I called my Mom after work this evening to check and see if she was blogging tonight and when she said she wouldn’t be able to just yet I decided I would throw a little random post your way. Since I’m out of classes, you might find some random or boring (??) discussions on this here blog every now and again. What you’ll find here tonight is meant to be less of an assertion than it is a discussion about some new thoughts I find intriguing.
Last summer I read a book called Ainât Too Proud To Beg: Living Through the Lordâs Prayer by Telford Work (2007). Dr. Work is assistant professor of theology at Westmont College. I donât know him personally but I enjoyed him to no end through his writing. His book is a rare and thrilling infusion of disciplines. I donât want to summarize or review this unique book here, but it is certainly worth a read. Even if you disagree with Work at various points, I promise youâll learn some things along the way. Plus, in your heart of hearts you know you feel compelled to read a book by an author named âTelford Work.â
As I do with all the books I really love, I picked the book up again last night and started flipping through it and glanced over the places where I had highlighted or made notes in the margin. I loved this book so much that even my revisiting of it took me all the way to the epilogue. The epilogue is composed of several of Workâs sermons. One of these sermons in particular caught my attention. Â In this sermon entitled “You Can Say That Again,” Work coins a phrase, âculture of sorrow.â He uses it in reference to our own culture and âthe common sensibility that lifeâs true character is misfortune and that sadness rules over usâ (226). He says:
âIn our culture of sorrow, sadder is cooler. Joy may be desirable, but itâs not fashionable. What is? Ask the fashion industry! Does that look of aloof, disheveled, emaciated, sophistication strike you as happy? Me neither. But itâs cool! Or name a big pop band that has looked happy in its photos since the Beatles in 1964. Cool means hard stares, angry sneers, lust, and brooding . . . angst, ennui, existential despair, cynicism, political decline, environmental catastrophe, and social alienation . . . Master these and youâll be the life of the dinner partyâ (226).
And taking it further, he says again:
âIn our culture of sorrow, sadder is wiser. Misery has become our myth, our metanarrative. Joy is liable to be taken as immaturity or ignorance . . . If you want an Oscar, donât go with a so-called Hollywood ending. Go with a gut-wrenching tragedy like Million Dollar Baby . . . Sadder is deeper. . . What moves a personal relationship from small-talk pleasantries to greater sincerity? Telling the truth, of course. And for us the deepest truth-telling generally involves the disclosure of pain, hardship, and anxiety. Relationships tend to deepen from shallow happiness to more authentic sorrow . . . Sadder is greater . . . Anger, fright, and fantasy bring out voters and volunteers, not joy. Fear and greed drive the economy, not joy. Sorrow acts and we react. It calls the shotsâ (227).
Brief Tangent: If youâre like me, you are becoming increasingly suspicious of the phrase âin our cultureâ because it is used so often to introduce all kinds of authoritative but contradictory statistics. I use this phrase âin our cultureâ out of sheer habit and because it is so delightfully malleable but I always question myself when I use it because I know full well it is typically going to introduce a generalization. Having said that, some generalizations are more legitimate than others. So even if youâre like me, and youâre super skeptical and annoying, you have to hand it to Work because his âculture of sorrowâ idea sure seems to describe a significant aspect of our culture even if you donât agree that it is indicative of our culture across the board.
The other day Colin and I watched “The Road” with Viggo Mortensen. The movie was based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy. Now to be fair, I did not read the novel but the movie, in my opinion, was one horrific and unimaginably depressing scene after another. Just when I thought I was watching the worst the movie had to offer we were abruptly hurled into a whole different strata of horror. And the characters didnât even have names. Not my idea of a blockbuster night. Typically I like an emo and soul probing flick but I couldn’t discern even one strand of hope throughout the film and this led to the hardness of my heart. Â Anyway, the book was evidently deemed one of the most important and brilliant movies of the year. I wish I could say that the accolades surprised me but they did not. Â In my own opinion what was profound, was not the movie itself, but the very fact that so many people had heralded it as profoundâto me that said more about âour cultureâ than anything else.
Iâm not sure why I hadnât thought of this whole âculture of sorrowâ thing⊠as soon as I read the phrase I was mentally slapping my knee thinking to myself, âTelford Work is just so painfully right!!!â You know those people who can articulate a once rather opaque phenomenon dead on– well that is sort of what reading this entire book was like for me. I just kept thinking, âI would have written this myself if I would have known how to explain it.â That is the best kind of book- when it hits so closely to home that you feel you yourself could have written it even if you donât have a fraction of the writing ability that the author has.
