Remember and Never Forget

At times like these, I wish so much I hadn’t already overused words like “amazed” or “awed” to describe what I’m feeling about God. Or “blown away” or “astonished” or “stunned.” For instance, I think I recall using a few of those very words about a red bird I saw in my yard yesterday. Not that God’s handiwork displayed on the delicate wings of a bird of such brilliant color that it has its own name (cardinal red) isn’t amazing. It’s just that I feel something on a slightly larger and more personal scale right now. I wish I’d reserved a few of the synonyms for “awed” for those rarer moments when I feel it to such full measure that my skin almost feels too tight for my soul. When I’m half tempted to do nothing but sit, stare out a window, and shake my head for hours on end. Times I want to say something like, “Who is this God who pursues us so personally?” Or in the psalmist’s words, “What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” I wouldn’t bother sharing this sense I have in my heart with you if I thought moments like these weren’t smattered on the canvases of all followers of Christ. But they are. You’ve had them, too. I’m hoping you’ll remember some of them today. And perhaps you’ve had these moment of inexpressible awe for the very same reason:

The flabbergasting (I’ve overused that word, too) timing of God.

Timing that illustrates to you once again that the God of the universe who called the heavens and earth into existence really does know you are alive and what you are presently experiencing…and even thinking.

You’ve had times like the one I’m currently experiencing. Times when God made sure you were studying a particular thing at the exact time when it spoke most profoundly into that stretch of your journey. For instance, think of a time when you didn’t get to go through a particular Bible study journey during the same set of weeks as your regular discipleship group and maybe you didn’t get around to it for several years…but, when you did, you realized that God had distinctly held it for you until then. I mean, how on earth does He know??


You and I know the answer to that question Biblically. God is omniscient. A meticulous planner is He. But psychologically, don’t we still find it shocking? I mean, how on earth does He have the energy to keep up with millions of His followers and exactly what we need and at exactly which time?


Yes, we know the answer to that question Biblically, too. But, humanly, aren’t we still sometimes taken aback by it?


While Melissa and I were studying James together, she got wrapped up in the Book of Deuteronomy (they have flagrant ties) and talked about it enough that I also got drawn in. Enough, in fact, that by early Fall I knew God was preparing me to teach portions of it in our Tuesday night series that would begin in late January. (She would also co-teach by writing coinciding articles for our Bible study group. It’s the one we are currently serving.)


In preparation for the January series, I decided to start reading the Book of Deuteronomy as part of my quiet time every morning starting in November (of 2011). I did not in any way have preconceived notions about the theme in the life of the Israelites matching up to a major move in my personal life. I chose it strictly because it would prepare me daily toward teaching parts of it several months later. Of course, I anticipated that God would speak to me through it because His Word is alive and active but I had no thought of the concept being perfectly timed for me personally.


As God would have it, the whole book was/is about moving to new ground. (To us this side of Christ’s ascension, this shift to a land of promise would serve powerfully as a metaphor for new ground in our fruit-bearing as obvious disciples of Jesus Christ but, for me, it happened at a time when the applications were multilayered and so much so that, to ignore it would have been a fool’s choice.) And here’s the part that left me slack-jawed. One of the most powerful messages in the Deuteronomy is the warning never to forget where you’ve been with Him, what He has done for you, and that He alone is your God and that to forget Him is total destruction to you. From Chapter 8 alone…


V.2   “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you.”

V.11 “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God.”

V.14  “lest, when you have eaten and are full and built good houses and live in them …then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery…”

V.18  “You shall remember the Lord your God.”

V.19  “And if you forget the Lord your God, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish.”


Let me tell you something, Sweet Thing. There is nothing quite like emptying out a house you’ve been thoroughly entrenched in for nearly thirty years to cause you to remember. Keith sat across from me a few days ago, leaned back in the chair, placed his large palms on his knees – almost as if to brace himself – and said as soberly as anything I’ve ever heard him utter, “I have relived 25 years of our lives as I have cleared out that attic.” It wasn’t the time for me to correct him on exactly how many years it had been. “Well, 27 to be exact” was not about to come out of my mouth. In fact, I hardly said anything at all. I just nodded my head and sat in silence for a few minutes with him. It was a sacred selah because I knew that some of the things he’d remembered had brought joy. And some of the things he’d remembered had brought pain. I knew because the same thing had happened to me. The next day we were in his truck together going to Dairy Queen for a chocolate malt when I brought it back up.


“Keith, don’t you think it is so incredibly odd that God made sure you were out of town while I (and the movers) packed the house up for our move then you did the whole attic by yourself because I was back at work? Do you think it could be any coincidence that God had each of us by ourselves to remember so much of our lives there?”


Same house. Same children. Many of the same exact occurrences. But two completely different people with distinct DNA who processed the same events very differently. Just as Amanda would have. Just as Melissa would have. Just as even Michael would have after his seven short years in our home. You and I share many corporate events with the people in our familial circles: births, deaths, disappointments, celebrations, routines, great surprises, sudden crises. But, if we’ll let Him, God tends to us all uniquely and intimately and means each of us to glean something distinct in the process. Maybe something altogether opposite from the person sitting right beside us at the time.


