What’s Help? What’s Not?

Hey Siestas! Happy Monday! I saw such ministry in action in your comments to the last post. Thank you so much for your compassionate hearts and authentic walks with Christ. You are a true privilege to serve.

I’ve been meditating on something for the last few days that I thought you might get all wound up in, too. We all know – I pray – that God is the only true Redeemer and wonder worker and that He alone is our Savior but, according to Scripture, He very much wills for His people to minister to one another through the power of His Spirit. Here’s the question I’m pitching on the table today:

When you’re trying to get back on your feet, whether you’ve fallen into sin, discouragement, distraction, pain, betrayal, or anything else that can tumble you to the ground, what do you find really helpful from fellow human beings and what do you find UNhelpful?

Really reflect on the questions before you answer them because I want you to think in terms of what is authentically HELPFUL. Not what your flesh or my flesh craves when we’re down. Not what simply soothes us for the moment but does us no real help in the long run. What really does help? And what doesn’t?? Also make sure that your answers are reasonable. In other words, our mentors may not be able to move us in with them for six weeks and cook for us while the two of us hash all of this through. Grin. No one can make us his or her whole life. Only Jesus is meant to be our lives. (Col. 3:4) Think within the bounds of what people are reasonable capable of doing. Within those lines, all is fair game.

Here are the ground rules: Be genuine. Be kind. Please do not try to get back at someone on here who has disappointed you. Let’s have pure motives here today. You know that I say that in love. It’s just human nature. Lastly, please answer succinctly. Just a few sentences for each question so we can read them all. If you want to participate, start each of the two answers like this:

It really helps me when someone…

It really doesn’t help me when someone…

We’re not looking for right or wrong answers. We’re just reflecting today on what reasonable things we can do for one another to actually help and considering what things simply do not. We are liable to discover that what helps one Siesta doesn’t at all help another. I think this is going to get very interesting.

You are the most wonderful blog community on earth. I am NUTS about you. Go for it, Girls! WHAT HELPS???

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600 Responses to “What’s Help? What’s Not?”

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Comments:

  1. 401
    pat w says:

    it doesnt really help when a person doesnt acknowledge my pain my fear as something real. there so much right now. and its like with the siesta celebration coming up in jan. and not knowing whether i coming or not, it doesnt really help when ones hearing that just say ‘oh but i hope you do’… as if what i feeling not real to me, when i feeling So Tender anyway. i’ve done the scripture study this year, and it truly did mean something to me in the night and day that each verse chose me. it truly did mean something Real to me. and when it begun my goal Was the siesta celebration, but now… i so tender and today has been a reallly hard day, and I just put about $1000 of unexpected mechanic work into my truck just to make it driveable last month and a half, and my life seems to be coming apart, and I feel that I probably need every siesta out there just Praying Over Me, and I need a home that cannot Be taken away from me, and I have some misgivings about flying all the way to houston and not knowing what to do with me when I get there, when the tender one within just wants to be taken under a wing and protected, just does… but!, To Be Asked “what helps when it hurts?” the caring Enough To Ask, that helps some, and to know that someone loves me enough to listen to me, that helps too… that someone loves me enough to Really listen with their hearts and not just their ears, or their eyes in this sense… to think that their Someone out there in cyberspace peeking in to my day and listening with their heart… that does help some.

    • 401.1
      pat w says:

      thank you for your prayers this week. I felt them. had a breakdown this week. colored a picture yesterday. climbing back up out today. drove a little ways. taking it slow. love you all very much, and keep praying Over me, and thank You.

  2. 402
    Jacquie Sedor says:

    I don’t know if this is what you are looking for, but here are a few things I do.

    When I am holding a grudge or being unforgiving, or even just falling away from my Lord, I have a conversation with God through saying the Lord’s prayer. I promise you that I cannot finish the prayer until I have let loose of my unforgiving nature. You know us women, I even say God’s part for him and it either brings me to laughter or it brings me to tears – either way, I know it’s what the Lord wants from me that moment. Every time I say the Lord’s prayer I let go of my grudges and anger and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulder – I get that high mountain feeling once again.