When Colin and I were first married, people would say things like, âTell us the truth, what is marriage really like?â I almost felt forced to whine, complain, bare my melancholy soulâor be exposed as superficial, inauthentic, or worse–simpleminded. Â Now, of course, it is one thing to be honest when things really are tough and difficult, but even when things were not tough at all, and I was in fact enjoying my life and marriage, I would feel the need to give some token piece of what ârealityâ was really like or some slice of darkness to build credibility with my conversation partner. Good night . . . as though life is not tough enough without feeling pressure to forge expressions of grief. If youâre bothered by folk who tell you theyâre âfineâ when theyâre really not, what about people like me who have, on occasion, acted as though things were tough when they really werenât?!?
Egads.
I was laughing a few weeks ago when I was on our trip and someone made the comment, âEveryone on this trip, is just so . . . happy!â I gotta be honest, I was sort-of-kind-of thinking the same thing to myself at first, until I saw my own log in someone elseâs plank. I mean seriously, would she, or I for that matter, rather them all be depressed and lethargic rather than happy and peppy? Iâve also, time and time again, fallen prey to the naive mistake of assuming that the most thoughtful and intelligent people I know, the âthinkersâ if you will, are mostly those people I know who are usually despondent. Work’s discussion of “our culture of sorrow” gave voice to some of my assumptions that I hadnât really given much thought to before.
Now before you slap me silly, this post is not the end of the story.  And it isn’t even the end of Work’s sermon. I cannot sum up this entire discussion here.  This is only Part One. In Part Two of this blog (to come in the next week), I would like to explore the place of both joy and sorrow within a Christian worldview. I’m not trying to throw the baby out with the bath water (By the way, where in the world did that phrase come from? It is just beyond weird). So, for now, even though you havenât likely read the book, what do you think about Workâs initial sermon thoughts? Have you encountered this phenomenon before? Is this perhaps a bigger issue for one generation than another?
Have you found that sadder is often âcoolerâ or âwiserâ or âdeeperâ or âtruerâ?
Talk to me.
P.S. For those of you who have expressed a desire to buy the book–please know that this subject is not a major issue in the book, it is only in the epilogue in a short sermon. Â Also, it is a fairly academic read. Â Having made this full disclosure, I still think you will like the book.
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Is this why I like House? And why the show won a world record in 2009? Also, maybe this is why people don’t like me? I laugh and smile a lot. I guess that’s just not cool! I get very excited when something cool happens. As you know I express plenty of the other stuff too, but, man, I used to be annoying before because I was always depressed. Now I’m too happy! Geez, I just can’t win can I!
Melissa, It’s funny when you’re really thinking about something, you come across other things that fit, but I was reading and I came across this written by Augustine.
“I was astonished that although I now loved you…I did not persist in
enjoyment of my God. Your beauty drew me to you, but soon I was
dragged away from you by my own weight and in dismay I plunged
again into the things of this world…as though I had sensed the
fragrance of the fare but was not yet able to eat it.”
And this conversation sent me to Scripture and I was reading Ecclesiastes when I thought of your comment about sorrow making us seem wise. Ecclesiastes 1:18 says,
“For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.”
I was intrigued by how it’s the opposite of what our culture says, but I guess that is true most of the time.
What a thought provoking quote by Augustine. Thanks for sharing ~
Here is something to consider:
From Ecclesiastes 7:2-4
It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.
I think there are times for sadness and being “real” and times for being “happy go lucky”. I grew up in a family of Southern belles where it was not ok to be “real” or sorrowful because it meant you were ungrateful or lacked faith. As a result people in my family became fake.
I am a generations X-er and cynicism lays heavy on my generation so I understand the desire to be “real” and also the unwillingness to believe that something can be as good as advertised. I have found sorrow to be the place of growth, grace, wisdom and eventually joy in my life and I am comfortable with being in this mournful state, always. And yet, I am called to also be in a state of rejoicing and this I will strive for, for we have much to be thankful for.
Thanks for writing this and helping me (and my wife) wrestle with this.
Peace and grace
Melissa, I’m glad you brought up this subject! I find that most people don’t know how to behave around a person who has genuine joy. Often they are looked upon with a “What’s with you?” attitude. Whether it’s at work, shopping, eating out, or even at church…people seem very uncomfortable and suspicious with others who are joyful. NOW THAT IS SAD!!
This is a wonderful discussion, and I think I’ve seen myself in each and every post. Thanks, Melissa. Is there a way to print out this whole post? (Other than just choosing “print”.) đ
Wow, this is a fascinating discussion. I wish I had a useful comment to add, but others beat me to it in some of their themes. Eagerly awaiting more!
I’m with you on this… Just think about it… you are happy and things are going well, the big green-eyed bug takes a big bite…now there is resentment from others…
people don’t like it when life is going our way….
but eventually tragedy strikes …it always does…and Mrs “Debbie Downer” attachs herself to you like a fly on honey on a warm spring day….
it’s a sickness in a sense….
why do people do this..??
it’s as if these people need to be close to this pain but in a way they control….they appreciate that the pain is not their own but someone elses thus they can walk away from it at any point…
it’s the whole cake and eat it… concept
your post was very thought provoking!!!! Thank you.
