At times like these, I wish so much I hadn’t already overused words like “amazed” or “awed” to describe what I’m feeling about God. Or “blown away” or “astonished” or “stunned.” For instance, I think I recall using a few of those very words about a red bird I saw in my yard yesterday. Not that God’s handiwork displayed on the delicate wings of a bird of such brilliant color that it has its own name (cardinal red) isn’t amazing. It’s just that I feel something on a slightly larger and more personal scale right now. I wish I’d reserved a few of the synonyms for “awed” for those rarer moments when I feel it to such full measure that my skin almost feels too tight for my soul. When I’m half tempted to do nothing but sit, stare out a window, and shake my head for hours on end. Times I want to say something like, “Who is this God who pursues us so personally?” Or in the psalmist’s words, “What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” I wouldn’t bother sharing this sense I have in my heart with you if I thought moments like these weren’t smattered on the canvases of all followers of Christ. But they are. You’ve had them, too. I’m hoping you’ll remember some of them today. And perhaps you’ve had these moment of inexpressible awe for the very same reason:
The flabbergasting (I’ve overused that word, too) timing of God.
Timing that illustrates to you once again that the God of the universe who called the heavens and earth into existence really does know you are alive and what you are presently experiencing…and even thinking.
You’ve had times like the one I’m currently experiencing. Times when God made sure you were studying a particular thing at the exact time when it spoke most profoundly into that stretch of your journey. For instance, think of a time when you didn’t get to go through a particular Bible study journey during the same set of weeks as your regular discipleship group and maybe you didn’t get around to it for several years…but, when you did, you realized that God had distinctly held it for you until then. I mean, how on earth does He know??
You and I know the answer to that question Biblically. God is omniscient. A meticulous planner is He. But psychologically, don’t we still find it shocking? I mean, how on earth does He have the energy to keep up with millions of His followers and exactly what we need and at exactly which time?
Yes, we know the answer to that question Biblically, too. But, humanly, aren’t we still sometimes taken aback by it?
While Melissa and I were studying James together, she got wrapped up in the Book of Deuteronomy (they have flagrant ties) and talked about it enough that I also got drawn in. Enough, in fact, that by early Fall I knew God was preparing me to teach portions of it in our Tuesday night series that would begin in late January. (She would also co-teach by writing coinciding articles for our Bible study group. It’s the one we are currently serving.)
In preparation for the January series, I decided to start reading the Book of Deuteronomy as part of my quiet time every morning starting in November (of 2011). I did not in any way have preconceived notions about the theme in the life of the Israelites matching up to a major move in my personal life. I chose it strictly because it would prepare me daily toward teaching parts of it several months later. Of course, I anticipated that God would speak to me through it because His Word is alive and active but I had no thought of the concept being perfectly timed for me personally.
As God would have it, the whole book was/is about moving to new ground. (To us this side of Christ’s ascension, this shift to a land of promise would serve powerfully as a metaphor for new ground in our fruit-bearing as obvious disciples of Jesus Christ but, for me, it happened at a time when the applications were multilayered and so much so that, to ignore it would have been a fool’s choice.) And here’s the part that left me slack-jawed. One of the most powerful messages in the Deuteronomy is the warning never to forget where you’ve been with Him, what He has done for you, and that He alone is your God and that to forget Him is total destruction to you. From Chapter 8 alone…
V.2 “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you.”
V.11 “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God.”
V.14 “lest, when you have eaten and are full and built good houses and live in them …then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery…”
V.18 “You shall remember the Lord your God.”
V.19 “And if you forget the Lord your God, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish.”
Let me tell you something, Sweet Thing. There is nothing quite like emptying out a house you’ve been thoroughly entrenched in for nearly thirty years to cause you to remember. Keith sat across from me a few days ago, leaned back in the chair, placed his large palms on his knees – almost as if to brace himself – and said as soberly as anything I’ve ever heard him utter, “I have relived 25 years of our lives as I have cleared out that attic.” It wasn’t the time for me to correct him on exactly how many years it had been. “Well, 27 to be exact” was not about to come out of my mouth. In fact, I hardly said anything at all. I just nodded my head and sat in silence for a few minutes with him. It was a sacred selah because I knew that some of the things he’d remembered had brought joy. And some of the things he’d remembered had brought pain. I knew because the same thing had happened to me. The next day we were in his truck together going to Dairy Queen for a chocolate malt when I brought it back up.
“Keith, don’t you think it is so incredibly odd that God made sure you were out of town while I (and the movers) packed the house up for our move then you did the whole attic by yourself because I was back at work? Do you think it could be any coincidence that God had each of us by ourselves to remember so much of our lives there?”
