          “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without effort or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with these cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” (1910)

      In truth I know very little about the life of Theodore Roosevelt and actually am not even sure of the precise context of this quote but I think the gist of what he is saying is pretty clear.  And I think it has a general message that could apply to many situations.  Now, I realize I am a little boyish in the sense that I love battle imagery. If you’re an all pink lady, this quote may not be for you. For those of you who are still with me here, the reason I love this quote is because it reminds me a lot of the criticism that sometimes fills our pews.  You see, I spent a lot of my time in college and graduate school critiquing the methods of various bible teachers, pastors, and writers.  Criticism is the name of the game in most academic institutions and rightly so.  It is quite appropriate in those contexts.  The difficult thing about studying the Bible in an academic institution is that it invades your entire life…I mean you can’t even escape your field of study when you are sitting at church trying to get a breath of fresh air.  This makes for an interesting dilemma.  As I would sit through various sermons I would think to myself, “Oh no! Gasp, a topical sermon, but wait, I only approve of expository preaching.”…“Did he/she teach that text appropriately?” “Was that even in the right context?” “Well, he/she obviously has never read this passage”… “Is this worship song really fit to be sung in these hallowed corridors?” 

Now I am not saying that these are bad questions to be asking per se, but simply explaining my personal situation.  Well, interestingly, it was about that time that I got so fearful to even lead a small group Bible Study in fear that I would pronounce something wrong or spread heresy.  And God forbid, that someone would say I just wasn’t a very good teacher/leader. I had apparently sat with my arms crossed during one too many sermons.  You see, the more I sat under teachers, pastors, and worship leaders with the goal of sizing them up, the more fearful/timid I was becoming to even serve in a very small ministry capacity. 

The Lord has done a great work to change my heart over the years.  He has done it through His Word. Frankly, I think I was becoming a modern-day Pharisee.  The first time I became fearful of who I was going to become was when I was at a church in Grad school and immediately after the sermon a man (who apparently took great pride in having been to Seminary) rushed up to the Pastor and “proved” to him that he preached one of his points wrongly. The dude didn’t even thank the Pastor for his wonderful message. Nothing. Just criticized him for something so trivial and silly.  I was for sure “dumber”. Yet wiser. Because I saw a vision of whom I could become. I mean, easy for this dude to sit back and wait for the Pastor to slip while this faithful man had to get up and preach in front of thousands of people.  He had prepared all week for a man to immediately rush up to him with a pointed finger in the biblical text. Sounds like something you would hear Jesus condemning in the Gospels, doesn’t it?

I have come to realize what a miracle it is for the Lord to use us in spite of our weaknesses.  We are going to make mistakes and dangit, we may even teach a passage of Scripture a tiny tiny little bit out of context at some point. Not because we want to or because we are maliciously trying to lead people astray, but because we are simply human. I am all for being trained to study the Bible. It’s the biggest passion in my life, but the truth is, we still just see through a mirror dimly. We don’t see fully yet.  The truth is we may study and study and study, and then get something slightly wrong.  Or think about this- maybe we are teaching a Sunday school class and we got all the doctrine/theology down perfectly, but our delivery wasn’t smooth.  In fact, it sounded terrible.  Well, the glorious thing is that the Lord uses the truth we taught anyway.  And maybe we’ll improve the eloquence of our delivery the next time.  I love it.  I really do.  Our fears of not getting it all right should never keep us from serving faithfully.

I just want to give a shout out- a toast of sorts- to all of you women who will serve tomorrow morning in your various congregations in spite of your fear of not being perfect and polished.  You are putting yourself out there for the sake of the body of Christ- you may be bloody and bruised, but you’re in the ring, right?  Sorry about the sports metaphor, pink ladies…lucky for you- I am done ranting.

      CHEERS to “the doer, not the mere critic- the man who actually does the work, even if roughly and imperfectly, not the man who only talks or writes about how it ought to be done” (Roosevelt, 1891). For, “Criticism is necessary and useful; it is often indispensable; but it can never take the place of action, or be even a poor substitute for it.  The function of the mere critic is of very subordinate usefulness.  It is the doer of deeds who actually counts in the battle for life, and not the man who looks on and says how the fight ought to be fought, without himself sharing the stress and the danger.” (Roosevelt, 1894)