Connie
Yes, I agree. In the years I was my mom’s caregiver, I developed a sense of humor that has served me well as a nurse, a wife, and a mom. There have been moments when my humor was on the dark side in the darkest of days. But on the whole, I tend to be happy. I am not so sure people like that though. My brother is a brooder and I always think of him as the “the smart one”…no matter, I am funny and way cuter. LOL!
I think the premise has some merit to it.
I have definitely noticed with in my life that it always seems like you have to have some sort of “drama” going on to really get noticed. People around me tend to want to know the bad things in your life…it’s not good enough to just be happy and have conversations around being happy. I have had that same feeling where you feel like you have to say something is wrong even when you don’t really feel it is. That happened a lot when I had my first child. Everyone thought I should be saying things are really tough being a first time Mom, but I love babies and couldn’t wait to be a Mom, so I enjoyed every minute of it. People had a hard time believing that was true.
I have a question off topic: I need some help with some in site into Revelation when it talks about the City of Light/The New Jerusalem in Chapter 21 and I didn’t know if you knew where I could look. I would really appreciate any ideas! Thank you!
There is a Bill Gaither song, “Happiness is to know the Savior, living a life in His Savor.”
Sure, there are times when life is full of temptations, trials, disappointments, heartaches, and pain. It does not mean we have to go around with a smile on our faces twenty-four hours in the day, but we do not have to stay there feeling depressed and sad either. We are to lean on the Lord and ask for His help to make it through these things. We have His peace, His joy inside us no matter how we feel. It is not always easy to change our attitude and our way of living, but through Christ we can live a life that pleases Him.
What truth is here! I had a friend share amazingly wise words with me once at the end of a long struggle breaking free from a particularly destructive stronghold. I was so used to living in the struggle, finding freedom from one lie only to be blindsided by another, that my identity had become “one struggling to find her identity.” After a while, the struggle had become an idol; I focused on recovery more than the One who had recovered me! One day during our weekly discipleship time, I was pouring my heart out about my latest attempt to work through something and confessed that I was having a hard time finding something related to this overarching sin to work on. She looked me in the eye and said, “Bekah, it’s ok to be ok.” What profound words! I had resigned myself to the idea that I had some “thorn in the flesh” burden that was going to overshadow the remainder of my life, when in reality, I could be walking in the abundant life offered by my Savior!
Now I get the opportunity to disciple and teach women desiring to find their own freedom in Christ, and I love being able to share with them that great news of the Gospel: “It’s ok to be ok.”
Melissa, thanks so much for sharing this! I got way sucked into that pit (culture of sorrow) as an adolescent and praise God for lifting me out!
But I had to comment on the movie you referrenced, “The Road”. My hubs and I watched it recently and the whole movie we kept saying that we wanted to turn it off because it was so terribly horrifying, but we were waiting for some kind of redemption-that never came. After finishing the movie, which we decided no one should willingly subject themselves to, I had to pray on it awhile.
The place I finally got to was this: ***Spoiler alert, not that I think anyone should watch the film, anyway******the man had made the survival of his son his whole existence and lost sight of any chance of good or doing good. (Contrast this to God who gave up His Son). Could things in the movie possibly turned out differently if people had joined together to share resources, protect one another and go down together with some sense of their humanity intact, rather than hunkering down and just trying to survive? And didn’t God already tell us that those who lose their lives will save it. I saw myself so much in the man that just wanted to protect his son and God really spoke to me about the limits and costs of this when it becomes too all encompassing.
After prayer and loss of sleep over the horrifying aspects of the movie, I feel God was reminding me that life has never been about surviving. But about living. Which is why He came, that we may have life and life abundant!
But thank you so much for bringing this up because I was really amazed at all the acclaim the movie got from the online reviews after I finished watching it and had to go online to figure out what the world had just happened since my husband wouldn’t talk to me in his shocked stupor.
Thanks for the post and keep convicting us dear one!
The book was compelling. Haven’t seen the movie. I think maybe the dad also felt guilty about the mom’s untimely death, which increased his need to protect their son. But, even the book could be called “dark” I suppose.
Hey Beth~
I feel like we are kindred spirits. I have just finished your book about insecurity, and I have felt for years everything you voiced in the book. I have committed my summer to ridding myself of insecurity and with God’s grace I will finally be rid of this stronghold that effects everything I do.