Same house. Same children. Many of the same exact occurrences. But two completely different people with distinct DNA who processed the same events very differently. Just as Amanda would have. Just as Melissa would have. Just as even Michael would have after his seven short years in our home. You and I share many corporate events with the people in our familial circles: births, deaths, disappointments, celebrations, routines, great surprises, sudden crises. But, if we’ll let Him, God tends to us all uniquely and intimately and means each of us to glean something distinct in the process. Maybe something altogether opposite from the person sitting right beside us at the time.
The kinds of things we unearthed in the move seemed strategically planted by God, set right there for us to find one at a time as if we were following closely to a dog-eared treasure map.
Several of them came to me in a box Keith found in the attic. I’d forgotten it existed.
I took the lid off and saw this:
Very uncharacteristically, Keith had looked through the whole thing before giving it to me. Don’t think that won’t make a woman nervous. In it, he’d found the first card he ever gave me. We laughed until our sides split over how beautifully it depicted us. It was like we’d had a word of knowledge about what was coming. Our whole 33 year old marriage has been the steady recycling of this exact same card given back and forth to one another:
Inside the box was the very first prayer journal I suppose I ever owned. I think that I recall a revival pastor coming to my church at the time and telling us about these little notebooks and I purchased one. I smile as I try to estimate how many I’ve purchased since. I used one this very morning.
It’s so moving to find keepsakes that you actually dated and penned with your own (young!) hand. I would have sensed the call of God on my life and walked the aisle at my church to make it public one summer before.
I read many things in that first journal that made me smile and others that pooled the tears in my eyes. Others out right mystified me. To say that I was in denial over my past childhood abuse is a mind-boggling understatement but that’s another subject for another time. Let me just say for now that I watched my own pen flat-out lie to me over and over again. I even thanked God for the relationship I had with someone who’d abused me. Nuts. That very malfunction would put me in counseling in my early thirties. I woke up alright. That subject aside, I want to show you a specific page out of the journal because it held significant tenderness for me.
See the very top entry? That was intercession for the young people I got to serve at my home church. I was sponsoring that very group at a church camp when I first sensed a vocational call. See that second entry? I did hurt that person. A very wonderful person who deserved far better. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I surely did. I was on a terrible rebound and couldn’t be trusted emotionally. See that third entry? It was about a possible internship at a church in the Houston area. (The town is Humble, Texas. Not the name of the church. I wonder now if I meant First Baptist Humble but I’m not sure. Back then, I might not have known the difference. Grin.) They didn’t hire me and, at the time, I almost talked myself into believing that I’d made up the whole calling. I find it interesting and pathetic how quickly we (I) tend to give up and think God has passed us (me) by. I’d have made a terrible Abraham.
Now, look back up at that last entry from the page in my first journal. I fell head-over-heels in love with a young man in college who I dated for the better part of two years. He never even pretended to feel the same way about me (not his fault, God’s will) and my beaten-up heart finally shattered into a thousand pieces as I accepted it as a lost cause and bowed out. Fast forward 35 years. What makes this discovery in the journal so tender is that I received a call several weeks ago from my college roommate telling me in tears that this young man – who was now in his mid-fifties – had died that very morning of a heart attack. No warning. No prior heart problem. I had not seen him in many years. I grieved immediately and deeply for his lovely wife who he adored and who would miss him terribly. Only God could have had the tenderness to let me see this page only a short time later and have a moment’s personal mourning and remembrance over someone I’d felt much for many years earlier. God did not owe me that. It was tender mercy. Who but Christ does something like that??
There were other treasures found elsewhere. Like this picture of Keith and me boarding a cruise liner the morning after we married. (Our honeymoon was our wedding gift from his parents. We wouldn’t have two extra nickles to rub together for many years.)
That was the man I was meant to marry. And we have continued to ride many waves. It was deeply significant to me that God not only planned for me to find treasures from my spiritual journey. He also had similar intentions for Keith. I had never seen these certificates and Keith had no memory of them being placed in his possession by his parents.
We found a whole bag of cassette-taped messages from Buddy Walters, the mentor that God used to strike a flaming desire in my heart to study Scripture. He was my first Bible doctrine teacher. These messages were preached years later at the church in North Carolina where he served as associate pastor.
Curtis converted them into CD’s for me last week. I’ve been listening to them and hearing the echo of that strong voice of authority and affection for the Lord Jesus Christ that took my breath away in my mid-twenties. Buddy died in his mid-forties and has been with the Lord for many years now but his ministry is poured into every message we have at Living Proof. God’s ways are so strange and beautiful. God knew that I could not fully “remember” my journey with Him without remembering the sound of this mouthpiece. My deepest love affair with Jesus through His Word began under that man’s teaching.