The kinds of things we unearthed in the move seemed strategically planted by God, set right there for us to find one at a time as if we were following closely to a dog-eared treasure map.

Several of them came to me in a box Keith found in the attic. I’d forgotten it existed.

 I took the lid off and saw this:

Very uncharacteristically, Keith had looked through the whole thing before giving it to me. Don’t think that won’t make a woman nervous. In it, he’d found the first card he ever gave me. We laughed until our sides split over how beautifully it depicted us. It was like we’d had a word of knowledge about what was coming. Our whole 33 year old marriage has been the steady recycling of this exact same card given back and forth to one another:

Inside the box was the very first prayer journal I suppose I ever owned. I think that I recall a revival pastor coming to my church at the time and telling us about these little notebooks and I purchased one. I smile as I try to estimate how many I’ve purchased since. I used one this very morning.

It’s so moving to find keepsakes that you actually dated and penned with your own (young!) hand. I would have sensed the call of God on my life and walked the aisle at my church to make it public one summer before.

I read many things in that first journal that made me smile and others that pooled the tears in my eyes. Others out right mystified me. To say that I was in denial over my past childhood abuse is a mind-boggling understatement but that’s another subject for another time.  Let me just say for now that I watched my own pen flat-out lie to me over and over again. I even thanked God for the relationship I had with someone who’d abused me. Nuts. That very malfunction would put me in counseling in my early thirties. I woke up alright. That subject aside, I want to show you a specific page out of the journal because it held significant tenderness for me.

See the very top entry? That was intercession for the young people I got to serve at my home church. I was sponsoring that very group at a church camp when I first sensed a vocational call. See that second entry? I did hurt that person. A very wonderful person who deserved far better. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I surely did. I was on a terrible rebound and couldn’t be trusted emotionally. See that third entry? It was about a possible internship at a church in the Houston area. (The town is Humble, Texas. Not the name of the church. I wonder now if I meant First Baptist Humble but I’m not sure. Back then, I might not have known the difference. Grin.) They didn’t hire me and, at the time, I almost talked myself into believing that I’d made up the whole calling. I find it interesting and pathetic how quickly we (I) tend to give up and think God has passed us (me) by. I’d have made a terrible Abraham.

Now, look back up at that last entry from the page in my first journal. I fell head-over-heels in love with a young man in college who I dated for the better part of two years. He never even pretended to feel the same way about me (not his fault, God’s will) and my beaten-up heart finally shattered into a thousand pieces as I accepted it as a lost cause and bowed out. Fast forward 35 years. What makes this discovery in the journal so tender is that I received a call several weeks ago from my college roommate telling me in tears that this young man – who was now in his mid-fifties – had died that very morning of a heart attack. No warning. No prior heart problem. I had not seen him in many years. I grieved immediately and deeply for his lovely wife who he adored and who would miss him terribly. Only God could have had the tenderness to let me see this page only a short time later and have a moment’s personal mourning and remembrance over someone I’d felt much for many years earlier. God did not owe me that. It was tender mercy. Who but Christ does something like that??

There were other treasures found elsewhere. Like this picture of Keith and me boarding a cruise liner the morning after we married. (Our honeymoon was our wedding gift from his parents. We wouldn’t have two extra nickles to rub together for many years.)

That was the man I was meant to marry. And we have continued to ride many waves. It was deeply significant to me that God not only planned for me to find treasures from my spiritual journey. He also had similar intentions for Keith. I had never seen these certificates and Keith had no memory of them being placed in his possession by his parents. 



We found a whole bag of cassette-taped messages from Buddy Walters, the mentor that God used to strike a flaming desire in my heart to study Scripture. He was my first Bible doctrine teacher. These messages were preached years later at the church in North Carolina where he served as associate pastor.

Curtis converted them into CD’s for me last week. I’ve been listening to them and hearing the echo of that strong voice of authority and affection for the Lord Jesus Christ that took my breath away in my mid-twenties. Buddy died in his mid-forties and has been with the Lord for many years now but his ministry is poured into every message we have at Living Proof. God’s ways are so strange and beautiful. God knew that I could not fully “remember” my journey with Him without remembering the sound of this mouthpiece. My deepest love affair with Jesus through His Word began under that man’s teaching.

You can quite imagine that we unearthed artifact after artifact from our children’s lives. Stuffed animals. Artwork. Report cards. Clothes. You name it. I hadn’t seen this picture in so long. We were at Keith’s baby sister’s wedding. Oh, mercy, I love these two little girls so much. In this mother’s heart, they are about this same age.

I shared with you in a post soon after we moved (Dec. 2011) that I’d declared to Keith that I’d never leave that house. I also told you that one (irrational, unexplainable) reason was the fear that our time with Michael (who lived with us for seven years) would seem less real, further removed, and the door permanently closed. It was real alright. In this move, we’ve discovered him all over our house. Stacks and stacks of pictures, albums, artwork, report cards, etc, etc, etc. I found this letter that we received some months after he left.

Spud was our nickname for him. I also found this particular school picture. It was the year he departed our home. Wasn’t he beautiful?

As it turned out, the move did not distance us further nor close the door permanently. I have seen him as recently as two weeks ago and get to stay in regular communication with him. God is so gracious. Michael looks fairly different now but he is still so darling. He is a tattoo artist and has practiced a good deal on himself. I am smiling. I love him. And I am so, so proud of him. 