    Another thing I do to help me to be close to the Lord every day came from the book Right Here Right Now by Christopher Carstens and Rev. William P. Mahedy. I believe the book is out of print now, but I have purchased over 24 books and given them away as gifts. When I had given away my last book and realized I no longer had one for me, I went and purchased a few used copies. It is a book on spiritual exercises for busy Christians. One exercise tells you to pick something you do every day several times a day and before you do that activity you must spend 60 seconds with God telling Him where you are right now and what is going on in your life. I wanted to get away from the prayer in the morning and evening so I did not pick brushing my teeth. I decided that since I drink a lot of water, I would spend 60 seconds with the Lord every time I went to the bathroom. To get in the habit, you must pray/have a conversation with the Lord before you do the activity. You will never get in the habit if you try to do it after the activity. You do not know how many times I suffered holding my pee so I could first talk with the Lord. One day I was having a really bad day at work. People were getting laid off and my boss was not being very nice to me. It was really a very low day for me, if you get my drift. I found myself running to the bathroom constantly just so I could talk with the Lord. One time I just sat there laughing and crying with Him and asked Him if all of my co-workers were thinking I had some kind of bladder problem because I was spending so much time in the bathroom today. It made me realize how much I loved these 60 seconds with God throughout the day and it made me realize how wonderful a conversation with our Lord is and that it does not need to be prayer in the normal sense.

    The last thing I do helps me fall asleep. I used to fall asleep in less than 30 seconds. The past few years I have struggled with falling asleep. For the past three weeks I have started praying for my Sunday School ladies while trying to fall asleep and I now fall asleep in the kindest and most wonderful way. Every Sunday I take a mental picture of every lady in the room. I literally memorize where they are sitting, their prayer needs and their face. Many ladies do not share prayer needs, but their face tells me if it has been a good week or a bad week. I start at the back of the room one night and at the beginning of the room the next night. I look at each ladies face and prayer for their spoken, unspoken and what ever I see from their visual face. I never make it through the entire class every night and that’s why I rotate where I start so that my entire class gets prayed for during the week. It is such a sweet way to fall asleep.

    • 402.1

      Jacquie,
      I don’t know if you will see this but thank you for the book recommendation. I didn’t know who Rev. William P. Mahedy so I looked him up before deciding to get the book. Imagine my surprise when I found out he lived in San Diego and even taught at my son’s high school. He died in July, 2011.
      I ordered the book from Amazon and I can’t wait to do the exercises you mentioned.
      Thank you, siesta.

  3. 403
    Ellen Huff says:

    The past 5 months, life has crashed around me: a daughter had a stroke, an autistic grandchild, another child struggling in marriage, another child with a special needs child, months away from my family and friends to care for my child? It really helps me when people pray for me, point me to Jesus and His character, remind me to go back and see His powers and wonders and miracles in the past, and text me a quick , ” I’m thinking of you.” Oh, and one friend would send devos she had read, maybe from Proverbs 31 Woman or Piper, or whomever.
    It does NOT help me when people keep asking me for reports on my situation after I have said I have no answers or updates. It’s like they want knowledge just to know it, not to pray.

  4. 404
    Letha says:

    I know this was from yesterday and perhaps you needed an answer immediately, but thought I’d answer anyway.

    It really helps me when someone…1) really listens, doesn’t have to understand but can just listen…2) no matter what I reveal about myself, loves me enough to not be judgmental.

    It really doesn’t help me when someone…1) tries to “fix it” unless I ask for them to help me fix it…2) begins to tell me about the “same thing” that happened to her or a friend and how much worse it was…3) doesn’t take me seriously i.e. “Oh, just get over it.”