You can quite imagine that we unearthed artifact after artifact from our children’s lives. Stuffed animals. Artwork. Report cards. Clothes. You name it. I hadn’t seen this picture in so long. We were at Keith’s baby sister’s wedding. Oh, mercy, I love these two little girls so much. In this mother’s heart, they are about this same age.
I shared with you in a post soon after we moved (Dec. 2011) that I’d declared to Keith that I’d never leave that house. I also told you that one (irrational, unexplainable) reason was the fear that our time with Michael (who lived with us for seven years) would seem less real, further removed, and the door permanently closed. It was real alright. In this move, we’ve discovered him all over our house. Stacks and stacks of pictures, albums, artwork, report cards, etc, etc, etc. I found this letter that we received some months after he left.
Spud was our nickname for him. I also found this particular school picture. It was the year he departed our home. Wasn’t he beautiful?
As it turned out, the move did not distance us further nor close the door permanently. I have seen him as recently as two weeks ago and get to stay in regular communication with him. God is so gracious. Michael looks fairly different now but he is still so darling. He is a tattoo artist and has practiced a good deal on himself. I am smiling. I love him. And I am so, so proud of him.
The 8th chapter of the Book of Deuteronomy says to remember “the whole way” (V.2) the Lord has led you. The “terrible” (NASB) and “terrifying” (ESV) wilderness (V.15) and the miracles of manna and water from the flinty rock. (Vv.15-16) Translation? Remember the awful times. Remember the awesome times. I not only dug up sweet memories. I’ve stumbled upon some terrifying ones. Some that I wish to heaven I could have forgotten. Some that make my skin crawl. I found journal entries from a time of such utter darkness in my life that only God could have brought me through in one piece. Reading my pleas from that time stirred up such strong emotions that I could have thrown up. I kept having to remind myself to keep my memories in the light of God and not let them descend into the darkness of the enemy. When I remember them before God who delivered me, I am helped. When I remember them before the enemy who full-well meant to destroy me, I am haunted. Oh, the grace and mercy God has had upon my life. He is the only good in me. I’m sure Keith found reminders of some dark days of his own. And those are between God and him. I’ll leave you with one last picture. Keith sent me this one from his phone two days ago to let me know that the house was completely empty. Don’t think it wasn’t significant to me.
Oh, yes, Lord. I definitely remember the heaps of trash. Thank You for assuring us that, through Your mercy, all of it – EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT – has been thrown into the depths of the sea, swallowed up in a fountain of blood.YOU ALONE are our God. YOU ALONE delivered Keith and I from such miry clay. YOU ALONE have kept my family in tact. YOU ALONE have spared us so much shame and lifelong defeat. You alone persistently dogged us with Your Holy Spirit and Your Word until we could no longer cover our ears. You alone saw people worth fixing in our brokenness. And You still do. I never want to forget, Lord. Never.
“Take care lest you forget the Lord your God…who brought you out of the house of slavery.”
Deuteronomy 8:16 says something so riveting that I can hardly read it without having a visceral reaction. It says that God TESTS us and HUMBLES us “to do you good in the end.”
In the end. Seems like we’ve heard that somewhere before. Somewhere this side of the Cross.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV
Lovely post – took me back to a bittersweet time last year, when we lost our home of 14 years and had to pack up to move … yet God had tucked scripture verses all over the house. They kept turning up in the oddest places as I packed (by myself, my three sons being in school). And, it was always the exact word of encouragement I needed for that difficult time. This post also serves as a vivid admonishment for me not to forget a single moment of these last five years of wilderness as God moves us into a new season (I’m declaring that by faith). Thanks for sharing and God bless!
Thank you for sharing your life stories. Thank you for reminding us about remembering things from the past God has brought us through. God is always right on time and it’s something I have to remind myself almost daily this week. Going to a 19 year old’s funeral this past week has about done me in. In addition, you know when your children are hurting and there is nothing you can do, it just “kills” a momma’s heart. I must remember of all the times He has brought my family through so many difficult trials in our lives. He is always in control and LOVES me. Thank you for being open and helping us to remember and to see.