The 8th chapter of the Book of Deuteronomy says to remember “the whole way” (V.2) the Lord has led you. The “terrible” (NASB) and “terrifying” (ESV) wilderness (V.15) and the miracles of manna and water from the flinty rock. (Vv.15-16) Translation? Remember the awful times. Remember the awesome times. I not only dug up sweet memories. I’ve stumbled upon some terrifying ones. Some that I wish to heaven I could have forgotten. Some that make my skin crawl. I found journal entries from a time of such utter darkness in my life that only God could have brought me through in one piece. Reading my pleas from that time stirred up such strong emotions that I could have thrown up. I kept having to remind myself to keep my memories in the light of God and not let them descend into the darkness of the enemy. When I remember them before God who delivered me, I am helped. When I remember them before the enemy who full-well meant to destroy me, I am haunted. Oh, the grace and mercy God has had upon my life. He is the only good in me. I’m sure Keith found reminders of some dark days of his own. And those are between God and him. I’ll leave you with one last picture. Keith sent me this one from his phone two days ago to let me know that the house was completely empty. Don’t think it wasn’t significant to me.


Oh, yes, Lord. I definitely remember the heaps of trash. Thank You for assuring us that, through Your mercy, all of it – EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT – has been thrown into the depths of the sea, swallowed up in a fountain of blood.YOU ALONE are our God. YOU ALONE delivered Keith and I from such miry clay. YOU ALONE have kept my family in tact. YOU ALONE have spared us so much shame and lifelong defeat. You alone persistently dogged us with Your Holy Spirit and Your Word until we could no longer cover our ears. You alone saw people worth fixing in our brokenness. And You still do. I never want to forget, Lord. Never. 

“Take care lest you forget the Lord your God…who brought you out of the house of slavery.”

Deuteronomy 8:16 says something so riveting that I can hardly read it without having a visceral reaction. It says that God TESTS us and HUMBLES us “to do you good in the end.”

In the end. Seems like we’ve heard that somewhere before. Somewhere this side of the Cross.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV




374 Responses to “Remember and Never Forget”

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  1. 151
    Elisabeth says:

    This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you. We were both moving the exact same week!
    In my move I found the journal of notes from my very first conference five summers ago. In the margin I had scribbled a note that there was something so different about the loud big-haired lady up front. I wrote that I think she might actually be IN LOVE with Jesus & that I want to be healed and radiant like her. This last summer you spoke with me at a LPL. All you said was that you kept landing on my face when you were speaking. That you could tell I was IN LOVE with Jesus and that I radiate. Talk about every detail being Jesus! Talk about full circle! I’m now knee-deep in ministry myself and the message of MY “Buddy” (you!) is all over what I do. Doesn’t get any cooler!

  2. 152
    Joyce Watson says:

    Just tell me this not my hormones kicking in, I am sitting here crying and praising God at the same time.
    The thoughts and words, the memories and how awesome God is__ all touches the very depths of my heart.
    You are so precious, Beth. I love your heart for God and for your family. The pictures of the girls is precious. Those books you wrote in, I can relate so well. I like writing too__I think that is what kept me sane when I was younger.
    Cassettes, yes I have alot them too with James Robinson on them and other preachers. Michael is so cute! Your honeymoon picture was so sweet and you are so beautiful. You know, Corrie Ten Boon said, “I don’t want to hold on too tightly with things or God will have to pry them out of my hand one day and that will hurt.” When I saw all that trash, that is what came to mind.

    This week has been a big change for me, when a lady called and ask me to speak at a Women’s conference. God open the door and I pray He will use me for His honor and glory. This will be the first time I have ever to speak to a group of women. I cannot believe this is happening. I am excited and scared to death at the same time.
    God is awesome. He is everything. God bless you.
    Love you in Christ …and Beth, be sure you come to Oklahoma_I heard there is nothing impossible with God!

  3. 153
    Kate Hawk says:

    Siesta Mama,

    The words of this post, from your heart, from my Father’s heart, spoke so clearly…so “on time”…

    so needed…

    Love You Mama Beth!


  4. 154
    Natalie says:

    Dearest Beth,
    I have spent the past week going through 30 years worth of financial files that my husband had dumped into boxes year after year. I found plenty of trash, but also some treasure. I found a note to me in a sealed envelope but had never received. It was a lovely thank you notr he wrote me after I had completed a huge volunteer job at my kids high school, God knew in his perfect timing that I would need that note to encourage me years later when drowning in a mess of papers and boxes. As the week wore on, I found my attitude sliding into despair and depression over actions we made years ago. I saw money wasted, hidden loans to cover an inability to say no, just some plain bad decisions too. I clearly see now, when reading your post, that the enemy was using our past mistakes to haunt me. Thank you for reminding me to instead REMEMBER where God has brought us. That He has provided and cared for us thru our journey thru the wilderness. he is faithful and He works all things for good for those who love Him. And oh how I love Him! Hi IS near! Oh, how he loves me with a “tethered” love. Like a kite on a string sometimes He just delights in letting me fly. Sometimes that tether is like a lifeline to a drowning woman and I’m holding on with all I have. Sometimes it’s like a light leash held has I walk happily beside my loving Master. Sometimes in my rebellious nature, I am more like the athlete in a training gym who runs as hard as possible while connected to a bungee that is anchored to a wall for strength training. and yet, He stays connected never faltering in His abundant love for me. THIS I will try to focus on has I jump back into sorting through our lives in stacks of old bank statements and cellphone bills.
    May Jesus bless you today!