Anyway, that is off subject-I think this author you just quoted is dead on about this generation of sorrow. I am a middle school counselor and I see it all the time!! This generation has good reason to feel despondent and sad, but even when they don’t have a reason, I find a lot of times they will conjure up a reason to feel sad. They will even go as far to lie about a death so they can walk around and feel sad, and gain attention from their peers. Which to me, is a desperate cry for help. This generation is crying out for boundaries and for limits and for security, in a very insecure world. They need Jesus. They need to see that there can be joy without material wealth, without a secure home, in the midst of any circumstances if they have Jesus. But to share that with them, the adults in this generation need to have figured that out for themselves and they simply have not. I have been a Christian for most of my life. I can’t remember a time that I did not think that Jesus died for my sins, and that he was the Messiah. However, to this day, (and I am 45 years old), I am still scared of him and have so much trouble in my heart believing that he loves me. I think a lot of our youth is that way. They have seen so much and done so much, that their consciences convict them before God. This, in turn, causes so much pain, that they are finding ways to deal with that pain. One way may be this generation of sorrow, making it cool. I think that is why we have cutters, and other disorders, because this generation is trying to punish themselves. Noone else is setting limits for them, so they are punishing themselves. We have got to give them Christ, and forgiveness, and let them know they deserve to feel happy.
After reading most of these comments, I had so many jumbled thoughts and wanted to throw them into the mix. I think many of us expect to live in a constant state of happiness, and when we’re not happy, well then, we reason, we must be depressed or sad, especially with all the tv and magazine ads hawking antidepressants and telling us that we are. If you think about it, most of us have a lot of those symptoms, especially as our children grow older and our hormone levels change, and so did our mothers and grandmothers, so…. again, with the women’s lib movement, we were told that it wasn’t cool to be ‘just’ a mom, that we don’t have to deal with uncomfortable feelings by ourselves, we should let them out, etc. On the other hand, as our wisdom and knowledge of, and relationship with, Him increases, our awareness of our sin, our family’s sin and so on increases, too, and that does make us sad. In our culture, there is a desire for everyone to be ‘real’ to make each of us feel better about ourselves- to balance the scales, and ‘normalize’ us. I, too, have the melancholy personality, and alot of times, what I see as being realistic, others see as being negative, so I believe there is also a matter of perspective from other personalities. Then we have our families of orgin who teach us to be a certain way, and so that is right to us, and many of us are not aware we are believing more lies- even those of us raised in the church from birth on. Another thought I had is that one reason people might dwell more on the ‘sorrows’ in their life is that they don’t want to appear to be prideful, and then also there could be the possibility of believing to say everything is swell, great, happy is to invite attack from the enemy. To me, it seems that we are believing and agreeing with the enemy’s lies, and it all boils down to knowing the enemy better than we know Christ. I’m enjoying and learning from everyone’s comments and see myself in many of them, sometimes on both sides of the coin! I look forward to reading your next post on this topic.
well done! thank you~ and thank you for your humor:)
i love the part about the music industry not having a happy looking group since the beattles.
It is interesting, as I have just finished a two year journey of angst and rough roads to adopt my daughter, and am now dealing with the mixture of feelings that it is finished…my mother sent me this poem. (Below) (I am sorry I do not know who it is by). And I also thought of the title of Joyce Myers new book (which I have not read) Eat the Cookies and buy the shoes…. I often feel so guilty to be happy (or indulge in the least) or even enjoy the blessings God has given me knowing how hard other people live (My second daughter is from Ethiopia).
It is hard to give yourself permission to be happy. I remember something I heard Kathy Gifford say in an interview. (paraphrasing)… because I am happy, people think I am shallow, because if I was deep, I would know there is nothing to be happy about. …..
I want to give myself persmission to be happy….
Poem:
Matt. 11:19- maybe Jesus just went to the wedding to have fun! His enemies accused Him of “too much” of everything.
Its been a while since I have been accused of having too much fun. How about you?
We used to be good at it(having fun). What has happened to us?
What happened to clean joy and loud belly laughs?Is it our invisible neckties that choke us?
Is it our diplomas that dignify us? Is it the pew that stiffens us?
Couldn’t we learn to be children again?
Bring out the marbles—- (so what if the toes of our shoes get scuffed?)
Bring out the bat and glove—-(so what if our muscles ache?)
Bring out the taffy—- (so what if it sticks to our teeth? )
BE A CHILD AGAIN! FLIRT. GIGGLE. Dip your cookie in your milk. TAKE A NAP.
Say you’re sorry if you hurt someone. Chase a butterfly.
BE A CHILD AGAIN.
Loose up. Don’t you have some people to hug, rocks to skip, or cheeks to kiss?
Someone needs to laugh at Bugs Bunny ; might as well be you.
HAS WORRYING ABOUT TOMORROW EVER CHANGED IT?
Let’s just let someone else run the world for a while!
Jesus took time for a party….couldn’t we?