God is truly amazing. I have been going through so much and I realized that I hadn’t finished So Long Insecurities (which I actually listened to on audio at least twice, but never really heard because I was listening in my car). Anyway, I was listening to it tonight and you mentioned something about a blog, so I figured I would check it out. I found the old blog, but I also found this one. I read the entry for today and my goodness! Just today God helped me come to terms with some things about myself and gave me three Scriptures to meditate on, James 1:19, 26 and 2 Tim. 2:15 – 16. I figured this blog entry was going to be yet another moment in my recent life when, as you mentioned earlier, I was reading or doing exactly what I needed to do. I saw you mention James. Just as recently as last week, I was looking for a book and found a prayer journal that I started writing in back in 2007. That sent me down memory lane. Back in January, I started making a written prayer list. This is something I’ve never done before. I marveled at God’s awesomeness when I saw the prayer journal page that had instructions on what to write on the page. This is something I’ll be incorporating on my next prayer list. As I kept reading the blog entry, I was anticipating more similarities or things that would fall right into place with what was going on with me. Last month, I became fascinated with Romans 8, so I’m sure you can imagine the size of my smile when I read the last words of the entry. Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a wonderful way. I’m glad I found this blog and plan to visit often.
Welcome to Siestaville Tiwari!
Love, Linda
Oh Siesta Mama, God uses you in my life in so many ways! This post was right on time for me. I am at the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and I so needed to be reminded to stop and remember! The other day, I was on day 73 of your John 90 with the beloved disciple devotional, and it so spoke to my day that I was in tears! It has been hours since I first read this post, but when I was having my quiet time, I decided to go back and read in Deuteronomy. I read through the first chapter, and I kept coming across a certain phrase that made me pause. I was reading out of the New Living Translation, and the command of God kept saying go and occupy the promised land! I of course kept thinking about all the occupy movements going on and began to think, what would it look like today to occupy the promised land?
God keeps putting deep Selah questions in my spirit as of late. Earlier this week, I was confronted with the question, “What does it mean to sit down in the presence of the Most High God?” (Based out of Psalm 91). Tonight, I keep coming back to the question, “What does it mean to occupy the promises of the Most High God?”
Just something to think about. I love all you Siestas, and of course our Siesta Mama, dearly.
So moving and touching. So honest. Words cannot express. Validated many emotions I’ve felt the last few weeks. Thank you so much Beth!
Weeping! Lord, you are so worthy of praise! Thank you for your faithfulness to each one of us. Thank you for leading us through. We can not do it by ourselves, but You are with us. Yes, we want to remember and never forget that YOU are our life! And, Lord, thank you for your faithfulness to the Moores — bless them — what a rich way you bless us through them. And, may we all be a rich blessing to the Body of Christ as we remember YOU and let YOU live and work and love in and through us all. Praise You, LORD!
Just what my heart needed at 1:26 in the morning.. I have laid in my bed awake the last two hours wondering what on earth ‘for’ … I question am I doing enough ‘for’ my kiddos.. Did I write everything down be’fore’ I go shopping tomorrow so that I can stay on budget… But I see after reading your post the ‘this side’ of the memories the things I’m doing now that will make those memories.. I am the first person my babies see in the morning and the last one before they put their heads down.. I’m blessed that I can be a stay at home mom but I find myself so emotionally detached sometimes and again I ask why? What for? My husban called me two mornings ago asking if I had heard on KSBJ the focus on the family they where doing a topic on marriage about the book “How We Love” he was so excited about wanting me to hear it so that I can tell him which of the five types he was … I listened and told him what I thought he agreed but then I through him for a loop.. I said ok so if we become one of these five by how we were raised/treated by our parents what category will each of our 4 fit in? and that same question has been resonating in my head for the past two days.. Lol it was like an emotional awakening.. I think I have shut out so much feeling from my relationship with my husband ( there is emotional and at times physical abuse) that it seeped into other areas of emotions.. Your post reminds me how important it is to not do that.. Thank you Beth!
Tina, I struggle with the same issue with my own children. I find myself very detached at times. I will pray that God continues to speak to your heart. hugs!!
Thank you so much Casey :)… I go to Him every morning to have my heart refilled.. and I guess its like how the song goes. “it’s the time in between” that I need Him the most.. Hugs back with a few tears..of hope…
This one touched my heart my core and a few nerves. I love you Beth.
Thank you so much for your tender heart, for letting the words/tears flow through your keyboard, and being a blessing to so many. This heart of mine was touched this early morning as I read your beautiful post. As I sit here in the darkness after learning of a second diagnosis of cancer in less than eight months, I too am on my own personal “rememberance” journey. Thank you for showing that journeying through memories can bring peace as I reflect on where the Lord has brought me from, and using that reflection back to gain new hope for the “forward march.” Knowing that He is the same Yesterday, Today, and Forever brings me peace as I see how good He was in the past and realize that goodness continues on into eternity. You are a blessing to my heart. Each twitter statement, each blog entry causes me to either laugh with its “goofiness” or to tear up with its poignancy. Keep on letting the Lord use you, Beth Moore. You are loved my many, and are leaned up by many. Asking the Lord to continue to protect and guide you.