  5. 155
    Jill says:

    When I was reading this, I kept thinking about how many Jewish households have a Mezuzah on their doorpost. Upon entering the home, one touches the Mezuzah to remember the scriptures from Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and 11:13-21.

    “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one…

    This is probably my favorite Beth post ever. Beth you make me laugh. ” I’d have made a terrible Abraham.” oh snort and cough with laughter. You made me cry. You made me think. And I think I will be reading Deuteronomy this weekend.

  6. 156
    Kathy B says:

    I’m nearly breathless at the depth and wealth of precious family jewels you shared with us. Often that comes at a price. There’s an inherent risk involved in letting folks peek into our private arenas. And yet you continue to trust and value us here again and again. I’m so honored.

    That’s the first time I’ve actually seen a picture of the darling boy/man I’ve prayed for over many years. Thank you, sweet Beth for sharing that. He truly is beautiful.

    A song my Wayne Watson comes flowing into my heart in moments like these. May I share?
    “Sometimes I think about you.
    Some old memories make me smile.
    Remembering the good times makes me laugh, yah.
    But all in all I’m richer for the happy and the sad,
    and thankful for a season in your path.”

    Yes, let’s remember and never forget.

  7. 157
    Kim says:

    Thank you Beth for sharing and being so open and honest. So grateful for your ministry.

  8. 158
    Amy says:

    Wow! (Jackson style-like you showed us at the SSMTC) I don’t know how He’ll help me remember so that I’ll never forget but I know it will be worth it in the end. Thank you, Siesta Mama, for showing us, so vividly, a glimpse of your journey with Him. May He strike our souls so deeply we’re never the same. May He stir in us a longing desire to know Him deeply and passionately!

  9. 159
    Margie by the Sea says:

    Thank you, Beth. I’m drawn to Deuteronomy 8 and the admonition to us all to REMEMBER. God is so faithful and has been with all of us in the worst of times. delivering us and showing us the “why’s” of it all. So many times he’s rescued us, guided us, lifted us up and protected us, so “why” is remembering this every minute of every day so difficult to achieve? I often have to remind myself of His great faithfulness; thank you for reminding us again.
    As you take this sentimental journey, I pray that you rejoice in all of the many facets of it. What a wonderful gift He is giving you by your being able to see His hand in everything.

  10. 160
    CandiMcD says:


    Thank you for sharing this with us and for taking the time to show us pictures!!

    I needed this reminder today. I recently was given your Stepping Up study by my sweet friend, who apologized for not getting it to me sooner. She bought it a year ago for me. But I sent her a text to assure her that THIS was the season God intended for me to have it. As I struggle with learning to be a godly wife and step mom (coming up on 6 years this July), I needed to remember where to look and keep my focus. I have struggled with the pain of fibromyalgia and the pain of my own barrenness and our God is reminding me ‘look to me, Candi. I AM your help’. Thank you sweet Siesta Mamma!!

    Love you!

  11. 161
    Sue Speir says:

    This was so beautiful! I read it slowly, carefully and with much reverence savoring every word and picture! I love you so much for being so honest and real and transparent. I really felt like I was in your home sitting with you and we were looking through the box together. I love you as a Bible teacher, but I love you as a friend as well – even if we never meet until Heaven.
    I love remembering the many good times, but we do need to remember the bad and thank God again for getting us through those times.
    I especially loved how God gave you and Keith your own time alone in the house to reflect on all the years. How personal and precious is our Father!

  12. 162
    Crystal says:

    Oh Beth, my heart is to full right now to say all that is going in it after reading this post.

    I’ll just say this. I thank God for you. I don’t think you’ll ever know just how much your transparency means to us until you get to Heaven. You are a gifted and amazing story teller. This one about did me in:-).

    Love you lots!


  13. 163
    Kristen says:

    Thank you for starting my day with a time of reflection. Loved it, Beth.

  14. 164
    Laura S says:

    You precious woman of God! Thank you for this beautiful entry.

    During the bible study “Breaking Free” I had been one year sober and my eyes were way opened to the abusive marriage I was in. I had 3 babies though and knew that God didn’t deliver me from alcohol to not try on this marriage~funny thing abuse is, I always thought it was my fault and if I just worked a little harder it would stop. WELL, I was two weeks behind in my bible study with my group and had the chance to be alone in a hotel room at Epcot and I was working on Psalm 107 “Some sat in darkness in the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains…” I read it out loud with tears streaming down my face thinking of how I’d been set free from chemicals. Then I thought I should read it again and it hit me like a ton of bricks “Oh Lord it’s for my marriage isn’t it?” and I shut my bible to pray and give Him thanks and when I closed my eyes I heard Him say, “Are you ready?” And out loud in that hotel room I said “Yes” then opened my eyes and said, “For what?”
    2 days later, I received an anonymous letter in the mail from a friend of mine who had received it first, on the outside of it she had written “This has been sitting on my desk for 2 weeks, don’t know why I’ve held onto it.” After reading about my abusive husband’s extra curricular activities in the letter, I knew why it had waited ~ Because I hadn’t done my Psalm 107 homework where it says, “He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.”