Melissa,
One of the previous comments hit upon the thought of our country being so calloused. It is a very important thought. I have often wondered why anyone in our society would not only be interested in listening to someone present the Gospel but actually accept Salvation. Then it came to me….because the Western civilization is calloused against anything meaningful! It is mostly those who are not exposed to this culture that can truly express joy upon hearing the Gospel, are hungry for it and are willing to die for it, like our brothers and sisters in places like China and the Middle East.
As a side note, the expression “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” most likely came from a time in places like England when working commoners, like farmers or coal miners only took baths once a year (bathing too often was considered unhealthy). Bath order started with the head of the house and ended with the youngest….all using the EXACT SAME bath water…which, by the time it got to the baby was very cold and extremely dirty….thus mothers were warned to not “throw the baby out with the bath water”!
So true, but not just for this current generation. When I was younger I worked in a department store. At this time I was not in church and lived very much in the world. There was one lady, our personal shopper, who was always happy. She was the talk of the store, “She is such a fake”, “What is she hiding”. After working with this lady for a couple of years, I ran into her once in town (it was one of those days you hope to see no one) and there she is with some very prominent friends. She was still the same. She could have easily walked on by but she didn’t. Not to say that she did not have difficulties in her life but she continually showed love to everyone she encountered. I have forgotten many people over the last 20 years, but I think I will always remember her. She was a huge contrast to the rest of us who were swallowed up in gloom and doom.
I thought this post was quite fascinating. It does beg the question – WHY is it so fashionable to be miserable? It is also infuriating to me that the party/bar/drinking scene is portrayed as completely opposite. It’s like our culture conditions us to accept misery and despondency as the way to live, but offers deceptive temporary relief of mind altering substances as a solution. Seems like a vicious cycle. I stumbled onto a Christian counseling website after reading this and the two counselors were pictured on the very front page wearing expressions that looked similar to the Adams Family. I assume that were trying to look professional, but really??
Thanks for the discussion, Melissa!
I completely get what you’re saying. To be “real” is to share the nitty-gritty negative. Even if you have to dig deep (fabricate) to find it. đ I think Christians get caught in this trap too, because we don’t want to sound artificial or to mislead people into thinking that it’s all joy and fluff. But it CAN be joy — and lots of it– and still be real and profound.
Hey Melissa, Your post is just what I needed to read. I have been talking with the Lord lately about this thing called sorrow or I say feeling down. Those around me look at me as if I am not happy. But I truly am for what I do have. I do have my share of difficulties but when my sorrow shows, it’s because I long for the hope of my salvation to be complete. I find that the more I spend with the Lord the more I long for His coming. I get tired of the sin around me. My insecurities at times, conflict with others,etc… I do feel distant at times from the culture. I guess it’s due to the fact that I don’t find true happiness in the world. I am joyful but yet sorrowful too. I have come to except it. I have prayed Lord is it okay to feel this way for you? I am reminded of the scripture when Jesus said there will be a day when He would not be with His disciples and they will need to fast and pray, missing Him, longing for His fellowship. But when Jesus was with them they feasted, took Joy in their fellowship with Him. Oh what blessed hope I have that my sorrow will be complete and worth it all when I feast with my Lord at the supper Marriage of the Lamb. I hope I made sense I am not very good at words but any how thanks for your post. đ
Amazing Melissa! Thank you so much for this post and sharing a segment of Work’s writing with us. What you have articulated here is unbelievably true and yet most of us might not have been able to put our finger on it….
You have explained to me why I, as a Christian woman teaching at a public university here in WI, am different than so many colleagues! Why I can so easily connect with students – through Christ, I am able to display the fruits of His awesome Spirit (on most days – smile)! The peace, love and joy that I have in my heart as a result of having Christ in me gives so many a fresh hope!
As Christians we are called to show the world our hope and be ready to explain why we even have it in the first place. Perhaps this is what is missing from our culture??
Or perhaps, we have life so good in America that we feel the need to contrive some sorrow & suffering – I don’t know but quite frankly it makes me sick!
There is always cause for hope and we need to share it!
As for sharing with others the reality about your marriage – I would say tell it like it really is. I am tremendously blessed to be married to my high school sweetheart of 19 years and most days, marriage is AWESOME!!! I am married to a man with a servant’s heart and who treats me like a queen most days! Based on the sorrow and suffering of my childhood years, my husband is far more than I ever dreamed possible in a man and a true blessing from God! So, I most always share positive glowing things about my marriage, which are definitely true… Unless I am PMSing and conjuring up some suffering of my own – I think most of us gals can relate … smile.
Seriously, our society needs fresh views of married life that is not as horrible as our culture portrays it đ
I mean, come on – my husband loves me completely, would do anything for me, rarely gets mad at me and shares that he simply never wants to get mad at me because it would not honor God… does life get any better this side of heaven??!!!! What gives me any right to wallow in any kind of sorrow with this to come home to every night?