Peace in Him.
Oops, meant to say your are loved BY many and are leaned ON by many. Please forgive my trembling hands.
Oh, Sister, I am praying for you right now and I know that many Siestas will do the same. May Jesus be outrageous in His care for you and may He be greatly glorified through healing! Jesus, wrap Your arms around her so tightly and raise her to her feet. She is Your love.
I am truly amazed to receive this special prayer from you. Thank you again for your ministry. I know you are “just a woman,” but thank you for being the Lord’s woman. Love you in the Lord, and I hope our mansions are close to each other in heaven so we can sit and talk.
KJB – I am praying for you – may His tender mercies surround you, may God give healing.
I liked that you typed “leaned UP by many.” As we pray for Beth too, only God can lean her up. Higher Ground.
Much love siesta,
Jan
KJB,
Just want you to know I am lifting you up in prayer today. God’s PRESENCE is always with you.
KJB, thank you so much for sharing…I’m praying for His healing touch right now for you….May He bless you.
OH – where’s Travis to sing “We will Remember” when we need it? Shoot. Let’s just all sing along anyway(silently if we’re self-conscious):
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness…
Love ya!
Erin
Love this song by Tommy Walker…LOVE.
I am amazed at God’s timing! I am preparing for yet another move when my husband comes home from his latest deployment next month. After I put the kids to bed, I work slowly through every closet, a little at a time. I do not have years and years to sort through, it is mostly the important stuff that makes the cut for the movers with each move. The things that have been with us since the very beginning, deciding what we will keep from this latest leg of our journey. The things that make it onto that moving truck, we call our stones of remembrance. I love moving because it allows me the opportunity to handle those stones that otherwise tend to get buried in our busy day to day living! I get to remember the things we have learned, the ways we have grown, the children that have been added to our lives. God’s fingerprints are so much easier for me to decipher in hindsight. It is so much fun for me to look back and see God so clearly, especially during the times He was least felt in the midst of it. Your words have ministered to me tonight, Thank you!
Beth, Love this post,Love you, but most of all, Love The Lord for His Faithfulness!
Stacie
This is just ONE of the reasons we love you so! ….thank you!
Oh Beth…..how I needed to read this….please pray that I will “remember”. My current situation is screaming at me to forget.
Thank you so much for sharing….
This may be my favorite post ever. Thank you for it.
I love you,
Pam
Beth, wow! I can relate … my stomach is still in a knot; too many emotions to process. Thank you for sharing and yes what a Wondrous God we serve.
Beth,
Thanks for sharing this post. It was especially nice to see the letter from Michael. I have prayed for him since you first spoke of him.
Glad you have seen him recently.
Sheryl
This post had me from the very beginning and has grab my heart in such a way that I can’t find the words to describe what I’m feeling.
Thank you for sharing.
Beth I too thank you and I thank Him…I am in “awe”. I watched a Lifetoday clip yesterday from March of last year in which you referenced much of this. The scripture you used from 2 Timothy…not having a spirit of fear but of power, love and of sound mind and your words of encouragement gave me strength as later that day I found out my daddy was being placed on hospice…devastated but encouraged and “awed” by the appropriate scripture and words giving me a sound mind and strength. Your blog today as it has done so many times just confirms all the ways He has shown Himself to me through you. Thank you for your obedience to Him.
Dear Beth…I praise God for you, for your journey, for your honest sharing and for your uninhibited testimony. I hope you feel the Love that you radiate. Your are an instrument and mouthpiece yourself that has awakened and birthed a deep desire to learn God’s word within me. You speak to me, my awe over you land’s where it should and I truly Thank God for your presence in my path. It began two years ago with the Book of Esther. I continued to awaken with Breaking Free. Wow…did I Learn with a heart wide open with your study of Daniel. James is now calling my name. All have been incredibly timing, especially those missed lessons that I would watch weeks later only to fall to my knees and praise God for how timely they were. Your passion for God’s word is felt in every word you share with the world. The first time I read you calling us Beloved touched my heart in such a profound way. Everytime you touch my heart through your miinstry I send a prayer out hoping you feel that same love. You truly are Beloved, please know that this lamb Love’s you dearly. Thank You My Dear God…
This post had me on the edge of my seat!! I thank God that you did NOT talk yourself out of ministering… Your message reminds me of Gay’s first installment of her journey out of the dark. She said, “I believe in order to LIVE what I have been delivered to, I have to REMEMBER what I have been delivered from.” It was my facebook status for a bit!!