  5. 405
    Lindsay says:

    It really helps me when…someone is just a friend to me. Someone who says let’s go see a movie or grab a bite to eat. To see love lived out in action like that, along with faithful prayer of a friend is a treasure beyond words.

    It is not helpful when…someone tries to relate what I am going through to something they’ve gone through. While that may be something helpful in the future, to have my difficulties compared to theirs is minimizing at the time.

    “Realness” is what we all crave in difficulties. This is how love is shown – when we can ugly cry, moan and groan and not be judged. I pray THAT is how I can show Christ to others.

  6. 406
    Harriet says:

    It really helps me when someone shows that they remember whatever it is that I have confided in them about. For example, if I have poured my heart out about something really painful to me, it would be encouraging to receive a text/comment etc. down the line about how I am getting on with it. That would be accountability, and show that they really listened.

  7. 407
    Joy says:

    Helpful….someone to weep with me when I was weeping, someone to listen to me when I was trying to sort things out, a hug and a word of prayer–right then, and there!

    Not so helpful…someone telling me the ‘pat’ cliches and verses, someone telling me to call ‘if’ I needed them, someone walking away from me when I began to cry…

  8. 408
    Harriet says:

    It really DOESN’T help me when someone listens to what I am saying, but not hearing… some things are relative, right? So if something is a real struggle for me or hurts me, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the same way for the other person. But, when they dismiss the impact it has on me because they relate to how THEY would feel, well, that is very unhelpful.

  9. 409
    Karissa Cook says:

    It really helps me when someone listens to what I’m telling them, asks questions to help me get to the heart of what I’m feeling or the root of the problem, and directs me to scripture that speaks to the situation.
    What really doesn’t help me is someone saying “I’m sorry” in a passive way, or carelessly throwing out a scripture like it’s a bandaid.

  10. 410
    emily says:

    It really helps me when someone… prays before offering their time, prayers, etc & see what God is calling them to do. i think when people are struggling, they need someone to be authentic. we aren’t always able to walk through a crisis w/ someone, but being honest about that, and then doing what they can {pray for the person, send them a text to check on them, etc}. is so helpful.

    It really doesn’t help me when someone… commits themselves to helping,or walking through a difficult time only to realize they really can’t and back away without saying anything. i think it goes back to asking what is God calling me to be to this person at this point? if you’re life is chaos, then He may just call you to pray, and provide someone else to walk through the crisis with that person..we can’t be everything to everyone, & i think the worst thing is to open yourself up only to have the person back away or disappear. we all have the best intentions in situations like this, but i really believe that offering to meet for coffee, or hang out consistently, or whatever & then not being able to and backing off without explanation can be so wounding.

    • 410.1
      emily says:

      a reader named Michelle posted this verse that basically sums up my response in a much shorter way.. 🙂

      ’The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.’
      Proverbs 15:28

      {not implying on the wicked part, but just taking the time to ponder our response when someone is hurting is huge}.

  11. 411

    What helps: community
    What doesn’t help: too much community.

    I say this because we so very much need community and we need encouragement in a communal way – where we’re brought together with other brothers and sisters in Christ to just encourage us and just honestly be with them. I’ve had several long talks in times of confusion and discouragement with other Christians or mentors that have been so so uplifting and GOOD. At the same time, sometimes when we’re feeling most helpless, most lost, most confused, hurt, whatever you want to call it, what we need most is just time alone. We are constantly bombarded with community – good and bad BOTH. Unfortunately some stresses come even with our “core” community of believers around us. Even when that’s not the case, the best thing is to know that your community is there for you, but not present because they understand that you need to get alone on your face with God and mend what’s inside you before attempting to mend what’s around you.

  12. 412
    Lori T says:

    I find comfort in meeting with my godly mentors lady friends who love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. An ear to listen, a heart to sympathize with, and acceptance in whatever state I am in…the good, the bad, the ugly. Lastly, detailed, specific, prayer!!!!!!

    Love y’all!

