I just spent the past ten weeks immersed in a group of high school girls as we studied the book, So Long, Insecurity together. It was a really sweet (and slightly exhausting, in the best way possible) ten weeks. Among other issues, I bet you could take one guess into a major theme we discussed week in and week out. Dating. Are you shocked? If you are, you might need to get some young girls around you for an hour so you can hear it for yourself. The topic of boys is a popular one. It will get any girl talking. In fact, we spent one entire week hearing all about boys from one wiser, older man and the girls were on pins and needles the entire hour and a half.
To lead a small group and to get girls talking means being authentic and sharing your own struggles and hurts, so inevitably, the girls asked me every question in the book about dating and wanted to hear all about my love life.
Questions like, Are you dating anyone? and Are there any prospective guys in your life? swirled around. While part of me would have loved to have testified about the amazing man the Lord had provided for me, I answered with a simple, Nope!
Because we were all getting to know each other and because they assumed I lived a chick flick kind of love life, I went ahead and told them a bit of my story which included that I’d never “officially” dated anybody nor had I ever had a boyfriend. To be honest, they are always slack-jawed. At 14, you still believe you’ll meet the man of your dreams in college, have 2.5 children and live in a house with a white picket fence, so to meet someone with a different story is slightly shocking.
More often than not, I’m able to encourage the girls when they think their life has gone to shreds because they either don’t have a boyfriend, or they’ve just been broken up with. I never want to dismiss their feelings, but I also want them to know that life is so much more than the boy next door. Plus, the fact that I’m living, breathing and thriving in life gives them a peace that they too will be okay even if it stinks at that moment. And that in all circumstances, God is still good, not because of what He does, but because of who He is. If that’s not a testimony for teenage girls, I’m not sure what is.
One interesting question that arose was, Is your lack of relationship/no boyfriend due to choice or due to just never feeling like it was’time? (They assumed it was due to a choice.) In other words, had I rejected a lot?
Have I rejected a lot? I’ve rejected none.
Let me just say that if I stopped right there, and took a good look at my dating circumstances, I could get so depressed. What girl doesn’t want to be pursued? Asked on a date? Taken to a fancy restaurant? Hugged (or kissed, yes kissed) goodnight? It’s every girls dream to be swept away by her prince charming. Every. Single. Girl. Whether they admit it or not.
Let me also set the record straight that I’m not against dating whatsoever. I didn’t make some rule for myself when I was 10 that I wouldn’t date until I was 27. Nor did I make a rule that I wouldn’t date anybody except my husband. It’s just turned out that way. When people ask if I’ve ever been interested in anybody, I want to laugh. If you’ve been around me more than one hour, you probably know I’ve had multiple crushes at multiple times. I’m a girl. I like boys. Enough said.
However, the truth of the matter is, it just hasn’t happened for me. Am I depressed about that? Well, no. Yes, I’m sure the Lord’s holding a bottle of boy cried tears, and lonely tears here and there, but it doesn’t keep me down and out in the mornings. Do I know why it hasn’t happened? If I did, I could maybe tell you why the sky was blue, too.
What’s more clear to me now more than ever is that the Lord, for a reason only He knows, has guarded my heart and emotions from any romantic relationship. From my perspective, they’re just not interested in me. (That was really weird for me to type, but let me help you understand a little further why I say that.)
For instance, in the past year or so about three different people have tried to set me up with one of their single friends. Listen, I’m not against blind dates, nor am I against being set up. It’s been people that I trust and know and they know me, so why not? I’ve learned that sometimes your friends know more what you need than you do. Most times I knew information had been exchanged, as I would wait for that potentially awkward phone call and two times, the set-ups even landed me a date. But what came of it? Nothing.
If I said I wasn’t a little disappointed after that I’d be lying. Of course I was a tad upset, I’m human and I’m a girl. But it didn’t break me. The last thing I want to do is run some guy ragged myself just so he’ll ask me on a date. No ma’am.
Do you see the pattern? They’re just not interested.
I don’t tell you this to gain any sympathy or to even have a pity party. I’m so over pity parties. (Until my next one creeps up on me!) What I do want you to know is that those boys not pursuing me is not a reflection of me whatsoever. It’s not because I’m fat, or ugly, or don’t dress cute enough, or am not outgoing enough, or am not godly enough, or whatever reason we girls can come up with. I truly believe it is the Lord protecting my heart.
Although it could be easily labeled as rejection, it’s simply the Lord’s protection. At least that’s how I’ve seen it.
I don’t know why He’s chosen to protect my heart for so long. I do know that it’s His grace in my life. I do know He alone has spared me from many broken hearts. I do know that He is building in me something beautiful. I do know that He is sanctifying me through and through and molding me into the woman I am to be one day to my future husband. However future that may be. I do know that marriage is a legitimate desire of my heart that I believe He’s placed there and that He will be faithful.
I might not be able to testify to the girls about the amazing man the Lord had blessed me with, but I am able to testify about His faithfulness despite my circumstances. He is good.
I know that I have rejected not one date, nor has the Lord ever rejected my heart, my desires, or me. And He won’t reject yours, either.