You sweet girls–I love you!
Thank you Beth for sharing your memories of where God has taken you and your family. I love when you share your life with us and the insights you have on life. Since you wrote about your prayer journal, I thought now would be a good time for me to ask (I’ve been wanting to ask for quite some time) what does a prayer journal look like? What does it contain, how do you begin? I know these questions may sound like I’m not very clever, it’s just that a prayer journal is a new term for me, something outside my Christian tradition. I’ve been keeping a journal on and off for the past 12 years and have definitely written down my struggles and have asked God to help me. I don’t know if a prayer journal is more than that, please fill me in.
Hi Lisa!
This is new to me too and in the 2nd Livestream that Beth had, she discussed how she does hers. Unfortunately, I missed it and they had a technical error so we can’t go back and watch it. There have been several requests for an outline of it so I’m keeping my fingers crossed!
If you go to the archives of this blog, on Jan. 12, the post is titled What’s Working in Your Prayer Lives?. There are lots of ideas on how everyone does theirs and they also give the name of the one Beth uses. It’s available on Amazon. Hope this helps!
oh, lisa, if i lived close to you (ha, maybe I do), i’d take you shopping! if you have a Christian bookstore nearby, hit it and ask for some help from a salesperson. prayer journals are plentiful and you might have to try out a few to find a good “fit” for you. may i encourage you to get on the hunt for one and you will love-love-love them. I use Debbie Williams’ Prayers of My Heart (can purchase on amazon.com). pray on!
Thank you for sharing so transparently, Beth. Your posts about your memories in your house read like the chorus of Chris Tomlin’s “How Great is Our God.” And, now more than ever, I can relate. My parents have lived in the same house for all 26 years of my life but have recently begun to talk about the idea of moving to a different house. The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone about it, and she said, “What do you think?” My first response was, “Well, I’m very excited for y’all but it’s going to be sad no matter what.” But in my heart I was thinking, I couldn’t fully answer that question with all the words in the universe. I have no doubt that my Mom feels the same way, which is why she was asking in the first place. Reading your post, though, I realize the beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness that a move can reveal. Sometimes it might be the only way for us to truly appreciate our Gilgal. If that is God’s will for my family, then I am game. Love to yours!
Thank you for this post today…the day my baby boy turns 7 and I’m only remembering my mistakes and the fleeing of time. Crying to our Father that He will move me from haunted to helped.
Beth, I look at you and see God’s perfect gift to those of us who need comfort. He has given you such an ability to communicate how you feel and how in awe you are of His presence in your life. I pray for it everyday. This post made me laugh, brought tears to my eyes and brought me joy. God’s timing is always perfect.
Through our sisters in Christ we can know that no matter what we go through someone else has or is going through it too. If there is one thing that brings me down more than anything is the horrible things I have done. I know that in Christ I am whole and I do try each day to live in today and not yesterday (can’t let satan get a foothold). You encourage me so much. Thank you for your honesty, openness and willingness to share.
Love to you my sister in Christ.
Oh, Beth, I cannot stop bawling!!! Mostly good tears–about the things I have been delivered FROM but mostly about the ONE I HAVE BEEN DELIVERED TO!!!! Your words on paper stir things in me that I could not express on paper myself. I love you so dearly but more than that, I love that you were one of the first to start stirring my heart for my Savior Jesus Christ!!
I am so thankful to be reading your post today. We are in the process of moving from our first home…and this weekend, my hubby and I just finished cleaning out our attic. Wow, the memories!! I know exactly how you felt…because sitting on our cold garage floor I shed tears, laughed, cried, and remembered. And yes, seeing God in every turn of our lives together. Isn’t He so good to us! Thanks for sharing Siesta Momma!
Even though my family doesn’t know where the Lord will move us next, I’m sure it will be just as jam packed full of memories as this house was!
What a blessing to so, so many that you are obedient to God’s calling on you life.
Your words are so timely for me right now…Thank you for sharing your heart.
This really ministered to me today. Thank you and God bless.
Oh, Siesta Mamma, thank you for reminding us to look back to see God’s work in our lives. So often I just want to forget the past and block out it’s existence. Thanks for reminding me to glance in the rearview mirror every once in a while to see the places God carried me. God is amazing!
Beth,
First of all, beautiful post!
I sure hope you see this comment…I just have to tell you how much the part you wrote about wondering at that point if you’d “made the whole calling up yourself” resonated with me! Oh how I’ve been there…how I’m there now. I felt God calling me into a teaching/writing ministry nearly 7 years ago and sometimes I think I must have just made it all up too. I laughed over you saying you would have made a horrible Abraham. Haha. Me too!