    Not comforting…ignoring, down playing, changing topic, pretending everything is fine when it’s not, distracted ear. Lack of godly sound biblical application.

  13. 413
    Kim Bogart says:

    It helps me when someone speaks about how they experience God personally. When others talk about how they heard His voice ,had an answered prayer or were used by God I am moved by a godly jealousy to pursue Christ in all His glory no matter where I have been.

  14. 414
    Lynda Rickey says:

    I really helps me when a friend is really willing to lend an ear, give a hug and an I love you and then pray for me in earnest over a certain amount of time. Then, check back in. I always give my friends permission to check back in.

    It really does not help me when someone off-handedly speaks a Christian cliche into my situation or thinks that their job is to fix the problem.

  15. 415

    It really helps me when someone genuinely cares. When they take my hand, look me in the eyes, and reassure me of the gifts that God has placed inside of me.

    It doesn’t help me when people assume that they know exactly what I am going through before giving me the opportunity to express where I am at.

  16. 416
    Dayna says:

    What is helpful to me is someone who prays with you and checks back with you to see how you are doing.
    What doesn’t help is someone who quotes you a scripture like all things work together for good…Sometimes when you are in the depths of something difficult, quoted verses are just that.~I have told others to ask God to give them a verse that they can hold on to for dear life~He has done that for me : )

  17. 417
    Twyla McAmis says:

    It really helps me when someone sends me a card or calls me on the phone when I am discouraged or lonely. Just to know that someone has taken time out of their busy schedule for me is so uplifting, and I really desire to be an encourager to others. I love you all, my dear sisters in Christ.

    • 417.1
      Twyla McAmis says:

      It really doesn’t help when someone just gives advice without really listening to what I have to say, although when someone out of love and concern gives me a word or scripture I love it, and I really desire to help others in the same way. Help us all Lord Jesus to love others by really listening to them. I think this is the key to loving others.

  18. 418
    Luann says:

    it really helps when someone speaks TRUTH to you. simple, concise truth to combat the lies and foggy thinking. that they sit with you in it. even in silence. and then they challenge you as much as you may not want it at that moment.

    this is not to be confused with..

    it really does not help with someone gives you pat responses. (that they themselves don’t even know what they mean and are often faulty)

  19. 419
    Tracey says:

    Tracey from Shawnee, Kansas

    Deuteronomy 6: 8-9 (NIV)
    Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your house and on your gates.

  20. 420
    Kelei Liggett says:

    It really helps me when someone is lead by the Spirit of God to remind me what God has already taught me…sometimes they have no idea –cause God like to amaze me!!!
    I really don’t like it when someone scolds me for already being CAUGHT UNDER THE RUG. I can beat myself up better than anyone else can!

  21. 421
    Carol Bruntlett says:

    What helps
    Is caring compassionate friends that are there for you in your lowest moments and are praying for you and caring you to Jesus on there knees. Loving you and honestly praying for you as they say they are.

    What doesn’t help
    People that say I have been there in your shoes I know what your going thru I understand. Or Your trying to explain to them what’s going on and they are looking at you are you done yet or I can come over but can only stay for an hr or I can only give you 30 mins of my time

  22. 422
    Patti says:

    *It really helps me when someone listens to me.
    *It does not help in the beginning of a trial for someone to tell me to get over it.
    *It really helps me when I hear a song that fits what I’m going through (Christian music).
    *It really helps me to read Christian based books that address my specific problem.
    *It really helps me to know that Christ is right there by my side when no one else can be. It really helps me to focus and know that my problem is only a problem for a time and if it has come to me it has come for a great purpose. It has gone through Christ straight to me and I need to rest assured that it will turn out for my good. It really helps to be reminded of that when I tend to forget.
    It really helps to be in God’s Word daily, looking up scripture that talks about overcoming and victory.

    My November 1 scripture for Siesta Sisters is:
    1 Peter 1:13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled: set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. (NIV) Now there’s a victory!