    Because I do not forget it was my God delivering me from a time of abuse and self sabotage, I have honored Him in every way through not killing my husband, through the divorce, child custody etc. It looks weird to the world when you don’t forget what God has done, do it anyway. To Him be the Glory!

  15. 165
    Jabber Jaws says:

    This is a story I very rarely share but your post made me clearly remember it. 5 years ago while pregnant, I went through a very painful and unexpected divorce. One of the hardest personal moments was taking off my wedding ring. I cried and talked to God (and only God – I was too prideful to tell another person) about it in a near running monologue – I felt unwanted, unloved, not chosen, removed, etc. I used some WORDS. Finally, I just told myself enough and that I would not think about it AGAIN. IT is what it is. The end.
    Well, God wasn’t done – I believed the silence was a way to allow me to get it out and move on but I never thought it would go past that. He had a different plan.
    My family attended a school auction and my mom bought “her girls” each an entry into a Tiffany box game. 500 boxes were sold – 499 had a fake bracelet and 1 was real. Of course, when it was time to open, I was in the ladies restroom. So, I walked back into the ballroom and heard from the podium – please open your box. We are waiting for you to open your box. Sure enough, I “won” a beautiful dainty platinum and diamond bracelet. Marked, chosed, wanted, loved, seen and not forgotten.
    That precious bracelet never comes off my arm. In fact, I tend to run my fingers over it in rememberance. The Lord and I have an understanding – the bracelet is my undeserved remeberance and it will stay with me until the day that one of my girls needs to remember and then I will pass it down.
    He is Who is His. So much better that it is what it is.

  16. 166
    Crystal says:

    OK, it’s me again. Beth, I didn’t fully realzie the impact of your post until I had to get up from my desk and go to the bathroom because the tears were falling faster than I could wipe them. I told the Lord, thank you for Beth and I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t know her. I had to laugh. I thought, you dork, you don’t know her. But, I feel like I do through the pages of your books, the many bible studies I have done and from the seven times I have seen you in person. You just don’t know me. I love you more than I can express.

    Thank you my sister and friend (smile).

  17. 167
    Sally says:

    Dearest Beth,
    thank God for memories, both bitter and sweet, they help to make us what we are. My husband and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary in 12 days and the memories are just flooding right now. We were way too young (15 & 17) didn’t know the Lord or ANYTHING else, and He kept us together, brought us to our knees, but that’s what brought us to Him, how I thank Him for all these years, how did He know 2 teenagers could end up here with Him, resting on His faithfulness, seeing us through and leading us on to hope for tomorrow. God is so so good and I can only give Him praise for our life together. You are the best and I love your openness,it brings out the best in us as well. May God see you and Keith to your 50th as well, it’s amazing!
    with love and prayers,

  18. 168

    Remembering….it is so important to remember the goodness of God in our lives. To remember all the times that He has intervened and rescued us and answered our prayers. As I begin my journey of healing with breast cancer, God reminded me of so many times that he has answered the prayers of my heart. He lifts my spirits and takes away my fears.

  19. 169
    Kathy says:

    Dearest Beth,
    PLEASE put a warning at the top to NOT read these kind of posts if you are not in a place that will let you curl up on the floor sobbing!

    Such tender thoughts, and I am struggling with some of the same thoughts of “remembering”. You are such a blessing to us. Thanks for being real.

  20. 170
    Susan House says:

    Oh Beth, How your word spoke to me. It’s amazing how God uses someone so many miles away to minister to me. In 2005, I did your study BREAKING FREE for the very first time. Our backgrounds are very, very similar and even without the DVD portion, God broke me free. This past fall, I was doing one of your studies at church and a participant asked me about the BREAKING FREE study. During the DVD portion of the study that night, God spoke to my heart and instructed to me to walk beside her through this study. I DID NOT WANT TO but out of pure obedience, I did. God sent another individual to join us and I can’t even tell you what a blessing it has been. I sit here with tears rolling down my face in pure admiration of my God!!! God showed me how Satan had boxed me in with writing. God called me to write that summer of 2005 and with God giving me the words I did. Eventually, Satan convinced me I was unworthy to write and I believed him. Praise God this week God opened my eyes. I’m no longer swatting at Satan like a he’s a mosquito. I’ve fighting him with God’s truth. Between you post and your comment to Tess, God once again affirmed to me the calling HE has for me. I, in my poor, miserable, weakly, worldly self cannot. However, just as God gave me Ex 4:12 when He told me the first time He wanted me to write, He gave it to me again this week,”Now, I(God), help you (Susan) speak and will teach you (Susan) what to say.” Thank you Beth and Tess for playing such a big role in God’s plan for me. To day God is soooooooooooooooo GOOD doesn’t even begin to express my gratefulness.

  21. 171
    Julie Bottge4 says:

    All I can do is cry. I LOVE you Lord, and I will never forget all You have done.