One day I sure hope I get the opportunity, even if its in heaven, to sit down over a Cappuccino and tell you just how much you’ve been a spiritual mama to me. Our stories are strikingly similar and your transparency has ministered to me so! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Siesta Mama! 🙂
Love,
Tess
I did indeed get it, Tess. May Jesus vividly affirm what He’s called you to do in the days to come. You are loved here. You are loved by HIM.
Tess,
Be encouraged! I have been in the same place as well…and I have found that when God calls you to something, there then is a time preparation. For each of us the amount of “time” will vary.
God has continued to give me confirmation after confirmation and yet I would still go to Him and question…until I believe I heard Him say, “You know the answer, take a step out in faith.”
In doing so, I have begun to take the inital steps of what HE has called me into and I know He will do the same for you.
Believing God for you ~
Lynne
Tess-I loved the horrible Abraham comment also! I would’ve been a horrible one too! And Beth has been a spiritual mama to me too, through her Bible studies and on here. I thank God!
This post meant so much to me as well, thank you for being so real! I wish I could express my heartfelt thoughts so authentically as that! I am in the process of packing our lives up once again, after 35 years of marriage ( yeah 1977!) three children.
God used your post to tender my heart so that even the packing process might be beautiful journey. He is so good to me, so thankful to know that even though we all share the gift of memories they are so uniquely ours.
What a beautiful message, Beth. Thank you for sharing such intimate memories with us. God bless you and your family!
Oh Beth!
Thank you! Especially for that little phrase-
“I kept having to remind myself to keep my memories in the light of God and not let them descend into the darkness of the enemy. When I remember them before God who delivered me, I am helped. When I remember them before the enemy who full-well meant to destroy me, I am haunted.”
This I have tucked safely inside and will carry with me. Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. How true this is of his tender mercy not only in what we face each day but what we remember. He alone is worthy!
Chrissy
Thank you so much for this powerful reminder. Today is the 12 year anniversary of when (as a 16 year-old), I underwent life-threatening brain surgery. There had been virtually no warning that anything was seriously wrong, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was wheeled into an operating room, knowing it was very likely that I would die there. Having been terrified the night before, that morning I experienced complete joy and peace, even singing on my gurney in the pre-op area and reassuring my parents (both non-believers) that one way or another, I would be ok. As I hugged my parents goodbye (not knowing if would be a permanent one or not) I distinctly remember praying “Lord, please let me wake up with people who love me or let me wake up with you.” Recovering from surgery was very difficult for me both physically and emotionally (for a 16 year-old girl to have her head partially shaved and giant Frankenstein stitches stretching across it is an emotional challenge for sure!), and the anniversary tends to bring back a lot of sadness and fear. Today I woke up praying that God would just let this day pass quickly for me. I realize now that I should take this day to remember the strength God gave me and celebrate all he has brought me through. I woke up in the arms of my wonderful husband before heading off to work in a field that I love and later today I will listen to the heart beat of the precious baby growing strong inside of me. Through fear, sadness, and uncertainty, God has brought me to such a beautiful place. I am grateful.
“But, if we’ll let Him, God tends to us all uniquely and intimately and means each of us to glean something distinct in the process. Maybe something altogether opposite from the person sitting right beside us at the time.”
Thank you so much for this wisdom and for being so open about your life. My husband and I are going through such an incredibly hard time right now. I needed to hear this today, even though I am now crying at my desk. =) Thank you, thank you for being open about your life. You encourage me so much.
Remember…i needed to here that again this morning. Thank you Beth, for trusting us with your heart. Praying for you today!!
oops…hear 😉
Seeing that precious boy’s face just about did me in. I remember hearing Michael’s story from my mom when I was 6 or 7 years old (23 now), and I have wondered and prayed for years.
Thank you.
Jesus is making himself so known to me right now. I cannot get enough of Him! He has used you and this ministry to instill in me a love for His Word unlike ever before in my young life. I don’t ever want to lose it.
Thank you, sweet Beth, for serving Him…for opening your heart to us. You are a blessing.
Sweet Beth,
Thank you for sharing such intimate things with us. I am blown away by God’s tender mercies too. It is unbelievable how personal He is with us. I also wanted to write to let you know that the impact you Bible teacher friend had on you IS THE SAME IMPACT YOU HAVE HAD ON ME! Isn’t God’s ripple effect cool? God used someone to impact him, he impacted you, and God used you to instill a love of His Word in me. Now, hopefully, I will get to pass that love on to countless other people including my very own sweet children. I love you so much for it and am so thankful that you have yielded your life to Him!