However, I do understand the need to be sensitive because there are women who are indeed suffering in their marriage. But, if we are not one of those women……….let’s give praise to the King!
Thanks for sharing with us Melissa!
God’s blessings to you!
I get it!! I don’t like books or movies with no hope and I don’t understand how those seem to be the ones that are so accaimled…I do remeber when I was pregnant everyone telling how awful it was going to get…so I kept waiting for it and I ask my doctor when it was going to get “awful” and he said misery loves company :0)
Once I read the phrase “a culture of sorrow,” I couldn’t help but think of David Kupelian’s book “The Marketing of Evil.” Has any one else read this book? He makes similar points in the chapter “Killer Culture.” It is an interesting, eye-opening,and insightful look at our culture and subculture and the disturbing and intentional influences behind it. Yet he points us back to Christ as our hope.
I’ve noticed this not only in my generation but in my child’s generation. Why is it so hard to find someone to rejoice when we rejoice? Yet it’s a lot easier to find someone to commiserate with as they mourn with us as we mourn? Seriously, if I get a new car or decide it’s time to remodel our home it’s almost like I have to apologize for being a good steward of God’s blessings and then use them wisely. Or how many “friends” rejoice with me when I feel like I have the most wonderful husband in the world?
On the other hand, how many “friends” hang in there through the tough times when it is a long season of warfare? We can relate as long as it remains superficial and not sacrificial.
I don’t know. But you hit a nerve, Melissa. I’m anxious to read part 2. Until then, may we say to ourselves and to one another “This is the day the Lord has made, I WILL REJOICE and be glad in it!”
I just can’t stop thinking about this post.
You asked for a generational perspective and since I am old enough to have one, I’ll share that when I was in college and thought it was cool to march to end the Vietnam war, listen to sad ballads and literally cry into my beer–I was miserable. Meeting Jesus at the end of my sophomore year turned my life around in so many ways.
Now at the risk of sounding simplistic, as someone who can get too introspective and dragged down by life, I choose joy. But I have to be intentional in this choice. And for me, that means limiting media input–limited TV, even the news. I do better reading articles online rather watching news. Movies usually just take too much time and emotional energy. Books are limited to that which is right and true.
I trust this doesn’t sound legalistic. I remember when our kids were teens and they would say, “It isn’t bad,” and I would respond, “But is it good?”
Enough of my rambling..
Terri
Now see… this is why I love this blog. You’ve got beth with her wonderful spiritual pick me ups… and Amanda with her family and the babies.. and Melissa with the mind benders. And it would not be whole without each and every one of you. We need you all.
I’ve just finished a week of VBS and I can’t tell you how much I needed this post by Melissa. I’ve missed her contributions because they make me THINK and this was no exception. I’m ordering that book on Amazon today…
And ditto to every thing you said girl. I can’t vocalize it like you can but I agree and YES! to be happy people look down on you like you are simple…
Bring on part two!
Heidi
Fayetteville, GA
Love this post. I think Work’s thoughts are dead-on too. In the midst of an ongoing family issue here, I have suddenly come to a point where there is too much drama, too much crisis, too much sorrow. Joy is in order.I am tired of this “culture of sorrow” that our family has adopted over the addictions and craziness of one family member.
It’s time for joy, regardless of the circumstances. God has blessed us all with this life. I want to live it well.
I am one of those. I am currently striving hard to re-route all internal dialogue to be happy and dwell on positive situations and thanksgiving – but it is hard! The Lord has blessed me, too with marriage, kids, health, career and numerous other blessings, but I can’t seem to quit internalizing all the “sorrow”.
So yeah, I agree we live in a culture of sorrow, but more importantly, how do I not?
Whoa Melissa……you never fail to give me something to chew on for awhile. I do agree about our “culture” needing sadness…..give me a romantic comedy or a feel good movie where the ending comes out with a “warm fuzzy”. I don’t mind movies that make me think, but I don’t like drama so deep I wonder “why am I watching this???” On the marriage comment, I do wonder why people expect others who are happily married and loving it (as it should be)to be sad???
What is that about??? Doesn’t it make you wonder that the reason our “culture” is sad, mad, etc….because they
still have that “empty place” inside of them? Are they still searching for that special “something”, or “someone” to fill the void that only God can?? I love the fact that I can be happy…..God is in control I only have to turn my face to Him ALWAYS!!! I have found that there is nothing in my life that He hasn’t handled and will continue to handle (much better than me). The world, culture, is still looking for that in the world. Right??? OOPPSSS gone on to long…..
Looking forward to next week’s posting. Keep up the great thinking and making us think and appreciate what we have!!!
Blessings for a great weekend!!