  22. 172
    Blessed Mom says:

    Thank you for this post, Beth. I have been remembering a lot this week. Tomorrow, 5 years ago, was the due date for our first baby. She never had a chance to be born and instead went to be with our Heavenly Father. Sometimes I think I am the only one who remembers her. I wonder what she would be like as a 5 year old. But then I look back and see God’s hand through the whole situation, leading my husband and I and caring for us during that storm. I look at my two sons, ages 4 and 3 and thank God for them and for the precious baby girl we are having in April. Remembering both the good and the hard reminds us just how much God loves us and how all things work together in his perfect timing.

  23. 173
    Kimberly says:

    Beth, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. Time can stand still, such as my daughter turning 18 years old later this year and me wondering, where has the time gone? Yet, there are seasons in my life where God has pulled me from the pit and I look back and think that was such a lifetime ago. I know you will cherish the memories of the years you lived in your home that brought a smile but you will always remember those that brought tears. May God continue to bless you, our dear Siesta Mama!

  24. 174
    Melissa Ford says:

    Thank you for sharing this part of your life…what a journey you’ve been on and it seems you live in anticipation of the next. Your authenticity has led me to get to know Jesus in a way that has left me “flabbergasted”…so thanks, thanks so much for being a risk taker and being so real. It really means a lot.

  25. 175
    carla says:

    I know how hard it is to leave your home. We recently did that after a lot of years too. I would say bittersweet. My mother passed away last year and I told my brother I would like my mother’s bible study materials, bible and the notes inside were from a lifetime. The prayers alone were thought invoking about answered prayer. Thank you for sharing with us Beth.

  26. 176
    Cathy Ekstrom says:

    I too am humbled and amazed by the timing of our incredible Lord. I’ve gone through a week of sickness and emotional struggles but just this morning the Lord reminded me to take our my little Book of Stones (based on the stones used to build the altar after the children of Israel crossed the red sea). I started it about a year ago when the Lord impressed on me to start remembering where he brought me from and it is always in my purse. In it I have simple one page entries for things he brought me through and did for me from childhood on. I add to it as things come up to remind me of specific blessings and bounty and the Lord has heaped on me.

    Reading through it this morning lifted my black mood and resulted in a sweet time of worship and resting in his presence.

    Your post was just a confirmation of how God’s special visitation and caring for me earlier — Mind boggling that he would go to so much trouble!

    Thank you for sharing on such a personal level. Studying the Bible with you over the past few years has changed my life — your love for the Word engendered one in me. Now I can’t get enough of it!


  27. 177
    Eva says:

    This post was the second reminder today (and it’s not even noon yet:) to remember the past and all He has brought us through. I have been married for 27 years with 4 sons (including 16 yr old twins now) and, tons of painful as well as glorious memories as well. I know the enemy has gained too much ground at times to break apart what God ordained for unity. If only we would be reminded each time what those verses say. We allow the world to steal us away far too often when the going gets rough. I am really beginning to see (after 3 years of SMV) how His Word rescues us time after time because He IS the Word and He is our life preserver. Committing to hang on even tighter in the days ahead.
    I love you Beth and only God knows how MUCH you have influenced, impacted, motivated, and changed my life with your obedience to His calling on your life! Just wrote a poem last week called “Phone Home” about prayer. I read it to my SS class and took so much courage to share it because others in the class did not get me! But, I know God gets me and that’s all I need to continue on my spiritual journey!

  28. 178
    Laura says:

    This entry truly blessed me. Thank you for sharing.

  29. 179
    sister sheri says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this… it will help me as I walk through those very steps one day on my own. Thankful that God is so good. This post mean a lot to me.

  30. 180
    Nichole H says:

    The theme of remembrance has been impressed so strongly in my spirit lately that I can hardly stand it. What am I supposed to do with this, Lord? I’m guessing he’ll let me know when I’m ready…but good grief. For now, I’ll grab some more kleenex.

  31. 181
    Nancy D says:

    My husband is in the ministry and we’ve moved several times because of that. When we moved to our current location, we thought we’d be lucky to stay 5 years. We were hesitant to come here; didn’t really want to but finally realized that if we were going to let God chose, we had no other choice but to come here. Fifteen years later, we’re still here only by the grace and mercy of God. It has not been without challenge and pain. And I still long for the day we can pack our boxes and move on. But, God is the one who brought us here and He will be the one to lead us on. If He wills. So, in the meantime I’ll continue to dance with the One who brung me. Thanks, Beth, for the message of hope in your story!

  32. 182
    Beverly Hudson says:

    I am so compelled to comment and what to comment and how to comment seems so out of reach…all I can say is yes, yes and oh my, yes…different yet the same; my skin around my soul is also way too tight!!! Remembering along side you, dear fellow sojourner!
    Shalom, shalom, selah…

  33. 183
    Liz Lyons says:

    I cried throughout this entire post bc it caused me too to remember OUR move.

    2 1/2 years ago we moved from our house of 14 years that I said we would NEVER move from. It was too special for soooo many of the reasons you also named. Two specific reasons: 1. Simply, (and seems silly) the street name: “Caritas (little faces) Circle” which is exactly what it was, a HUGE cul-de-sac of 14 homes with a grassy, tree-filled island full of… 2. Little faces: We had brought home our three little faces home from the hospital to that home and had made life-long family friends out of all of the new little faces as they each filled our neighbor’s homes!!!