  23. 423
    Tammy says:

    I have been through many struggles over the last few years and these are the things I see looking back: What helped – friends who really prayed for me and made sure that I knew they were praying. The ones who took the time to check on me on a regular basis. I know everyone is busy but it’s hard to feel like anyone cares about your pain when your family in Christ keeps going along as if nothing is wrong. So that’s the part that was not helpful…friends who seem to have forgotten that the road is as rough as ever for us right now.

  24. 424
    Kathy says:

    Kathy
    Shattuck, OK
    Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
    “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

  25. 425
    texatlast says:

    What helps the most: ears to listen, heart to pray and mind to know when to follow through with another visit.

    What helps the least: Do this and you will be better or just know everything will work out. I already know God is with me, but I am hurting. Don’t take that away from me. Help me through it.

  26. 426
    Lynn says:

    Psalms 68:19
    Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens.

  27. 427
    Karen Wondercheck says:

    I am going through a painful trial as we speak and the people who have helped me the most have been people that pray with me. I also have a mentor-type person that has spent time listening to me and getting to know the situation I am in, then she has lovingly gave me advice. God is showing me I am hyper-sensitive so I am easily wounded by people that are quick to give advice. I know they mean well, but it can add more pain to the situation when a person that gives the advice has not taken the time to REALLY listen. God is breaking me of my bondage of people-pleasing and also to see that most people that hurt me by quick advice, etc. mean well and I do not need to harbor anything against them. I am sensitive, but I also want to be humble and not be quick to be offended, which is really a subtle form of pride.

    I’ve been reading and praying with “Praying God’s Word” in my situation and that has been so helpful. Another thing that a friend going through a similar situation found helpful was when I sent her scripture personalized with her name (along the lines of PGW”s). She sent back the same scripture to me with my name in it. God’s Word comforts!

    In HIM,

    Karen in AZ

  28. 428
    Stacy says:

    It has really helped me to receive the genuine concern of someone who was a good listener and a good provider of caring comments with uplifting words of encouragement as well as to speak with someone who had shared the same experience and really understood from personal experience.
    It has not helped me when someone has provided their view of my problem as trivial, or insignificant, by saying things like, “I don’t see why this is a problem,” or “Other people have more serious problems than you.” Those comments made me feel badly and affected my ability to speak openly afterward.

  29. 429
    Karina says:

    I’ve been trying to get on here long enough to respond with my 2c worth… now finally here to add my bit that the baby is down! Better later than never, right? I love the question!

    Things that helped
    – People being real with me, listening and acknowledging what IS and respecting my feelings, praying with me and for me.
    – People sharing their insights and experiences that they gained from similar experience without demanding mine to look the same – just simply sharing.
    – People coming to me with God’s Word.
    – Hugs (can’t never go wrong with that!).
    – Friends being great soundboard allowing me to think things through outside of my brain, asking me good questions prompting me to think better/more, offering constructive thoughts and prayers that build me up.

    Things that didn’t/doesn’t help:
    – People pointing out what is lacking. People placing blame or saying comments that tear me or my loved ones down.
    – People throwing around Scriptures without listening or knowing the whole picture showing the obvious lack of prayer on their part and consideration for those involved.
    – People arguing with me for one reason or another… haven’t quite figured this one out, but seems to happen to me a lot. It is not opinion that I want/need, but a show of support and care!

    I’ve finally come to a place where I don’t let some people’s immaturity get to me, but I know people that I thought were caring turning out to be superficial and not able to deal with real stuff really hurt. I still care for them, but now I am able to pray and leave the person in His capable hands instead of taking offence… ok, less often than it used to! 😉

  30. 430

    Helpful: Relentless, tentative, pursuit by short, creative encounters…emphasis on short.

    UNhelpful:Pushy, space consuming, dramatic, well meaning “friends” who have no clue.