Bible Bunny in NO MI
Melissa, I love your blogs. I have to say this is ringing so true to me. I was diagnosed in April with endometrial (uterine) and ovarian cancer (Grade 2). (After having had emergency gall bladder surgery in January and a breast cyst in February.) I have had major surgery and am in the midst of chemo (to be followed by radiation and possibly more chemo). I feel God’s grace has been all over me and have felt great joy through much of the process. I can’t recall have any fear and very few moments of anxiety. I am studying Breaking Free for the fourth time (facilitated two of these) and it is connecting in a way that I have not experienced before — because I am really studying it more seriously. I am spending a lot more time in the Word and my quiet times are much more consistent. God has connected me to excellent doctors and nurses who seem to me to be especially gifted. Everyone back at work almost seems surprised at my good reports and say I look great (helps to have a Raquel Welch wig!:))
But I am mostly happy and God’s grace is more than sustaining me. Not to say there have not been some really rough moments (like a leaky incision a week after surgery) but at every rough patch, God has provided a solution.
So, I say Amen, Amen, Amen to your blog and agree its a problem. I praise God from whom all blessings flow and and am living to tell about it!!
Thank you, Melissa, we have sorely missed you. Any chance you can share what Miss Beth’s next bible study will be about?
Love, love, love the Living Proof blog.
Have a great day!
Without realizing it the “world” recognizes that we were made for so much more, and we, as believers, do groan for the perfection that God intended all along. One day, praise Jesus, He will restore all things and we shall behold Him!!!!!!!! Thanks, Melissa for your insight and provoking us to consider how blessed we are that we have such an inheritance.
Oh absolutely! I think “culture of sorrow” describes my husbands family!! It seems like no one is “happy” unless they have something or someone to complain about. Every time there is a get together there is nothing but complaining going on. I was not raised like that at all & it is SO hard to sit through those wknds w/my in-laws & listen to all the negativity. If I try to turn things around to the positive, things get real quiet.
And I will at times find myself searching for something to complain about just to fit in w/them! How twisted is that?!
Very interesting: I know God has been encouraging me to wait on fullness of Joy when it is so easy to slump down and mope… and accept what seems “good” instead of hoping in His Greatness… Sad (ironic) to think we feel more acceptable if we are carrying around a garment of heaviness…. when we were designed and blessed to be given the privilege and position to dance in garments of Praise! I want that MORE…. daily! Fill me with Laughter Lord! đ
I also think we have become a “culture of anger” or have become in the habit of being irritated and annoyed.
I love the way the Lord brings new, fresh revelation to a subject Heâs been drawing my small group to study. Currently weâre going through the book of Ecclesiastes, and as I was reading your post about Workâs analysis of âour cultureâ I couldnât help but draw parallels between the attitude that culture displays as cool (i.e. depressed, existential despair) and the forlorn attitude of King Solomon as he candidly shares his position at the top and the meaninglessness he finds there. It seems somehow ironic to me that a culture that is obsessed with temporal things (âunder the sunâ) would also endorse the depressing end result as a ‘cool’ attitude.
It breaks my heart. But, Iâm excited to read part 2 of your post about joy! Much like weâve been reading in Ecclesiastes that life is âmeaninglessâ/ âvainâ in and of ourselves, Solomon shows that real joy and meaning is found only in Christ. He is the only One who gives meaning to life. I feel really challenged to show that in my workplace â that sadness is not wiser, cooler, or truer. Jesus is!
And I looked up the synopsis of the book on Amazon and I have a question about the title! So, when it says âAinât too proud to begâ is it referring to intense prayer/intercession/ âbeggingâ for our nation/nations in general? Just a guess from what I read. The title is definitely intriguing!
This is interesting! I read your post yesterday and have been thinking about it since. I think it’s very true that we live in a ‘culture of sorrow’, but I also think that is why the joy we have in Christ is such a ray of light in the world. I have really tried (especially lately!) to concentrate on the wonderful, joyful things in my life… and while I may not win an oscar or have my picture in a magazine (Heaven forbid!) I am deeply happy and joyful. God’s joy transcends, and I think the people around us can see it and long for what we have!
You’ve really got me curious now about Telford Works. I think the concept of a culture of sorrow rings true. It’s certainly worth some thought. Being a melancholy who has been in the church my whole life, however, I don’t know if the church has fully understood the implications of this. And as Christians “how should we then live?”, to quote a theologian of about a generation ago. And how do we reach this sorrowful cynical world?