    Fast forward to 2009, we were actually contemplating moving for the first time ever! I was studying the Life of Moses in BSF, and we were studying about the priesthood and even the colors on their garments. It fascinated me. But one scripture, Exodus 33:15 “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here,” I began praying for my family…was this the right move, was this the right time? Then it happened, after much prayer and seeking, God confirmed our decision to move out west on 290 to Fairfield.

    We wanted to build, and we knew the exact model we wanted to build. Turns out that model would only fit on ONE lot in all of the available lots to build in all of Fairfield at the time. I cried as I looked up and read the street sign…Blue Aaron Court!! I knew God was saying, “Child, I am here with you. I will bless this move. My presence is with you always!”

    Exodus 39 (KJV)

    The Priestly Garments

    “1 And of the BLUE, and purple, and scarlet, they made cloths of service, to do service in the holy place, and made the holy garments for AARON; as the LORD commanded Moses… 40 The hangings of the COURT, his pillars, and his sockets, and the hanging for the court gate, his cords, and his pins, and all the vessels of the service of the tabernacle, for the tent of the congregation…”

    Deuteronomy 8:2 “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you.” It is good to remember! God is so good and faithful!

  34. 184
    Redeemed says:

    I haven’t had the heart to comment in a while, although I’ve been reading everything posted. (Your sister Gaye’s writing is powerful stuff.)

    Today I’m jumping back on here to say “thank you, Father, for using Beth again to chip away at the self-protective crust I’ve been building around my heart.”

    Times are tough right now. They’ve been tough before, too, so instead of steeling myself against the hurt I will start to remember how God has delivered me (and my family) from untold destruction into the Light.

    When you said you had thanked God for the relationship with your abuser, I almost doubled over. Me too. And then I lived with the self condemnation that I could be so wrong! (this is where your lesson in James hit me: God gives wisdom generously WITHOUT FINDING FAULT. Boy, did I need to be reminded of that) Thank you for that transparency….I needed to know that I’m not the only one who has done that.

  35. 185
    April Jones says:

    Love!!! We are in the midst of buying our first home and as I go through the boxes of my baby girl’s first 2 years and the momentos of my husband and my life before each other – I am AMAZED over the direction and guidance that God brought to both of us without us even being aware of it at the time!

    Please pray for God’s wisdom as we make this large family and financial decision – I want to find a place that we can grow in and that our child (or children if the Lord wills it) can view as a place of refuge and security. A place that God sets apart just for us. A place that knows family prayers, devotions and Biblical lessons. A place that holds our tears, laughter, life successes and failures. A Home!

    Thanks for your post, Beth – it was so cool to see the other side of the journey that we are just now beginning! 🙂


    • 185.1
      April Jones says:

      Marathon house hunting day yesterday and I walked into the next to the last house on our list and we just knew – this is it! Praying for God’s continued direciton and protection. So excited I’m close to bursting – sorry, I just needed to share it somewhere other than my four walls at home! 🙂 Have a blessed Monday all!


  36. 186
    jill_in_AL says:

    Um, didn’t plan to cry today — sweet tears. All was fine until I read that precious little note.

    Thank you for sharing, heading for tissue! J

  37. 187
    Amanda says:

    What a great post. It inspires me to go back through some of my old prayer journals. Remembering IS so good. I can ALWAYS see God’s hand and His provision. It’s faith building. Hmmmm…I’m gonna go unearth those old journals right now.

  38. 188
    Jenny says:

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s such a timely word for me. I was just writing in my journal to the Lord asking Him why He does’t just give up on me… So many struggles, doubts. Will it ever end? And then I read your comforting words. As I look back, I see how He’s changed me and I remember when I didn’t think I could go on. But He came and carried me. Thank you for reminding me that He’s not finished with me yet.

  39. 189
    Karlys says:

    Thank you for your openness, your honesty, your love.

    Because of your challenge to memorize Scripture, 2011 was the year I memorized the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians and Romans 12: 9 to 21. It was all about love. My Dad died April 28, 2011. Then with my brother, we cleaned out his house, bringing out so many memories. It was very similar to your moving. And, so, thank you. Those verses served me so well through a time of much pain.

    Again, thank you. You minister to me from more than 300 miles away!

  40. 190
    Dana says:

    I am purely bawlin again. What a beautiful message. I feel like part of the family and have prayed for Michael a lot! To get to see a picture of him makes me happy. He is beautiful! To see the note he wrote above it saying that he missed you all broke my heart and made me bawl. I’m so thankful for you, Beth. I cannot tell you how many times the LORD has used you to help me. I’m so thankful that you remind me to sit in awe of Him more often. I love the fact that I can pray silent prayers any time any where. Just feeling so close to Him is a marvelous thing. KNOWING that I can just walk in the aisle of a grocery store and see a stranger and pray, “If they don’t know You, LORD, please lead them to you.” I’m so grateful for His provision too. I love the creative way He provides for me. He and I have a laugh together. I pray that I don’t miss seeing Him at work..that I ‘get it’.
    Again, thanks for sharing. I thank God for you!