  31. 431
    Jeanne says:

    What really helps me is when someone confronts me with Scripture but they do it in love. No matter what sin I am in I can’t argue with straight up Scripture, even if I don’t want to hear it at the time. Since God’s Word does not return void, I can’t escape what has come from God’s Word.

    What really doesn’t HELP me is when someone knows I am struggling and they SUGAR COAT my struggle and give me trite answers and their opinion. Opinions are OK but when struggling I need concrete answers not trite and sugar coated ones.

  32. 432
    Janefrom SC says:

    Jane – Greenwood, SC
    My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Galations 2:20 NLT

  33. 433
    Mildred Rogers says:

    This does not answer your question…but y’all …. I’ve lost my verses spiral…they must have fallen out of my lap as I was leaving an airplane last week (along with my lip gloss)….I AM LOST.

  34. 434
    Mary says:

    I guess what most people here think would help the most is to have good Christian friends to lean on for advice, help, and prayer. I know that I have some friends like this, and I pray that God would touch their hearts so that they would reach out to me. Also – I pray that God can change me from someone who tries to do it all in my own strength, to someone who learns to ask others for help. I have been trying to quit drinking for years, and at the moment, I see where the Lord may be putting a potential accountability partner in my path. I am trying to find it in me to reach out and just ask her for help. This is hard, because I think, having been a Christian for almost 10 years, my church family assumes I have my act together by now, but I don’t. And it’s embarrassing to ask for support after all this time. Please pray that I can work through this with someone who is willing to help. Thanks!

    • 434.1
      cindy says:

      You would be surprised how the people around you already see your need and are just waiting for you to ask. God tells us to cry out for help that means WE are to ask because it reveals our willingness to mean business and do what it takes to change. Don’t hesitate any longer step out of the boat like Peter.

  35. 435
    Patrice says:

    I know I’m late in posting this, but I woke up this morning thinking about this subject. I realized that through my cancer treatments (as well as other difficult times), there were days when no one could have done or said anything right. This served to remind me that only God knows what we need at any given moment. All the medical advice showed me that ” Some trust in horses and chariots ( or diet and herb, doctors and nurses, drugs and therapies) but we trust in the Lord our God. And I know that God did lead us to the right medical professionals and the right treatments. The callous and insensitive words reminded me that only God can give us perfect peace and the strength to get through difficult times. The feeling of being overwhelmed by kindness helped me to appreciate those people who stood back and said little. I knew that they were praying and if I needed help they would respond with sensitivity. So, all in all it all was helpful because it all led me to a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father and my brother Jesus.

  36. 436
    Pam says:

    Pam, DeLeon Springs, Florida

    Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIV)

    Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

  37. 437
    Sarah Hood says:

    It really helps when someone gives me a tight hug and prays for me right there and then texts me randomly to ask how I’m doing. Also when they help me find the good in situations.

    It really doesn’t help to keep rehashing the bad over and over and to hear others bad comments about someone who has wronged me.

  38. 438
    Marie says:

    Helps when someone listens, or touches or hugs me when I cry(I don’t have anyone to touch me except for my grandchild)even my own children don’t.

    It hurts when I say something I am upset about, and the person looks at me like I am a moron and leaves the room without speaking.

  39. 439
    Pat, Madisonville, TX says:

    1 Peter 3:12 NIV
    “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayers.”

  40. 440
    Debbie says:

    It really helps me when someone I trust will listen, let me breathe, encourage, and pray. It doesn’t help when someone says ” You’re faith is strong, you’ll make it.” Most of the time we’re not as strong as we think we are…I have found the best way though is just to go and cry it out with Jesus, pray hard, and cry some more with Him.

  41. 441
    Rebecca Anderson says:

    It really helps me when someone looks me in the eye and simply acknowledges me and what I’m going through.

    It really helps me when someone offers to just be with me through the difficulty, knowing that God is the solution and that I might just need a little companionship as I figure it all out.