We live a very celebratory life in our home, we celebrate just about everything! But we do have a TV and are bombarded like everyone else with the negativity of our “culture”. It is not “cool” to like or appreciate anything beautiful, sweet, good, honest, or true. It seems teenagers are proud of being disdainful and negative and ashamed of unbridled joy. Bondage takes on many forms and the bondage of sorrow and negativity is one that enslaves the mind, the soul, and the spirit. Thankfully the truth of Christ sets us free. And yet, we need not stick our heads and hearts in the sand and ignore the true pain and suffering in this world. There are two books worth your time… The Road to Reality and Six Dangerous Questions. I am sorry the author’s names do not come back to me easily and rather than misspell them I will just use the titles. These books however cannot be read without a real response of some kind. I am a fellow begger, I often say I do not pray a lot because I am so spiritual, I pray because I am so desperate! Shalom.
Melissa, I found your post quite interesting. I have never heard the “culture of sorrow” described or noticed it to this extent. Upon more thought I think it really is true. Who gets the most attention…the person who is sad, down and depressed or the person who is satisfied, calm, and content? Always the first person. I thought about social or work situations I find myself in. There always seems to be one or two people with the Eeyore personality and they drain the group of time and energy. Certainly this doesn’t apply to people who from time to time have a crisis or are faced with deep pain but there does seem to be an unspoken right way to behave…full of sorrow. Thanks for a thought provoking post.
Okay, so back in the day, families heated their bath water in a huge pot (think witches brew over a fire outside) – yes, my grandmother grew up on a farm is Mississippi and it was like that. I digress. So anyway, the oldest peeps of the family used the bath vat first and the last bath of the evening was the baby. Then the water was thrown out. Hence, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Yes, it’s still bizarre.
Yes indeed! I agree with this “culture of sorrow” idea. As a teacher at a middle/high school, I see the fruits of this every day. The drama. The pouty pictures. The cool stares. It is a way of life for some. Even my own daughter has fallen victim to this mentality. When she moved out to try life on her own one of her parting comments to her father and I was, “Y’all are just too happy around here.”
Sigh! Dr. Work is right.
I agree whole-heartedly. Our culture has become a culture of victims – people spilling coffee and sueing, people misreading directions and sueing, Timmy misbehaves in the classroom, gets punished and then becomes a victim. In graduate school for my Masters of Science in English, I took a class on 20th century literature. 20th century lit is depressing, hopeless – and, ultimately, Godless. I love 19th century literature where hope prevails, never-give-upness on doing the right thing wins, and even if romantic love does not prevail, goodness does. Even Adam Bede, a book on the charismatic growth of Methodism, takes a heroic look at the importance of the death penalty – in a way that upholds jutice and nobleness in “paying” the price for murder. Think of “A Tale of Two Cities” when one man willingly sacrifices all for another due to nobleness. I find myself watching wonderful movies from the 30’s and 40’s, just waiting for ultimate loss of either life, goodness, or hope because today’s movie and lit culture has trained us to expect it. How incredibly sad!
I read this and reread it. My son has always been good about not letting things upset him ( unlike his Dad ) but over the last few days “something” has ruined his day. I talked to him about it this afternoon and said you can’t let one bad thing control your life and “ruin” your whole day, you must do something else and think about happy things. Your words and quotes were reinforcement for what I told him. I quoted them again and sent them to him… God brings you the words!
Great post, Melissa!
Could it be possible that we suffer a “culture of sorrow” because focusing on “sadness” or tragedy keeps us from seeing our intense sin through God’s eyes?
I am loving this thread. Great topic, Melissa.
I’m wondering how I could print out these responses. I posted last night, but don’t see my post. It was short, and not a bit inappropriate. Thanks!
We have become so good at mourning with those who mourn we forget to rejoice with those who are rejoicing. We aren’t happy for others good fortunes, blessings because we feel left out, we didn’t get our piece of the pie. Ahh, he’s right on.
“Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”. I learned on a trip to the Atlanta History center that this phrase came along b/c way back when a family used to bathe ONCE A WEEK they would all use the same bath water!!! Dad first, then the boys, then the girls, then the Mom, then the BABY!!!! Gross I know! So the water would be so dirty that if you weren’t careful you could lose your baby in there and accidentally throw the baby out!!!
So I’m late to the discussion but I find this same concept at work in the area of allure. It’s the mystery of the dark/brooding/morally ambivalent that captures the imagination . Vampir-ish men and women are considered ‘sexy’ while happy/glowing/energetic/pure equals ‘cute’ which – in context with ‘our culture’ – also equals lesser.
Praying my daughter will grow up confident and content with the latter.
You know…I think sometimes it is easier to tell people that things are ok instead of that they are great! It seems that we want to downplay the good in our lives in order not to make other people feel bad if they are having some issues or going through a tough time! But as I have been through some tough things this last year (and I guess with age too) I have learned that I need to give thanks and fine God’s joy in my each and every day! When people ask I can say “good, great, ok” whatever it is…but to always have a smile on my face for the blessings that God is providing at that moment!
Just my two cents!
Donna (the mom of twin boys)