Thank you Beth for sharing such words with us. You are a blessing. I thank God for your insight and wisdom. God has used you mightily in my life just as someone was used for yours. My history is nothing like yours, but God has reminded me this week of a particular bad summer in my life. It was a moment this week that I dropped to my knees in thanksgiving and truly worshiping all He has done. God is good all the time!
i was so moved to read this blog post. The thing about remembering… I was listening to Matt Redmond singing “You were faithful”! Oh yes he was. he never left us alone, even in the times when we make dreadful mistakes. the thing about those painful memories is that we can also trace the path of his footsteps through time as he brought us to where we are today.
This resonated with me too because I’ve been doing your Bible studies since the very first one. I felt the terrific struggle you had with that precious little boy. I sobbed when I heard that you had to give him up. You took us through so many of these things as you bared your heart so we could catch the fever of loving this God. And oh did I. Now I know for myself the heart pounding thrill of being in his presence, of literally feeling his breath on my face as I studied his word.
I remember one time when a woman had done something to me that hurt so bad, came to a Bible study I was teaching. I did not know that she would be there. The subject matter was dealing with conflicts between believers. I could have nailed her verbally, but I remembered you speaking of a time when you did that and the LORD disciplined you. The impact of what you had to go through haunted me. It was one of those times when I raised my eyes and said “help me, my savior!” He did! He gave me gracious words to say. HIS words. Because you have been so transparent and real, I, and so many others have learned and been spared hard lessons.
Thanks dear friend, I love you!
Heidi
Oh, Beth! This is a word that I have been desperately seeking from the Lord!
I have been under an incredible torment about my past for almost a year now and this post has helped me gain a whole new perspective on my life. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Starting today I will begin looking at my life and at God through his loving perspective of me. . .
This is so precious and brings tears to my eyes has I think of my own life! And, today I will declare the works of the Lord! Past, present and the future ones!! Thank you for sharing your personnal life with me! Love ya!
I love your post. I love to hear other people’s stories. And I know how you feel when you see God work in such a way that there are no words, no actions you can take to tell Him, to show Him just how supercalifragelisticexpialadocious (spelling mine, HA) He is. I keep thinking about the rocks that have to split with praise and just hope He knows how wonderful I think He is and how very much I love Him. God bless you for sharing your life with all of us. You have helped me more than you will ever know.
Wow! This is encouraging and such a faith builder to all of us who have such a story of detailed compassion with Jesus. Looking back at what he’s done so meticulously reminds me of his unwavering love like nothing else. Thank you for sharing your journey over the last 20 year! Your honest, transparent need for a savior has been used magnificently to guide me and many others on our way. Jesus taught me early to find a Christ like woman a few years ahead of me to follow and you have been one of them. His family is so good!! Way better than birth ones!!
Beth that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
This post ministered to me so in so many ways. I have had so many emotions run through me as I have been going through old photos and memorabilia to divide and pack away as my twenty year marriage is coming to an end. It has been hard and but also a step in healing too, remembering that it isn’t and wasn’t all bad. God is good and He is still there.
Just the fact that God tells us to remember over and over and to never forget what He has done for us. There is a debate in my church body as to whether or not we will remember anything or anyone in heaven and it makes me sad to think I would spend eternity never remembering all He has done for me and what He has saved me from…I just think if God wants us to remember now, why wouldn’t He want to remember then? Sorry for off topic, but somehow just meditating on God saying remember and never forget gives me peace. He knows best no matter how He decides I spend eternity!!
I am presently going through your Believing God study. I could have done it many times earlier but right now is the time and it is ministering to me so. Oh to believe Him…
Much love to you and all the Siestas,
michelle in VT
Thank you, Beth, for sharing your very “self” with us!
Oh, Dear Siesta Mama
I needed to here this today, Thank you for sharing part of your life with us! That we too may gather strength that we too are overcomers!Praying for the dear sister you is fighting cancer and the ones who are struggling also with the test we have before us!
Love you dearly
Lisa
God’s Perfect Timing…How precious Jesus is to allow me to read this on my day of remembrance. Today would have been my only son’s 18th birthday. He has been with the Lord since May 31, 1995.
I so needed to be reminded to “keep my memories in the light of God and not let them descend into the darkness of the enemy.”
To put it simply, I’ve spent too many years in the pit of grief. To God’s great glory, He has become the stronghold of my life. There is always the danger on the anniversaries of my son’s birth and death as memories wash over me afresh of slipping back into that pit of despair. I will add your words to my journal as I give thanks to God for His salvation and mercy. Seeing His hand in details great and small gives me the courage to trust and believe God. I am so very grateful for the way you allow God to use your personal and tender moments to minister to so many.