  41. 191
    Dori says:

    Dear Beth,

    I don’t think a blog post has touched me more profoundly than this one right here. I have sat at my desk and sobbed for the last 15 minutes as I poured over every word and every picture.

    Maybe it is because it has been a terribly hard week as a mom. Maybe it is because I have my own boxes of memories that are also painful, profound and joyful to go through — all at the same time. Maybe it is because I had never seen a picture of Michael until now and I feel like I lived that journey with you because of your sharing.

    Maybe its just hormones!

    I think it is all of that, but what this post reminded me of most of all of is that my God has been a cloud by day and fire by night for me over and over again and I’ve never thanked Him enough. What a journey the “terrible” and “terrifying” wilderness has been. But, oh, the miracles of manna and water have been so sweet and carried me through.

    Who am I that He would love me like that?

    I have no idea. But oh how He loves and this post reminded me to love Him right back with heart, soul, mind and strength.

    Thank you for always sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. It spurs me on, Sister!

    Much love and blessings,

  42. 192
    Lisa says:

    Why are you moving/moved? We are in the process of moving ourselves and are being kept on the edges of our seats waiting for the loan process to go through. We have not sold our current home yet that’s been on the market since Sept. Delay after delay has taken place as all 5 of us are shacked up in a hotel waiting. I am doing my best to abate fears of the loan not going through. Thank you for your post. As always, your words encourage me.

  43. 193
    Dionna says:

    I loved going down memory lane with you. Thank you for sharing personal and touching pieces of your life.

    Thank you also, for the reminder to remember where we have gone with God and what He has walked through with us. I needed to hear that and to have the tears touch my eyes. For my God has been SO faithful to me. And I’ve felt frustrated for awhile at a few things in my life and getting a lot of silence in return. I needed to be pricked and reminded that God will be faithful to me again. I just need to continue to walk faithfully for Him and with Him.


  44. 194
    Hannah Lee says:

    Oh what nourishment this brings to my dry, aching soul.

    Thank you, Beth. I have been struggling with an old circumstance that needed to hear this and because of your words through God’s Word in Deutoronomy, I had the courage to write about it and understand what He is doing–

    Thank you so much for all that you do. You mean so much to this community, to women, to people trying to keep their head above water. Thank you!

  45. 195
    Dean says:

    Thank you, thank you for being so real. You have such a way with words and expressing your emotions. I am 3 months away from turning 40. I have only felt like a grown up for the last year. haha. I have really felt it in the last 6 weeks with my dad’s decreasing health. I have leaned more on scripture and God than ever. It has always been so easy to fall in the darkness of fear and worry just where the Enemy would like. I want more than anything to grow closer in Jesus and find joy in all things. It is soooo hard at times. I appreciate your honesty in showing life hasn’t always been chipper for you either. It is odd how you sharing life’s hurts, hangups and happiness helps me in my walk. grin.

  46. 196
    Robin Patchen says:

    Thank you for this message today. When we’re in His arms, it’s safe to look back at all of it–the horrifying and the beautiful–and see His hand on us throughout. We just have to make sure we have the right anthropologist on our side, the One who means everything for our good, not the one who twists everything for his evil purposes.

  47. 197
    Kate says:

    “I find it interesting and pathetic how quickly we (I) tend to give up and think God has passed us (me) by.” Opened the floodgates…please pass the kleenex ’cause I can no longer compose myself.
    Thank you for sharing your life…thank you…really! Thank you for sharing Truth!

  48. 198
    m says:

    God’s timing IS perfect, sometimes so very painful, but perfect… Just last night, coming home from session three of the James study, I asked God if it really was so important to “remember” the anguish Beth taught about from John 16:21. I told Him that I didn’t want to recall that horrible feeling I felt a couple of months ago as we drove away from the hospital where we had to leave our 15-year-old daughter, struggling with a severe mood disorder. Beth described that suffocating feeling, sucking for breath between sobs agony, that I don’t EVER want to experience again! Lying in bed last night, God started the process of showing me that, yes, He never wants me to forget. He is still showing me the reasons why, as this journey is far from over. But, I thank you Beth, for your words this morning, affirming what God is doing in my life.

  49. 199
    Shirleen says:

    Thank you Beth for sharing your heart with us. This has been such a wonderful reminder of God’s perfect knowledge, love, and faithfulness towards EACH of His children, and how unique we are in His sight. How can God take such personal delight in each of us, and draw each of us to Him in a one-of-a-kind sorta way? It’s AMAZING!! May He cause me to remember,and to never forget where He’s brought me from, and where I am headed with HIM.

  50. 200
    Amy says:

    Thank you for your post today, Beth! I needed to be reminded that in the end God is working things out to His good. Our family moved this summer to a new home after 16 yrs in our privious home. Five months before our move we lost our youngest son. As painful as it was to leave the house filled with Jack’s memories, God used the move to begin a healing in each one of us. We are still mourning Jack’s loss since this month will mark one year of his absence. It is so hard to see the good God will bring, but I know he will turn my mourning into dancing and my tears to shouts of praise.

    • 200.1
      Beth says:

      Oh, Amy. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious Jack. May Jesus continue to hold you so closely that you can never feel forgotten or overlooked and may He indeed turn your mourning into dancing.

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