    It’s not helpful when people try to offer a 10 second piece of advice to a problem or issue that is so much bigger than that. A quick hug and a smile is the encouragement I need.

  42. 442
    cindy b says:

    It really helps me when someone prays with me. It doesn’t help when someone goes on and on with all this advice of what they did or think you should do

  43. 443

    It really helps me when someone genuinely listens and shows empathy. I once had a friend sob with me out of shear compassion and empathy.

    It really doesn’t help when someone “Bible thumps” me using scriptures like salt in a wound. It’s God’s love that compels us– not His heavy hand.

  44. 444
    Coleen Wiehahn says:

    Helpful: someone to really listen.
    Not helpful: blank stare, change the subject, offer little bit of encouragement like, time will heal all …. or but just think how blessed you were to have her as long as you did. (Those comments make me ill!!!)

  45. 445
    Sheri Fobare says:

    what really helps: when i can go to my true friend, (one from whom i’ve chosen from in my inner circle) a friend who will listen, really listen, and where i can lay out what circstance has it’s grasp on me – and i can be honest, really honest, without fear of judgement.

    what really does not help: band-aid christians. oh just slap a scripture band aid on it and the boo boo will go away. this is a person not operating in love, listening in love and speaking the truth in love. (which is what i really need).

  46. 446
    Christine says:

    I have a physical pain issue but do not visibly look ill. This illness takes my energy and leaves me feeling discouraged many days.

    What helps to encourage me is just for someone to remember and ask me how I’m doing (on occasion, not every day or anything), or just let me know they are praying for me, or remind me that Jesus cares (I know He does, but it helps for someone to remind me once in a while).

  47. 447
    MK (the_go_between) says:

    What helps me: That the person lets me be honest and validates that what I am feeling is hard. Then prays with me. Offers to pray with me if/when I need it (so much more helpful to hear the prayers being prayed for me). Finally, Corrects me in love in the areas where I need to have perspective/change and God’s perspective.
    Doesn’t help: Interrupts without listening first with doctrinal statements. Wonders aloud why I haven’t moved on and gotten over it.
    Can’t wait to read over the other answers. I am sure will help all of us minister and be a better friend.
    Thanks Beth!

  48. 448
    theharbormom says:

    What helps: truth spoken in love – I need someome to speak the truth of my sin and make me own it… really own it. I’m great at the facade and saying the right things. Sometimes I’m too smart for my own britches and can justify a lot to make myself feel better.

    What doesn’t help: making my sin seem less than it really is.

  49. 449
    Rena says:

    What helps me is genuine compassion and then reminding me of Scripture standing firmly on in the midst of my struggle that applies to my struggle. Testimony of what God has already done especially when dealing with specifically what my struggle is. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony. {Revelation something. Sorry, no time to look up.}

    What does NOT help me is a comparison of what the other person is going through when I am in the midst of getting my issue off of my shoulders, venting, turning for help. I’m sure it goes without saying but sometime we can have the tendency to try to one up each other with our problems. For example, “well, at least you’re not having to deal with fill-in-the-blank.” That doesn’t help. Our Lord is compassionate, touched with the feelings of our infirmities. When a Sister is hurting deeply, we truly need to give ourselves over to Him. Prayer, obviously, but when dealing with something that is a surprise, new, we need to stand firmly on the guidance of Scripture. Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

    P.S. I am hurting. He knows and I won’t detail here but I could use some lifting up.

  50. 450
    Kara says:

    When I struggle it helps for me to speak with someone who sees me as I am in Christ and all that He died to make me. God expects much b/c He had made us much. We’re expensive and I need to hear someone who is aware if that value even in the face of what looks messy.

    I do not benefit when someone acts like my struggle with sin is no big deal. Or they act like it can’t be overcome. I need truth spoken over me, not an apathetic response. And definately not a message that it’s ok to stay where I am. I have a handful of people I can go to. Being honest with them literally transforms battles into victories. “confess your sins one to another so you may be healed”.

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